Style: Mine switches but mainly, dark academia, goth, nerdy, and middle school boy. My fashion sense is all over the place but I stick with black or dark clothes. I am also almost always cold so I wear many layers and hoodies.
Personality: I am an introvert and have very bad anxiety. I tend to be chatty at times and be a pessimist. I tend to be a smartass though and make sarcastic comments under my breath. I also get frustrated with things because of my ADHD and Autism. I tend to stim, have anxiety/ADHD tics, scratch my arm, and stutters. I am pretty smart but my procrastination doesn’t help that. I am also almost very tired because I have horrible sleeping habits. I like staying up at night which is nice for me. I have a habit of going non-verbal for times so I learned ASL. my MBTI list is INTJ/INTP. I also have period of manic where I am in top of the world or quickly into panic attack mode.
Likes: weird stuff like bones, rocks, random trinkets. I love to read and write in my free time and cooking: especially baking.
Dislike: my tics since they draw attention when I’m already anxious, bright light and noises, stepping on cracks, being yelled at.
Sorry if I rambled too much.
I match you with...
Husk!
Best partner to watch scary movies with, he won't make a fuss! Says that crap doesn't scare him.
He definitely hears you whisper sarcastic comments and chuckles and agrees with you.
He also stays up late, just keep him company at the bar. No talking needed.
I feel like he would know how to comfort you and help you with panic attacks.
If he finds something random that he thinks you would like, he brings it to you. Just don't make a big fuss about it.
Would never say no to a baked good, especially if you make something special just for him.
Picks up immediately that you don't like people yelling so he never raises his voice at you and makes sure no one does whenever he can.
Soo sorry for the wait but here it is! I hope you liked it! Also I tried to leave it as vague as possible so you can interpret it however you prefer!
Summary: You find yourself unable to stop staring at your friend's new boss.
Notes: spreading my lesbian Velvette agenda
"Isn't this what you wanted?" Velvette asks you. Her stare pins you in place and you don't dare move from the chair she ordered you to sit on a couple moments ago.
"Do you think I wouldn't notice your eyes on me" she whispers seductively. She grabs your chin in her hand and forcefully maneuvers it up so you don't have any choice but keep looking at her.
Her thumb swipes over your mouth and lingers on your bottom lip. You open it obediently and whatch how her mouth contorts into a smirk.
"Good girl" she says as you keep her thumb in your mouth and lightly suck on it.
"Let me see what else that mouth can do. On your knees." She demands. You lower yourself on the floor and watch her as she gets rid of her pants and underwear and sits on the bed.
The vision is downright sinful, you would have never thought that you would find yourself in this position when you entered in the club prior tonight. You just wanted to celebrate your friend's successful first job as a model for Velvette when you actually met the fashion designer herself. She was really hot, that you couldn't deny, but she was an overlord while you were a simple sinner trying to get by another day in hell without being exterminated. Still, she must have noticed your interest in her and a couple of drinks later here you were.
She spreads her legs more and you crawl towards the foot of the bed.
"Now let mommy come and I'll consider rewarding you" the moment the words are out of her mouth you bury your head between her legs.
You start tentatively giving a small lick and kisses to gauge her reaction. She locks eyes with you and pushes you in even more, locking you in with her legs.
You lick a long stripe and take her bud into your mouth, adding a finger into her entrance to help. She throws her head back and moans, her hand going into your hair and tugging it while her legs try to close in on your head.
You force her thighs open with your other hand while adding another finger. You have no idea what she was talking about when she mentioned a reward but you really wanted to make her happy nonetheless. You would have regardless, even if she didn't mention a possible reward.
Velvette starts grinding her pussy on your face and you start sucking harder and fingering faster to get a taste of her cum. Her wetness is spread all across your finger and lips but you don't find yourself caring at all. The sounds she is making are so hot you find yourself involuntarily humping the floor.
She comes with a loud moan and settles back into the bed, panting. You stay on the floor waiting for her orders, not wanting to displease her.
She looks at you curiously when she hears you pop the fingers covered in her juices in your mouth and then smirks.
"You really are mommy's good girl, aren't you?" She coos at you, standing up. "Now take off your clothes and get on bed, on all fours."
You strip as fast as you can without tripping and position yourself on the bed, ready for whatever Velvette has in store for you.
"Aww look at you, such a pretty baby. Don't worry mommy will take care of you." You hear her positioning herself behind you and feel something poking at your folds. A strap.
"Already all wet just by eating me out. I'm gonna have so much fun with you." And have fun she did, making you beg and cry for a release, only for her to overstimulate your poor cunt all night long.
its been awhile since u updated and i just wanted to ask if u were ok :(( pls dont overwork urself with the matchups
Hii, ty for checking in! I'm fine, just got busier :) but I've also been working on a couple of fics and some match-ups. I usually want to get a lot done together so I can post at least one a day. Anyways I'll be back to posting soon, stay tuned for a new character fic really soon and match-ups!
As I was done with the previous ones I am opening new spots.
Please refer to this post for how to request and what/who I don't write. Please try to write as much as you can so that I can have a better idea of who to match you up with, and you can have more personalized headcanons.
I don't know for how long I will keep them open (it depends on how many requests I get) so please refer to this post before sending one.
If you are also interested in sending in a non match-up related request check out below!
More info on match-ups below!
Some q&a:
If you sent a request and can't find it on my account, it means you sent it when match-ups were closed. You can send it again and I will do it!
Please try to include at least a bit of everything mentioned here
Specify if there's any characters that are a no-go for you!
Normal requests:
Refer here for characters/things I don't write;
I generally don't prefer to write platonic requests but anything else is fine (smut, fluff...)
I only write x reader pieces
Nothing else to say, if anyone wants to drop by the inbox (for any fandom I write for) for normal requests they are also open!
Hello! I saw you were doing a Hazbin matchup thing so I wanted to try and see who I get!
My name's Maria(Often called "Mia" as a nickname).
I'm straight and I go by she/her.
I have shoulder length dark brown hair with curtain bangs that naturally lightens up at the ends(which I prefer to often style up in a high ponytail) I also have dark brown eyes and I wear glasses.
I'd say my style is sort of punk or comfy? I can honestly put anything on when I'm feeling lazy but I like suits or vests and jeans the most. Though I don't mind wearing a flashy cocktail dress or gown to parties.
My hobbies are deeply rooted in software engineering or just programming, I like making little things on my computer just out of convenience or when I'm bored. Fun fact: my thesis research paper was actually making a functional robotic hand! Other than that though, I tend to draw, write, sing or dance- the latter two mostly when people aren't around. I've been told I have a nice singing voice but I still feel shy about it.
I tend to be quite an active person, sometimes bordering hyperactivity with how much I fidget or bounce off the walls.
I wouldn't say I'm exactly an ambivert since I can be quite social when I need to be. I'm relaxed around friends and tense in unfamiliar places but it's a habit of mine to put on a smile and then size up the people around before approaching them and chatting. I'm kind of a chatterbox as well, or so I've been told-
I like robots and tech, most futuristic things even science-fiction gets me hyped. I'm a look to the future type of gal and I can't wait to see what the world still has in store.
I reaaaaally hate paperwork, the mundane stuff like papers and essays leave me so bored I get distracted so easily.
I also tend to rant a lot when I'm frustrated, as well as listening to people ranting whenever they need an ear. I know how nice it feels to get it off your chest sometimes so yeah.
My favorite colors are red and blue, the former my favorite because it represents bravery and persistence- and the latter for representing peace and tranquility.
Anyway... a type? I think someone who's straightforward about what they want and don't dance around the bush. A teasing and taunting game is fun, but in eventuality I'd rather get with someone who knows what they're looking for and they're certain of what they want. Not to mention I'd like a man who knows how to treat a lady, I don't think chivalry is dead- as much as people believe it so.
Anyway- I hope that's enough info for you- I can't wait to see who I get matched with! :)
I match you with...
Lucifer Morningstar!
It's funny because while you are always looking towards the future he's still trying to "catch up" to the present.
Really likes your minds and could listen to you talk for hours even if he doesn't fully understand what you're talking about.
Give him a little time to understand what he wants and after he will take every opportunity to try and sweep you off your feet.
He definitely knows how to treat a lady.
Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is always appreciated!
Hello! I’d like a Hazbin Hotel match up if it’s possible.
Everyone can call me by different pronouns, it means little to me. Preferences in a partner: everything is even, I love many and appearance or character does not matter much.
Personality: I can be either energetic or passive. Often silent, but if we find a common topic, I can become a good conversationalist and listener. I see both the light and dark sides of things, which allows me to make decisions. I am not shy about making mistakes (meaning swearing, etc.) I can approach everyone, but I don't try to make friends. You could say that I am mostly immersed in my thoughts. I often help in any way I can in a good way. I'm often busy and busy, but I don't mind taking a break and listening to music.
Hobbies: reading (especially Lovecraft, Mark Twain, Fyodor Dostoesky, Nikolai Gogol, Agatha Christie), Write (especially about something that is instructive and easy to understand for all ages) Drawing and crafts from papers and other materials. Listening to music (I love all genres except rap.)
I match you with...
Husk!
Sometimes you just keep him company at the bar and he enjoys it!
If you lend him some of your books you can discuss them together.
Down for a good conversation/lending a ear.
Likes to see your creations and whatever you come up with.
Hello I wanna do a match up platonic thing for Hazbin hotel I've seen it a couple times so my names Jasmine and I'm very funny I love pets especially dogs,cats,hamsters a lot and I'm very funny Goofy and cheerful I'm very caring but I don't know how to comfort people and become very awkward when a friend is sad but I am very loveable but quite clingy and I love playing video games a lot and.listening to kpop in my free time and before people become my friend im extremely shy and dont talk much but once you become a friend of mine im super energetic and make goofy jokes and talk a whole lot. so that's all hope you have a good day or night :)
I match you up with...
Charlie Morningstar!
Most supportive friend ever!
Once you become closer you match each other's energy!
She gives the best hugs!
Just don't linger too long because Vaggie is watching.
If you introduce her to k-pop I think she would really like it.
Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is always appreciated!
Hello! I was wondering if I could request a romantic Hazbin Match up! I am using this in other blogs, hopefully that's not a faux pas.
I'm Olivia.
Pronouns: She/her and female
Sexuality: Straight
Style: My style ranges depending on my mood but it consistantly falls into three categories of dresses (Usually knee length with a fit and flare waist), comfy (Sweaters and comforters), and sexy (Think corsets and bustiers.). I like wearing make-up and styling my hair into cute styles (Sadly I suck at braiding.) Shoes… honestly I think I like all shoes except crocks. I love Nail art too!
Hobbies/Interest: Drawing, singing, gaming, reading and shopping. I like trying out new things from activities and foods. Favorite subjects are history, mythology, and computer science, and I like building furniture when I have a guide.
Book genres: Romance, Fantasy, Historical, and Mystery
Personality: I'm called a social butterfly by everyone I know. I've also been told I have a tendency to adopt introverts into my circle and care for them. No joke, I've been invited to place because I'm willing to talk to strangers and not shy away from conversation. I've been told that I'm very entertaining to be around because I'm very bubbly and animated in my interations because I like making people happy.
Jokes on everyone because internally I'm very shy and a nervous wreck, I just know how to hide it well. I definitely can suffer from feeling inadequet and have imposter syndrome XD Honestly to quote my favorite character: I'm an insecure, neurotic control freak… on crack. I can also be materialistic and enjoy buying jewelry.
I'm very protective over my loved ones, think "Hurt them, I hurt you and no one will find the body." I tend to hover over loved ones if they are sick or sad and help take care of them.
I also can definitely be a bitch but usually the other person deserves my ire. I also will hold grudges if people backstab me. They can say they are sorry but I will not trust them again nor will I let them near my circle of people. I can also been
Oooooh I love spicy foods, baked goods, and love trying to make new dishes or eating them.
Love Languages:
Physical Touch: I love to cuddle, hug and everything else under the sun. If I'm kissed on the forehead, I will swoon.
Emotional: This is a must because if there's no emtional connection why is there a relationship to begin with. I want to be able to talk to my partner and them to me no matter the situation. Both the good and the bad.
Gift giving: I don't care what kind of gift, for me it's the thought that counts that I was on his mind.
My type: I'm very specific in my type so I'mma choose two good and one bad: I want someone loving and caring, and not a jackass. Otherwise I will be the one punching them.
I match you with...
Lucifer Morningstar!
I feel like he would benefit from someone who's a bit of an extrovert and pushes him to get out of his house a bit more but that also understands how he feels
It would take him a while to get warmed up to you but when he does prepare for him to be constantly by your side and showering you with gifts.
Always notices your outfits and showers you in compliments. Please do the same for him.
He thinks you're so cute when you show your protective side. He's the most powerful in all of hell and will most likely be the one protecting you, but don't mind him melting into a puddle if you threaten someone Alastor who tried to cross him.
Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is always appreciated!
Basically done with match-ups so I will be reopening them soon. I will NOT do the ones that were sent while they were closed, sorry not sorry. You can always send it again when they are open. (Refer to my pinned post to see if they are open or closed please).
Howdey!! I’m in the market for a lesbo match up. I’m a she her, with a very colorful style I guess, I love weird music and art. I knit for a hobby. I HATE geese. I love strong women, and bad bitches… what’s you’re verdict writer man?
I match you with...
Velvette!
By dating her you have access to hell's best fashion
The baddest bitch
She's a lesbian in my heart until told otherwise
She might use you as a model for some clothes she created while inspired by you
Expects a princess treatment so you better be ready to give it to her
Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is always appreciated!
Okay, since I've officially taken the role of the court's jester of Lucifer simps, I was thinking about another unserious fic where reader has the hots for Lucifer, but they're convinced that to really catch his attention they'd have to go through Adam first (who respawned in hell and is being helped by Charlie and staying at the hotel). Chaos would obviously follow and maybe Adam even rejects reader (for Lute maybe, we'll see), so they get even more worried that Lucifer wouldn't go for them, only for reader to realize they'd been an idiot all along. (This time with smut dw I got u)
hi, I was the anon you paired with husk that crochets, and i just wanted to say my day hasn't been the... best, so to speak and it really brightened my mood when I saw it on my way to work. Thank you so much for this, I really appreciate it <3333
Omg anon,
First of all I'm so sorry about your day and I hope things get better for you. Second thing, ty so much, I'm really glad I could help even if it was only for a second. Sending a cute Husker for a hug your way <3.
Specify your gender preference; preferably male, but I geniuenly don't care much. Panromantic demisexual
your pronouns; he/him
your style or aesthetic; I dress like Adam Sandler 99% of the time, bc im wayyy to tired t. Get changed in the morning, but if i do get dressed it's like if grungy/punk had a odd love child with a hippie fairy
your hobbies; crochet, drawing, read, writing. I also like live theater and was is stagecrew ✌️ also I ✨️sing✨️
Personality;im very quiet and reserved until i decide to befriend you, and then I become the most bubbly and chaotic gremlin. I'm also like if the fresh outta jail uncle and overconcerned mom friend and airport dad mixed all together. Very kind and caring, and sometimes forget to filter what I think,, so I say random shit.. (an example is me geniuenly going into specs oh how use can use a silicone d1ld0 as a chew toy, like chewlery)
Im also blunt a lot, but yent to bite my tongue if I don't see the convo going well. Also overly anxious and paranoid but hide it behindhumor.. im an angel dust kinnie if that says anything
some likes/dislikes;
Likes- books, tmnt, hazbin (obvi), doomscrolling tiktok, crochet reels on insta, discovering new music, watching musicals, drawing, looking at ideas for character designs, watching dnd related memes/info videos, internet deep dives about iconic moments in pop history or just history in general, those like.. lore video you watch at three am about the illuminate and shi, talking shit about people I don't like, or just shit talking, watching drama unfold, sometimes those dramatic reality tv shows, current online drama and discourse (I never interact I just read and laugh), also those bread sheeran memes, psychology, archeology, history, literature
Dislike- shitty people, slow walkers, people who just should not be allowed to walk in crowded hallways, bad walkers, shitty ass bad ass walkers-, horrible drivers, waking up before 9am, anything that triggers my sensory issues
if you have a type; someone who wont be Mean to me, and will listen to me when I rant a million miles a minute about one of the many obscure topics I know way to much about
I match you with...
Husk!
best listener, rant to him and even if he looks like he doesn't care he's always following what you say and ready to answer it
omg if you crochet him something he will treasure it forever, maybe he won't even actually use it because he's scared to ruin it
always more than ready to talk shit with you about people you don't like. He becomes soo smug if you insult Alastor, just don't do it when he's near
knows every musical, song you like but won't admit it's for you. He just likes it, okay?
enjoys dramatic reality tv shows more than anything but won't watch them if you don't do it first. Please do.
Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is always appreciated.
Warnings: reader is bored, bad choices, Lucifer is clueless and just wants to make Charlie happy, very bad choices, some swearing, crack fic, don't take this too seriously, reader is a dumbass, no smut. You might experience second-hand embarassement, sorry not sorry.
Summary: Valentine's day is approaching and reader is bored and wants to play matchmaker with Angel Dust and Husker. Lucifer is accidentally roped into it because he wants to make a good impression on Charlie. Chaos ensues.
Word count: 3.5k
Notes: I apologize for everything in advance. English is not my first language. Let's pretend Lucifer is actually over Lilith for the sake of the fic. Very, very nervous to post this but here we go.
Residing at the Hazbin Hotel wasn't as bad as people made it out to be. It was actually pretty difficult to find free rent and good company in hell, so even if you weren't sure about the whole redeeming thing, you weren't bothered in the slightest.
You spent the majority of your days going along with Charlie's exercises and gossiping with Angel Dust whenever he was free. You thought of yourself as pretty lucky compared to the average sinner in hell, so you weren't really complaining.
Still, there was something missing, some other form of entertainment, a dynamic that would switch up daily life a little and make it less boring. And after the weekly movie night on Voxflix that's when it hit you.
Since Valentine's day was getting closer, you and Angel decided to watch a cheesy rom-com, one of those that makes you sigh and squeal even if you don't believe in that type of love outside of the screen. You were just wondering about who the main couple reminded you of with flirty banter and hidden stares when suddenly the best idea ever-kind of-came to you!
"You okay over there, toots?" Angel had looked over to you worriedly.
"Never been better!" you smiled at him and redirected your attention to the movie, a plan forming in your mind.
You weren't even sure if Valentine's day was still a thing in hell, but if it wasn't, you were going to bring it back.
What you didn't know, though, was that the very own king of hell was gonna be accidentally roped into your schemes. And that you would end up developing an embarrassing crush on him.
Two days after your (not so) brilliant idea, you were in front of Charlie's room, asking for an audience.
You were ready to oversell your cause if necessary, but you knew Charlie had a good heart, and the fact that this idea might be beneficial for the hotel gave you high hopes.
You told her how it would have been wonderful if you could decorate the hotel's lobby for Valentine's day because everyone deserves a little bit of love, especially in hell! And throwing a small party would surely attract some new sinners.
At the end it didn't take much convincing. Charlie was very happy to have the opportunity to lure more people into trying to redeem themselves, and Vaggie wasn't too opposed either, as long as it was kept civil.
And that's how you found yourself in this predicament.
"I think pink would be the best suited for it." You said to none other than the king of hell. He was hunched over a gigantic banner that read "Valentine's day" followed by various hearts, and his face was scrunched into a deep, concentrated face.
After your successful meeting with Charlie, you thought either she or Alastor would have been the ones helping you with the task of decorating the hotel, you didn't know how wrong you were. Alastor didn't want anything to do with the project, pretending to be fully immersed in who knows what he was able to come up with on the spot. And you guessed that's when the big boss of hell himself came into the picture; having heard of Alastor's failure, he immediately jumped in to try and make himself look better in Charlie's eyes, even if it meant having to work with a lowly sinner like you.
He wasn't as annoyed by your presence as you were expecting, even if you were kind of bossing him around to get everything perfect. You would have the time to regret this later, right now you couldn't afford to not have the right atmosphere for what you were planning.
He nodded in approval and magically switched the color from red to pink, leaving some red hearts to create a better effect.
This wasn't your first time meeting the king of hell, you were right there when he and Alastor started fighting over who was the best father figure to Charlie. Although you didn't get to talk much that time or the one after that, as he was busy kicking Adam's ass. You were amazed by his powers, as any sinner like you would, and you found him to be quite a peculiar person. So you were quite happy, and also a bit intimidated, to spend this time alone with him.
"Now it's perfect" you said, finally happy with the final result. You started to think of a way to put it up effectively without having to use the hotel's old and rusty ladder when he unfurled his wings and easily put it in place.
They were so majestic and you had never seen such a shade of pure white, it wasn't really common in hell. You wondered how he kept them so pristine after all those years.
"Are we done now?" He asked while landing gracefully on the ground.
You looked around the lobby and smiled proudly at yourself. The bar was adorned with pink and white garlands, and cute and small red hearts spread here and there. From the ceiling, some pink and white paper flowers you and Angel Dust made were hanging beautifully, and the banner just tied them all together.
"We're just missing a little something." You said, not looking at him in the eyes. This was going to be the real protagonist of the event, and convincing him was going to be crucial.
He raised an eyebrow and looked at you expectantly. "We just need some mistletoe right there" you pointed at a secluded corner near the bar, where surely you'd manage to rope Angel and Husker close enough so that they at least would have to address the heart eyes they sent each other all the time. They weren't being as subtle as they thought.
"Mistletoe?" Lucifer crossed his arms and looked at you, confused.
"Yeah, you know the one that people usually have to kiss under. I think it makes a lot more sense for Valentine's day than Christmas, if I have to be honest."
"That's-" he tried to say, but you interrupted him because you really needed it for the plan to continue.
"I know, I know, but I spoke to Charlie and we reached an agreement." you really hoped that mentioning Charlie's approval was going to be enough for him to do it. You also hoped he wouldn't actually ask her because you did not have her approval for it. You were playing dirty, but you couldn't just surrender halfway through victory.
The man in front of you sighed, but he did it, you secretly thanked your lucky stars and tried to act as less suspiciously as possible.
You were getting good at this. Maybe you should really start considering a career in matchmaking.
"What does the king of hell think?" You asked while admiring your work. Maybe he didn't exactly like you or find your company suitable for his tastes, but you still thought you did a pretty good job together.
"I think it's still missing something" he said, looking around. He had discarded the jacket and hat half an hour ago, and you were just noticing he looked really good without them.
You were so wrapped up in your little plan that you didn't even take a good look at him. And maybe it should have stayed that way because he was Charlie's father, and oh, when did the room start to become so hot?
"Maybe a duck or two" he whispered to himself while scanning the bar's decorations. You took a little break from the inner hyperventilating to look at the same spot as him.
Was it some sort of hell's tradition you weren't aware of?
Maybe it was the sudden temperature increase in the room, or maybe you just wanted to make a good impression after an hour and a half of bossing him around (what were you even thinking?) but you found yourself agreeing with him. "Yeah, maybe you're right."
That night, the party was in full swing. The hotel's residents and some other sinners who didn't hate the idea of the theme party were all gathered in the hotel's lobby.
Charlie was ecstatic and she was going from sinner to sinner to explain her cause and invite them to the hotel. A way less hyper Vaggie was following her around, making sure everything went smoothly.
Alastor was still nowhere in sight, maybe hanging out with his friend named Rosie; while Nifty was going around chasing with a knife two bugs she found banging. They weren't going to have a good Valentine's day.
You were sitting at the bar next to Angel Dust, who was happily chatting away with you and Husker.
Lucifer was nowhere to be seen; he had appeared just before the beginning of the party, proudly showing you "his latest creation". A pink rubber duck with a bow and a small red hat resembling his own was pushed in front of your face. "It's a backflipping duck who also spits fire, and it's Valentine's day themed!" He grinned at you.
"That's remarkable" you had said and placed it on the bar counter, away from prying hands that could use it for who knows what.
"This was such a great idea y/n! We should do this every year!" an excited Charlie appeared behind you. "My dad is gonna be back soon, but I have to say you two did a really good job with the place." She patted you on the back and went back to chasing sinners.
"Yeah, what prompted you to do that?" Husk asked from behind the bar. You looked at the drink in your hand and shrugged. "I was bored"
Angel Dust snickered from next to you. "Our little y/n watched too many romantic comedies and thought they would hit it off with short king and maybe go at it or-"
"Woah" you chocked on air while Husk hid a smirk pretending to wipe the counter. "Angel, what the fuck?" You looked around to make sure no one important was listening in on your conversation.
"You didn't say no" he laughed, throwing his head back while Husk was pretending to swipe the floor where a couple of the red hearts had fallen. He was so close to the mistletoe.
"Because I don't need to, you'd have to be crazy to think you can bag the king of hell of all people" you hiss while trying to think of a way to get Angel there too.
"Darling, his wife left years ago, and he clearly hasn't gotten it on with anyone yet; don't sell yourself short." You took the duck you had put away and pretended to throw it at him. Only you accidentally pressed it, and actual flames started to shoot out from its mouth, causing Angel to jump back and land on the floor right next to Husk!
Your eyes went wide, and you dropped the duck to the floor. "Shit, I'm so sorry"
"Oh wow, he fell right under it" a new voice added.
Lucifer was right behind you and sent you an amused but also slightly confused smirk. Did he think you tried to kill one of your friends to get him under the mistletoe? Well, no shit he disliked sinners.
"Under what?" Angel started massaging his ass cheeks, you winced a little, thinking the impact of landing on the hard floor must have hurt him.
"Oh, y/n didn't tell you? We put mistletoe right there" he pointed at the exact spot. Now you were starting to rethink this whole plan, but it was already too late, so you had no choice but to push through.
"You know the tradition, right?" Husk shot you an unimpressed look while Angel was still on the floor.
"C'mon, it's not like you have to make out like them" you pointed at two sinners who were getting it on in a corner ever since they stepped into the party. You couldn't really blame them, wasn't that the spirit of the festivity anyway? Any kind of love was supposedly appreciated.
Then something amazing actually happened: Husk took Angel's hand in his, kissed it lightly, and pulled a blushing version of the spider to his feet.
Considering the way they had been dancing around each other for months, this was a huge accomplishment, and it was all thanks to you! At that point, you were too busy mentally giving yourself a pat on the back for the good job to fully pay attention to something that resembled Charlie's squealing coming from the back of the room. Did she have a radar or something?
When you met Husk's eyes the next second, though, you knew you had to get out of there and fast or you were done for. "Happy Valentine's day" you winked at them before sprinting like the coward you were to the other side of the lobby, leaving Lucifer and his little pink duck to handle the consequences.
Realistically, Husk and Angel combined couldn't hurt him even if they tried really hard, so you weren't too worried for him, and the duck had demonstrated she could defend herself quite efficiently.
As the party drew to a close, Charlie had roped you all into helping to clean up the place. You were busy taking down the bar decorations, carefully putting them in a box to store them for the following year, when you felt someone come up behind you.
You turned around and saw Angel dust with a handful of the white and pink paper flowers. He was headed right for the box on the counter, not looking at you.
"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean for it to happen the way it did. You shouldn't have gotten hurt." You kept your eyes on the garlands, refusing to meet his eyes.
"No hard feelings toots, but next time I'm not letting you pick the movie. And no more romantic comedies for you" you laughed as he carefully maneuvered the flowers into the box.
"Okay, I deserved that" he smiled at you. You took one of the flowers and offered it to him as a peace offering.
He took it, careful not to ruin your hard work, and pretended to swoon over it. Your friendship was gonna be okay. Surely you were even now? You even gave up rom-coms for a while.
After successfully taking all of the decorations down, you were headed to throw the mistletoe into the trash. It had fulfilled his role and caused enough chaos already.
Halfway through the path to the trash can you spotted Lucifer magically fixing some of the hotel furnishings that had been destroyed by some sinners.
He stopped when he noticed you and started heading your way. Oh no, did he find out already? You couldn't just run the other way now.
"I just spoke to Charlie, and she was really happy about the party, but something tells me the mistletoe wasn't on the list of approved decorations" he raised an eyebrow at you, weight propped on his cane.
You huffed out a breath you didn't know you were holding in and scrambled your brain for an excuse. Surely he wouldn't hate you too much? Having the king of hell against you was already bad enough, but having the king of hell against you while you had a pathetic little crush on him was even worse.
"That was a personal project" you said reluctantly, looking everywhere but at him.
"Oh, and how did this project of yours go then?" you dared to take a quick look at his face, and his amused smirk, which made him look unfairly sexy by the way, was starting to make you think he was on his own personal mission to embarrass you.
"Fairly well, if we don't consider I almost cooked and burned one of my friends to a crisp. Sick duck, by the way."
"No, she's not sick, just themed." you almost burst out laughing at that. Maybe you should tell Charlie to keep him more up to date. "But maybe next time you shouldn't meddle with the heart's matters, you'll find out it's better if things just happen naturally" oh shit, how was he hot even while lecturing you? This wasn't good. He wasn't good for your sanity.
You held up the mistletoe to take one final look at it. "Yeah, lesson learned. I was just about to throw it out."
Only, Angel Dust chose that exact moment to carry out his revenge, and you should have absolutely seen it coming, it was once again your fault, and you could only blame yourself.
"Oh wow, they're right under it. You know the tradition, right?" He mocked. Husk was right behind him, two boxes in his hands, and he was holding in a laugh. They passed right by you and left you and Lucifer alone. You were really starting to question all of the choices that brought you to that moment.
Maybe if you asked him to kill you right there and then he would be kind enough to put an end to your suffering.
"Oh, fuck me" you muttered, your eyes scanning the lobby for the closest exit. Escaping without saying goodbye to Charlie wasn't an ideal solution, but you knew she wouldn't want to see your face ever again after this.
"Won't you at least let me take you out on a date first? I am more on the old fashioned side" he grinned.
You were sure you heard him wrong. It surely was one of those cases when you mix up what the person you like says in your imagination with what they actually say in real life. Was the mistletoe also hallucinogenic? You wouldn't be surprised if it was.
"I'm sorry for Angel Dust, sometimes he just doesn't know when to shut up" You immediately lowered your arm and hid the evil little thing behind your back.
"Should I take it as a no then?" he didn't stop smiling, but it looked less sincere now.
"Wait, oh-" you scrambled for an answer that wouldn't make you look even more pathetic "I would love to, but only if you mean it, this evil thing has already caused enough chaos" you finally tossed the mistletoe into the nearest trash can.
"Darling, you forget I'm the king of hell, no little plant has authority over me" he chuckles, and you smile at him.
If either of you noticed something resembling Charlie's squealing and her being dragged away by Vaggie, you didn't say anything. You didn't even think twice when you didn't see Angel Dust and Husk returning quite yet from depositing those two boxes into the storage closet; so you liked to think that at the end of the day, both you and Lucifer were right, letting things happen on their own was good, but a little push in the right direction didn't actually hurt anyone.
And when Lucifer planted both of his hands on your face to pull you into a kiss, you thought that maybe you shouldn't have thrown away the mistletoe at all.
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