i decided to make a bunch of free-to-use (with credit) limbus company icons!
I had originally just meant to make Sinclair, Yi sang, and Don quixote icons, but I got worried and ended up taking requests for other icons i should make on twitter. So all icons after those three characters were specifically requested on twitter
simple and cute jungle and jeraldy based on videos my friend sent me of his tomodachi life miis of them playing together that made me start crying. can you guys watch them while i go smoke. also some bullshit from last month:
warnings: age-gap relationship (reader is 20 william is pushing 40), allusions to mental illness, willy is obsessive, possessive too, and a little creepy, and a hypocrite, and narcissistic lol, and a little bit of a yandere, mentions of divorce, dysfunctional parent-child relationships, secret relationships, swearing, gaslighting, manipulation tactics, dom/sub undertones if you squint, willy is VERY egotistical, allusions to corruption kink, sir kink, smoking, sensual touching, dirty fantasies, praise, lying, erections, dirty fantasies, kissing, allusions to past unhealthy relationships, threats of violence
minors pls dni // read warnings!!
masterlist with previous parts
a/n: finally got this done,, enjoy!!
~~~
The next morning, William decided that he needed to relax.
During the talk with you the night prior, he had let his composure slip too far, way farther than he liked. Thankfully, he was able to nod off eventually, and his anger was at bay. For now. He could recall the look in your eyes, the fear and worry that they held after that that bitch Clara said to you. Oh, poor bunny. You didn't deserve all the shit that came with being his. He wanted it to be easy for you, to take care of everything so all you had to focus on was being yourself. But, of course, his useless family had to get in the way.
Whatever. He would deal with them later, when he had the time to come up with a plan. But not now. He had another day with you at the hotel, and he intended to make the most of it.
He had let you sleep in as much as you wanted, knowing how exhausted you must have been after such an eventful night. You were sleeping quite a while, well past your usual waking time, but he didn't mind in the slightest. His bunny's rest was important, after all, and this just gave him a good excuse to hold you for longer.
When you eventually did wake up, you were absolutely adorable. Bleary little eyes, messy hair, and your voice hoarse. The brit couldn't help but smile, greeting you awake with a kiss to your forehead.
"There's my little one," William cooed against your skin, pulling back afterwards just enough to look down at you and brush some unruly strands of hair from your forehead. "Good morning, bunny. Well, perhaps I should say good afternoon."
"Mmn... Afternoon?" You grumbled as your legs stretched out straight underneath the hotel bed's blankets, your arm still draped across William's abdomen. His arm tighten around your shoulders as he chuckled, finding your sleepy state utterly endearing. It was something that he could get quite used to, waking up to his baby bunny every morning. Something he hoped to make a reality sooner rather than later.
"Yes, love. Afternoon." He confirmed in a soft voice, his hand slipping behind your head to stroke your hair. "You must've been quite tuckered out, considering the... eventful night we had, hm?"
Your only response to his observation was a soft grunt, your head moving so that you could rest it on William's chest rather than the pillow. Even though you didn't say it verbally, the older man knew what that grunt meant. You didn't want to talk about last night. He could respect it, knowing that it had been quite emotional and perhaps even traumatizing for you, but part of him still felt like he had to say something. Verify for himself that everything was okay between you and him. That you were still undeniably his bunny. Oh, he wanted to. But he also didn't want to push the subject, perhaps even upsetting you further in the process.
No. He wouldn't. You were his. Of course you were. You had to be. Yes, yes, of course. Don't get paranoid, William. Everything is okay.
Feeling the urge to change the subject, William leaned down to press another kiss to your forehead, bringing up another arm to pull you in just a little closer. The newly added hand started to pet you softly, stroking up and down your arm as his accented voice purred in your ear.
"You know, I was thinking... I noticed that the hotel has a jacuzzi on our way in. What do you say we take a little dip, hm? It'd be a perfect reprieve from the chill outside."
And a perfect opportunity to get you in a bathing suit. But William wasn't about to say that part out loud.
You groan in your sleepy haze; not necessarily out of pure distaste for the older man's offer, but rather a reluctance to free yourself from the cocoon of sheets around you. You nuzzled up closer to William and took a deep breath in through your nose, taking in his natural scent with your arms clinging to him a little tighter.
"What if... we just go back to sleep instead?" You mumble out, your eyes still closed from how heavy they felt. It earns an amused chuckle from William, but he couldn't help but feel a small glimmer of frustration inside of him. As much as he absolutely adored holding you and seeing your sleepy little frame, he didn't want you to drift off again and leave him alone. He wanted you here. He wanted you awake and spending time with him. So he knew that you were unaffected by what had happened with Clara. Like a good bunny would be.
The brit rubbed on your arm a few times to coax you awake, giving your elbow a squeeze.
"Now, love, I didn't take you all this way just for us to lie around like a bump on a log, did I? This is an opportunity for us to spend time together that we don't normally have back home. We'll have plenty of time for bed later on. Right now, I want to spend some romantic time with my bunny."
William's little speech earns another sleepy sound from you, this time shorter than the last. You laid still for a long moment, seemingly thinking about what he said before you took in another deep breath, scrambling an arm around so that you could shove the covers off of your body.
"Okay... hot tub it is. But I want another snack from the vending machine afterwards."
The older man smiled, pleased that you were still listening to him. Good. That was a good sign. It wasn't like you to be even the slightest bit bratty, but perhaps that was just because you were cranky and tried. William could understand. You did have an eventful night last night. But still, he wasn't going to let you slip too far off. No. He couldn't.
William leaned in and pressed a kiss to your forehead, and you smiled.
"That's my good bunny."
~~~
Coaxing you out of bed and into the hot tub was probably one of the best ideas William had ever conceived.
Thankfully, like the thoughtful and smart bunny you were, you had thought to bring a swimsuit with you in your suitcase. Just in case a swimming occasion sprung up, you had told him. The thought of you standing in your room, picking out all of your clothes and outfits and other belongings so carefully for your getaway with William made him smile, and press a kiss to your hair. You were just too cute for your own good. And you had saved him the effort of trying to locate a bathing suit for you. Or convincing you to just wear your underwear. Or better yet, nothing at all.
No. Not nothing at all. Will changed his mind. He didn't want anyone else at the motel thinking that they could look at you.
Gathering up a few more necessities, such as some towels and some sunscreen, William was ready to leave the room behind and head down to the jacuzzi. Letting you feel helpful, he gave you the task of holding on to the keys for the room, and making sure the door was locked behind you two once you left. Once your task was complete, William led the way down to the pool area of the motel, grateful to see that there weren't any other people around.
The older man held the gate open for you as you stepped into the area with the hot tub, letting it close behind him with a loud clatter as he stepped in after. You took a look around while he set all the items he brought down on a chair, seeing the state of the outdoor attraction. Thankfully, the hot tub was covered, so none of the autumn leaves fell inside the water. But the same couldn't be said for the surrounding deck, nor any of the chairs. The chairs looked like they had seen better days as well, with some missing or scratched fabric, and even a few patches of algae in a few places. Much like the rest of the place, it certainly wasn't the Ritz. But, it was cozy. Quiet. And most importantly, vacant of other people.
"Well," William spoke up after a moment, turning to face you with a cheeky smile and a used-car-salesman-like gesture to the jacuzzi, "What do you think, bunny? Do you like it?"
You looked up at William for a moment then back to the covered pool, letting a hum slip from the back of your throat.
"Mmn... I think I'll like it more when it's actually on."
The brit chuckled at your sentiment, reaching out to ruffle your hair, "Understandable. It does look a bit drab, doesn't it?"
William stepped closer to press a quick kiss to your forehead before moving back closer to the hot tub, tugging his shirt off in the process and discarding it on the chair, "I'll have this up and running in no time, sweetheart, don't worry. Why don't you put on your sunscreen while I handle this, yeah?"
Even with his back turned, William could feel your eyes on his form, watching how his muscles rippled beneath his pale skin as he fiddled with the jacuzzi to try and get the jets going. His upper body was pretty toned from years of manual labor with his robots and at the Pizzeria, with strong arms and hands he knew you absolutely loved. You were a naughty bunny who just adored how strong he was, how he could pick you up and move your body around with ease. You especially liked how he could pin your hands down to the bed, didn't you? Hold those pretty wrists while he had his fun?
Naughty bunny.
William felt you stare at him for a moment longer before he heard you move around behind him, undoubtedly to grab the bottle of sunscreen from the chair. He heard the pop of the cap coming open and shut as you squeezed out some of the cream, rubbing it on your pretty skin as you watched him.
"Don't forget yours, either. I don't want you turning into, like... I dunno. A hot dog or something." You reminded him softly, earning another chuckle from the older man and a glance back at you with a smirk on his lips. How considerate of his little sweetheart.
"A hot dog?"
Your face turns a pretty shade of pink, but you can't help and laugh at yourself, "That's all I could think of! I'm just saying I don't want you to get all burnt. No offense, but you're pretty pasty, Will."
Pasty? That made William pause and look down at himself, opening his mouth to say something in rebuttal but quickly shutting it. Perhaps he was a bit pale. This was the most he had been outside in a while, after all, between working on his animatronics and the paperwork that came with the diner. Any yard work he just made Michael do.
Michael. Just thinking of the name brought a sour taste to William's mouth. That stupid boy.
William would have to deal with him later. As pissed as he still was at his son and bitch of an ex-wife, he needed to focus on his bunny.
With a few more tinkers to the hot tub, the jets finally turned on, and heat started to flood into the cold water. William straightened his back and turned back to you, striding over until his hands found your sides. He grabbed onto you and pulled you in close for a kiss on the lips, letting your sweetness wash away the beginnings of his rage.
"Hmm, perhaps I am." The brit rumbled after pulling away, his grey eyes locking in with yours. The start of a smirk formed on his mouth, one of his hands moving up to give a quick pet to your hair. "That just means I might need some... assistance with making sure I'm properly covered, no?"
He earns a smile out of you, the happy smile he loves so much, and a giggle, your arms wrapping around his neck in return for his embrace.
"I'll help you with your back, but that's it!"
"Oh, but what if I can't reach my other bits? My back's seen better days, y'know. How would I reach my legs if I cant bend down? And my shoulders have been aching as well. Can barely lift my arms--"
"William!" You exclaim his name with more giggles, and he can't help but chuckle along. Playing with you and being silly just came so naturally, with him barely even having to try. It was refreshing, especially after having to fake it with others for so long. You mad him feel things for the first time in a long, long while. One of the many reasons he loved you.
"Alright, alright. Back it is. You win, bunny."
William leaned down and stole another kiss from you before he pulled away, grabbing the bottle of sunscreen. He massaged a good amount in to all of the parts of his body he could reach before handing it to you, letting you finish the rest on his back.
When you were done, he thanked you and tried to step into the jacuzzi, but your voice stopped him.
"Will, hold on."
You reached up with your free hand and cupped his cheek, and he felt you gently pull him down so that he was more at your level. Nearly nose to nose, you gave him a smile, and his eyes softened as he saw you up close. You were even more adorable up close; all the subtle features he loved on display. You squirted some of the sunscreen onto your fingertips before smearing it on his pale cheeks, making sure to apply an even coat everywhere.
"You can't forget your face," You told him, your fingers smoothing over his nose and the dark circles that lingered under his eyes, "Getting a burn on your cheeks is the worst."
William only hummed in reply, his gaze never leaving your face as he allowed you to finish up your work. He wasn't used to someone taking care of him like this, with such genuine concern for him and care. It made him feel a little better, that you were still okay and that what had happened yesterday didn't affect you too much. But, more importantly, it reminded him of how much he longed for you. No one else would do something like this for him. Even with how generous he was with others in all regards.
You were the only one. The only one he saw, the only one that mattered.
The only one he loved.
"You're so thoughtful, bunny." He murmured lowly, "Thank you."
"Well, gotta look out for my favorite old man." You teased with that little chuckle of yours, and he watched you put the cap back on the sunscreen.
William smiled in return, adoring how you teased him. You were the only one that could tease him and get away with it. That could tease him without him wanting to smash your head against the wall.
"Yeah? Well, I'll show you what this old man can do."
Without warning, William surged forward and wrapped an arm around you, hoisting you up into his arms and slinging you over his shoulder. He heard you yelp in surprise and he gave your ass a firm smack, earning another yelp. The brit then carried you over to the hot tub and stepped inside, maneuvering you so that you could slip off of him without hurting yourself. He held your waist as he guided you off of his shoulder and into the warm water, and subsequently into his lap, sitting on his thigh.
"There, now isn't this nice?" He crooned, a proud look on his face at his display of strength. He watched as you shifted around on his lap to get more comfortable, your adorable hands settled on his chest for stability, one of his arms around your waist while the other draped over the back of the jacuzzi.
"It is, actually." You said, "I thought the water might be gross, but this is, like, real nice."
William chuckled, "Oh, bunny, you worry too much, my love. I'd never let you swim around in such dreadful water."
The older man watched as you smiled, admiring you for a long moment before he lifted up his free hand. He settled it on your cheek, feeling you lean in to his touch as his thumb brushed over the round apple of your face.
His bunny. His adorable, sweet little creature. Far too good for this cruel, cold world. Being this close, he could admire your features again, seeing the beginnings of dark circles form under your eyes. Undoubtedly from late night college work sessions. He wanted to take that away from you. He wanted to take all of the hardships and troubles in your life and just leave you with bliss. Relaxation. Him.
He would take care of everything for you. Every single thing.
Even if... others tried to step in.
Yes. That. He had nearly forgotten.
As much as he didn't want to bring up the night prior, he knew he had to. It was just better to rip the band-aid off now rather than let it fester.
"Bunny?" William spoke softly, and he watched your attention perk up.
"Yeah?"
The brit took in a deep breath in and out of his nose, brushing his thumb over your cheek a few times.
"Are we... alright, my love?"
William felt a spark of relief as he saw a look flash in your eyes, one that made your brow furrow and your nose crinkle. Confusion.
"Of course we are." You stated firmly, clearly trying to reassure him. "Why?"
He flashed a small smirk before taking in another deep breath, shaking his head a few times as his hand dropped down to hold onto yours, fingers intertwining together.
"Well," He began, clearing his throat, "I hate to bring it up again, but... I know last night was... Quite a bit, wasn't it? Clara, she... She had no right to approach you like that. Out in the cold. In the dead of night..."
William closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, a muscle ticking in the side of his face. He too another deep breath, calming himself down before he got worked up about it again. Breathe, Will. The last thing bunny needs is for you to lose your temper.
He opened his eyes and looked up at you again, his gaze immediately turning softer as he squeezed your hand.
"My poor little sweetheart." He continued, "Must've scared you half to death... What I mean to say, bunny, is that... I don't want you to be scared of me, my love. I don't want you to be scared going forward. What Clara told you; It's not something you should listen to. Her and I have a past, yes, but that doesn't mean I want it to affect my future with you. Do you understand, love?"
William watched your eyes soften and study his face the entire time he spoke, and he tried his best to get a read on what you were feeling. Before he could, you sighed, and lifted a hand to run through your hair before it found its home on his shoulder.
"I do understand." You replied, your eyes darting away before looking back into his, "And you're right. It was scary, but... I just..."
You hesitated for a moment, your lips tightening into a line before you finished.
"I just need you to promise me that what she said wasn't true, Will. Look me in the eyes and promise me."
William paused, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of him. His pupils dilated, and he lifted his hands to cup either side of your face. His eyes looked directly into yours, and a soft smile stretched across his lips.
"I promise."
~~~
The two of you stayed inside of the hot tub for a long while; past the point of your skin being pruney. Stolen kisses and very forward touches under the water were plenty, and William didn't want it to end. But he knew you didn't want to sit in there forever. And he could have much more fun with you in the comfort of the hotel room.
William helped you to dry off after he was able to dry himself off and get his shirt back on, just a few stray droplets running down his long legs. You looked adorable wrapped up in the fluffy towels he had brought down, and he adored the way you giggled when he dried your hair. The older man took the opportunity to take a smoke break while you packed up the towels in the bag, insisting on being helpful like the good little bunny you were.
He first saw it out of the corner of his eye, but soon enough, it was the only thing William could look at. Red. Fucking red. That damned red convertible, parked far away behind the trees where she thought he wouldn't be able to see it. Stupid and sloppy, just like always. William took another hit of his cigarette, letting the smoke fill his lungs for a long while before he exhaled nice and slow.
"Ready to head back, hun?" William heard your sweet voice say, grabbing his attention. He turned to look down at you, smiling softly at you as he used his free hand to pull you closer.
"Just about. Why don't you go on and head up, love? I'll be right behind you. Going to see about finding us some dinner."
William leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead and you giggled again.
"Yes, sir." You said, kissing his cheek before you sauntered off with a flirty look over your shoulder.
Tempting him, were you? Naughty little bunny. Sir would be there soon, but he had something to do first.
The brit made sure you were out of sight before letting his cigarette fall to the ground, stepping on it under his shoe to put it out before he set off. With the lack of people around the motel this time of night, it wasn't hard at all to find her. Especially with those dreadful pink clothes she loved to wear for some reason. She was stood at one of the phone booths at the side of the motel, thinking she was discreet as she dialed a number. Undoubtedly trying to reach that little brat they called a son.
Not so fast.
"Clara."
William could tell that his voice scared her, recognizing the way she flinched at the sound. She was quick to drop the phone and whip her head around, her green eyes the size of dinner plates as her mouth hung open. She stood in silence, and William couldn't help but smirk and chuckle under his breath. It was almost too easy.
"Don't look so surprised. You've never been one for being discreet." He spoke calmly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his swim trunks. He could tell even from the distance between him and his ex-wife that she was shaking, her heels clacking against the concrete ground until her back hit the wall of the building.
"Y-You can't be here." Clara stammered out, her southern accent much more thick and annoying than William remembered. "Courts said you can't talk to me no more."
"You think I care about some stupid restraining order?" William sneered, his brow furrowing in annoyance, "Especially after the little stunt you pulled last night? And let's not forget you're the one that followed me here, Clara."
"Oh, stop it, William. You need to leave (Y/N) alone. What you're doing to them is--"
"Don't. Don't bring (Y/N) into this." William snarled, his grey eyes darkening dangerously as he stepped forward close enough to loom over Clara, his tall frame blocking out the light of the street lamps. He would see the flash of fear that appeared in the southerner's eyes, but she tried to stand her ground.
"You brought (Y/N) into this first."
William let out a harsh, short laugh, "I didn't bring them in to anything! We're in love. Don't tell me you've suddenly become a jealous ex."
Clara clenched her jaw, a muscle ticking in her cheek. "Fuck you."
The brit whistled, "Oh? Someone's gotten a temper. Don't tell me I was right. I was merely joking--"
"Never in a million years would I want you back, you psycho!" Clara shouted, glaring up at her ex-husband and pointing her finger in his face. William looked down at the digit unamused before looking back at Clara. "This has nothin' to do with any of that! You need to leave (Y/N) alone. You don't have the capacity to love anyone but your damn self! What you're doing to them is sick! Once they find out what kind of mean you really are--"
In a flash, William stepped up aggressively to Clara, forcing her to be quiet and press her back against the wall again. It was his turn to point his finger in her face, his grey eyes dark and full of unchecked fury. His jaw was clenched tight, hissing his words through clenched teeth, clearly trying to hold himself back from yelling.
"Listen here you stupid cow," He snarled, "You have no right to come between (Y/N) and I, do you hear me? I agreed to your fucking terms and left you alone, and that doesn't give you to right to stick your nose in my life. Your pathetic mind could never understand what (Y/N) and I have!"
William had to pause for a moment, his temper barely under control. He closed his eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath in and out of his nose before letting his lids flutter open again.
"If I find you or that little shit Michael sniffing around (Y/N) again or putting ideas in their head, I will not hesitate to gut the both of you like the swine you are. Do I make myself clear?"
William was only satisfied when Clara eventually nodded, and he was able to watch her scurry off to her car and peel out of the parking lot.
She was lucky that his bunny was waiting for him back in the room.
It was the only thing that prevented him from making good on his word right then and there.
~~~
You heard the door open a lot later than you expected. You had taken your shower, changed into pajamas and everything by the time William came back to the room, carrying a white, greasy paper deli bag with him. You were laying on the bed watching TV, but sat up straight and stood up off the edge as he shut the door behind him.
"Hey," you said, offering the older man a smile, "You were gone a bit. Long line or something."
"Hah, yes... Something like that." William replied, offering a smile in return that didn't quite reach his eyes. It made you frown, and you stepped up closer to him as he emptied out the pockets of his swim trunks, putting a hand on his arm.
"Is everything okay?" You asked, searching William's handsome face for any answers. He turned to you after setting his wallet down, staring at your face without a word. It was almost an uncomfortably long silence until he finally spoke up, his big hands lifting to hold either side of your face.
"Bunny..." He rumbled, his thumb brushing over your soft cheeks, "My darling bunny... I love you so much, you know that? I won't ever let anyone take you from me."
You blinked at William's words, not expecting to hear something so sweet from him so sudden. Granted, he often liked to praise you to no end, and was never short on affection. But this felt... different. You saw something in his eyes, but you weren't quite sure what it was. Nor did you even know how to begin to ask. Instead, you just leaned into his touch, letting your hands rest over top of his.
"I know," You replied, "I love you too, Will."
It was only then that William smiled, seemingly more genuine this time. He leaned down and stole your lips in a long, drawn-out kiss, eventually pulling away just to wrap you up in his arms.
He held you for far longer and far tighter than normal the rest of the night.
What your favorite Hermit says about you! (In the style of Blake Jennings)
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ALL IN GOOD FUN AND JEST. NONE OF THESE ARE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. Also all of these are based mostly on vibes and minimally on research. If you wanna check out the guy whose videos inspired this post, you can click here.
WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY, ONTO THE SHAMING!
BdoubleO100: Chronic scratcher. You've never thrown a proper punch in your life but my god you've turned multiple people's arms into segmented paper after they looked at you funny.
Cubfan135: It's low-hanging fruit to say you're the most neurodivergent person in any room you enter. It's high-hanging fruit to say you're the neurodivergent who spends uncomfortable amounts of time in games like The Sims or People Playground perfecting your handmade torture chambers and killing machines.
DocM77: Horny jail. Your W.I.Ps would get you flogged by a priest in the town square, and there's a non-zero chance you'd actually be into that.
Ethoslab: A majority of the time, you're relatively normal passing. But the times you aren't you are a magnitude 10 quirkquake. This is both an insult and a compliment.
Falsesymmetry: Ah, perfectionists. You poor lot are masters at getting stuck in the "wanting things to be perfect vs knowing you don't have enough skill to make it perfect" loop which leads you into doing nothing and then developing depression.
Geminitay: Out of every hermit fanbase, Gem mains are the ones I believe most when they say they'd kill and die for their hermit. Like everyone else you can just go "haha funny! I am also a fan of hyperbolic humour" but with Gemboys you're not quite sure if bestie is joking or admitting to premeditated assault.
Grian: I get the feeling that you are the type of person who, when asked what you want to eat, will say "I'm fine with anything!" but you'll get genuinely frustrated if they pick something you didn't want.
GoodtimeswithScar: You guys are the embodiment of the bed of nails vs one nail phenomenon. The most traumatic thing could happen to you and you're like "eh" but if a stranger called you mid you would start sobbing.
Hypnotizd: WHERE ARE YOU?! What kind of dark, hidden discord servers do you people hide in??? Hypno mains are like the goddamn Higgs-Boson, finding evidence of one existing in public is damn near impossible but you MUST EXIST or there would be a fundamental error in the fabric of the universe. I can't even poke fun at you because I CANNOT FIND YOU.
iJevin: I'm guessing Vulture Culture is very important to you. If it's not, it's only a matter of time until it will be.
ImpulseSV: You, like him, are a cavalcade of undiagnosed mental disorders that you don't feel like getting treated. Really, the only difference between you and him is the fact that you are a lesbian.
Joe Hills: Your right-wing older relatives call you a woke leftist and your cousins call you a weirdo. What no one will call you is a maladaptive daydreamer because you've at least got the sense to keep that to yourself at family reunions.
Keralis: *sigh* Daddy kink. And that's all the descriptive words you deserve because you are neither slick nor subtle with it.
MumboJumbo: He is babygirl. You want to be babygirl. You are not babygirl. You're sitting on your throne of bones and this man is the bunny you pet while you watch the heroes lose to you in children's card games.
PearlescentMoon: Hello art kids! Specifically, art kids who could not have a normal student-teacher relationship with art teachers. There was at least one art teacher in your life who either adored you or hated your guts and which one you got completely depended on how neurodivergent YOU were and how neurodivergent THEY were. (This includes all forms of art)
Rendog: People who are most likely to be turned into bangmaids by their boyfriend/girlfriend. Look, it's completely okay that you like your partners a little bit cringe and pathetic and dumb, but remember that weaponized incompetence is not sexy!
Skizzleman: You have daddy issues, or you have intimacy issues. You could even have both. Whatever you have, you NEED to seek therapy because he cannot fix you.
Smallishbeans (Joel): You're the type of person who's kinda obsessed with the idea of biting people as a show of affection. Which is unfortunate because associating that behavior with a brunette British man historically hasn't ended well.
TangoTek: Oh my god, PICK A STRUGGLE. Are you addicted to having 500 problems at once and 65% of them are self-inflicted? I can't think of any other reason you'd do these things to yourself because it's not like you ENJOY this, you meet every single battle with the disposition of a SOAKED CAT.
VintageBeef: I know you'd lose ALL self-respect if you met a man (or woman) like Beef in a bar or club. Like, biblical levels of self-disrespect. You'd lose all morals, all convictions, everything you've ever known about the world and yourself, just for a chance. I don't know if it's admirable or really, really sad.
Welsknight: Oof, how's that religious trauma treating you? If you were brought up in a non-religious environment, swap this out with that emptiness you feel when you realize you will never be able to truly convince yourself to believe in any faith, even if you want to.
xBCrafted: Hey diva, how's your mid-to-late 20s going? Still having a crisis over being able to drink fewer and fewer glasses of wine without feeling like death in the morning? Oh, you're not in your mid-to-late 20s? Damn, you've probably been called an old soul your entire life, and I'm not sure you've realized yet that it's not a good thing.
Xisumavoid: It's hard to pick on you guys because you already have it hard enough, so let me give you some advice instead. DO NOT DATE THAT TRADWIFE/TATER TOT YOU'RE CHECKING OUT. I know the temptation is there but YOU CANNOT FIX THEM. THEY WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.
Zedaph: You could not explain your gender identity to your cishet family members if you tried. Honestly, you couldn't explain it to your fellow gays either. You have ascended to gender beyond most people's imagination.
ZombieCleo: You have a thing for authority, don't you? You want nothing more than for a person higher up the food chain to tell you straight up what to do at all times so you don't have to navigate the minefield that is small talk with people you don't know.
And that's all of them! Thank you for reading through this project of mine! If the comment under your favorite hermit doesn't fit you, feel free to write your own in the tags or something. Or yell at me for being stupid and dumb and bad and knowing nothing about you. We love free will and attention here at the Eluminium Tumblr blog.
you found me @goodenoughname - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
