✘ Circa ─ Late November 2018.
✘ Trigger Warnings ─ drinking, drugs, excessive partying, grieving, heartbreak/post-breakup, hallucinations, angst.
It had been a week since Arlo broke up with her and Antonia wasn’t doing good at all. Before that she had at least been leaving her rooms at the Rossi home to visit her, but now, now she didn’t, she didn’t eat, she didn’t talk, she barely moved. Until tonight that is. Antonia felt a rush of anger, of energy that she hadn’t had since the break up, actually since the death of her parents.
She wasn’t coping, and she was ignoring everything. Her feelings, her advisors, everything and focused on the numb. But she wasn’t numb. She was in agony and she hated it with every fiber of her being. The memories flashing through her mind, the conversations she had with the traitor guard, her father, watching her mother die in front of her eyes, the news about the fire her father caused killing himself and the others. She was in excruciating pain and there was no medicine to help her.
The young princess was pacing her room, she was running off caffeine and adrenaline at the moment, she didn’t know where the energy came from, but she wasn’t questioning it. Suddenly her phone beeped. She had sent out a mass text to all her old party ‘friends’. They weren’t actually friends, but they knew they best places to get drunk and high so she hung out with them.
‘𝘖𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝟩𝟩𝟤 𝘝𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘙𝘥 𝟣𝟢𝘱𝘮’ was the response she received and checking the time it was 9:30pm. She threw on the pair of jeans and tank she could find before grabbing the red leather jacket her mother had gotten her for her most recent birthday. Getting out had been easy, the guards were complacent and used to her not sneaking out now so it was easy for her to take her old route and not have to get creative.
By the time she arrived nearly an hour later the party was in full swing and she immediately grabbed the nearest drink. She partied and she partied hard. She had no intention of getting laid despite the various people attempting to pull her away. She was still in love with Arlo, and that wasn’t going to go away anytime soon despite the breakup.
The drugs started after she found Enzo, her dealer and informant to this particular party. She took pills, she had found that she didn’t like snorting, so pills and injections were her preference. She was reckless and in pain despite the abundance of alcohol and now drugs in her system, she took more pills then she should have. Reckless.
The world blurred in and out of focus, colors flashes before her eyes. And she felt herself falling.
She felt like her head had been stuffed with cotton as she forced herself into a sitting position. She blinked, confused, why was she in her family’s cabin outside Bolzano? “What?” She muttered swinging her legs off the bed. How had she gotten here, wasn’t she just at a party in Naples?
“Antonia?” The musical voice of her mother drifted through the halls. The cabin had belonged to her family, a middle class family with no titles or significant wealth. A peasant who had climbed the ranks by falling pregnant with the child of a Prince of Italy. The small family adored the cabin for its cozy size, Antonia adored it.
“M-mom?” Her breath caught in her throat and the woman walked through the door. Antonia looked so much like her mother, truthfully it was obvious that they were mother and daughter. The only aspect of her appearance that was so obviously her mother was her eyes. Those were her fathers.
“What have I told you about partying so hard, hm? You’re a mess, bunny.” Her words barely registered with the teen. She was being scolded by her mother, something she didn’t think she’d ever hear again.
“How? How are you here? I saw you die.” She rubbed her eyes hard, convinced that she was seeing things. How else could this be explained?
“Bunny, you’re high off your ass. You’re lucky you’re not dead or overdosing right now with how much you have in your system.” She cringed at the disappointment in her gaze and shifted her own eyes somewhere else.
“So this isn’t real? Just some hallucination?” Skepticism laced her tone, she didn’t want it to be real, yet it sounded so likely, and she didn’t like that idea.
“It’s real, to you. You’re passed out on some couch in a warehouse, but this is real to you even if it isn’t truly happening.” Blinking, she felt a migraine start form. What was with the riddles?
“Is, is Dad here?” Her tongue dabbed her dry lips before she swallowed hard. What if he wasn’t? What if he hated her? This was her subconscious right? What if he blamed her because it was her mind, her fears driving this?
“Of course, bunny. He’s out back painting. Why don’t we join him?” Nodding, she stood stiffly and followed her mother out the back. Her breath caught again as she saw him. She hated this, the torture that this all was. She missed them so much, and this wasn’t making it any easier.
“Daddy?” Her voice cracked, quiet and vulnerable filled with the anguish she was feeling. It was like slow motion as he turned around, why hadn’t she reacted this way to her mother? Maybe. Maybe it was because he was absent most of her life while her mother had been there. It made the moments she had with him all the more special.
“Come on bunny, what do you think?” That silly grin was on his lips, something he had always reserved for her. Time and time again she was told that she was the most important thing in his life, the only thing he completely and truly loved. He loved her mother, respected her, but was in love with her like husbands loved their wives. It was convenient for them, easier for them both. Not love. Never love. She was their love, they always said.
She took a few steps forward, arms wrapped around herself in a tight self-hug. A small laugh escaped her lips and the tears that had been pooling in her eyes started to fall. “I love it.” And it was true. He had painted the carnival he once took her too when she was nine right before he went into hiding. It had been the last full day they had, had with each other. “I love it so much. I miss you and mom more than anything.”
A sob rose in her chest and forced its way out, a hand clamping down as she tried to keep it in. She felt two sets of arms around her as she was pulled face first into her father’s chest. “I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I’m so, so sorry.” Soft mutters of comfort were whispered into her ears on either side by both parent.
“It’s not your fault bunny. It’s really not. So don’t don’t blame yourself, Antonia. I mean it.” Rough hands pulled her gaze up to meet matching blue eyes. “Antonia Siena Rossi, you are the best thing to happen to your mother and I, understand?”
She nodded her head until she saw the stern look in her dad's eyes. “I understand.” He nodded, a happy look replacing the serious one.
“Now. Let’s have fun until you wake up, yeah?” She nodded and grabbed her moms hand so she had contact with them both.
Head pounding and filled with cotton, Antonia sat up from the musty couch and looked around the dead warehouse. She didn’t remember passing out and looked around. Some people were asleep of the floor and the lights were no longer flashing nor was the music playing. It was quiet, and she was grateful as her head was like lead. Her hangover was immense. Reaching up to rub the creases above her eyes, she felt dried tears on her face and frowned. Why had she been crying? What happened last night?
