bleghhhghgg/neg @goopymess - Tumblr Blog

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name's Idir, pronouns are it/VHS in here. this is all just a vent account.

I don't condemn anything that is posted here. this is just an online diary, to call it some typa way. all is tagged and yadda yadda yadda. I'm totally pro-recovery.

most usual things that will be posted are BPD related vents. because I need to scream into the void to feel better. yeah that's all.

I'll never be a man I don't know why I keep fucking trying man I should leave him so he actually goes out with a MAN not whatever the fuck I'm supposed to be I'm so fucking disgusting this is sick

#tw cursing #transgender vent #vent post

"oh but at least it's not cancer!" have you thought about the fact that I'm tired either way.

#rant post #tw cancer mention

xvelvetcoffinx

backshots this, backshots that, i would like to be taken out back and shot

stellaltumi

stop villanizing disabled people. stop assuming we're just being lazy. stop assuming we could be trying harder. stop assuming that we'll "feel better" in a few weeks. stop assuming that we have the same energy levels as everyone else. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

I just loooove (/sarc) going low on my bf's house at fucking 7am in th morning what do you mean I begged him for some chocolate. I don't even remember why I did that.

#man I literally gulped down a juice? now I'm 122 ⬆️#yeah great work man now you're getting too high. good job.#rant post #diabetes #t1d #tw cursing #rant

willgrahamscock

“I would die for my kids” your children want an apology

willgrahamscock

your made up scenario isn’t real (shocker) and makes no difference when your kids are starving for your acknowledgment of the pain you caused them. you’re only performing the role of a good parent, without having to actually do any heavy lifting

willgrahamscock

emfyre

[photo id: a screenshot of tags

#you'll die for me. awesome. will you break a habit for me? will you learn something new for me? will you fix your mistakes for me? #dying for me is surprisingly easy - it's often passive and instantaneous and you only need to do it once #will you do the hard thing of constantly and consistently putting in the work again and again and again?

/ end id]

in the car with 78🔽 and my brain tricked me into thinking I had picked my backpack up when I didn't so I don't have anything to eat. this is my farewell🫡

#rant post #why does this happen to me. what. why #diabetes #t1d

sometimes I'm like "huh I'm not that traumatized by the school system. I was pretty tame with some of the things that happen on a daily basis." and then I remember that I told my grieving family that I was going to go to the hospital to say goodbye to my dying grandfather after I finished some school work because I was on a deadline. so yeah that's food for thought.

#rant post #tw dying #??? ig #school system #I don't know man I just gotta get this off of my chest

how do I explain that I cvt myself not to punish myself (in most cases) but because if I'm going to be treated like an unwanted dog then I'm going to act like one. I'm going to bite at my paws until I bleed just to lap at the blood that blooms out of the wounds to feel the closeness that I will never truly feel no matter how hard I try

#vent post #tw self destructive behavior

I've been spiraling so hard that I haven't slept at all lolll I have a con to attend in a couple hours too. oh I'll be dead.

goopymess

bpdcore I just agreed to do a tattoo on the spot so now I have an appointment for next week. shrugs

goopymess

maybe if she gets the stencil fast I'll have it tomorrow though. giggles

goopymess

this never fucking happened btw. but I'm at a tattoo shop rn and I just agreed yet again LMFAO so maybe if my brother gets his own fast enough THEN I'll be gettin mine. thumbs up!!!

borderline-culture-is

(could be ventish, I don't really know how to tag this. also kind of poetic-ish??? I dunno I'm just spilling my guts hoping someone understands this specific feeling.)

BPD culture is

since the day you were born you were my favourite person and I don't think I can ever get rid of that feeling— even though it's bittersweet at its core and I know it'll rot my teeth in the long run.

i will not dictate your life— you're growing. you don't deserve that, you never did. but sometimes I wish things were like before so you'd cling to me for the attention we gave each other when we were young.

but we're not. and you're growing. and you need a life— and I'll let you have that. I love you for what you are and I'll love you regardless of what you become, because you're still my sunshine.

but sometimes I can feel the sun dim. and see it drift away. and even though I know it's not my fault, it feels like so. because my childish self wants the attention from when we were young.

and anyway, at the end of the day, I'm still proud of you.

(I gotta say all this is strictly platonic. yahoo.)

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