When Marxists critique the capitalist system, they say (truthfully) that all workers are exploited by it and coerced into working by the ruling class, despite them enjoying their jobs or not, and that it is a natural prerequisite of the capitalist system due to its structure. This is rarely seen (and only seen by the capitalist) as infantilizing the worker or taking away the agency of the proletariat, simply making an observation of their circumstance.
However when feminists, similarly critiquing the patriarchal system, say that all women are exploited by it and coerced to do certain things by their equivalent ruling/oppressive class, despite them enjoying these things or not, and that this coercion is a natural prerequisite of the patriarchal system due to its structure, this is seen by other apparent feminists as infantilizing women and taking away all women's agency, not simply making an observation of their circumstance.
What is the material difference here? That you want it to be untrue or offensive in some way, so it serves to make you feel better about the world and your life within it?
Part of the chasm stems from the fact that modern feminism has been turned into an individual movement, focused on individual whims rather than collective necessity. Another part of it comes from the fact that unlike Marxism, where the oppressor is the oligarch, the bourgeoisie, and the ruling class, all figures whom the majority of the proletariat scarcely make direct contact with, for feminism the oppressor is in women's beds, classrooms, at the head of their dinner tables and shoulder-to-shoulder with them at work.
These factors make it difficult for women to truly interrogate their lives through the lens of feminist theory since application of these thoughts (like any thorough political movement) requires dedication and discipline which are not easy to come by or maintain when you are:
A. Oppressed by the patriarchal (and other) system(s)
And
B. Told that feminism and other movements like it are inherently focused on your wants, not the needs of a collective. This makes it easy to default to thinking everything not specifically focused on your whims is incorrect or offensive.
