The Revenge of Shaken & Stirred

Gwenda Bond: New York Times bestselling author of romantasy, rom-coms, fantasy and other things. Possible escapee from a screwball comedy. This is yet another place I put things online. Visit the home turf at www.gwendabond.com for more details on my stuff and to sign up to get regular updates on my substack gwendabond.substack.com!

[austinkleon]

[gwendabond]

Dear Reader: With all the changes in the digital air and what I’m feeling is substack fatigue, I tried to unpack what I think is going on, give a brief history of me on the internet, and also convince you to join my newsletter anyway (always free). Swipe to see the deluxe prize pack of signed book, pocket broom(!), and sticker I’ll be giving away to one existing subscriber and one person who signs up this week. Link on image, in bio and stories. 💜💕 https://www.instagram.com/p/CqQRgaHrlnR/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[gwendabond]

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[gwendabond]

Any Witch Way - Mr. & Mrs. Witch Pub Day and why I love Witches

“To all of us who ever tried to twitch our noses and make things happen” That’s from the dedication to Mr. & Mrs. Witch, my new novel out today. And, if you’ve ever seen Bewitched, or even a clip of Bewitched, I bet you know exactly what I mean. I thought instead of telling you — again — just about the book, I’d instead write about why I love witches and why I think they’re having a moment…

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[gwendabond]

Finished copies are here! And they are sooooo pretty! And, no, this part never gets old. Less than a month till she’s out! Swipe for more pretties and a reminder how to get signed preorders with bonus sticker. Also shared the dedication, which might be to some of you — and to @samhumphries and @kamigarcia. Now off to test for Covid due to a close exposure…and isolate for a couple of days regardless…which is way less fun than SHINY NEW BOOK! 💜 🧹🔮💜 https://www.instagram.com/p/CoaVnhmgxNu/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[gwendabond]

MR & MRS WITCH preorder campaign goodness! Hit the top link in my bio to preorder your copy of MR & MRS WITCH from my local indie @josephbethlex — choose whether you want them to ship it to you or pick up in store, add any personalization details in the comments, and voila! You will get a signed, personalized book AND an exclusive bonus sticker for your laptop or fridge or your enemy’s back — aka wherever you like! C.R.O.N.E. is the organization heroine Savvy is part of and it’s a whole mood for 2023. Go make with the clicks! And if you’re local, I hope to see you at Joseph-Beth on March 7. 🧙‍♀️ 🔮 🧹 https://www.instagram.com/p/CmwfsU9LZ54/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[billie-book]

Y’all, this book is so cute and has the best cat ever. Really and for true. You should order your copy now and get yourself a sticker and banter and magic and the aforementioned best cat ever.

[gwendabond]

I love @billie-book and this made me very happy!

[gwendabond]

MR & MRS WITCH preorder campaign goodness! Hit the top link in my bio to preorder your copy of MR & MRS WITCH from my local indie @josephbethlex — choose whether you want them to ship it to you or pick up in store, add any personalization details in the comments, and voila! You will get a signed, personalized book AND an exclusive bonus sticker for your laptop or fridge or your enemy’s back — aka wherever you like! C.R.O.N.E. is the organization heroine Savvy is part of and it’s a whole mood for 2023. Go make with the clicks! And if you’re local, I hope to see you at Joseph-Beth on March 7. 🧙‍♀️ 🔮 🧹 https://www.instagram.com/p/CmwfsU9LZ54/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[sarahmaclean]

The most important question I ask myself while writing romance, five years apart and much classier now, thanks to Kate Clayborn's incredible needlepoint skills.

I'm a conflict writer (this will surprise no one, as I feel like you'd be hard pressed to find a romance writer who loves an explosion more than me), so this question is my lodestar when I work. I ask myself after every scene: Why Can't They Be Together Right Now. This isn't a vague question for me while I'm writing -- I literally write the answer down in a notebook.

"Chapter 1, Scene 1: They haven't met yet."

"Chapter 7, Scene 2: He's just been stabbed. Right now is not a good time."

"Chapter 18, Scene 1: He thinks she deserves someone far better than he is (dummy)."

The goal is for the reasons to evolve and change, and reflect both what I think of as the plot (what's going on externally in the book) and the story (what's happening internally in the book).

If the answer is the same for too long (say, two or three chapters?), I know the book is lagging, and I have to amp it all up.

[therecipelibrary]

All I want for my birthday is to know what the heck this looked like.

-Wright's Book of 3000 Practical Receipts circa 1860s

[thebuffyfiles]

[dormouseking]

This is what being over 25 on this website feels like

[catsofyore]

Cheerful pal from a 1960s Polish matchbox label. Source.

[lemonsharks]

My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

[sighinastorm]

I like this so much better than the idea that our ancestors would be embarrassed or ashamed of us for being “soft” or some crap like that.

[therinde-dreams]

My ancestors, watching me stuff my face with fried chicken while studying: She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar. WE MADE IT

[idhren]

She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar

[villainous-queer-deactivated202]

My ancestors watching me use my stand mixer while living in a small apartment and attending university: Thou hast kneadeth bread in FOUR hail marys??? FOUR??? And thou ist poor as a churchmouse, yet liveth in a fine cottage with four pounds butter and fresh berries in thy larder!! And two featherbeds! And thou attendeth the King’s college, as a lord!!

[lagt-duck]

My ancestors being like:

Look at this fine young lady! She can paint she can sew and embrody, she sings and read

And without a wealthy father to pay for that, plus she is florid in the body! She doesn’t know hunger!

We did it!

[ruffboi-mags]

Me: /wearily studying/

My Ancestors: TRULY SH— what? They? A little unorthodox, but reasonable I suppose. TRULY THEY PROSPER, FOR THEY LIVE IN A DWELLING WITH MANY ROOMS AND ONLY THEIR SPOUSE TO SHARE IT WITH! THEY HAVE DOGS WHO DO NOT PERFORM A FUNCTION! THEY HAVE MANY BOOKS AND DO NOT HAVE TO SPIN THEIR OWN YARN! THEY BATHE AT A WHIM WITH GENTLE SOAP FREE OF LYE! OUR DESCENDANT BRINGS HONOR AND PRIDE TO OUR LINEAGE!

Me: /yawns and sips my coffee/

My Ancestors: /cheer wildly/

[shadow-daughter]

Me: *hunched over at my desk nursing a headache.*

My Ancestors: “Truly, we prosper; see here, our infirm descendant need not even work on her poor days, but has the luxury to rest as she sees need! A doctor attends to her illnesses; her clothes are warm and free of pests; she cares for exotic and dangerous animals within her own home! We have found the height of luxury!”

[amuseoffyre]

Me: *treats myself to a pineapple and a bunch of bananas*

My Georgian ancestors: ZOOTH SHE HAS BOUGHT A PINEAPPLE! NOT MERELY BORROWED ONE! TRULY SHE HAS ACHIEVED FAR MORE THAN WE COULD KNOW!

[captainlordauditor]

me: [puts on warm socks and a blanket, is now warm regardless of the weather outside]

My impoverished Russian Jewish ancestors:

[existentialterror]

Me: [learns to knit from youtube videos]

My ancestors: Our descendant, the heir to all our hopes and fears for a far-off future… She can buy fine clothes woven and knit by automatons, with but a fraction of a day’s earnings… and she does… she has so much free time to do as she pleases… and she uses some of that time to do what we did.

One woman from rural Poland, who died from smallpox in 1717 CE, a grandmother at 35: I knit roses and peonies into my and my children’s gloves… it wasn’t much extra work to dye the red, once I had already cleaned the wool and spun the yarn, and to knit in the designs… and I wasn’t a gifted knitter but I was a good knitter, and I thought, well, it might not make a difference to how warm the glove is, but it made the children happy and it made me happy. I liked to make things beautiful when I could.

Another woman, a peasant from what’s now France, who died from getting kicked by a mammoth in 8995 BCE: [Patting her on the back] I made my family’s clothes too. Every day my sister and I wove and wove and tended our children. We went out of our way to make the cloth lovely. Not a trace of it remains anywhere on earth now… But it mattered to us. And she might not know our names, or know it was us, but evidently, it matters to her too. She has so much beauty available to her, in every direction, and she wants to make it where we once made it.

[everyone sobbing and high-fiving each other.]

A man from Britain, 1104 CE, sitting at the trans-temporal telescope, reporting on my doings: She’s stopped knitting and now she’s playing minecraft.

The other ancestors: Ah, yes, the dream of building. We know this one well. What vision doth she design now?

Telescope man: Looks like… Some kind of floating temple?

Everyone: [Goes completely apeshit]

[lasrina]

Me: *literally just sitting here petting my dog*

My ancestors from 25,000 years ago: puppy

[inthetags]

Reblog and put in the tags if you’re old enough to remember renting movies from the video store

[gwendabond]

I am old enough to remember forgetting to return things and feeling I might have to go on the run due to the accumulation of late fees and then Blockbuster went out of business and I was freeeeee

[lucybellwood]

We got to open up the portholes today 🌊

[chewedcorn]

Unreasonable Ideas

[unlettered-heathen]

It seems silly but this is why it’s so important to give yourself downtime where you can just let your brain idle!! You gotta let yourself become the cardboard box, trying to make ideas is just herding cats so let them come to you instead

[xirlos]

This is especially useful for ADHD people – chasing something relentlessly will just burn you out. You’ll find it if you divert attention, annoyingly – use the weird psychological quirks to your advantage!

[tkingfisher]

“Become the cardboard box” is terrifyingly good advice.

[gwendabond]

I’m going to make Martin Scorsese an offer he can’t refuse

[gwendabond]

Gwenda Bond on Instagram

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Woofie update.