Tim: We have fun, don’t we, Brian?
Brian: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.
Jonny: In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
Jonny: What makes a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
Jonny: A stab wound.
Nastya: *seductively takes off glasses*
Nastya: Wow...
Marius: *blushes* Haha... what?
Nastya: You're really fucking blurry.
Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.
Tim, with Marius and Raphaella behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!
Police: Yes…three.
Tim: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?
Police: Wha-
Tim: Jonny FUCKING FELL OFF!
Marius: Hey, can we stay in your rooms tonight?
Jonny: Why?
Marius: Ivy fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours.
Nastya: Ashes doesn't know how to banish spirits, so they just throw salt at them and yell "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"
^ how ghost in the machine really went
Nastya: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might.
Jonny: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-
Ivy: What's the signal when something goes wrong?
Jonny: We yell, 'oh shit.'
Nastya: ...That'll work.
Ivy: Tim! I thought you were dead!
Tim: No, just in deep cover.
Ivy: ...But it was an open casket.
Tim: It was very deep.
Marius: Hey, you want a tarot reading?
Brian: Those are Pokemon cards.
Marius: You got a magikarp.
Brian: ...
Marius: It means 'fuck you'.
Jonny: Brian! For the love of god, please turn down that music. I have a hangover.
Brian: *blasting the mii theme at full volume* That sounds like a you problem, not a mii problem.
[Jonny then gets out his harmonica]
Toy Soldier: Do you take constructive criticism?
Raphaella: No, only cash or credit.
Toy Soldier: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
Jonny: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.
Tim: What?
Jonny: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?
Marius: Change is inedible.
Brian: Don’t you mean inevitable?
Marius, spitting out a bunch of pennies: No, I really didn’t.
Ashes: Do not come over to my house. If the house is on fire you may knock once, if I don’t answer assume I set the fire and I want to burn to death.
Raphaella: *spins around in chair ominously* I’ve been expecting y- *chair continues to spin* shit *tries to stop spinning* shit *tries to grab a table to stop spinning* sHIT *falls out of chair*
Ashes: Lyf, when’s your birthday?
Lyf: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?
Ashes: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.
yeah it took a bit for lyf to adjust to life on the Aurora
*after the Squad has been separated for a few years*
Tim: So what have you been up to recently?
Ashes: Leading a revolution with Marius.
Tim: Good for you two! Me, I've joined the mob.
Ashes: *nods* Oh, how cool! That's awesome!
Tim: I know! Anyway, have you heard from the others? Brian?
Ashes: Happily living as a hermit in the woods. Raphaella?
Tim: Wrongfully locked up in an asylum, which reminds me, we need to break them out later. Toy Soldier?
Ashes: Cult leader.
Tim: Yeah, that sounds about right
Jonny: Ashes is at that very special age where a kid only has one thing on their mind.
Brian: Boys? Girls? Nonbinary people? Romance in general?
Ashes: Homicide.
Lyf: Why are you guys acting like this?
Raphaella: Oh, we're not acting. We really are like this.
Lyf, wearing shades: Rule one of destroying the world.
Lyf: *does finger guns* You gotta look good while doing it.
wasn't that just the plot of TBI
Raphaella: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing.
Ivy: Are you a software update? because not right now.
Brian: So, everyone, what does a story NEED?
Tim: A character!
Marius: A setting!
Ashes, a gleam in their eyes, in a near-whisper: REVENGE.
Lyf: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me.
Marius: But did I make you cry?
Lyf: cries on the spot
Marius: …Shit.
Jonny: I have locked Brian in a cage designed by their own art. Oh, they have been well and truly hoist by their own petard.
Tim: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that.
Jonny: I’m blackmailing them.
Tim: Oh, happy days.
Jonny, texting Tim: Any plans for tonight?
Tim: No.
Jonny: Loser.
Nastya: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.
Ivy: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Raphaella: Are you alright?
Nastya: Short answer or long answer?
Raphaella: Short?
Nastya: No.
Raphaella: Long?
Nastya: Nooooooo.
Ivy: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Brian made me get tested.
Brian: Why can’t we all just get along?
Tim: Because most of us are assholes, Brian.
Ashes: *holding a salt packet* It’s just a little sodium chloride.
Ivy: Actually Ashes, it’s salt.
Ashes: That’s what I said, sodium chloride.
Ivy: Uh Ashes, that would be salt.
Ivy: *takes salt packer from Ashes* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.
Marius: *slowly pushes a cannon into a 17th century bank* Okay everyone, be cool. This is a robbery.
Brian: Christmas lights?
Marius: Check.
Nastya: Thermos of hot cocoa?
Marius: Check.
Raphaella: Santa suits?
Marius: Check.
Tim: Shovel?
Marius: Check.
Jonny: Alibi and bail money?
Marius: Check- wait, WHAT?!
Marius: No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess?
Raphaella: Your life?
Marius: I- well yes, but-
Nastya: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.
Jonny, Tim, Ashes, and Marius: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!
Raphaella: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.
Tim: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.
Marius: Wasps?
Toy Soldier: Terriers?
Raphaella: Toy Soldier.