grayer graying grayish

fig fug feg fog they/them or just call me a slur and see if it sticks idk if you know me in reallife leave :P

[grayer-yam]

old school yaoi even tho it's yes terrible rep is a pure display sexuality without shame and that was world breaking for queer people and women and others

like the access to sexual midia without the shame and deep understanding of society's oppression is why people loved yaoi in a lot of ways

[grayer-yam]

thinking of making a video essay based on the solely fact that now recognizing myself as a furry i want to make a complex video about identity and the experiences as someone that descovered they were a furry via patricia taxxons video "on the ethics of boiking animals"

and also base the triad of furryness in another light which made me recognize my inherited furryness.

prob gonna be a "how to know if you are a furry" video or "how i discovered I am a furry via understanding of the worlds symbolism and my own" idk yet

I'm kinda exited =3

my idea of the triad and basis of my theory swaps "the ever so autistic" into a broader "race/sexuality/opressed experience" i am not autistic and I have no rights to change or turn patricias terms but i feel i have a good theory trow into the furry comunity and also as a poc person i feel like I could address my comunity more clearly and I feel !!AS A NEURALTYPICAL!!! that some points of the autistic can be transfered really clearly to the race aspect of furrys.

also yeah it's gonna be heavy on the race thing and that will mean I need to deeply reanalyse mouse. if ANYONE is Jewish and you have ideas or understanding of this topic of furryness and historical oppression and race(as that ethno religion spectrum) dilema PLEASE PLEASE SHARE WITH THE CLASS message me. please. because I have no place or right to make my assumption alone

also I am asian(jap) so take that into account yall i will talk extensively with my brown and black friends and probably take what they say and put that into the video but YEAH I AM NOT BLACK OR MIXED please other races or asians from other areas make your statements :3 i NEED this already complex topic and video to become more well documented and even further talked about

[byte0ph0b1a]

I love having free will because I can draw Mizuki Akiyama painting Gabriel's nails and nobody can do anything about it 💥💥💥

[grayer-yam]

trigger warning SA and old school yaoi junjou romantica. i need to talk about it im sorry

junjou romantica did actualy change my identity and life in some way and i cant just ignore this, and the terrible parts and not supporting it can co exist in you heart with the good. ofc if you, want to cling to that at your will and not push that into others.

first of all junjou romantica really was/is (yes it is on going) a classic yaoi manga/anime that was a fire wreck with the first interactions with the main characters and romantical pair literal sa. And the way the author later explained with the coversation of the faris wheel (if im not wrong) and how she wrote misaki to say how he ""didnt fight back enough"" really really was bad taste and an terrible writting and really awful. and no i wont say "BUT"... it is, it is terrible and glamorification of abuse, specialy with their alredy questionable age gap (that is not the full problem but outlines how they have a gigantic unhealthy power dinamic), and yes i dont support the portrail and i dont stand with that idea of old gay representation, yet i cant forget junjou romantica. In all its problematic and terribleness, it was a queer history in the 2000s (manga) and 2010s (anime). it was my first mlm storie and it forever changed how romance(the actual real life thing and the genre) and relationship the idea of all that was re contructed and radicalized me. and yeah im not really that good at explaining so this might be shit writting arguments and yap (im sorry but I NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MY CHEST) junjou romantica has Akihiko Usami is a really intresting character, not such a "complex deep" character but an idea of queerness that deeply opened the world for many, Usagi is directly gay, he never doughts his queerness and desires, his actions are perverted and proud. his identity simply is. and there is something that i believe changed peoples mind to queerness by how just kind of beautiful the non apologetic lust and pervergion Usagi portrayed is. yaoi is a midia created and consumed historically by feminine people and if your really reading all that you alredy know how and why that is, but still, to sum up. yaoi is the pure escape fantasy of romance and expecialy sexuality for women, for its lack of women actually being in a relationship and only using the hetero sex atracted, aka just like male dominated the visual porn and porn in general space is yaoi is kinda of similar, only diference that it outlines the opressive patriarchy with direct hints of how women are maginalized. anyway we got that away yaoi is a fantasie with people that cannot struggle the way women do and thus it is a safe space for feminine, yough afabs and women to express and consume sexual and romantical midia.

ALL THIS IS IMPORTANT BUT.BUT IT IS ALSO QUEER I SWEAR, yes it is terrible queer representation AND NOT "BUT" AND it is a free "fantasie" world built in queer relationships and their struggles and issues WITH the embrace and pride of their existence. usami is a perv with family issues misaki is a new descovered gay guy that was orphaned. FUCK i know critic junjou romantica i wont stop anyone but BUT BUT sexual topic where never this acesseble to queer and women that felt like freedom. and i know most probably saw yaoi in ages they shouldnt AND YEAH dont want that to happen BUT IT DID. USAGI HAD EVERYTHING I WANTED OK? POWERFULL ROMANCE TROPY THAT KEEPT BEING IN A LOOP OF NEW PERSON TO GET JEALOUS AND CAUSE CONFLICT BUT THEY ALWAYS JUST CLINGED MORE TO EACH OTHER BOTH MEN THAT LOVED EACH OTHER DEEPLY. JUNJOU ROMANTICA IS JUNJOU IT IS <PURE> ROMANCE AND IM TIRED OF SAYING IT ISNT JUNJOU ROMANTICA SHOWED ME SEXUALITY AND DESIRES AND IT DID NOT SHAME THEM FUCKKKKKK (ok im really ranting at this point im sorry yall) but really i will never forgive this midia and storie for being so shit at gay rep specialy in that period and also i think i will never forget junjou romantica queer pride

i think i want to make a ""MASTER VIDEO ESSAY IN DEFENSE OF YAOI a fudan/fujo essay (yes it has mistakes AND also-)"" (yeah i know there are others BUT I NEED I NEED PEOPLE TO REALLY TALK ABOUT JUNJOU ROMANTICA IN BIG 2026)

[calware]

spiritual successor to my email post

[calware]

ok this too

[calware]

of course, sorry about that. here is a censored version!

[grayer-yam]

fuck what is therians. i thought i was just another furry. whaaaaaat am i what now?

help

with all respect for furries, non furries, therians, non therians what is what how uh ??????????????

[grayer-yam]

being a furry is to me the experience of expressing the complexities and cruelty’s of having a body that is not a part of the normality’s. with the furry concept instead of using the so over used conforming body with its "humanesque silhouette" with typical boundaries of acceptance in shape, hue, texture, formation, meaning and etc. and using the so effervescent, ever so lesser and yet superior of humans, its transcendent nature that is more than the society’s symbolism and meaning but also so deeply connected with the cultural identities and folklores. and the simple usage of nonconforming expression of body that the animalistic brings is enough to for me express more deeply the subconscious analysis and understanding of me and others and makes this relationship livable and honest, i dont wear the flesh of society and rules i have whiskers that feel the breeze so deeply my heart blooms for experiencing free and fresh air. and also if its not evident i am queer, poc and woc (in the afab way) and the simple devotion to my body in a way of activism, paired with the disgusting feeling i get when i interact with it or try talking to it some days really to me aches with being a animal. ever so lesser, ever so filled with symbolism you cant express but you feel, ever so more than human history as a whole, ever so more magnificant sofisticated than thouse who created such hard to spell words. im told im not human like you thus, i have a mouth and i must bark not worth your languages in my tongue so i speak with expressions more complex than you would know ill sing with lyrics and tunes your ears cant understand and hold

[grayer-yam]

[grayer-yam]

consequences of growing up as a asian girl

[grayer-yam]

some sketches of me because the weather was fun today

[grayer-yam]

just wanted to have a silly "fun" place for me and now i post furry stuff like what is life even about at this point. like i knew i felt connected with animals in a degrading way because of my internalized and contious self opression and suffocating extensive barrier between the normal human and a lower me because of my hyperawareness of my minority identity, but man why are my first posts here so furry lol

[grayer-yam]

so ok ok i re watched "on the ethics of boinking animal people" and yeah furr is rad and drawing it also imagining having it is so raw and real, so i trained a bit in drawing more and putting my style in furry beings and i like how it turned out btw this thing i drew on mspaint would be me if i had a furrsona dont think im a furry but idk it could be the denial speaking also here the "studies" i made in order

btw why are whiskers now a necessity in my life

man all this started because i rewatched patricia taxxons video essays and also wanted to start learning how to do a fun different style of art

and am i doing it? like is this furry or something else??

[grayer-yam]

taxxonomy fanart @patricia-taxxon

never really drawn furrys but i really really needed to show appreciation because i have honestly watched the marble video at least 7 times sooo here ya go

tried a lot of "styles" and ways i visualize the design and i kinda like them so take my beginner taxxonnomy notes (i promise they are made with care)

and also i just recently i started tumblr and im loving the post (yeah I know im a noob at this tumblr posting and furry art making ok im aware)