.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. hakkun knew this was what he still lived for. there was nothing else that gave him this sense of completeness, of happiness. of belonging, of lightness, of comfort, and of at least a million other positive feelings only minchan gave him. holding him in his arms, sensing his presence, his touch and his warmth — it always made him understand why he hasn’t given up yet. why, even when he felt like he hit rock bottom, mentally and physically tired of all things his life forced him to go through, he somehow found strength to continue. hakkun continued so he could go to him, to his comfort, to his kindness, to his channie. kun chuckled at the other’s words, his heart melting with how his voice sounded so close to him, a denying hum exiting his lips. “ promise i missed you more, baby… ” he argued, a topic he knew the two of them could go back and forth on for ages and still not get to a conclusion. still, kun made sure to express just how much he missed him, the thrill of finally being together making words flow with no inhibition, disregarding any and every possible factor that could make him bottle up his feelings, like he usually did. with minchan, it meant the opposite, it meant hakkun could be himself, show chan the vulnerability he could never show, properly sleep and express anything he wanted to. it was home.
kissing chan always made kun feel like he was on top of the world. like it made sense, for once. their tongues touched and hakkun let out a little chuckle at the on growing tightness of his own pants, aware he had a semi ;;; it never took minchan much to turn him on, all the other had to do was smile and kun’s reaction was expected. it was the long periods of not having him, not touching him, of constant craving for his presence, that quickly creeped up on him when he had chan in his arms for the first time in what felt like ages. like horrible, insufferable ages. the atmosphere seemed to switch for hakkun, however, when, with his eyes closed, he heard minchan whisper against his lips, brows furrowing in exact expression of how much it pained him to hear said words. he always blamed himself for their current — and other previous — predicament, and anything that remembered him of it made his insides ache in self hatred and self blame, specially when it was chan’s lips doing the talking. he felt helpless, restless, ashamed, completely shattered for making chan continuously go through their cycle ;;; miserbably missing each other before the climax of finally being together, only to do it all over again. feeling the kisses minchan so tenderly planted on his neck, hakkun closed his eyes for a second, allowing himself to enjoy the moment he longed for so long. once chan picked his head up again, he locked his gaze on the boy’s angel like features, kissing his cheek once, twice, before kissing his nose, and forehead, almost as if it was humanly impossible to stop. “ you know i would carry you forever if i could, ” kun replied through kisses, dropping to chan’s neck now, merging little bites in between. “ i missed you so fucking bad, channie, ” he contined, voice breaking at a sudden wave of emotion that insisted on resting on his chest, looking up to his face again, brown hues glued to his. it was always moments like these that made chan see hakkun for what he truly was — just a small, vulnerable boy stuck in a fight he didn’t start. he tried to swallow the lump on his throat, tone dripping emotion, all the frustration, fear, helplessness he felt, but most importatly, truth. “ i swear i would never leave if i didn’t have to. ”
✧ ˖ ・ﾟ at the sound of hakkun’s voice breaking as he admitted how much he missed minchan, the smaller boy could feel his own heart splintering into tiny pieces. why did their lives have to be this complicated? why did they have to be stuck in this never-ending mess where, even if the teeniest thing did go their way, all it meant was that they got to spend another 14 hours together or that hakkun was going to get to call chan and wish him good night. it never meant that kun was going to stay for good, that he was done with the life his family had pulled him into and he was going to get to be with chan forever... with no more issues in their way of simply wanting to be together.
no matter how much he wished for that to be true, that wasn’t how it was.
they had to take these tiny little victories that they were given; they were what kept him going but at the same time made him realize just how much he wished things were different. that was the selfish part of him speaking though, the part of him he didn’t like to voice out loud in front of hakkun. these thoughts were saved for whenever he was alone in the privacy of his own little apartment, where he could let the sad emotions take over him and not worry anyone around him. but at the end of the day chan knew they wouldn’t be living like this if it wasn’t completely necessary and there was no use telling this to kun because he knew the other felt the same way. venting his thoughts would only make his boyfriend sad that there wasn’t anything he could do to change their situation and the last thing he wanted to do spend their few precious hours together sad about something neither couldn’t change.
the feeling of kun’s lips meeting different parts of his face and neck pushed these sad thoughts to the back of his brain, much to chan’s relief. the last thing he wanted right now was to spend any more time thinking about how he never got to see hakkun… when the boy was right there in front of him. ❝ i know you wouldn’t… ❞ was all that left his mouth at kun’s admission, his eyes getting lost in the others. if there was one truth that minchan knew straight to his core it was that kun would change their situation in a heartbeat if it was possible. chan locked his legs tighter around the others waist like part of him was afraid that if he let go he was going to disappear. there were so many things he wanted to say, so many thoughts swirling around in his head but as he looked into kun’s eyes all of it seemed to disappear. the only thing he was able to do was lean his forehead against his boyfriends with his hands placed on either side of his face and just take everything in. the way his face felt under his hands, the way his breath tickled his face, how kun held him so comfortably. he wanted to be as close to him as possible because after tonight there was no guarantee when they were going to be able to see each other again.
❝ i love you kunnie, ❞ as the words fell from his lips he realized they may have felt out of place for the moment they were having but there was a part of him that was desperate to tell him just how much he loved him, no matter how obvious it was. it was something he rarely got to say to him in person, most of the time it was said through text or over the phone. so whenever they were together he took full advantage, the same little three words falling from his lips on what seemed like a never ending loop.
chan was vaguely aware that they were still standing in the entrance of his apartment but at this point he really couldn’t care less, he would stand here all night if it meant that he got to have kun in his arms. ❝ please don’t let me go ❞ the words were quiet, whispered from his lips before he could really even process what he was saying and his arms tightened around his boyfriends neck. ❝ promise?? ❞ before he could even wait for an answer minchan was closing the space between them again and pressing their lips together
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