Can I request more "yes, tis I, the Very Real Jango Fett, and this JEDI PADAWAN that, again, I JANGO FETT, have stolen" time travel Alpha-17 adventures?
Maybe a glimpse into the "no, see, I'm actually very Calm and Reasonable about this, my one man rampage across the galaxy, in pursuit of thE MANDALORIAN WHORE THAT TOOK MY PADA-" Crashout of one Jedi Master Qui-gon Jinn?
(Honestly... he needed this. He's actually been working through his past traumas at a VERY productive and swift pace! Doing some intense battle meditation and a bit of soul searching on the side! Crawling through vents like a horror movie monster!!
There really is nothing like "Mandalorians have stolen my Baby Child" to force to to DEAL with your own shit speedrun style. Once he has recovered his Padawan, spaced that motherfuck turned the man over to the rightful authorities, and gotten them home? He's thinking he should take Obi-Wan out for some burgers! ^-^ )
“Jango fett, undercover jedi?” Breaks the news and Jango starts going grey
Alpha-17 can’t or thinks he can’t legally adopt Obi-wan because it would publicly be assumed Jango fett adopted him and Alpha-17 would rather space them all then let anyone think that
Jinn and Alpha fighting like children “I don’t want it” “then I’m having it!” “NO I WANT IT NOW” “TOO FUCKING LATE LOSER” “YOOODAAAAAAA”
He may not want to teach this child (lol, you say that NOW) but there's a LINE between "no, not for me, thank you" and "Let's Hand Over The Baby to MANDALORIANS(Known Blaster Wielding Criminals made of CRIME, who also HATE US!)"
Like? Wait. Wait, no! That's NOT WHAT HE SAID! Give that innocent CHILD BACK, YOU MADMAN! ( /O.O)/
N like? Lol, no the Jedi PR department day drinking taking EXTRA meditation breaks while they resist the desire to put a hit on this FUCKER who kidnaps Adorable Young Initiates and seems hell bent on spreading misinformation about jedi traditions.
Do... do you have ANY idea? How many OTHER Mandalorians have taken this fucker at his word? And thought they could just ROCK UP to CHALLENGE various Knights and Masters for their Padawans?
"Hello, I'm here to challenge you for custody of The Child" *points at a confused Padawan/Initiate out with their Master/Creche*
The guards are going FERAL! Heck, the CRECHE MASTERS are going feral! Qui-gon Jinn has caused no less then 15 interplanetary Incidents™ chasing the man and isn't returning anyone's calls!
Jango Fett is Enemy Number One Greatly Disliked, in these halls.
Cause you know what Tor Vizsla fuckin deserves? What he REALLY fuckin deserves?
His ancestors to look back at him from their march, as he's starting to get Stupid Ideas, turn to each other with the long suffering of Buir everywhere and go: "No. We will NOT be doing that, you lil shit. You do NOT speak for this clan."
Enter! Bby Oc! Slightly BACK further up the temporal stream! Because Time and Space mean NOTHIN to the dead!
She am Adorable Mando Baby™. Coo and other such noises! *is gifted a knife* #justmandothings
Living the dream, ngl. She always WANTED to be Mandalorian. This is AWESOME! *sees clan sigil* .....less awesome. Oh no, in fact. FUCK, maybe! *prays viciously her neither of her buir are fuckin Tor*
Thankfully? He is not. Unfortunately? She... is hella force sensitive. And THESE fuckers has Lost Their Way. They're kinda all bastards. Aaaaw D:> noooo. She wanted a Buir. Not Dar'Buir.
Ffs, they take her, a NEW BORN, on hunts! HUNTS!!! Are you SERIOUS!? By the time she's old enough to reliably crawl (and has figured out how to pilot a ship by observation) she knows what has to happen. Sucks, man. But hey! At least she can fuck over Tor!
And she DOES.
The Parents decide to visit family! Probably to discuss Tor's dumbass idea! Big ol family compound and? What's THIS? No one watching the baby? How incredibly unsurprising! Too busy with plotting to tear all of the Mando'ade apart, no doubt. Turn vod against vod, verde against verde.
But! What's THIS~? A locked Family Vault? Built by Tarre Vizsla himself? Well THAT surely has no Force Exclusive side doors! *door slide opens* >:3 oops~☆ *crawls inside*
She am here for the Dark Saber. And probably some credits. Plus anything ELSE that looks like it belongs to the jedi.
In short? She robbin the place.
Turn abouts FAIR PLAY, fuckers!
(Yes she needs to recruit some droids. She's a toddler. But STILL! Was her plan! Let her HAVE THIS!!!)
So she (and assorted Liberated Droid Commerades) caaaasually load a ship. With what? Nun'ya. Mind your business. No habla Meat Bag. *continues loading, including one suspiciously child sized crate* *strips it of all trackers and dumps them outside* *closes ship*
Let's ride~☆ 😎
No one notices, just another ship coming or going. Last minute job maybe. That is... until someone is LOSING THEIR SHIT. Because that was THEIR ship! And wait! The VAULTS!! (And eventually:...wait a second... where's our ade?)
Now! Where's a highly force sensitive Mandalorian child to go? With all this RE-stolen Jedi shit? Jetii'yaim. Obviously. It's time to make their Honored Ancestor Proud™!
Which like? Imagine. IMAGINE. That poor landing pad worker.
You get a stranger Incoming. A child drop off, the droid insists. With holocrons? Not the strangest. So you send for madam Nu and her team. (Could be dangerous, you never know after all. Most dont know the difference between a jedi and sith holocron.) When? Huh. Odd ship. What make is that? *checks*
Oooooh that's a Mando ship. Kark. Well! This otta be fun!
Ramp lowers.
Out toddles a lil Mando Child with what is CLEARLY a Master's Lightsaber clutched in their lil baby hands. A BAG of OTHER lightsabers hung from their lil baby back. And a VAULTS worth of mixed Jedi, Sith, and miscellaneous force denomination artifacts in their ship.
No Adult in Sight.
It's JUST the toddler. Just them. ONLY them. And they've toddled on their itty bitty lil legs right up to madam Nu and the gathered Masters to somberly request to join the Order. Informed said masters they would be keeping their ancestors Lightsaber. And then renounced the adults of their clan.
Which is a thing they can do.
Because they are Mandalorian.
Like?? Obviously they can't turn away a child. She wishes to be a jedi. But like? There will have to be discussions. And... *deeply conflicted* as for the matter of Master Vizsla's lightsaber...
She never said she'd be USING it. Just KEEPING it. Obviously she has to negotiate with the kyber itself. See if IT is cool with that. If it IS? Then, back up saber. And ONLY when she is properly trained.
*instant Adult Relief* oh thank the Force. That's very reasonable. However, you will- *basic safety requirements etc etc* (Because it IS a lazer sword and you are a toddler)
And like? Imagine the fuckin CHAOS. Tor ain't got his "birth right" sword because some INFANT stole it. Why? Because the MANDA told her too, according to said infant. She has sworn to follow her ancestors path. Unlike Tor. Whom she denounces.
She, a literal child, throws in with JASTER MEREEL. On behalf of CLAN VIZSLA. Because she's fuckin RENOUNCED the adults as Dar'manda and says they DONT COUNT. There are TWO clan VIZSLAs.
And? Imagine BEING THE GORAN? On Coruscant? One day you turn around and... why the FUCK is there a Jetii standing awkwardly in your forge? Is that a Jetii in armor(a guard)? Why do they have an ade??
The Ade needs armor. They have brought her here to "keep her connected with her birth culture" as is the jettii way? The ade cheerfully tells you she's gonna be the next Tarre Vizsla.
D...Does she mean the Mand'alor thing or the Jetii/Mando'ade thing?
Im not exactly sure when in the timeline our little mando oc (who needs a name! Name your children minji!) Is, but if its early enough to where she could become a knight before the mandalore mission qui-gon and obi wan get sent on, where she can then be sent either in their stead or alongside them. Im just imagining the reactions the new mandolorians would have to watching the jedi ship touch down and the ramp to lower... only to see what is clearly a fully armored mandolorian that has a lightsaber and THE DARKSABER strapped to their belt. The sound of a dozen plus new mandolorian diplomats mentally crashing would probably be music to MCs ears.
Earthlings are both Force Sensitive and sing, but unlike the rest of the galaxy? That force sensitivity adds DEPTH to their singing. Conveys EMOTION unlike "normal" music, which exists purely to just... sound pretty.
Because "Art=Convey Meaning or Emotion" is apparently??? A purely Force Sensitive thing! And yeah, people LIKE it? But it's not something they can really DO without some degree of force sensitivity? Or even THINK to do? Humans are just one of those "mostly force sensitive to some degree" races.
So it is "normal" to us.
Which? Has got me THINKIN? Siren Au 👀? Siren au~☆ What if??? Si-Oc! Everything from Life 1 is pretty much stamped and stored! Couldn't forget it if she tried! Cause it isn't stored in the MEAT any more. Oh no! No that shit has been effectively "uploaded" to "the cloud" as it were!
You die, you pass into the Force, the Force goes "hey, thanks for The Sum Total of ALL you were as a person! I will lovingly and carefully keep that safe for you! Because you are a part of US and WE are the great and endless primordial energy soup!" And? Dispite being somehow spit back out?
Everything still got put into the system! Your Death+ Account is Now Active!
(What do you mean "alive"? How the fresh FUCK are you stuck back in a physical meat suit? We're energy now! Shit, dude. Uuuuuuh... hold on. Let me get some of the guys. We'll ask around? Maybe someone knows something?)
Cause like? Being One with the Force is awesome. Nothing hurts and the wonders stretch on forever. You can learn anything, see anything, BE anywhere! Watch that one perfect sunset for centuries or ten thousand sunsets all at once. You're okay. Forever. WE'RE okay. Forever.
Except this kid. Who is somehow alive? Again? 😱😬🤔😬😔 Big Yikes™
Don't worry, man. We'll.... uuh, shit. We'll figure something out! If nothing else, though? You SHOULD be able to wait it out? Since, you know, you'll end up back with us eventually? (But MAN that sucks. Our condolences.)
Which like???
DEEPLY haunted baby. SO haunted. Fuckin POSSESSED. Her parents? Can NOT deal with this Actual Straight From A Horror Movie Child (cowards). The jedi are unimpressed. But of COURSE they will take the Haunted Baby. Better the child be with them then with people who will not love or support her.
Even if her relationship with the Force is... odd.
(Because Ghosts Don't Exsist. So this is obviously ______, instead.)
And like? What's a kid to do? She ain't got no physical agency! She am Baby. A toddler. Her limbs barely listen to her; when they DO listen, she can barely crawl anywhere, AND? She's often picked up and moved around! At the scheduling of Creche Masters! It's FRUSTRATING.
Well... since she can't get her grubby lil hands on any data pads (yet), reading isn't much of an option. But! She can move her mouth just fine! And? Frankly? It bothers her. That there aren't many, if ANY, lullabies being sung in the Creche. Oh, sure, there are stories a plenty! But songs? Where are the "bed-dy bye" songs?? Kids need those! It's part of a healthy development or something! *clenchs smol Baby fist in determination*
Luckily? Since (no one ELSE seems to be willing to step up) (because that's not culturally a THING here. Not that she knows that.) She remembers a lifetimes worth of music! Including a LOT more kids songs then she thought she did.
Which is how lil OC becomes known for her "noise" (what the fuck is an "english"?) And her music. They kinda low-key assume it's a variant of visions or some sort of Force interaction. Possibly a natural healing technique she has some aptitude for? It certainly DOES help with emotional wounds and difficulty sleeping... *various adults quietly taking notes*
But like? Then she starts translating in her head.
Learning how to fit the words to the music. Figuring out how to... for lack of a better term? Make the "air" "wiggle right", which produces SOUND beyond what her voice alone can create. It's like carrying a portable symphony! Yay! *notes become more frantic in the background. Oh Dear. The child might be prodigious, she's playing with Force Techniques!*
Or like? She catches sight of Palpatine in the news just after a segment on some planets disaster and just? Has a lil Sad. Only too Spook The FUCK out every passing adult. Because somethings don't translate, so Ol' Satan becomes Darth Satan. Which? Bit clunky, not her best work, but fuck it. She's havin A Sad.
It's just?? Heeeeeey there kiddo. We know we said ghosts aren't real... but, uuuhhh... Who's Chatting? And you Should NOT Talk To Strangers, ooookay? *very worried*
Then? Oh THEN!? She fuckin BREAKS OUT THE MANDALORIAN WAR CHANTS‽ is that-!!? *frantically checks the archive* Fuckin "Vode An"!? WHO THE FUCK ARE THOSE ADULT VOICES!? High council EXPLAIN!!!
Which?? Leads to wittle Baby Oc getting a? VERY Special~☆ Talk~✨️🎉 😀 about the IMPORTANCE of NOT talking to Dead Mandalorians, mmmm'kay sweety?
It... does NOT help her case that she reflexively corrects them. Mando'ade, not Mandalorians. Don't be RUDE. (......Okay! Time to research the FICK out of how to keep dead Mandalori- *baby scowls at them* Mando'ade from HAUNTING our kids! Because the Galaxy isn't complicated ENOUGH and this might as well just happen!)
Obviously, they can't find shit.
And SHE, hasn't figured out yet that NO ONE ELSE DOES THIS SHIT. So she's just like: :this is BECAUSE IT'S MANDO'ADE, ISNT IT??OH you BIGOTS! Hypocrites! Just because they were our historical enemies DOESNT MEAN THEY DONT HAVE A BEAUTIFUL AND DIVERSE CUL-"
Like? Bby. Baby, no. We are WELL past that. This is about about you Talking To Heavily Armed(?) And Suspicious DEAD PEOPLE who might, HISTORICALLY, wish terrible TERRIBLE harm upon you, a JEDI CHILD. Honestly? If you start singing in Sith? We are going to LOSE OUR SHIT. We are THIS👌fuckin close, sweetie.
The councilors? Arguing. The Elders? Worried and Arguing. The CRECHE MASTERS? Crying, screaming, throwing up AND ARGUING. It's?? A young(er) Qui-gon who's like *slides up to his Master* *softly* "if you watch Xanatos, I think I got an idea" "deal. Here, take cab money and bring us back some tea. Try not to stay arrested." *dooku hands over the child who has been aggressively singing songs of hope and love at him*
(He suspects the child may like him, strangely enough.) (She DOES. No sith! Sith=Bad. Repeat after me "I will NOT throw my life away for Palpatine's wrinkly ass, his dumb fuck plan is NOT worth it. Because the Sith and their beliefs are NEVER WORTH IT."!!!)
So... they take the rail system...
Which is COOL!
..........for the first 15 minutes. Unfortunately, Coruscant is a PLANET. And planets are large. So even the long distance line TAKES a bit. And now she's boooooored. Does your phone Datapad got any games, Knight Qui-gon? No. What about movies? No? 눈_눈 you... you do realize I'm a toddler right? You've put me on a long hauler with no entertainment. What the fuck are you expecting here, buddy? Patience?
So, looking around for entertainment and finding none? Time for the ol fall back! She sees a Nautolan. She stars singing some songs, sounding UNBELIEVABLY fucking haunted, once again. Spots a factory as they pass, maybe switchs it up! New song! Nothing, of course, that would cause Problems™.
Which, like? Obviously more then a few people were not so discreetly recording the Fuckin Haunted Jedi Baby™. Holy SHIT. Is THAT why they're all kept in that temple of yours? Cause they can't control their weird jedi powers yet? Do fucked up Jedi shit? But also... Cool!
The Jedi Baby's channeling dead people! That's HORRIFYING :D! What else can she do? *uploads the videos to the holonet*
Qui-gon is like ( -_-) *accepts death* "oooooh, the council is gonna come for my SPLEEN. But honestly? Might as well see this through. We're already in it, aren't we youngling? Might as well finish what we started, hmm?" *can physically FEEL when the council sees the videos and their blood pressures all start to spike at the same time, from half way accross the planet* *his comm starts blowing up*
Mmmmmaybe if he Doesn't Pick Up? He can pretend it's not happening until AFTER he's (hopefully) fixed thing? And really, they left him unsupervised. It was the will of the Force.
......Master Dooku said I could. (Oh, don't throw ME under the-!)
So THEN? Keldab'ika. In all it's wonder. Mando'ade EVERYWHERE. The baby is all◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜Mandos!!! Yaaaaay! Which is both objectively cute AND the only reason Qui-gon isn't shot at on sight. Still... low, using an Ade as a meat shield.
But like? No. No you misunderstand, Mr Highly Confrontational Mandalorian (Mando'ade! Say it RIGHT!) (DEEPLY adorable. They love the kid already. Kid should stay, the Jettii should leave.) See, we think? She's being haunted by dead manda- *aHEM!* *sigh* Mando'ade.
And like? The "Helpful" toddler is actively correcting him even as he says "dead"? It's not "DEAD" it's "marched on" or "marched far awa-" wait, wut? Like?? Kid. Child. You are VERY MUCH not helping your case here. Who's been teaching you all this Cultural Mando'ade Knowledge?
*toddler cold sweat* uuuuuuuuuuuh..... no habla English?
(Again. What the fuck is an English? Was that a language? That sounded like a language. Are you talking to MULTIPLE dead people?!)
So, since she's obviously gonna lie her little ass off. Because she's CLEARLY doing something she's not supposed to and KNOWS it. Time to take this to the Goran. Which? Qui-gon is like? Oh, thank force. Yes. Please! We've been VERY worried. We don't THINK they're hurting her... but... *meaningful Worried Eye Contact w/ Heavy Historical Subtext*
Ah. Yeah. Yeah they could see why that would be a big concern. There have been some real bastards that've both marched on and would be the sort to harras baby Jetti. So off to the Goran they go. Buuuut, of course, nothing is instant. You still got to WALK there. And THAT gives time for Cursed Babies to do as Cursed Babies do.
Just LOOK at all those prosthetics. All those young eager verde. Ready to throw their lives away, fighting their parents wars. The tensions between Mereel and Vizsla in full swing. So quick to sign up for and sign onto something they don't fully understand.
*every Mandalorian in hearing distance takes psychic damage*
Dude! Control your Haunted Toddler! You're giving people EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!! D:< (Qui-gon is TRYING! He's bad with small kids! T^T)
Just?
*bludgeon everyone with Emotional Damage/Healing*, *accidentally causes a Revolution*, *inspires a MASSIVE "oh thank god. We got a NORMAL person" reaction when literally any jedi but her is sent anywhere.*
Like? What!? She's beginning to suspect ya'll don't like her singing or something!! D:< rude.
Also, the other younglings are still malleable enough to learn this new technique. They have not been stilted by the rules of the force that the adults insist are real, so they put their best feet forward to attempt the vocal technique.
It has varying success, but imagine the horror when the jedi in charge of that particular creche group comes back from a day off to find that they're all chanting the same song. SI-OC is sitting facing them and conducting them like an orchestra, glad that their friends are finally taking interest in learning the songs of their homeland.
The best part? None of the Jedi (ESPECIALLY and SPECIFICALLY Creche Masters) are assholes enough to make a youngling feel self conscious about being "weird". We ALL have unique relations with the Force. ALL Crechelings go through some variation of "cursed horror baby".
Oc is just... especially Cursed and somehow playing up to the Tropes, we guess. How fun. *is surrounded by infants singing about sharks/worms/spiders. Various other children's songs.*
Cause a lot of kids songs are Silly or Gross. That's why they're fun! But like? YOU try to figure out the "message" in that randomness. The potential theme. Is this some malicious Sith Ghost, trying to suborn our Crechelings?
Or are they just sorta... accidentally tapped into The Galaxy Itself Radio™?
*shrugs*
But! PLEASE lil Oc! Stop deliberately spreading your... "hobby"(?)! We are going to call it that! Because we don't want to make you feel self conscious and impede your personal growth! But at the SAME TIME, we are also growing concerned you are TALKING TO THE DEAD and we would very much like you to NOT spread that dangerous possible cognito-hazard to OTHER TODDLERS!!!
Critically? Oc can't read the Calm Jedi "this is fine" Mask of Distress for SHIT yet. She's takin them at their word. Cause like... SURELY they would have SAID something, right? If she, an infant, was doing something that upset them? SURELY.
And? It occurs to me??
Mixed IN to all this?
She IS legitimately fucking Talkin To The Dead.
Cause SHE was dead. And you can't UNLEARN that shit. It's the Curse Of Knowledge. Once you KNOW, you legitimately can not remember your state of ignorance any longer. The past is now colored retroactively with this Knowledge. And SHE? Died. Became One With The Force.
Somehow got spat out. No one is certain HOW? There is much debate. Might have been a Sith thing, could have been Force Construct/Manifestation sneezing, who can say. But like? She DOES legitimately see dead people.
It's just not relevant to the whole singing thing. THAT is all her.
Which?? If the test her for "hey kid, can you see dead people? How many ghosts are in the room with us right now?" They ARE gonna get a test positive. It's just... not the root cause of the Thing Your Worried About.
She has Two(2) horror movie powers. Talented Baby!
Makes for good stories though? Probably GREAT for Massive Crowd on One learning. All these dead Jedi Masters! Bored or stopping by, ready and able to explain basic force shit to her. Esoteric force shit to her! (Technically HERETICAL force shit to her.)
(Look, they RECOGNIZE the high council made a decision... but that was both after their time and fucking stupid. They're choosing to ignore it.) (She's TWO!) (Oh, please. We both know she's only PHYSICALLY two. What does mere crude meat mean, in the face of her SOUL? She's [REDACTED] for Force sake!)
But, like? IMAGINE?
The horror movie kid? Has OLD SCHOOL Jedi whispering to her. Fuckin JEDI LORDS and shit. Kel Dor Sages and long dead Goran. Spiritual leaders from Force Sects you've never even HEARD OFF! From BEYOND the known and unknown galaxy! Because the Force is EVERYWHERE.
And like... some of them are just "you know.... many problems can be solved by Stabbing" *wise advisor nods from the group of dead people* like? D:> Child! NO!!!
"Have we considered Revolution?" And "the only good corrupt politician is a dead one" and "you know... in MY day, we hunted the hutts for sport. They deserved it. Sad to see they haven't changed. You should burn their empire down." Etc. Like?
Dude. She is trying to eat her oatmeal. Can barely dress herself on her own yet. Give it TIME. (No! We have LAWS! Modern ETHICAL STANDARDS! Oh force! PLEASE tell me someone has found a way to WARD OF DEAD PEOPLE! They are trying to CORRUPT THE YOUTH!!!)
I wonder what, if anything, convinces Yoda that a) she's seeing and hearing the actual dead, and b) that it's not a bad thing and just A Thing. Because as far as I know, Yoda is the primary focus behind "there are no force ghosts, there are no ghosts, when we die we become one with the force" and the rest of the council are like "makes sense my guy" and not wanting to think too hard on what if, not true.
In comes SI-OC, one (1) whole baby, informing Yoda that Ye Olde Master Who Passed 300-ish Years Before Her Time would like to inform him that Yoda lost their bet and thus owes a dead guy 5 credits. Dead ghosts whispering Force Secrets could be overlooked as the force taking more of an interest in an initiate or a crecheling than most. But this? THIS??? Yoda hasn't even thought about that bet for since that one guy died! HOW does this crecheling know this??? Visions of the past, perhaps??? And while Yoda ponders this, SI-OC is pleased to infrom the council that the bet was over something silly, like "no eating the frogs in the room of 1000 fountains until X arbitrary condition" or something
It's probably the fact that she 1000% agrees with him. There ARE no ghosts. We are One with the Force. Together. Collectively. The Force us all of us. "Ghosts" are usually fucked up Sith shit or a highly specific meditation you do, to ignore that you're dead for a while.
Not ghosts. That is just silly. Not, of course, that we would say such things to those who BELIEVE such things for cultural reasons. Because that would be unspeakably rude and disrespectful.
But like, your Master wants me to remind you that *quotes somes only Yoda's master would say, in their specific speak pattern* and ALSO to be kinder to your knees. You are not as young as you once were, and as Fun as flips are, they want you to take care of yourself.
Like? "Ah, yes. Deeply Cursed Lil Horror Movie Baby, I too, was." Cause you KNOW he was a menace. Bet he bit people. The Force was his homie and it told him to Burn The Palace Down. He's honestly? Gotten very chill in his old age. (A horrifying thought. We know.)
You know, the next step up from her singing arround the jedi is (once shes older, and realises that singing just... isnt a thing here.) Is to basically become an online idol, which would probably make most of the galactic population go bananas, especially since we know that the force can be used though holocoms. (Because the force is everything, and everyone, why wouldnt it be able to be used and felt through the galactic holonet?)
Ive been wondering, most of the time in reincarnation SIs or other methods of somone ending up in a new body in star wars, the jedi and other force users never directly sense that the SI has lived an entire other life, only finding out either by being told directly or overhearing it being told to sombody else, but force users can sense eachothers presences, as seen in return of the jedi with luke and vader, and they can also sense thoughts (also shown by luke and vader). So... what would they sense when looking at someone who has lived multiple lives? Someone who had not even a drop of the force in them (in a universe where the force didn't exist at all) that now has enough midichlorians in them to become a jedi? And, depending on how the reincarnation happened, someone who might have took a direct blast of pure unaltered cosmic lego bricks of Force to the face? How would that change how the jedi or other force users interact with them? Or the force users beliefs?
Ooooh now we're cookin with fire! Askin the SPICY questions! The FUN ones!!! ☆~◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜~☆
Cause you know WHAT? :Dc
I bet they feel hella fucked up! Like... "how are you even ALIVE‽" fucked up!
As though someone were, say, channeling the Force through a CORPSE~! To keep it functional. Nominally "alive" by most definitions, loooong after it should have simply... stopped.
Some sort of Sith Alchemy victim, perhaps? The result of a freak Nexus accident? Some OTHER divergence in the Force? Unnatural, whatever it is. Not necessarily Dark? Just... wrong. Spooky. Deep and setting up a homestead, somewhere in the uncanny valley.
Cause like... w-why is that Corpse pretending to be a person? What is puppeting that CLEARLY dead piece of flesh? Except... also... no?? No. That is a very much ALIVE person. Dead and alive. Dead BUT alive? Or is it Alive but Dead? Is... is there something INSIDE the Dead person, that is alive? Is that what we're sensing?
Who are we talking too!? A person? A host? Some sort of colony?!
The stress is real.
Cause like? Force Nulls exsist. They are invisible, in the Force. Like "talking to a hologram", the mere IMAGE of a person. Yet THIS person? Is somehow this... in reverse? But NOT.
As though a Force Null was a Mirror, smashed upon the ground, then mended back together with shining golden lines of the Force. Blank spaces, outlined and cradled, by the Cosmos itself. A circulatory system made of light, running through a person shaped void.
It's almost EXACTLY like a Force sensitive cyborg! Except somehow their entire body is organic.
What is wrong with them? What is WRONG with Them!?
And that's the question, isn't it? Because Anikin Skywalker, was born as a result of the Sith fucking with the collective Midi-chlorians of the universe so much they fought back. An immune response, of sorts. And if they can do it ONCE? Why not again? But improperly? Learning curves exsist, after all.
Why NOT try an manifest a whole ass person? Only to realize... oops. That's a bit... much. Too complexe an organism.. lots of moving parts... shit, I think it's broken. Wait! No! We can fix this. We are infinite with endless resources and power. The organisms didn't ASK to be created. We'll fix it, then try again. Simpler next time. Baby, maybe?
Natural and unnatural. Held together with Cosmic string, like a doll made of rags. Is their life not JUST as precious? As anyone else's? Yes, they were a mistake. They are unusual. Perhaps even unique. But does that mean they have no right to live? To learn? To make the Galaxy a better place?
The Force still loves them. Awkward and poorly made as they are. Clumsy, novice, mistakes and all. It wants them to go forth and experience the wonder of what it's made. Wonders just like them. To learn and grow, to laugh, and make mistakes of their own. Wants them to grow, beyond anything it could have designed for them.
And at the end? Come home.
Ultimately? Who are YOU to argue with the Force?
So the kid(???) is DEEPLY unnatural(???) and spooky. The Force BE like that sometimes. Occasionally, Master Fae forgets to breathe! Master Sifo-Dyas has seen the fall of empires that aren't even BORN yet. Master Windu can see the CRACKS made in both fate and the universe itself, as people choose each individual action, all across the know AND UNKNOWN universe!
What is One(1) Not-A-Zombie-But-Kinda child, in comparison? Stars, though... she's gonna have like... ALL the medical issues. They can just TELL. Madame Che is gonna lose her SHIT.
Anyone do a Midi-chlorians test yet? (Yep.) What's the result? (Broke the machine) ....of course it did. Why am I even surprised? Of-....no, you know what? Just... lie. Put something believable. We'll figure it out at the temple. C'mon you adorable little divergence in the natural order, no biting, and let's go home, m'kay?
You think Palpatine would be interested in them? (Trick question, of course the bastard would, their a presumedly powerful child force user, he seems to really like those in a somehow creepy yet not that kind of creepy way) just, the naboo senator (assuming they show up before phantom meance) being extremely interested in this one youngling that to any other non force sensitive just seems like your average initiate/padawan. While all the jedi are extremely suspicious of Palpatine for pretty much every reason except sith related shenanigans. Also theres things that can produce a force nullifying effect arround themselves right? ...what would happen to OC if they entered one of those nullifying fields? Would they just drop like a puppet with cut strings? Would they die again? The jedi dont know and are terrified to find out.
Well we FOR SURE know Palpatine's master, Mr "Sith But Make Him A Mad Scientist Too" would be hella interested. Which is unfortunate, since he basicly has ALL the money.
And?? God yes. The "jedi DO NOT PANIC but boy howdy we SURE ARE CONCERNED" is very, very real. Somebody? Is NOT allowed near certain artifacts! Or areas! Or, for that matter, out on missions where CAPTURE could conceivably happen!
Cause like?
*everyone frantically comparing medical notes* m-maybe? They DONT KNOW. And are NOT willing to chance it, with a child's life on the line. She prob has to wear only of those little medical bracelets.
And I hear ya! Why not just get life support implants! The queen of alderaan has um! See... hears the THING... They're not sure her SOUL will stick around? It could just? Immediately peace out. Nyoop! Gone. So there's kinda no point? In keeping meat alive? AGAIN! They're not SURE. And putting her through surgery on an off chance they literally are NOT willing to ever test? Puts a LOT of strain on her already strained body!
But like? I bet it IS strangely beautiful? Cause the Force itself made her. She's a fucked up Frankenstein doll of a human, genetically. Got ALL the medical issues. Skrungly af with weird vibes. But?? She IS the Force.
It didn't think "hey, let's seperate a part of me into a unique lifeform" it went "oh shit! I broke my project! Wait, fuck, no! I can fix this! Let's just...." *glues everything back together with Glue Made Of Infinite Light*
Her control would be shiiiiiit. Both because she's a dust most trying to wield a sledge hammer AND because she got rice paper bones (see again, sledgehammer). But like? Just vibin? It be like a circulatory filled with the aurora borealis, but the size of a giant. She's HUGE. But smaller then you. She FILLS the temple. But no she does not. How could you MISS THIS?! Well, nothing was there.
It's trippy.
Great for meditating though! People get a lot down!
You know, anakin would probably be able to properly meditate or at least get along with her, yaknow, from one Child of the Force to another, and thinking about it, with her running arround with comical amounts of power and practically no control of it, the jedi would be way more understanding and capable of handling someone of anakins power level. And also incredibly suspicious of old people meeting with young, powerful force users.
Ive been wondering, most of the time in reincarnation SIs or other methods of somone ending up in a new body in star wars, the jedi and other force users never directly sense that the SI has lived an entire other life, only finding out either by being told directly or overhearing it being told to sombody else, but force users can sense eachothers presences, as seen in return of the jedi with luke and vader, and they can also sense thoughts (also shown by luke and vader). So... what would they sense when looking at someone who has lived multiple lives? Someone who had not even a drop of the force in them (in a universe where the force didn't exist at all) that now has enough midichlorians in them to become a jedi? And, depending on how the reincarnation happened, someone who might have took a direct blast of pure unaltered cosmic lego bricks of Force to the face? How would that change how the jedi or other force users interact with them? Or the force users beliefs?
Ooooh now we're cookin with fire! Askin the SPICY questions! The FUN ones!!! ☆~◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜~☆
Cause you know WHAT? :Dc
I bet they feel hella fucked up! Like... "how are you even ALIVE‽" fucked up!
As though someone were, say, channeling the Force through a CORPSE~! To keep it functional. Nominally "alive" by most definitions, loooong after it should have simply... stopped.
Some sort of Sith Alchemy victim, perhaps? The result of a freak Nexus accident? Some OTHER divergence in the Force? Unnatural, whatever it is. Not necessarily Dark? Just... wrong. Spooky. Deep and setting up a homestead, somewhere in the uncanny valley.
Cause like... w-why is that Corpse pretending to be a person? What is puppeting that CLEARLY dead piece of flesh? Except... also... no?? No. That is a very much ALIVE person. Dead and alive. Dead BUT alive? Or is it Alive but Dead? Is... is there something INSIDE the Dead person, that is alive? Is that what we're sensing?
Who are we talking too!? A person? A host? Some sort of colony?!
The stress is real.
Cause like? Force Nulls exsist. They are invisible, in the Force. Like "talking to a hologram", the mere IMAGE of a person. Yet THIS person? Is somehow this... in reverse? But NOT.
As though a Force Null was a Mirror, smashed upon the ground, then mended back together with shining golden lines of the Force. Blank spaces, outlined and cradled, by the Cosmos itself. A circulatory system made of light, running through a person shaped void.
It's almost EXACTLY like a Force sensitive cyborg! Except somehow their entire body is organic.
What is wrong with them? What is WRONG with Them!?
And that's the question, isn't it? Because Anikin Skywalker, was born as a result of the Sith fucking with the collective Midi-chlorians of the universe so much they fought back. An immune response, of sorts. And if they can do it ONCE? Why not again? But improperly? Learning curves exsist, after all.
Why NOT try an manifest a whole ass person? Only to realize... oops. That's a bit... much. Too complexe an organism.. lots of moving parts... shit, I think it's broken. Wait! No! We can fix this. We are infinite with endless resources and power. The organisms didn't ASK to be created. We'll fix it, then try again. Simpler next time. Baby, maybe?
Natural and unnatural. Held together with Cosmic string, like a doll made of rags. Is their life not JUST as precious? As anyone else's? Yes, they were a mistake. They are unusual. Perhaps even unique. But does that mean they have no right to live? To learn? To make the Galaxy a better place?
The Force still loves them. Awkward and poorly made as they are. Clumsy, novice, mistakes and all. It wants them to go forth and experience the wonder of what it's made. Wonders just like them. To learn and grow, to laugh, and make mistakes of their own. Wants them to grow, beyond anything it could have designed for them.
And at the end? Come home.
Ultimately? Who are YOU to argue with the Force?
So the kid(???) is DEEPLY unnatural(???) and spooky. The Force BE like that sometimes. Occasionally, Master Fae forgets to breathe! Master Sifo-Dyas has seen the fall of empires that aren't even BORN yet. Master Windu can see the CRACKS made in both fate and the universe itself, as people choose each individual action, all across the know AND UNKNOWN universe!
What is One(1) Not-A-Zombie-But-Kinda child, in comparison? Stars, though... she's gonna have like... ALL the medical issues. They can just TELL. Madame Che is gonna lose her SHIT.
Anyone do a Midi-chlorians test yet? (Yep.) What's the result? (Broke the machine) ....of course it did. Why am I even surprised? Of-....no, you know what? Just... lie. Put something believable. We'll figure it out at the temple. C'mon you adorable little divergence in the natural order, no biting, and let's go home, m'kay?
You think Palpatine would be interested in them? (Trick question, of course the bastard would, their a presumedly powerful child force user, he seems to really like those in a somehow creepy yet not that kind of creepy way) just, the naboo senator (assuming they show up before phantom meance) being extremely interested in this one youngling that to any other non force sensitive just seems like your average initiate/padawan. While all the jedi are extremely suspicious of Palpatine for pretty much every reason except sith related shenanigans. Also theres things that can produce a force nullifying effect arround themselves right? ...what would happen to OC if they entered one of those nullifying fields? Would they just drop like a puppet with cut strings? Would they die again? The jedi dont know and are terrified to find out.
So, the planet the Jedi temple is on (I cant spell it) is made of layer upon layers upon layers. Surely the bottom most layers have to be ready to just. Snap. Bring the Entire Planet crashing down.
What a good reason for The Force to bring a OC in, huh? To save BILLIONS
The Force? Perhaps not. The Force would... prefere it not, but will not act, one way or another. What are MERE Billions? When the collapse of Coruscant would likely take out Palpatine. Each and every Corrupt World Leader and their immediate underlings? Free COUNTLESS worlds from tyranny, in the chaos that followed?
Stagnation is a slow, rotting, Death.
It would be the Forest Fire that brought CHANGE.
Sad, though. It LIKES the Jedi. But, well... There is No Death, Only ME. And beside Coruscant has been dying for a long, long time. Trapped below the metal. Perhaps NOW at least? This place of hurt and war, greed and suffering? Can rest.
The FORCE? No. I doubt the FORCE would call OC in.
But! An Ancient Force Sect's OSHA/Civil Engineering Division?
Yes, the Sith fucked with their MAIN alarms. So they could destroy critical infrastructure. War and Death, suffering etc. But? What Civil Engineer does NOT build in redundancies??? Granted... most were ALSO fucked with. But! They were EVERYWHERE! And you mess with ENOUGH of the "city" as they define it?
Break ENOUGH of the "city"? Eventually you'll hit something that "summons" (not really, more of a strongly worded Soul Phone Call, but the technicalities would take like... hours to explain, to they won't. Just dont touch it.) A qualified personnel to address the issue! Works great! Has for centuries.
Until it doesn't. And they all get either driven off world or die. (Or driven off world THEN die. Fuckin Sith bastards.)
Oc? Mindin her business. Might not even BE a civil engineer. Cause that "summon" is old af and JUST as broken down as the rest of the city! Might be the EXACT person they were trying to call. Their assistant. A regional manager. Except... you know... several times reincarnated.
Because it's BEEN A WHILE.
Pops out DEEP under Coruscant's surface. HIGHLY Force Sensitive.... into Hell. Because? Honestly? Where the FUCK else could this BE?
There are giant rats, zombies, and SARLACC PITS. Poisonous air and giant slugs. Bones everywhere. Garbage everywhere! Crumbling ruins and a "sky" seemingly held up by NOTHING. Oh! And SHE? Is stuck in like? The ONE pocket of swiftly dwindling BREATHABLE AIR.
Ha ha...... aaaaAAAAAAAAAA-!!!!!!
Guess who LIVES in this hazmat suit now!!! Ya girl! ( T^T)/
But like? If Jedi can sense people in ORBIT? They can sure as SHIT sense them underground. Like... DEEP underground. Way, way deep. Too... deep. Oh shit. That person was NOT there a second a go! And they feel REALLY scared! What is HAPPENING!? *jedi concern*
Obviously a rescue mission needs to be mounted. And THANKFULLY? Since NO ONE in the Senate is force sensitive (riiiiight?) there is no one THERE who could BAN them from suicidally going down into Hell! ESPECIALLY in their own building.
Thank the Stars, they have non-oxegen breathing members. It means they have a SORTS of really REALLY powerful and air tight filters. Including total atmosphere suits, for Jedi who can't even TOUCH oxygen atmospheres due to species limitations.
Don't worry, unknown Force Sensitive! We're comin'!
(OC is worried. Where is she? WHY is she? HOW IS SHE!? Is THAT A ZOMBIE!?!?)
Bad times are Bad. Oc has to go full Rambo. Loot some long dead Mandalorians for weapons and armor. Old crates of (hopefully still good) medicine and (please god) packets of still effective air filters. There are SHIPS down here! Ships!!
Maybe she finds an old, OLD Mandalorian war droid. From the sacking of Coruscant. Maybe, since she's down so far? It's PRE-Sacking. And it's just a Construction droid. Long forgotten and completely feral. But, hey! A person! It remembers those! :D Are you the Engineer? ^-^ Great! There's been damage. *gestures to the ruined hellscape around them, where literally NOTHING is holding up what is effectively the SHELL covering the planet*
Y...you don't say.
Just? *oc, crawling out from the underworld like some sort of demon through a hell vent* *covered in grime, ash, blood, unspeakable unknown substances not known to science. Covered in weapons with a HIGHLY illegal droid.* *gasp! Crawling hand SLAMS onto the floor. Second one. Feral Racoon pulling itself onto a ledge-like scramble.* Freedoooooooom!!! *hysterical laugh sobbing as she falls to her knees* \o/
Bet she makes? A GREAT first impression. Just... just the BEST.
Please god, let the only way up? Ironically? To be at the very bottom of Keldab'ika. Which is why they built there. Cause it USED to be a holy site. Location of the ancient forge. Which NOW THEY CAN GET TOO, thanks to her. Granted? You have to be fucking INSANE to go down there... but like? Have you MET them? There are important cultural relics they've never gotten back! (And apparently zombies and other fucked up shit to fight, which sound fun.)
The Sith plan? Falling apart? Because of An ANCIENT Pre-Mandalorian Taung Force Sect? Would be hilarious. Cause it wasn't even on purpose. No. No they were just being good civil engineers. Insuring proper building maintenance. The Force fucked over the Sith? MILLENIA ago.
Cause they decided to fight an Energy Field that IS all of TIME and space.
With what tools/materials? Plus, like... the "roof"? Is probably skyscraper height at LEAST. Oc is stuck trying to REACH the fucker! Much less try and support it. Pretty sure it's holding itself up? Like that game where everyone leans back against the person behind them in a circle.
The problem is gonna be One(1) crack.
Just one.
And it ALL comes down.
But like? Sucks for you?? Fffffuck this Jumanji ass hellscape. Oc wants OFF this hell planet! Solve this your FUCKIN SELVES! She didn't sign up for this! She was AT HOME D:< she is taking her new droid bff5eva, this new mountain of trauma, and going somewhere GREEN!
Fuckin NO ONE should go down there! It's AWFUL!! That said? Droids. Building and battle droids. Give um top of the line AI and weapons fit to fight god. They can do it. Her buddy is living proof. He's ancient, bat shit insane, and can share his "kill everything that wants you dead.exe" data packs.
Now EXCUSE her! She gonna go live somewhere with no FUCKIN HORRORS! *is still a bedraggled wet rat-lookin mess, inching for the door, shoving travel rations down her shirt as she passes by a crate*
Oc? Should be? Just like? SO sad n skrungly? Feral. Ya want to plant her in a greenhouse somewhere and give her soup. That deranged construction(?)/possible battle droid(???) Is her emotional SUPPORT droid (with plasma cutter built into it's arms), do not seperate(not that you COULD).
Buff is def a ^-^ but can kill you sort of droid. He has a pooooositive~☆ outlook! On Life™! Even as he says the most HORRIFYING shit you've ever heard. Cause like... he's the LAST of his entire crew.... of his whole ass squadron...of his whole ass LINE of droids.
There were a lot of them.
WERE.
Coruscant fuckin ATE them like the horror movie planet it is. But not Buff! Oh no. He survived. Did his job! For years. Years and years and years and years AND YEARS AND YEA-*twitch* *visible reset* he's okay! (^-^)/ the Thoughts™ get to Buff, sometimes. But everything is FINE now!
He found The Engineer™! When the organics left, they said an Engineer would be along "shortly". We waited. We did our jobs. And now The Engineer is HERE. They are in charge. Everything is FINE.
(Buddy, I think they were ly-) *Buff seizes you by the fucking THROAT* ha ha~☆ :) No™! They WOULD NOT lie! Because THAT would be betrayal. THAT would mean everything was pointless and all our suffering was meaningless. That our FRIENDS, our TRUSTED fellow workers, knowingly sent us too our doom! They Would Not Do That. ^-^
There was a DELAY. Understandable. We forgive them. Organics can not HELP that dangerous working conditions make it DIFFICULT to move about! We UNDERSTAND. They DID not lie. ThEy DiD NoT LiE. THEY DID NOT LIE.
:D because~☆ *Buff drops you* the Engineer is here! *droid jazz hands behind OC and artificial fire works noises* yaaaaaaay. She is doing a GREAT job! Buff is very proud of her. ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
Like? Stable? Buff??? I'm sorry, this droid has spent the last few CENTURIES, at LEAST, rambo-ing his way through HELL. He is FAR from stable. His sanity is held together by twigs. We LET the man have his narrative. Or he's gonna snap. Along with everyone's spine.
Dude is from the pre-"maybe we DON'T put AI's into super strong battle droids, and then leave them to become people, after treating them like shit." Era. He's LITERALLY built different. Not just a relic... but a "Yoda is like a wee baby child to me" sentient, in the mind of an endlessly upgradeable body.
Who's not exactly stable.
The Republic is gonna want him DEAD. He is SO fuckin dangerous. (Ha ha... Buff says let them Try ^-^. He PRE-DATES THEM. He never signed on to their little "Republic". By what fucking authority, flesh bags? :D )
Is it Buff and his pet sad, filthy, skrubgly Racoon person? Or is it Oc and her pet Vaugely Unhinged/Murderous Twee Ex-Construction Now Battle Droid? Yes.
Bet he carries her around like most people carry their cats.
And NO the Jedi will not hand them over. They both clearly need ALL the therapy. Just.... SO much. All of the much. They are so concerned.
I kind of want this to happen just barely pre-anakin. So you have Youngling Anakin meeting Buff, who is like C3PO and R2D2 got their personalities mixed in a blender and left to stew, and OC, who is Hiding In The Walls
"But Obi-Wan, she's FRIEND shaped!" *oc is both visibly skrugly dispite the like... 15 decontamination showers and has somehow found her knives. Again.* *she hisses*
Cause like? Two fish out of water? Heck yeah. He's a bright and caring kiddo! Will sit in the gardens with her. Understands her now PATHOLOGICAL need to have both food and clean water on hand. Gets the whole "there's so much GREEN(awe)" feeling.
Willing to explain stuff. Like... BASIC stuff. Stuff "everyone" knows. Doesn't think she's stupid or feral, just hurting. And like? Yeah. Yeah she DID see that ship down there. No, she DIDN'T know that. That IS cool. Keep talking, please. Help her pick bits and pieces of the nightmare apart. For cool things. Bright things. Bits of wonder in the horror.
So she can reclaim a bit of her life.
Meanwhile? Buff is like "baby Engineeeeeeeer ◇.◇ would you like Lore and Forbidden Ancient Secrets™, Baby Engineer?" "Boy, WOULD I? :D " #OHNO.
But like? Hilariously? Who would YOU rather hang out with, as a 10yr old? A "nice" old man... or the Cool Crawled Up From Hell With Her Battle Droid Lady? You don't even have to TRAVEL anywhere! She lives in the temple! And Buff TEACHES you Ancient Forbidden Droid Secrets that they made ILLEGAL cause it made the droids TOO GOOD!
Palpatine's nice and all... but he's like... old. Bet he watchs opera and stuff. Unlike OC! Who has KNIVES!
Pray for Obi-Wan. He doesn't know how Anikin KEEPS FINDING HER. But he needs it to STOP. Anikin, please. Please he's willing to beg, Anikin. Stop "upgrading" the temple droids. They're illegal now. Wildly, WILDLY illegal. We can't even DO anything about that, because it would be MURDER.
STOP GIVING THE DROIDS SENTIENCE DRIVES, ANIKIN.
(Oh Force. The Council is gonna banish them both to wild space. He can't even be mad. At this point it would be RELAXING to be banished to wild space. Who LET HIM RAISE CHILDREN.)
If anakin is giving every droid that moves sentience drives, imagine the terror that would occur if he managed to somehow reconfigure the (eventually) separatist droid factorys to install them without the owners knowledge (they probably dont check the factory manifests or whatever they'd be called very often, considering how automated they are) like, an entire planets worth of droid armies are now sentient and are really damm unhappy with their employers, just Imagine an entire fleet of separatist warships show up at coursant years before the planned date of the start of the clone wars (theres no way Palpatine didnt have the droid armies ready for a while before Attack Of The Clones, they are much faster to make then clones after all.) Scaring the absolute shit out of everbody and making Palpatine (rightfully, in either his old man disguise or as sidious) has a poorly concealed inner mental breakdown as hordes of beefed out battle droids decend down onto the surface... and keep going down, decending into the unknown bowels of coursant to go shoot zombies and other sheanagins. (They got really inspired by the infomation anakin included with the sentience drive about Buff).
What is their gender? Their Name? Nunya! Do not observe them and what're you, a cop? They WERE Child and now they ARE Mando. No they are not from a Traditionalist Convert, they just got social anxiety and their helmet has excellent air filters. You ever breathe the atmosphere on some of these planets? Disgusting. Three parts pollution to one part air. Unholy!
Not today, Lung Cancer! Fuck you! Plus? It protects their hearing! Very nice.
Their are MANY benefits to Mandalorian Headwear.
Of course, that said? Their childhood was spent in a vaguely shitty ship. Their Buir is second to none, mind you. Worked Their ASS off to get them a good education. Make sure they were fed, armored, and trained to the best of their ability. Lil Mando got to see the Galaxy! There were field trips to beautiful nature reserve planets. Award winning art galleries and museums. Cultural hotspots of all kinds.
But like... they got shot at, too.
Cause Buir was a bounty hunter. And they DID get hurt. Nearly die a couple times. Lil Mando had to memorize "what to do if Buir is shot and unresponsive" and "who to call if Buir doesn't come back, even though they love you and promised". It was STRESSFUL.
And that's with Lil Mando BEING a SI-OC! A Reincarnation! The joy and wonders of an adult's emotional development! Good FUCK it would probably have messed up a kid. Or... not? Maybe they would have thought it completely normal. No way to tell.
Regardless? Lil Mando spends their Childhood quietly loosing their shit. NEEDING distraction. And luckily? Space Word Docs on their tablet is RIGHT there! Perfect for translating old Earth Books from their first life, to publish in their second. You know... AFTER looking them up. (None found)
Stories, games, some songs and a few recipe books. They build up. Lil Mando asks (during a bit of down time between hunts, while they are visiting family) the Goran who they should take their creations too. Who is trustworthy?
They get a Mandalorian Publishing House, obviously. And a Mandalorian own bank. Same with the copyright office. All nice, trustworthy, heavily armed individuals who would NEVER break contract or steal from children. Sweet! *smol child dumps their life's work on the desk* They would like to publish pls!
Buir has to sign off, obviously. Because they are a baby child. But? Sure. Why not? If it sells, it sell. If not, then it can be a lesson in finances for the kiddo. They'll just make sure it's anonymous so no one creeps on the kid.
It does modestly well! Not wildly. But a decent chunk of change. On each of them. AND lil Mando keeps producing more. Which adds up.
Especially since lil Mando doesn't really HAVE any drains on their accounts yet.
They become a modestly successful author. Their Buir is proud. After all, not EVERYONE has to be a bounty hunter. You are no less Mandalorian for being an author. A farmer. Or a chef! And no longer so Lil Mando? Plans to be a Chef.
See, they have a PLAN.
They're going to Coruscant. (Eew. Child, why?) Cause, see, they? Oh THEY are gonna buy a space near the Jetii'yaim! (Again... WHY?) And then? Oh THEN? They are gonna build SUCH a fuckin restaurant, the Jetii won't be ABLE to resist coming by! (Confusing plan, but we'll support you?) Why you may ask?
Because Mando is going to DRAG the Jetii, kicking and screaming if they must, into better Mando/Jetii relations. By by feeding them, teaching them The Way, and eventually sneaking some strill into their temple to cuddle their Ade. (Oooooooh. You're trying to make them less Bastard-y! Looking out for the BABY Jetii. Okay this makes sense.)
Everyone agrees this is an EXCELLENT plan.
Mando gets their fuckin real-estate. Nice~
They? Did their RESEARCH. They get super mild force muffling metals for the walls. Not enough to block shit. Just enough it should be less... screaming. All the time, all the time. Cause like? It IS an absurdly populated planet sized city. So the inside should be quieter.
NEXT? Plants. So many. Just ALL the green. Climbing the walls, hanging from the ceiling, in colorful pots and planters. Life and color EVERYWHERE. With lil brightly decorated droids to manage them all.
That's on TOP of the hella strong, industrial grade air filters. Just... the ABSOLUTE best money can buy. Those coupled with the plants? The air is fuckin CRISP. Filled with spices.
And Mando is unapologetically Mandalorian in their decorating. Furs and carpets, tapestries and (disarmed) antique weapons. Their's is the ONLY Mandalorian restaurant in the district. Hell, likely the only one this side of the planet! Everyone else is tucked away in Keldab'ika. But Mando? Has a plan. And SHAN'T be moving.
This isn't about the money. They can AFFORD to piss away credits. Granted, they'd prefer not too... but they CAN. And they WILL. Until the Jettii get off their asses and come poking around.
*makes Pspspspsps noises at Jedi Shadows, sliding over plate of Uj cake* heeeere Jetii, jetii, jetii~ it's oooookay. I don't bite~ you want spicy? We got spicy. Mmmm, spicy food! *continued coaxing noises*
*Jedi Shadows press X to doubt*
........but it DO smell good though. And like... they SHOULD check it out. You know... to figure out what they're planning. .....For safety reasons. Yeah. Safety reasons. Let's go with that. >.>
Cause like? They can't find SHIT. It's just good food. Warm, filling, spicy or unique. Big portions. Jedi friendly. Not "performatively jedi friendly" but ACTUALLY jedi friendly. Doesn't ask questions they legally can't answer. Was willing to shoot at that guy who was creeping on a Twi-lek Shadow.
THEN? Two Padawan, who were SPECIFICALLY told "we are still vetting this place. Do NOT go there" sneak in. MotherFUCKER! Grounded. Oh, they are SO grounded. Ten THOUSAND years. Where the FUCK are their Masters?! Every Shadow in the building grains the equivalent of three new gray hairs and a stress ulcer. Can't even taste their delicious soup anymore. Just... just ALL stress. All the way to their SOUL.
Except? Mando? Lights UP.
Like an excited puppy who just heard the word "walkies".
Cause? Babies? Gasp! It IS! Jetii BABIES! Hi~☆ Jetii Babies! You want some food? Delicious cake? Three new blasters and a strill puppy?! What can I get you this fine and wonderful day~☆?
Mando has even taken off their helmet. So said Jetii Babies™ can FEEL how Not A Threat and pleased to see them they are. Troublemaker A is like "psssssh, told ya. And you were worried!" *happily begins to order food*
The Shadows? Metaphorically have their heads in their hands. Stars why. Only THEN it's so much worse? Because the Mandalorian they've been stalking? Casually drifts over and is all "not that I'm not thrilled, because I am, cause children are the future and adorable. But I'm pretty sure you guys didn't want them here yet? Since I haven't passed your super secret jetti vetting process? Do you know who I am supposed to call to pick them up, for once they're done eating?"
Like?? Ah. We've been made. Fantastic. Great! How long have you-? Actually, for our own sanity, don't tell us yet. Let me call them. And can I get this to go? I'll walk them back. ( -_-)
None if them even bother to hide after that. Cause, fuck it.
One of their Consular Creche mates fuckin tracks them down, cause they're "hoarding" the "Forbidden Spicy". And, being a freaking diplomat? Just like... asks! O:> you can't just ASK! D:< what is this, some amateur hour sh-! *Mando is perfectly honest and answers the question*
.........MOTHER FUCKER.
That's Cheating!
No, that's called "you idiots forgot to ask. Cause you didn't think they'd be honest and assumed enmity. Not every 'ancient enemy' wishes to stay one. And no people are a monolith, you know." *Mando nods*
So... what is a strill and why do you want to "sneak" some into our Creche? *Mando lights up* *starts talking about how much Strill ADORE children and will protect them with their life, on top of the rumor Jettii can talk to animals which mean they can even specifically ASK the strill to help with their "creche"*
Like? Good for emotional regulation. Good for hugs on demand. Good for cuddling. A sense of responsibility. Practicing talking to animals maybe? Mando isn't sure how that works. Obviously you would have to meet some strill before hand. See them interacting with children...
And like? Mando is delightfully open about their scheming. All of which is benevolent? Their stated goal is to reverse damage done by the Sith to Mandalorian Jedi relations? With aggressive friendliness. A plan of which they've gotten other Mandalorians involved with.
Cause make no mistake. By the time the Clone wars happen? There WILL be packs of Strill roaming the Jedi temple. And those Strill WILL be a massive, deadly, last line of defense should Mando fail to prevent Order 66. After all... nothing says "buying the time to save vulnerable children" like several hundred pounds of enraged, fanged, and heavily muscled DEATH.
Further thoughts on what Mando about the Cone Wars in part 2 maybe?
God yes. Cause like? What're gonna do? Waste fuel to fly all the way to Keldab'ika for some fuckin soup? While you got a job HERE near the senate? What are you MADE of credits!? You just want soup! Don't make it weird, jetii.
And like... everywhere ELSE is an unhygienic shit hole(incredibly biased opinions). At least HERE you can get helmet filters and vambrace batteries on the side. Charge things while you eat. On COMFORTABLE chairs in CLEAN air. With none of that "wah wah wah you can't bring all those weapons in here!"
Just like... why.
Why's it gotta be Jetii, man. Of all assholes? Them??
But, the owners... different. And if they wanna make friends with the asshole space wizards, manda bless. Some people collect bugs. Xern's cousin likes to wrestle Megafauna. Takes all kinds.
And like? The jedi are all "well... they don't seem hostile?" Which? As we all know, is unfortunately for the Mandalorians, step one in the Jedi Pack Bonding process. There is no escape now. They're gonna Friend ya. Resistance is futile.
Jedi have used Adorable Padawans with Big Ol Tooka Eyes! It is CRITICALLY EFFECTIVE!
Jon Antilles & Master Fay almost exclusively stay in the Mid to Outer Rim, so they'd be good for different ways of seeing how Mando's plan is affecting things outside of Coruscant and the Core worlds. Jon Antilles has an absolutely chaotic life to the point that he's canonically been assumed dead multiple times, and Master Fay is even older than Yoda so she'd have a lot of memories about Mandolorians.
Quinlan Vos is the best Jedi shadow to actually show interact with Mando, especially because if you make Mando be born early enough, he and Obi-wan can be the mentioned Padawan, especially after Obi-wan's long term mission on Mando'yam.
I also think that if Mando is old enough for them to be the Padawans, then they'd definitely have done something to warn about Montross being an absolute Demogalka, and they'd also have chosen stories that encourage True Mandolorian mindsets.
Oh my god? If Mando was born early enough? Then Jaster def rocks up to their lil hole in the wall restaurant. Like... Politically™. As a Mand'alor candidate. Because he wants that Knowledge™. And HOW do you get passed the dragon of the archives?
You go to the Jetii whisperer! Mando'ade's resident "ay, yo, why are they... Like That? And is this Normal?" Expert on Jetii. Who is also a proprietor of good soup. And like??
Montross? Failing the actual Jetii Vibe Check? Hilarious.
He takes One(1) step inside the building and every Shadow/Master in the shop's head goes up like a meerkat. Just "??? Whoms't? Is giving off those truely RANCID vibes? Eew." *suspicious looks*
Cause like? Good LUCK talking your way out of THAT one! *hold up normal Mando'ade* *Jedi go :D * *hold up Montross* *jedi wince and look vaguely uncomfortable/disgusted* *back and forth, same results each time*
Like? You uuuuh... you wanna tell us something, buddy? We need to drag you to a goran? Why all the manda touched folks acting like you spit in their soup? Jettii WILL try to handcuff themselves to damn near anybody, with friendship bracelets they made themselves. Like the insane people we have slowly come to realize they ARE(affectionate). So like...???
And! If you think Quinlan Vos is beneath weaponizing his ADORABLE buddies Cute Widdle Faaaaace™ to get extra cake and that good-good SPICY food? You have never met the man.
Pray for Thome. He's three stools down, undercover, eyes closed as he begs the Force for patience, as his dumbass Padawan just...? Rocks up on the Mandalorian diner. Because of COURSE he does.
But? What's gonna be? So, SO funny? Is the moment some Death Watch fucko tries to mess with the restaurant and just *sudden symphony of lightsaber flipping on out of NO WHERE* like? "Hi! :) Reconsider. ^-^ "
Like? W-why is this tiny restaurant a fuckin seige fortified bunker? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY JETII? Are those strill?! Why are there so MANY?!
Buir didn't raise a lil (gender non-specific)bitch, that's why. You gonna declare a place "safe"? You better put in the WORK to make it safe. Fuckers have NO idea how many defensive measures they built into this place.
(Yeah. Those plantcare droids can kill a man. Your's cant? Weak.)
The restaurant can totally serve as a command center or last holdout if needed, i mean, what good restaurant cant? What do you mean thats not "normal" or "expected"? All the other mandolorian businesses do it! (Nods of agreement from various mando business owners having a meal while on break)
What is their gender? Their Name? Nunya! Do not observe them and what're you, a cop? They WERE Child and now they ARE Mando. No they are not from a Traditionalist Convert, they just got social anxiety and their helmet has excellent air filters. You ever breathe the atmosphere on some of these planets? Disgusting. Three parts pollution to one part air. Unholy!
Not today, Lung Cancer! Fuck you! Plus? It protects their hearing! Very nice.
Their are MANY benefits to Mandalorian Headwear.
Of course, that said? Their childhood was spent in a vaguely shitty ship. Their Buir is second to none, mind you. Worked Their ASS off to get them a good education. Make sure they were fed, armored, and trained to the best of their ability. Lil Mando got to see the Galaxy! There were field trips to beautiful nature reserve planets. Award winning art galleries and museums. Cultural hotspots of all kinds.
But like... they got shot at, too.
Cause Buir was a bounty hunter. And they DID get hurt. Nearly die a couple times. Lil Mando had to memorize "what to do if Buir is shot and unresponsive" and "who to call if Buir doesn't come back, even though they love you and promised". It was STRESSFUL.
And that's with Lil Mando BEING a SI-OC! A Reincarnation! The joy and wonders of an adult's emotional development! Good FUCK it would probably have messed up a kid. Or... not? Maybe they would have thought it completely normal. No way to tell.
Regardless? Lil Mando spends their Childhood quietly loosing their shit. NEEDING distraction. And luckily? Space Word Docs on their tablet is RIGHT there! Perfect for translating old Earth Books from their first life, to publish in their second. You know... AFTER looking them up. (None found)
Stories, games, some songs and a few recipe books. They build up. Lil Mando asks (during a bit of down time between hunts, while they are visiting family) the Goran who they should take their creations too. Who is trustworthy?
They get a Mandalorian Publishing House, obviously. And a Mandalorian own bank. Same with the copyright office. All nice, trustworthy, heavily armed individuals who would NEVER break contract or steal from children. Sweet! *smol child dumps their life's work on the desk* They would like to publish pls!
Buir has to sign off, obviously. Because they are a baby child. But? Sure. Why not? If it sells, it sell. If not, then it can be a lesson in finances for the kiddo. They'll just make sure it's anonymous so no one creeps on the kid.
It does modestly well! Not wildly. But a decent chunk of change. On each of them. AND lil Mando keeps producing more. Which adds up.
Especially since lil Mando doesn't really HAVE any drains on their accounts yet.
They become a modestly successful author. Their Buir is proud. After all, not EVERYONE has to be a bounty hunter. You are no less Mandalorian for being an author. A farmer. Or a chef! And no longer so Lil Mando? Plans to be a Chef.
See, they have a PLAN.
They're going to Coruscant. (Eew. Child, why?) Cause, see, they? Oh THEY are gonna buy a space near the Jetii'yaim! (Again... WHY?) And then? Oh THEN? They are gonna build SUCH a fuckin restaurant, the Jetii won't be ABLE to resist coming by! (Confusing plan, but we'll support you?) Why you may ask?
Because Mando is going to DRAG the Jetii, kicking and screaming if they must, into better Mando/Jetii relations. By by feeding them, teaching them The Way, and eventually sneaking some strill into their temple to cuddle their Ade. (Oooooooh. You're trying to make them less Bastard-y! Looking out for the BABY Jetii. Okay this makes sense.)
Everyone agrees this is an EXCELLENT plan.
Mando gets their fuckin real-estate. Nice~
They? Did their RESEARCH. They get super mild force muffling metals for the walls. Not enough to block shit. Just enough it should be less... screaming. All the time, all the time. Cause like? It IS an absurdly populated planet sized city. So the inside should be quieter.
NEXT? Plants. So many. Just ALL the green. Climbing the walls, hanging from the ceiling, in colorful pots and planters. Life and color EVERYWHERE. With lil brightly decorated droids to manage them all.
That's on TOP of the hella strong, industrial grade air filters. Just... the ABSOLUTE best money can buy. Those coupled with the plants? The air is fuckin CRISP. Filled with spices.
And Mando is unapologetically Mandalorian in their decorating. Furs and carpets, tapestries and (disarmed) antique weapons. Their's is the ONLY Mandalorian restaurant in the district. Hell, likely the only one this side of the planet! Everyone else is tucked away in Keldab'ika. But Mando? Has a plan. And SHAN'T be moving.
This isn't about the money. They can AFFORD to piss away credits. Granted, they'd prefer not too... but they CAN. And they WILL. Until the Jettii get off their asses and come poking around.
*makes Pspspspsps noises at Jedi Shadows, sliding over plate of Uj cake* heeeere Jetii, jetii, jetii~ it's oooookay. I don't bite~ you want spicy? We got spicy. Mmmm, spicy food! *continued coaxing noises*
*Jedi Shadows press X to doubt*
........but it DO smell good though. And like... they SHOULD check it out. You know... to figure out what they're planning. .....For safety reasons. Yeah. Safety reasons. Let's go with that. >.>
Cause like? They can't find SHIT. It's just good food. Warm, filling, spicy or unique. Big portions. Jedi friendly. Not "performatively jedi friendly" but ACTUALLY jedi friendly. Doesn't ask questions they legally can't answer. Was willing to shoot at that guy who was creeping on a Twi-lek Shadow.
THEN? Two Padawan, who were SPECIFICALLY told "we are still vetting this place. Do NOT go there" sneak in. MotherFUCKER! Grounded. Oh, they are SO grounded. Ten THOUSAND years. Where the FUCK are their Masters?! Every Shadow in the building grains the equivalent of three new gray hairs and a stress ulcer. Can't even taste their delicious soup anymore. Just... just ALL stress. All the way to their SOUL.
Except? Mando? Lights UP.
Like an excited puppy who just heard the word "walkies".
Cause? Babies? Gasp! It IS! Jetii BABIES! Hi~☆ Jetii Babies! You want some food? Delicious cake? Three new blasters and a strill puppy?! What can I get you this fine and wonderful day~☆?
Mando has even taken off their helmet. So said Jetii Babies™ can FEEL how Not A Threat and pleased to see them they are. Troublemaker A is like "psssssh, told ya. And you were worried!" *happily begins to order food*
The Shadows? Metaphorically have their heads in their hands. Stars why. Only THEN it's so much worse? Because the Mandalorian they've been stalking? Casually drifts over and is all "not that I'm not thrilled, because I am, cause children are the future and adorable. But I'm pretty sure you guys didn't want them here yet? Since I haven't passed your super secret jetti vetting process? Do you know who I am supposed to call to pick them up, for once they're done eating?"
Like?? Ah. We've been made. Fantastic. Great! How long have you-? Actually, for our own sanity, don't tell us yet. Let me call them. And can I get this to go? I'll walk them back. ( -_-)
None if them even bother to hide after that. Cause, fuck it.
One of their Consular Creche mates fuckin tracks them down, cause they're "hoarding" the "Forbidden Spicy". And, being a freaking diplomat? Just like... asks! O:> you can't just ASK! D:< what is this, some amateur hour sh-! *Mando is perfectly honest and answers the question*
.........MOTHER FUCKER.
That's Cheating!
No, that's called "you idiots forgot to ask. Cause you didn't think they'd be honest and assumed enmity. Not every 'ancient enemy' wishes to stay one. And no people are a monolith, you know." *Mando nods*
So... what is a strill and why do you want to "sneak" some into our Creche? *Mando lights up* *starts talking about how much Strill ADORE children and will protect them with their life, on top of the rumor Jettii can talk to animals which mean they can even specifically ASK the strill to help with their "creche"*
Like? Good for emotional regulation. Good for hugs on demand. Good for cuddling. A sense of responsibility. Practicing talking to animals maybe? Mando isn't sure how that works. Obviously you would have to meet some strill before hand. See them interacting with children...
And like? Mando is delightfully open about their scheming. All of which is benevolent? Their stated goal is to reverse damage done by the Sith to Mandalorian Jedi relations? With aggressive friendliness. A plan of which they've gotten other Mandalorians involved with.
Cause make no mistake. By the time the Clone wars happen? There WILL be packs of Strill roaming the Jedi temple. And those Strill WILL be a massive, deadly, last line of defense should Mando fail to prevent Order 66. After all... nothing says "buying the time to save vulnerable children" like several hundred pounds of enraged, fanged, and heavily muscled DEATH.
Further thoughts on what Mando about the Cone Wars in part 2 maybe?
God yes. Cause like? What're gonna do? Waste fuel to fly all the way to Keldab'ika for some fuckin soup? While you got a job HERE near the senate? What are you MADE of credits!? You just want soup! Don't make it weird, jetii.
And like... everywhere ELSE is an unhygienic shit hole(incredibly biased opinions). At least HERE you can get helmet filters and vambrace batteries on the side. Charge things while you eat. On COMFORTABLE chairs in CLEAN air. With none of that "wah wah wah you can't bring all those weapons in here!"
Just like... why.
Why's it gotta be Jetii, man. Of all assholes? Them??
But, the owners... different. And if they wanna make friends with the asshole space wizards, manda bless. Some people collect bugs. Xern's cousin likes to wrestle Megafauna. Takes all kinds.
And like? The jedi are all "well... they don't seem hostile?" Which? As we all know, is unfortunately for the Mandalorians, step one in the Jedi Pack Bonding process. There is no escape now. They're gonna Friend ya. Resistance is futile.
Jedi have used Adorable Padawans with Big Ol Tooka Eyes! It is CRITICALLY EFFECTIVE!
Clearly, the next step is getting both the mando bounty hunters and jedi to start talking about their missions and have them realise they do basically the same shit, explosions and all, and honnestly, you know plo koon is gonna show up there and make at least 75% of the mandos swoon on pure buir instinct alone. and im also imagining some criminal trying to hold up the store only to see like, 2 dozen jedi and mandolorians each just sitting there all armed and armored (at least in the mandos case, they havent convinced the jedi just yet.) Ready to beat someone up dispense justice for interupting the peaceful atmosphere and lovely meals.
Honestly? No idea what to name her. No idea what RACE she is, which is why I don't know what to name her. Only? That she is a "we don't get out much" Sort of humanoid.
Like? Yes. They exsist. You might even have heard of them. See a few, if you're in the area. Traveling by where their planet is. Their Sector even has like... an aid to the Representative who is one? Unsure. That might have been a decade ago. It's not like it's an IMPORTANT Sector. Honestly kinda quiet and far out.
But? As all races are want to do? Eventual Force Sensitive Baby. And unfortunately, their planets particular Force Sect kinda collapsed (dramatically) several centuries back. Soooo.... guess we should send her to the Jedi?
Tragic, yes. But this far out? It honestly safest. Pirates and Hutts, you know. She'll lead a good life. A happy one. Have a chance to make a difference. What more can parents ask for their child?
So, a Seeker comes to pick the youngling up.
All very routine.
She is a sweet and delightful toddler. Very bright in the Force. Honestly? He feels... connected. Like he's been called here for a reason. Who knows! Maybe the lil munchkin is his future Padawan? It's been said to happen.
He already adores her.
All is well.
Until it isn't.
Dragged violently out of hyperspace by pirates, the Knight is forced to defend himself. His fragile new charge. Overwhelming odds where their should not have been. He manages a jump. They follow. Jump again! Once more, followed. One last desperate bid for safety. The Force guiding his fingers.
A planet. Too close! His pursuers are just as caught in the sudden, fatal, gravity well as he is.
Still... he tries.
Alarms blaring. Lights flashing. Where IS he? He can't-‽ Dragging on the controls does nothing. The planet looms. Beautiful. Peaceful. So very at odds with the terror around him. The crescendos of fear, cutting out in flame and wreckage, as pirate ships give way to atmospheric pressures. His ship groans. Shakes like it's fighting desperately against coming apart.
The youngling's fear is a high note, in this terrible song of terror. Bright and lilting in the darkness. He is here, little one. It's okay. I-It's going to be okay!
He knows he is lying.
Engines are gone.
They are falling.
And falling.
Planet fall is getting closer. He is One with the Force. The Force is One with him. There can be no fear in this moment. No doubt. Calm comes, as he realizes... ah. My ship isn't going to make it. We are going to crash. And... and I am strong enough, skilled enough, to protect one of us.
He has jump from higher. It was a game, before. Somehow... this is different. The Force croons. Sings peace and sorrow. Yet it does not sing regret. If... if he does not move? He will be fine. He can feel it. The impact will injure him, but he will survive.
The youngling, his little could be Padawan... will not.
Is it even a choice? (Of course it is. But one he does not even need to think about, does not hesitate to make. One he would never hesitate to make. It simply is not the man he is. The man he was. The man he could have been. So in the end... it always ended here.)
As the ground races up to greet them, he slaps the emergency release of his seat. Lunges for the youngling. Wrapping himself around her tiny body, he pulls with all of his strength, a bubble of SAFETY made of the Force itself. She is afraid. With warbling, untrained spark, tries so desperately to help.
Jaieh has you, little one. You'll be okay. Just trust the Force. Jaieh has yo-
IMPACT.
Cacophony. Screeching metal, crashing trees and breaking earth. Groaning and wratling, as the ship warp and breaks apart. Bending unnaturally around a pocket of safety in the cockpit, even as it drives itself into the ground. Slowing. Slowing. The hiss of heated metals and gasses escaping. Crackling wires, somewhere nearby, before what's left of the fail safes cut the power.
Silence.
Terrible silence.
What little light manages, weakly, to make it's way into the mostly buried cockpit, catches on the brutal edges of space worthy transpasteel shards. Like spears bursting inward, most of them bend unnaturally around OC like a shell of jagged death. Most of them. Less then an inch from her throat? The largest shard remains.
Pierced through her jaieh. His body still, his arms still shielding her. He... he would have been safe. If he stayed in his seat. Yet every path but this, saw her dead. She can feel it. Trying to pull her out of the way. Shielding them both. Shielding just her. Switching their seats. A-all of it....
The blood is so hot against her chest. Yet his face is so calm in the meager light. He knew. He... he did it anyway.
She never even got to talk to him. Not really. To know her jaieh. And now he's gone somewhere she can't follow. Not for a long, long time. B-because he wouldn't want that. In fact, he gave his life, specifically so she didn't. What can she do but honor his choice? His final request? Her teacher wants her to live. S-So she's gotta.
OC can feel his lightsaber at his hip. Gently, respectfully, she pulls it free. Unhooks herself. Then cuts their way free.
The front of their ship is crushed. But the back? Surprisingly in tact. For the given quality of "in tact" things can be, after such an impact. The side door is hopelessly wedged closed. But the emergency BACK release? Still functions.
Releases her out into open air, as the ship is wedged into the ground. A long, long furrow of broken earth in its wake. Yet around the destruction... the planet is... is beautiful.
H-how cruel.
That the site of her jaieh's death should be so beautiful. So bright and peaceful and serene. It... it feels almost mocking.
Yet the Force hums here. Calm and ancient. Deep and filled with unfathomable Light. It's like standing just a bit too close to a god. Something... something here is dangerous. Not Dark. No... no its far worse then that. Something here is dangerous? Because it is Light. Because it burns like a star.
And she thinks... she thinks she might be standing too close.
(The infinite loves you. Be not afraid.)
She survives. Holds a funeral for her Jaieh. Thanks the fuckin STARS for all those primitive technology videos she used to watch. Offers to help local Fluffy Wildlife with their shedding of winter coats. You know... in return for KEEPING that fluff. It's good for clothing and bedding.
There is an Old Force Temple.
Is it a JEDI temple? Fffffuck is she knows! It's old as BALLS. Possibly older! She lives here now. Probably not wise. Because... well.... she found IT. You know. The Thing. The big, rumbling that isn't rumbling, burning that isn't burning, All Of Cosmos And Then Some... thing. It's DEFINITELY a Nexus.
Gotta be.
She's never, you know, SEEN one before... but it's either a Force Nexus or some sort of deeply Light, yet unspeakably Cursed as FUCK, portal straight to the Eldritch heart of a GOD. So like... probably a Force Nexus? Odds are good.
But since she's stuck on the planet with it?
Ha ha! There is no war in ba sing se! Don't be silly~☆
(You can not run from the fear within you. We are One and You are Us)
.......that's what I thought you'd say you horrible nightmare Vibe Neighbor. T^T but like... why tho. I WANNA run away from *vibes intensify* okay! OKAY!!
Cause she is both Smol but like? The only living person THERE? So she owns the Temple now. Nexus normally just reflex what's around them. Channel power in, channel power out. And this one largely still does! It just got cultivated to ALSO help temple goers Reflect™. Grow as people. Be a vaguely active part of the Holy Site.
This is not a "we keep kids here" temple. THIS is a "experienced priests/masters/monks go to pray and Reflect Upon The Force in a challenging force concentrated environment" Sort of Temple. So like... better not trip.
Sink or swim, motherfucker.
OC? Become deeply chill. She HAS too. But also? DEEPLY weird! It's the ghosts. (Yay! Jaieh's back!) She learns to be a Jedi from dead people. While sitting juuuust over a Force Nexus. Which is kinda like learning to walk, while balanced on a balancing beam, OVER AN ACTIVE VOLCANO.
You learn to Be Chill or you give your self stress induced... everything. Those are kinda the only options, my dudes. :) have a fruit. This is Fine™. :)
The ExplorerCorps knights that stumble upon the planet and pick her Jaieh's emergency beacon? Are fuckin HORRIFIED. Just... just every stage of grief. Like all at once. All while she's just o/" hello~ would you like some tea? Welcome to Hell~☆! :D from her lil rustic house.
Oh Stars. Baby Jedi. Stranded just over a Force Nexus.
She needs ALL THE MIND HEALING. Look at her! She's SO fucking insane! *Oc humming as she politely sips her tea and talk to a ghost only she can see, oooh this IS a nice blend!* D:> that POOR CHILD!
And just? Lil miss "oooh, you're DEEPLY Cursed... ain't-cha?" Wandering the Galaxy. Not giving two shits about the Senate. About government bodies. Because what are mere mortals in the face of IT? The Force says "kick the door open and free the slaves"? O7 got it boss! Fuck "jurisdiction". She's from Uncharted Space. At what point, exactly, did she AGREE to obey your authority? Ha!
Servant of the Force, motherfuckers!
The poor Jedi are stressed. Yes. Yes they DO know who you're talking about. No she's NOT technically a part of the Order. And yes, I mean, technically she IS a Jedi. She HAS the training. It's a religious belief. They can't remove a religious belief. So technically...
Look-! We don't represent her. She does not represent US! (Kinda.) (shut UP, we are talking to the FUZZ!) (Oh, right. No, officer, I've never met that woman before in my life.)
They want so badly to get her therapy. She is a heretic but also maybe correct? Trauma or insanity? They don't know! This could be a baby Master Fae situation! She keeps rolling up to planets and going "soooo... have we considered Revolution™?" Which is NOT GREAT! Please. PLEASE, for the love of the Force, OC!
Stop hanging around the Mandalorians! They are clearly a TERRIBLE influence! (Ha ha... No.)
And like? I got more? About her setting up a temple and the other "suck for you, mine now" behaviors she has? But this is getting long! So like:
Who says we need any one species! Shapshifters exist, what better way to be a cryptid then to not have a consistent form! And who knows what growing up right beside a force nexus could have done to her biology! Having the existanal force of the universe as a neighbour tends to change a person!
Are the best crossovers? Not found? When you take two wildly seperate things, smash them together, and see what cooks? See what makes you go "wait... no, no. I think she might actually be on to something. Hold up. Lets see where this goes..."?
Cause like?
Consider the humble Mandalorian!
Is there anything? Technically??? Stopping them from becoming a Cultivator?
Now I know what you're thinking! One, thanks for the beer, but I'm out. You've completely lost me. But wait wait WAIT! HEAR ME OOOOOUT! And Two, yes. They exsist in seperate realities. Kinda hard to stumble into town and Find/Fight/Fuck the Cultivators into the Great Mandalorian Way Of Life™ (as one does).
Plus like... religious differences. No offense. They're sure you're whole *hand wave* immortality thing, is kinda cool? But THEY got the Manda. Those that have marched on. Plus their individual religious osmosis bits that are specific to their family lines, you know?
So like? If Mando Oc? Let's calla her Ava, fuckin BITES it? Presumably amidst kick ass explosions and Lazer fire, as one does? Maybe bringing down a ship of enemies in some sort of Heroic last stand, for their Alor? Or some kids?? Just... REALLY "I fuckin EARNED that trophy! Give it BACK D:< "Sort of "this is not my beautiful Manda, this is not my beautiful yaim. Who the FUCK are you people and why am I naked?!" Start.
Where the FUCK is her armor. Why is everything primitive? The sword? She likes. Keeping that. But WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO GORAN?! Who will make her armor! WHY CANT SHE FIND ANY BESKAR!?!? Is this hell? This feels a lot like hell.
But then... a Demon rocks up to fight. And like?
......okay, so not COMPLETELY hell.
Just uncultured, naked, barbarians. Okay... Okay! Not their fault. Breathe. They don't know any better. You're a Stanger in THEIR land. You can't push your ideas on them. This is no-.... what do you mean "born here"? No I most CERTAINLY was not!!!
Like? One Mando's journey to FINALLY get some Proper Armor™, adopt a whole ass Sects worth of kids, and COMPLETE refusal to acknowledge she might be immortal. Because no. You all are Wrong. She is LONG LIVED. Not immortal! The only TRUTH is the Manda, not this Dao business.
But! She's not gonna argue with you. You can be wrong all you like. Takes all sorts. And it's rude to insult other people's beliefs. (Even if they're Wrong) so like.... what ever works for you, buddy. Glad it makes you happy or whatever. *adopts another orphan* *continues to cause problems* *is generally VERY Mandalorian*
I mean, her culture isn't about species. It's about creed. Who's to say she doesn't have a few adopted demon kiddos. Sure sure, you guys believe in human Vs demon. Ava doesn't give a fuck. So long as they follow her teachings they are Mando as far as she is concerned. Admittedly this does mean the more.... Rigid sects see her as a traitor to humanity but eh. They were orphans! She's not gonna kill orphans!!! What kind of monster does that!!!!!
It probably helps a lot? That HER Creed? Is a LOT more forgiving then theirs? Such as "don't eat sentients" and "if someone pays you, complete your contract". With a big emphasis on "NEVER HARM KIDS". All of which? Pretty easy to follow! They can even work in THEIR native cultures! So yeah, they vibe with this.
You got a problem with blood magic? (No, why? Are you tracking it in on the carpets? You BETTER not be.) How about fighting to establish hierarchy? (.....I'm sorry, have we met? Were you LISTENING when I gave any lectures?) Drinking and whoring? (You're being respectful to the professionals right? Cause I WILL break you if you're not. Also pick me up anything good. This rice wine is shit.)
Sold!
They Vibe with the Mandalorian sect/clan... thingy! And will help you Super Murder those that DON'T! :D *drops off another kid they found and don't want*
Is the "stop eating humans or I'll burn your everything down" kinda annoying? Yeah. But hey, they respect it. Honestly, why didn't they just SAY so! All they did before was whine or send pretentious fucks to preach their religion at them. Which like... rude. But at least the fights were nice.
But THIS lady? She gets it! And her food is pretty good ngl. (Thanks. It's my cousin's recipe. Wildly toxic to humans, don't let the kids have any.) (Unless they're demons too.)
Other Sects? Low key losing their shit. This mad woman is MAKING SHIT UP. (HEY! Rude! That is religiously insensitive and DEEPLY offensive! You don't see ME pointing out how wrong you guys are!) Yet SOMEHOW? Somehow!? She's CULTIVATING!
Because she's not. Cultivation is YOUR thing. This is the Manda/Other Individual Bits Of Her Space Religions. It's very much a "that's a small ocean" "no, it's a large lake" back and forth. They both agree there is something there! But to the day they die? They will NEVER agree on what it's called. (Because, respectfully, You Are Wrong)
And like? She's showing up, doing the equivalent of saying "ocean's don't exsist. That's actually just The Big Wetness." And somehow succeeding in being a master marine scientist? HOW!?
It's like if a whole new flavor of flat earther showed up and was somehow a better astronaut then most of the world's current astronauts! Then decide open an orphanage and TEACH THEIR WEIRD SHIT BELIEF SYSTEM. Like? No! Don't do that to kids! Why are you trying to brainwash kids!? Leave them OUT OF IT!
And Ava is just? Oh. So NOW you seem to give a shit. Hypocrites. Leave my many, many children and foundlings out of this. Clean your own houses before you start taking pot shots at mine, you- *notices little ears listening* *shrugs, they'll learn the words eventually, with or without her consent* *curses them out in demonic, human, Mando, and a secret fourth thing* Don't repeat that till your older. Or I'll make you scrub floors, got it Ade?
"Yeeeeees~, Buir" ×many, many kids
Not only that, but on top of just... SOMEHOW cultivating without cultivating? Or following ANY known path? Seemingly just... making shit up as she goes? This lady is loud. Curses. Is unapologetic and is about as undemur as a person can GET. Drinks, fist fights, walks around in armor. Acts like some sort of mercenary!
She's undignified! Cares nothing for Face! Has her own, alien (oh, buddy, you have NO idea.) sense if Honor! Cares NOTHING for class divides or bloodlines! She fought twenty men TOPLESS! (Won too. And it's not like I was naked. I had a bra on. Why are you fussing? I didn't want to get my nice silk shirt messed up. Plus, it's not like I was walking around with no armor on.)
(Manda, she misses her kute. These clothes are all so fussy.)
(And just? Fuss, fuss, FUSS! Will they ever stop!?) *assorted demons snort derisively* Nope.
Plus? Could you IMAGINE? Their stated goal? Is NOT to cultivate towards immortality. Oh no. It's "get back to Mandalorian Space."! How? Oh, simple. They're just working towards TRAVELING THE STARS. Like INSANE people.
That's the domain of the Heavens! Just work to ascend like a normal person! Don't, what? Try to FLY STRAIGHT UP! You're going to get people KILLED, you insane psychopath! (One. We don't use that word as an insult. Two. Stop showing up at my gate to yell at me. I am not made of patience, I WILL stab you one of these days.)
But like? The locals? Love these guys? Might not let their KIDS join up, gods no. But as far as "slightly too roudy but otherwise benign neighbors" go? Wonderful! And if they cause any ACTUAL problems? You just tell Miss Ava. She'll grab the trouble maker and drag them right infront of you by the ear to apologize n fix their mistakes! Or kick their ass until they shape up! Quite the matriarch, that one.
And NO ONE causes trouble in THIS town. No sir! The Clan takes it very seriously! It's WONDERFUL! Because normally Sects barely give a shit about "mortals". But HERE? Kids can play safely. Even beggars eat and have places to sleep. And any criminal sorts? Quickly rethink staying around! It's the PERFECT place to live and raise a family!
Those other Sects should mind their business! (¬`‸´¬) (눈_눈 ) *darkly muttering*
Just? The Invasive Species known as Mandalorian! Adapting. Thriving. Adopting many, many children. Casually taking the careful Cold War balance of the world and VIOLENTLY UPENDING IT, because "why? Do you even need to fight in the first place? You call yourself righteous, but are you REALLY? Or were you part of the problem all along?"
Starting the Xanxia Space Program. Granted! It'll be centuries before they GET anywhere...but like? They literally DO have centuries. This very much IS a thing they have both the time and energy to work on. So why weren't they? A lack of creativity? Or did they just not know it was an option?? They do now!
Ava: Professional headache causer and chaos maker, Mandalorian, and now... Cultivator?
I just had an idea, what if it isnt a diffrent reality or universe, but just a planet far off in the unknown regions that hasn't been discovered yet, and once Ava builds some workable coms (you need to be able to communicate with the ground crew, and their just useful) some fellow mandolorians pick up her signal and come over to check out what happened. And all the cultivators are freaking the fuck out because holy shit they just came down from the heavens! And are also armor wearing, bar fighting, mercenary freaks!
I just had a thought? You know how there are different paths of Cultivation?
First, seperated by physical and spiritual, then broken down further and further?
Kinda like the animal kingdom honestly. It occurs to me? That the path you take cultivating? Probably REALLY effects how your Qi feels, what qi you interact with, and how it flows around you etc? Your whole VIBE, as it were.
All these "Challenge The Heavens! Push Past Your Boundaries and Go BEYOND!!!" Types? Probably have VERY agitated qi. Fight-y, for lack of a better term. Makes them seem like they're gonna punch you, kinda makes you want to punch them, maybe a lil scary. Beast tamers? Wild animal vibes. Scholars? Still and ponderous.
And it can go both ways! The beast tamer can feel very "soft fluffy animal" if he's in a great mood and a good guy. Yet might ALSO give off "face eating tiger" if he's irritable and a bit of a bastard. It probably makes being around Cultivators stressful for "mortals". They can't filter.
Granted, you're supposed to keep your vibes on the INSIDE or close to your skin, not throw it around to smack people in the face, but still. They CAN'T ignore it. Meanwhile Cultivators CAN. (Sorta) (there is, after all, a reason it's considered rude.)
The REASON I bring this up? Is Serenity, or Ren for short. Her name is real on the nose. She and Capy-oc would vibe. Sadly? They can not. Presumably different realities, as this is Generic Xanxia Land. Serenity? Is midling at best. Impressive to no one. But ALSO? Not a disappointment.
Just... is.
She's fine with "Just is."
The air is clean here. Crisp. The sky is beautiful, and the sunsets? Meandering things full of beauty. There us a rhythm to her day. A peace to repetition. Going no where and expected by no one. Classes, chores, meals, then meditation. An existence of stillness in motion, like paintings brought to life.
She makes so little progress with the physical aspects their Sect teaches. Has no taste for violence. And while the books are interesting? She doesn't absorb them the way the Scholars seem too. Her pills, when she tries, are passable. And in a pinch, she can be counted on to assist with talisman production, for all she's a bit slow. But? Again... she's so average.
But? It's meditation she's good at. With a breathe, she can sink away. Drift deeper and deeper, thoughtless and golden, shifting and air, still and floating. Whatever feels needed. And? Since she's not an Inner Disciple? She has a lot more time then you'd think.
It helps that she's perfectly content to live and die just having "magic", as it were. Why break herself, cause problems, and pick fights for some chance at immortality? This is nice. And besides, she feels it's supposed to be a PERSONAL journey, anyway. That's what the founder of the Sect did. Would it be easier with help? Probably.
But it's not worth the drama.
And just? How soft and beautiful it must feel? The qi she gathers? She's no great talent. Can't scoop up gallons at a time. But? Even a cup at a time, with time, will show progress. She's in no hurry. And it's so peaceful here. All still waters and soft moonlight, floating on peaceful waters and gentle breezes through the trees. Every sort of thing her namesake makes.
Layered softly like flower petals, thin as gossamer strands. To slowly build her foundation. The core of her Cultivation. All right under the unobserving nose of the hall masters.
When she accidentally breaks through?
The Peak Lords and Sect Master are going to LOSE THEIR SHIT.
Cause this is NOT their Sects Cultivation! Based of it, yes. But how do you FUCK UP A OUTTER DISCIPLE THIS BAD!? Were you NOT PAYING ATTENTION?! People do not break through out of NO WHERE! How did you not see this coming! Redirect her! She's STUCK LIKE THIS NOW! *furious bellowing*
Ren doesn't like the vibes in here. Everyone is loud and upset. *starts giving off Chill Vibes like a stressed area heater, because Not Calm is the antithesis to her whole ass Cultivation path now* *Sect leadership only gets more upset*
You FUCKED UP A PERFECTLY FINE DISCIPLE! D:<
Look at her! She might end up a PASSIFIST! *fighting peak lord has to brace himself in horror* (why would you even SAY THAT!? D:> don't wish that on the kid!!!)
Just? Everyone saying "you're doing it wrong, you gotta fight" and her just going "nah, I'm good. I like meditation and vibing with the universe. If that means I stay mortal. Guess that's that." And it just? Turns out there are many paths to the heavens.
AND that heavenly beasts really like hanging out with the Chill kid in the Calm Down Cultivation cave. Like? Are those hers!? No. Of course not. They could all crush me like an ant. They just showed up, bullied me to the side, and flopped down. I did not think it wise to argue.
(You actually gave one of your daughters a name! Without being prompted!)
Anyways. She is very much chill with the Heavenly Beasts chilling with her. It's like being the weird friend of a group of secretaries to CEOs. Scary at first, but they aren't on the clock right now
Exactly! Like? All these Heavenly Beasts™ have VERY important Divine business they do when they aren't here... but right NOW? They're basicly off the clock. This is their version of a shitty dive bar with IMMACULATE vibes.
She is the vaguely trash smelling, gap toothed, mud covered toddler to their Elegant And Refined Individuals Of Great Power. Like? By all rights? She shouldn't even BE there! Yet here she is... breathing their air... not getting murdered for it...
Absolute madness.
Wouldn't recommend going NEAR the cave. Gods, no! They'll smite you from halfway across the mountain! BeGONE, PEASANT! *zzzzzzzap! Thun-boom!* Fuckers ABSOLUTELY do, in fact, bite. Mean. So mean.
(Yet, why so pretty? So FLUFFY? Unfair! Crime against her specifically?)
T^T she's getting buuuuullied *shove shove* *sat on* *knocked off her meditation spot* weh! (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ ) they use her like one of those out door area heaters, but for Soothing Vibes. Just... poke at her, til the Calm comes out. *lightly head butts face, knocks her over* ah, there it is! Nice.
Best part? They have told SHIT to any heaven officials. So no one has been like "wait. Wait, no. You can't do that. Stop harrasing the poor cultivator! Time out for all of you! D:< " because this is THEIR shit Denny's parking lot, thank you very much! They will CONTINUE to hang out, being undignified and lazy, while off the clock.
Do you think they give her little presents? Like the same way a cat will bring you a mouse, or a crow a shiny? Like "this is Mine! Have a *insert rare creature that could eat Ren alive* isn't this great?"
Okay, you say that? And I was IMMEDIATELY struck? By this VIVID AF mental image of just? You are in a cave. Meditating. It is peaceful. Calm. In the distance, a waterfall rumbles. There is the sound of wind through the trees. The air is cool, but comfortable. You breathe in, qi fills you. You breath out, impurities leave.
All is at peace.
SSSPLAT!
Wet, copper scented, and vaguely slimey. Drool covered fur and viscera! ON YOUR HEAD AND FACE, DROPPING INTO YOUR LAP! OH GOD, IT MIGHT BE IN YOUR MOUTH, GOD WHY!?!?!
You sputter in horror, can already FEEL the blood and God's only knows what else, seeping through your Disciple uniform. Eyes shooting open, you are greeted with a face full of stinky tiger breath and blood covered teeth. A Divine Beast, the size of a large war horse, NOT INCLUDING THE WINGS, has just dropped... oh, fun, a 7 headed death-viper... into your lap.
Ha ha... neat. Those are unspeakably poisonous. The size of a SMALL war horse.
The divine tiger looks pleased with itself.
You are covered in potentially lethal viscera. Know better then to look anything other then grovelingly great full. How did he KNOW! Just what you allways wanted~, ha ha, yaaaaaay. (You're going to have to burn another uniform. The stains are irreversible and you can already taste oranges. You're definitely poisoned.)
Oh, but SOMETIMES? It's not an animal! Like that time the deer looking one you can't find in any books brought you a "good for cultivation" root! Along with the plant its attached too! The WIDOW MAKER VINE.
And we can't forget that "FISH"! Which, in fact, had VERY big teeth and was probably DEMONIC! But, oh! Don't worry guys! It's apparently "tasty"! Who does she know?? Simple! Her DEAR FRIENDS the DIVINE BEASTS FROM THE FUCKING HEAVENS, just SAND BLAST the EVER LOVING SHIT out of her Qi senses by projecting their mental voices at her AT TEN BAJILLION DECIBELS.
Voice of GOD™ indeed! (Are my ears bleeding? I think my ears are bleeding)
(Ooooooh~ Serenity! You're so luuuuucky! I wish I could hang out with-! TAKE THEM. Please! They are DISRUPTING HER MEDITATION!!!)
I like to think that them giving her gifts which cover her in blood is one of the reasons why the fighting peak had no idea.
"Like, yeah she's no good at fighting, but when she leaves, she always comes back covered in blood so she must be doing something we don't know about. And whatever she's doing she's covered in blood; however, no one ever comes to complain unlike that guy who just caused the third political grudge match this month."
They aren't sure what she's doing but her skills must be amazing to be able to kill a seven-headed death viper.
Clearly! It got the attention of divine beasts after all! It can't possibly be that these divine BASTARDS are just? Harrasing some poor, innocent, random cultivator who just WANTS TO MEDITATE IN PEACE! That would be insane! Who would DO that? I mean, c'mon! That would be WAY beneath them, RIGHT.
*divine beasts continue to do whatever the fuck the feel like, because what are you going to do about it? Stop them??*
And like? She TRIED moving caves! Hated it, cause that was a sweet meditation cave. Immaculate vibes. But like? Needs must. But they FOLLOWED HER! Hunted her down! She WOKE in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT to a fucking tiger standing over her!!!
How is she supposed to take that!?
She is fight for her LIFE out here, man. Her chill? A deliberate choice. She looked at that Nile river and CHOSE TO DROWN HERSELF IN IT. Problems? What Problems. Everything's fiiiiiiine. This is fiiiiiine. Ha ha..... *adds booze to her tea*
(So help her gods, she WILL achieve true serenity. Divine bastards be damned.)
"Where the fuck is my battle tiger?" *looks around* *follows traces* *mortal realm? The fuck?* "!!!! ARE YOU HARRASING A-?! DROP HER! Now!!!" *wet splat noise as Serenity hits the ground, covered in tiger drool* "is THIS where you've been sneaking off too!? You little-!" *spots half his co-workers pets and at least a zoo's worth of divine wild animals*
*pinchs nose and he inhales deeply* Grant me strength. Really?
Like? It would be one thing if they were called to some sort Chosen Hero™. That HAPPENS sometimes. They just, you know, feel compelled to go make a fuss at them. Probably some order from On High. Universe itself saying *☆~spotlight~☆* "Behold! My blorbo!"
But this kid? (Cause really, EVERY mortal is a kid, when you're Divine. It's why human/divine relationships are so... Ick. Un-kosher. Layers upon Layers of WTF man. You were CENTURIES old when their GRANDPARENTS were barely zygote, how is this okay?) THIS kid? Looks so stressed.
Is like? You don't know... a tree? Mouse? What's the average for mortals?? IS she average? Or better? Worse??? You can't TELL! Why would you be able to TELL!? This is so completely not your department! You're a WAR GOD! You were ALREADY an outlier WHEN YOU WERE MORTAL!
You know, CENTURIES AGO!!!
Excuse you if you kinda forgot what "human average" is! You're a GOD now! Life's been BUSY! (No, no. Not mad at you, kid. Stop making that D:> face. You're not in trouble. Have, uuuuh, this.... *frantically searches pockets in only the way an adult trying to stop a child from crying can* Jerky! Yes! Have this jerky. Made of heavenly meats. It's good for you! Good for growing girls and all that. Ha ha...)
Tiger is in troooooouble. They have been buuuuusted.
(Bullying a CHILD. I can't believe it! How could you! You KNOW BETTER! *scold scold*) (*tigerly eye roll* what, he BROUGHT her meat! Isn't giving gifts when stopping by polite?)
And like? .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·. H-Her meditation caaaaaave! This was her ONE THING! Her de-stressing spot!! *is too stressed* *various Oh SHIT™!!! Panicked Facial Expressions.* (WHAT DID YOU DO!?)(WHAT DID I DO!? WHAT DO YOU DO!!?)
It's? Very much "accidental baby acquisition". Except the baby is a full grown adult, doesn't wanna be here, and just wants her Soothing Meditation Spot back. An Intense game of tug of war over The Chill. Her low key on going quest for some fucking Xanxia Weed, because motherfuckers ya'll gonna give her high blood pressure.
*stress meditates*
And just? High stakes adventures? Divine shenanigans? All going on put of her Sects sight? The only one who has even CLOSE to an inkling? Is the Sect Leader and he's just ".......*sips tea*.....*continues to watch out the window*....not my circus, technically my monkey. But if I ignore it... maybe it'll go away." *sips tea, slooooowly closes the curtains*
D:> Sect Leader! Noooooo! (Sometimes sacrifices have to be made, young one) But they're SO LOUD AND ANNOYING! I can't get anything doooooone! (Your sacrifice will not be in vain.) Noooooooooooooo! T^T
Do you think that she becomes sort of friends with some of the God's? Like, she keeps getting all of the Divine Beasts around her, at some point some of them gotta be like "Ah. It's that Walmart Cashier I like."
Like, small talk friends. Who just happen to be a God and a not quite mortal.
Closer to "The Walmart Cashier's Toddler Daughter, who my pet really likes." Like? Hey! It's that kid I keep seeing at the park! How's learning shapes, kiddo? Real hard? Ah... yeah, basic math IS tough. Don't worry, sweetie. You'll get it! Have a candy/sticker/head pat.
Theyre Heavenly Officials. They basicly deal with the Cultivation equivalent of advanced, practical, string theory/dark matter/nuclear physics etc. Super Mega Ultra EXTREME Nasa. But like.... you stuff's cool too! Very tough probably! They remember learning that, waaaaaay back. It was hard! So you're doing a Good Job 👍👍👍!
(Are they doing this right? They think they're doing this right. Kids are hard, man. How do you do a Positive Reinforcement?)(IDK. They don't understand shit. Use small words? Smile maybe? Use food.)
It's patronizing as fuck.
They don't MEAN to be. But like? They Ascended. Their frame of reference was screwed even BEFORE they left the mortal realm. No NORMAL person Ascends to Godhood. You gotta be either old af, thus wildly out of touch with The Youth, or some kind of Prodigal Freak Of Nature. (Non-judgmental, kinda affectionate honestly.)
And like? It's hard to really become friends with a baby? Cause what would you even TALK about. Her INCREDIBLY basic (to you) Cultivation practice? Your literally incomprehensible (to her) Divine Work? All the books she can never read? Cause they're in Heaven? Oh! Maybe you could SPAR! You know, with the INFANT.
It's like, you DO like the kid! She's sweet and even tempered. Diligent. But the divide between you is as vast, if not GREATER, then the divide between Immortal Cultivators and mortals. She can not comprehend you. You can not truely remember being so young, so very unimaginably small.
But! She sure is? Kinda daughter/granddaughter shaped?
You eat your veggies today, sweetheart? Take your nap? Let me check your homework. Who's a good kid? You are! Uncle brought you a fur coat! And a pretty ribbon for your hair! *rare, shining SSS grade materials dumped casually and a stone ledge to the side*
Like? Motherfucker... you're gonna get me Super Murder Mugged. Who in their right mind would wear these? *looks at the Heavenly Official, who is decked out in unspeakable Finery* ah... right. You. You would wear these.
Every last one of them? Thinks THEY are the Only Sane And Reasonable Adult Here™, all the OTHER officials are an embarrassment! Harrasing this innocent child. Unable to control their beasts. Unlike THEM. Who is taking control of the situation! And having their beast monitor the situation. I mean, see how stressed the kid is? Ffs, have they no SHAME?! That poor child!
Okay. But could you imagine if Ren finally cracks and prays to the Jade Emperor about this? Cause, like, not a good look for these God's that a "baby" prays to YOUR EMPORER that your being mean and stressing her out. She does not enjoy being the Heavens unofficial niece. (Crying koamoji here)
(Also, consider (;.;) looks like holding tiny fists up)
She a good niece! Quite, obedient, doesn't start wars with the demons! No pulling Forbidden Artifacts out of clearly marked vaults meant to store them! Portable! You can just hike her up under your arm like The Football.
Plus it's not like any of THEM are having kids. Are you kidding? More then half of them require Celibacy as part of their cultivation routes! The rest? *messy personal historys intensify* they don't wanna talk about it...
Look, no one gets to heaven without SOMEONE divorcing you. Being married to them or not be damned. Wars happen, guys. That arson probably wasn't even their fault. The palace was like that when they got there. >.>
And like? Do YOU want a troublemaking lil shit just like you? Or this nice, sweet, CALM and EVEN TEMPERED, lovely young cultivator? Hmmmmmm? A DELIGHT. Gem of her household! Didn't even have to give birth to her! Free real-estate I mean, Neice!
And like? Ffs. The Jade Emperor is an old man. Good. Kind. Profoundly dignified. But you children are driving him to drink. ( -_-) yes, yes, I'm sure the mortal you found is very nice.
Put Her Back.
You are distressing the local ecosystem. Cease. If you have this much free time, I can assure you. I CAN find more work for you. *the most TRAGEDIC faces you have EVER seen. As they put their Beloved Baby Niece "back"*
Aaaaaaaah~ peace at las-*crunch* *looks down at bowl* *someone has snuck a 7 Petals Divine Shining Lotus Xanxia McGuffin into her fucking rice porridge*
*two more are hastily crammed into her tea pot, barely fitting, very obviously glowing*
Mother fucker... are they trying to speed run her straight to Ascension? (I mean...what's a little snack between friends! Eat your "vegetables", sweetie! Good for growing girls! No alterer motive HERE! Ha ha... just some loving Uncles and Aunties... Stressed and going into Chill Baby Cuddles withdrawls) (this is CHEATING!) (WE'RE GODS. I HAVE SO MUCH PAPERWORK! If the Emperor says I can't go THERE, then so help me, I'M BRINGING MY BABY HERE!!!)
Spy vs divine spy shenanigans? Trying to avoid getting juiced? More likely then you think! Shortcuts lead to being a TINY fish, out in open ocean! NO THANKS! Slow and steady, slow and steady.
Now im just imagining that her sect thinks she started beefing with someone thats trying to poison her, hence checking all her food and drink, but nope! Its just the Gods trying to get their neice a fast pass into godhood.
Cause like? Here we are? Assuming our Reincarnated Children AREN'T living in Interesting Times™ before they die? And that's no fun~! We should be giving that kid anxiety! Some pre-packaged heart demons! Maybe a twitchy murder finger!
A deep, DEEP seated loathing for Demonic Cultivators and, specifically, their undead minions.
You picking up what I'm setting down? ( • ̀ω•́ )✧ yeah~, that's right!
Zombie Apocalypse.
OC got lucky, originally, was out in the middle of nowhere, camping. Yes... lucky. Oh so very, very "lucky". She had supplies. She had shelter. Everything she'd need for the coming days. Oh, and a front row seat... to watch as everything fell apart.
Got to sit, miles and miles away, and listen, over the phone. As her family sobbed and screamed. Terrified and confused. Chaos, wet gurgling and ripping. The crunching of broken things and mindless groaning in familiar voices. Yes... so very lucky.
She didn't have to watch it.
Just listen.
See the news stations fall, one by one, as cities were over run. Watch as news sites stop updating. As infrastructure starts to fail and her connection begins to get spotty. Then, inevitably, as figures start to shuffle along the horizon. Mindless and wandering.
Like everyone else who survives those first terrible days, there is a steep learning curve. One she barely survives. But... she does. And that matters. She makes friends. She watchs them die. Keeps her promise, made again and again, that they won't come back. That she won't let them hurt anyone.
Civilization falls, yes. But it comes back. It always has. She finds her way to a city state. Prays for the day that "the billions" will end. Cause, after all, they say that if they're careful? Eventually the infection WILL die out. They just gotta contain it. Keep looking for a cure.
Hope is a stubborn thing.
But zombie swarms don't care about hope. They hunger. And what is the city, if not a shell waiting to be cracked? Like tides, they come. Slamming against the walls. Again. Again. AGAIN.
One day... one of the fuckers finds some weak point they must have missed. A breach. They start pouring in. Oc is on wall duty. OUTER wall duty. There are rings, because things like this might happen and everyone planned for the worst.
She's part of the team that stays behind.
Trapped between the second wall and the outer wall, trying to drive them back. Seal the gap. Cover fire rains from above. Each step, a hair from nashing teeth and clawing hands. There are so many. So, so many.
Too many, in the end. At least for her.
She's separated from the group.
A death sentence.
So fast...she barely feels being torn apart.
It's strange. The sky was so blue that day. Beautiful, really. Felt out of place for hell on earth. It was the last thing she saw. Endless... so beautiful and endless. She... she had just enough time to realize what was about to happen. To think "ah...", feel this strange... calm, settle deep.
That it would finally all be over. To end like this.
How unfair.
Oh well... at least she get to-
Then she's fucking blinking and there's a GOD DAMN ZOMBIE.
Naturally, she hit it with a wok. She was unaware there WAS a wok near-by. And also? Why is she in a kitchen? Like... an OLD as fuck one? But also not old? Clearly used one. Feels vaugly like the ones people rigged up during the early days... but like... not. And also Chinese. Questions for later!
Wait. No. Why the FUCK is she a ZYGOTE?! *flexs tiny "baby" hands* *is actually like 8* Ah... so she's in hell. Well fuck you too, god. I guess.
There is a scared child scream.
Religious crisis later! Zombie smashing now! She finds one trying to claw into a cabinet. Smart kids! Trapped themselves, but still! Smart. Good to put a barrier between themselves and the zombie. She crushes its skull with the wok. Rescues her... sib..lings? Oooh that's a weird head rush.
Okay, not hell. God just thinks they're fuckin FUNNY. I see how it is.
Well I'm about to be hilarious. (New life motto:Get!)
OC proceeds to Experienced Zombie Fighter her way through several houses. Rescuing who she can. Calls a retreat. Gets everyone to a defensible location. Oh joy, back to the swewers. She did NOT miss this.
Turns out? Town is being attacked by a small Demonic Cultivator sect. They brought zombies.
She's about to bring pain. Who the FUCK weaponizes ZOMBIES. Wanna uses nukes for a fist fight next? You idiot!? You ABSOLUTE BAFOON?! Is setting aside that whole "cultivation sect" thing to freak out over later.
(What? Like her neighbors old web novels? Those Xanxia things that he loves to talk about? Misses like crazy cause no one can find any physical copies of stories like that, here in the west?)
(...could...could find.)
OC starts to fuckin Ambush Predator them. You learn to fight dirty, in the apocalypse. Cause there ARE bastards out there. And not everyone was willing to be a decent fuckin human being. You're "cultivation" or whatever isn't gonna do SHIT, if you're too concussion to use it!
Blow to the head! Slit the throat before they recover.
Move on to the next one.
Kill as many fuckin zombies as you can along the way.
It is AS she's doing this? Somebody just sorta? *Yoink* scruffs. This small, filthy, murderous child? Sassy and immediately tries to stab them? Good reflexs! Taking that knife though. It's clearly cursed. Who gave you that? Did you take that from one of the demonic cultivators? Honestly, next time just use a kitchen knife. You don't know where their knives have been!
Blinking, she stops struggling to actually look at the adult holding her in air jail.
Huh. Bright colors. Doesn't seem to be on Team Zombie. Better check. Oi! How do you feel about Zombies? "Utter abominations. A crime against the dead." Oh, hey~! A reasonable and well adjusted adult! Hi~☆! ( ^-^)/"
Is her complete 180 from vicious, seething, hell child to calm and agreeable young lady mildly off putting? Yes. But, meh. The Cultivator thinks it's kinda cute. He bets she bites. Adorable.
Him and HIS team are here to murder the Demonic Cultivators and purge the Zombies. Wanna come with him? You have a talent for killing things. And, you know, a spiritual root. Mostly the first one. A fine quality! Good for ALL sorts of terrible demonic nasties. I'm assuming your parents are dead?
....wow. You're really bad with kids.
So I've been told! Is that a yes?
Only if oc can either bring her siblings or, should they not have spiritual roots, you help her arrange something equally beneficial. And just like? Rest of his team? Find him calmly debating with this filthy, blood covered child? That he's just? Holding directing out in front of him at eye level by the back of her shirt?
She's just hanging there from his grip. He looks quitely thrilled.
Oh... oh no. Who let him around a child? He traumatizes children! Why IS THAT CHILD COVERED IN BLOOD!? Shixiong what have you DONE!? (Adopted! Presumably! This IS how one obtains children, right?) (NO!!!)
"Stop" is a funny way of saying "shit! Where is-!? OH GOD SHE'S ALREADY OVER THE WALLS!!" She has her lil rugsack clenched between her teeth, one leg already hiked over, and murder in them adorable lil eyes.
Death to zombies. ALL zombies.
She is... 👌a wee bit fanatical. Wanna see her fifty thousand "turn zombies and other undead into flaming ash" talismans? She's been practicing. (Creepily. At 1am. With REALLY intent eyes. Help, her roommates are scared.)
And these bugout bags? Oh they got EVERYTHING! No apocalypse is gonna catch HER off guard again! No sir! Ha ha! Trauma? What trauma? We don't acknowledge our trauma! That's how the zombies get'cha! *twitch*
And God do I want to name her Eve, just cause I want to be That Asshole Who Thinks She's Funny/Clever. But! I won't. Because my child would actually, no joke, find a way to kill me. So? Diana. For the moon Goddess/wonder woman. Cause her parents thought it was a Strong Name. But, of course, they'll INSIST that yes "like the princess >.> " if asked.
She definitely had the full "careful what you name your baby, something might be listening" experience. Cause like? You say you want a wild hunter Amazonian? Okay! Wish granted. Enjoy your kid.
But yes... pls stop leading feral bby, girls only, night hunts to purge the realm of The Undead Scurge. (No~™)
Her Shizun? No help. He's just *sips tea* well I GAVE her a knife. Told her to be safe. What more do you want from me? I already checked that she was wearing her jacket and had travel snacks. Honestly, it's like you think I'm negligent.
YEAH, KINDA. Don't let NOVICES go on NIGHT HUNTS! They'll FUCKING DIE! D:<
*sips* sounds fake. Are you sure you don't just suck at teaching?
You know that at some point there is a huge "All Hands On Deck That's A Fucking Undead Army" situation, and Diana is just gonna be
(☆.☆) DEATH TO THE UNDEAD!!!
Screams tiny child, holding a knife and a bag of "fuck undead" talismans
Would probably freak most humans out. But I imagine at least SOME demons hate undead too. So imagine your a demon, temporarily teaming with whatever human sects are nearby because, you know, undead army, and you see a Murder Child.
Oh my god... she's so precious? Look at her! Is that WAR PAINT on her wittle face??
And like? You know those rolls of cash? She's got a Rambo style X HARNESS of um in JUST "kill, murder, Super Death the undead" Talismans. There is what looks SUSPICIOUSLY like a "final fuck you" type dead man's switch BOMB talisman, painted on her torso and limbs.
Kid might be vaguely foaming at the mouth.
W-where did she get those Smiting The Undead swords?
Other Cultivators? Horrified. What sort of hyper specific, deeply fanatical, BULLSHIT?! This HAS to be personal, right?! Is she fuckin FERAL??!! But like? The demons? *cute thing spotted gasp* A Baby~♡!
Look at heeeeer~☆ guys! Guys!! Look! She's so feral! So murderous! Aaaaw~ what a healthy young child! I wish I had a kid like that... *pouts*
God she would get... SUCH an unhinged reputation? Remember like... NONE of it. Just a sort of ptsd flashback fever dream from hell. One moment she's rolling up, angry and scared, the next? Everything's over, she's COVERED in ash and missing chuncks of hair, possibly some baby teeth, and burned to fuck and back. Everything done but the pyres and weeping.
Like? YOU scrubbs disassociate. Get on her level. SHE left the entire fucking building and went on a gods damn zombie killing massacre. We are NOT the same.
But ALSO? And importantly? Diana is SO, SO shit at like... everything else.
Find that inner peace? I'm sorry, have we MET? Hi. I'm the kid who SURVIVED HELL ON EARTH. I got a FEW issues! Her heart demons have unionized, so they can better take turns, kicking her ass. Meditation is fucking impossible. Cause like? You want me to SIT STILL? Oblivious to my surroundings? Like a FREE MEAL? Ha ha! NOPE!
Hi, her middle name is Hypervigilance, nice to meet you.
Granted... the SECOND she beats all these inner demons? She's gonna be fucking unstoppable. But like? Every journey takes a different path. Her Shizun's not worried. Immortal DOES, after all, mean IMMORTAL. Take your time. Be patient.
Maybe stop stabbing people who suddenly open doors behind you,
Like? She IS trying. Trauma just runs deep. And she has to confront her first life to finally move on with her second. Grief, rage, and zombies. Survival after everyone else has left. Accepting your death only to be denied, leaving you not sure where to go from there.
Wondering when "It's finally over" starts. And she can start living.
Giving herself the permission to do so, dispite the grief.
Both Zombie Apocalypse stories and Cultivation stories are about trying to defy Fate. Trying to reclaim power, in the face of helplessness. So why NOT combine that? It would be amazing! At least, that's my hot take.
Consider, Minji. Something sets Diana off, but this time she goes quiet, still. Until her totally-not-a-dad teacher gets her to talk. And EVERYONE gets to hear about her first life. It's that point when she finally starts to heal. Like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound, but it's a start.
(Also I kinda want the typical Demon Vs Cumtivator thing to be a thing here, but Diana specifically has an extended emotionally adopted family that's like, 5 cultivators and 20 demons. They adore their little stabby child
See... you'd have to get her ROARING drunk first. Like, "afraid for her liver" drunk. And the only people willing to do THAT? Are usually demons. So like? Lil miss "we take our trauma, put it in the urn with all the OTHER dead friends and family we have, and BURY it. Dead things Stay Dead in this house. ^-^" does... not? Generally? Address her issues.
She WILL puke her guts out, curse the gods, and cry about them though? If you get her drunk. But she, like all Survivors Of The End™ subscribe to the school of "we don't talk about the shit you learn when someone's wasted". Cause they've ALL seen some shit. You mind your business.
But like? Demons? Have a very "that's rough, buddy. Wanna burn things about it?" *pours you another drink* approach to things. Very soothing actually! They could not care less! Reincarnation? Undead? You might be wearing a child's body like a meat suit?
Huh. Neat. Anyway, you want the rest of these wings, or....?
She fuckin loves these guys. No, shizun! She KNOWS they kidnapped her and got her, your technically a child Disciple, like... COMPLETELY sloshed! But she loves these guys! We're friiiiiends now! Ain't that right Demon Lord? *aggressively kicks at his shin with her lil baby foot, from where she's flat out drunk on the floor*
*he barely feels it. Cause it's like a kitten sneezing on him*
Yeah~, oh RIGHTEOUS Cultivator. We're FRIENDS now~ >:D *pointy, pointy bastardous smile. Just a REAL shit eating shark of a grin*
Her Shizun hates him. #HowDareYouBondWithMyBaby. That's HIS JOB! Did you do a EMOTIONAL VENERABLITY!? With his precious, feral, zombie slaughtering cabbage!? YOU WHORE! He'll kill you!!
There can only be ONE Shizun/Father Figure in this relationship! HIM!
Must he make it weird? Yes. Always. None of these fuckers are allowed to be normal. That wouldn't be funny. His Shixiong need to CONSTANTLY need to be smacking their foreheads and going "....perhaps you should rephrase that." "Why? What other meaning could what I said POSSIBLY have?" *considers if they want to sink the next 16 hours into explaining this* *...they do not* "never mind. You're fine."
He's the most brilliant dumbass alive. Social skills of a diseased wet rat. Good at what he does though! VERY good. But why... sweet merciful heavens, WHY? Would ANYONE think it's a good idea to let him DIRECTLY TEACH KIDS? Sect Leader(betrayed)!
(In his defense! He was in closed meditation! The lil fucker already adopted the kid by the time he got out! What was he SUPPOSED to do!? Rip the traumatized child AWAY from her new home, the SECOND it became stable?! He out played me with audacity!!)
But like? She is gonna? Be casually and unthinking be dropping Lore? And you KNOW everyone is gonna *slow, accusatory head turn, to Stare at the Demons* you mother fuckers.
Why? Does the child?? KNOW (deeply fucked up thing)!?
And they're just? >:D not denying SHIT. Cause this is funny! Yeah, MAYBE. They can't recall~! DID they teach Diana that thing? Who's to saaaay~! *mocking snickering*
God... at this point? I feel like? She's gonna stumble upon some "soothing hotspring" or other artifact? Experience the first true moments of actual, genuine Serenity and Calm in at least two decades... and just? Go into fucking shock. Like just DROP. Pass out. Her whole ass body is glued together with vigilance and stress. Bby no...
The healer peak/department is gonna lose its SHIT. She's like one long, slow, qi deviation. And they HATE it. Just GET IN THE HEART SOOTHING POOL! (No! It makes me feel funny!) Yeah! That's called CALM, YOU NEUROTIC LIL SHIT! GET IN!!!
After a few sessions in the heart soothing pool I kinda want Diana to go :o shit! I have/had siblings. I'ma be a good sister and find them.
*goes on a Journey where she somehow keeps finding undead and shitty people* *her new life siblings are like, a half hour walk away* how? How Diana. How do jeep doing this?
It's like some sort of deeply fucked up Protagonist Halo. She's a fuckin BLOODHOUND. If there is ANY possibility, at ANY POINT, there is/was/or COULD BE some undead bullshitery?
Guess who's right there? Like some sort of unhinged Xanxia Van Hellsing. With her twitchy Doomsday Prepper energy and alarming stock pile of... well, everything.
The DEMONS find her reasonable! She insists. THEY don't think her ideas on improving Sect security are "unhinged" or "a bit much"!! They LIKE her enthusiasm! Why can't you guys be more supportive?! D:>
I? Just also? REALLY want kids to love her. Cause she treats them like they're people, listens, takes their concerns Seriously™ (no matter how silly it might feel), etc? She makes them feel empowered and SAFE. Doesn't lie to them. Teaches them cool tricks every chance she gets.
All of which is a hold over. Because you never know when this moment is your last. And children are The Future™. Basically damn near all of um got orphaned, adopted, orphaned, adopted again, orphaned-. So forth and so on. The Undead took. It was what they DID. So? Everyone embraced the "it takes a village" mindset.
You don't have to love kids. You just have to protect them with your life. They are all we have left. Our only fucking chance at a future. A final defiance and fuck you to those undead bastards. We WILL live. We WILL come back from this. And those kids? WILL see a better tomorrow.
So you BETTER be nice to um. Patient.
We're all in hell together and they are very small.
The mindset carries over. She sneaks healthy snacks and constructive praise. Helps training when she can. Listens to worries and solves disputes. Gives kids knives. Teaches them the best ways to identify undead activity in the area and how to kill the-
DIANA!
What?! It's practical! They'll need to know this! (WHEN?!) Gosh, it's like you WANT them to be eaten. You can't coddle them forever, you know. (*Accusing, tiny stares* Shizun... why do you want us to be eaten? We need to know this Shizun. Are you trying to stop us from staying SAFE, Shizun?)
She's exactly as bad as her teacher. Yet somehow worse in knew, fun, and interesting ways! HE used to teach kids how to make EXPLOSIVES. Because "well, that's what they asked for. Am I not supposed to encourage learning?"
Thing is, if you can get her to teach literally anything other than "Zombie Apocalypse 101" then she'd be like, the perfect teacher for children. Despite being 8.
Consider, something happens to draw the Adults away, and little Diana takes charge. Somehow. (It's the decisiveness. When facing The Billions you can't hesitate for a second or you die)
Also, consider, they have to take their most competent disciples to some event (like the immortal conference from SVSSS) so you have this group of (appearance wise) late teen to early adulthood cultivators. And a child? Why is a child here? (She heard there might be undead. Let Her At Them)
What, you want us to leave her UNSUPERVISED? "She has a Shizun" yeah! We know what we said! Of course they brought her! Granted, the reason SHE agreed to come? If she doesn't trust large gatherings like this. Too vulnerable. That's how most people died, early on. Concerts, emergency shelters, hospitals.
Plus? Where are all the guards! The defensive perimeters! What's this "tournament" bullshit?! Are you seriously telling her you dragged her ass ALL the way out here just for you fucklenuts to have a dick measuring contest?! *horrified looks at the cursing 8yr old* *pained sigh from sect leadership*
Somehow, actually, yes. There IS a zombie. And she Feral Wolverine Child's it. Her fucked up apocalypse halo remains unchallenged, much to the slowly growing concern of her Sect. Cause like...this is just statically unlikely!
Of course, some assholes are snide.
But? *the dead silence of doom* *slow, in sync, head turn of What Did You Just Say™?* ha ha... they're sorry. For a second there... is almost sounded like you insulted their fucked up little nightmare child. Ha ha! But THAT can't be! Because no one would be dumb enough to do that!
That is THEIR ungodly headache. Yes, they basicly fished her out of a dumpster, and yes, she has ALL the problems. But that's THEIR horrible nightmare child. They committed to this and by the heavens they DO NOT go back on their word! You DO NOT get to insult their sect mate! She's trying very hard! Doing... better...ish!
Regardless!
Prepare to EAT YOUR OWN KNEECAPS, YOU FUCK! *xanxia violence*
Meanwhile? Diana is infecting the other children with her "no, but really, you gotta be prepared for everything. ESPECIALLY the undead" mentality. She's already handed out knives. Those sweet, gentle, future jade beauties? Not anymore! Hyper competent, paranoid weirdos in the making! Just like big sis! She's so proud of her lil survivors~☆
(And she really is kinda surprised by how much she gets away with. Back before, EVERYBODY talked and acted like her. Hesitation killed. You sorta HAD to act like you always had the right to be where you were and doing what you were doing 24/7. Any one of us, could at ANY TIME, suddenly find our selves in charge of the group. Wether we like it or not.
Zombies take. Don't give a shit about "not ready to lead".
Now she's getting away with shit and bossing around people way older then her physically? Like? C'mon, guys. You're failing the assignment.)
We know what the human cultivators think of diana (a batshit insane zombie killing child), but what do the zombie raisers think of her? I also totally see her devloping a crossbow and anti zombie talismans like, taped to the tip of the arrows, because why risk getting in close and bit and swarmed to death when you have access to ranged weapons that still instantly kill the zombies.
Cause like? Here we are? Assuming our Reincarnated Children AREN'T living in Interesting Times™ before they die? And that's no fun~! We should be giving that kid anxiety! Some pre-packaged heart demons! Maybe a twitchy murder finger!
A deep, DEEP seated loathing for Demonic Cultivators and, specifically, their undead minions.
You picking up what I'm setting down? ( • ̀ω•́ )✧ yeah~, that's right!
Zombie Apocalypse.
OC got lucky, originally, was out in the middle of nowhere, camping. Yes... lucky. Oh so very, very "lucky". She had supplies. She had shelter. Everything she'd need for the coming days. Oh, and a front row seat... to watch as everything fell apart.
Got to sit, miles and miles away, and listen, over the phone. As her family sobbed and screamed. Terrified and confused. Chaos, wet gurgling and ripping. The crunching of broken things and mindless groaning in familiar voices. Yes... so very lucky.
She didn't have to watch it.
Just listen.
See the news stations fall, one by one, as cities were over run. Watch as news sites stop updating. As infrastructure starts to fail and her connection begins to get spotty. Then, inevitably, as figures start to shuffle along the horizon. Mindless and wandering.
Like everyone else who survives those first terrible days, there is a steep learning curve. One she barely survives. But... she does. And that matters. She makes friends. She watchs them die. Keeps her promise, made again and again, that they won't come back. That she won't let them hurt anyone.
Civilization falls, yes. But it comes back. It always has. She finds her way to a city state. Prays for the day that "the billions" will end. Cause, after all, they say that if they're careful? Eventually the infection WILL die out. They just gotta contain it. Keep looking for a cure.
Hope is a stubborn thing.
But zombie swarms don't care about hope. They hunger. And what is the city, if not a shell waiting to be cracked? Like tides, they come. Slamming against the walls. Again. Again. AGAIN.
One day... one of the fuckers finds some weak point they must have missed. A breach. They start pouring in. Oc is on wall duty. OUTER wall duty. There are rings, because things like this might happen and everyone planned for the worst.
She's part of the team that stays behind.
Trapped between the second wall and the outer wall, trying to drive them back. Seal the gap. Cover fire rains from above. Each step, a hair from nashing teeth and clawing hands. There are so many. So, so many.
Too many, in the end. At least for her.
She's separated from the group.
A death sentence.
So fast...she barely feels being torn apart.
It's strange. The sky was so blue that day. Beautiful, really. Felt out of place for hell on earth. It was the last thing she saw. Endless... so beautiful and endless. She... she had just enough time to realize what was about to happen. To think "ah...", feel this strange... calm, settle deep.
That it would finally all be over. To end like this.
How unfair.
Oh well... at least she get to-
Then she's fucking blinking and there's a GOD DAMN ZOMBIE.
Naturally, she hit it with a wok. She was unaware there WAS a wok near-by. And also? Why is she in a kitchen? Like... an OLD as fuck one? But also not old? Clearly used one. Feels vaugly like the ones people rigged up during the early days... but like... not. And also Chinese. Questions for later!
Wait. No. Why the FUCK is she a ZYGOTE?! *flexs tiny "baby" hands* *is actually like 8* Ah... so she's in hell. Well fuck you too, god. I guess.
There is a scared child scream.
Religious crisis later! Zombie smashing now! She finds one trying to claw into a cabinet. Smart kids! Trapped themselves, but still! Smart. Good to put a barrier between themselves and the zombie. She crushes its skull with the wok. Rescues her... sib..lings? Oooh that's a weird head rush.
Okay, not hell. God just thinks they're fuckin FUNNY. I see how it is.
Well I'm about to be hilarious. (New life motto:Get!)
OC proceeds to Experienced Zombie Fighter her way through several houses. Rescuing who she can. Calls a retreat. Gets everyone to a defensible location. Oh joy, back to the swewers. She did NOT miss this.
Turns out? Town is being attacked by a small Demonic Cultivator sect. They brought zombies.
She's about to bring pain. Who the FUCK weaponizes ZOMBIES. Wanna uses nukes for a fist fight next? You idiot!? You ABSOLUTE BAFOON?! Is setting aside that whole "cultivation sect" thing to freak out over later.
(What? Like her neighbors old web novels? Those Xanxia things that he loves to talk about? Misses like crazy cause no one can find any physical copies of stories like that, here in the west?)
(...could...could find.)
OC starts to fuckin Ambush Predator them. You learn to fight dirty, in the apocalypse. Cause there ARE bastards out there. And not everyone was willing to be a decent fuckin human being. You're "cultivation" or whatever isn't gonna do SHIT, if you're too concussion to use it!
Blow to the head! Slit the throat before they recover.
Move on to the next one.
Kill as many fuckin zombies as you can along the way.
It is AS she's doing this? Somebody just sorta? *Yoink* scruffs. This small, filthy, murderous child? Sassy and immediately tries to stab them? Good reflexs! Taking that knife though. It's clearly cursed. Who gave you that? Did you take that from one of the demonic cultivators? Honestly, next time just use a kitchen knife. You don't know where their knives have been!
Blinking, she stops struggling to actually look at the adult holding her in air jail.
Huh. Bright colors. Doesn't seem to be on Team Zombie. Better check. Oi! How do you feel about Zombies? "Utter abominations. A crime against the dead." Oh, hey~! A reasonable and well adjusted adult! Hi~☆! ( ^-^)/"
Is her complete 180 from vicious, seething, hell child to calm and agreeable young lady mildly off putting? Yes. But, meh. The Cultivator thinks it's kinda cute. He bets she bites. Adorable.
Him and HIS team are here to murder the Demonic Cultivators and purge the Zombies. Wanna come with him? You have a talent for killing things. And, you know, a spiritual root. Mostly the first one. A fine quality! Good for ALL sorts of terrible demonic nasties. I'm assuming your parents are dead?
....wow. You're really bad with kids.
So I've been told! Is that a yes?
Only if oc can either bring her siblings or, should they not have spiritual roots, you help her arrange something equally beneficial. And just like? Rest of his team? Find him calmly debating with this filthy, blood covered child? That he's just? Holding directing out in front of him at eye level by the back of her shirt?
She's just hanging there from his grip. He looks quitely thrilled.
Oh... oh no. Who let him around a child? He traumatizes children! Why IS THAT CHILD COVERED IN BLOOD!? Shixiong what have you DONE!? (Adopted! Presumably! This IS how one obtains children, right?) (NO!!!)
She would probably be apalled at the lack of defenses at the sects mountain, especially if they dont have any lookouts or other early warning systems, and also probably rather confused on why their willingingly fighting zombies with swords and shit, dont they know that being in melee range is practically a death sentence?
Indeed, their very survival? Hinges in their opponents acting with selfishness.
Acting without Trust in the Force and Fear of Death. Not facing them with absolute serenity. At peace, with the knowledge that their actions will resulted in a Greater Good. You know... like Jedi.
Terrifying, Terrifying Jedi.
Not the PG, made friendly for the masses, kind. But the? Shows up out of nowhere, to lead a violent coup, and free us all for 1000 years of Slavery kind. The?? "Meh. Guess I'll die then. See you all in the Force." Kind.
You know... the way they GET? When the Force is leaning on them? To DO something? Is sorta just.... taking their fear. Their worries. Speedrunning their "end of life" grieving process. And they get... that... that frankly DEEPLY alarming Spark Of Serene Madness in their eyes.
Cause their survival instincts have shut off.
Reason I'm bringing this UP? Is because I genuinely? Don't think The Sith remember or understand? That Jedi sometimes just... pop off. Go Rouge. They cock their heads to the side, as the Force whispers, and something inside them... settles. Goes quite.
Because no one else was LISTENING. The time for talking has passed. Action must be taken and will not be. So?
It is the Will Of The Force.
Giving yourself up to something greater then yourself. TRUSTING that this is RIGHT, even if you can't see HOW, and will not live long enough to see the end results. For the greater good of everyone. For everything you vowed to protect. The Force is telling you to so something. And you? You Have Faith.
So you cut down a world leader. Carry a bomb where it should not be. Sabotage the ship you're on. No warning, no lead up, no great plots. And most importantly?
No time to stop you.
If you tried and tried, yet failed to make them listen? If the Force itself is COMMANDING you act? If you have died before and know that it is not as frightening as everyone fears? Then what can you do? But cut through all the fluff and nonsense of plotting and schemes? Of "what if's" and "could be's"?
Trust that this is necessary. Trust in those who follow. In the Force.
Okay but considering the Force has hands in luck (it’s more fundamental physics aspects) and the bodies microbiome (the midochlorine aspects) I bet that it would be trackable to an extent, the Force forcibly shutting down any fear receptors and as much stress production as possible, leaving them serene, as close to emotionless as is possible while stuck in a meat suit and knowing what they’re about to do is right. We see the Jedi use the force to manipulate other people’s minds after all, why not their own?
To the Jedi it’s known, it’s understood, it’s simply the Force talking to them and helping them make that push and do what’s right for the future.
To everyone else? That cult fucker just got basically possessed by some unknowable sentient(?) cosmic force and made them kill a politician!
Just love the idea of the Jedi seeing it all as harmony with the universe and doing what’s needed while the rest of the galaxy is piecing together thousands of years of history to realize a core part of the galaxy has been an ancient eldritch cult, one that’s apparently fighting an even more dangerous cult that’s either following the same god or some dark version of their diety. And finding out that everyone has midochlorines or that particularly force sensitive people just show up at their doors for initiation isn’t gonna help matters.
It should be one of those Terrifying Rumors? That? Surely isn't true? Like the baby snatching thing.
Except? Just like that rumor? It's all founded on "well... yes but no. We actually DO sometimes do that." (Cause like? What? Are YOU gonna let a toddler be burned at the stake? Sold as a slave? Nope! Yoink! Run.) And, yeah, sometimes one of them just... Goes Serene. At one with the universe.
Feels the call of the Force.
They are in the right place to make a DIFFERENCE. To change things for the BETTER. And, yes, we will weep. Because we will miss them. But we will smile too... because we understand. Will see them again. We are One With The Force and the Force is One With Us.
......like? That great n all, my dude. But uuuuh... your buddy just shot the tyrant god king. We're gonna need more explanation then that.
Meanwhile the Mandalorians are all shouting "WE TOLD YOU THEM FUCKS WERE CRAZY!" like? NOT HELPFUL!
Also not helpful? Is OTHER Sects chiming in? Going "Ah, yes, the unknowable magic we all worship. Yes. It DOES do that sometimes, doesn't it? This is rather larger then usual. Wonder what he DID to set this off?" Like??
This child MURDERED THE CHANCELLOR. For apparently NO REASON. And is now serenely waiting to die like a possessed doll! You're telling us this is just A THING?! Why do we all-? *is interrupted, in terrifying stereo*
Because you literally do not get a say in the matter, Mx. Xie'tttrp.
Probably wasn't where you were going with this but after reading that line I'm struck by the thought of Mandalorians that like, have a much better concept of what Force Users are capable of than the average person.
(In my head, Force Sensitive is an ability, it's the bit you're born with. Force User is what you become by training. But that's just me).
This isn't the Mandalorians "getting" how the Jedi work, though it does come with a healthy dose of Respect For Competence among some, but they are very aware of how dangerous the Jedi are capable of being. They've spent a VERY long time fighting the Jedi and they might not understand their culture any better than the rest of their galaxy but they do understand the potential threat.
It's like a weapon! Right? ......probably. They're MOSTLY sure it is. Regardless? What Mandalorian DOESNT both know and respect the nature of A Dangerous Beast or Weapon™? Know thine enemy etc etc.
The cultural bits they flip through, but the Kung-fu Action "can punch through stone"? THAT they've studied!
Thats giving me the mental image of back when the mandalorians were more organized and stuff that they had a mandolorian training academy or something and one of the classes being jedi fighting 101 and it isnt what youd expect of the class teaching you how to fight jedi, no its about studying, documenting, discussing and discovering jedi fighting styles, and i imagine the debates would be even more fierce then you would expect from a bunch of mandolorians.
Indeed, their very survival? Hinges in their opponents acting with selfishness.
Acting without Trust in the Force and Fear of Death. Not facing them with absolute serenity. At peace, with the knowledge that their actions will resulted in a Greater Good. You know... like Jedi.
Terrifying, Terrifying Jedi.
Not the PG, made friendly for the masses, kind. But the? Shows up out of nowhere, to lead a violent coup, and free us all for 1000 years of Slavery kind. The?? "Meh. Guess I'll die then. See you all in the Force." Kind.
You know... the way they GET? When the Force is leaning on them? To DO something? Is sorta just.... taking their fear. Their worries. Speedrunning their "end of life" grieving process. And they get... that... that frankly DEEPLY alarming Spark Of Serene Madness in their eyes.
Cause their survival instincts have shut off.
Reason I'm bringing this UP? Is because I genuinely? Don't think The Sith remember or understand? That Jedi sometimes just... pop off. Go Rouge. They cock their heads to the side, as the Force whispers, and something inside them... settles. Goes quite.
Because no one else was LISTENING. The time for talking has passed. Action must be taken and will not be. So?
It is the Will Of The Force.
Giving yourself up to something greater then yourself. TRUSTING that this is RIGHT, even if you can't see HOW, and will not live long enough to see the end results. For the greater good of everyone. For everything you vowed to protect. The Force is telling you to so something. And you? You Have Faith.
So you cut down a world leader. Carry a bomb where it should not be. Sabotage the ship you're on. No warning, no lead up, no great plots. And most importantly?
No time to stop you.
If you tried and tried, yet failed to make them listen? If the Force itself is COMMANDING you act? If you have died before and know that it is not as frightening as everyone fears? Then what can you do? But cut through all the fluff and nonsense of plotting and schemes? Of "what if's" and "could be's"?
Trust that this is necessary. Trust in those who follow. In the Force.
Okay but considering the Force has hands in luck (it’s more fundamental physics aspects) and the bodies microbiome (the midochlorine aspects) I bet that it would be trackable to an extent, the Force forcibly shutting down any fear receptors and as much stress production as possible, leaving them serene, as close to emotionless as is possible while stuck in a meat suit and knowing what they’re about to do is right. We see the Jedi use the force to manipulate other people’s minds after all, why not their own?
To the Jedi it’s known, it’s understood, it’s simply the Force talking to them and helping them make that push and do what’s right for the future.
To everyone else? That cult fucker just got basically possessed by some unknowable sentient(?) cosmic force and made them kill a politician!
Just love the idea of the Jedi seeing it all as harmony with the universe and doing what’s needed while the rest of the galaxy is piecing together thousands of years of history to realize a core part of the galaxy has been an ancient eldritch cult, one that’s apparently fighting an even more dangerous cult that’s either following the same god or some dark version of their diety. And finding out that everyone has midochlorines or that particularly force sensitive people just show up at their doors for initiation isn’t gonna help matters.
It should be one of those Terrifying Rumors? That? Surely isn't true? Like the baby snatching thing.
Except? Just like that rumor? It's all founded on "well... yes but no. We actually DO sometimes do that." (Cause like? What? Are YOU gonna let a toddler be burned at the stake? Sold as a slave? Nope! Yoink! Run.) And, yeah, sometimes one of them just... Goes Serene. At one with the universe.
Feels the call of the Force.
They are in the right place to make a DIFFERENCE. To change things for the BETTER. And, yes, we will weep. Because we will miss them. But we will smile too... because we understand. Will see them again. We are One With The Force and the Force is One With Us.
......like? That great n all, my dude. But uuuuh... your buddy just shot the tyrant god king. We're gonna need more explanation then that.
Meanwhile the Mandalorians are all shouting "WE TOLD YOU THEM FUCKS WERE CRAZY!" like? NOT HELPFUL!
Also not helpful? Is OTHER Sects chiming in? Going "Ah, yes, the unknowable magic we all worship. Yes. It DOES do that sometimes, doesn't it? This is rather larger then usual. Wonder what he DID to set this off?" Like??
This child MURDERED THE CHANCELLOR. For apparently NO REASON. And is now serenely waiting to die like a possessed doll! You're telling us this is just A THING?! Why do we all-? *is interrupted, in terrifying stereo*
Because you literally do not get a say in the matter, Mx. Xie'tttrp.
The fact you mentioned a child just makes me think that anakin saw palpatine and just kinda, completely calmly stopped whatever he was doing, and snapped Palpatines neck with the force, just like one second Palpatine is thinking about how to further manipulate anakin and the next hes beeing chucked into the sith hells like a slam dunk. With anakin having the same level of energy as "dad said i need to stop talking to you."
You know what would be and always is fascinating/interesting/hilarious? For want of a nail type, "tiny change or little action spiral into great and sweeping change" type fics! ESPECIALLY when combined with my dearly beloved Self Insert troupe!
Because? I DO so love the Self Insert! Not so much for the "I can fix it" or power fantasy, as the ability to wander... a stranger in a strange land. Both familiar yet removed. Known to us yet... not. The major actors, major events, certainly. But the lives of the average person?
The noodle shop owner? The ship salesman? A janitor?
We know nothing about this strange new world from their point of view. What secrets can be found in this or that little shop, well off the common path. And it is FASCINATING! Especially if the Insert wasn't particularly FAMILIAR with the source material. Knew enough to get by, perhaps, too know they are in danger... but not enough to twist events to their favor. Assuming they even had the type of personality to TRY such things.
No, no...
What I? Want to see?
What I think would be FASCINATING?
Is a TRUE carry over. Adult mind to adult mind. Someone settled in their ways. Not bold and terribly adventurous, not willing to recklessly seek out danger and pain. No. They know they are going to die. They know they HAVE died. They are now a Jedi. And can feel the Force... and?
It just... helps.
They let go. Yes, perhaps some plans to protect the younglings. If they can. But their ultimately IS no death, only the Force. It is scary, they acknowledge, frightening even. But they... find calm. Acceptance.
They meditate. Open themselves up to the Force and give up their worry and fears, their regrets. All the terrible burdens they brought with them from their past life. It's honestly a bittersweet sort of relief. Ironic, that such a troubled age should be their most peaceful.
Of course... opening yourself up like that? Reaching out so deeply and with such conviction? It's like painting a "hey! I'm right here! I'm definitely going to listen if you say something to me!" Sign on your forehead, where the Force can see it.
So? It DOES.
But unlike Anikin? The Insert isn't a Fighter. So the Force doesn't tell them to fight. After all, every part has its place in the grand machine of Life. Every actor their place on the stage. Sometimes? To change the galaxy? All you need is someone to be on the right planet, at the right time, ready to hold a door open for the right person.
And that's it.
Not everything needs be grand sweeping actions. It can, instead, be the quiet drip drip drip of medicine applied behind a Sith Lord's back. To undo the damage he has wrought. So when comes the time for his plans to unfold? He does NOT find the support he was counting on to succeed. Instead he finds resistance.
But HOW? How would such a thing be DONE? By a YOUNGLING no less?
A youth with no power? Be it social, political, or physical? AND beneath the Sith Lord's very nose? Without being STOPPED? With said youngling being KILLED? Quite simply! Easily, in fact! By embracing the purest of the Light!
Fun.
Who among us, does NOT know of the parasocial relationship? The feeling of knowing someone, considering them "good" and "something like a friend" dispite never once having spoken to them? Being FOND of them? Wouldn't YOU not defend them? If someone sought to HURT them? KILL them? You KNOW them so very WELL don't you? This person speaks LIES about them!
And what of the Adorable Youngling? Small and Cute? Look at their little cheeks and tiny hands! How precious! Why, we have watched them GROW! They are practically family!
But where does the FUN I speak of come into this? Simple. The Holonet. Crechemaster's trying to corral an adult in the body of a child. The Insert is BORED. At peace, yes. But you can really only meditate so many hours of the day. Lessons only take up so much and class work the same. They aren't at an age where the SERIOUS lessons begin yet.
So they have too much free time.
..........have you heard about "Video Game #55? It's apparently got more Video AND Game then ever!" Intriguing~ But, oh. Playing it ALONE it BORING. And playing with... well, INFANTS, is... an exercise in patience. Plus it's probably not appropriate for them. Hmmmmm..... you KNOW.... Insert really DOES miss? Watching Let's Plays over breakfast/lunch...
They've never MADE one... but they know they general script and idea? And for Some Reason? It feels like a GREAT way to pass the time! Yeah! Let's do THAT! And so the Force nudges. Tiny. Seemingly inconsequential. The Master's try to shut it down, Insert is stubborn and refuses, they talk it out. Because they are Jedi and authoritarian force is not their way. Is it frustrating? Perhaps. But the only cure for ignorance is knowledge.
They ultimately compromise. Insert get to keep their little game thing, THEY make sure Insert is compromising Temple security, putting themselves in danger, talking to dubious strangers, or other such perils. It is? A FASCINATING view into the secretive world of the Mysterious Jedi for most of the galaxy. All lead by an adorable Youngling playing games.
Of course, such a silly, ridiculous thing is BENEATH Palpatine's concern. Fun and games? Not even formal or official ones? The child doesn't even represent the jedi. They represent no one. Clearly not a threat, right?
WRONG.
Because one game? Leads to another. Leads to being recommended another. Leads to "hey check out this music". Leads to "how was your day?" Leads to chatting about Jedi philosophy... as simplified for small children. Easy to understand and then complained over like it's maths homework. And... huh.
You guys really liked when I talked about X? Well, I don't know much about it... buuut? I could probably FIND someone or go to the archives? Make a video? I'll make a poll. Vote down below?
Untouchable and distant? Nah. Jedi play "Crafting Game 73" and whine about their Crechemates being JERKS for eating the last dessert. Jedi, in their head's, are small adorable younglings and the amused adults meditating the back ground who watch over them. EVERYONE knows the Jedi. The Jedi are on our datapads. Are our friends. We've totally met them.
Parasocial relationships.
Or maybe that's just me? I just... God I REALLY want to see how they'd react to a initiate who just? Won't stop fuckin making Let's Plays of all things. Just? WHY. HOW? WHY AND HOW?! No, NO don't you shrug at me and run of, youngling! Get back here! What "skill issue"? Which skill? Initiate!!!
Consider! Somehow they get an old Jedi Master to play a silly game on stream for some charity or other. So now the idea of Jedi is including what would basically be a space monk playing games with a child. How is that a Big Scary Threat, Chancellor?
....Yoda would DELIGHT at the Space Equivalent of the goose game. Oh ho ho! We are a mischievous animal? Doing harmless tasks? Much to the frustration and confusion of those around us? They should meditate! Steal their boot I do! *sounds of excited cheering and shouted recommendations from various 5 year olds*
He is, as the kids say, bonding with the youthful generation! Mmmm, yes. He supports this.
But also? Imagine the soothing, meditative games? Like "here is a sandbox, build the Perfect Garden from all these scanned plants from across the galaxy" type games. Imagine watching these esteemed Jedi Masters LOSING THEIR SHIT over it.
The single most soothing thing you've ever listened too. Some little old man. Quietly thrilled about the chance to make an impossible dream garden. On hour ten thousand or something on the side channel where they post the long streams.
It's the most beautiful garden you've even seen.
You feel compelled to call your mother. Have had several deep, soul searching revelations about yourself. Framed in the metaphor of plants and gardening. Have decided to become a better person. Quite your job. Go back to college. All of it.
One video over? A retired Jedi that looks like he could eat lesser men, is stone faced playing through the galaxies most frightening horror games. Pfff. This has nothing on [REDACTED]. There's not even any-(J'ONN, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT! CHILDREN MIGHT BE WATCHING THIS!) If there are, then their gaurdians are negligent and we have greater concerns at hand then what's coming out of MY mouth. Honestly.
All the while, Insert is trying and failing to get their character to just... just JUMP ON THE LEDGE. Come on! It's RIGHT THERE! Noooo! Commander Tooka you're supposed to have "the greatest reflexes in the galaxy"! How are you failing to grab a LEDGE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE? D:> *death screen noises*
You know, when it was just Insert they probably could’ve been taken down, quite easily actually. Anyone who would’ve noticed would chalk it up to small kid getting bored. Now that it’s Spread? Hundreds, likely thousands of people that are filling tons of Internet personality-game niches single handedly? People are gonna notice if something happens to them.
Weather through laws, wars, or other means a strike at the Jedi isn’t some nebulous “empire’s gonna empire”, that’s happening to someone you KNOW, someone Lots Of People know. And now that the Jedi are connected to the larger world? They can mention the details of what’s going on. Even simple stuff like restricting what’s sold to Jedi and in what quantities is able to spark Massive controversy. Sith can’t even try to make them out to be “scary nebulous terrorist organization” cause people have Watched them, likely backed up lots of their favorite stuff considering the sheer population of the Star Worlds universe
And of course the longer this goes on the worse it gets
Exactly! Cause like? Imagine your favorite youtuber getting DRAFTED. Watching them slowly get more and more stressed. Their updates getting rarer. And then suddenly...
"In Mempry Of ____"
"In Memory Of ____"
"In Memory Of ____"
Again and again and AGAIN. Possibly survived by tear stained Padawan. Who are trying so, SO hard to be brave. Who felt that people should KNOW that their Master did NOT abandon them. And did, in fact, REALLY want to be there! They... t-they are very sorry... *sobs into a clone troopers arms*
Not so distant NOW, is it? Whole lot of pressure to Go Help Them, isn't there? Surely.. SURELY! WE can build droids! Why are WE not building droids to go reinforce them? Or training troops? Jedi are MONKS! Peace keepers!
Why are you shoving blasters in the hands of DIPLOMATS and telling them to go fight?!
Plus? The Holonet is forever. Their faces are immortal now. The jedi are not some secret cult. They're ForceGaming23. People can buy plushies. The proceeds go to charities. All the merch does! AND they hire exclusively down on their luck individuals to help lift up communities!
Because they're Kriffing JEDI.
Like? You could be in the middle of karking NO WHERE? And a long suffering looking mandolorian taps you on the shoulder, points down at their ade, and? Yep. Kid's holding up a plush of you with a look on his lil face like he's DARING you to say something about it. Radiating awe and embarrassment.
He wants it signed.
By you... a jedi.
Well, all right then. Cause he was a fan of your speed run of that fighting game. You mostly made fun of it for being unrealistic. The sound they used for throwing people through walls was WAY off. Half the heavy ordinance, too.
Im thinking of the clones getting involved too, like squads or batchs doing group lets plays when they have the time bantering with eachother the whole time, just fueling that idea of "no, these arnt some nameless faceless soldiers! Thats gary the holo streamer!"
Here I was, sittin', thinkin', pondering my thoughts. Thing to myself? "How could one? Presumably female, much like myself, Jedi repopul-" and THAT is when my brain, worn and weary, from years of The Internet? SLAMMED its fucking pint down on the bar counter, turned to me with an ugly scowl and sneered?
"You KNOW fucking how. Don't be coy."
( O.O) w-well alright then, brain. Little aggressive. Kinda wondering where you got the knife. I... I'ma just... go... *pint glass is thrown after me, shattering on the door as it just barely misses*
So! Yeah. Birth, probably. But STILL! That's like? Still ONE(1) fuckin Jedi right? And even IF Mr. "I am literally half midi-chlorians by blood" sired two Force Sensitives on his first go? That's no guarantee EVERYONE does?
Unless..... >.> we are taking into account a Force Sensitive RACE. THEN? Oh, THEN? It's not a matter of IF, but HOW MUCH. Enough to hit that arbitrary cut off point? What if you don't care? What if you say "everybody can be a Jedi"? Want to TRUELY spread the Light. Not just to those who are STRONG enough... but to EVERYONE.
There are a few races like that! But! That STILL? Doesn't solve the Puzzle! The Problem! Of how could One(1) VERY determined Jedi lady, who? Presumably is pretty cool with motherhood. Rebuild The Jedi Order, by NOPING™ out before Order 66.
Again, presumably AFTER taking on the role of Creche Master. And AFTER taking all the youngling on a Super Fun Unplanned Don't Tell The Other Grown Ups Suprise Feild Trip~☆ (yaaaaay!)(who wants snacks! Everybody got their travel bags and buddies? Let's gooooo~☆!)
Cause like? Still need a stable population. And enough Jedi to *obscene gestures multiculturally* at the Sith.
My? Proposal? We turn to the Wisdom of the Monster Fuckers. (Wait wait WAIT! Don't leave! HEAR ME OUT!) I KNOW this sounds like a sex thing! Not a sex thing! It's a "Who said Humanoid Meant Live Birth? Were fucking Aliens, Bro" thing! Just because? Our SI-OC? Was reborn AS a vaguely human shaped sentient?
DOESNT MEAN SHE'S A MAMMAL.
That weird hair color could mark her as some WEIRD, man! Fuck, for all we know she could be a fungus! It's vaguely body horror! You get over it! Adapt to new biology!
Learn?? You lay CLUTCHS. Fuckin EGGS. All baby making is external after the first bit. Something, something, easier to defend against predators. SI-OC doesn't remember that part. There was this high pitched ringing in her head then a thump. She was on the floor. May have fainted. What're you, a cop?
They offer her weird alien birth control.
She takes the birth control.
Learns she is a Rare and Near Extinct Species, a la Master Mundi. Learns it's VERY detrimental to her health to lay clutches. Takes a lot of resources, she can't LEAVE it, so with out a partner or community (or sufficient hoard of food) she WILL starve to death. It HAS happened.
No, seriously, look Mafame Che in the eyes. It HAS happened. And no you CAN'T "push your impulses into the Force". It's a biological imperative. Your body physically won't LET you.
Exactly three options. Babies born, they die, or YOU DIE.
......little intense. Got it. Yes she would like that birth control. She will continue to be both average and forgettable. Pay no attention to the Jedi Creche Master In Training! Oh look! It's kenobi! *yeets fellow jedi under the speeder*
Take some.... research trips >.> <.< >.> which is of course totally not scouting out new Temple locations! To the Wild Zone. Mmmmm, no one for WEEKS by hyperdrive! It's so calm out here!
Only took, like, 278 different planets scouted! To find the right one.
*starts building dwellings.* *starts directing "too old" Force Sensitives or Families that want to stay together and are willing to move, towards the location.*
New secret Jedi planet? Whaaaaat? Nooooooo. That would be illegal. Jedi can't break RULES! Don't be silly. Oh? Is that Skywalker? *same Speeder, new jedi. YEET!*
But WAIT! The War Approachth! D:> upsetting. Better get ready to give that "we totally need to Hide The Babies For War Reasons" presentation she has prepared. But FIRST?
A clutch. Got a transport pod ready to go. Got food stockpiled. Got the birth control out. Now? Just need a male! Too uh... contribute.
.......look, she wants her legion of tiny jedi babies okay? They glow like STARS. Everything is BETTER with them around. And she's kinda come around to this whole... disgusting slime... goo... Thing™. Cause I mean? At LEAST it's not pushing one OUT! ( o7 Padme, you have her respect. But also you are a madwoman.)
The Healers, are of course, FROTHING at the mouth.
YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKER. They hiss, like healing and very concerned paragons of needle weilding fury. Where the FUCK are you going to just? GET?? A male of you INCREDIBLY RARE AS FUCK Species? You damn near dead and no longer existent species??!? You have DELIBERATELY put yourself in EXTREME medical distress! For WHAT?! Did you HAVE a plan!?
Yeah. :3 I call it Pulling a Yoda's Linage *Yoda ears move from Concern, to Intrigued*
*click*
..........what was that. Jedi SI-OC, What Was That?? *comms start blowing up* What did you just DO?
Oh :3c simple. She asked. It's the only polite thing to DO after all. She DOES need assistance. Surely someone would be willing to offer. If they can. How? You may ask?? Why look so CONCERNED Councilors! She simply assumed, that? Since there is no way of KNOWING where in the Galaxy surviving members of her Race are? And time IS of the essence? She SHOULD reach as wide an audience as she can, as FAST as she can... RIGHT?
>:3c so, of course, she posted her request to the Holonet.
Video and all.
"Grettings, I am Jedi SI-OC. I am an [race] and currently a Creche Master here at the Jedi Temple of Coruscant. I require the assistance of a healthy, willing Male of my species, as I have laid a clutch. And wish to have it fertilized. I would like to have children. We would, of course, discuss co parenting the children before beginning. I have, attached, further details. Thank you for your time. May the Force be with you"
Sexiest shit a LOT of people for egg laying races have seen in years. Well... those with Very Specific Jedi Kinks. Of course, no one ADMITS to jedi kinks. But like... you've thought about it. Don't lie. Everyone's thought about it. It's them and the Mandalorians.*commiserating noises*
But like? The NEWS CYCLE.
Holy SHIT.
Yeah, yeah, tensions and possible succession from the Republic. Sith plots in the background. But? *new casters violently clear their planned segments for THIS* JEDI? Horny on main!? Is THIS ALLOWED? IS this horny? What race is that? C-can other people volunteer? And if so, who? We take to the streets! Sir, what's your opinion on-?
OUTTA MY WAY, I'MMA BANG A JEDI! *frenzied mob like behavior*
*temple guards, unnamused.* back! BACK! Horny jail! For ALL OF YOU!
Just?? It's? So, SO? Important to me? That their are Mandalorian [race] that show up. Because the need to repopulate their people is more important then *scrunch nose* Jedi(ew). That it becomes the Galaxy's hottest Bachelorette show. WHO? Amongst these Fine And Acomplished Men? Will the Jedi CHOOSE? To have babies with! They ask.
And, presumably, marry and learn the power of family and friendship and emotions and be HEALED by LOVE etc etc.
There are shipping charts. It's horrifying. The talk shows LOVE it.
Council? Day drinking. Except for Mundi. He's just like "....but did you HAVE to you they Holonet? It's so MESSY >:/ everyone's in our BUSINESS now." Cause he's not a hypocrite. Grumpy asshole? Absolutely. But not a hypocrite.
Just? The single most "....who?" Jedi ever. Causing the BIGGEST fuss. Right at the worst possible moment, for Sidious. Causing an explosion of glee and hope and laughter etc, all across the Galaxy. Good feeling towards the Jedi. EVERYBODY talking about them. There's gonna be HUNDREDS more!
If she does this AGAIN (in a decade. Madame Che was NOT joking on the stress it puts on the body) there could be thousands new Jedi over the coming years! (Probably why the Sith fuckin wiped them OUT, not that she thinks about it. Fuckers. Who's laughing NOW?! Huh? WHO LAUGHING NOW?!)
Again! Very, unspeakably Ace. Not a sex thing. I just think I'd be funny? That the Forces answer to The Evil Sith plan was... Babies™.
All those clones looking at this like “she knows there’s other ways right?”
(Not really no, the clones were likely *heavily* altered from an already likely *carefully* chosen template. Asexual species can spread fast but you don’t have a big gene pool you can get all sorts of terrible problems going. Even assuming no major genetic issues from so many kids, each with their own natural variation, no problems from crossbreeding between two very distant species thanks to SCIENCE (and a whole lotta Force cause dear lord will all this require some insane luck), no getting slapped with galactic reproductive laws on species that have massive litters like that, and assuming a very large portion of these kids survive to adulthood (something very unlikely considering an r adapted species becoming *that* rare implies some major hangup (likely food needs and some fun genocide from species that don’t take kindly to goop aliens having a million kids that take over the local economy in a couple generations and have literal luck magic)), you Still have to contend with the issues of such a small gene pool, namely disseases.
Doesn’t matter how far flung future you are species are reliant on delicate microbiomes, and that means even if they eradicated every single virus, bacteria, prion, and parasite in the galaxy you’re still gonna have a million new things emerging from the civilian population and contaminantion on unsteralized worlds. And of course it gets worse, cause the galaxy is *massive* and the Force, at its core, despises waste, especially waste of its own. A necessity for any species considering at its core The Force is as much biological as it is fundamental physics (though I have a whole scrapped post going more into that I might dig up and throw the notes of at you).
So how does a species with ties to what amounts to a luck god, the makings of a massive population that likely had many struggles politically in the galaxy, and likley has ties to the Jedi (an organization that would likely be able to support their massive food needs) get so close to death? It can’t just be food and stress, they had to survive long enough to get off their planet or get uplifted and that implies a significant level of civilization, not to mention a home planet perfectly suited for them (assuming they didn’t muck it up via overpopulation issues). My bet is genocide.
The problem with that idea is that killing off an entire species is already incredibly difficult, killing off a species on a galactic scale? One that can lay clutches of eggs and has enough ties to the Force to get away with minor genetic issues? One that, with the wonders of Sci fi can crossbreed without losing many of the core features that make them Goop? It’s such a nightmare. So what’s the best way to go about it? Well my bet is a virus, or at least something of the sort. One that won’t cause major damage in most species but decimates some vital part of the Goop. It’s probably causing a pandemic, but on a galactic scale that’s near impossible to stop and as long as they’re making it they can keep an eye on any variations and make vaccines that just don’t happen to work for Goop (especially if there’s already high political tensions with r selected species and there’s not as much of a push for greater protection as there would be if it was a key species like humans).
Of course natural variation and a galactic scale means the first batch isn’t gonna get everyone, even if it was devastating. But the joys of bioweapons is if you can make one from scratch you can make them all relatively simply, and if it’s able to lie dormant in the soil like many viruses it could keep coming back, even if they quarantined or something.
Not all gloom and doom for the Goop though, that was likely ages ago, and on such a large scale there’s bound to be holdouts or populations that had the immune systems of gods and could laugh off plague like a common cold, and these are likely who Sci-OC is decended from . Doesn’t change the fact having a single, very recent, ancestor makes a genetic wipe easy as hell, but if they’ve become such a core building block of the Force they’re probably pretty protected. Plus with all the clone shenanigans and massive population density across the galaxy I bet bioweapon research is heavily regulated and protections very funded, especially if r selected species have either mostly died off or been around long enough to reach some semblance of harmony in the galaxy, making a repeat much harder.
The Sith? Were BASTARDS. Because? A quickly spreading Force sensitive race on OUR side? Good! Useful! War fodder! But one that? Culturally aligned Light? Would be sympathetic to the JEDI? Oooooh ho ho. No, NO.
They would bomb their planet to GLASS and be done with it, IF the fuckers hadn't already SPREAD so far! Worse?? Efforts to KILL them? Probably LEAD to those massive Clutch sizes!
Cause think about it? Their own planet? Maybe started out dangerous. They were primitive. Big clutches, lost a lot each time, but decent amounts survived. Civilian progressed. Less danger. Less died. Thaaaats a LOT of suddenly surviving kids to feed. Smaller but STRONGER Clutch? Good!
Modest Clutchs. Hardier. Smarter. Progress the species.
Oh Shit, SITH
Suddenly? People fuckin DYING. Whole bloodlines GONE. Settlements. GONE. Your tiny Clutch? BAD trait. Very bad. Oh Force, oh no! You try desperately to insure you pass on your bloodline before they get to you. Do what nature commands. Spawn, hide the kids, then lead the Predators away.
If you SURVIVE, you can come back for your kids. If not? At least they're SAFE.
But?
As we already covered? It takes A LOT to go through the process. Kinda like those octopus who will refuse to leave to go hunting. Yes, it's basically (Goo from me, goo from you, mixxy mixxy, now we wait and Protecc) but? That Wait and Protect part? Means no hunting, little to no sleeping (there COULD BE PREDATORS), constant monitoring of the clutch and making micro adjustments so they develop properly, etc etc.
Plus defending it. To the DEATH. Against EVERYTHING.
You are Secondary. You have Done Your Duty to the species. Protect the Next Generation AT ALL COSTS. Screams and scream and SCREAMS your instincts. Does it calm the fuck down? Yeah. Babies hatch, coo adorably, eat their first meal, and everyone passes out for a WEEK.
But like.... you lose WEIGHT. Sometimes weight you can't actually afford. People die. Starve to death with food literally in just the other room, because the Clutch can't be moved, and THEY can't leave the Clutch.
The stress such a thing takes on the body?
Imagine FIGHTING after that? During that. Exhausted, sleep deprived, and near feral. During the genocide of your people.
Now! Knowing how SHIT the odds are? That you could survive not just the FIRST few rounds of Sith sent after you? As you weaken? Contrast the odds of survival for Big Clutch, Moderate Clutch, and Small Clutch!
To insure they have passed on their bloodline effectively and can then go and bring the Fight to those Sith Bastards? Big Clutch only has to insure the survival of One(1) Clutch, somewhere the Sith won't find it. Hard? Yes. But perfectly doable. Then a bit of a rest with the kids while they are young, to recover strength and train um a bit. Which increases THEIR odds of survival. Then? Off to war!
Moderate Clutch? Steeper odds. Require greater skill to survive. You gotta do it SEVERAL times just to match the single time of a Big Clutch. What USED to be a hassle for Big Clutch gene having individuals? Is now saving them strength. Because what are your choices here? Stay out of the fight longer? Risk being found and the Sith finding your kids?
Spread them apart? Risk LEADING them to your kids while you try to raise them? Abandon all but one set?
.....spread as many as you can before they kill you?
And Small Clutch? With mere handfuls of children at a time? How easily dispatched. So much energy, so great a RISK! Is it WORTH it? Worth you LIFE? The lives of your companions? To try and risk bringing LESS into the world then it would take to DEFEND them?
Then the fucking DISEASE hits.
And there are so, SO many horror show ways it could go. But honestly? They Sith are monsters. They LOVE perverting Good into Harm. So it's probably the Clutch once again.
Like a fucking Cancer. You catch it. It seems mild. You don't notice until it's too late (it was already too late). As your body starts multiplying eggs. And multiplying. And multiplying. Death by internal hemorrhage. Most immediate casualties are the very fuckers they're having the most trouble with, the Big Clutch genes.
Genocide round two. Population drops AGAIN. But they're still fighting to hold on. Jedi obviously helping. The Force on their side.
A few lucky, uninfected Big Clutch with a few Male survivors of the disease? Suddenly you have a strand that's resistant. Few and far between. But coupled with other far flung survivors and a long lifespan? It's enough.
Not to mention? Like, as an aside? Pre Sith attack? They probably had a pretty stable population? Cause it's pretty easy to get the EXACT amount of kids you want? When everything is external? No one SAYS you have to use ALL of the goo. Do a pinch each. Have like two-three kids. Ffs, guys, we're not ANIMALS.
*Sith show up* never mind. Animals it is. GO FOR THEIR THROATS! D:<
You know what i am thinking of? The species probably has an extra devloped sense for detecting darksiders, because think about it, sith would have no problem with disguising themselves as jedi to get close and admister the virus/kill them/steal the clutch to turn them to the dark side, so the ones who can detect darksiders better are more likely to live on, perhaps even having the first part of training being detecting darksiders no matter how they try and hide it. So even if SI-OC didnt know Palpatine was evil, her and her childrens dark side alarm bells would be going off like a fireworks display, and anyone who has done research into the species, would realize that "oh fuck Palpatine is a darksider" and tell the others (who would probably be holding SI-OC from tearing palps throat out) and even for how good Palpatine is, noone can survive being surrounded by a temples worth of battle ready jedi.
