hawke has it the WORST out of all the dragon age protagonists and never, not even once, is able to catch a gd break even before kirkwall or after. their whole story is a greek tragedy from beginning to end and it matters that they tried and cared, but the ending is the same. in this essay i will --
honestly idk if leandra realizes just how much she resents hawke. and i do mean hawke specifically, not the siblings after them, but HAWKE.... i don't think she does know. but hawke does. hawke very much does.
leandra grew up on this romanticization of the world. she was a noble who always was given what she wanted in the end. until she fell in love with a mage. she wasn't allowed to have hawke's dad, but she'd never been told no before and her only knowledge of romance would have been through books
so when she's told NO, she doesn't listen. she's had all she wanted up until then and things always turned out right. until she gets pregnant. with hawke. at which point she has to abandon everything about life she has been promised and run if she was to keep anything good here.
which is when she gets hit with cold, hard, harsh reality outside of her cozy little life so far. she has to live hand to mouth. she has to live on the run. and from where she's standing, had she not gotten pregnant with hawke... this wouldn't be her life. so, of course, she resents them deep down
cause she essentially traded all her life could have been for hawke. so.. hawke has to be worth it. hawke has to be worth that kind of sacrifice, somehow, someway. and lbr, no child is going to be able to do that. but it's why hawke is immediately the leader rather than her at the start of the game
hawke knows, even if not consciously exactly, that everything they do must be to prove their worth and themself. getting their family to safety is just part of that. it's why leandra is so goddamn quick to blame hawke the moment one sibling dies. and harshly at that. it's not said like it's uncommon
she blames hawke like it's second nature to her. cause honestly i'm p sure it is. and any dialogue you choose as hawke... they don't seem surprised. and later, when leandra acknowledges it, it's so clearly in a way that reads as saving face (very noble like of her) that actually being remorseful
it's also something she does AGAIN if hawke takes the other sibling to the deep roads, even if it's carver who practically twists hawke's arm to take him. leandra considers hawke to have a debt to her, but it's not even one they can realistically repay even if hawke's luck wasn't horrendous
genuinely? gamlen is better at not blaming hawke for things than leandra is. and he's not exactly a role model. but when leandra dies, he has a grief stricken moment of blame, yes. but it's so quickly replaced with GENUINE remorse for lashing out at hawke and knowing hawke is mourning too
and that's also something. leandra acts like when things go wrong most of the time like hawke can't possibly be suffering as much as she is. i think she acknowledges somewhat that things are hard for everyone. but hawke? hawke is totally fine compared to their sibling and miles better off than her
hawke's whole narrative is just trying to prove themself and doing the right thing and i spin myself in circles with the knowledge that if leandra didn't resent hawke the way she does i really don't think that hawke, no matter their personality, would be so easily dragged into everyone else's shit
she basically raised an adult that fixes everyone else's problems for them because regardless of if hawke is blue, red, or purple, they find their value in correcting things for people to show their worth and idk it just fucking hurts me so much to think about. hawke, the tragic hero that you are
