writings

hello I'm tsuji

[grimaphotic]

1. snow

Snow was basic in the way that it made perfect sense. The logic behind snow was so incredibly simple that he didn’t think much of it. In fact, even Touya didn’t think twice about the subject of N and snow put together; figuring N had already seen plenty of it.

Though, living the majority of his life cooped up inside a castle hadn’t presented him with chances to roam the outdoors in it’s different seasons. Yes, he had heard many stories of snow, mostly those from Ghetsis; about how the newest pokemon brought to him had been kicked out of its warm home and into the brutality of the winter cold, lacking knowledge on how to keep itself warm and find food in the frost. N, of course, had instantly understood. He knew every single scientific point about the cold and it’s effects—from its freezing point to how the molecules reacted.

In theory, he shouldn’t have been surprised at all—holding all the knowledge on the subject—when the first snowflake had landed on the tip of his nose. He couldn’t help the look of utter confusion and surprise that crossed his features, the second of wonder and amazement before his mind placed the pieces together in his mind.

Snow.

It was his first time experiencing it in person, and despite knowing how logical it was, he still thought the snow to be magical. His childish heart still bubbled with excitement at the sight of snow flitting around him, a hand reaching out to catch a snowflake and examine it.

Touya had continued walking, offhandedly muttered to himself about how cold it was as he remained oblivious to the epiphany N was having a few metres back. It had taken the teen a matter of moments to realize the other had stopped, and when he glanced back, he quirked an eyebrow at the sight of N smiling excitedly around himself and catching snowflakes to inspect them. He figured he might as well go see what the fuss was about.

"Touya!" N called out his name excitedly as he approached, curiosity glowing in his eyes as he practically shouted excitedly; "It’s snowing!!"

"No shit."

The plasma king only frowned at the teen’s response, giving an irritated huff as he crouched down to inspect the snow sticking to the grass. That’s when the realisation hit.

"Wait a second…" Touya held a look of curiosity and amusement in his eyes. "Don’t tell me this is your first time seeing snow…?"

"Maybe… I’ve read lots about it and have seen pictures. Plus I know everything there is to know about snow."

"But you’ve never once seen it?"

He sighed. “No.”

Touya felt a pang of sadness, the dull reminder that the male in front of him had spent so many years stuck in a castle. “We can… Y’know…. Build a snowman and stuff tomorrow when there’s more snow.”

The flash of excitement and the grin that lit up the others face spread warmth through his chilled bones. “Thank you Touya. I’d like that.”

[grimaphotic]

"I miss the years that were erased. I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face. I miss all the little things, I never thought that they’d mean everything to me."

Aoba hadn’t realized how much he had missed it, how important such a simple thing was in his everyday life. The importance had increased tenfold when he realized just how important they were; the tender smiles that would grace Koujaku’s lips, that is. They were akin to the sun in July, a warmth that spread ease and nostalgia through his bones. He was just like a plant in ways, Aoba decides one day, believing that the older male’s smiles were the sun that kept him alive.

He remembers how somber he had been in those years when Koujaku had been much too far away for his liking. Separated, he was, from the smiles that contained memories of an old, almost faint but never forgotten past. One of a hero, silhouetted in the sunlight and bearing a smile that seemed made up of the giant star’s very warmth. A teen who had always be there to pick up the pieces; to wipe the mournful tears away from pale cheeks, and held him close to ward off the childish fear of a young boy’s heart.

To anyone else, something as minuscule as the smile of another would be brushed off, never needed in their mind and only a thing that provides temporary ease. Aoba disagrees, believing the effect of a smile to last as long as the receptor is able to hold onto the image. Koujaku’s smiles had been absent for so long, yet he had been able to keep the picture in his mind for so long, surviving on a faded face of old.

He thinks back to his time in platinum jail, where the smiles had been so very wrong, so very unlike his childhood hero’s warmth. There was too much distance in those smiles; they were made of frozen winters and littered with deceit. They made Aoba feel as if he was walking on a frozen lake, the memories stuck under a layer of unbreakable ice. He reached for the sky, hands reaching to beckon the warmth to one again peek out from the clutches of dark clouds and cast a light to melt the ice. The moment he had broken through the thick layer, he had instantly drowned in the once lost warmth of the honest smiles. As if he could finally feel again, the numbness of the cold ebbing away as he relished in the warmth of an innocent childhood.

Aoba couldn’t be happier in his current life, reaching a hand up to cup the warm skin of his lover’s cheek. The corners of a warm smile reached his hand, accompanied with a gaze equally as warm and loving. He basked in it, the personal sunshine that never ceased to light his once dark world. And as Koujaku ran a hand through his now short hair, Aoba knew the sunshine would never fade but only grow stronger even as their lives came to an inevitable end.

[grimaphotic]

Pitch: Highness or lowness of a tone

Leo had never been a fan of the hierarchy system, especially when he learned of how corrupt it was, making it hard for one to escape their predisposed ranking in society. At the same time, he never exactly brought himself to care much about it either.

When Elliot had marched along, demanding respect of being of a higher class, Leo had simply scoffed and brushed off the other’s attitude. He honestly hadn’t seen the point in acting different towards Elliot just because he was of noble status; which in hindsight, really did end up being the cause for the Nightray’s proposal later on.

He was more than content to be of a “lower rank” as he stayed by Elliot’s side, most likely because of the other’s longing for an equal party. It really was humorous, Leo thought, the fact that he went from a servant to a noble in a blur of days.

At least it would be humorous, if the events leading up to the truth had not occurred and all the secrets had remained locked away. It was hard to find it humours with these factors, plus the fact he no longer had anyone to laugh with. Alas, Elliot had passed from the world; cold as the ground where he now lay. There would be no more shared laughter or bickering like an old, married couple.

He was now a Baskerville, one of the Nightray’s most hated rivals and a clan that Elliot chose to ignore. He briefly wondered if Elliot would hate who he had become, a Baskerville that brought on more harm than good. He was a coward who hurt his once considered “friends” and he briefly considered ending it all. Not that Leo could bring himself to that, he was too much of a coward and it would kill him to go against Elliot’s ideals. Even if he was gone, even if his death had gone against everything he had ever believed in and ranted about.

He remembered that day at the academy so clearly, the speech Elliot gave to Oz about self sacrifice and how selfish it really was.

Selfish.

That was certainly a word for the person he had become.

[grimaphotic]

Forte: Loud

It wasn’t unusual for their voices to echo through the Nightray manor; the bickering a familiar murmur among the ever-solemn hallways. Many of the Nightray family thought it undignified, something of a disgrace for the scion to have a servant as temperamental as Leo.

For Elliot, the bickering was not in the least bit unpleasant or unwelcome. The fact he could argue with his servant so easily brought on a sense of serenity; a comfortable familiarity that could only be found among friends and equals. He was thankful for the friendship Leo and himself held together, to the point he would not be able to imagine anyone else taking up such a massive role in his everyday life. Even if he was a big pain who seemed to be more trouble than he was worth at times. Now was a good example of such habits and mutterings.

"Elliot, please! Shut up already!!" Leo clenched his fists as he yelled, a menacing glare peeked through the shining lenses as it did on occasion. "You’re being ridiculous again!"

"Me? Ridiculous?" He scoffed in response with a brief roll of the eyes. It took no time at all for Elliot to turn and meet the offending glare with just as much malice. "You’re the one being ridiculous! And loud, and annoying, and a hypocrite!!"

"Ha! A hypocrite. How laughable!" The raven haired boy merely shook his head, a bitter smile adorned his lips as he raised an accusing finger at the Nightray scion. "You’re nothing but a hypocrite for claiming that I am a hypocrite!"

"Wouldn’t that just make you even more of a hypocrite?" Elliot narrowed his eyes, stubborn in his argument as per usual. It wasn’t strange for the scion to lose his temper so easily and for Leo to lose it just as easily in return. Though, upon seeing Elliot flustered and spouting backless insults, it typically only took a few moments for Leo’s own temper to simmer down at the silliness of the whole situation. A light chuckle slipped through the servant’s lips, a motion he surely knew would spur the other on more.

"Are you laughing at me??" The Nightray scion’s face heated up, eyebrows knitted together in anger and slight confusion. The pout that settled on his face only caused the other to laugh more, amusement coursed through his mind at the "noble’s" disposition. He really was akin to a five year old with a short fuse. Leo could only imagine how difficult he must have been as a child, probably having been constantly stirring up trouble and telling people what’s what. He would have to ask Gilbert about it next time he had the chance, since they were the closest. The information would be a great tidbit to store away, if only to add to the list of things he could use to tease the scion.

"Geez, calm down." Leo smiled at the other, giving a nonchalant shrug as reassurance. "I just realized how meaningless the argument you started was."

"I started??"

{ to remain unfinished }

[grimaphotic]

10) "…the crown you placed upon my head feels too heavy now, and I don’t know what to say to you, but I’ll smile anyhow."

With a tender smile, Nagisa placed the flower crown atop his head and gave a soft, triumphant noise. Rei knew the crown was made of tiny, light flowers yet the weight of it felt so much heavier. It was weighed down with all the emotions, responsibilities, and oddities that had taken over his life in the recent weeks.

There were so many times when it felt like too much, the shame and embarrassment of his actions made him want to quit. The enitial doubt of his abilities while learning how to swim, combined with the burning shame of the storm incident during the training camp.

So many times Rei would bow his head in regret, anxiety and self-loathing grasping his mind. Though as much as he wanted to escape all this, to give up and quit, whenever he went to confront them he would crumble. The smile on Nagisa’s face and the upbeat “What is it, Rei-chan?”

Rei would always be forced to prolonge the situation, determination crumbling away completely as he replies with an “Its nothing” and the most of a smile he can possibly muster up at that moment.

Perhaps an extra week of prolonged embarrassment couldn’t hurt his pride more than it was already.

[grimaphotic]

7) "I’m taken in your undertow, everything is fine…I’m lonely all the time."

There was only one key word that came to mind when Rei would attempt to describe his life before the swim club; it was bland. Incredibly so.

He had focused on nothing but his school work and calculations, including the mathematics that were his pole vaulting. Friends were a foreign subject to him. Something that willed him to expend his free time on pointless things when he could be using it to get ahead on school work or improve the calculations on his vaulting techniques.

Friends were simply something Rei had not found mandatory or needed.

There would be times where he would find himself taking part in idle chatter with those who dared to approach him, yet most tended to stay away due to his standoffishly introverted demeanor.

He preferred to be off in his own world of calculations, and logic. A place where everything made perfect sense. There were times where he found it to be quite lonely, and yes, thinking back on it now, Rei could admit he was completely and utterly lonely. Even if at the time he could not grasp the full concept of the word. In order to be lonely, one would have to know the warmth of friendship first.

Rei’s perfectly logical, sensible, calculated, yet so incredibly lonely, world had been shattered by a boy. One singular soul. A personification of a ball of energy that went by the name Hazuki Nagisa.

The day Nagisa had began to pester him, that built up wall of proudful demeanor that guarded his untouched, delicate heart; it began to crumble. Upon joining the swim team he had allowed himself a sample of this tabooed friendship.

Just like that, Ryugazaki Rei had been swept into the undertow of the swim team and his newly acquired friends, slowly ridding himself of those closed off feelings.

Rei had finally began to metamorphose.

[grimaphotic]

14) i stopped looking

14) i stopped looking

"I had…stopped looking for you, y’know." Touya’s tone was casual as he half smiled at the taller boy before him.

"You searched for me?" N raised an eyebrow in surprise, yet his eyes remained in their unreadable, distant gaze.

"Yeah, I got off the couch for once. Amazing, isn’t it?" He chuckled humorlessly, light smile replaced by a downturn of the lips. "I could only look for so long."

"I wouldn’t expect you to search forever. There’s a point where anyone would give up." The distant look disappeared, replaced with a sad glow and matching smile. "I apologize for my absence." "I just need the time to…"

"Recover?" Touya puffed out his cheek in thought before continuing to speak. "I kind of understand why you would need to go off and find yourself. After what…Ghetsis said…" The name still left a foul taste on his mouth even after all this time.

"I got closure with all of that. Don’t worry." N smiled at him, a smile that proved he was alright and that he knew everything would be okay. His father had called him a monster and told him everything he knew was wrong, a lie, yet here was N. He was as strong willed as ever and seemingly the happiest he had ever been. The solemn attitude had been dropped almost completely, though still evident in his eyes when the he was recalling the past events.

[grimaphotic]

11) catch me in your arms

11) catch me in your arms

or your lap works fine too

"Touya…" N’s concerned voice floated from above, drawing his attention to the figure sitting in the branches above.

"What is it, N?" A sigh accompanied the question, Touya already knowing the tone meant no good.

"I can’t get down." N’s voice seemed a bit panicked, reminding Touya of a five year old who had climbed to the top of the playground and was too scared to get back down. Of course this didn’t come as a surprise given the fact that N, who was 21 years old, basically still had the mentality of an eight year old despite his actual age.

"Well, don’t expect me to help you get down. You got yourself up there, I’m sure you can get yourself down." Touya grumbled out as he resumed leaning against the tree trunk and closing his eyes.

Sounds of scrabbling among the branches came from above for a couple minutes before it was silent once more. It must be N preparing himself for the leap down, Touya figured. Unfortunately N wasn’t exactly preparing himself to jump, in actuality he had been trying not to fall off the branch and failed to do so.

He had fallen right onto the unsuspecting Touya below, causing the two to become a pile of tangled limbs in the process.

"Really, N…" Touya muttered from under the heap of 21-year-old manchild.

"Ah! I’m sorry!" N apologized profusely as he attempted to untangle himself from the other boy. Once untangled from the brunette, N laughed in a somewhat mocking way. "Guess that’s what you get for not helping me."

Touya just frowned and decided that punching him in the face would only be more problematic.

[grimaphotic]

[15] Grave: Solemn; Very, very slow.

Grave: Solemn; Very, very slow.

An eternity in a single moment; that was the only way Leo could describe it. It was one excruciatingly long moment haunted by the weighing ultimatum.

There were still so many things Elliot had to live for, and so many experiences he had yet to experience.

Thinking back on it now, maybe prolonging Elliot’s life was the biggest mistake of all. It was simply a greedy decision on Leo’s part. He had wanted to spend more time with Elliot. Perhaps he only did it in order to prolong the blame on himself; the fact that it was all his fault.

Yes, if Elliot had died back then they would have never met the Vessalius kid, wrote music together, go to school together, etc. Yet in the same sense, if he had died back then, Elliot wouldn’t have had to become the headhunter and murder his precious family.

Pain. So much pain. At Leo was the one at fault. His existance had cause his most precious person to suffer.

Leo curled in on himself, burying his face in his palms before curling his fingers with fury. He didn’t even mind his nails digging into the delicate skin on his cheeks, nothing mattered anymore.

Oh how he wanted to disappear.

[grimaphotic]

10) she's running from him; he's trying to save her

He had almost nothing left in the world. Plasma was disbanded; no longer needing a king, his father had outright cast him off as a monster, and all his ideals were proven faulty.

Touya wanted to do nothing more than console the male and convince him he wasn’t the definition of a pitiful existence. The situation was pitiful but N was not, Touya new this for a fact. The N he knew was naive but brave, strong in his own way.

It scared him to think of what would become of N after this. N, as strong as he was, still had a somewhat delicate mind. This whole situation could be enough to destroy the poor boy. Anyone’s mentality could only take so much in one day, but to have everything you ever knew proven a lie in the fraction of a second could wreck anyone.

It was at that thought, Touya decided he had to stop N from leaving to suffer on his own.

Unfortunately he was not fast enough. Touya’s feet couldnt carry him fast enough in the direction N was going. He had just barely missed the arm of the other boy as N leaped out the window and onto the back of Reshiram, whispering his solemn goodbye before flying off into the distance.

Touya quickly reached for Zekrom’s ball in order to follow the other but paused just before grabbing it. Perhaps it was better for N to deal with this alone, as much as the thought pained him. He didn’t wish for the other to suffer alone but knowing N, he would most likely start some soul-searching journey around the regions.

Maybe everything would be alright, eventually.

[grimaphotic]

8) what are you looking for here?

"N, c’mon. Lets get out of here." N could hear Touya mutter as a hand latched onto his elbow and pulled. The green haired male took no time to tug himself out of Touya’s grasp and stand up by himself. "Come on, N. This place seriously gives me the creeps." He pleaded again.

"We can’t leave yet." N insisted in a low tone as he shuffled to a pile of junk and began to dig. He had to find it, it had to be here.

"What are you even looking for?" Touya eyed his friend over curiously before his gaze wondered around the room cautiously.

For some reason N had been very insistent on returning to the Plasma Castle. He seemed to be searching for something but whenever Touya tried to ask he would either be ignored or N would mutter something under his breath. Usually he wouldn’t push N for answers so he had just shrugged it off.

Again, he had gotten no response from the older male. With a sigh Touya walked over to N and crouched beside him. “You know I could help you look if you would tell me what you’re looking for.” A sigh. “What if I’ve already seen it but didn’t know it was what you were looking for?”

N seemed to pause in consideration to Touya’s statement. Of course the consideration was quickly shrugged off with an “I don’t need help.”

"Then why did you drag me along." Touya crossed his arms and quirked an eyebrow at the stubborn man. "You don’t want my help and you’re not being very social so definitely didn’t bring me to keep you company."

"I couldn’t come here alone…"

(I don’t remember where I was going with this)

[grimaphotic]

Bruises - Chairlift

Haruka was an idiot, Takane decided as she grabbed a frozen pack of strawberries out of the freezer and returned outside.

"We’re out of ice so this will have to do." She let out an exasperated sigh and placed the frozen bag against Haruka’s grass stained knees. "Just what were you trying to accomplish?"

"I had never tried to do a handstand before…" He scratched his cheek shyly. "Since I was always too weak when I was young."

"You’re still pretty weak though. What made you think you could do it?" She mentally punched herself. Ok so that was probably a bit harsh to say.

"I guess since I’m older I thought I could do it." He chuckled softly and fiddled with the corner of the bag, lowering his tone before he continued. "Plus you make me really happy. Like I could do anything. So I felt like I could do it."

Takane could feel her face heat up at that remark. “Uh! Ah! I’ll be right back! I need to, ah, grab more ice for that… Bruise. Yeah.” Flustered excuses left her mouth as she scrambled away, retreating back to the kitchen as if returning back to the last save point.

The cornering situation she was put into. How exactly was she meant to deal with that? She buried her face in her hand with embarrassment, blaming her warm smile on shock.

[grimaphotic]

Waiting for the world to end - mother mother

"I regret to inform you but today the world will end."

Takane sat in the classroom, Haruka in the usual spot beside her.

"Haru."

The boy snapped his head up, drool dripping from the corners of his mouth and a sleepy, confused look to his eyes.

'And I'm supposed to be the sleepy one.' She rolled her eyes.

"Haru." She repeated in a more quiet tone. "What would you regret most if the world were to end today?"

The boy furrowed his eyebrows in deeper confusion. A smile graced his lips as he pointed a finger up in preparation to speak his regrets.

"I would regret not eating more exotic foods." He grinned as Takane frowned.

"Idiot." She clenched her teeth. "Be serious!"

"Fine fine!" Haruka lifted his hands up in defense. "There’s not a lot I would regret but… There is one big thing I would regret…"

"And that would be…?" She inquired.

He only smiled sheepishly, finding his fingers very interesting as a light blush dusted his pale skin.

"Haru…?" She raised an eyebrow at him, expectant of an answer.

"It’s a secret. For now." He whispered, daring to meet Takane’s eyes for a split second before retreating his gaze back to his fingers that were now busy tangling with each other in a somewhat nervous manner.

"Tell me." She ordered with a pout.

"I can’t."

The inevitable hands-on-desk slam as she stood up dramatically.

"Tell me!" She demanded, her pout growing as she added in a whisper; "I want to know…"

————

'Its too late.' The thought tumbled through his mind.

The world had almost ended, reminding him of that day in class when Takane had questioned him.

He would laugh if the feeling of sadness wasn’t as overwhelming. He had died and the regret had come true.

"— Takane, I love you."

——-

(I haven’t even finished it but I accidentally saw the ending so sorry if it isn’t accurate i just… Wrote hi)

[grimaphotic]

Agitado: Agitated or Restless.

They had gotten into another big fight. This would happen less frequently now that Leo had taken the place as his servant but it was still going to happen. Like now for example.

After their argument, Elliot had stomped up into his room, slamming the door behind him. He stared at the pajamas on his bed, that Leo had doubtlessly laid out earlier, before pushing them aside and simply laying down in his day clothes.

It was uncomfortable but he was too stubborn to change into the clothes that the cause of his anger had left out for him.

As he lay there, his rage began to dwindle and he did in fact feel guilty for his harsh words. Elliot wanted to go apologize but his pride was stopping him from slipping off the bed. He knew that soon enough they would both mutter out apologies for their ridiculous behavior anyway.

Before he could suck up his pride and apologize, light from the slowly opening door began to pool in the room before it was closed again. Gentle footsteps sounded towards him and stopped only when the mattress dipped down. The figure sat there quietly for a few minutes before speaking up though Elliot didn’t need to hear a voice to know who it was.

"Y’know you shouldn’t sleep in your day clothes. I doubt that’s very comfortable." Leo spoke quietly with a touch of humor in his voice. The only response he got was a half hearted grunt from Elliot that still managed to bring a small smile to his lips. "I guess I’ll apologize first; since your pride is too strong for that." He laughed weakly and brought his knees to his chest. "I’m sorry."

Elliot knew Leo was apologizing for the fight but for some reason, perhaps the way he said it, it seemed as if he was apologizing for so much more. What that was, Elliot didn’t have the slightest clue. Though thoughts of the chasm incident popped into his mind but he brushed it off. His mind was too tired for this.

"I apologize as well…" Elliot spoke quietly, words trailing off as he felt the weight beside him shift and lay down. Leo pressed his back against Elliot’s, a soundless tear rolling down his cheek, accompanied by a sad smile.

"Sorry."

[grimaphotic]

Acompagnato: Accompanied; also a recitative that is accompanied by orchestra.

Leo was used to being alone, huddled up in his secluded spot in the House of Fianna’s tiny library. It only had three rows of shelves that were barely even filled but Leo would read them a thousand times before ever growing bored of them.

Sometimes- only sometimes -did Leo wish he had someone to share the book’s adventures with; to discuss the character dynamics, the plot upbuild, the world building, etc. He had thought about trying to share the stories with the other kids but they were much to young. He hadn’t even bothered to try.

With Elliot, everything was different.

The scion was content to listen to Leo’s in depth breakdowns of stories and the characters. Even if he pretended to not be interested, the gleam of curiosity still shone in his eyes. Though he did not seem all to amused when Leo did an in depth review of the Holy Knight series. (He called it mediocre; too cliche and a bunch more insults to Elliot’s dismay.)

Still, as they would share songs, they would share stories as well. Giving opinions, with the inevitable arguments over the inevitable clashing opinions. They were complete opposites; of course they would be lucky to share similar views.

[grimaphotic]

Ancora: Again, as a request to repeat a performance.

Again. Leo wished he could do it all again. A do-over to stop Elliot from going into the chasm. Maybe he could at least stop Elliot from going to Isla Yura’s mansion.

It was selfish and he knew it. If Ellioy hadn’t gone to the mansion and died, many other would have passed on and a tragedy would have redone itself.

No, that would have been useless.

Elliot, even if he had just been sitting at home, would have died anyway. The wounds inflicted on Humpty Dumpty by Oz and company would still have killed Elliot eventually.

It would have to be the chasm incident no doubt that Leo would have to redo and avoid. If he had a time machine he would talk Elliot into not going, one way or another.

That would have been completely selfish as well. Oz and company wouldn’t have been able to end Humpty Dumpty at Isla Yura’s mansion. It would have continued.

At least Elliot wouldn’t have had to kill his beloved siblings, as much as they were against his best friend as his servant.

The thoughts hurt Leo’s head. He wished and prayed he could go back and stop that incident from happening. He missed his master, his best friend, his equal.

He just wanted to see Elliot once more.

[grimaphotic]

A Tempo: An directive to return to the original tempo after a deliberate deviation

Elliot could be defined as an unstable tempo.

One moment he would be a soft melody; calm and almost wise in his words. The next moment he was a raging symphony, full of anger and emotions.

Though that was simply put.

Elliot’s life rhythm was complicated, for a lack of a better word. Constant deviations would alter the natural rhythm; the majority of them were not intentional though,

No, the deliberate deviations consisted of a blankness in the form of a monster. The chain would take hold of Elliot, an emptiness filling his eyes and memory-lacking mind set on protection.

After the deed was done, Elliot would once again return to tempo, his eyes filling with their usual determination and his goals becoming rational once again.

Unknown to the deviation beforehand, he would continue in his usual tempo.