Not all positive changes will feel good to begin with
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@h-appily-ever-after
Not all positive changes will feel good to begin with
Friendly reminder: when people say ‘as long as you tried your best’ it doesn’t mean ‘the best you could possibly have done ever’ it means ‘the best you were capable of at the time.’ Sometimes ‘trying your best’ is just getting out of bed in the morning. Just because you weren’t working yourself to the bone doesn’t mean you weren’t trying your best.
40 Symptoms of a Healthy Woman
1) She takes care of her body and treats it with respect.
2) She eats well and doesn’t under-eat, binge, or purge.
3) She moves her body in ways that feel good to her and rests without an ounce of guilt.
4) She gets an adequate amount of sleep and rest. If she has difficulty sleeping, she sees it as an opportunity to practice mindfulness and/or other relaxation techniques.
5) She does not abuse drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, or screen-time.
6) She maintains a good balance between resting and accomplishing things (being and doing).
7) She maintains a good balance between being with people and being alone.
8) When she is alone, she enjoys her own company.
9) She treats herself like she would treat a child she adores or her best friend.
10) She has a loving, kind soundtrack of thoughts that play in her mind and when unkind or unhelpful thoughts pop up, she challenges them.
11) She has a good relationship with her emotions. She cries when she’s sad and expresses her anger and frustration respectfully. She welcomes all her feelings and either sits with them, reaches out to safe people, or gives herself what she needs.
12) She is able to grieve her losses and treat herself kindly in the process.
13) She reaches out for support when she’s struggling.
14) She has made peace with the past and also acknowledges and honors her past hurts when they arise.
15) She can tolerate anxiety and change without catastrophizing.
16) She spends a lot of her time in the present moment rather than lost in the past or the future.
17) She spends time doing things for the sheer pleasure of it rather than always thinking she needs to be accomplishing something.
18) She makes time for things that fulfill her and are important to her.
19) She is able to compromise at times without compromising her values or her core needs.
20) She follows her heart and gives herself time to get clarity if she is unsure about something.
21) She maintains a balance between giving to herself and giving to others.
22) She knows that hard times will pass, and she is extra sweet to herself when life feels extra hard.
23) She uses supportive tools (journaling, reaching out to safe people, spiritual practices, reading, therapy, podcasts, etc.) when life gets hard instead of using substances, negative self-talk or unhealthy behaviors.
24) She feels lovable and worthy regardless of the circumstances in her life.
25) She looks for opportunities to practice acceptance and gratitude.
26) She is aware of her finances and lives within her means.
27) She uses her finances to both treat herself and be responsible for herself.
28) She can accept compliments without disclaimers.
29) She doesn’t expect herself (or others) to be happy all the time and uses her struggles as opportunities to get support and be kind to herself.
30) She expresses her thoughts, feelings and needs in a respectful, mature manner and respectfully listens to other people’s thoughts, feelings and needs.
31) She spends time with people she feels safe and aligned with.
32) She sets limits with others when she needs to. She can say “no” or “I need to change my mind” on occasion without thinking she is a terrible person.
33) She does not spend time comparing herself to others. She knows that everyone struggles and that nobody is better than or less than she is.
34) She does not give other peoples’ opinions more weight than her own.
35) When confronted with disagreements, she values the other person’s point of view and also checks in with herself to see if she agrees, disagrees, or needs more time to think about it.
36) She can hear and consider difficult feedback from others without attacking them or herself.
37) She can apologize to others and forgive herself for her humanness.
38) She can forgive others for being imperfect and move beyond relationship glitches.
39) She can be in her strength without being disrespectful to others. She can be in her softness without being disrespectful to herself.
40) She doesn’t think she needs to be perfect at anything — including any of the above!
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Reminder For Goddesses
• Get up • Drink your water • Workout • Take a shower • Dress up nicely • Eat yo’ carbs • Kick ass
How to get rid of toxic people:
Sad to say, I’m going through this with someone I hold deeply to my heart. And, I have learned from a friend of how to do this safely and even though it might hurt. It works.
1 - Tell them that you can’t do it anymore. And that you really do need to focus on yourself. If they do actually care about you they should understand.
2 - You walk away. You deal with the pain knowing that they weren’t ever worth your time in the first place.
3 - When you want to talk to them you distract yourself.
4 - You learn to move on, slowly, but surely.
ps - if you need to talk/need a new friend/need emotional support come and talk to me alright? I’m going through this right now. I’m only at step one but everything will be okay soon.
don’t say yes just because you feel guilty about hurting their feelings
If you struggle with anxiety, overwhelm, or just plain feeling like a failure, I have a mantra for you that’s been really helping me out lately:
Just show up.
I used to skip class because the whole thing was so overwhelming: I had to get dressed in something clean even though I never had the energy to do laundry, walk to school, sit in class for up to three hours, plus pay attention, take notes, and participate in discussion. In reality, I was being a perfectionist, and life would have been a lot easier for me if I had Just Shown Up. By staying home because of my depression and anxiety, I wasn’t giving myself the chance to do any of that. I was such a perfectionist that being a “bad” or average student was unthinkable, so I stopped being a student at all.
If you’re having trouble getting something done, Just Show Up. You don’t have to be employee of the month. You don’t have to be valedictorian. Just Show Up.
ime it also helps to be like “you dont have to stay the whole time, you just have to go” bc most of the time once youre there it’s fine. a lot of things are like that, like… you dont have to finish the dishes, just start them. a lot of the time once you start a task it’s easier to finish than to stop, especially if you can trick yourself like “after five more minutes if i still feel bad i’ll go home” or “after washing two more dishes i can stop for today”
even if you don’t finish the task, you started it, and by completing part of it you lessened your future workload and ALSO taught your brain that things may not be as daunting as they seem
This is wisdom! Peace!
you know what years of therapy taught me - Redefine success
so what if no one else gets how the things you define as successes are victories because you have to
so you got to work - success
you used public transport - success
you went to the supermarket instead of ordering online and didn’t just buy things you dind’t want because you got scared - MASSIVE success
Redefine success, your body moved the goal posts, there is no shame in acknwoledging that
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I want this tattooed on me
A little louder for those in the back.
This THIS THIS THIS.
This is why people keep quiet about their mental illnesses…and why we need to speak up.
this is so amazing