This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@gunsonyalls
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life
I found the legendary Egg Cuber. Oddities Note: What?? Why?? I never once looked at an egg and wished it was square. But…I want to try it….
quinn-the-human:
zonepan:
badgersprite:
guardian:
“I didn’t start publishing Pennsylvania’s Orange Street News so that people would think I’m cute. I want to get the truth to people, even if it makes grownups mad,” says 9-year-old Hilde Kate Lysiak, publisher of and reporter for the Orange Street News.
After reporting on a suspected homicide in Selinsgrove, Pa., Hilde was harassed by “disgusted” adults commenting on her site, saying her time would be better spent at tea parties and playing with dolls.
Hilde has something to say, and she takes no prisoners, firing back at her aging critics, with a video and in her column for the Guardian.
how pathetic do you have to be to pick on a literal nine year old
hired.
She reported this homicide before MAJOR NEWS OUTLETS had even heard of it. She’s tenacious and strong.
Godspeed Hilde
Adults complain about our generation not doing anything, and then they tell young kids that they shouldn’t be doing great things
Yes babygirl 🙌🏽
I expect to see her on a major news outlet one day.
Keep her safe!
chilling
What kind of sushi is this? (via fairysoda)
im alive but only ironically
Found at Brunswick Goodwill Brunswick, OH
Patrick was a fake ass friend to spongebob. He was a bitch
Source?
episode where Patrick fam came over and sponegbob pretended to be dumb for him and Patrick flip flop ass started making fun of him.
Patrick was cold for that
And that episode where Mr Krabs gave them both a toy to share and he selfishly dodged and ignored SpongeBob to keep it for himself? TRIFLING
EXACTLY Patrick ain’t never been a true friend
real friends……how many of us?
And the time he ate his fucking chocolate bar & tried to jack spongebob for his.. nah son
Patrick did spongebob dirty so many times smh he a Gemini
Patrick has no self awareness.
what about when his slug wanted to be friends with patrick and he just ditched spongebob and clowned on him for it
When they were raising the clam together and Patrick kept leavin spongebob all day with the baby so he could watch tv smh
When patrick made spongebob believe he was ugly when he just had some bad breath
Wasn’t Patrick the one that ditched Spongebob in the advanced darkness at the bottom of the sea?
we’re pulling out the receipts tonight
& quit your job & don't do laundry. #offensiveteetime advice edition. (at Vilano Beach, Florida)
It's grey and chilly but that's not stopping us. (at Poe's Tavern - Atlantic Beach)
Stay smart, kids.
Today has been a rough one. We went for a routine check and were told that nala most likely has cancer. I'm sorry for every dinner I didn't split with you and for every time I didn't let you hog the whole bed. I sure hope they're wrong because I don't know what I'll do if they're not.
Advice for girls: buy skinny jeans in the boy’s section
They’re more comfortable, still form fitting, and best of all: THE POCKETS. THEY HAVE ACTUAL POCKETS.
don’t believe me? look:
these are boys pants, and they look just as good on me as any other skinny jeans I own
See that phone? I’m going to put it in the pocket. Must be so small right??
Ah yes, girl pants length. Probably can’t fit any further than that-
what? what’s this?
Good god. Oh good lord in heaven. This is blasphemous.
Look at how much room is still there. There’s chaos in the streets. Babies are crying. Fashion designers are screaming out of fear of the unknown.
Buy your pants in the boys section, girls. Live in the beautiful world you deserve where you can fit shit in your pocket.
Curvy ladies: Men’s dress pants have more room in the butt. I don’t know why, I only know that all my dress pants for work are off the rack in the men’s department in Target. Literally nobody has noticed, except a couple of my younger coworkers who’ve asked me–you guessed it–”oh my god, where did you find pants with pockets?”
Tall ladies: men’s pants are easier to find in longer lengths than women’s pants are.
Trans ladies: Wanna get on this gravy train, but afraid people will misgender you for wearing clothes off the men’s racks? Step one: tell me who these people are and I will punch them in the face. Step two: if it doesn’t make you dysphoric, please don’t feel obligated to wear pants off the women’s racks if pants off the men’s racks are more comfy/useful to you. I’m a cis woman who’s been wearing pants from the boys’ section and, later, the men’s section, ever since I hit puberty and in thirteen years maybe, maybe half a dozen people have noticed. And it’s always women asking the oh-my-god-pockets question. You’re all good. <3
Fat ladies: you will pay the same for a pair of 42x32 jeans as for a pair of 34x32 jeans, instead of having to pay some kind of Fat Penance Tax by way of being in the “plus size” section. Also, did I mention more room in the butt?
Ladies concerned about modesty: For obvious reasons, there is more crotch space in men’s pants. Embrace it and enjoy a life free from cameltoe worries and spontaneous labia-wedgies when you squat down.
All ladies: I swear to god the waists in women’s pants these days are made specifically to fit exactly nobody so that no matter what you do, your underwear will show. Men’s pants do not do this. The waists sit where they’re supposed to and will actually lay flat against the small of your back instead of flopping open to show your unmentionables to the world. If you want hiphugger jeans, buy one leg-length too small and one waist-size too large and let them hang, and they still won’t accidentally show your undies. Men’s pants will last longer. They cost less, in a lot of cases. Embrace the men’s jeans. Buy the men’s jeans. Stop buying shitty flimsy women’s jeans that wear out in six months.
AND FINALLY: to determine your size in men’s pants, take a tape measure around your waist at its smallest point. This is your waist size and will be the first number in a pair of men’s pants. Next, take the tape measure from about an inch below your no-no squares parts, and run it to your ankle. (You may need a friend or parent to help with this.) This is your inseam length, and will be the second number on a pair of men’s pants. Men’s and boys’ pants are tailored the same way, so if you have trouble finding your waist size in men’s, hop over to the boys’ section. Feel no shame. If they’d give us decent fucking pants we wouldn’t have to steal theirs, right?
Listen you guys, I am SO MAD ABOUT THIS. I’ve seen this first post before, and recently my mom said, “Hey, did you see that post on Tumblr about shopping for jeans in the men’s department?”
And I said yeah, I’d seen it, I’ve been through the Trying To Fit Clothes On My Stupid Body wars, and this post really only applied to skinny jeans because they’re so stretchy. It couldn’t possibly work for regular jeans! I have TRIED SO MANY TIMES. I’ve always shopped in the men’s department because women’s clothes are like 90% bullshit and 10% fake pockets.
But I hadn’t seen the second addition, which gave me more hope, and I decided to just try on a few pairs when I was at Old Navy the other day. They have some “classic” jeans with no give to them at all, which is what I was trying on years ago that convinced me it just wasn’t possible. (Jeans in my price range didn’t really come with any form of stretch back then, as I recall. Textile technology is bad-ass.) But these days they mostly have “flex” jeans that have some give to them. (Women’s jeans are usually labeled “stretch” but apparently men’s have to be “flex” like they need stretchy garments so their HUGE MUSCLES don’t just TEAR THEIR CLOTHES!)
This was totally an impulse decision so I couldn’t measure myself, but I grabbed a few sizes based on what I vaguely thought my measurements probably were and decided it couldn’t possibly be worse than the endless cycle of regret, dissatisfaction, and recrimination that is trying on women’s clothing.
The first pair I tried on fit like a DREAM. I’ve been gaining weight lately which is a whole separate nightmare (mainly centered around “but I don’t WANT to buy new bras, this is bullshit!”) and the reason I need to buy new jeans because nothing freaking fits me, and I was sure these wouldn’t either, but DAMN. They’re the best pair of jeans I own. Twice as thick, pockets twice as big, legs nice and loose (they don’t even sell women’s jeans with a cut remotely similar to this), and contrary to my super dumb opinion from before this experience, they’ve got my plenty of room for all my womanly curvey bits. AND because they’re actually a relaxed fit instead of trying to cling to every inch of me, they don’t show my weight nearly as much as my women’s jeans do, they’re easier to move in, they’re not constantly inching down my hips with every move I make, and overall they just make me feel GOOD about how I look which is a strange new sensation I could definitely get used to.
It’s like a miracle. I want to cry both out of joy and because of all the shitty jeans now filling my closet when I could have been buying comfortable, relaxed, pocket-having men’s jeans all these years. Many blessings to the posters above, may your crops grow and your cows give milk and your jeans hold all the gadgets you desire.