Having a child is a lifetime of bittersweet moments. It’s those milestones like watching them walk, or talk, or their first day of school, or their first date. Those are the bittersweet moments we expect, cherish, recognize, and move on from. Sometimes there are milestone moments that we don’t even realize until sometime after the change occurred. Like when did our children stop needing us to hold their hands? Or getting showered and dressed by themselves. I don’t remember the exact day these happened; just looked back one-day and realized he didn’t need me for that any more. But what about those moments that sneak up on us when we least expect it? What about those milestones that hit us like a ton of emotional bricks without preparation?
For some it may be the first day of school day, or the first time a child stays home alone, or maybe even the day their child leaves for college. For me, it was just the other day - a day that I hadn’t yet had the emotional strength to acknowledge out loud (or in writing). It was last Tuesday while putting my son to bed. It was that day he no longer wanted me to sing to him our songs I’ve only been singing for the past ten years. Before that day, if I admit it to myself, I had noticed a decline… it was “I only need one song tonight” instead of “can you sing one more?” But last Tuesday was one of those days I know will haunt me for the rest of my parental life. It was the day he said “no thank you, I don’t want any songs tonight.” I thought maybe it was just another step, and the next night would be back to ‘normal’. But no, it seems that was it. Every night since I’ve asked if he wants a song and he responds with “no, I’m ok.” How was I to know that last Monday would be my last time singing my son to sleep? I did not know that come the next day, he wouldn’t need me for that anymore. I guess maybe that’s a good thing or that very last time would be so incredibly sad. But it’s one of those situations where looking back, I wish I had enjoyed it just a little more. Slowed down and embraced the moment. Instead I was probably in a hurry to get him to bed so I could finish the nightly chores, or get a moment of peace and quiet, and little did I know that the next night, I wouldn’t even have the chance to hurry, as that habit, that nightly moment between just us, would be gone.
Now, don’t get me wrong… I am so beyond proud at the young man my son is becoming. I enjoy every minute of watching him grow and develop and evolve. But sometimes I’m just not quite ready for it.
So, like many other parents of older children advise: hold your babies a little longer. Give in to that ‘one more hug’ or ‘one more song’, because before you know it, those moments are gone. Sure, they will be replaced by awesome new moments, habits, and traditions, but moments like these can never be replaced and will always hold that special place in the memory bank.
Now excuse me while I go cry over old photos and get ready for the next milestone in my amazing kid’s journey of life.
Original blog can be found here: Optimistically Aimee
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