Send Bees

Tada!

[biggest-gaudiest-generators]

Not likely. A LITTLE BIT OF FUNCTIONALLY IMMORTAL.

[ham-outstanding-blog]

We were playing Kahoot in science today

Meme Child™️: Okay noah we need meme names

Noah aka Meme Boi™️: I call being Hit or Miss

Meme Child™️: I’ll be I Guess You Never Miss Huh

*I Guess You Never Miss Huh doesn’t fit*

Meme Child™️: What else can I be

Random Student 1: *is I Wanna Be Tracer*

Random Student 2: *is Already Tracer*

Meme Child™️: IM GONNA BE THANOS CAR *makes team name Thanos Car and puts team members as various people thanos killed*

Teacher: ??? What is happening??????

[ham-outstanding-blog]

“I look at driving and think ‘if I’m going to murder one person I may as well become a legend and mow everyone down’“

same, A. M.

same

[ham-outstanding-blog]

Mr. 4chan

Bring me a meme

make it the Dankest that I’ve ever seen

[ham-outstanding-blog]

Conversations I have been a part of or overheard at School

Friend: Stop questioning reality AND START QUESTIONING YOUR SEXUALITY”

Me: ask reality what their sexuality is

Other friend: reality is omnisexual because it fucks everyone

-

Teacher: What is the answer to number 16

Student: Communism

Math Teacher: yup.

-

History teacher: *reading out facts about a rapper*

Student: What is this Beyonce?

-

Student: I miss the days where I could flip my nose upside down

-

Friend talking about me: I can feel her judgement washing over me. Like a wet washcloth. Just kinda, slapping me.

-

And then THIS CHANT a friend of mine made and then said:

Eggy Eggy I’ve got a Leggy

Coo coo ca choo I’ve got two

You and me? We got three

More and more we got four.

Three will survive with leggies of five

Go suck dicks thanks to leggy # six

We’ll never go to heaven with leggy o seven

There is no debate with our # eight

Today’s looking fine thanks to leggy nine

Not all leggies are men like # ten

Not unlike seven, it’s leggy eleven

Put them all on the shelf goodbye twelve

[ham-outstanding-blog]

Student: Are we sacrificing someone today

Gov teacher: Yes

[ham-outstanding-blog]

Conversations I have been a part of or overheard at School

Friend: Stop questioning reality AND START QUESTIONING YOUR SEXUALITY”

Me: ask reality what their sexuality is

Other friend: reality is omnisexual because it fucks everyone

-

Teacher: What is the answer to number 16

Student: Communism

Math Teacher: yup.

-

History teacher: *reading out facts about a rapper*

Student: What is this Beyonce?

-

Student: I miss the days where I could flip my nose upside down

-

Friend talking about me: I can feel her judgement washing over me. Like a wet washcloth. Just kinda, slapping me.

-

And then THIS CHANT a friend of mine made and then said:

Eggy Eggy I’ve got a Leggy

Coo coo ca choo I’ve got two

You and me? We got three

More and more we got four.

Three will survive with leggies of five

Go suck dicks thanks to leggy # six

We’ll never go to heaven with leggy o seven

There is no debate with our # eight

Today’s looking fine thanks to leggy nine

Not all leggies are men like # ten

Not unlike seven, it’s leggy eleven

Put them all on the shelf goodbye twelve

[ham-outstanding-blog]

The Teletubby Story

“Alright, so the teletubbies have children. You know how they eat tubby custard? I bet they feed their children the way birds do.

Now imagine the teletubbies but they're like sponges or plants and you have a hose filled with tubby custard. You start hosing them down and they just absorb the tubby custard and grow and expand while retaining the custard.

Eventually you just see King Kong Sized Teletubbies. You've filled their bodies up with so much tubby custard that every time they step, they leave puddles of tubby custard in their footsteps. And then the worst part: In the middle of the city, they just *squeeze*, and all the tubby custard comes flowing out of them like a stream into a urinal.

Everyone drowns. “

~ A. M.

[ham-outstanding-blog]

When You work on a stage crew and have to throw yourself on the floor with a flashlight for the sole purpose of up-lighting the actor on stage for a total of ten seconds

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

So today this kid yelled Nani the fuck?!? in the middle of a test and I felt compelled to share this to the world.

teachers, share the weird crap your kids have done!

[ralsalot]

I’m not a teacher (yet) but I do work with students and one of them had the nerve to look me dead in the eye and ask me “why would it be a bad idea for me to eat this entire marker?” They’re 11

[discount-frank-iero-deactivated]

I’m not a teacher but a girl asked if because potatoes have more chromosomes then humans why aren’t they a more complicated form of life, then had an “hyponuse” (hypothesis) that humans are too dumb to understand how complex potatoes really are 

[completelyredacted]

I teach 4yr olds. I was holding hands with one and talking to another and all of a sudden, I felt wetness on my hand. I looked down and the kid whose hand I was holding was trying to fit my whole hand in his mouth.

[shirleyjackass]

I came in to a 3rd grade class to help them learn to code in Scratch and I got a thank you note that said “You didn’t help me but thanks”

[insomniackittens-deactivated201]

I was a teachers aide in a kindergarten room and this one girl swore up and down that she could pick me up by my ankles but wouldn’t show me because she “didn’t want to embarrass me”. This is the same child that sat on my lap so that she could sneeze in my face. Every. Single. Time.

[ham-outstanding-blog]

Not a teacher but one of my fellow 12′th graders once said something close to ‘what if when humans gave birth they just grew to be twice the size of a normal human and then birthed out another fully grown human’.

He has a lot of moments like this.

[knightsickness]

Hottest take: John Mulaney and his wife… the ideal people to play Moist Von Lipwig and Adora Belle Dearheart

Like imagine Lipwig saying fuckin 90% of John quotes like

“STREET SMARTS”

“My wife is a bitch and I like her so much”

“I’m getting married soon, which is weird. Cause I always assumed I was gay based off the way that I’ve talked and walked and dressed for the past 25 years” (I’m paraphrasing I can’t remember the quote)

“Like, this might as well happen? Adult life is already so goddamn weird”

Vetinari is either John’s dad (“you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair”/“one black coffee”) or “the one thing you can’t replace” guy

[littlesmartart]

uhhh so @jackedup180 made THIS fucking inspired post and so I frantically scribbled some shitty doodles last night for it and got carried away because this concept is just… so hilariously solid???? moist von “this might as well happen adult life is already so goddamn weird” lipwig, folks. 

waIT I realise I gave vimes one of john’s dad’s lines bUT I JUST THOUGHT DOES THIS MAKE VIMES BITTENBINDER ADSKSGDJDL

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

current goal: make it through the week

long term goal: make it through all the weeks

[otherwindow]

Mermaids with hair over their eyes are usually from deeper waters. The sea floor has almost no light, so deep sea mermaids (few of which have functional eyes) visiting the surface would be blinded by the sun. 

To mermaids, covering their eyes with hair is similar to sunglasses.

[otherwindow]

Deep sea mermaids are also shy, accustomed to dark waters for hiding their monstrous appearances. Freshwater Mermaid: Howdy y'all, I’d like you to meet my cousin. She’s a little shy :) 30ft Tall Deep Sea Mermaid with hair so long it turns the water black: ᴴᵉʷʷᵒ

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ART PROMPT

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i gave my sister $100 for her bday, but i gave it to her in $1 bills that i folded into origami. so that’s how she pays for delivery food & now the pizza girl thinks she’s a stripper

[cornposting]

You’re really good at origami holy sh

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i learned it specifically to make these for this exact situation 

[realpersonscifi]

Aren’t you the same bitch that gave your sister $100 dollars in nickels?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

same bitch

[marijnflorence-deactivated20220]

why do people still trust you with any kind of money

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i ask myself that a lot

[memethiefsteve]

[hewasnumberwan-deactivated20170]

Why is this the type of humor I enjoy

[aubs-of-steel-deactivated201708]

who did this

[toast-the-unknowing]

I am broken as a person and I don’t even care

[ham-outstanding-blog]

Twin trash brothers

[mockwa]

Beethoven — Fur Chiken

[sevensables]

#this is the first time for me where i can DEFINITELY identify my last 2 brain cells in a tumblr post (via legionofpotatoes)