Granny is Pissed!

Crazy, Weird, and Funny Quotes from Grumpy Grandma

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

C'mon, you rude-ass cold bathroom! YOU'RE RUDE!!

Mom

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

I gotta take a HORRENDOUS shit! But I'm AFRAID!!

Mom

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

Colly-TONK it! Colly-cock FUCK it! End the project! END THE PROJECT RIGHT NOW! I'M GETTING TIRED OF IT!!

Mom, after failing to fix her couch with shoe polish...

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

Herpes-mouth BITCH! NO! SHE HAD A HERPES-MOUTH!!

Mom, at the FedEx lady for wildly ringing our doorbell.

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

I don't think we're gonna be able to do that, as much as I'd like to...

Mom, after I suggested that we starve rather than spend money on food.

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

Name: Tony. Workplace: My Toilet. Position: Shitter.

Me, on a dating site.

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

I keep finding roach guts under my carpet! I think the cat puts roaches under my carpet and then kills them with his FAT!!

Mom

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

Y'know, chuck roast? Wait. I don't like the word 'chuck' today. I'm gonna use the word 'fuck'! So, y'know fuck-roast? Fuck-roast is a tender cut of meat!

Mom

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

No, he's a PUKE! THAT GEORGE PUKE DIDN'T FIX MY PIZZA RIGHT!!

Mom, after dude forgot her extra cheese.

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

OH to the FUCK no!!

Mom, after I asked if she voted.

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

I'm a PATHETIC BITCH! SHIT, I put MYSELF down! I'm an OLD, PATHETIC BITCH!!

Mom. Why, I don't even...

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

Me: "Some 'long food', huh?"

Mom: "YEAH! That food didn't last us long for SHIT!"

Me: "And NOW we're OUT!"

Mom: "...it was good, though."

Me: "Yeah! It was a little TOO good. NOW we're FUCKED!!"

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

Every time I open the fridge, an angel loses its wings.

Me, about our empty refrigerator

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

I bit my fuckin' LIPS, you ASSHOLE!!

Mom

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

We're so fucked up, any actors who try to play us in our movie's gonna RUIN THEIR CAREERS!

Me, about my family

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

Me: "Go make me some pie!"

Mom: HEH. That'll be a COLD DAY IN HELL! Gotta be in a REAL GOOD MOOD to make a bitch some pie... Or DO I? "

Me: "..."

[grumpygrandmaquotes]

Yeah! That shit sounds like a TOWN!!

Mom about "North West Kardashian"