charlie

they/them • 21 • queer • pagan • slovak

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

You've found me. Hi

My name is Charlie and I'm here to fight my social anxiety and general anxiety disorder.

I'm a language student (translation and interpreting), I'm pagan (animist and polytheist) and an ex-catholic (have been deconstructing for a few years now). I'm a completely reasonable not at all unhinged mcr fan. I'm also an artist, I do digital art and make diy jewellery and clothes. Recently I've been making prayer bead sets as well.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm really just here to scream into the void.

[noctude]

sorry professor i did not do this asisgnemtn becuase i was too sad! NO consequences please. goodbye

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

This is what asking for accommodations is like as a mentally ill person lmao

One time i had to come to a professor with a sorry i didnt come to class! I was scared

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

Spring is coming.

It can't be soon enough. Winter has tired me out, drained me and left me on the ground gasping for air. Winter always does this to me. Between the seasonal depression, the actual depression, the lack of sunlight and the cold, winter for me is something to be waited out. Endured and survived. I love it like I love getting my blood drawn. Not pleasant, necessary.

But it's almost over.

I know what's going to happen now - spring is coming but it's not quite here yet. The liminality of that is a strange thing but I'll take it. I'm desperate for the sun, for the flowers and the new tree growth. I went to pray in the forest on the last day of february and it felt like it was breathing and like I was also breathing. Which is a strange thing to try to describe.

Reaching Veles seems to be more difficult for me in winter. I suspect a big part of it is caused by the depression, so this felt like coming home. Sometimes, when I'm open to it, thoughts of him will drag me through places and paths in the woods that I'd never been to, he'll lead me towards new spots I wouldn't have thought of visiting on my own, he'll have me walk uphill for an hour for the most beautiful views of my village. He'll show me trees that have been half torn out of the ground and still grow. He'll lead me to bridges of tree roots and rocks over streams and if I'm very lucky, I'll hear and see the woodpecker before it startles and flies away.

It's been a rocky few months. Winter made it hard to feel like he was still around. Maybe it's not winter, maybe it's my brain, my trauma, my fear. Maybe it's all of it that forces me to trust. Trusting a god does not come easily to me. It's so worth waiting through it and overcoming it at the end. If the next time I go outside I get to feel the moss on my hands, if I get to walk down (or up) a new road with him by my side, if he keeps teaching me how to exist in this messy, fucked up, scary world, I'll keep waiting through the winters.

On the sixth, another year of worshipping Veles will have passed. I'm hoping for many more.

Hail to the Horned One 💚

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

My therapist figuring out that I'm pagan by looking at my jewellery is possibly one of the funniest things that's ever happened to me

[buddie-romance]

thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3

[jezzzebel]

I've been studying english since November and i still don't know what Schwa means in phonetics

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

This is so real our phonetics teacher explained it as "the idiot sound" 😭

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

Happy 17th of November to everyone protesting today in slovakia <3

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

Every day there's a new ai feature on another app and i have to figure out how to disable it this is so tiring

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

"the anxiety is all in your mind" actually it's not

This is an incomplete list of very real physical symptoms that I've experienced as a result of anxiety:

• headaches

• chest pains

• shortness of breath

• muscle pains and tension

• nausea

• loss of appetite (admittedly came with depression as well)

• stomach pain

• dizziness

• shakiness

• tingling and numbness in hands and feet

• heart palpitations

• insomnia

Yes, anxiety is "in my head" cause that's where my brain is, genius. But it's also everywhere else and everyone who ever tells me i "just need to relax/stop worrying" should be required to experience it for themselves because what the fuck

i may or may not have had to explain this shit one too many times to people who refuse to acknowledge it

and yes ive been to doctors im physically fine, nothings wrong with my heart or blood or whatever

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

🖤 Happy samhain! 🖤

Have the most blessed time and please practice fire safety <3

[wotcaneyesay]

happy 16 years to dan and phil 💜

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

With how i see some people online handling fire and candles I'm thinking of making a post on basic fire safety lmao

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

I'm doing fine I even sleep sometimes

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

Smell based sensory issues are so ridiculous because how do you tell your roommate that whatever they're using to make their bedsheets smell nice makes you unable to function

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

Worshipping when you live in a dorm with two other people and a construction site right behind your window 5 days of the week is not for the faint of heart I fear /hj

[jezzzebel]

I know this is obvious but people often forget this because of all the stress in their lives.

But.

It's okay to talk to your deities about your day, your problems, your issues, and what makes you happy/sad/angry.. etc.

Often times they will just encourage to talk to them until you said EVERYTHING that you intended to let out..

[graffititheywriteonyourgrave]

I feel like i annoy the hell out of car drivers when i wait until they actually stop before crossing the road but like, one, I can't tell if you're actually slowing down, and two, you have a thousand kg metal murder machine and i do not