Where did I go?

Life beyond anorexia

[byebye-ed]

When your ED says you have to get to a lower weight before you can start recovery

[byebye-ed]

My ED trying to justify a relapse

[gwynniepigs]

Looool

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

What is Attachment Disorder?

Attachment disorder is where a child or adult is unable to form normal healthy attachments. This is usually due to detrimental early life experiences - such as neglect, abuse, separation from their parents or primary caregivers (after six months of age and before three years of age), frequent change of caregivers, and lack of responsiveness from their caregivers.

Symptoms vary depending on age. In adults, they fall under one of two categories – either avoidant or anxious/ ambivalent personalities. These are summarized below.

1. Avoidant

· Intense anger and hostility

· Hypercritical of others

· Extremely sensitive to criticism, correction or blame

· Lacks empathy

· Sees others as untrustworthy and unreliable

· Either sees themselves as being unlovable or “too good” for others

· Relationships are experienced as either being too threatening or requiring too much effort

· Fear of closeness and intimacy

· Compulsive self-reliance

· Passive or uninvolved in relationships

· Find it hard to get along with co-workers and authority figures

· Prefers to work alone, or to be self employed

· May use work to avoid investing in relationships

2. Anxious/ Ambivalent

· Demonstrates compulsive caregiving

· Problems with establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries

· Feels they give more than they get back

· Feels their efforts aren’t noticed or appreciated

· Idealizes people

· Expects their partner to repeatedly demonstrate their love, affection and commitment to them, and the relationship

· Emotionally over-invests in friendships and romantic relationships

· Are preoccupied with close relationships

· Overly dependent on their partner

· Believes that others are out to use them or to take advantage of them

· Fears rejection

· Is uncomfortable with anger

· Experiences a roller coaster of emotions – and often these are extremes of emotion

· Tends to be possessive and jealous; finds it hard to trust

· Believes they are essentially flawed, inadequate and unlovable.

[gwynniepigs]

I'm pretty sure I do everything on the list for anxious/ambivalent...just wish I knew how to change it!

[poemswords]

[vijara]

Reasons to Recover from Your Eating Disorder

You won’t have to go through life worrying about every single calorie and every single meal. 

You can enjoy dinner with your family without panicking about it. 

You can live life without it revolving around food. 

You won’t have to lie to the people you care about anymore.

You can actually have fun on your birthday.

Fighting with people you care about over whether or not you’ve eaten is boring and painful. 

Because there is more to life than food. 

Because losing friends is not fun. 

You can enjoy social occasions without worrying about food.

You won’t feel so constantly exhausted and drained all the time.

Thinking and dreaming about and being consumed by food is no way to live.

Feeling dizzy and cold and tired keeps you from living a happy, fulfilling life.

Recovery will give you the chance to LIVE and to be alive, rather than just existing.

Because you deserve to have happy thoughts in your head, instead of numbers. 

Your recovery can inspire and aid the recovery of others. Instead of passing on disordered behavior, you can pass on health and support and encouragement. 

Your skin will improve, as will your mental clarity. Eating right (and enough) can greatly help symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Because you don’t deserve to cry yourself to sleep anymore.

You deserve to be able to genuinely smile again. 

You deserve to be able to go outside and enjoy your day without worrying about what you’re wearing and whether or not you look okay. 

You won’t have to waste money on food to binge on anymore.

Your feet and legs will stop falling asleep and going numb when you sit down.

Your hair will stop falling out.

Your skin will finally be able to heal itself. You deserve to be glowing. 

It’s nice to not feel like death anymore. 

It’s nice to not smell like vomit anymore. 

It’s nice to be able to go out and actually enjoy yourself again. 

Your general health will improve and you’ll be less susceptible to colds and viruses. 

You won’t have to feel guilty about breaking your promises. 

You won’t have to lie to everyone around you. 

You’ll be able to go out and dance at parties/bars/clubs without feeling weak and dizzy.

If you’re fortunate enough to still have healthy teeth, recovery will prevent them from rotting. 

You are worth so much more than just a number on a scale. 

It’s nice to not be constantly cold and nauseous all the time. 

Because crying in your room is never a good way to spend a Friday night.

You can finally live without guilt. Guilt that you ate when you didn’t think you deserved to eat. Guilt that you haven’t eaten and you’re letting loved ones down. Guilt that you binged. Guilt that you purged. Guilt that deep down you’ve forgotten how to love yourself. 

Your bones won’t be brittle and easy to break anymore. 

You’ll be able to sleep at night without hunger pains keeping you awake.

Be confident again. 

So you don’t feel like a complete & utter hypocrite when trying to help someone that is in the same position as you.

So you can enjoy “family time” & not worry about eating “bad food”

So that you don’t spit up after eating because your esophagus is so fucked up from purging. 

So you don’t miss out on life. 

Because it’s nice waking up and thinking about what art you can create, what places you can explore, what books you can read, what people you can meet, what songs you can sing, what sports you can play, instead of thinking about what you’re going to eat and not eat that day.

Watching Netflix is a lot more fun than watching “thinspiration” videos. 

It’s nice to wake up in the morning with energy, instead of waking up tired from not eating, or sick from binging. 

So that you can get up in the morning and see clearly, instead of seeing spots or having black vision as you try to sit up. 

You deserve to love yourself again. 

You deserve to accept love from those around you again. 

You deserve to be able to go shopping without having panic attacks and breakdowns in the changing room. 

You can eat your favorite foods without guilt and anxiety. 

You’ll have enough energy to do the things you enjoy. 

You can be active, and run or play sports for the fun of it, not for weight loss. 

You can have a life again. 

You’ll be able to sleep at night. 

Aren’t you tired of feeling worthless and guilty?

You’ll be able to go out without thinking that everyone is staring at you. 

Go into a grocery store feeling safe. 

You won’t have to be scared of going to the doctor anymore.

You won’t have to excuse yourself from work or social events to purge.

Recover so you don’t have to see the scared, heartbroken look on your mother’s face when she hears you purging. 

Recover so you can go on a date and feel happy and not worry.

Recover so that you can share your story and help others recover. 

You won’t have to waste any more money on laxatives. 

Your eating disorder won’t be feeding your anxiety and depression anymore.

ALL of us deserve a better life than ED hell. 

You’ll be able to have children someday if you want to. 

So you can make spontaneous plans to go out, and not have to check or worry if they’ll “fit in” with the eating disorder.

So you can spend time having interesting conversations with people, without your mind wandering off to do calorie counts.

You don’t have to feel guilty when people buy you food, because you won’t have to waste it anymore. 

So you can live a happy, free, fulfilled life. 

So you can feel unafraid for the first time in a long time. 

So you can have and actually sustain healthy relationships with people (family, friends, significant other) without the eating disorder causing fights and pushing them away. 

You can walk around town with a friend or go to events without worrying about passing out. 

You don’t have to lie awake at night worrying about the damage you’re doing to yourself. 

When you give your body the fuel it needs, your physical AND mental health will improve. Your self-confidence will improve. 

You can get your natural skin tone back, and not look gray and sickly pale all the time.

Your blood pressure and heart rate will go back to normal. 

You’ll be able to enjoy hot baths and showers again.  

You won’t have so much gas or bloating or stomach pains anymore. Your intestinal and digestive health will slowly heal itself. 

You can stop punishing yourself for eating. 

You can sit up for more than 10 minutes without your stomach hurting.

You won’t have to debate for an hour before eating an apple. 

Your room won’t smell like vomit and moldy food. 

So you don’t get up in the middle of the night feeling as though you need to do 300 sit-ups before you can sleep and then spend all day feeling tired, and ill.

You won’t trigger others anymore. 

So you dont end up in hospital at 3am because your bowels are bleeding due to your ED

You won’t be constantly dehydrated anymore.

When you look back on your life, you’ll have happy memories too, not just empty memories of anorexia / bulimia

You won’t have constant headaches anymore.

You won’t have to isolate yourself anymore.

Because life can, and should be, so much more.

Please feel free to add onto this list, and share your own stories and reasons for recovery. I love you guys and my inbox is always open. 

[autism-artism]

Everyone does things at their own pace and that is okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself ♡

[thepersonalquotes]

[gwynniepigs]

My current life lesson!

[prayinfaith]

“Seeking God — really seeking — is more than just reading a few verses from the Bible in the morning and trying to be a good person that day. Seeking requires me to sacrifice the things I feel compelled to chase so I can be available to notice God’s clear direction. Whatever we chase, like it or not, gains our full attention. Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (NIV)”

— Lysa TerKeurst (via daughterbydesign)

[worshipgifs]

[dirtiestkof]

God

thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you.

[ethereal-princess-of-the-king]

Thank You.

[gwynniepigs]

Amen thank You Lord God

[christ-our-glory]

Hebrews 12:14 (NIV) Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.

[heartofaworshiper]

God’s timing, not mine.

God’s will, not mine.

God’s plan, not mine. 

God’s glory, not mine.

[gwynniepigs]

Amen!

[insteadofdisappearing]

quick list of body feel good things:

i pinky promise you are not going to wake up looking different after one day (even one week) of “bad” eating

but also NOBODY is going to have a flat tummy at the end of the day, i mean it

set point theory says your body has a range it knows it needs to be in to be healthy & safe & normal and it’s going to fight to stay in that range because it wants to protect you. it just wants to protect you!!

the thicker your thighs are the more kittens can lay on your lap

you eat more/have more cravings on your period because your body is burning calories! it’s working harder and needs more energy!

clinically obese is one thing but “fat” ?? is not a bad word?? who tf decided it was?? in fact, beauty standards for victorian women involved being rounder. there’s literally no wrong way to have a body

your body tells you when it’s hungry— listen. it knows what you need and what’s best for you

never underestimate the power of taking a shower or taking a walk

you are alive today bc your body is fighting for you. it’s protecting you from disease & harm & other dangers. it carries u around and keeps u safe. be kind.

[insteadofdisappearing]

addendum:

body positivity isn’t just for skinny white girls w bumps on their stomachs

nor are thin, conventionally pretty white girls the only ones w eating disorders

fitblrs are not what recovery looks like. excessive exercise and vegan/vegetarianism can so easily be excuses to continue disordered behavior

we need to stop saying “but you aren’t fat!” in response to people who say that about themselves. instead say “it’s fine if you are!!!”

[insteadofdisappearing]

addendum 2:

u can have an eating disorder and not be underweight!!!!!!!!!!!1 anorexia is one of MANY eating disorders. u might be underweight. u might be overweight. u might be an average weight. this doesn’t change the validity of ur pain!!

the cons will always outweigh the pros of disordered eating. have i lost weight? nothing substantial & nothing long-term. but i have lost friends, gotten cavities, given myself strep purging, burst a blood vessel in my eye, fucked up my period, probably fucked up my heart, hurt lots of people, destroyed any enjoyment of truly delicious fun foods & even the boring ones, satisfied a lot of cruel ppl w/ cruel intentions, ruined my digestive system etc.

tumblr has a toxic as fUCK mindset about what EDs look like and also what recovery looks like. it’s not suddenly yoga & avocados and everything’s gucci srry. 

national eating disorder support hotline: [phone]

get help now, u don’t have to be “”bad enough”” bc you will never be bad enough for urself to justify treatment, trust me.

[lost-wintergirl]

I love this💕

[thepersonalquotes]

[poems-and-word]

[gwynniepigs]

Post-church cornbread 😍 thank God for American friends!! 😁

[gwynniepigs]

My thoughts for the start of the weekend... think a duvet day is needed tomorrow after a horrendous Friday...roll on bed time!!