In the middle of a boring meeting where they expected too much from me (maybe i again undervalued myself as always), my mind wonders away to so many things happened in the past. This was triggered by an oprahâs video replay inside my head that i forwarded to my brother as an act of suggestion before a big decision. The short video, which is also a long podcast, tells us about how life is talking to us everyday. If we are in a wrong direction, life speaks by whispers first, and then it gradually increases its warning in a form of disasters or accidents if we ignore them for too long.
The echo from the message made me went back to one of my biggest turbulences in my life so far that was happened in 2016-2017. I think the turbulence made me got into depression, which the effects sometimes still reappears like an earthquake aftershock. Then i tried to trace back the causes of my devastation and i came up with the best three: ignoring my feeling towards my thesis topic which i didnât like, keeping âfriendsâ who absorbed my energy rather than fueling me up, getting dragged into a relationship i didnât want. All of those things if i simplified, came from one cause: my unwillingness to say âNoâ.
So back then, instead of saying âSensei, i donât like this topic, please change my topic to another one i preferâ to my supervisor, i forced myself to did it, for 5 YEARS!! No wonder that i had a little amount of low quality data. The fact that i was able to graduate is one of the greatest miracles in my life. Another one is instead of saying âno i donât want to be with you guys because i think we have different frequenciesâ to the people i donât feel comfortable with, i forced myself to be with them just because i didnât want to be missed out. And then life was like giving me a bigger notice with a âbrickâ because instead of saying âi donât wanna have a relationship because i donât have any interest in marriage or having childrenâ to them, i slept walk far away till reaching an event when i suddenly had to make a commitment in front of their relatives.
I didnât realize back then that the peak of my devastation was little by little entangled by me saying ânoâ to something i donât feel is right and saying âyesâ to something my heart is pointing to. The first no was to my unwanted relationship. It was hard because i lost my best friend, but i learnt how to become a friend to myself first. Followed by saying ânoâ to a job with a higher salary but no background whatsoever to the field, and saying yes to my current job which i enjoy. And then recently i was brave enough to cut my relationship with âfriends for yearsâ here because i never ever ever felt any peace every time i spent my time with them. Breaking up with them feels sooooo freaaaking gooooood!!!
So from now on, paying attention to lifeâs words will be my way to get through every dayâs life. I have always been trusting my internal GPS, thatâs why i am in this point right now, but i didnât realize that the GPS is not only for the biggest events in life but also for the small things. Just like the GPS on our phone, it can guide you to a specific place you want to, and just like what Oprah said, it starts with a whisper.
((Beep)) In 3 years from now, turn south....((beep))