I am a friend… Just a friend
So who am I to meddle with her life who is bad from my perspective? She has to realize that herself but the more I do it, the more I indulge the “me” in self-hatred that I don’t if she can remove.
I am afraid, confused not knowing what to do so I panic just kike any guy would do to whoever he tried to save but she just keeps getting farther, and farther and farther…
“NO!!!!!!” I scream as I wake up in buckets of sweat and catch my breath. “Some nightmare I just had,” I said to myself as I got up and get ready for the day. But as I start moving, I look at the picture on the left side of my bed. It was me and lei. Then I told myself, “Nope… Not a dream”
It was me and her on our trip to the countryside for some camping. But that wasn’t important, isn’t it.
This bittersweet sad loner you imagine is me, Wayde, and I wasn’t like this, I was someone can call an extrovert... Of .. sorts...
This all started because of her.
I loved a girl…Big mistake
She was the one you can call similar to a summer love but instead, this was Seasonal Love this kind of love for me is unrequited.
Lei was amazing. She can do all sorts of stuff and get to be what she wants to be without the encouragement of another person and she’s great and all stuff except for one thing. She suffers from social anxiety and only interacts with those people because she knows them and got along well with them. But when I deals with this ever since I met her on that in between a blessing or a curse, spring day when everyone is preparing to do normal lives. She was preparing to go to college and I met her just by the gate of the school.
I am a man of few words but I greeted her with a smile.
“Are you gonna enroll too?”
“Oh yes, uhm… I am just waiting f-for my friend to come ”, she said stuttering
“Oh I’m Wayde by the way an enrollee to”
Then we talked and talked uninterrupted talking about why she enrolled and her troubles with talking to other people.
“It just looked scary as people gaze through me like I’m some ice cream that’s about to melt, just like when I talked to you a while ago.”
“Oh Sorry, it just seemed that you seemed lost back there like a pup on the street.”
“No I don’t,” she said and chuckled, “Ooh my friend’s here,” she said as a guy walk towards us.
”Wayde, this is Luke, my friend since high school”
“Sup bro” as he offered a hand and so I accepted it as a friendly gesture
“ Say, you’re going to enroll right? Want to come with us?” she asked out of the blue
“Won’t I be a bother” I responded
“Why would you be a bother, we will meet either way at the office”
“Oh yeah, well then, I would gladly take your offer.” since then we have been friends for the rest of our days in college. We had our laughs we had fights and in the end, we forgive one another and become closer and closer.
But I was the one that was changing. I started feeling intimate with my time together with lei so I asked about this to luke.
“Duude no..” Luke said with every amount of disapproval in his body at that moment, “You know how bad you do with women. If you confess to her, all those times, all those memories will be gone in a snap and you will pain you never felt before.”
“Are you a poet in your previous life?”
“Dude, I’m serious here. If you don’t want to be crushed by your feelings…DON’T CONFESS. Period.”
He told me that and that was all everything I have to know. Not to confess but wait for the right moment. So I held back my feelings and continued being her friend and it was fine I think since we were all fine.
Fast forward to 3 years time , we are on our last year in this school and about to graduate. Lei began to have feelings for the president of the student council, Ned who was at that moment was our age and batch. Then did I feel a slight pinch at the side of my body with was bearable but painful.
“So are you going to confess to him?” I asked after being confronted by lei in private to talk about how she felt for Ned.
“Sure, I’m going to cheer you on as a friend should.”
And that’s where the nightmare started.
Back to the present where I just woke up and see the picture from my left did I notice the invitation I want to forget that was there.
If only I was to tell her through the times we spent together. I only I mustered up the courage to tell three easy words.
Will there be changes between you and I?
Will a be able to give you such happiness than what he’s giving you?
