“I would rather our son be disappointed by the truth than a lie,” Sara countered. Neither of them had been perfect parents, they’d both messed up countless times, and would no doubt continue to do so in the future. But this was the line in the sand. A giant lie had resulted in anger and resentment and hurt (most of which had been aimed in her direction because, by choice or not, she’d been complicit in telling it). It had resulted in death. So moving forward, while she knew there would be things they couldn’t give details about for the boys’ safety, they could not lie. Otherwise, what legs would they have to stand on when the boys started lying to them? What would they become if - as a family - no one trusted anyone else to tell the truth? No, it had to stop now, or the foundation of the Lance-Queen family was going to come crashing down for good.
“You can’t fix a lie with another lie, Oliver,” Sara replied. “There is a difference between making things age-appropriate, in bringing things down to Connor’s level, and pure fiction.” He then told her that Connor didn’t understand what happened and he absolutely didn’t understand what he said. He just knew about Heaven, and the statue, and that he went somewhere Connor couldn’t go. To which she responded, “I know that. But even knowing that, does it make you feel better? Because it doesn’t make me feel better in the slightest.”
Oliver took a breath before he spoke. "Let me see your hands, please," he asked gently, taking in what she said. With the lives they led, it was hard to find the line most of the time. It was harder to find when the person in questions was still in the single digits. What would be easy, or at least easier, to share with any of the members of the team was harder to explain to a teenager yet even worse to explain to a small child. Connor could grasp that there were doctors that could help others at ARGUS so, to Oliver, it was easier to explain that Diggle and the others at ARGUS couldn't heal Sara's scars than to explain that whatever healed him and allowed him to come back to their family couldn't intervene to help Sara. "With as much magic and everything around what happened to me, letting him think it was ARGUS seemed easier. He knows they have doctors there."
Then she asked if the rationalization for what Connor said made him feel any better. "Of course it doesn't. That...that's not something I ever want him to feel. And I don't think he does. He just...he just wants to be with his dad."
Sara didn’t take Oliver’s hand, her own curled up into fists so tightly at her sides that they were starting to bleed. She didn’t go to him, didn’t speak until he reminded her that they had three minutes before Connor came back - and that was if they were lucky. “You shouldn’t have done that. I know that Connor is too young to understand everything. And telling him that you had to go to ARGUS so that Diggle and the team there could make sure you were all right, that was the right call and - more or less - the truth; we did, along with needing to know that you were actually you, need to know that you were okay. But now you’re letting him think that Diggle helped to heal your scars, that there is a chance that he can heal mine, and you know that’s not true. You lied to him. All you had to say was that was part of the deal, part of you getting to come back - your body was healed and you didn’t have to hurt anymore. Now he’s going to be disappointed when he finds out I can’t be healed, too. So fix it.”
A beat passed before she added, “Because our son is so confused, he is so hurt and so lost that he wants to die with you. That is what our five-year-old just uttered: he wants to die.” She couldn’t believe she heard it, she couldn’t believe she was saying it, and she couldn’t even begin to process it. She knew Connor didn’t truly understand the weight of his words, the meaning of them, but he’d said them nonetheless. That was the toll all of this had taken on him.
Her posture, the way she had her hands clenched, the faint hint of red he could see near her fingers. Oliver was braced and prepared for what might come his way after what Connor had said.
At least he thought he was.
The hand he'd offered her felt back to his side as he tried to fight against the anger those five words had flared back up. You shouldn't have done that. As if arguing over him trying to cook for their family or coming to check on him trying to get their youngest son dressed hadn't been enough. You shouldn't have done that. His jaw clenched as he tried to listen. "Either way, he would end up disappointed," whether it was from Diggle saying ARGUS couldn't heal Sara or from discovering Sara couldn't get the same deal to heal her.
"I'm trying to fix it. All of it." But so far, it was turning into the hardest thing he'd done.
"But our five year old doesn't understand what happened; he absolutely doesn't understand what he said. All he knows is something about heaven, talking to statues, and that I went somewhere without him. And now I've come back. He doesn't understand what dying means. He wouldn't have said it if he understood."
// requested by @birdonawiresara and gave me a chance to explore early season 4 in our little verse
~~~
The form on the couch, holding his son in her arm, caught Oliver by surprise. “What are you doing here? Where’s Raisa?”
Nyssa rose and shifted Connor on her hip. “I dismissed her and stayed with the boy. I have something that you need to see,” Nyssa reached with her free hand and offered up a flash drive. “You know as well as I that my father was not a trusting man and while the League may appear to be more archaic, he appreciated being able to see into the more sensitive areas of the compound. Your sister and Laurel have chosen to involve themselves in areas that they cannot hope to understand.”
Oliver frowned and took the drive before retrieving his laptop. “Thea said she went with Laurel to a spa out of the city. Made a whole weekend of it.”
“I don’t believe Nanda Parbat qualifies as a spa,” The drive booted up and showed multiple video files from the past week. Opening the first video caused a pit to form in his stomach as he recognized the Lazarus Pit and saw the corpse being lowered into the water by Laurel and Thea. His breathing hauled as he waited and for a moment, it seemed the pit had no effect. As he was about to exhale, Sara exploded out of the pit to be sedated.
“No…No!”
“They were warned not only by myself but by Malcolm. When he gave into his daughter’s wish, I tried to stop them to no avail. I am deeply sorry but I believe you should know. Sara is alive but she is far from whole.”
The other clips showed Sara, still in the clothing she’d been wearing when she died, being restrained in chains. Everything about the way she moved reminded him of Thea when she came out of the pit. That initial bloodlust.
“It’s been over a year…” he trailed off and stopped himself from reaching out to touch the screen. “Connor…he had a party just a couple weeks ago. His first birthday…” The toddler reached for him and Oliver took him from Nyssa. He glanced at the screen and reached with his little hand.
“Mama!”
Oliver hugged him close.“Yeah, buddy, that's Mama. We're going to help her.”
“There's one more that you need to see but I don't believe she would want him to see it.”
She wouldn't have wanted him to see or go through any of it but there they were. “Do you mind taking him? It's almost time for him to be in bed anyway.”
With a nod, Nyssa took the toddler back and carried him to his nursery, leaving Oliver alone with the flash drive and the last video on the drive.
This one was from a different location full of concrete and steel; Sara was hunched over, still in chains wrapped around a pipe. Another familiar figure appeared, gun in hand pointed right at her head. Horror rushed through every ounce of his body mixed with fear for the woman he loved. The audio was tinny but he could hear Quentin apologizing as he closed his eyes, finger shaking on the trigger. Bile rose in his throat at the thought of what Quentin was about to do to his own child and the knowledge of what he was about to witness happen all over again. And just like the last time, he wasn't there to stop it. He wasn't there to protect her, not even from her own father. But the gun shot never came and tears slid down his cheeks as he focused on Sara, still alive, still breathing as the clip ended.
It took a moment as he dried his eyes and compartmentalized what he had just seen before he was able to take a more critical look at the videos. All of them were from within the last week and a half with the footage from the last clip being dated for just a few days before.
“I went down into that basement to try to find her once I saw the video but she was no longer there,” Nyssa came back into the room just as Felicity’s name popped up on his phone. He answered and put it right to the speaker.
“Yeah?”
“Hey! We’ve got a Code 47 at a nightclub on Ninth. A blonde woman going cray cray,” Oliver and Nyssa shared a look, “and since I'm down here, it's probably the blonde woman we've been looking for.”
“I’ll be right there.”
~~~
The screaming caused the DJ to stop the music and made it easier to spot the blonde in the crowd as they gave room to her and the victim.
Oliver fired an arrow to disarm her only for Sara to turn towards him with a growl. Despite the footage he had seen, it still caught him by surprise. And in the time it took to reach for the tranquilizer arrow he’d brought, intending to bring her back with him, she ran into the night.
~~~
“Given that the mother of my child is alive and running around Pennytown hurting people, you two spent your spa weekend at Nanda Parbat?” Oliver returned his bow to the case and turned to face the two in question.
“It was the only place we could get a reservation,” Thea attempted to joke.
Oliver frowned. “The blood lust is worse with Sara, isn't it? Because you brought her back from death after over a year of her being gone?”
“That’s not the only problem; she’s changed.”
He tried to keep his voice calm, “Why didn't you come to me with this?”
Laurel scoffed. “Come to you for what? Your expertise with magical resurrection? Or that judgmental look on your face?”
“For help finding her!” The anger he had been battling since seeing the footage Nyssa delivered started to boil over, “Or to remind you that this was ridiculous and you shouldn’t have done it in the first place! Thea of all people understands exactly what the Lazarus Pit does to someone near death, let alone someone who's been gone for that long. And now,” he glared at the two of them, “you both chose to put the mother of your nephew, your sister, through that?!”
“So it’s okay for you to take Thea there? But not Sara? You hypocrite!”
“Thea wasn’t dead! Sara was!”
Laurel scoffed again and shook her head, “Oh come down off your judgmental high horse and stop acting like you’re not even a little bit happy that she’s here. That you’re not happy she’s alive again and that this time we can do something to help her.”
“You played with forces that you do not understand, and now people are dying because of it. The lives that Sara takes right now are on you,” Oliver’s voice dropped to a growl. “There’s consequences for playing with those forces and now, other people AND Sara are paying them!” He stormed away from them.
There was a call he needed to make.
~~~
Of course he didn’t answer.
Oliver couldn’t even guarantee he was in an area where he could answer the call but it was worth a shot to try to call in the favor he was owed. If it in any way could help Sara, it would be worth it.
While he waited on the man to return the phone call, he and the team focused on finding Sara. Looking for any connection her victims may have shared. The man she’d killed…it had fit her M.O. from when she’d first arrived back in Starling to check on her family. According to the victim, Sara had saved her from being attacked before attacking the woman herself.
It had taken pulling up and analyzing pictures of both of the women involved before the connection appeared.
Each woman Sara had attacked looked similar to Thea.
Oliver’s phone rang but one glance told him it wasn’t the number he was waiting on. Instead, it was Starling General.
~~~
As soon as Thea started to come around and tried to sit up in the hospital bed, Oliver was right there. “Hey, hey, easy.”
Thea cleared her throat and shifted to try to get comfortable. “Sara…she…”
“I know. It’s okay, you’re safe.”
“She tried to kill me.”
“She’s not in her right mind right now thanks to the Pit.”
Thea frowned. “Just like I am…”
“Thea…”
“The bloodlust…it flared while we were there and Malcolm…he…”
Before the conversation could continue, the door to Thea’s room opened as Laurel rushed in. Oliver’s eyes narrowed as she rushed to Thea’s bedside.
“I’m sorry, Speedy,” he kept his voice level as he turned his attention away from his sister. “Laurel, can I speak with you outside?” Laurel frowned but followed him into the hallway. As soon as the door closed, he spoke again, keeping his voice low. “Not only is Thea in the hospital but Merlyn is influencing her again?”
Laurel looked confused. “What?”
“Just that another thing that happened on your little secret trip to Nanda Parbat.”
Laurel frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “Hey! I didn't tell you that I took my sister to Nanda Parbat because I knew that you wouldn't approve.”
“Of course I wouldn’t! Nyssa warned you about what would happen. The Pit has never been used like that and you refused to listen to her.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you took Thea?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“It's the hypocrisy that I can't stand! What? It's ok for you to do whatever you have to for your sister, but it's not ok for me to do the same to mine?“
“Thea was still alive; Sara wasn’t. Sara hasn’t been for a while now. Or did you think I forgot about that anniversary while I was throwing your nephew’s birthday party? You desecrated her grave and exhumed her corpse for what? To be held hostage so you could act like everything would be okay?”
“She wouldn’t have had to miss his birthday if yiu would've told me. But you didn’t…you never tell me because you don’t see me as an equal.”
“Because training with Ted Grant for a few weeks puts you on equal footing?”
“See? That’s what I’m talking about! You don’t see me as an equal and you never have. You never would have told me that there was a way to save my sister. And now my sister’s out of her mind because of a decision I made. Did you ever just stop and think for one second about what I might be going through?” She took a step back, “I'm sorry about what happened to Thea. I really am. I love your family; I always have. I just wish that sometimes you would give a damn about mine.”
That sentence froze Oliver to his core. How often had he as the Hood and then as the Arrow looked out for her, for Quentin? “Since I have been back, I have always looked after your family. I am still looking after your family. And now I have to save your family. Again.”
He felt the heat of Laurel's glare before she walked away.
~~~
Once Oliver was sure that Thea was resting, he took a moment to step out to call and check in on his son. When he returned, he found Laurel waiting outside the room. “I didn't know you were still here.”
“I wanted to make sure Thea was okay.”
Oliver glanced towards the door. “She's sleeping.”
“About what I said before…”
Before she could continue that thought, noise inside the room caught both of their attention. “Thea!” He called as his baby sister was tossed towards him and the form of Sara disappeared out the hospital window.
~~~
Much to the doctor's displeasure, Thea managed to get them to release her with strict orders for Oliver to watch over her. As soon as she was free, he texted the team to meet them at the bunker and called Nyssa to have her bring Connor there. If the plan that was starting to take shape in his mind worked, it wouldn’t be long before they would have Sara back.
When they arrived, they all gathered around the table, including Nyssa.
“Your housekeeper would’ve made a very formidable warrior in my father’s house,” she stated as she claimed a seat. “She nearly risked herself trying to stop me from bringing the boy.”
“Why is she here?”
“She’s helping,” Oliver cut them off before it could turn into an argument; that was the last thing they needed right now. “At the hospital, I looked into Sara’s eyes; she wasn’t there. Nyssa, you described it as she wasn’t whole.”
“The pit was never meant to be used on the dead. While it restored her body, it failed to restore her soul.”
“We still need to find her.”
The compromise, whether Oliver liked it or not, became using Thea and the connection the pit had forged between them to lure Sara to them. They headed back to what was left of Verdant, each member of the team taking their place while Thea walked through what remained of her night club. Thea barely made it down the stairs to the floor before Sara attacked.
Oliver dropped down quickly, ordering Laurel to get Thea out of there. It distracted the blonde for a moment, the two engaging in a fight of their own before Sara targeted Laurel, only for Laurel to pull a gun on what remained of her sister.
He didn’t hesitate, drawing and firing the tranquilizer arrow into Sara’s shoulder. Laurel kept the gun trained on her, “You said she didn’t have a soul.”
“So let’s get it back,” he commented and pulled out his phone, trying the phone call again and hoping the man on the other end would be able to answer.
“How quickly can you get to Star City? I need your help.”
~~~~
When they arrived back at the bunker, Oliver carried her inside and down the elevator, laying her gently on one of the tables as John Constantine explained the plan and handed Felicity the list of things he would need. As the team worked to gather the supplies, he took the time to change out of his suit and check on Connor in the safe room.
“Sara is safe?” Nyssa asked, perched in the rocking chair.
“She will be. An old friend has the ability to restore her soul; they’re preparing the spell now.”
She rose. “Then my work here is done.”
“Don’t you want to see her?”
“I’ll allow that to be her choice in time. The last I saw of her, she was prepared to return to you with the boy. I shall respect that choice,” she moved to the doorway and paused before crossing the threshold. “Take care of them both.”
Oliver nodded. “Thank you, Nyssa.”
As she left through the back entrance to the bunker, he checked to ensure Connor was still sleeping soundly in the play pin. If all went well, it would be the last time he would sleep without Sara in his life.
With that resolve, Oliver headed back to the main area to help the team just in time to hear Constantine call to bring her to the pentagram.
// my aunt's arrow rewatch has expanded to the flash and with the episodes I've joined her on, I've realized we were never going to get the timeline where Oliver lived to 86
Connor lightly traced his finger over his dad’s shirt where he knew his lines used to be, murmuring, “Wowww... Uncle Diggle made them all go away?” He was upset with his mom, he was angry with her because she lied and lying was bad. But he knew she had a lot of lines. He knew she hurt a lot. So he looked back up at his dad and asked, “Can he make Mama’s lines go away, too? Can he make her all fixed? That way you’re both all better?” Then his dad was telling him that they’d need the Green Arrow one day, but that the city had heroes to protect it right now. “Like Aunt Thea and Uncle Roy!” After that, he quickly whispered, “Don’t worry, I don’t tell anyone about them. But did you know their suits are red? Like Uncle Barry’s! And we want to be with you, too. To watch seals, and eat ice cream, and sleep in the big bed. Oh, and to draw pictures. And eat cookies that we are not allowed to put in the toaster because Mama got rid of the toaster...”
Connor shook his head at his dad’s question, murmuring again, “I don’t remember the first one you missed.” Then he told him to look at the clock and - after 3 minutes - he could come back and get him. Connor looked back to his mother, who was turning around, maintaining her composure.
“He’s been learning how to use the hands of the clock to tell time, but we’re working on hours, not minutes. It’s okay, Connor, use the timer in the kitchen - put it on three, okay? And go back to the very beginning of the recordings and pick the very first one - the one at the top.” Their son hesitated for a long beat before heading off to the kitchen to set the timer.
"Something like that," Oliver commented as he felt Connor trace where some of his scars had been. When he asked if Diggle could do the same for his mother, he found himself recalling when Sara had realized the pit had healed all of the ones she'd acquired after the Gambit went down. But also how could he tell him no? That whatever healed him hadn't come from ARGUS? "I don't know; she can ask him later." When the boy made the connection to the other heroes, he gave him a soft smile and lightly bit his cheek when he compared Roy and Thea's suits to Barry's. That smile turned into a chuckle when Connor mentioned Sara had gotten rid of the toaster; sadly, that was an appliance they hadn't been able to keep around for long with Connor and his curiosity.
Oliver rubbed Connor's back as the boy looked to Sara, who seemed to have composed herself for the time being. When she explained and instructed him on setting the timer and what episode to pick, he held his breath as Connor hesitated before heading off, leaving the two of them alone.
3 minutes.
It wasn't long but it would have to be enough for the time being. He rose and moved to Sara, reaching a hand out to her. "Come here," Oliver lowered his voice. The words to ask if she was okay were on the tip of the tongue but they felt useless. How could she be? "We've got three minutes before he comes back."
romaincrisis
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