I Want To Go Back To My Home Planet

I'm CiarrahRylly-Taurus-Earth Sign- Witch I like aliens plants my man and drugs

[memory-dealer]

[gucciluxe-deactivated20171106]

if ur gonna date me u gotta be comfortable with a lot of casual silence bc i just never fucking talk

[moonlightandmarble]

I swing wildly between never shutting the hell up and turning into a stump

[legislacerator]

i can’t believe how many people in their mid-20s are buying the amazon alexa and like hooking it up to their home security systems and lights and phone and shit like i know we all saw the 1999 disney channel original movie smart house. they warned us and you are playing with fire

[ultrafacts]

Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

[swablu]

which is even funnier because she’s the reason lesbians are called lesbians. she was know as sappho of lesbos and her poems were all about her love for women

[blackwoolncrown]

no im totally not a lesbo my super actual husband is dick allcocks from man island i’m megahet

[craighorky]

[s-gellar]

[soulmoriii-deactivated20200313]

[spoiledchestnut]

Alien: You shouldn’t eat that.

Human: What?

Alien: That thing. Don’t you know it’s extremely acidic? Enough to cause eventual deterioration of your flesh?

Human: ….it’s a fucking pineapple.

[hornygold]

Alien: But that thing contains bromelain, it’ll destroy your body’s proteins!

Human: Not if I digest the bromelain first.

Alien: Humans are insane!

[crazy-pages]

“Not if I digest it first” is an official human motto, in close competition with “not if I pet it first”.

[deadcatwithaflamethrower]

It is always nice to rediscover that “Not if I kill it first” actually runs in THIRD place for human impulses, not first or second.

[kayclau]

Alien: Dude! Your blood is pouring out!

Human: No, don’t worry! It’s absolutely fine! I just cut myself cooking.

Alien: Bacteria is going to eat you from the inside out!

Human: No! I’m okay, I swear! I just need to wash the wound and put a bandage.

Alien: But your inners! They’re exposed now!

Human: My flesh will close itself in a week or so.

Alien: WHAT!!!!!!

[off-with-the-faeries]

[themaiajae]

x

[off-with-the-faeries]

[themaiajae]

x

[psycolourgyy]

[yourejustanotherversionofme]

Let’s talk briefly about how gay Hallie was for tie-dye tomboy with the cool hair.

Hella.

[understands]

[hellyeah-theoffice]

[nothingreallymakesmehappy]

[grungering]

me: *summons a demon*

demon: FOR WHAT PURPOSE DID YOU SUMMON THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE VOKULE?

me: girls night?

demon: OH FUCK YEAH GIRLS NIGHT!

[1000drawings]

by Nina Stajner