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@hanni-emily
I go to sleep and when I wake up this world is still terrible. A go to work and people treat each other badly, acting as though there is no soul behind a face. I take a nap and when I wake up the world is still terrible.
Repeat each day,
God is still good.
fin.
by sty830
I’m having issues with my body image.. again.
-girls and boys everywhere.
And the thing that sucks is you feel good sometimes for a couple months or weeks or days but then the insecurities come back no matter what. And it’s hard and it hurts to not like how you look in the mirror.
It’s a challenge to embrace the skin you’re in no matter what beauty ‘standards’ you meet.
I don’t know if people ever win the battle with insecurities, but I hope they do so that there is hope for me too.
in this last week I haven’t been able to handle anything well. and after months of handling everything well I think it’s really wearing on me. The fact that right now, for whatever damn reason, I just can’t. I’m fading for a time & I don’t know what I can do about it.
Nights with you are full of ‘I love you’s.
And I know you mean them.
Hanni-em
“… and we are in bed together laughing and we don’t care about anything…” - Charles Bukowski.
breezy, easy life Do I know what I’m doing tomorrow? Going to breakfast. What am I doing in a week? Moving back to Oroville. What am I doing in a month? I have NO IDEA. What am I doing in a year? I can’t even think about that or I’ll start to cry.
“Being together is the miracle, being together and caring. Sleeping together, feet touching, legs touching. Being asleep and together.”
—
Charles Bukowski, More Notes Of A Dirty Old Man: The Uncollected Column
I dreamt of my childhood best friend the whole night through last night, and my heart is now so full of pain.
Im drunk and I’m in love with someone who loves me back and I don’t get to be with him he is hundreds of miles away and I can’t explain the divot in my heart that misses him. I can’t say I have ever felt this before
You find someone that you love with your whole heart, and suddenly your friends who only ever wanted you to be happy, are upset that this person is now in your life.
I think that’s how you know you’re still friends with children. But I’m not entirely sure. It blows my mind though. That someone who claims to care about you could be upset when you are in love and loved in return.
Hanni-em
Keep reading
What it’s like to lose someone to suicide,
When they made it to the other side.
You walk this earth.
We used to walk it together and I never thought I would walk it without you.
You always told me you were good, you lied so much and I always wondered what was underneath but you would never tell me even when I inquired.
I cared so much.
We had such a fun weekend, you told me you were getting better and that everything was finally ok.
I left your house and not even 24 hours later I got the call that you were found in a park, hypothermia, cuts, intoxication.
And somehow,
You were still breathing.
I rushed to you, to be with you.
You hadn’t even woken up yet.
You told me how beautiful it was to be so close to death and I told you that was the devils work in disguise.
And it hurt you.
I told you that I didn’t know when I would be able to trust you again, maybe I said it too soon.
But how could you try to take yourself from my life, how was I, or the hundreds of people who love you not enough reason to make you want to stay?
You wished you didn’t make it.
I was angry.
You went to outpatient, we talked, you moved to your aunts, we talked, you moved back home, with a terrible boy who helped you get to that awful place, we talked.. a little, very shallow talks we had.
You moved to Sacramento with him, we don’t talk anymore.
I lost you, I lost you the moment I wasn’t supposed to lose you.
The moment you came back, the moment you started using your second chance to pursue more influences and highs and when you still chose to ignore the real life in front of you. The beauties and the hardships, the real relationships, the fights and hugs and laughter.
You are hurt. There is nothing more I can do to help you heal, I thought there was, and if there is I have no idea. But it hurts me to keep trying, it hurts me so much and that’s why I don’t anymore, because you aren’t choosing to get better.
And if you don’t choose to get better,
you never will.
No matter how much we all try to help you.
That’s why we’ve all let go,
It’s your choice now.
I have detached.
I have met the love of my life. I know what it’s like now, to finally want children, to want a future with someone else, to want to get married as soon as possible, to be loved unconditionally. To no longer feel insecure, to know whatever I do he will still be there, I can cut my hair, wear make up, not wear a bra, look a mess, he will still see who I really am.
Hanni-em
Keep reading
And today I learned that you are the person who is going to show me that holidays don’t have to suck. That bad things don’t always happen. That they can be positive. Thank goodness I met you.
Hanni-em
