They/he / 17 / Barnaby nonsharing soulbonder / #PLUR / May post some vore related stuff, just so you'll be warned, but it wont be graphic or smth.. Doubles DNI? Please? Leave me alone?
So, call me Gold. Hi. Uh. Im just a dumb fox on the internet, whos trying not to get crazy over their love for Barnaby from BBU... Oh yeah, Billie bust up fandom that Im a part of! Im not a known figure there, but some people may know me (Hi)
I have ASD and depression, be patient with me.
They/he/it
My current hyperfixes are BBU (That one ghost owl, to be exact), Paralives, MLP, Warrior Cats, Bad Guys (?), paraphilias (dont judge me, it's more interesting than it seems!)
I may post some suggestive, kinky or vore art or thoughts from time to time. This is your final warning, do not proceed if you'll get triggered by it.
Im a very non-sharing Barnaby yumeshipper 😓
More stuff abt me here!!
I'm not the best at writing, this one is a bit half-baked since it's sorta improvised. But enjoy this personal thing of mine... excuse any possible errors.
Everyone has someone who's by their side, whether it's a friend, family member, partner, or a lover... Everyone has someone they can trust... but me? There's only one simple word to describe this...
Everyone has someone who's by their side, whether it's a friend, family member, partner, or a lover... Everyone has someone they can trust... but me? There's only one simple word to describe this...
ALONE
Sitting in an empty, grassy field. My fur moves slightly from the faint wind of the night. The sky is pure, unadulterated dark with the only thing illuminating it being the Moon, and the small dots of light in the sky, which is what we call, "Stars". As I gaze up at the sky, I could feel my sight starting to blur, along with feeling a watery, sparkling substance leaking from my eyes. Most call them tears, but I call them "Stardust".
The "stardust" dampens the fur on my cheeks as it slowly makes its way down my face. I looked down at my paws (or hooves or whatever), they were shaking and they clenched into fists... But, why? Why was I stardust leaking from my eyes? Why was I feeling this way? I realized I've been holding in the stardust for a while now, I never had a physical shoulder to cry on. Even if I did, I don't know if I could really trust anyone. But the night sky... the stars... this peaceful atmosphere, the only time I feel at peace... is my shoulder to cry on. I know, that sounds very delusional...For most of my life as of now, the galaxy and anything related to it has been one of my special interests. I wouldn't go a day without glazing space and whatnot and spouting bits of information about it! That would eventually kickstart my stargazing journey! So much to the point of it getting very annoying to some... I wasn't trying to be annoying, I'm just really passionate about my interest, I'm just a fluffy little galaxy geek. Anytime I walked out in public, some of the goats my age and older would give me some weird looks and faces of disgust, almost like I did something wrong. Some goats would even make fun of me for being fixated on space and stars. That made me socially anxious and uncomfortable with myself... That also might be the reason I have no friends.
At first, I didn't understand why they did this to me, I was just being myself, I wasn't doing anything wrong... but then I realized... that's exactly the problem... I was being myself. And not only that, I'm... different from the norm. I wasted all this time being this excitable goat, glazing and gazing at the stars at night, when I could've been someone who actually did anything useful to society. But here I am, sitting alone, staring at nothing but the stars. Dang it, I hate myself... Why do I even waste being, well, me. What's the point of being myself when all it does is garner hate and disrespect?
Maybe... I don't hate myself enough. I didn't think being myself is such a crime, maybe if I wasn't "me" I would be more liked... Maybe if I was born "normal", I would be more accepted. I would literally claw my fur off if it gave me the opportunity to not be different from everyone... or perhaps I would... switch off the lights to make society happy... But as long as I'm still here, alive, in this physical form, where everyone can see me, what I look like and how I am, I wouldn't matter, or be accepted for who I am, I'll... never be loved
I'm broken, society has broke me, there's no one I can trust, I can't even trust myself...
I hugged my knees, and started crying, finally letting the stardust out after so long... OH, WHO AM I KIDDING, THEY'RE TEARS, THEY'RE BLOODY TEARS!! THAT'S MY DELUSIONAL MIND AND IMAGINATION CALLING SIMPLE TEARS STARDUST!!
I have no shoulder to lean on, at least physically. I just cried alone, with no one to trust, no one by my side, no friends, no family, no one who loves... Well, who would care anyway, it's not like I would matter to anyone. As I cried, I wondered...
I think there’s really a conversation to be had about people harassing others to the point of breaking under the guise of being “morally good” and “protecting others”. I’ve never felt protected or safe seeing people like that. I think “oh, if I step even a little out of line I’m next”.
a lot of these same type of people will demand the person they’re harassing to take accountability but I’ve noticed that no one really has any more to say on what they mean by that. Accountability here does not mean accountability. What they want is an exile, or harassment to the point of breaking.
You and a friend have an argument and they decide you’re toxic? You said something problematic when you were 12/13? You like something that makes someone else uncomfortable?
You have to either disappear from the internet forever or kill yourself.
Im not sure if Im releasing a hot take but people who dont like transfem Jax either hate it because they dont find her hot anymore or some deep rooted misogyny in them
SHE IS A GIRL!! I pray that in the spin off we see her abstracted form fixing itself into a new avatar. I need bunney gurl. I can see the cast being like WTF SHES TRANS?!! And then kinger will have 4 daughters and a Zooble. So cute.
WARNING: MAJOR TADC LAST ACT SPOILERS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
SERIOUSLY, DONT SPOIL YOURSELF!
If you’ve watched the movie, you may proceed below the cut.
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How I feel talking to those who missed the obvious transfem coding of Jax:
LIKE… HELLO???
NOTE: THE PHOTOS OF THE MOVIE SCENE WERE NOT TAKEN BY ME! I FOUND THEM IN A DISCORD SERVER OF PEOPLE CHATTING ABOUT THE MOVIE
-the whole scene with Ribbit putting a bow on Jax’s head and saying “your secret is safe with me” after she vented all her problems. (This is like the most obvious reveal)
-Jax said her mother laughed in her face when she revealed something “personal”, which caused an argument. (Then with Ribbit putting the bow on Jax’s head after this was told, hints that the personal thing was her being transfem)
-Gooseworx is trans herself, and has stated that Jax isn’t just her favorite character, but a self insert character, and one she projects her own inner “demons” onto.
-goose states that Jax mainly bullies girls because “He has issues he hasn't worked out with himself yet.”
-Jax was originally designed to be a girl.
-Goose has posted drawings of Jax as a woman
-Jax’s character design is made with pinks and purples which are often feminine colors
-Jax has an overly feminine room he hides from everyone else
-When entering the circus, Jax chose her own name, which choosing/changing your name can be a trans thing
-Jax’s pressure to be super masculine was forced on her by her parents. Her dad who left her, and her abusive mom who wanted Jax to be more like her dad.
-Jax says “My ears and tail are kind of the pinnacle of masculinity.” And then his tail is gone, symbolizing his loss of masculinity or struggle with it.
-goose has drawn Jax saying “I READ SOMEWHERE THAT TAKING PROGESTERONE MAKES YOU BETTER AT GAMBLING” (which is a drug for mtf transition)
-goose has stated that Jax was extremely upset about the maid dress because “He wasn't ready to ask these questions about himself.”
I think you are all 12 years old, this is your first fandom, or you are suffering from immense brain rot in the media literacy part of your brain. I am only half joking about all that.
Anyway my thoughts on the tadc finale
I’m going to need to wait for the youtube version in order to rewatch and properly analyse the episode but my god. The stuff we see in Jax’s mind is not meant to paint to her as an irredeemable abuser. I’m fairly sure it’s all the ways she’s learnt to push people away. They aren’t fantasies of violence and sexual harassment. It’s guilt and shame and fear. Each defence as an aspect of herself.
Think about it. She blames herself for Ribbit’s abstraction and likely Kaufmo’s too. Her mind is populated by scenarios in which the others have abstracted, with at least one being directly her fault again. Why on earth would these be fantasies and not scenes of guilt and shame and denial?
Just because you are not being spoonfed doesn’t mean you should jump to the most superficial conclusions.
Because why on earth would Gooseworx’s thesis be that a transfem coded haracter commits suicide off screen and is actually an abusive pos through and through? Why? Could it possibly be that she was communicating a different message? Maybe the execution wasn’t the best, but c’mon.
Jax feels like a cautionary tale. A warning about what can happen if you continue to push people away. A story that encourages you to accept help and care. And that even when you’re not in a place to receive it, it will be there regardless. Waiting for you. People love you and will do the work to care for you. You are not unlovable.
Jax was also really young. 22 years old and homeless. The circus fucked her up further. I don’t the message was ever meant to be that this kid was unlovable. More like saying, hey if even everything goes wrong, people will still be there for you.
Remember that before, abstractions were thrown into a cellar to be forgotten. But they didn’t do that this time. They made a safe and calming space and kept Jax company. They showed how much they cared even when Jax was hypothetically least able to receive it but also when she needed it most.
GoldeFoxe (Comms: OPEN!) @goldthefennec - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
