Aight so @mirainwonderland dared me to post this.
AN - I don’t remember or know how to make posts pretty.
Commitment, what a strange word…
It had been 3 weeks. 3 weeks of sharp silence that was only broken by the echos of tears and yells.
Moments played in her mind, over and over again, especially the last one. The moment where he walked out, slamming the door, ending it before more words could be exchanged.
It didn’t take a special agent to figure out what he did next. Bursting his way into DSO Headquarters and demanding to be put on the next available job. Didn’t matter if it was below his skill level or pay grade, it was work or alcohol. This, in his mind anyway, was the lesser of two evils.
She didn’t even dig, didn’t question anyone, didn’t try to find out exactly where he was. However, amongst the barrage of complex feelings, she still hoped he was being safe. That he’d come home, even if it wasn’t to her.
She worked too, only being trusted with paperwork since her partner, in more ways than one, took himself away, leaving her to be branded as some kind of ‘risk’. She felt it was a pathetic excuse, and she made that very clear to Hunnigan.
“My sanity doesn’t depend on him! I’m still a damn good agent!”
She stopped counting the days after the first week, not wanting to spiral, wanting to reject everything within her that fell into that cliche… of falling apart without him.
It was currently dusk, she was out for a walk after reluctantly finishing that weeks’ paperwork. Black chunky biker style boots, mercilessly trampled over the early turned autumn leaves. It was peaceful, the small forest area being a haven from everything she was trying not to feel.
Such peace didn’t last long.
Normally, feeling a hand grasp her leather clad arm, would result in the perpetrator being slapped or kicked, but she knew it was him.
Her chest tightened and before she even met his intense gaze held in those sapphire eyes, she could feel the dam of stubbornness she’d put in place, begin to crack.
A slightly shaky breath escaped her cool toned lips.
They just looked at one another for at least 20 seconds. Knowing that once words began to flow between them, the love that lingered, had the potential to be broken down.
She didn’t flinch away and as much as she wanted to avoid everything, especially as a tear rudely escaped, dragging messy eyeliner with it, she couldn’t. That wouldn’t be right, for either of them.
“I love you.” She began before carefully, yet firmly removing her arm from his grip, the leather of her black jacket, squeaking softly from the friction.
“But marriage, is not for me.” Her tone was firmer as she echoed the words that had been said through tears, only 3 weeks ago. She was thankful that she was able to remain composed this time, yet her eyes still conveyed that same level of emotion, if not more.
As she saw the weight of her words slap his weary face, she could feel more tears fighting to escape. She wanted so very badly, to give him that fairytale he desperately wanted but that would be a lie, and he deserved so much more than that.
“I’ve never wanted it… never wanted that white picket fence fantasy.” She continued as he leaned himself against the nearest tree and slowly dragged his hand down his face.
Internally, he was yelling at himself. How could he be so foolish as to think she’d change her stance? The most stubborn person he’s ever met. A woman who often enjoyed the rejection of societal standards. The woman he loved. More than anything.
He wasn’t exactly one for traditionalism. However, marriage and maybe even a family was the one tradition he wanted for himself. So much had been taken from him, was he not allowed, just this one thing?
“It’s … it’s not just about that fantasy… it’s -“ He began to speak, as if in some final desperate attempt to not lose her.
But she cut him off before he could continue, they’d already had this discussion, there was no point in more tears and distress.
“Commitment?” Her tone was rhetorical with an undercurrent of hurt at the very suggestion that just because she didn’t want to get married, she wasn’t utterly committed and devoted to him.
“Or the whole public declaration?” She continued, her words were sharp but not with malice or venomous intent. She simply was doing her best to tell him that this was it, she could sense it, from the moment he presented her with that stunning black opal ring held within a silver band. This was the ultimate deal breaker for him. She couldn’t even blame him, she just wasn’t a girl that wanted a fairytale. As much as that fact ripped her apart, it meant that she couldn’t possibly be his person. Not truly.
“We gave up on a public life years ago.”
This time, the conversation just hurt so much more. More than any bullet wound or chronic pain he’d suffered. This time she wasn’t crying, she wasn’t raising her voice. It was like she’d given up on them. He didn’t want that. He cursed that glimmer of hope that settled in when he left for that mission. That whisper of, ‘time apart will convince her’.
He had to face reality now, his one dream shattered. He knew she wasn’t keen on having a family, that he maybe could’ve done without. As long as he had her. His one light in the darkness of his life.
It was all so raw, he’d spent the past year having little daydreams of a wedding, of a home, of leaving the agency together. He spent so long, scouring small business for a ring that suited her. All for nothing.
Was it selfish? That he assumed she’d want the same? Or did this further prove that she wasn’t meant to be his, no matter how his heart screamed.
No more waking to the autumnal scent of her favourite perfume. No more flirtatious moments during a mission. No more falling apart in the dark safety of her arms.
He had to walk away.
