“You want ____ to stop now and get you a glass of orange juice?!”
“Oh fuck. Oh my God. Oh no. LOOK AT THAT! Oh my God, look at it!”
“Look! It’s fucking rotten, you fucking idiot! IT’S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!!”
“No one is getting served from this fucking restaurant tonight!”
“It’s not a crab cake. It’s a crap cake. Because if I eat anymore, I’ll be busy crapping for the next 105 years.”
“The food’s been in this fridge for so long, even the fridge is starting to get mouldy.”
“I’ve never met such a fucking hard-arse stubborn motherfucker in all my life.”
“YOU RUN A SHIT-HOLE OF A KITCHEN!!! FUCK YOURSELF!!!”
“The décor matches the clientèle; drab, fuddy-duddy, and seriously old-fashioned…”
“You’re so full of fucking shit that you’d make a great politician.”
“Oh my god! THERE’S FUCKING CHICKEN AGAINST RAW CHICKEN!!”
”HEY, PANINI-HEAD, LISTEN TO ME!”
“When you take a bite of that cod, it’s almost like you’ve got a breaded condom in your mouth.”
“Ground beef?!! Half of it’s fucking fat, you idiot! It’s fatter than you!”
“What the hell are you doing here?!”
“Oh, coulis mango. Thank you. Looks like something out of a modern art museum. Splat!”
“It’s like somebody’s pissed in my soup.”
“If you went to Dublin and you serve shepherd’s pie like that, they would shoot you.”
“Hold on a minute. You’re calling me a fucking arsehole?!”
“You stuck-up precious little bitch!”
“YOU ARE SO IN DENIAL, YOU NEED THERAPY!!”
“This is the truth: I would be better off as a brain surgeon than you running this restaurant.”
“THEY’RE MOULDY, YOU PILLOCK!”
“I’ve fucking forgotten more than you know. Just serve the food and shut the fuck up, smart-arse!”
“It looks anaemic, the colour’s dreadful, and it tastes just like bland, boiled lamb.”
“Yeah, and take that shit with you! That’s right, we’re stopping an elk quesadilla! Breaking news in Mexico!”
“Greasy as anything. It’s a huge ball of grease. I love moussaka, but that is miles off. Moussaka? Mou-suck.”
“Looks like Chappy took a crappy in my gumbo.”
“It’s like the pizza that ate Denver.”
“This restaurant runs like the Jerry Springer Show.”
“Dear god, for what we are about to receive may the lord not kill me with food poisoning.’
‘Overcooked on the bottom, crispy as f**k and it looks like Ghandi’s Flip-Flop.’
‘In terms of beauty, it’s not exactly an Indian classic. It looks like a dehydrated turd.’
“Why the fuck…would you grill…a lettuce…?”
”My gran could cook better than you…And she’s DEAD!”
”Ladies, gentlemen, good evening! Sorry about the old bag!”
”I wouldn’t trust you to run a bath, let alone a fucking restaurant!”
”How about a ‘thank you’, you miserable wee bitch!?”
”Looks like a big overgrown ball of pubic hair, deep fat fried…”
“Looks like one of the worst urine samples you could ever give“
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