When someone bad mouths Bucky in your presence, you set things straight.
A Matter of Time (Completed)- Part 1, Part 2
Healing others took a lot out of you. It was only a matter of time until it was going to be too much on your body.
Affettuoso- With Feeling (Completed 😩)- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Finale+Epilogue
Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam's who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he's not the only one looking for a fresh start.
I'll Be All Yours (Oneshot)
You and Bucky have a different future ahead of you now. You want him to be around for it.
Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in louisiana, Bucky meeds a friend of Sam's who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he's not the only one looking for a fresh start.
Series Tags/Warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic VIolence, Canon Level Violence, PTSD, Mentions of Sex
Finale Word Count: 5k. Series Word Count: 78k.
A/N: What a wild ride folks. I hope this is everything you've been waiting for and more.
A soft click from the bottom of the stairs only confirmed that whoever was here was not going to announce themselves. Pre-meditated for sure, as they had waited for just Bucky to leave. Before they could come up the stairs, you padded over to the veranda. Silently, you turned the lock and pushed the sliding door open then closed behind you. You prayed you were quiet enough for it to go unnoticed.
You moved out from in front of the glass and tried to calm the tightness in your chest. Looking down, you saw the height of the drop. That's a no. Too loud, too much risk of injury. Turning, you looked at the roof. If you climbed up onto the railing, you could probably pull yourself up.
You felt like a gymnast, minus the ease, as you got a leg up onto the railing, bracing yourself against the siding. You didn't let your legs wobble as you took a peek over the side. Centering yourself with another deep breath, you pulled yourself up onto the roof as silently as you could. The asphalt shingles were rough, scraping and burning your hands and legs after soaking in the sun all day. Your shoulder burned and your rotator cuff hurt. You bit your tongue to stop from making a noise.
The veranda door opening made you move as quickly as you could to the opposite side of the pitch. You held your breath, listening for any sign of him having noticed you. A long moment passed. You could hear the waves lapping gently against the bank. A heron in the distance. Eventually, the glass slid closed again as you heard steps underneath you. You waited until the garage door opened before scrambling to the other side again. Peeking out from the pitch, you watched as the man looked around before heading towards the house.
You silently cursed. Your car keys were hanging up in the main house. You had no way out, and you doubted you could outrun him. But you could try to make it up the driveway and to a neighbor's house down the street. That was the best you could do. Bucky had wanted you to learn how to use his guns but you balked at the idea of shooting someone.
You were really starting to regret not at least seeing how it worked.
Slowly, you let yourself back down onto the railing, then the veranda. Sighing a breath of relief, you went to open the sliding glass door.
Locked.
What kind of criminal locks the door behind him??? You screamed in your head as you kept trying to pull, hoping for a miracle. You finally gave up and looked down one more time to the ground. One story wasn't too bad of a fall right? Especially if you got yourself hanging from the edge first.
Steeling yourself, you once again got up on the railing and dropped yourself on the other side, hanging on for dear life as your toes balanced on the inch that you had available.
Okay. Crouch. Grip. Hang. Drop. I can do this. You thought.
You got as far as grip. Your foot slipped and the momentum of you falling was too much for your shoulder. The bad one gave out and you couldn't hold on with the strength of just one hand. Caught off guard, you fell with a crunch in the gravel and your ankle. You fell to the side and tried not to scream. You bit down on the end of your shirt that you bundled up and stuffed into your mouth.
Breathe in and out. Get yourself together. You couldn't afford to dawdle.
You looked at your phone. Text was still sending. But hopefully there was no wait and he was on his way back now. 15 more minutes.
You got yourself up and tested your ankle. You winced as you tried to put any weight on it. It hurt bad but you could do a little. A lopsided run was better than none.
At least you were upright. You limped to the edge of the garage and braced yourself to run.
You must've been too loud because as soon as you turned the corner, you saw a fist coming to your line of vision. You managed to duck the first one, but the second knocked you down. The world spun slowly as your head lolled back onto the ground. Your double vision made you see two of the man who was now in front of you. Bald, scar on his cheek, no visible tattoos. Big. He must've had 100 pounds on you. You still had not gathered yourself when he grabbed the back of your shirt and dragged you into the rocky sand and into the water.
When he let you go, your head dropped underwater. The cold water shocked you and you immediately came up gasping.
“Stay Quiet.” The man said through gritted teeth as he kneeled over you and shoved you back down by your neck. The pressure made you cough, a bubble of your precious air leaving your mouth and floating up. You tried pushing on his arms to no avail. The pressure was building up in your head. Your lungs seared. You tried to scratch his face but you couldn't reach it. Your vision started fading at the edges as you held onto his wrists.
Stop panicking. You said to yourself.
Stop panicking. STOP PANICKING.
With everything that you still had left in you, you reached up over your head until your hand clasped onto the edge of metal and you pulled up an oyster cage and onto the man's head. He let out a yell and let up on his grip. You came up gasping. You flipped onto all fours, heaving and gagging while he clenched his face. The jagged rusted edges of the cage had put gashes in the man's head, blood rushing down into his eyes and over his hands. You stumbled up, still heaving, and limped quickly out of the water before seeing your oyster shucking knife. You took it and wade back into the water where the man was still blinded and with both hands, jammed it into the exposed crook of his neck and shoulder. Screaming, the man ripped it out immediately and started swinging it wildly. You left the water, stumbling until you reached the garage, leaning against it for support.
You gave yourself three seconds before you started towards the house. Limping up the porch steps, you bolted the door behind you and fell onto all fours. You coughed and tried to catch your breath, fishing your phone out of your pocket. It clattered onto the ground and you tried to turn it on.
The water must've killed it. You looked up at the hallway clock. 10 more minutes.
The heavy thud against the door scared you onto your feet. The angry yelling told you all you needed to know. You scrambled into the living room and grabbed the fire poker from it's caddy, iron scraping against iron. The sound of glass smashing made you turn around, a large rock and burst of broken glass sliding under your piano. Seeing a stick clear the rest of the glass on the edge, you ducked behind the wall. The best you could do is catch him off guard if he found you. 10 more minutes.
You braced yourself as the crunch of the glass beneath boots alerted you that he was in the house. They got louder as they headed in your direction. You crept around the corner into the hallway, positioning yourself so that you could hit him with the spoke and swing with your good arm.
The steps paused before they started stepping towards you again. You waited until they were right around the corner before swinging with all your might.
It landed in his face and stuck as he yelled and staggered back into the room and fell. At the same time you yelped and staggered into the wall, clutching your abdomen. He managed to slice you with the oyster knife. Blood bloomed across your ripped shirt as you pushed off the wall and stumbled into the room. He was laying back and holding the hole in his face with one hand and the iron poker with the other. You went over and heard the crunch of his wrist as you stomped on it. Another cry and he let go of the iron. You grabbed the iron and brought it down over his head again with a cry of what little voice you had. He tried getting up and you wrenched it out and swung again. There was a moment before he moved and, though exhausted, you swung once more.
You waited to see if there was any more movement. There was none. You didn't let go, breath heaving from the effort. Instead of calming, your breath got heavier and tears came to your eyes. Your chest heaved harder and a strangled scream came from your crushed throat as you lifted the iron once more and swung again. And again. And again.
Scream after scream, anger flooding your vision until a set of arms grabbed you from behind.
—
Bucky came to a slow stop at the light. Dusk had left only a low heat coming off of the asphalt. The radio was on low, playing a generic rock song that Bucky could barely make out. He leaned the bike to one side as he took out his phone to glance at the time.
Huh. Alert from the security system.
Security System Down.
He tried calling you, but there was no ring before it eventually went to voicemail.
Panic went through him as he stood still, barely hearing the car behind him honking as the other lanes passed him. Cursing in his head, he ignored the other honks as he pulled a hard u-turn and gripped the bike handles, the pit in his stomach growing as he gained a dangerous amount of speed.
—
You screamed and flailed as you were dragged backwards. There were arms wrapped around your torso. Black vibranium entered your vision as Bucky grabbed the iron to stop you from swinging it.
“Hey. Hey.” He said, trying to soothe you. Eventually you let go of the iron and it clattered to the ground.
“I'm here. You're okay. I'm here.” He said gently, encompassing you from behind in his arms.
Your chest heaved before your breath eventually quieted, devolving into sobbing. Your legs gave out and he caught you. He gently sat you down before turning you and cradling you into his chest. You let out strangled breaths in between sobs, slowly quieting down.
“I'm here,” he murmured, ignoring the pool of blood moving across the floor.
“I'm here.”
—
You slept soundly as the different machines beeped lightly in the background. Surgery had gone well, a clean row of stitches now adorning your stomach. Your sprained ankle was braced and elevated. Underneath your neck brace were deep maroon bruises. Matching ones littered your face, particularly under your eye and across your cheek.
Bucky softly brushed your cheekbone with the back of his fingers, trying not to wake you. It was your first real sleep of three days. After surgery, you had tried to resist taking stronger medication but you finally gave in after waking up from the pain whenever you tried to sleep.
Bucky had been waiting with you in his arms as the ambulance came. Paramedics took you away while another set went inside to assess the man inside. He was alive, barely. No ID on him and no facial scan was able to be taken after what you had done in self-defense. Only after handing his phone over to Sam was it able to be hacked into and used as evidence.
Onus had hired the man to make it look like you drowned in an accident. If it got messy, Bucky would've been the first to blame, giving plenty of time for the hitman to fade away into the background. But obviously they had underestimated your sheer willpower. You had only just started living again. You weren't going to give it up without a fight. And Bucky could attest, you put up one hell of a fight.
He tried not to blame himself as he looked upon your beaten figure. Sam had been a good anchor, being the one to urge Bucky to accompany you to the hospital while he worked with the local police. He made sure everything was taken care of, from security detail outside of your hospital room to replacing the floorboards steeped in blood that was thankfully not your own. The hitman was in a coma but they had everything they needed. Bucky would be sure to pass along the report to the U.S. Attorney.
While you could barely speak, you had hastily typed on your phone before surgery that you were still going to testify. Your battered form was in direct contrast with your fiery spirit but Bucky had expected as much. He had just nodded and placed a kiss against the crown of your hair, urging you to get some rest.
The IV pole beeping snapped Bucky out of his trance. He pressed something on it to silence the bell and fished through the mountains of flowers for the nurse call button. The orchestra, your friends from college, people you've worked with, and Sarah had flooded your room with cards, flowers, and their support after the incident had hit the news. While appreciative, you had started asking Bucky to take the excess flowers to the local nursing home. That had landed him a few wolf-whistles from the more wiley senior women. Bucky made a mental note to thank you for that later.
But he was mostly just thankful that you were alive. Somehow, against all the odds, you were still alive and fighting when he got there. It scared him to experience almost losing you. It felt different than losing Steve, or even losing a part of himself. Sam had comforted him that night before he got in the ambulance with you. The heels of his palms had been digging into his eyes as he breathlessly said,
“God, Sam. I can't believe she survived that.”
“Well believe it, buddy.” Sam had responded, clasping his shoulder firmly. “Because she's alive and she's gonna need you.”
—
Bucky had really underestimated that statement during your first days home. He helped you hobble up the patio steps on crutches before rushing a few steps ahead and unlocking the front door for you. He held it open as you passed him, hesitant to take in the house again. But it looked the same. After you fell asleep last night, he had come home to make sure everything was okay in the house. He emptied all the spoiled food from the fridge, placed flowers on the kitchen island, and even raked the gravel level where he could tell the initial struggle had gone down. Sam had already made sure the evidence was all logged before cleaning up the glass and replacing the window.
Bucky watched nervously as you looked over at the piano and then made your way down to the drawing room where the pool of blood had been. You wordlessly toed the edge of the new floorboards before turning and going straight to the bedroom, mumbling something about how they don't quite match and you were going to lay down.
To be honest, Bucky had been expecting worse. Maybe he would buy a carpet to cover it up.
Then the PTSD started kicking in. You would wake up in a cold sweat and panic. You had to start wearing tank tops to bed even though your shoulders got cold because your shirt would twist in your tossing and turning and get tight on your neck. There were a few times that Bucky had to help you wrench your shirt off and help you get your hair off of your neck.
He also held your hair as you vomited from the pain medication. It made you so nauseous and you could barely eat. You were siphoning weight. You looked like a ghost as you stared out the window most days. The only times you really talked were the zoom calls with the attorney. Bucky held your hand under the table as you recounted everything that had happened with as much detail as you could. After those sessions you were exhausted and irritable.
It came to a head when a particularly long session had just ended. You'd barely eaten all day and you just wanted a glass of wine. It was only until Bucky had walked into the kitchen and saw the uncorked bottle that he sighed and called across the kitchen counter into the drawing room.
“You should eat something first, honey.”
You mumbled that you weren't hungry, bringing the glass up to your lips. Bucky didn't get mad, just kept his tone even.
“You know what the doctor said about drinking on your medication, especially on an empty stomach.”
“Fine,” You snapped, slamming down the wine glass. It cracked against the glass of the table and spilled onto the carpet Bucky had just put down the other day.
You cursed and bent over, picking up shards. Bucky came over and wordlessly checked your hand. You yanked it back, dropping the shards back onto the carpet.
“Don't touch me.” You spat. He tried to keep a neutral look on his face but that only made you feel worse, tears coming to your eyes as you hobbled up from the ground.
“I hate this goddamn carpet. I'm going to bed.” You mumbled before going to your shared room and closing the door.
Bucky just sighed and started picking up shards. He couldn't blame you. He knew this was a necessary part of dealing with what you were dealing with. He eventually dropped all the shards and just rolled the entire carpet up and carried it out to the trash. By the time he showered and got in bed behind you, you were passed out. He hugged your back to him and relished your warmth. It meant you were alive and that was the important part.
—
The next day he had Sarah offer to take you to physical therapy and then the dock with her while she worked. You could “get some sun and read a book.” You didn't really feel like it but you were inwardly remorseful for the previous night.
Sam and Joaquin came over and helped move everything out of the drawing room before tearing all the floorboards up. Bucky had picked out something different that still meshed with the rest of the house. By the time you had come home that night, there was a completely new floor in there.
You were silent as you stood, staring at him from across the new boards.
“I figured this was better than just covering up the new spot with carpet. Now you can't tell there was one.” He said nervously.
A beat passed before you brought your hands up to your eyes, shoulders shaking as you started crying. Bucky quickly crossed the room and hugged you.
“I'm sorry, I should've asked-”
“No,” you hiccuped. “I've been so terrible and you still did all of this for me. I'm so sorry, Bucky.”
He sighed in relief and brushed your hair back, cradling your head as you looked up at him.
“You've been through a lot. It's okay, honey. I love you.”
“I love you too.” You sniffled, burying your face in his shirt.
—
That had been a turning point for you.
Ginger had agreed to fill in for the last concert of the season since you were in no condition to play. You sat in your normal box with Bucky and Sam as you clapped for the shining oboist, and laughed when Sam procured a giant floral arrangement for the star. You were even more thrilled that they loved her so much, they offered her the soloist contract for the upcoming season.
The season afterparty was held at your house, filled with love and well-wishes and a “hope to see you soon.” A chapter was coming to a close. You had no need for your moniker anymore. You were you, authentically and unapologetically.
The attempted murder trial came first. The hired hitman, awake and sans one eye and straight nose bridge, was sentenced to life without parole. You had little problem looking him in the eye as he was declared guilty. The hardest trial would be the one against Onus. It looked like they were denying that they had any part in the job, but Dean was hopeful that they would settle with all the bad PR. If they didn't, there would probably be another year and a half before the case went to trial. A long time, but you had plenty. You weren't going anywhere.
—
Fall
The warm air was a welcome change of pace. You breathed it in and sighed happily, watching the bride and groom dance. Julia looked stunning as she spun around with Raul in her white dress, akin to a goddess. It was a good sign that he could keep her pace while dancing. If he could do that, he could keep up with her in life.
The lights twinkled overhead along with the stars, strung across the courtyard and terra cotta arches. The hand painted mosaic tiles and arid plantlife set the perfect scene for the blending of their families. You took one last sip of champagne before going from the head table to the table where Bucky was sitting. He was by himself as Sam had gone to steal Ginger for a dance. The ceramic tiles clacked under your heels as you straightened out the satin front of your dress.
“Hello, handsome.” You greeted playfully, sitting across Bucky's lap.
“Hello, pretty lady.” He countered with a dashing smile. You chuckled as you straightened out his tie before clasping your hands behind his neck. Together you sat, enjoying the light chatter and cheerful atmosphere. The music had moved most people to the dance floor, so it was relatively peaceful in your corner of the courtyard.
“What a beautiful wedding.” You hummed, watching all of your friends dance to the Latin music. Petra went around teaching various guests the moves while Starr and her husband stole the spotlight for a moment with a dramatic dip. Dev was confidently doing his own thing while making a group of girls laugh good-naturedly.
“Would you want a wedding like this?” Bucky asked, tightening his arms around your waist.
You couldn't hide the flush that came up across your face as you tried not to act overly pleased about the question.
“Something like this. Maybe a little smaller. More intimate. Maybe closer to home? In a garden. And when it's warm like this.” Your answers grew more confident as they came to you.
“Duly noted.” Bucky said, a warm smile on his face.
“And would you? … Want to get married someday?” You asked shyly.
“I would. If you wanted to.”
You couldn't stop the smile from coming across your face. You leaned into him and hugged his head to your chest.
“Of course I would.”
You ran a hand through his hair before bringing his chin up and kissing him. You sat contentedly in each other's arms before the song changed into something fast and fun. Your quiet reverie was broken by Sam and Ginger running over and dragging you both onto the dance floor.
You laughed as Sam spun you before dipping you. Bucky tried not to yell as Ginger did the same to him.
“Thanks, Sam. For everything.” You said, dancing a simple Bachata with him.
“Hey, that's what I'm here for. You know I love you.”
“I love you too.”
You danced together for the rest of the song before he handed you back off to Bucky.
The mood shifted as a slower song played. You laid your head against his shoulder and swayed. His hand held you close by your lower back. It felt good and right to be together. Out of all the confusion he's suffered in his life, you were one of the only things that felt right. It was the same for you too. It didn't take away the pain but you were more determined to bear it.
Epilogue
Spring
Bucky had come out of the kitchen to greet you when you came home from physical therapy.
“Did Dean call you?” You shouted from the entrance, slipping your shoes off. You figured it was something about the case, as he had called you in the middle of your appointment. You took a swig from your water bottle as Bucky smiled with one of the biggest grins you've ever seen on him.
“What?” You questioned nervously. It was hardly ever good news. Bucky had been working closely with Dean on the case, as well as with Sam in DC. Apparently congress was trying to pass a bill having to do with post-blip regulation and recovery after the case had gone on the news. Many people had shared their own stories about falling through the cracks online and it had started a wave of protests and wanting change.
Bucky was taking a part, but it usually just entailed him reading and taking notes. The process was slow moving, as was anything with government, and required the occasional trip to DC which always had him mumbling something under his breath about “Do I have to do this myself?”
You just stared at him skeptically while he maintained the smile and put his phone down.
“They settled.” He said, matter-of-fact.
“...They settled?” You asked, it not really sinking in yet.
“Onus settled.” He affirmed with a nod.
“They settled… Oh my God. They settled!” You yelled, dropping your bag and running into a hug. He spun you around with a laugh. The hitman apparently wasn't liking life at the prison he was assigned to. So in exchange for a transfer to a white-collar prison, he agreed to testify against Onus. They couldn't deny that. It meant no rough, defaming trial. It meant not getting accused and slandered to pieces, your personal life and lowest moments on display. It meant justice, it meant peace. It meant it was over.
You hopped up and down excitedly when he finally let you go.
“Ohmygod, ohmygod, oh my god, oh my… Oh my god.”
When you faced Bucky again, he was saying your full name, down on one knee.
“You are my entire life. My reason for living and my reason for happiness,” he started, voice calm and even, grabbing your hand.
“I never would have dreamed that I got a second chance at life. For a long time, it didn't even feel worth trying. But you came along and made it worth it. Thank you.” He squeezed your hand as you blinked back the tears. He fished a ring box from his pocket and opened it to show you.
“Will you marry me?”
All you could do was nod as he took your left hand and slipped the ring on your finger. Vintage flair, but still the shape and cut you wanted. The perfect blend of old and new. You dropped to your knees to be level with him and kissed him, devolving into a mess of laughter and happy tears as he kissed all over your nose and cheeks.
“I love you.” You finally got out as he helped you wipe the tears away, relaxing into his arms.
“I love you too.”
There were still bad days. But Bucky loved you and you loved him too. He had moved on from only making amends for the world and started making amends for himself. Loving you was the first and foremost way of doing that, because you shined and both his life and the world were brighter for it.
—
Dean ended the call and pocketed his phone. He leaned back into the lawn chair, stretching out and leaning an arm over the headstone next to him. The grave was newly cleaned and he had brought a fresh set of flowers and a couple of beers. He stared up into the sky.
“We did it, Geri.”
—
The piano was going full fledged as you watched Sarah walk through the entrance and out of your sight. You nervously brushed the front of your dress one more time before retaking Sam's arm. He was in full military honors. He took a white-gloved hand and patted yours that was in the crook of his arm.
“Deep breath, sunshine. It's your turn.”
He counted down as you brushed the veil out of your face and adjusted your flowers. The double doors opened again as everyone stood to see you.
You didn't see anyone but Bucky.
He was waiting for you at the end of the aisle. Arms crossed in front of him, tux flawless. You watched his gentle smile grow.
Your nerves settled a little. You grew breathless as you walked closer to him. He met you at the end of the aisle, giving Sam a big hug before taking your hand and walking you to the officiant. Sam took his space right behind Bucky, next to Joaquin and Dev. Julia fluffed out your veil, took your flowers, and gave you a kiss on your cheek before getting back in place with Ginger and Sarah.
“Ready?” He asked, looking into your eyes like you were the only thing in his world.
You nodded, squeezing his hands, heart overflowing.
“Ready.”
—
The cheering was thunderous as you walked out onto stage. Arthur had introduced you once more as you, The Queen of Russian Classics, though your name was no accident. While you loved being called Mrs. Barnes, you had opted to keep your performing name the same. You waved to the crowd. Your postponed finale concert was finally here.
You sat Bucky down on the window bench next to the piano.
“You remember how I said if I was dying, there would be one more song I wanted to hear?”
Bucky nodded.
“Well. This is it. This is what I want to play for the last concert.”
He waited solemnly as you made your way to the bench. Taking a deep breath and adjusting in your seat, positioning your foot by the pedal.
You played.
Ballade No. 1 in G minor, Op. 23.
Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso Boku to Kimi to no Ongakuchou 四月は君の嘘 僕と君との音楽帳 (Download)
(MP3/320K/BK) Release (2014.11.19)
Tracklist
01 Piano
The concert was almost over. Bucky had enjoyed seeing you perform on stage once again. He felt a pang of guilt for taking you away from it. Well, he wasn't, you had assured him. You were choosing to do something else. And that something else was helping Bucky run for Congress. You'd found a nice little brownstone in DC. Once the campaign was over, you were sure you could find some work to do. But until then, you would help him manage his entrance into politics. You knew there was more to it than just wanting to help reform the government, but you didn't push him into telling you more than you needed to know. Even if he was there for alternative reasons, he could still get some good done while there.
He couldn't help but reflect how lucky he was as he watched your fingers fly across the keys. Your whole body was into it and your hair shone as overhead lights reflected off of it. You were a dream. Bucky's best girl. His world.
You played the song with your whole heart. It had taken on a new meaning with you. Before, it was a song you played on your worst days, just to feel a different pain than the one you were used to feeling. Something you played when you hoped for an ending to what you were going through. You would play it when you wished the world would swallow you whole and if you were lucky, you would fade into the void and feel nothing.
Now, you played it as an ending to one chapter, and the beginning of the next. You played it to feel. You played it to remember what you’ve been through and what you've done, and appreciate how it got you here and what you'd do next.
When you printed out the sheet music to make notes for the orchestra, you looked at the front page where the tempo was marked. Humming thoughtfully, you grabbed a pencil and scribbled in your first note above.
Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam's who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he's not the only one looking for a fresh start.
Series tags/warning: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic Violence, Canon Level Violence, PTSD, Mentions of Sex
Part 13 Word Count: 5k
A/N: Thank you for your love and patience ❤️ The end is in sight❤️
Every heart and comment motivates me and is just so wonderful.
You made your way to the window, coffee in hand. Taking in the scent of your favorite creamer, you closed your eyes. The sun coming through in the early morning warmed your skin. Summer had came full force and was just now making it's exit. Chilly in the morning, scorching by the afternoon. You opened your eyes and let them drift down to where Bucky was fixing up Steve’s old bike. After pouring yourself into home improvements, your lack of real distractions was starting to get to you. You picked absentmindedly at your lip before once again pulling off a little more than you should've. You huffed and sucked on the raw spot knowing Bucky would say something again. He doesn't like it when you did this to yourself.
But it had been too quiet for you.
Surely you had expected something to happen by now. But every concert, while packed, had gone by without incident. The news had had their fill. Some called it a comeback. Others called it a publicity stunt, and some ran their focus on the Winter Soldier. Had he been the one to hurt you? Last anyone had heard, you were engaged. Now, you were in another part of the country with an ex-assassin and your former fiance was nowhere to be found. Conspiracy theories ran wild before settling down. You don't know how Bucky dealt with all of the media all of the time. It was exhausting.
The sound of the front door made you realize how badly you had zoned out. Setting the cup on the windowsill, you turned to Bucky who was wiping his hands on a towel while giving you a smile.
"Doing alright?" He asked, eyebrow lifting as he eyed the red spot on your lip.
"... Yes. What makes you ask?" You questioned with a weak laugh.
He didn't chastise you, instead choosing you pull you in with a sigh. You gripped the back of his shirt and buried your head in his arm. Therapy was helping. It had definitely been way worse. But Bucky was a patient man. How could he not when he's been on the receiving end so many times?
"C'mon. I came in because the lights got delivered." He said with a smile as he pulled back and tapped the underneath of your chin.
That perked you up. One of your projects had been finishing up the back yard to host Julia's bachelorette trip. She's always wanted to visit New Orleans. Originally during Mardi Gras, but the idea had proved too intense for multiple bridesmaids, including yourself. You did know the area pretty well since the Philharmonic was there, but you tried to avoid the city and stay to your cut of the woods. So instead of making everyone stay in hotels, you offered the house. Bucky graciously suggested that he stay in the garage apartment during their stay so that you could fully enjoy their company, which you found ludicrous, but you realized eventually that it would probably would be more comfortable for him.
He was too good to you. You watched as he picked up the boxes and lead the way to the backyard. Stepping through the sliding glass doors, you took a deep breath, smelling the impending fall. There was a new grill on the deck, and the newly renovated firepit was beautiful and ready to be used. Bucky had built you a large pergola to put over the seating area, spending a few days measuring angles and sawing out back. The last thing to do was to hang up the lights and plant some ivy.
Bucky set the boxes down, taking out his knife and cutting through the packaging. You had gone for some warm edison bulbs, the matte black finish of the bases being exactly what you envisioned. You gave a genuine pleased smile. Bucky let out a small breath of relief. You had enjoyed redoing the space, making it both of yours. Steve's record player having it's own table of honor as you occasionally slow danced before bed. Bucky's few treasured pictures were hung in prominant spots. Him and Sam in New York, a picture of him with AJ and Cass hanging off of his arm. But there was only so much you could redo in the house. Playing the piano was also good but wore you out faster, resulting in a muscle relaxer and the subsequent odd sleeping schedule. It was better for you to plan and him to do. He didn't mind though. He was enjoying his honey-do list. Only because it was for you.
Bucky took his toolbelt and wrapped it around your waist, taking in the belt loop an extra few holes than he would for himself. Before you could question it, he got behind you, his hands on your waist, and then lifted you up over his head and onto his shoulders. A half-laugh half-shriek came from you as you steadied yourself. You couldn't see his giant grin as he walked you over to the pergola.
"Okay, I'll take this," he started, taking the string of lights from your hand. "And you nail where you want to hang it."
"Am I qualified for this?" You scoffed, already taking the hammer out of it's spot.
"You don't remember? I was there. You graduated from Barnes University. Master's in Carpentry Assisting. Walked across the stage with honors."
You laughed and then chastised him to hold still, putting a few nails in your mouth before steadying one against the wood and taking a few whacks. One discarded sweater and several whacks later- the lights were up.
He let you down and you admired your work, hands on your hips. Bucky smiled,enjoying the moments where you seemed yourself. He still thought moving was the best idea, but it also meant severing the contract with the orchestra and your new home. He could either keep putting up a fuss or support you. So he chose to support you.
He put a hand around your shoulder and you snuggled in. He would do anything as long as it was for you.
—
"Vehicle Approaching"
Bucky's head snapped up from the paper as he checked his phone. Video footage of an average sedan coming down the driveway popped up. Looking out of the window, he jogged down the hall to peak in the guest room. Your back was to him, headphones on. You had opted to practice on your electric keyboard so as to not disturb him. He insisted it wasn't a problem but he always ended up putting aside what he was doing and listening in admiration until you finished.
Thankful that you never checked your phone in the middle of a song, he left you to your flurry of weighted clicks. He ran to the door to open it before whoever it was could knock or ring the doorbell to disturb you. He ended up startling a middle-aged man in a suit and briefcase.
"Can I help you?" Bucky asked, arm up and leaning against the doorway, taking up as much space to intimidate as possible.
The man cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses.
"I'm looking for Ms.-"
"Wrong house." Bucky said, quickly closing the door. He was unsuccessful though as the man had stuck his briefcase in between. Bucky grunted and opened the door again as the man repeated that he was looking for you- by your real name.
"Look, buddy-" Bucky started, about to tell him off before he heard you behind him.
"Bucky?"
Inwardly, he groaned. You were always nervous after anyone besides delivery drivers came to the house. He was hoping to avoid putting you on high alert the next few days.
The man sighed in relief and addressed you by your real last name which made you frown visibly. He procured a business card and boldly reached past Bucky to put it in your hand.
"Dean Howell. U.S. Attorney. I've come to see if you would testify in court."
—
"I'm sorry, what?"
Your whole body stiffened in shock as the three of you sat in the drawing room.
"Your ex-fiance, Nick Foray, died several months ago." Mr. Howell repeated, grim but matter-of-fact.
The metal plates in Bucky's arm shifted silently as he clenched and unclenched his hand. He looked at you nervously while you sat, hands in fists against your knees, wringing the hem of your sundress. Your expression was unreadable.
"I understand that he had become very unstable to the point of violence, correct?" The lawyer pressed after a moment.
"... yes." You eventually breathed out. "But what does that have to do with why you're here? Did he hurt someone else?"
He held up a hand and spoke.
"Allow me to explain."
He took a manila folder from his briefcase and opened it before handing it to you.
"I prepped one for you too, Mr. Barnes." He said as he handed Bucky one of his own.
You stared at the top of the paper.
UNITED STATES V. ONUS PHARMICEUTICALS
"I'm not sure if you were aware, but Mr. Foray had started a new medication shortly before you were together," Mr. Howell started. "It was supposed to help with his bipolar. And it worked stunningly… Until it didn't."
You sifted through the papers until you found pictures of an MRI of a brain.
"I wasn't aware he was officially diagnosed. He certainly didn't seem like it at the beginning." You mumbled.
"That's because the medication worked for the bipolar. What it also did was cause a brain tumor to form on his frontal lobe. That was where all the aggression came from."
You let out a small huh as you continued looking at the scans. The last time you had seen brain scans was when you're mom was dying.
"It caused brain tumors to form in a lot of people actually." He leaned over to pull out a specific page of your papers to the front. "Hundreds."
You scanned the list of names.
"So, then why do you need me?"
Mr. Howell let out a small breath and adjusted to sit more comfortably, sitting forward with his elbows on his knees.
"Nick's case is one of the most severe by far. See, when the Blip happened and the world's rules and regulations went to hell, a lot of things fell through the cracks. Case studies were overlooked and Onus was allowed to put this drug out onto the market of an already suffering population. These are people who are hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical debt, who will never be the same again, and have left behind loved ones. Many people have suffered. But Mr. Foray had an extremely aggressive form, which was rarer, and in a particularly consequential spot. With your personal testimony, we can get you and these families guarenteed recompense and the justice you deserve." He finished with a pound of his fist.
There was a pause before Bucky cut in.
"Who did you lose?"
Mr. Howell cleared his throat and shifted in his seat.
"Officially, no one. It's a conflict of interest, and I'd be taken off the case."
"I was seeing somebody…" The lawyer sighed and sat back in his chair. "I can't lie. It'd be hard. We'd have to present cases and evidence of abuse. Every hospital visit, every medical record would be on display. Their lawyers would try to tear you apart during cross examination. They'll be viscious. Might even bring your current relationship into this." He nodded towards Bucky.
You still hadn't looked up. Quiet as a mouse, you asked, "And if I don't want to?"
"We would still probably win. But the payout and the consequences for the people in charge wouldn't be nearly as harsh. We're talking a difference of hundreds of millions."
Another beat.
"... Can I think about it?" Your voice was weak.
"Of course," he started, as he rose. "You have my card. I need to know by the end of the month, at the absolute latest." He stuck out his hand and you shook yourself out of your daze to meet his handshake.
"I'm sorry for everything you've been through." He said earnestly as he placed his other hand on the top of yours. He shook Bucky's hand too before taking his leave. You sat back down, eyes unfocused as Bucky closed the door. He came and sat next to you in silence as you stewed. Eventually, he spoke.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't think so."
More silence.
"It wasn't his fault." You breathed, clutching your chest.
Bucky knelt in front of you and grabbed your arms, attempting to ground you in reality.
"That doesn't change what you went through."
"I should've caught it…" You wheezed, tears starting to spring to your eyes, bracing yourself against his arms.
"Doll, there's no way you could've known."
"It wasn't his fault and instead of helping him, I ran away!"
A wail left you as you grieved, head against his shoulder as he held you with a pained expression.
"There's no way you could've known." He said again. You knees fell onto the floor and you sobbed. Bucky didn't let go of you, rocking with you and repeating it as many times as he needed to until you passed out in his arms.
—
The next morning, Sam came over with everything he had on it.
"FDA misregulations were on my radar in terms of Blip reform but, man, I had no idea how bad it was."
Bucky hummed, holding his cup, hardly having taken a sip of his coffee. After carrying you to bed, he had sent a text to Sam and laid awake, staring at the ceiling. He was worried about you. And a small part of him was selfishly scared of how this would affect your relationship. Would you feel for him differently now that your last relationship wasn't as ill-intentioned as you thought? Would you miss Nick and lessen your affection for him? Would you realize he was a rebound and decide you weren't dealing with any more mentally ill freaks? Bucky had sat up, shaking the thoughts out of his head and settling on the floor to finally sleep.
In the light of morning, he shoved those thoughts out permanently. You needed him right now. That's all that mattered.
Maybe therapy was working. He mused grimly as Sam stacked all the papers back into the manila folder the attorney had left.
"I hadn't bothered keeping closer tabs on the guy. If he crossed state lines I would've gotten a ping but other than that…" Sam said about Nick. He ran a hand over his head before looking at Bucky.
"I'm glad you were here."
"Me too." Bucky said softly.
"And you look like shit."
There it is. Bucky snorted and sipped his coffee.
They both turned their heads as they heard the door to the bedroom open. Tentatively, you padded down the hall. You looked deceptively put together. Showered and dressed; The only telltale sign of strife was the residual swolleness of your eyes.
"There she is." Sam said cheerily as he held out his arm for you. You leaned into him, still shorter even while he was on the barstool, and gave him a big hug. He pecked your temple and after a few moments you pulled away.
"You gonna be okay?" He asked.
"Yeah. Eventually." You answered evenly.
"Know what you're going to do?"
All you did was shake your head no, nervousness creeping into your body language.
"Well, if you want to talk about it with anyone other than tinman, you know I'm here." Sam assured you in an attempt to ground you. You sighed and let the tension leave your shoulders.
"I know Sammy. Thank you." You reached out and held his hand.
"Anytime, babygirl. Anything you need, you just call me."
Bucky handed you a cup of coffee, which you accepted gratefully.
"Do you want me to call Julia and tell her something came up?" He asked. The girls were supposed to be here in a week's time.
You shook your head no again.
"No. I want to celebrate with her. It'll be a good distraction. Help me compartmentalize and shove all of that way, way deep down." You laid a hand on the bottom of your sternum for a visual.
Sam swung his head to look at Bucky who was making a face like it wasn't the worst idea he'd ever heard. Sam rolled his eyes and sighed. Therapy be damned.
—
And compartmentalize you did. The girls were none the wiser as they shrieked and hugged you coming out of the Uber XL in your driveway. Besides Julia, there were two you knew from college and the other you were acquainted with through her dance studio. Bucky hastily introduced himself and helped unload baggage from the back of the van. After thanking the driver, you linked arms with Julia and led the way into the house.
You had set out a drink station and charcuterie board in the drawing room, which the girls were thankful for. You gave them the pick of the rooms, having decided ahead of time that you were going to share the apartment with Buck while they were here. Speaking of which, you were very grateful for his support the whole week. Besides the occasional check in of "how are you doing?" he hadn't brought up your current dilemma. You just wanted to ignore it and pour yourself into planning the bachelorette. Maybe after a weekend of like company and alcohol you'd find yourself ready to face your fears.
Maybe.
Settling into the seating by the firepit, you raised your glasses and toasted to Julia's impending nuptials. A quiet moment passed before Ginger, a concert oboist, turned to glance at Bucky and back at you.
"So… I'm not gonna lie, I read the papers."
"Ginger!" Petra scolded as she threw a balled up napkin at her. Ginger batted it away easily into the fire.
"What? Are we just going to pretend we're not all wondering how she bagged that voluptuous piece of ass???"
You all laughed, making Bucky glance over. He was glad that the heat from the grill excused the redness in his face as he couldn't help but overhear.
"I'm surprised Julia didn't tell you." You said good naturedly, taking a sip of your pink champagne.
"It wasn't my business to tell." She replied, waving her hands in the air.
"Only share what you want." Starr cut in. Her gentle demeaner was appreciated. You could tell she was great for the kids' dance classes at the studio. Meanwhile, Petra was pretending to cut Ginger off from the champagne. They were always thick as thieves from the start. Destiny caused flutes and oboes sit next to each other in concert order.
"Well, it was actually through a mutual friend. And then he sorta… moved in? But in the apartment across the driveway!" You added quickly, feeling the awe in Ginger's expression.
"Nuh uh. So how fast did you boink?"
This time, all the girls threw something at her.
"Okay, okay. FINE. Sorry."
"Well it wasn't right away," you answered anyway. "Way more than three dates."
"But you have?" Petra jumped in, making Ginger call her a hypocrite. The redness in your ears told them everything they needed to know.
"Dinner's ready! And Sam's here!" Bucky called from the deck. More cheering ensued.
"Well, hello ladies!" Sam crooned, turning on the charm and making Bucky roll his eyes. You laughed and leaned into Bucky while the ladies introduced themselves.
"A pleasure." He replied, kissing Ginger's hand. If Bucky wasn't done with him before, he definitely was now. He feigned gagging as Ginger swooned, making you snort.
"I knew I shouldn't have invited him to help." He grumbled into your ear, all of the attention still on Sam.
"Eh, it's better him than me." You chuckled. Bucky held you against him tighter, happy to hear you laugh.
"Alright, alright. Enough of me, who's hungry?"
—
The rest of the night went well. You woke up in a full sized bed with Bucky squishing you against the wall and Alpine on top, purring away. Tight, but you weren't complaining. Your sleeping schedule had been slightly off, so you weren't usually in bed but practicing well into the evening lately. It was nice to fall asleep together again.
Bucky stirred at you stretching, rolling over and giving you a lazy smile.
"Good morning, beautiful." He nuzzled your cheek before kissing your neck.
"Mmm. Good morning." You respond, laughing breathily. You give him a full kiss before you pop up. Alpine protested but moved at your insisting.
"I should probably start on brunch." You yawned, Bucky peppering kisses on the soft skin of your belly as you yelped in surprise.
"Or," he proposed in between kisses. "You could stay in bed with me… and have a nice… long morning."
"That is very, very tempting." You hummed as he settled himself between your legs.
"I'm gonna take that as a yes." He grinned before sticking his fingers under your waistband.
—
An hour and a shower later, you walked into the house, not surprised that no one was up yet. What did surprise you was the shuffling you heard in the living room as you passed it. Peaking your head in, you saw that Sam was turning on the couch. You and Bucky had turned in early but you could've sworn he was right behind you.
"You're still here?" You questioned.
He mumbled something about having too much to drink before pulling a blanket over his head. You huffed but smiled, going to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water and some aspirin to put on the side table.
"Sam's still here?" Bucky asked as he passed you in the kitchen.
"Yeah. Drank too much." You said with a smile, tying your hair up and grabbing eggs out of the fridge.
"How out of character." He murmured sarcastically, grabbing a cutting board.
—
Brunch went off without a hitch, the new Captain America sobering up and no worse for the wear as you sent him home. After making sure you didn't need anything else, Bucky gave you a peck on your hair and went out to work on Steve's bike.
"Things are still going well I see." Julia said with a bright smile. She blew on her tea as the other girls looked at you excitedly.
"Very…" You said shyly, glancing out the window at him.
"So when's the wedding?" Ginger joked.
"Woah, slow down, cowboy. It's been less than a year." You chastised.
"But he looks at you like you're his whole world." Starr said dreamily, head in her hands. Petra pushed further.
"If he asked you though, like today, would you say yes?"
Your face burned red and you mumbled a tentative maybe as the girls gasped dramatically before switching the subject. "But enough about me. What's Raul doing this weekend?"
"He's with his buddies in Puerto Rico. I told him to go big. He deserves it. His schedule isn't as flexible as mine so he should make the most of it. I can just move some classes around or get someone to cover for me." Julia said with a shrug.
"Awh, you should've done something equally big." You pouted.
"You say that like it's not going to be a Saturday night in New Orleans." Petra snorted.
"Yeah, I'm so excited to go bar hopping tonight!" Julia reaffirmed.
"She's been talking about it for weeks." Starr added.
Feeling less self-conscious now, you moved onto the other girls' lives. Casual conversation flowed easy until it was time to get ready.
"ID?"
"Check."
"Buy the Bride a Drink sign?"
"Check."
You ran through the rest of the checklist as everyone got into their shoes.
"Okay the uber should be here any minute." Starr said, checking her phone.
You pulled on the hem of your miniskirt one more time before nervously brushing out the suede front. It felt like a lifetime ago that you last went out to a bar.
"I think your car just pulled up-" Bucky yelled, popping his head through the front door before his eyes landed on you and whistling.
The girls all giggled as he opened the door wider to get a better look.
"Ah, you're sure it's not too much?"
"It's not too much if I can't get enough." He shot back suavely, the tittering ever constant.
An involuntary grin came across your face as you all filed out past him. As the last one out, the sudden smack on your ass made you squeak.
You animal you mouthed at him, smile never leaving your face as you turned to check if anyone had seen.
"Be safe." He said innocently as he pecked you on the cheek.
You pointed two fingers at yourself and turned them to him before getting in the uber. The universal sign for I'm watching you.
Bucky laughed and watched as the car took you up the long driveway. As soon as you were out of sight, he texted Joaquin. He was in town and would "bump into the girls" so at least they would have someone sober in case something went sideways. He wasn't particularly proud of himself, but better than risking anything, and much better than getting caught himself watching you. Besides, Joaquin would actually have fun and fit in with the crowd. Not be a stoic stick-in-mud.
And if anyone ever found out and asked him how he slept at night, he'd answer just fine with her beside me.
—
The night went off without a hitch. Joaquin took his duties very seriously. (Well as seriously as you can get with five very turnt bridesmaids in your group.) The drinks were free flowing and the night life was beautifully lit. The photos would serve as evidence it actually happened, which would be needed after you all woke up in the state you were in. You had stumbled up the stairs into the apartment where Bucky was sitting up reading, crawled into his lap, bade goodnight to alpine (it was a white hat on the back of the chair) and fell asleep promptly.
Laughing to himself, he lovingly changed you into one of his shirts and set you in bed, spooning you to his heart's content. The next day was full of aspirin, coffee, and pajamas all around. You all spent the day watching wedding movies before making smores and a huge bed on the floor of the living room-chatting until you each fell asleep. As the last two awake, you laid next to Julia and chuckled silently. She laughed back and took your hand.
"I found my love, but I'm happy you found yours too." She whispered, threading her fingers through yours.
"Me too." You smiled in the dark.
You drifted off to sleep, hand in hand.
—
Sam offered to drive them to the airport in Sarah's minivan the next day. You hugged everyone goodbye, a few tears slipping out before you cheered each other up. Only a few more months and the wedding would be here before you knew it. Watching the van go up the gravel path, you couldn't help but lean your head against Bucky's ever-steady chest.
He spent the rest of the day watching your favorite shows until you both got tired of the screen and went on a walk to stretch your legs. The days were subtly getting shorter, and the sun was slowly creeping downwards as you both hung your legs off the dock.
"I think I'm going to do it." You said suddenly, leaning against Bucky.
"Do what?" He hummed.
"Testify."
He stiffened and turned to you.
"You sure? You still have more time to think about it. Don't think that you owe those people anything." He said, grasping your hands gently.
"I know. But I owe it to Nick. Once it's over, I can put it past me. I have one more concert in this contract. They want to renew but I'll find them a sub and if they still want me, I'll come back after the trial. And then I can finally just focus on the future and what's in front of me." You said with a tired smile. Bucky knew you were talking about him. With a tight swallow, he gave your hands a squeeze.
"It's going to be hard. But anything you need, I'm here."
"I know. I love you."
He hummed and held your head as you nuzzled into his neck.
"I love you too, doll."
—
You had absolutely zero food in your house after a few days full of guests. The bane of having a secluded place was that no one offered delivery to this area. While you hated him leaving, you loved the thought of Bucky returning with your Thai order.
You gave him a peck as he hopped on his bike. The motor growing quieter as he left the property to the main road. Checking the last rays of sun, you decided to check on your harvest by the dock. Crawfish were off season, but at least you could grow oysters all year. Sarah had given you some spats to grow and you knew there was a batch almost ready for harvest.
Pulling up the cage closest shore, you flipped it open, revealing a set of full grown oysters. You were teeming with excitement. Taking the shucking knife you had grabbed out of your pocket, you were just about to start gathering a few when you heard the purr of a motorcycle.
Figuring Bucky must've forgotten his phone or wallet, you shook off your thick gloves, jogging around to the front of the garage and up the steps. You paused when you flicked the switch and no power came on. A deep sense of dread came over you. Something wasn't right. Quickly, you ran to the window and cracked the blinds. A figure you didn't recognize parked and put on leather gloves, looking around. Ducking quickly, you pulled out your phone.
No wifi. Spotty signal in the woods.
Praying that it would eventually send, you sent Bucky a text and shoved you phone back in your pocket. If he left 10 minutes ago and he didn't check his phone until he got there, it would be 5 more minutes until he maybe saw your message. Another 15 to get home.
Warning: SPOILERS for Thunderbolts, especially end credits. A little angsty!
You and Bucky have a different future ahead of you now. You want him to be around for it.
A/N: I moved and fell off the face of the earth ;_;. I'm sorry. But Thunderbolts has brought me back to life. Please enjoy!
Masterlist
It's quiet as you look away from your book, glancing out onto the cityscape. You hummed and closed your eyes. The afternoon sun was shining, rays falling through the large window panes of the Avengers common area onto your blanketed lap; The smell of your peppermint tea wafting in the air.
Bob looked up from his book.
"Feeling okay?"
You slouched as you stretched in your arm chair that was facing him. At least once a week you joined Bob in "book club"- which was less about discussing the book and more about just reading in peace together. A suggestion you had made when he was looking for things to keep him busy.
"Yeah, just enjoying the warmth," you replied, sitting back into the chair. He smiled and nodded before going back to his book. Though your efforts to relax were bound to be in vain as the voices grew louder through the automated door.
"It is a shield-"
"Shitty. Shield."
You let a large exhale through your nose and smiled apologetically at Bob, setting your book on the windowsill and bracing yourself on the armrests of your chair. He quickly got up and helped you up, blanket falling aside to reveal your protruding belly.
The first two trimesters had passed uneventfully. Your healing factor had made sure of that. The third trimester was different-you were starting to feel uncomfortable. Baby Barnes was not afraid of taking up space, stretching and shifting your spine and pelvis. The doctor suspected that the baby was measuring ahead in it's growth due to the serum it had inherited. But it was only an assumption, of which you could put little faith in as Bucky had assumed he was sterile from everything Hydra had done to him. It hadn't stopped you from using protection but obviously something had fallen through the cracks.
You hummed and squeezed Bob's shoulder in thanks before making your way down the steps to the sitting area. Bucky saw you coming and smiled furtively, reaching out to you as you sat next to him and put a supportive hand on his leg.
"Weren't you going to talk to him?" Yelena asked.
"I already did."
"And?"
"It went poorly," he said tiredly, eyes closing. You muttered a small sorry and started drawing slow circles with your thumb to comfort him.
"Did you know he filed for copyright of the name?"
Now his eyes opened.
"Did he?" He asked, half disappointed, half incredulous.
You moved your hand to his back and turned to face him as much as you could with your bump. Ignoring the chatter, you talk lowly into Bucky's ear.
"I'm sure there are more conversations to be had and you guys can settle-"
"What the hell are you wearing?" Bucky interrupted with his arm outstretched towards a very branded Alexei.
You could only smile and huff amusedly as the large soviet man in a brightly colored jumpsuit pitched "Avengers with a Z."
7 months ago you might've yelled alongside everyone else but ever since finding out you were having a child, you were feeling more centered. Maybe it was the impending due date, the crushing reality of it all, or the need for one of the two of you to not be freaking out, but either way you've been surprisingly calm and matter of fact about the whole thing.
It was... unexpected. A phase of life Bucky had stopped considering for himself a long time ago. And the timing of the new team, the New Avengers, hadn't been great either. He was just getting used to the idea of being in Steve's old shoes when you had found out you were pregnant. Now he was pouring himself into everything- the team, missions, PR, preparations for the baby. He was there, physically.
But having to make so many adjustments at one time was burning him out- hard.
It's not that Bucky wasn't happy about it. After the initial reaction, he was overall excited. He certainly loved you and would love your child too. You had no doubts he would be a great father. That much was evident. And you would relish the small moments-like when he laid a hand on your bump and talked to the baby when he thought you were asleep one night.
You just wished those moments would be more than just that- moments.
"Don't think I don't see you hiding in the corner!" Alexei shouted at Bob, snapping you back into the conversation. You looked over at Bob who had settled back into his book. He just shrugged at you, making you chuckle.
" -And I got you one!" Alexei exclaimed excitedly, turning towards you.
"Maternity size, special for you!" His hands were up and his wide smile beaming at you. You just smiled and nodded your head in thanks as Bucky ran his hands tiredly over his face.
"I'm sorry- how're you feeling today?" He asked, turning fully towards you and resting a hand on your back as you ignored the gut feeling you had while hearing Yelena saying something about a space problem in the background.
"I'm fine, honey. You look tired." You pointed out, turning the attention back on him. You cupped his face and ran your thumb through his scruff.
He grabbed your hand and leaned into it, closing his eyes and breathing you in before planting a gentle kiss into your palm. He didn't get to respond before the beeping started. Both of you got up and he moved to sit next to Yelena while you moved around back to stretch your legs and get a better look at the tablet that she was holding.
"You should get a satellite image." Bucky said gently to Yelena, his newfound mentoring side coming out. You rubbed his shoulders a little before he touched your hand and mouthed a thank you before turning his attention back to Yelena.
"And fire up-"
"And fire up the jets! I was just about to say that! ... Fire up the jets." She said into the tablet.
You held back a laugh and smiled fondly at her. She was shaping up to be a good leader. You didn't think much farther on it as Alexei's shouting at Bob broke your train of thought.
"I can't be the sentry without the other... side." He said defensively before sheepishly saying "I did the dishes though!"
You made eye contact and gave him a smile and a thumbs up which made Bob beam.
"Satellite image populating. Extra dimensional ship entering atmosphere."
Everyone got up to get a closer look at the projected screen. The ship slowly turned and you saw the number 4 painted on the side of the ship. Anxious with more questions than answers, you clutch Bucky's arm. Your wedding ring clinked against the black vibranium, barely audible, but extremely heavy on you all of a sudden.
"Alright everybody, let's go." Yelena said, starting the jog towards the door. Everyone followed except for Bucky, who you had held back with both hands.
"Just one second," you half pleaded, eyes flashing towards the door where Ava had paused. She gave you a quick nod before turning the corner. An understanding that you could have your moment, but the longer you took, the more consequences there may be.
"Maybe after all of this... you take a break. For the baby." You added the last part, though you know it was mostly for you. This is the first big incident since the life inside you had formed and it was only time before your iron facade started breaking away. You couldn't raise this baby alone. You just couldn't.
Bucky turned to face you completely, hand now out of your grasp as he gives your arms a squeeze.
"I'll be back as soon as I can. And then we can talk about it." He affirmed, searching your eyes for approval.
Few understood Bucky as well as you did. A man who made amends so that the guilt wouldn't eat him alive.
"The amends are starting to eat him alive too," you thought grimly before he put his hand on the side of your stomach. A moment passed before you felt a kick.
For the first time today he gave a genuine smile, albeit still twinged with fatigue, as he stared lovingly at your soon-to-be. He hoped to every higher being that they looked like you, so that he had more of you in this universe to love.
You bit your lip before taking hold of his hand again. You could hardly deny him. Him making amends allowed him to be here at all, you supposed. You'd rather have some of him than none. You recognizing that is the only reason this had worked for as long as it did. At all, really.
"Just... Come back safe... is all I'm asking." You say with a weak smile, hands coming back to rest on your stomach.
He sighed in relief before kissing your forehead.
"I will."
He walked briskly away a few steps before coming to a stop and running back, kissing you full on. Your heart fluttered as he held you steady, eyes open in surprise before closing in comfort. Pulling back, he rested his forehead on yours.
"Just until Yelena's ready. Then I'm all yours. I promise."
You take that in for a moment before nodding towards the door.
"Go. I love you."
"I love you too," he said, before giving you one more squeeze, running out the door to the hangar. You hug yourself and then your bump before letting out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding.
All you could do was hope that Yelena would be ready sooner rather than later. And that he'd come home, at all, after this.
here are my favorite oneshots and twoshots that I reread time and time again. I truly don't know what I would do without the amazing writers that exist on this platform. thank you to all the writers out there that takes the time to write such master pieces that allow us to escape reality one fic at a time.
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@wkemeup
Graveyard // Sacrifice
Feel Again (doctor!bucky)
Back to Bourbon Street
Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam's who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he's not the only one looking for a fresh start.
Series tags/warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Canon Level Violence
Read Part 2
---
After everything that happened with the Flag Smashers and the GRC, Bucky thought that laying low with Sam in Louisiana was a good idea. He had been looking for a fresh start anyway. Between losing Steve and making his last amends, New York as of late had only been full of sad memories and regrets. Louisiana was so different- slower paced and fresh, no negative feelings. No feelings at all, actually. Sam was more than understanding, letting him stay with them until he found a semi-permanent place here.
Currently, Bucky was staring out the window, watching the breeze make little waves in the grass as he ate his sandwich. Sarah and the kids had gone out to the boat, making the house feel virtually abandoned. There was too much space and not enough people. For just himself, it was only a reminder that he would continue to stay as he always had- alone.
Sam walked into the kitchen where Bucky was, effectively breaking his train of thought. He raised an eyebrow at Sam’s mischievous smile- or maybe it was a regular one. He always looked like he was up to something, at least to Bucky.
“Great news,” Sam started. “I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. She’s moving down here for some work and is looking for someone to live on the property with her.”
“She?” Bucky questioned.
“Listen, I know what you’re thinking but before you say anything else, let me explain. So she already bought the house, it’s less than 10 minutes from here so you can still see us whenever you want. The property’s a couple acres so it’s got tons of space. It comes with an apartment over the shed, so you don’t have to share walls. She keeps to herself so she won’t bother you,” Sam said, counting the pros on his fingers as he talked.
“And the best part is: you don’t need to pay rent. I explained the situation, with you being a hero to the world and all, and she said as long as you can help her out with the heavy-duty stuff like taking care of the property and the occasional repair, you don’t have to worry about it.”
Bucky eyed the couch that had been his home for the past several weeks. Don’t get him wrong- being here with the boys was fun. Unfortunately though, he was still in a place in his life where he needed time to think, heal and meditate. The nightmares, although less frequent, were still occurring. Sam was always supportive, but Bucky didn’t want to keep putting him out. Sam noticed the hesitation and spoke.
“You don’t have to decide right now, but she’s moving here in a few days and could at least use some help. She said we could go look at the property now- no pressure though. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want.”
Bucky paused a moment before nodding.
“Okay, let’s go.”
---
Sam turned into a dirt driveway lined with low hanging trees on one side and a field on the other. Bucky wouldn’t have even noticed it if not for the mailbox on the street.
“See, well this is perfect for you, it’s back in the cut.” Sam said.
Bucky could understand from context clues that that meant secluded. Probably.
It took a few seconds down the driveway before the trees on the left cleared and the water was visible. On the other side, there was a light green house with white trim. With the typical Southern architecture and porch, it was the picture perfect place to live. No neighbors- just trees and water.
Sam whistled as they pulled up at the end of the driveway by the house. Now that they were closer, Bucky could see the large garage on the opposite side of the driveway. It almost looked like another house but much smaller, and with a small dock in the water. The bottom floor of the garage had two large doors that opened upwards, and one regular doorway. The top floor had several windows with curtains in them, shrouding the inside. Getting out of the car, Bucky walked around the car to where Sam was opening the door to the garage.
Going in to inspect the garage, Bucky blinked to adjust to the dim light. He looked around to find several yard tools, some cans of paint on shelves, and a riding mower. On the back wall was a door. Hearing a rustle, he turned to find Sam feeling up on the highest shelf.
“Found it!” He said triumphantly, holding the key to the apartment up.
Walking over to the door on the back wall, Sam unlocked it and pulled it open. Bucky poked his head through the doorway and looked up to the staircase at his left. He turned to meet Sam’s eye, who shrugged before gesturing to Bucky to take the lead. It led up to the top floor of the garage, which was fitted with an apartment that turned out to be nicer than he thought.
It was simple but in good condition. Dark hardwood floor, white trim, pale steel blue walls. Where they had walked up was the living room. Directly across from it was a kitchen area with a veranda to walk out on. The open space then shrunk to a hallway to the left. The bathroom being the first door and a bedroom at the end of the hall. Overall, plenty of space for one person.
“I don’t know about you Buck, but this place seems perfect.” Sam said as he opened the glass sliding door to the veranda. It overlooked the undisturbed landscape, hidden from the nearby town.
“It does.” Bucky responded simply.
He took a moment to walk out onto the veranda with Sam and view the birds wading through the water.
“Well good,” Sam said with a chuckle. “This way, you can stop hitting on my sister.”
Bucky laughed and punched him in the arm. Sam feigned physical and emotional injury.
“Haha, Very funny.”
Sarah was a nice gal, but focused on her life at the moment. Sure, there had been a few sparks, but ultimately she had made it clear that her priority at the moment was her boys and her business. Bucky had been a good sport about it. It just felt good to be back in the game without it feeling forced.
Sam watched as Bucky stared out at the water before switching to a serious note.
“So… You feel like you’re ready?”
Bucky slowly nodded.
“Yeah. This is it.”
Sam smiled wide as he handed the key over and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Welcome home.”
---
Bucky had very few belongings from New York that came with him. A small wooden table with chairs. A few books. A bed, a couch, a TV. There wasn’t really a whole lot that couldn’t be replaced if needed. He had been able to take the trip to and from in a few days, already moving his belongings into the apartment. The only big thing he had done was bring Steve’s old Harley out of storage. He probably should get a car at some point since it wasn’t the city anymore but he’d figure it out.
After saying goodbye to Sarah and the kids, Bucky opened the door to Sam's truck.
“Promise you’ll visit?” shouted one of the boys before clinging to him.
Bucky smiled and patted the kid on the back.
“Of course, I will.” He said, looking at the other boy before gesturing for him to join the hug.
“Uncle Buck’s not going anywhere boys,” Sam promised across the center console from the driver’s side.
Both boys eventually peeled off of Bucky’s side. He got in the truck and rolled down the window.
“Be good for your mom okay?” He said to the boys as he waved and nodded at Sarah, who smiled back as the truck started.
“Okay, bye!” They shouted until Bucky could no longer see them in side view mirror.
He really would miss those kids.
They drove in comfortable silence until they pulled up to the house where a light blue sedan was parked next to a storage pod that had been delivered. After parking by it, they exited the truck as you were stepping out of your car.
“Sam!” You exclaimed cheerfully, as you went in for a hug. He lifted you slightly off the ground and you laughed, smiling wide. Bucky stood to the side and observed the interaction, giving you a once-over. You were dressed appropriately for the work you were about to do- light-wash high-water jeans, a white t-shirt with a chest pocket, canvas shoes, and hair up in a slightly messy bun with a few gold bobby pins thrown in to hold back any loose wisps of hair.
After Sam set you down, he turned to Bucky and introduced you.
“… and we met during a charity event that Tony hosted. She offered her services free of charge to help us raise money for the VA.”
You held a hand out to Bucky.
“It’s very nice to meet you! Thanks so much for helping me move in, I really appreciate it.”
Bucky smiled lightly and nodded as he shook your hand.
“Nice to meet you too.”
You smiled and took back your hand before looking at the house.
“Shall we?” You inquired, gesturing towards the storage pod.
“Of course,” Sam replied, opening the door to the pod. As Bucky looked inside, he noted that it was mostly just boxes. The noticeable items were the same as his: the bare minimum- besides a fancy electric piano.
“How’re you gonna fill up this house with a few pieces of furniture?” Sam joked.
“Hey, it’s better than having too much stuff! Besides, don’t guys always say that women have too much stuff?” You quip back as you reach for one of the larger boxes in the pod.
“Ah-ah-ah, no you don’t,” Sam said as he intercepted you and picked up the box.
“Oh, c’mon Sam. I’ll feel bad if I make you guys do all the heavy stuff.”
“You’re not making us do anything. Besides, I’ll be fine, and the old man could use some exercise,” he said, nodding towards Bucky.
You smiled timidly at Bucky.
“I have a bad shoulder.” You explained while gripping the top of your right arm.
“I get what that feels like,” he sympathized, nodding to his metal arm.
“Ah, yes, I’m sorry, it’s not nearly as bad-”
Bucky cut you off.
“Don’t be sorry. If it’s hurting you, don’t worry about it. We can handle it.” He said gently, pausing for a moment before continuing.
“Or at least I can.”
Sam tilted his head back and feigned hurt feelings while you picked up a lamp base and shook it lightly at him.
“Does this meet your approval, Mr. Wilson?” You asked teasingly.
“Why yes, yes it does. Now come on.”
He walked into the house, you right on his heels. Bucky eyed the two of you together for a moment before picking up a few boxes himself.
---
A few hours later, he was sitting on the worn leather couch next to Sam while you went to get them some drinks in the kitchen. You appeared under the white trimmed archway into the living area holding three glasses.
“One sweet tea for the guest, one lemonade for my new neighbor, and a half and half for the gracious host.” You said, holding up your glass after handing the others out.
You three clinked glasses and you sunk into a sage green armchair with dark wood.
“So… how does this work?” Bucky asked, taking a sip of his drink.
“Mmm, yes.” You said, swallowing the sip you had taken.
“Uhm, basically whenever you’re not off saving the world with Captain America,” You started, smiling with pride at Sam. “If you could just make sure the grass doesn’t get too long and help me with some of the more physically demanding repairs and jobs around the house, that’d be great. Of course, that only applies if you’re here, and even then, as long as it’s not urgent, you can take your time getting around to it. Other than that, you’re free to do as you please.”
“That’s very generous of you.” He remarked.
“Well, don’t say that yet,” you said while laughing. “The property is huge so it might be more of a challenge than you think. But like I said, there’s no need to rush to anything. Besides, I should be thanking you. You’ve done a lot for the world.”
Sam interjected before Bucky could respond, which was okay because he still wasn’t used to accepting thanks instead of apologizing.
“Where’s my thank you for saving the world?”
You rolled your eyes and sarcastically rattled off a thank you. Bucky cleared his throat after a moment.
“Anything you want me to start working on?”
“Oh, please get settled in first. I have some furniture getting delivered that I might need help assembling in a few days but otherwise, there’s nothing else. If you have any expenses like paint or tools, you can just use this card and let me know.” You said, handing over a credit card.
“We should also exchange phone numbers too. What’s yours?”
Bucky stalled a moment before rattling off the numbers. It was a foreign feeling- giving out his phone number. He was most definitely having PTSD from his therapist chucking his phone at him. He watched as you typed away on your phone. Feeling his phone ping, Bucky looked at it and saw a message from an unregistered number.
“Hi, It’s me :)”
“That’s my number. Obviously.”
Bucky nodded his head in thanks while registering your number. It had been a while since he had added anyone’s number. You and Sam started talking about something else while Bucky exited back to the main list of contacts. There, your name was italicized and highlighted at the top. What a strange feeling.
…
Later that night, Bucky was relaxing, enjoying the peace. It was warm for autumn, and the water was reflecting the moonlight. He couldn’t sleep. Not that that was surprising. He walked out of the apartment down to the small dock to sip on a beer and celebrate his newfound independence. Sitting on the edge where his feet barely touched the water, he leaned back onto his hands and took a deep breath in.
That’s when he heard it.
Just barely, with his enhanced hearing, he could hear your crying. It was like you were wailing in pain. Not a sharp new pain, but an intense never ending one. The kind that you hear from an animal that’s been maimed- the kind you put out of their misery. Whatever you were holding in, it had been building up for an impossibly long time and finally, exhausted, you found a chance to let it out. Being able to hear it felt like a dirty invasion of privacy.
Bucky swallowed and took another deep breath before trying to focus on the sound of the wildlife around him. But it was no use. Here you were. Here he was.
Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam’s who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he’s not the only one looking for a fresh start.
Series tags/warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Canon Level Violence, PTSD, Mentions of sex, Sexual Content
Part 12 Word Count: 5k
A/N: Forgive me for my absence! I haven't forgotten about you all! I just went through some major life changes, but I'm here and determined to finish this story!
Once again, thank you all for your support! Every heart and comment motivates me and is just so wonderful.
The name that followed was not Irina Novikov, but your real name. The name you were given by your mother. The name that followed you through Julliard. The same name that Bucky so loving whispered, and Nick had angrily shouted before he altered your life permanently.
It echoed around the auditorium, getting louder and overlapping until it was just overwhelming noise.
You shot up out of bed with a start. The thin layer of sweat gave you a chill as it clung your shirt to your back. Counting your deep breaths, you tried to self-soothe as you glanced over at Bucky’s empty side of the bed. After sitting with your knees to your chest for a few minutes, you got up and slipped on a sweater, gently padding over to the door.
“Bucky?” You called out tentatively. The door creaked as you opened it, the early morning light slanting into the hallway. It was too early for there to be any warmth in it, just grey. You shivered and made your way into the kitchen, spying a cup of half drunken coffee forming a ring of liquid on the magazine underneath. It was still warm as you picked it up and took a sip. Completely black with a splash of mocha syrup- the way Bucky liked it. You held the mug close to you with both hands, soaking in the warmth. Your gaze settled on the magazine it was sitting on.
“Two days. It took them two days.” You said anxiously as you tossed the periodicals onto the kitchen island. Bucky picked them up one at a time.
‘Star Pianist Resurfaces’ one read. Another read your name in big bold letters followed by the subtitle ‘Found at Louisiana Symphony Orchestra’.
“Classic FM even did an article on their website.” You said, biting the corner of your lip out of worry. “It was already enough that Arthur was using my old nickname. I thought I was safe and unrecognizable here. But using my real name? That connected all the puzzle pieces everyone needed to find out who I am. Which means that Nick is going to find me.”
Your voice got quiet in an attempt not to cry.
“I’m sorry. You can obviously protect me. It’s just… just the anxiety of always having to look over my shoulder, like I can’t go anywhere by myself. Even just the thought of him…”
Bucky tossed the magazines back on the table and leaned forward to envelope you in a soothing embrace.
“I know. I’m going to make sure nothing happens to you, okay?”
You blinked back tears as you leaned your forehead against his chest, comforted by the warmth.
“Okay.”
You swiped the magazine off of the counter and into the trash.
The sound of the front door opening led you to peek around the corner. Bucky came into the house, followed by Sam. They noticed you walking towards them as they shed their coats and gloves.
“Hey, look who finally woke up!” Sam joked. You squinted at the clock before rolling your eyes.
“God forbid that I actually sleep past 7 AM,” You replied sarcastically. Alpine meowed in agreement as he slinked his body around your leg. Bending down to scratch the cat’s head, you met eyes with Bucky, who was sitting on the steps to untie his boots.. You could see in his expression that he was wondering how you were, raising his eyebrows a tad in question. You just smiled tiredly in response, feeling the fatigue in your eyes. The quirk in Bucky’s mouth told you he understood.
“We finished installing the security system.” He said as you both stood up. Sam took a white tablet out of his bag and walked over to show you the system.
“Here you can see the two different views of the driveway. We put one at the mailbox and one closer to the house. And if you press this here, you can switch to the camera that we put on the porch.” Pressing the button, you could see the curtains in the window of the front door, as well as the swing bench that you had fallen asleep on so long ago.
“It will also chime if it sees any vehicles or movement, so you don’t have to worry about anyone sneaking up on you.”
“Thanks, Sam.” You said as you set the tablet down on the kitchen counter and gave him a hug. He hugged you back, rubbing a hand on your upper back.
“Don’t worry about it. We’re gonna keep you safe.”
You smiled for the sake of giving him a response but he could see in your eyes that you were doubtful. Still, he said nothing as he let go of you and said goodbye to Bucky. You sat at the piano bench and stared out of the window as you watched him drive away and the chimes that indicated so. Bucky sat on the bench next to you and said nothing, allowing you to rest your head against his shoulder.
After a few silent moments, you took a deep breath and sat up to play the starting notes to a somber song. Bucky recognized it as one of the songs you had played for Dev’s musical score- Gnossiene No. 5. He listened to you play for a minute before your hands slowed and drifted off of the piano into your lap, the silence louder than the music had been.
“Do you know why I chose the name Irina Novikov?” You asked wistfully, looking down at your hands. He shook his head and let you continue.
“Novikov roughly translates to new. More specifically newcomer. And the name Irina… means peace. It was surreal, hearing my real name while I was on stage. Like something snapping. I thought that for one second, I could will more peace into my life. Start over and pretend like nothing ever happened. But now I realize, sometimes, to get peace, you need to fight for it. Isn’t that why you fight?”
Bucky didn’t need to imagine how that felt. There had been a time where he thought he could avoid sitting alone with his thoughts by going headfirst into every battle. But he hadn’t been able to sustain that. Hence, the court-mandated therapy. He could practically hear Dr. Raynor now.
“Sometimes the only way forward is straight through,” she had said in lieu of chucking her pen at his face after a particularly rough session. It was also followed by a string of obscenities that Bucky wasn’t familiar with at the time but it ended up for the better- It was the same session that the idea of making amends had been born.
She was right when she said that he didn’t want peace, the kind that came from pretending. He wanted true peace, the kind that you work for, you fight for.
Letting out an audible breath, he rested a hand on your leg.
“You were being optimistic. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re the kind of person that spreads niceness and it’s amazing to watch. But you’re also a fighter. You started this road all by yourself. So, yeah, you couldn’t sweep this one under the rug. But we can get through this together, because you’re not by yourself anymore.”
Your lips pursed in an effort to hold back tears before turning upwards slightly into a grateful, emotional smile. You took a deep breath in and pressed your face against his arm, letting his sleeve soak up any tears that were threatening to spill over. After a few sniffles, you turned your head so that you were once again facing the piano, still leaning against him- a whisper of thanks from you prompting Bucky to place a loving kiss against your temple. You hummed in appreciation and closed your eyes. You allowed yourself to enjoy a few moments before facing the day once more.
“Tonight’s performance is sold out,” you sighed, the words not matching your wistfully disappointed tone.
“What a tragedy.” Bucky said playfully as you rolled your eyes.
“No, seriously! I don’t know how I’m going to do this.” You pushed him lightly with your arm. Amused, he nudged you back before comforting you.
“Hey, I’ll be right next to you on stage, just behind the curtain.”
---
It was already extremely crowded as Bucky drove you past the front entrance where people were already lined up. You took in an involuntary deep breath. Tethering you was Bucky, his hand coming to rest on your knee. Making eye contact, he nodded firmly but reassuringly. You nodded as if to convince yourself as well.
An ambush was lying in wait at the back entrance as well. Paparazzi lined up all to try and get the best shot. Arthur was trying his best to shoo them away but there was only so much the old man could do. Bucky parked the car a little ways away from the crowd and looked at you.
“Do you want me to get rid of them?”
“I don’t think you could if you tried. These guys are total jerks.” You sighed before continuing. “Make a mad dash for it?”
“Yeah, let me come around and open the door for you and we can head in together.”
He got out of the car and jogged around to your side, the sounds of car door alerting the crowd. They started coming towards you with flashing cameras, shouting questions that all seemed to blend together.
“Why have you been missing for so long?”
“Have you been here this whole time?”
“What’s your relationship with The Winter Soldier?”
Bucky glared at that last one as he put an arm around your waist and guided you past them into the building, Arthur following and locking the door behind him.
“Just like a pack of wolves!” Arthur exclaimed as he took out a handkerchief to dab at the sweat on his face.
“Thanks for trying to fend them off.” You said with a small smile.
“I must tell you, I am very sorry about last week. I did not mean to oust you, but this old brain twisted my tongue and I said the name that I know you best as. I’m so sorry, my dear.”
“Oh, Arthur. I know it was a mistake. I’m sorry for being so upset, I know you didn’t mean it.” You replied, giving him a hug. When you pulled away, he grabbed your hand and patted it before sighing.
“There’s a crowd here.” He said in warning. “I’d be ready for quite the show. Let me check on the rest of the orchestra.”
You looked up at Bucky with dread in your eyes as he rubbed your back soothingly.
“Let get you to the dressing room.”
---
You had gone through the motions of getting ready, picking the first dress off of the rack and putting your hair up in a traditional bun. Your eyes were focused in the distance as you sat on the couch in your dressing room, picking at your nails to distract yourself from the fact that you would be on stage soon.
The knock at the door broke you out of your dissociative state.
“It’s a full house out there.” Bucky said with a grim expression, back from scoping out the stage.
“Yay.” You said weakly, going back to focusing on the wall.
Bucky looked into the hallway, held up a finger, and closed the door behind him. He sat down next to you, leaning over to give you a kiss on your shoulder.
“You gonna be okay?”
You let out a small laugh and sunk back into the couch.
“I guess I have to be, right?”
Bucky took your hand and gently tilted your chin so that he could look at you in your eyes.
“No. You don’t have to be.”
At that, a noise caught in your throat and you put your face in your hands. You were starting to breathe heavily, a wheeze accompanying each breath as it got bigger and bigger.
You were hyperventilating.
“Hey, hey, hey.” Bucky soothed, guiding you so that your leaned even further forward, head practically in your lap in an attempt to calm you.
“Sam!” Bucky shouted in the direction of the door.
The door opened hesitantly and Sam peaked his head in.
“Everything alright in he- woah.”
He came into the room completely and shut the door behind him. Coming to sit beside you, he gently put his hand on your back and rubbed in slow circles.
“Breathe in for four, hold for four, and out for four.”
Following his advice, it was a full minute or two before you seemed to get it under control.
“There, see? You got it.” Sam said encouragingly.
You didn’t answer immediately. Another few moments passed before you mumbled something into your lap.
“Hmm?” Sam questioned.
“I can’t do this.” You gasped, sitting up quickly.
“Hey. Yes, you can... You can.” Sam reaffirmed as you opened your mouth to rebuff him, the raise of his eyebrows silencing it in your throat.
“You totally can. If you didn’t want to then that’s a different story. If that was the case then screw it. But I know that you want to do this because you care about these people. You care about the people you perform with and you love your job. You’ve dedicated yourself to this. You’ve performed in front of much bigger crowds and much more intense people. You’ve got this. Just go out on stage, put on one hell of a show, and then get on outta there. We’ll be with you on the sidelines through the whole thing.”
You’re breathing slowed throughout Sam’s pep talk, nodding in agreeance with each point he made as if to convince yourself.
“Give them a show and then get outta there.” You repeated to yourself.
“That’s right.” Sam affirmed with a chuckle.
Another knock at the door. You felt like everyone under the sun wanted to speak to you.
“Ms. Novikov? It’s time.” The attendant shouted through the door.
You swallowed thickly before blinking rapidly to refocus yourself.
“Okay... I got this... I got this.” You repeated as you stood up and faced the boys. They looked at each other with raised eyebrows and slight concern.
“Can you wait outside the door for me?”
---
“What is taking her so long? We’re running twenty minutes behind!” The stagehand said as he gestured in distress with his clipboard.
“Just give her a little more time. She’s just getting ready.” Sam said as he held up his hands to calm him. The stagehand half groaned and half shouted in frustration, throwing his hands up in the air as he turned and walked away from the dressing room.
“Do you think she’s having a mental breakdown?” Bucky asked as he leaned against the wall opposite of the door.
“It’s possible... But I really think if we give her five more minutes, she’ll come out on her own.”
Both men took a deep breath and leaned against the wall to wait, willing to defend you against anybody there to rush you or otherwise.
---
You stood in front of the mirror gripping the edges of the vanity. When your breathing started accelerating, you closed your eyes and counted to four until it went away.
“Give them a show... Give them a show. Give them... a show...” You trailed off as you looked in the mirror, the rack full of dresses behind you catching your eye. You whipped around and walked over, grabbing the dark green one that grabbed your attention. You had been so stressed about the concert that you told Selina to just provide a rack of your old dresses that she had been mending/ tweaking. This green one was the one you had worn to your first big concert with the New York Symphony. The volume of the tulle reminded you of the waves of an exotic sea, a deep green with a hint of blue. On the skirt of the dress and adorning the neckline were large open flowers, the blush pink and wine-red floating like lily pads on the sea of soft waves.
You hugged the dress before taking it off of the rack and sliding the one you were wearing off. You pulled the dress on and took a look in the mirror. Frowning at your reflection, you took the bun out and mussed your hair out, letting it flow freely. Much more satisfied, you turned your face to inspect your makeup, ignoring the commotion outside of your door. Opening the drawer to the vanity, you rustled through it until you found the tube of lipstick that matched the wine-red flowers on your dress. You swiped it on, rubbing your lips together and popping them with finality. You looked perfect.
With newfound confidence, you made your way to the door and whipped it open, startling Sam and Bucky from their relaxed posture against the wall.
“It’s showtime.” You said with a nod, pulling the skirt of your dress up to briskly walk towards the stage, leaving the men in your dust.
“Okay, it might’ve been a mental breakdown... But we can work with that.” Sam said, as he recovered and jogged down the hall to catch up with you.
Bucky shook his head to refocus himself and started down the hall. When he caught up with you backstage, he overheard Arthur asking if you were sure about something.
“I’m sure. What’s the point in using a fake name now? Just use my name. My real name.” You confirmed with a reassuring smile. Arthur patted your hand and went on stage, gaining the attention and cheers from the crowd. Bucky half-whispered as Arthur started speaking into the mic.
“You alright?”
You grabbed his hand and squeezed, giving him a nervous smile.
“Yeah. I’m alright. Thank you.” You said as you got up on your tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek, lipstick smudging onto his cheek.
He chuckled and hugged you, resting his cheek against the top of your head.
“Good. I’m right here if you need me.” He reassured. You swallowed and nodded as you pulled away, hearing Arthur transition into introducing you.
“And finally, we introduce the star of the show, our Reigning Queen of Russian Classics...”
Your name was called and you were thankful that your legs took you out onto the stage when your brain was malfunctioning from the crowd cheering. Looking out into the crowd, you saw every seat filled, many of them standing and applauding you. With wide eyes, you froze, even your breath stopping. Panicked, you turned toward Bucky.
At that point, time seemed to slow. The roar of the crowd faded away as you looked into the face of the man you loved, the wide lopsided smile that you loved so much accompanying his applause. Even when you weren’t looking, he was there. Supporting you with every fiber of his being. You started with a huge breath inwards and held your head high towards the crowd, bowing deeply and smiling as you acknowledged them.
---
Bucky stood once again to applaud your performance as you took your final bow. You had performed fantastically in spite of the pressure from the deafening crowd. Walking off-stage, you practically leapt into Bucky’s outstretched arms.
“You did it.” He said softly.
“I did it.” You replied.
You enjoyed his embrace for a moment, wishing you could stay like that forever. Reluctantly pulling back, you grabbed his hand and gave a quick goodbye to the orchestra before making your way back to the dressing room. The faster you got out of there, the better. Sam had left as soon as the last note was played, going to restrict the back entrance area and ensure a safe exit.
“Okay, I just have to hang the dress back up and grab my bag, would you stand guard for a minute?” You asked as you opened the door to the dressing room.
“Of course.” Bucky said, giving you a big smile. He was immensely proud of you, and he hoped that you knew that. You gave him a big grin back before disappearing quickly. Bucky settled against the wall and checked his phone.
Sam: All clear 👍
It was then that Bucky felt a gaze on him. When he looked down the hall, he thought he saw a shadow disappear against the wall. Now cautious, he slowly made his way down the hallway, getting closer to the corner that had displayed the shadow.
“Hello?” He called out. He glanced around the corner and saw no one. Before he could investigate further, the door to your dressing room opened.
“Ready Buck?” You called down the hall once you saw him.
“Yeah, I’m coming.” He shouted as he jogged back down to you.
“Everything okay?” You asked as he protectively put his arm around your upper back, guiding you out.
“Yeah. Let’s get you home.” He chuckled. It didn’t stop him from turning once more, only to peer at the empty end of the hallway. It was probably a lost fan or a shyer stagehand. Still, the reasoning did little to ease Bucky’s feeling in his gut.
---
After thanking Sam for the escort, you and Bucky went inside your now shared home. You kicked off your shoes next to one of the few boxes that Bucky brought his things over in before heading over to the kitchen and pouring yourself a glass of water.
“I can’t believe I survived that.” You laughed, reaching for another glass as Bucky padded towards you.
“You did such a great job.” Bucky affirmed, accepting the glass of water and giving you a warm kiss. You smiled against his mouth and pulled back. You hummed contently as you looked at him adoringly, hopping up to sit on the counter. You swung your legs lightly as you looked down at your glass.
“Only thanks to you... and Sam. I was one good freakout away from running out of the building. Are you sure you want to shack up with ‘crazy’?” You asked with a small laugh, bringing the glass up to your lips.
“One, I basically already lived with you. Two, I know crazy. You’re not crazy.” He teased you by tapping the tip of your nose when he said ‘crazy”.
“Three, I love you. Of course, I want to be here with you... and Alpine.” He added as the cat brushed up against his leg as if to remind him that she still existed.
You laughed and grabbed the lapel of his suit to pull him in closer.
“I love you too.” You replied dreamily before capturing his lips in yours. He brought his hands up onto the counter to hold your hips as he deepened the kiss. One groan from you and he picked you up, earning a surprised squeak from you as you hung onto him. You pulled away for a second just to laugh as he carried you to the bedroom. His and your bedroom.
---
Bucky came out of the bathroom towel-drying his hair, dressed in the blue sweatshirt and light grey sweatpants you had gotten him. He did have to admit, the relaxed clothes were comfier than his usual tight jeans and t-shirt. Though you had made it clear that you weren’t complaining about how he looked in those either. Coming towards the bed where you both had just been, he saw that you had fallen asleep. One bout of Bucky and a muscle relaxer later, you were knocked out.
Freshly showered, he sat in the armchair and watched your chest fall with each deep breath. You hadn’t slept this well in at least a week and it put him at ease to see you truly resting. As he watched you contently, he noticed that your phone was off and still in your hand. He chuckled as he put the towel around his neck, getting up to plug your phone in.
As he was doing so, a loud chime startled him. He silenced it before looking at your sleeping form. No movement. Sighing in relief, he looked at what the notification was as it pinged on his phone too.
Vehicle detected in driveway.
His sigh of relief had been in vain. Opening up the app, he saw an older dark car with its lights off slowly making its way towards the house. He looked at your peaceful figure and resolved to handle it on his own. Quickly, he left the room, softly closing the door behind him. Making his way to the kitchen, he grabbed a gun out of one of his boxes, slipped some shoes on, and crept out of the sliding glass door to go around to the front.
The gravel crunched as the car came to a stop far enough up the driveway that you couldn’t see it from the house. The sound of the door opening and closing made Bucky quicken his pace. He stalked towards the car, being careful not to trigger the floodlights. The man who got out of the car was looking towards the house, writing notes occasionally in a small book. Then as he put the book away, he took out his phone to take a picture of the house. That’s when Bucky pinned the man to the ground, flipping him over and triggering the floodlights.
The man let out a frightened yell, shielding his face with his hands. He looked familiar. Confused, Bucky pushed the man’s hands aside and got a better look.
It was Phillip. From New York. The one that had spilled coffee on you.
Eyes narrowing, Bucky grabbed the collar of his shirt and lifted him up.
“What’re you doing here?”
Still stunned, Bucky had to yell the question again before he spoke.
“I’m... I’m just a big fan.”
“Yeah, right. And I’m sure you were up in New York to see your “daughter”. Bucky said sarcastically as he patted him down. Phillip protested as Bucky found a gun and tossed it to the side. Then he found his wallet. Phillip tried to grab his wallet but Bucky got up and pinned him to the ground with his leg.
“Let’s see... Cash. License. Phillip Reckert... What’s this?” Bucky asked as he pulled out a stack of business cards.
Phillip Reckert, P.I.
“You’re a private investigator.” Bucky said in disbelief as he tossed the man’s wallet onto his chest. “Who sent you?”
The man’s silence prompted Bucky to draw his weapon, pointing it at the man on the ground.
“Woah, don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!
“I’m not gonna ask again.”
“Her ex, okay!? Her ex. Don’t kill me. Guy’s name is Nick.” He sputtered, holding his hands up.
Bucky froze at the sound of the name. Nick hired a private investigator to find you.
This was bad.
“How much does he know?” Bucky asked quickly, still pointing the gun at the man’s face.
“He knows I found her in New York, but he doesn’t know I came to Louisiana because he didn’t pick up the phone before the flight.”
Bucky clicked the safety off.
“I swear! I swear to God! He doesn’t know. Don’t kill me, I won’t tell him. Please!” The investigator begged.
Bucky thought of his options. Scum like this guy hardly follows through. There’s a high chance that if he lets him leave, then Nick will know where you are and come for you. Everything you’ve built here, that you’ve built together, would be scrapped. There was only one way for you to be completely safe here. Bucky’s hand shook until he was sure of what he should do.
His hand was perfectly still as he emptied all of the rounds he had.
---
Your consciousness was hazy as you felt the bed dip on one side and warm arms hug you from behind. You hummed happily as you reached back to scratch Bucky’s beard.
“Everything alright, honey?” You asked as you opened one eye to look at your alarm clock. 3AM.
“Everything’s fine, just wanted to finish what I was reading.” He said as he kissed the back of your head.
“Okay, I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t have a nightmare.” You said as you turned to face him. Giving him a gentle kiss, you dozed off in his arms. But Bucky was wide awake. His nightmare was only beginning.
---
Smoke drifted from the barrel of the gun as Phillip opened his eyes and looked next to him, all six bullets in the ground next to him. Bucky took the notebook and flung it into the water, ripples disturbing the wildlife as herons flew away. Next, he took his phone and smashed it under his foot.
“You are not gonna tell Nick anything about her. You’re going to leave, and never talk to him again. To him it will be like you disappeared. And to us. I better never see your face again, or the next bullets won’t be in the ground. Understand me?”
Phillip simply nodded, completely stunned.
Bucky gestured with the point of his gun for him to leave. He scrambled up and got into his car, making a U-turn around Bucky and speeding away. Slowly letting the gun drift down, he clenched his jaw and looked to the side. He wasn’t the Winter Soldier. He wasn’t that man anymore.
But had he made the right choice? Or had he just signed your death warrant?
Warnings: Angst Angst Angst. Mentions of death. Reference to Eternals 👀
A/N: Wow! I'm so happy everyone likes it! I like to get gorgeous with it haha. Hopefully, I'm not overdoing it.
Prompt: Believing they're about to die, Character A confesses their feelings for Character B before they pass out.
Tag list? I guess this is where I would put it? :) - @mischief-siriusly-managed @itsthemaree
@skyewardolicitycloisdelena91
---
You opened your eyes to a black room. No, not a room. There were no walls. You glanced down at your hands. You could still see them, so it wasn’t dark, just… black.
“Well, hello.”
You spun around and saw the source of the voice.
A serene, beautiful woman who had long dark hair and dressed in a green tunic addressed you.
“What has brought you here, young one?”
You took a moment to process your surroundings before you answered.
“I’m not even sure where ‘here’ is. The last I remember is…”
You trailed off, furrowing your brows, and blinking slowly as the memories start to flood back in.
“Ah… Am I dead?”
“Not quite. Though it does look like you are very close.” The woman says, peering to the side.
You followed her gaze and suddenly you were looking upon your own body, wrapped in Bucky’s arms. Startled, you gasp and step back. Looking around, you were back in the mountains by the Quinjet. Nobody seemed to notice you, even though you were right next to… yourself. Bucky was kneeling on the ground, holding your listless body to his chest. You looked away from him to take in your surroundings. Steve was kneeling next to him while the rest of the team was standing. Vision was comforting an anxious Wanda, while Sam and Natasha were getting a stretcher out of the jet. Clint was warming up the engine. Next to him was Tony, who was radioing into the compound’s medical center.
You turned your head back to Steve as he set a hand on Bucky’s shoulder and started speaking.
“Buck. Buck. You have to let her go. We have to get her somewhere where they can help her.”
Bucky only held onto you tighter, tears still dripping onto your face, leaving clear streaks in the blood.
“She’s dead Steve. There’s no pulse. I can’t find a pulse.” His voice hoarse, barely there.
“Friday said there was still brain activity. You know her body’s different, she could still survive. But only if we get her help. Helen’s on her way to meet us at the compound. She’ll be in good hands.” Steve said, gently loosening Bucky’s grip on you. As Nat and Sam came over, he gently lifted you out of Bucky’s arms and set you on the stretcher. They took you back to the jet, Bucky eyes trailing after you, the rest of his body unmoving.
“C’mon Buck. Let’s get going.” Steve said, offering his hand.
Bucky said nothing but accepted his help, hoisting himself up and walking slowly towards the ship with Steve’s arm on his back, guiding his soulless body.
You watched the jet take off before turning back to the woman. She was standing in the same place, watching you curiously.
“What’s happening here?” You asked, shock wearing off and confusion growing ever stronger.
“Well,” She started, clasping her hands together, and pondering the best way to put it.
“I’ve been alive long enough to see many generations of life go by. I have seen the same tragedies, wars, and evils repeat themselves endlessly through history. One thing that never fails to amaze me, though, is the beauty that manages to survive and thrive amongst it.”
Suddenly, you were in a charred landscape. Looking around, you recognized it as one of the first missions you took with Bucky. It was on the coastal countryside of Japan. You were both sent to follow up on a lead for a major weapons dealer. The mission had been simple: find the hideout and report back.
Unfortunately, they must have been tipped off to the fact that you were looking for them and burned their hideout, along with the surrounding plant life. You watched as Bucky and your past-self walked out from behind you. Startled again, you could only watch as the memory played out.
---
“Ah, what a shame. He didn’t have to burn down the trees with him.” You said sorrowfully as you picked up a charred ginkgo branch.
“It looks old. Burned down before we set foot in the country.” Bucky said, assessing the scene.
You stayed silent, putting down the branch and picking up the remnants of a bird’s nest that was underneath. Bucky watched you from several feet back. It took him a while to warm up to people and he had only ever seen you in passing. He knew that your apartment was down the hall from his in the compound but that was it. The only reason you were even on this mission together was that he spoke enough Japanese to get by while you knew the area from visiting previously.
“There’s nothing here. We should go back to the city and check in,” he said, looking around to double check the area before settling his gaze back on you.
You half-heartedly hummed in response, now putting your palm down on the ground. Bucky look at you quizzically as you paused, seemingly focusing on something.
“Some of these tree roots are still alive.” You said, perking up.
You set down the bird’s nest in your other hand before also placing that palm on the ground. Taking a deep breath, you slowly exhaled as a ring of soft light formed around you. You breathed in again, the light becoming brighter. Bucky took a step back and shielded his eyes. You exhaled, sending the ring of white light out from you. It went several meters before dissipating. When Bucky lowered his hand, he saw that several trees that had been scorched were growing back to perfect health. The white bark and bright yellow leaves stood out sharply against the ash and soot. You got up, slightly out of breath, and looked up at the tree in front of you. Slowly, a smile came upon your face. You closed your eyes for moment, taking it in before turning your head towards him.
Just then, the wind picked up and pushed the clouds out from in front of the sun. A ray of light filtered through the trees onto your face and suddenly Bucky was breathless. He watched as your chest rose and fell, the strain outlining your clavicle where a sheen of perspiration had developed. You were still smiling in accomplishment, the irises of your eyes shimmering in the sunlight. Gingko leaves that had been shaken off in the wind floated gently down, some landing on your gleaming hair before sliding off the silky strands.
You watched yourself walk back over to the bird’s nest and bury it in the fresh fallen gingko leaves. After taking a moment to honor the lost life, you stood, brushed the dirt from your knees and continued on. Bucky broke from his trance-like state and cleared his throat before walking in the direction you went in.
---
Seeing something in your peripheral vision, you turned to see the woman crouching to pick up a stray gingko leaf in the ash.
“One thing I’ve noticed amongst the ash,” she said in her light English accent before standing up and twirling the leaf slowly by the stem, “-is you.”
---
Bucky felt as if he was drifting through the actions. The jet was unbearably silent during the never-ending trip back to the compound. At some point Steve had put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder but he didn’t notice until it was gone. Endless possibilities were running through his head and yet he could not focus on a single one. It was agonizing.
When the jet landed, emergency medical staff, as well as Helen, met them on the runway. Helen relayed orders in Korean while her staff whisked her out of Bucky’s sight. He tried to follow after them, but Nat grabbed his arm and slowly shook her head no. When she spoke, her voice sounded more vulnerable than he had expected.
“Let them do their work.”
Bucky swallowed and looked over at Steve. Steve nodded in agreement and Bucky felt his shoulders drop.
“You need some rest, Buck. C’mon.” Steve said, patting him on the back and walking him to his lodging.
When Bucky closed the door behind him, he put his back against it and sank to the floor. He was exhausted. Everything had happened so fast, and he felt it to be overwhelming. He was starting to fixate on the stickiness of the blood and sweat, the exhaustion in his muscles. Taking a deep breath to center himself, he got up and walked to the bathroom, turning on the water to warm it up. He chucked his clothes directly into the washer before stepping under the warm water. He let it wash over him. He closed his eyes and moved so that the stream of water ran over his face.
In the darkness of his own mind, he relived holding you in his arms. Suddenly, the warm water felt like your blood against his skin and he snapped his eyes open, bracing himself with one hand against the wall, the other wiping his face off. He tried to slow down his breathing and counted the breaths, trying not to hyperventilate. Finally, calming down a little, he turned the hot water knob back to its original position, waiting for the water to reach freezing before quickly finishing the shower.
Dressing in a plain tee and sweats, he sat on his bed. No matter how firm the mattress was, he always ended up on the floor. He hadn’t chucked it for two reasons, the first being that he hardly had any possessions. The second reason was that you had come by once with a book you had mentioned.
---
Hearing the soft knock on his door, Bucky was hesitant to answer. The footsteps leading up to the door hadn’t been heavy enough to be Steve. He slowly walked over to the door and cracked the door open. It was you. You met his eyes and then lowered your gaze nervously, adjusting your grip on the book in your hand.
“Bucky? Hey, sorry to drop by unannounced. I just had that second book I was talking about. You finished the first one right?”
“Uh… Yeah I did. Come, on in.” He said, opening the door completely. He palmed through his hair nervously as you walked tentatively in.
“Sorry about the mess.”
“Oh, it’s no problem. Sorry for the intrusion.” You say, glancing around.
Your eyes brushed over the empty apartment. It was furnished with the standard set that it came with. Aside from a set of keys on the counter and a stray plum on the coffee table, there were no signs of life.
“I don’t think you can have a mess if you don’t have stuff to make a mess with.” You said bemused. Behind you Bucky chuckled nervously.
“Haha… Ah. Yeah.”
There was silence before you turned around.
“I’m sorry. This is weird. I should’ve just waited to give you the book at the next mission or something.” You apologized. Yet, you didn’t move.
Bucky backpedaled.
“Oh no, it’s not that. I’m sorry. I just don’t get a lot of… visitors.” He trailed off.
You met his gaze before your lip twitched upwards. A bubble of laughter escaped your mouth before he started chuckling as well. The tension was broken.
“Well, I’ll just leave this here.” You said, starting to leave the book on the coffee table.
“That’s fine. Uh, did you want the first one back?”
“There’s no rush-”
“I don’t mind. It’s just on my shelf.” He pointed down the hall. “I’ll grab it real quick.”
You watched as he walked down the short hall into his room. Still holding the book, you waited a moment before slowly following walking down the hall as well. When you peered into his room, you saw him standing in front of a bookshelf with several rows filled. You took a step inside.
“Ah, so this is where you keep your stuff. You might live here after all.” You joked.
Bucky chuckled as he moved aside to make room next to him for you in front of the shelf. He was still scanning the shelves for your book. You let your gaze drift across the titles, most of which were classics.
“Making up for lost time?” You asked, glancing up at the side of his face.
“Something like that.” He responded, bending down to check a lower shelf before pulling your book off of it.
He handed it to you, and you exchanged it for the new one.
“So,” you said, leaning against the side of his bed, “How did you like it?”
“I liked it.” He responded.
Bucky looked at you and saw your slight head tilt asking for more details. He cleared his throat and thought for a moment.
“Well… There was this one part that reminded me of the time I went with Steve to…” He started, sitting on the bed next to you. You hopped up next to him.
You listened to him as he retold his experience at the world fair. Going back and forth, your conversation flowed smoothly until it had gotten later than either of you had realized. At some point you had convinced him to read the first chapter of the second book.
“No pressure.” You said, flopping back so you were laying down across the bed, holding up your phone to scroll through the news to pass the time.
Bucky started reading the book, overly conscious of the fact that you were waiting on him. When he sent a quick glance your way though, you were nonchalantly scrolling. Eventually, he got absorbed into the chapter. Quite some time passed before he realized he was just reading the rest of the book. When that happened, he looked over at you.
You had dozed off waiting for him. At some point, you had taken your shoes off and grabbed the blanket he used off of the floor where he normally slept. You were curled up on your side, feet tucked away and mouth slightly open. Bucky stared for a few moments before closing the book and looking at his watch.
12:47 AM.
He blinked in surprise. You guys had talked for a while he guessed. Leaning over, he gently nudged you awake.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I got caught up reading. It’s almost 1 AM.”
You hummed groggily in response, rubbing your eye with one hand while pushing yourself up with the other. You squinted at the light of your phone as you checked it.
“It’s totally fine. I’m sorry I fell asleep. I am such a terrible guest.” You chuckled sleepily, standing up from the bed and picking up your shoes.
“Nah, you weren’t so bad.” Bucky joked.
You just smiled at him.
“Well, thanks for having me. I’ll get out of your hair now.” You said, shoes in hand as you walked started walking towards the door to his room.
He got up and followed you to the door. He held it open for you as you stepped out. Turning around you smiled sleepily at him.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” He replied.
He watched as you walked down the hall in your socks. You reached your door and punched in the code to your apartment. Looking down the hall at him, you waved as you opened your door. He waved back and you smiled one more time before you disappeared into your room. Pausing a moment, he looked around to see if anyone saw you leaving his room so late. With nobody around, he was in the clear. He sighed in relief and closed the door, walking back to his room. He noticed the first book that you were supposed to take back sitting on his nightstand. He touched the cover gently, pausing a moment before picking the second book back up, starting right where he left off.
---
Bucky reached over to pull the book you had left off of his shelf. He ran his hands over the indents of the golden lettering in the leather-bound book. Opening it, he looked at the sticky note that you left inside the cover.
Here’s that book I was talking about. First edition. Enjoy! :)
While looking at the crooked smile you had drawn, a knock on his door interrupted his thoughts and he stalled a moment before getting up to answer it. Opening the door, he was met with Steve, freshly showered and holding a bottle of Buck’s favorite whiskey.
“Thought you might want some company.” He said with his classic side grin.
Bucky wordlessly moved from the doorway and let him in. Steve walked past and sat on the couch, setting the whiskey down on the coffee table. Grabbing two glasses from the kitchen, Bucky settled down next to him. Steve poured a healthy portion into one of the glasses, handing one over before sitting back with his own. Swishing the liquid in the glass, Steve breathed in the aroma before sipping on it. Bucky decided on downing the entire drink in one go.
“Woah slow down there, the night is young.” Steve joked.
“C’mon Stevie. You know it doesn’t do a thing.” Bucky said wistfully, examining the empty glass in his hands. “I wish it did.”
Steve scanned his eyes over Bucky’s expression before turning back to his drink. A beat passed as he sipped once more before speaking.
“You care for her.” More of a statement than a question.
Bucky paused before admitting it out loud for the first time.
“… Yeah.”
They sat in silence before Steve sat forward, resting one arm on his knee while using the other to grab the bottle.
“In that case, let’s get you another drink.”
---
The night inched by; The amber liquid slowly drainin from the bottle until the last of it was in their glasses. Wordless, yet comforting. The sky brightened as the first rays of the sun kissed the morning dew, turning the landscape a stunning orange. Steve’s mind wandered as he watched the sky change color. Many a morning, he watched the sun rise on a battlefield as if nothing had disturbed it the day before. It’s what sustained him through sickness, war, and losing Bucky. It sustained him through his sacrifice as he plunged into the sea. It sustained him when he learned that he woke up in a new era, missing his dance with his best girl.
Clearing his throat, he set down his empty glass.
“What’re you going to say when she wakes up?”
“You mean if she wakes up.” Bucky said, his focus still on the drink in his hand.
“You should tell her how you feel. Life is unpredictable, especially in our line of work. I’ve never seen you care so much for anyone, Buck. Not back then, and not since you came back. When she wakes up, and you get this second chance, tell her. She cares about you too. Be with her. Enjoy it. You deserve to be happy.” Steve said, ending his speech quietly as he tried to remember the shade of red Peggy’s lipstick was when he last saw her on that runway.
Bucky glanced at Steve from the side, feeling the regret that had emanated from his voice. He stayed silent a moment longer before nodding his head slightly.
“I will. Thanks Steve.” He replied, laying his hand on Steve’s shoulder.
“Always. ‘Til the end of the line, pal.”
“The end of the line.” Bucky echoed.
Steve’s phone chirped, breaking the solemnity. He reached into his pocket and checked the message on his home screen.
“Helen has an update. C’mon.” Steve said, as he stood up from the couch.
---
“This has been a particularly unique situation.” Helen stated, swiping her tablet screen to look at more information. Bucky and Steve stood in front of her, outside of the room they were keeping you in.
“We ran many tests, including an EEG, which shows massive amounts of brain activity, much more than normal. We also took some blood and saw that the cells are still… alive. We don’t know how since there is no pulse or heartbeat, but they’re still drawing energy from her. I’m not sure how great of an extent the serum has changed her body, but I think there’s still a chance she’ll wake up. Until then, we have her connected to machines that will continue to monitor her brain activity, as well as alert us when there’s a pulse.”
She then opened the room for them to see you. Bucky walked in slowly, taking in the sight of you. You were lying on the bed in a hospital gown. Attached to your head were the wires sensing your brain activity. The monitor above showed one set of waves that were constantly fluctuating. The other set of waves were flat, showing that the wires on your chest were not sensing anything. It was strange how still you were. No tell-tale rise and fall of your chest, no twitching or turning; Completely still. Bucky walked over to the bedside and touched your arm. He was surprised to feel the heat and softness against his fingertips.
“She’s still warm?” He asked without taking his eyes off of you.
“Yes. We can’t explain it.” Helen replied, hugging the clipboard to her chest as she watched him brush a piece of hair tenderly to the side of your face.
Suddenly, the waves on the screen fluctuated, setting off a light dinging. Bucky turned his head quickly to the screen and then back at Helen, alarm etched into his face. Helen walked over to reset the alarm, taking a moment to analyze the situation.
“It seems as if she’s registering your voice, Sergeant Barnes. Perhaps it would be of benefit if you visited and spoke to her often.” She said tactfully while adjusting one more setting on the screen.
Bucky said nothing in return, letting Helen return to the doorway.
“If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.” She said, letting a moment pass before exiting the room.
Steve let a moment pass, watching Bucky as he pulled up a chair next to the bed.
“I’m gonna go grab you something to eat.” Steve said as he walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind him, leaving Bucky alone with you.
He sat in silence for a few moments before gently placing his hand atop yours, willing you to move, even just a centimeter, so he knew you were there.
Your body stayed as it was. Devoid of life.
---
“I don’t understand.” You replied to her, confused.
“It is rare enough to find someone with a pure, good heart. Add to that fact, the power that has been bestowed upon you. You have the capability to change to world. To heal it.” The mysterious woman said.
“There is a group of us, a few with similar attributes. We walk amongst the people, generation after generation. We guide humanity forward while protecting it from disasters greater than you could ever imagine. I believe that you could aid us in that work. I just hadn’t expected for us to meet so soon.”
She walked over to you and handed you the leaf she was holding, now turned to metal. You turned it over in your hand, feeling the energy coming off of it.
“I’m… extremely flattered. But there are plenty of other extremely good-hearted people out there. Steve, for example. Why me?”
“Ah, yes. Your friend Steve.” She said thoughtfully, now walking to the middle of the ashen clearing.
“Steve has a good heart. A very honorable man. But he lacks the discernment and the wisdom necessary to use these powers. He sees the world as black and white, when really things are endlessly grey. He lacks… perspective. To be in this role, you must understand that sometimes, you need to let things happen, even the bad ones, to protect the world at a larger scale. You, however, already have some of the power that comes with this role, and have used it in a worthy manner. I’ve seen some of the choices you’ve had to make. I’ve seen how you handle incredibly difficult decisions. Your mind is quick, your wit impressive, your heart pure. But perhaps most importantly of all, you possess the wisdom to use those attributes to help further humanity.”
“I see… but I don’t have all the powers that you seem to have.” You say hesitantly.
“It does not matter. I can bestow upon you the power, and I can show you how to turn this,” she says, gesturing to the few trees that you had revived.
“-into this.”
She raises her hands slowly, golden sigils forming around her arms. A blast of light and pressure made you step back and shield your eyes. The initial pulse over, you look around as the wind blew in a circle, lifting up the fallen gingko leaves into a storm. All of the charred remains of the land started slowly coming back to life. It grew back lush and healthy, returning the area to its natural glory. She waved her hand, causing a part of the ground next to a large boulder to collapse. She gently placed her hand on the rock, emitting more gold sigils before pulling away. As she moved back, water started flowing from where she had touched the rock, filling the ground, and creating a pond at its base.
You look around with wide eyes as you heard sounds of wildlife filling the area. You heard birds fly overhead as you watched a fawn come out from the bushes to take a drink from the pond. As you walked slowly closer, the woman gently placed her hand on the fawn’s back to keep it from getting spooked. Carefully reaching your hand out in offering, the fawn sniffed your hand before allowing you to softly scratch behind its ears. Looking down at the pond, several brightly colored fish swam amongst the lilies.
“You could help me do this and more.” She said, fondly petting the fawn. With her other hand, she manipulated the wind so that it fashioned your hair into a loose bun. She stepped closer to you, taking the metal leaf from your hand, and securing your hair with it. Slowly, you felt new power travel through your veins. You turned to look at her, slowly clenching your hands. As you opened them, water flowed from your palm, slipping through your fingers before falling onto the newly invigorated earth. A golden sigil was etched into your palm, glowing brightly. As you willed the water to stop, it trickled to a stop as the sigil disappeared. It was breathtaking. Eyes filled with wonderment, you looked up at her and met her eye.
“Teach me.”
The woman grinned before turning and walking away. You were about to start following her when you thought you felt something brush across your cheek. A familiar feeling. A whisper you could barely make out echoed through your head.
… still warm…
“Come.” She called behind her.
You snapped out of your daze and started walking again.
---
It’s been a little over a month since you had passed out in Bucky’s arms. At first, he refused to leave your side, even to sleep. Steve had convinced them to bring a cot into the room so Bucky could stop sleeping slumped over the bed in the chair. But after 2 weeks, Steve insisted that he go back to his room to sleep. Take some time for himself. They would let him know if anything happened.
Since then, Bucky had taken some time to reflect. He didn’t want to accept the worst possible outcome, but it seemed to be the only outcome. After the sun had set on the day that marked a month, he laid on his bed and sobbed, first angrily, then despairingly. You weren’t coming back to him.
The next day, he woke up numb. It ended up being the first day he didn’t visit you.
---
“Wow that’s amazing!” You shouted over the wind. You were currently with the woman atop a mountain. She had redirected an avalanche so that it missed the town at its base, and youhad helped.
She smiled. She had shown you several areas that she had helped before. First was a desert oasis that she kept from disappearing, and after that was a jungle in which you stopped a wildfire from killing off the last of an endangered monkey species. She turned and you followed her gaze. Suddenly, you were back at the pond you had started at.
“That was incredible. Thank you.” You said, breathless.
“I would be honored to help you with this work. How do I wake up and find you?”
“You don’t.” She said, her expression falling a bit.
You waited for her to explain.
“I wanted to show you everything you could accomplish before you made your decision. But unfortunately, to sustain this amount of power, you must take on a new form.”
You tilted your head slowly in confusion before you spoke.
“So, I’d have to leave my body for a new one?” You asked slowly.
“Essentially, yes. You would die, so to speak.” The woman said quietly before turning.
As you turned to follow her, you found yourself staring at your body hooked up to multiple machines. The woman walked around to the other side of the bed your body was on. Looking down affectionately at your sleeping form, she spoke:
“Your brain would stop emitting thought, and this form of yours would grow cold and die. But from it, your new form would be born. Ethereal, perfect, immortal.”
You swallowed thickly as you continued to stare at the monitor showing the last signs of life in your body,
“Okay, but would I be able to come back here in this new form?”
She paused thoughtfully.
“Theoretically, you’d have the capability to. But we could not allow it. To be able to walk amongst mortals in history, you must disappear from it first. When all of the lives you’ve touched have passed on, on then is when you may reappear alongside us. Until that time, you train with us in the shadows.”
“Oh.” You said, feeling impossibly small. “That’s… not unreasonable.”
“I wish not to lie to you. Normally, when we find someone we think worthy of this job, someone we want to walk alongside us in our journey, we meet their soul at death. And technically you have died. But a foreign power still lingers inside you. You may return to your old life if you wish. But the offer only stands once.”
“I see.” You said softly.
“I wish it were easier.” She said comfortingly.
“Me too. There were somethings here that I wanted to see through first.”
She gave you a knowing, sad smile.
“I suppose the biggest trial to gain this power is the sacrifice of leaving what you love behind. Yours is just beyond that door.” She said, nodding towards the door to the room.
“What?”
---
Six weeks since you had been gone. Two since he last saw you.
Not that Bucky was trying to keep track. He sat alone on his couch, staring at a blank tv. Nothing was playing. Not that it mattered. A knock on the door came through.
“Hey, Bucky, it’s me, Sam.” He half shouted through the door.
Bucky ignored him.
“I know you’re in there. You haven’t left.”
He groaned internally before responding to him from the couch.
“Did Steve send you? Go away.”
“I will not go away, now open this door.” Sam responded, jiggling the handle.
“No.” Bucky said, making no attempt to move.
“Fine then. But you made me do this.”
Bucky snapped his head towards the door as he heard Sam punch some numbers into the pin pad. It chirped before unlocking, Sam coming through the door.
“Hey, what’s your problem, man? Bucky said, coming face to face with Sam.
“Wasn’t a hard guess. Old people use the same password for everything. Shouldn’t have made it the same as your name on the Pacman machine leaderboard downstairs. You’ve been bumped down to second place by the way, curtesy of moi.” He said with flourish.
“What do you want, Sam?” Bucky asked annoyedly, sitting back down on the couch.
“You know why I’m here man.” He said, shoving his hands into his pockets before continuing:
“You gotta go see her.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s not coming back!” Bucky shouted. He started getting up.
“Everyone keeps telling me to go see her, but she’s gone, Sam. Gone. Just ripped from my arms. And she died for me.She wasted her life on me of all things. I’m not gonna go just to stare at her body and replay the worst moments of my life, over and overagain. I can’t do it anymore.”
Bucky blinked and realized there were tears in his eyes. His face was flushed from shouting and his chest was heaving. Sam let a moment pass before he spoke.
“Look, I’m not here to tell you to keep seeing her so that magically she’ll wake up. I’ll level with you, there’s a chance she might not. If you believe she’s not coming back, I’m not judging you on that. I’m here to tell you that if you think that, you need to say goodbye. Get some closure. Scream, cry, whatever. But afterwards, you’ll feel better. I can’t stand watching you suffer like this, man. I’ve seen people at the VA fall apart and stay that way. I just don’t want you to end up like that.”
Bucky stared at him before letting out a noise that got caught in his throat. His legs felt weak, and he found himself sitting on the couch with his face in his hands, crying.
Sam quietly sat next to him and put his arm around him.
“It’s gonna be okay, Buck. It is.”
---
Some time after Sam had left and he had washed his face, Bucky made his way down the hall to your room. It was late and subsequently quiet. Stopping in front of the door to the room your body was lying in, he took a deep breath and opened the door.
---
You blinked as the door opened and Bucky walked through. He looked tired. His eyes were red and puffy: His facial hair was grown out more than normal. He looked… skinnier? Without taking your eyes off of him, you turned to your teacher.
“How long has it been?”
“Time moves much more quickly in the realm we’re in unless you are interacting with the one you came from. It’s been a little over a month in his time.” She answered.
“A month? Really?”
She nodded as you watched Bucky slowly walk over to the chair next to the bed. You sat on the bed with one leg folded under you, the other swinging off the edge of the bed. The woman did the same, though she kept her legs together, putting her hands together in her lap. You watched as Bucky picked up your hand, enclosing it in both of his own as he sat down. He took a deep breath before he spoke.
“You know, people keep telling me to not give up hope. But they don’t realize what it does to me to see you like this.” He started, voice scratchy and soft. It sounded like the whispers you thought you had been hearing around you while traveling with your teacher, only now that you were right by him, you could hear him clearly.
“I come in here, and I talk to you like they tell me to. I read you the books you lent me out loud. I watch the waves on the screen go nuts when I talk, and I feel that your skin is warm when I touch you. But without you replying, without you touching me back, it feels worse than any torture I’ve endured in my life.”
Tears spilled over onto your cheeks as you listened. The ache in your heart growing ever stronger.
“I wish I had gotten a chance to tell you that you made my life worth living. I was just going through the motions. Trying to make amends, trying to make up for everything I’ve done, and maybe then I’d have some peace. But I never expected to be happy. And now you’re gone. And I feel nothing. It’s worse than before I knew what being happy felt like. I’m not ready to go back. I’m not ready to lose you.”
“Please,” he whispered.
“Come back.”
He bowed his head, letting the tears drop onto the floor, clutching your hand so tightly, it surely would’ve hurt if you could feel it.
Tears still streaming, you turned to look at the woman. Time had slowed to a stop, seconds barely going by. She acknowledged you with a slight nod, letting a moment pass before asking:
“Which choice have you made, young one?”
You smiled, wiping the tears from your eyes one side at a time.
“I’m going to make the wrong decision. The selfish decision. I want to stay.” You said, happiness overflowing in your voice as more tears slip down your face.
“There is no wrong decision.” She said, placing your hand on your shoulder. Bowing her head lightly, she looked you in the eyes.
“Are you ready to go back?”
“Yes, thank you, uhm…”
“Sersi,”
“Sersi.” You repeated.
“Thank you for everything. This has been an incredible experience. I’ll remember this for the rest of my life.”
She smiled knowingly.
“When you need me, you’ll know where to find me.” She said, plucking the gingko leave out of your hair. Your hair fell out around your face as a white light grew ever brighter, soon blinding your vision.
---
Bucky raised his head at the sound of a foreign beeping in the room. Locating the source of the sound, he focused in on the red flashing on the screen.
Pulse 72
Pulse 72?
Pulse 72.
Bucky scrambled to press his fingers against your wrist. There it was.
Suddenly, your chest rose. He heard you take in an impossibly deep breath in and back out. He was stunned. While he was staring in disbelief, you turned your head slightly before opening your eyes.
“Bucky?”
He couldn’t do anything but hold you to him.
“Woah there, did you miss me?” You teased.
“Yes. So much.”
You pulled away from him and tilted your head, confused.
“Do I even want to know how long I was out?” You asked, ripping the stickies off of your head.
“Six weeks.”
“Six weeks!?”
“Do you remember anything that happened?” He asked, soaking in your voice.
“The last thing I remember is… the mountains.”
Bucky sat in silence a moment before he grabbed your hand.
“When you were gone, it made my life feel like it was over. I couldn’t stand it. It felt like I had nothing, all over again. You and I have grown really close and I just wanted you to hear all of that now that I have a second chance. I want to be by your side, through thick and thin, if you’ll have me.” He asked, gripping your hand tighter.
You stared into his eyes, the light reflecting the frosty color of his irises brilliantly. You leaned over to kiss him, and he met you halfway. Light and chaste, you pull back and rest your forehead on his.
“Of course I will, Buck. Always.”
---6 Months Later---
You trekked through the tall grass, smelling the coast and nearby sea.
“Just a little farther.” You called back to Bucky.
“I feel like you’ve said that several times now.” He joked, shielding his eyes from the glare of the sun and the bite of the wind.
You turned around, stopping in your tracks.
“Haha, very funny. But seriously, I think it’s at top of this cliff,” you said, peering up at the ledge several feet above you.
He caught up to where you were, placing a quick kiss to your nose before bracing his back against the wall and interlocking his hands.
“C’mon, I’ll give you a boost.”
You stepped into his hand and jumped up, using the extra momentum to catch the edge. Pulling yourself up, you turned around, stomach to the ground, extending your hand to him. He grunted as he climbed partway up, grabbing your hand when the soil turned sandy halfway, leaving no holds for him to grab onto.
Pulling him up, you both sit for a moment, catching your breath and taking in the view.
“So,” he started. “Is it anything like you remembered?”
“Yeah. I think. It’s kind of hazy. But I think I dreamed about this place a lot while I was out. I felt like it was an itch that I couldn’t scratch unless I came here to check it out for myself.” You said, resting back onto your hands.
“Well, let’s scratch your itch.”
Bucky got up and dusted his pants off before offering you his hand. You accepted and pulled yourself up, steadying yourself before walking through the trees into the coming clearing.
When you reached it, it felt eerily familiar. The arrangement of the trees, the water running into the pond, even the arrangement of the moss. It was like peering at your dream through a pair of glasses; It was much clearer now.
“Wow. This place has really recovered since the last time we’ve been here,” Bucky said as he watched the gingko leaves fall around him.
You walked over to the pond and crouched, washing the fish swim between the lilies. You had a nagging feeling that something else was missing from the scene. You eyed a glint in the water while responding back to him.
“Yeah, it has. I think this is how it looked in my dream.”
Bucky walked over to you, and you looked up at him lovingly. Standing up, you wrap your arms around his neck.
“I’m sorry I dragged you to the other side of the globe just to come here.”
“Hey hey hey, it’s alright,” he said, putting his hands on your waist. “Who says we won’t be touring other parts of Japan while we’re here? Besides, this is where we had our first mission. It’s like coming back to a first date spot.” He said with a grin.
You couldn’t help but smile.
“I love you.”
He blinked, before smiling wider.
“I love you too.” He replied, wrapping his arms around you to pull you close to him, kissing you deeply.
---
From further up in the air, Sersi watched from the concealed airship, a man walking up to join her at the window.
“Still think she made the right decision?” He said, holding his hands behind his back.
“Come now, Ikaris. If I had had you before this life, would you be happy at the thought of me giving you up?”
“Of course not. But you didn’t have me before, you have me now.”
“Yes, yes.” She said, smiling as she brushed him off.
“Besides,” she continued. “I don’t think I could’ve offered her anything else. Once I saw how she looked at him, I knew it was only a matter of time.”
Smiling wistfully, she flicked her finger, sending a breeze through the landing where you were.
---
The ginkgo leaves fluttered onto your faces, making you both laugh as you separated to brush them off.
“Come on,” you said, grabbing his hand and leading the way. “Let’s go see the coast.”
He smiled, looking at you with adoration, and followed you out from the clearing to wherever you would walk from then on. A ray of light shined through the trees onto the pond, the glint of the golden ginkgo leaf sparkling out from under the rocks at the bottom.
hi there! i just read both parts of a matter of time, and let me just say how DEEPLY that hit me. i just got done it & i have tears rolling down my face. i may sound a bit dramatic, but your writing is truly so beautiful. i had to let you know how amazing it was. it was like i was watching it in my head like a movie as i read it. i hope you never stop writing, the talent you have for it is something unmatched <3 i hope you have a lovely day/night
O m g.
Thank you so so much 😭
I really really appreciate you taking the time to say that, it means the world!
Hey guys! Looks like there's going to be 2 more parts and then maybe an epilogue to Affettuoso❤ if anybody wants to request any ideas/events/blurbs that you want to see from y/n x bucky, let me know😊
Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam’s who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he’s not the only one looking for a fresh start.
Series tags/warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Canon Level Violence, PTSD, Mentions of sex, Sexual Content
Part 11 Word Count: 6k
A/N: I wrote and then rewrote half of this chapter lol, the ending is starting to appear on the horizon!
Once again, thank you for all your support! Every heart and comment motivates me and is just so wonderful.
“So, you really like this girl?” Yori asked, bringing the hot tea up to his lips to blow the steam away. Bucky sat back and rubbed the back of his neck while trying to hide the bashful expression coming up on his face.
“I, uh, yeah. I do. She makes me feel… grounded. Like I might actually be able to get something out of surviving all of that.”
Yori raised his eyebrows before taking a sip and setting the tea back down.
“I see. I’m happy for you. Do you know what you’ll do while you’re in New York?”
“Not yet. Did you have any ideas?”
Yori reached into his jacket pocket and took out a folded pamphlet. Smoothing it out some, he handed it over to Bucky.
“If you have time, you should take her there.”
Bucky glanced over the front of the packet, a small smile growing over his features before nodding his head at the old man in front of him.
“I will.”
---
You had tried to sneak out during the lunch hour undetected but your attempts proved useless. Your path was quickly blocked on all sides by interested parties.
“So you’re-”
“I can’t believe after all this time-”
“Where have you-”
“O-kay everybody, let’s give her some space,” Dev said as he made his way through the crowd. “Lunch is set up in the conference room. Don’t forget to be back in an hour.”
There were mumbles through the crowd as it dispersed. Breathing in a sigh of relief, you put a hand on Dev’s arm.
“Thank you. I definitely wasn’t ready to handle that.”
“It’s no problem. Thanks again for coming up to New York. I’m so glad everything ended up working out and you were able to come. I had some of the catering set aside in the office for the producers and myself if you’d rather be with a smaller group.”
You opened your mouth to reply but hesitated. You glanced back to the conference room where there was chatter and laughter spilling out from the doorway.
“I… think I’m good, thanks. I should probably learn how to act like a real person again.” You said with a lopsided smile. Dev nodded and gave you a pat on the back.
“Atta girl.”
---
Bucky was waiting for you, leaning against the wall of the building. You came out of the building laughing with a group of people. Once he caught your eye, he gave a little wave. Your face lit up and you said goodbye to your newfound friends with promises of seeing them tomorrow.
“Made new friends?” He asked as you practically skipped over to him.
“Surprisingly, yes. Everyone’s been really nice and there are some extremely talented people here!” You said excitedly, grabbing his hand and walking down the sidewalk.
“You’ve been a big fish in a small pond for a while, huh?”
“Oh, the people at home are wonderful.” You started backpedaling. “That wasn’t to say anything about them. I just-”
“I didn’t think you were, doll.” He said, giving you an eyebrow. He knew you too well.
“I know… I guess I just missed New York. Now that I’m getting back into performance shape, I guess I just missed the new challenges. Do you ever miss being up here?”
Bucky hummed in agreement. “Sometimes. Do you feel like taking a ride to Brooklyn?”
“Not at all.” You said with a smile growing on your face.
He held out his arm to hail the next cab, giving you a look of adoration as the streetlight lit your features. Only you could make a winter evening in New York feel so warm.
---
“This is it.”
You looked around at what seemed like a normal park in Brooklyn. The heels of your dress shoes made a small clack against the sidewalk every step you took, the metal streetlights leading the way. It was nice, but rather small, with all of the usual trimmed bushes and park benches. You looked up at Bucky expectantly as you walked.
“Steve and I grew up right in this area. We used to play ball in this park growing up, although back then it was more of a dirt pit.”
You looked around and imagined a younger Bucky trying to teach Steve how to put some force into a swing. The image made you smile as Bucky continued.
“Almost everything has changed. The houses, the landmarks, the businesses. Even the businesses that have been around since the 40’s hardly feel the same. The logos, the furniture, it’s all been updated to be modern, and the kids or the grandkids are running the show now.”
Your eyebrows furrowed together in empathetic frustration, running a hand along Bucky’s arm.
“I’m sorry. That must’ve been really hard.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. It was hard for a while, and then being dusted for five years made it feel like I was going through it all over again. For a while, I didn’t think there was any reason worth it to stick around after Steve passed.”
He nodded to the statue you were coming up to. You slowly approached and stilled, looking up at the stone likeness of Steve Rogers, in civilian clothes but still holding the shield, looking straight forward over the park like he was protecting it. Reaching out, you brushed your gloved hand over the inscription on the plaque.
Steven Grant Rogers
A Kid From Brooklyn
“There are probably hundreds of these things out there, but this one’s my favorite.”
“I can see why.” You said with a chuckle.
“Steve was my best friend. I was sad to see him go but he deserved to live the life he missed out on. I can’t lie and say I wasn’t upset but Steve was convinced that I’d be okay, make a life for myself. So, I had to try. As much as Sam and I squabbled, I feel like I’m doing work that’s making a difference now, in a good way. A few miles from here, I pulled a man out of an armored truck that was about to fall from a few stories up, and he thanked me. He thanked me for saving his life.”
You smiled at the incredulous tone in his voice, grabbing his hand to hold. He grabbed your other with his free hand and gave your hands a little squeeze, rubbing his thumbs over them like you were immeasurably precious to him.
“And then I met you…” He trailed off to bring your hand up to his lips, placing a kiss on the back of your hand. “Steve was right. I was going to be okay. He would’ve loved you.”
You pursed your lips as you tried to stop the tears from spilling from your eyes. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you brought him down into a strong embrace. There under the streetlight, you knew that you would go through everything again, if it brought you to where you were now, in Bucky’s arms.
Tuesday
“Running late, not sure how long it will be. Come inside? :)”
Bucky looked up at the door to the studio; the sophisticated logo etched onto the glass. Today was a half day for you, so he was here at lunch time to spend the day with you. Letting out a small breath, he made his way up the steps and entered the building.
As he rounded the corner, the idle chatter of the group grew louder. He passed a few people standing in the hallway having discussions, as well as the conference room where most were finishing up their lunch.
“James?”
Bucky turned to find Dev was the one who called his name.
“Good to see you, she told me you were coming.” He said, holding out his hand with a friendly smile.
Bucky nodded and shook his hand. “Where should I wait?”
“If you want, you can follow me into the studio.” Dev gestured towards the door to the left and opened it for him. Nodding once again, he stepped inside the studio where bright Latin jazz was playing. Slowly, he stepped into the dark room and up to the window where he could see you sitting at the piano, playing an improvised run as the brass and percussion section supported you. You were swinging your head with the melody, stepping on the pedals at an interval that Bucky didn’t understand.
The spotlight traded between you and the drum set before moving along with the main melody. The brass took control; The trumpets using mutes to provide a more vintage feel appropriate to the time period it was set in. The saxophone coming in occasionally before guiding the melody to a high point. The vibraphone and piano struck complementary chords before the drum set closed out the piece.
A proud look came upon his face as the set ended, watching you smile and laugh as the others provided cheers; the Bassist next to you leaning over to offer you a high-five, which you graciously partook in. You leaned back onto your hands, taking a breath as you looked to the side at the window. A smile burst onto your face when you saw Bucky applauding you gently. You gave him a wave and mouthed “sorry”, which he waved away. It wasn’t a problem at all.
Dev stepped back into the recording studio, providing feedback before they moved on. It was then that the door opened behind Bucky. He glanced back to see another person enter the room. He turned back to the front and listened as the man stepped up to the window next to him. He kept glancing at Bucky, trying not to be obvious, but Bucky knew. He made eye contact with the man and raised an eyebrow.
The man cleared his throat and looked forward before letting out a breath.
“Sorry, I just thought, maybe, I recognized you from somewhere.”
Bucky glanced at the shorter, stocky man and noticed him sweating. Which was strange because based on the condensation on the man’s coat, he had just come in off of the street.
Ah.
The thought of The Winter Soldier still puts people on edge, regardless of how many people Bucky might pull out of a burning vehicle. Not many people recognize him, at least not right away, but it does happen. Letting out the breath he was holding, Bucky turned back to face the window, only to see you weren’t at the piano. The door to his left made a small click as you turned the knob and stepped into the room.
“Hey! Sorry to keep you waiting.”
“It wasn’t a problem.” He said with a loving smile on his face. “Ready to go?”
“Yup! Just let me grab my things from the conference room.”
He followed you out, watching as you got a chorus of goodbyes from various orchestra members. You waved and shouted that you would see them tomorrow before excitedly grabbing a hold of Bucky’s hand and exiting out onto the New York streets.
---
“I have to stop getting into the music so much,” you said, grimacing as you stretched your right arm. You stopped on the sidewalk as you dug into your purse to find your pain medication.
“Hurting that bad, huh?” Bucky asked, standing next to you. Anyone else would’ve thought he looked indifferent but you know him well enough to see the little line that formed between his brows; To hear the concern in the inflection of his voice.
“Yeah. I’m just not used to playing this long every day. It’s still manageable though, so don’t worry.” You popped two pills into your mouth and downed them with water.
“You sure you’re still up for this? We can go back to the hotel if you want.”
“I’m definitely still up for it, let’s go.” You said with a reassuring smile, starting towards the entrance to the museum. Bucky followed after you, reaching in his pocket to take out the pamphlet that Yori gave him.
Brooklyn Botanic Gardens: Bonsai Museum
He caught up as you passed through security. Once you both checked in, you grabbed a map, excitedly taking in all the potential visits. Turning the map, you spoke.
“What should we look at? There’s so much.”
“Let’s go… here.” Bucky said, tilting his head and pointing to a spot in the map. Hand in hand, you strolled through the indoor part of the museum, occasionally stopping to look at an interesting plant. When you reached the exhibit, you grabbed an identical pamphlet to Bucky’s and stepped into the greenhouse, marveling at the sight. Bonsai trees in various shapes and species were lined in rows on display. Some were relatively smaller, with branches painstakingly shaped, the breadth of a needle. Others sat tall, with strong but elegant branches, cascading down past its trunk, prompting images of powerful deafening waterfalls.
In silence, you both made your ways down the rows, appreciating each display at your own pace. It was leisurely; only a few respectful visitors, who filed in and out on the cold midweek afternoon. Eventually, you rejoined with Bucky who was looking intently at a very unique looking bonsai. The trunk was a little thicker, but with beautiful grooves running up. The leaves looked a little spiny with tiny purple flowers sparsely blooming throughout. A moment later, you identified to aroma that you couldn’t quite place: Rosemary.
Rosemary
40 Years Old
Donated by the Nakajima Family
“This one’s different. I like it.” You said, glancing up at Bucky.
---
“A bonsai tree exhibit?” Bucky asked as he opened the pamphlet Yori just handed him, being careful not to let the corner dip into his coffee cup.
“Garden stroll is a romantic thing, yes?” Yori said in his usual brutish tone.
“No, definitely. Did you go recently?”
“I did.” Yori said as he leaned back in his chair and let out a deep breath. “I actually take care of one I donated there.”
Bucky raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
“Yes. I actually started it with my son when he was ten.” He said in a nostalgic tone. “Our neighbor had a small herb garden on the windowsill and RJ loved to look at it. He was in the middle of helping me with another bonsai that I had started when I came to America when he asked me if he could have his own. I asked him what kind and he instantly said he wanted one of the neighbor’s plants with the purple flowers. I had never heard of rosemary before, so I tried to talk him into a more traditional plant, but the boy had already made up his mind.” Yori said with a wave of his hand.
“He took care of it, and it ended up turning out excellently. I admit, after he passed, I couldn’t bring myself to disturb his things, and that included this bonsai tree we had cultivated and grown together. It was some time before I was able to look at it again. When I did, it was in bad shape so I researched some ways to nurse it back to health and it bloomed again after a long... long time.”
It was the first time Bucky had seen him talk about his son with a smile on his face. There was a moment of silence before Yori spoke again.
“I know my son’s spirit can sense that I’ve made peace. It was a difficult thing for you to do, but know that since you’ve told me, I feel as if I can finally rest.” Yori let out a deep breath, like he had been holding onto it for his entire life. Then he continued.
“I learned during my research, that rosemary symbolizes remembrance. Very fitting. I’m able to remember my son. And now, thanks to you, I can remember some of the good memories without anguish pushing them down and away.”
Bucky nodded his head, an acknowledgement to a thanks that he didn’t feel worthy enough to receive. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he whispered out a thanks in return to Yori before continuing.
“I’ve been trying for a long time to make sense of what happened, and I think I might never make sense of it. What I can do, is make up for that part of my life.”
Yori listened thoughtfully, pausing before replying.
“Well, I’d say you’ve had a great start.” He said, getting a small snort from Bucky. “I would say what you’ve done with your flying friend, and all of the other things I’m sure you’ve done since becoming yourself again, are enough. I’m proud of you, son.”
Bucky snapped his head towards Yori, widened eyes and a small twitch of his face giving away his visceral reaction.
“Just don’t forget to live for yourself too.” Yori chastised him, tilting his chin up at him in true scolding fashion before returning to his tea. Bucky knew better, though, than to take his demeanor at face value. Giving the old (though relatively younger) man a small smile, he sniffed before replying.
“I will.”
---
“Yeah. It’s special.” Bucky replied, lifting his hand slightly, instinctively reaching out for a branch before remembering where he was. You smiled in understanding and turned back to admire the tree. Bucky had told you about Yori last night, along with everything that had happened. You took a moment to honor Yori’s son, as well as to thank the universe for letting them find closure in each other.
Bucky took your hand after a few more minutes, looking upon your face full of adoration for him. Yori’s reminder rang through his head, as well as his own reply.
“I will.”
---
Wednesday
Bucky jogged up the steps to the recording studio, a change of clothes for you in hand. Somebody had bumped into you, causing you to spill your coffee all over yourself. It would’ve been okay, really, if you hadn’t just gotten the cup. With your front soaked in sticky coffee, you really didn’t want to sit in the cold studio for an hour. Fortunately, Bucky had offered to bring you a change of clothes when you had sent him a mirror selfie of the coffee covered outfit with a caption.
How do you like my new look?
Looks like you need a change of clothes to me. Do you want me to bring you some?
Haha if you don’t mind?
Of course not. I love hearing you play.
💗💗💗
Bucky really didn’t mind hanging out for an hour. All he had been doing was reading the newspaper and texting Sam in response to the picture of him holding Alpine. He went up towards the studio, glancing in each room before continuing down the hall. Opening the door to the left, he entered the same room with the window into the studio. You were in the middle of playing so he didn’t flag you down, choosing to wait until you were finished. A second later, the man from the day before walked into the room. The short stocky one who was intimidated by him. When Bucky turned to look at him, it made the man flinch slightly. When Bucky didn’t move, the man swallowed nervously before combing his hand through his hair.
“Sorry. Wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
Bucky only nodded in response, turning back to the window to watch you play. The man slowly made his way next to him, clearing his throat and gesturing to the bag of clothes Bucky was holding.
“Is that for her?” He asked, nodding his head towards you. Without giving him a chance to answer, the man continued talking. “I have to confess- I was the one who spilled it on her. I tried to give her money for dry cleaning but she wouldn’t take it.”
Bucky let out a chuckle which seemed to put the man at ease. “Yeah, she’s sweet like that.”
“I’m Phillip, by the way.” The man offered.
“Bucky. Who are you here with?” He asked in an effort to keep a conversation and settle the man’s anxiety down.
“My daughter’s playing. I always come in when they’re in the middle of recording so that she doesn’t notice me and get nervous. Though that came to my disadvantage today- I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in the hallway so your girl spooked me.”
Before Bucky could respond, the door opened and you walked through, smiling once you saw him.
“Hey! Thanks so much for bringing me a spare change of clothes.” You said while taking the bag from him.
“It was no problem.” Bucky replied.
“So sorry again. I got you a new coffee.” Phillip said, setting the cup he was holding on the table next to you.
“Oh, that was sweet of you! Accidents happen, it’s totally fine.” You said with a warm smile. Then you turned to Bucky. “I’ll be right back. I think we’re actually going to finish recording today! Free day tomorrow.” You said with an excited grin.
When you left to go change, Phillip spoke up once more.
“If they’re finishing soon, I should probably get out of here before my daughter sees me. It was nice to meet you.” He said, as he took his hat off of the coat rack and proceeded to head towards the door out.
“Likewise.” Bucky responded. It was a strange interaction, but to be fair, he was just as awkward. At least, he had been able to make one person less afraid of him. It was a step in the right direction, which was away from The Winter Soldier. Maybe one day, the world would get to know him as Bucky Barnes instead.
---
“And that’s a wrap!” Dev shouted, causing everyone to cheer. Bucky grinned at your elated expression as you clapped from your seat at the piano bench.
“Thank you everyone for coming out and making this one of the smoothest studio recordings I’ve ever had. Safe travels everybody, and don’t forget to keep an eye out for Queen’s Gambit, coming to Netflix this summer!”
There was more cheering before people started chatting and packing up. While you didn’t have an instrument to pack up, it still took you a while to get out to Bucky. You had made a lot of friends and professional contacts. By the end of the whole thing, you must’ve had at least twenty new numbers in your phone, all listed by full name and instrument. It made you a little giddy, like you were just starting at Julliard all over again.
After most of the crowd had dispersed, you made your way over to Dev, who was cleaning out his stuff from the conductor’s stand. Seeing you on your way to him, he set down his stuff and went in for a big hug. You laughed and returned the hug, patting him on the back.
“Glad you’re back.” He said softly. You knew it was more than just being physically in New York. It was like you were back to being your old self, your true identity. Being with Nick for so long had made you forget what you liked to do, what you enjoyed. Looking in the mirror had been looking at an empty, bruised shell of yourself. But by some miracle, you had survived that, and, now, you were thriving.
“Glad to be back.” You responded, trying not to get choked up.
“If you ever need anything, just give me a call.”
“I will. Thanks, again.”
When you finally stepped out of the studio, Bucky greeted you with a congratulatory hug.
“You did it!”
You laughed and went up on your tiptoes to give him a light peck.
“I did it! With your help. I can’t thank you enough. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” He replied, hugging you even tighter.
“You know how we should celebrate?” You asked. He pulled away and raised an eyebrow at you.
“How?”
---
You hung your coat up in the closet next to the door to your hotel room, moving out of the way for Bucky to do the same. You looked around for a moment before laying eyes on what you were looking for. There on the coffee table were two boxes that had been delivered by the front desk. Taking the smaller of the two, you offered it to Bucky as he walked towards you.
“I got you a present.”
“I thought we were celebrating you?” Bucky said, looking at the wrapped box in his hands and then back up to you.
“We will! You just need to open the gift first.” You replied with a wide smile as you flicked on the electric fireplace.
Bucky sat on the edge of the bed, tearing open the wrapping paper as you watched from in front of him.
“Is this a record?” He asked, holding the thin cardboard sleeve.
“Yup! It’s custom made. I thought it’d be nice to get some of your favorites onto one record, kind of like a playlist.”
He flipped the sleeve over to find a list of songs that you both particularly enjoyed printed on it. He went down the list one by one, smile growing as he read it.
“This is fantastic. Thank you.” He said, setting the record down and getting up to hug you. “I can’t wait to listen to it.”
“Well, you don’t have to wait too long. Open the second box.” You laughed lightly as you hugged him back.
Looking at you quizzically, he walked to the remaining gift on the table and opened the wrapping to find what looked like a small briefcase. He undid each of the latches and opened it up, finding a fully functional record player built into it.
“I know it’s not as fancy or nice as the one you got from Steve, but at least it’s more portable.”
“No, this is great! I didn’t know they still made these.” He replied, gently lifting the arm of the record player before setting it back down.
“People started getting back into vinyl records a few years ago thankfully.” You said, delicately picking up the record and placing it to be played. An upbeat tune from the 40’s started playing as you offered your hand to Bucky. He glanced down at your hand and then back up to your complexion, which was practically glowing from the reflection of the flames.
“I’ve been taking swing dance lessons from Julia online. Mostly while you were away on missions. I thought it’d be nice to dance with you to music you liked.” You explained sheepishly, cheeks blushing as you averted your gaze. It took him a moment to take it all in: the soft crackle of warming flames, the dimmed lights of the room reflecting in your eyes, the low sound of record playing as it spun slowly in place.
Taking your outstretched hand, he brought you closer to him, leading you in a gentle sway as he listened to the music. It took him a bit to loosen up completely; His smile growing bigger alongside his confidence, guiding you into a spin. When he dipped you, you leaned your head back and laughed freely, not a care in the world. He couldn’t help placing a stray kiss on your exposed neck, causing a breathy laugh to escape you. When he brought you back up, you cupped his face and kissed him. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he deepened the kiss before pulling back and looking right into your eyes.
A slower tune faded in as your gazes remained locked; Tension settling in the room like a heavy fog. He pulled you back up, hooded eyes wandering down to your lips, and then even further to the outline of your collarbone as your chest rose and fell. He leaned down, hesitating part way, before tilting his head and placing kisses on your neck, trailing down to your shoulders. One spot in particular caught both of you off guard, causing you to bunch up his shirt in your hands and let out a little whimper. The sinful noise was a breaking point for Bucky, causing something to snap inside of him.
“I want you.” He practically begged, voice low and gravelly against your throat.
“You have me.” You stated simply, guiding him back up to look at you. He kissed you once again, hands wrapping around your waist and sliding under your shirt to feel the smooth skin on the small of your back. You shivered from the touch and gently sucked on his bottom lip, giving it a kitten lick before separating from him. He only wondered why you had left the comfort of his arms for a moment before watching you slide your cardigan off your shoulders and onto the floor, maintaining eye contact the whole time.
You slowly unbuttoned the blouse, shrugging it off as well once you reached the end of the buttons, revealing a black lace trimmed bra underneath. He couldn’t peel his gaze away, especially when you unbuttoned your slacks and lowered them, cheeky panties matching and making a set. Stepping out of the pants, you walked to him and played with the end of his shirt as he looked at you with want in his eyes. You started to lift his shirt, prompting him to grab the ends and pull it over his head and onto the floor. Your lips reconnected then, passionately kissing as he stepped forward, backing you up until the back of your knees hit the edge of the bed. You sat, reaching forward to unbuckle his belt, the clinking of the belt and zipper undoing only quickening the fluttering of your heart in your chest.
“Do you want to?” He asked once more to be sure, leaning down as he brushed your cheek tenderly with the back of his fingers. You cupped his face and brought him down for a chaste kiss.
“Yes.” You said quietly, putting your forehead against his for a moment before letting go.
---
Your chest rose and fell with the breath of a finished performance. The audience in front of you applauding the final concerto you had played. You let your mind wander as you took your usual bow at the end of every performance at the theatre. You were very spacey ever since coming to a new level of intimacy with Bucky; Always daydreaming of how soft his lips are, how strong his grip is against your hips, how good it felt to be filled and stretched by him.
The morning after your first time together, you had rolled over to enjoy your source of heat, only to find the added pleasure of feeling your skin against his. It was then that you had remembered the events of the night before and noticed the subsequent ache between your legs. Amidst the heat of the blush across your cheeks, you amusedly noted that he had skipped his morning run, choosing instead to sleep so soundly, you might’ve thought he was dead.
You both had chosen to spend the free day leisurely- ordering room service, enjoying the hot tub (which had ultimately led to other things), and New York nightlife. The trip had definitely been worth it, even if you were dead tired now.
Sparing a glance up at him, you saw Bucky as proud as usual; clapping from his normal seat in your box. You smiled dreamily up at him before tuning back into Arthur’s usual outro.
“Once again, ladies and gentleman, please give our star of the season one last round of applause. The Queen of Russian Classics-”
It took a moment for you to register what was going on. It was like time slowed down as you looked at the faces of the audience turn confused. The worried murmur of the orchestra cutting out as your ears cut out to a high-pitched frequency. You slowly turned your head up to Bucky, who’s horrified face confirmed what had happened.
Arthur had said your name.
Your real name.
Your legs felt like they were going to give out. A light sway from you was enough for the fifth chair violinist who was next to you to notice. Quickly, he got up and took your hand, lowering you into the chair. Your ears were still ringing as they quickly shut the curtains. Arthur, still unaware of his slip up, was confused about what was happening. They explained it to him, his gasp of understanding jolting you back to reality. You bolted upright despite the violinists protests and fled the scene, escaping backstage where Arthur attempted to follow you.
“- dear, let me apologize. I sincerely did not mean to use your name. It was an honest mistake.”
You stopped suddenly and spun around, tears of frustration starting to spill your eyes. Things were perfect. Why couldn’t they stay perfect?”
“Arthur, you know why I do not- can not use my real name. Do you see this?” You asked desperately, gesturing to the scars littering your shoulder. “If he finds me, he’s going to do much worse than this.”
“I’m so sorry, you know I did not mean it. Perhaps nothing will come of it-”
The sound of Bucky stalking down the hall broke your conversation up.
“What the hell, Arthur?” He spat out, walking up to the older man.
Arthur tried to defend himself as Bucky let him have it. They went back and forth but you couldn’t even focus on the heated argument. Your breaths grew ever shakier and you might’ve gone into a panic attack until you heard one bit that stood out to you.
“-and now she’s going to have to move, Arthur! Start all over again, for what? Because you couldn’t keep your mouth-”
“I’m not moving.” You interrupted Bucky, voice so low and quiet that both men stopped to register what you said.
“I’m not moving.” You said again, this time louder.
Bucky sighed deeply and turned from Arthur to you.
“I know that you feel at home here, that you’ve been trying to find someplace to lay roots in. I get that. But it’s just so dangerous.”
“You can protect me.” You replied, garnering another sigh from Bucky.
“Yes, but what if I’m on a mission?”
“Then I’ll go stay at a hotel, or Sarah’s.”
He put a hand on his hip and pinched the bridge of his nose with the other.
“You could. But the safest option would be to move. Even if you did do that, it wouldn’t change the fact that any other time, you live by yourself technically, on this huge property-”
“So move in with me.”
That stunned Bucky, who couldn’t do anything but try to blink away the shock.
“Are you serious?” He asked.
“The past year of my life has been the best year of my life. I have this amazing job, and amazing friends, and I have you.” You said, practically forgetting that Arthur was there. “I spent so much of my life running or hiding in fear. And now that I’ve had this taste, this taste of freedom and life and being free from worry, I can’t go back. I’m done. This is my life that I’ve built, and I’m not leaving it behind. I’m not leaving you behind.”
You stepped closer to Bucky, taking his hands in yours.
“I love you. And I want to stay here. With you. You practically live there anyway.” You chuckled weakly, trying to lighten the tension just a tad. You gave his hands another little squeeze, rubbing your thumb lightly against the ridges of vibranium. You rested your left temple lightly against his chest, looking at your mirrored arms. His left one metal, your right one scarred.
“So move in with me, and we’ll figure it out together.” You said softly, a tear finally escaping over onto your cheek. He took his right hand and angled your face up to him, searching your eyes before wiping away the stray tear. Quietly, just loud enough for you to hear him, he answered your plea.
Set after the events of TFATWS: In an effort to start over and make a home in Louisiana, Bucky meets a friend of Sam’s who ends up being his landlord. With only a driveway to separate them, he finds that he’s not the only one looking for a fresh start.
Series tags/warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Bucky x Reader, Mentions of Domestic Abuse, Canon Level Violence, PTSD, Mentions of sex, Sexual Content
Part 10 Word Count: 5.5k
A/N: Okay, I fell of of the face of the earth but now I'm back. There were a billion ways that I tried to write this, and it's actually why I was gone so long. It really made me meditate and do research on the grief of losing someone. So, ultimately, the end of this chapter was the relationship I was stuck over how to handle. Thank you guys for your patience. What it did help me do was plot out the whole rest of the story. Expect regular updates again <3
Once again, thank you for all your support! Every heart and comment motivates me and is just so wonderful.
Of course, for Valentine’s Day weekend, the orchestra went all out. They hung heart shaped string lights across the stage, and the orchestra could add shades of red to their all-black uniform. Some accented their ensemble with red heels or ties, others went full on red and pink dresses, and as to be expected, someone had handed out red heart-shaped beaded necklaces. Arthur, the conductor, had even put on a headband with two light up hearts on antennas. The crowd had loved all of the romantic melodies, and you had too, as of late.
All week you had practiced the romantic melodies, even humming them as you milled about the house. Things were going extremely well in your life. You had exciting projects to work on, the house was starting to come together, you had a serious boyfriend and a cat to boot. It was really all coming together. He had even come back from his most recent mission just in time to show up the morning of the concert, flowers in hand. You had graciously accepted, humming a tune from one of Debussy’s romantic compositions as you arranged the stems how you wanted in their new vase.
Now at the concert, Bucky sat in his normal seat, watching as you shined on stage. You were stunning in the orange-pink dress you were wearing, flowing with a gold-dotted sheer overlay. The puffed-sleeves were made of the same overlay fabric, delicately framing your arms, glimmering as you played. The off-shoulder dress came down into a deep v, white and pink flowers adorned in gemstones sown in along the neckline. You looked absolutely dreamy, like you came straight out of a fairytale.
Arthur’s voice shook Bucky from his thoughts.
“Thank you, once again, for joining us tonight on this special romantic weekend. Many of you know that Ms. Novikov is our talented, featured guest this season.” There was a break for applause, in which Bucky heartily applauded you as you bowed your head in graciousness. “She has been such a great blessing to us here. Speaking frankly, it is only through her generous help that we were able to open the theater again. So, when she humbly approached me to recommend a piece for our weekend of moving romantic songs, how could I do anything except include it? For our finale, I yield my microphone to Ms. Novikov. She will be introducing our final piece: Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2 in C Minor, Opus 18, Movement 1.”
You got up from the piano bench, stepping towards the conductor’s podium to accept the microphone.
“Thank you, Arthur.” You glanced upwards at Bucky, who gave you a reassuring nod as you took a breath in. “Those of you who have attended this concert season know that I am partial to Russian composers. They’re so incredibly dark but passionate, shaped by the hard life that came from living in the Soviet Era. So, they’re not who you would initially think of when you think of romance. This piece by Rachmaninoff that we’re about to perform is one I consider to be extremely romantic. You’ll hear a lovely theme in the major key breakthrough the minor key that we start in. That will be showcased by solos from the oboe and French horn. The key and tempo changes remind me of the trials that you go through to get to the one you love, and that in the end, being with them makes it worth enduring all that time. So please, enjoy our final piece for the night.”
You handed the microphone back and sat on the piano bench, taking your position. Once you had set your fingers on the starting notes, you nodded at Arthur to signal the start. Taking a deep breath in, you lifted your hands and struck the starting chord.
The starting notes were firm, dark, growing louder until you eased into the quick melody that paced back and forth between two points on the piano. The orchestra eventually joined you, but it didn’t stop you from being the star of the show. The strings eased back as you came back full force with the melody. You guided the transition of tempo and initiated a key change, falling into a lovely melody.
Bucky’s breath was caught in his throat as he listened to how passionately you were playing. There seemed to be two main themes, the lighter romantic side and the stronger darker side, swaying back and forth. He enjoyed the music, feeling it stir his emotions as he watched the gemstones in your hair glitter as you moved.
Bucky had accompanied you to the tailor shop this time around. Since he was basically coming to the concert hall every week, you had asked him to come along with you to get fitted for some new suits, stating that he needed more “variety”. He didn’t really think there was any point. Especially since you were always dressed so beautifully, no one was going to be paying any attention to him. Nonetheless, he had jumped at any chance to be with you.
He was looking in the mirror at the navy blue suit that you had recommended when he heard your voice.
“Selena’s pulling my dress now. How’s the suit?”
In response, he pushed aside the curtain and came out to where you were.
“Wow, look at you. Very handsome.” You said happily as you tugged gently on the lapels of his jacket.
“Yeah?” He asked as he fiddled with the tie. Normally he was fine, but today he was having trouble enduring the closed collar. Some days were worse than others. It just made him feel a little claustrophobic, like he was leashed.
You searched his face, taking into account the signs of anxiety he was showing- the quickening shallow breaths, his inability to look in one place, the constant swallowing as if to make sure he still could. Smoothing out the front of his jacket, you gently took ahold of his hands, moving them from the tie and loosening it yourself.
“Is that better?”
Bucky cleared his throat and he swallowed once as if to check.
“It is but it looks ridiculous that loose.”
He saw a thought flash through your eyes. Before he could ask you about it, you loosened the tie even more, lifting it off of him and tossing it lightly into the chair adjacent.
“How about now?” You said as you smiled up at him. He laughed as he took in your happy expression.
“Well, that’s fantastic. But shouldn’t I wear a tie with the suit?”
“You sit in Irina Novikov’s personal box. Who’s going to stop you to tell you different as long as your my guest?”
His smile got even bigger and he turned to examine his reflection after he undid the very top button. He turned back to you and put his hands up in question.
“Even more handsome.” You said as you pecked his cheek. It was then that you heard Selena’s voice calling you to come try on the dress.
“I’ll be right back.” You said as you turned.
After a minute, you came out in the dress for the Valentine’s day concert. The orangey-pink reminded him of the sunsets where the warm tones took over the earth until twilight, like a classic Michelangelo painting. You had put your hair up in a messy low bun, leaving little wisps that framed your face.
“What do you think?” You asked him, walking into the mirrored section outside of the fitting rooms where he was standing.
He opened his mouth, raising his eyebrows while he tried to find the words to describe how truly beautiful you looked in his eyes. Having no luck, he settled for shaking his head, a smile overtaking his face.
“You look beautiful.” He settled with. A similar color to the dress came across your nose as you looked downwards at yourself.
“It’s not too much? She really cut down on this neckline. Also, are these sleeves too much?” You said, lifting an arm to show the puff of sheer fabric that extended from the base of your neck to your forearm to create a full sleeve.
“You look perfect. But are the sleeves bothering you?”
“Kind of. They’re just so big, it’s a little stifling.” You said, stepping towards the mirror and pulling at the sleeves.
Thinking back to all the pictures of your glory days hanging in your room, Bucky got an idea. He stepped up to where you were standing, gentling scooping your hair from the nape of your neck forward. You blinked in surprised and watched as he took both of his hands and gently slid the sleeves down your arms until the dress looked shoulder-less and the sleeves started right at the top of your biceps- just like how your dresses were in most of the pictures.
“What about now?” He said, looking at you through the mirror.
You reached your right hand up to touch his warm hand still holding the sleeve down. Slowly, you brushed over his hand to the pink scarring across your shoulder.
“The dress is better… But my shoulder still looks horrendous.”
“I don’t think so, I just see you. I think you look beautiful.”
You gave him a loving smile and raised your shoulder to press your cheek to his hand. You both stayed like that for a moment before he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to your shoulder.
“Besides…” He started, his lips so close that you could feel his breath against your skin. “Who’s going to tell you different as long as you’re mine and I’m yours?”
He pressed several more kisses along your shoulder, moving along to your neck, each one getting progressively longer. You let out a shallow breath, pink flushing your face as you reach back to grasp his hair, your fingers gently carding through the shorter strands at the nape of his neck. You weren’t sure how much more you could take before you resolved for your first time together to be in the dressing room.
A thud broke you apart, a gasp escaping from you. You both turned, looking at a box of gemstone hair pieces spilling out onto the floor at the feet of the female sales clerk that had given Bucky her number. Bucky sighed mentally at the petty smirk on her face.
“Oops.” She said, enunciating the P so that it popped.
She turned around and left the hallway, having accomplished her goal of interrupting the moment. You walked over to the box and started picking up the spilled hair pieces. Bucky knelt beside you, helping put them back.
“What was that?” You whispered, half confused, half amused.
“I don’t think she’s too happy about how stunning you are.”
You laughed and watched as Bucky picked up a gold clip with opals and peach colored gemstones and placed it into your hair, above the bun.
“I think anyone would be mad if they compared themselves to you.” He said, now tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. You gave him a look of grateful happiness, leaning in to meet his lips.
He was glad you decided to lower the sleeves. You were too beautiful, inside and out, to be hidden away- ashamed. If you needed any proof of that, all you had to do was look through his eyes at yourself- standing and accepting the applause, slightly breathless with a light sheen across your skin. You glanced up at Bucky, who was applauding you with a bright smile. Anyone could see that you were absolutely taken by each other.
After the concert had concluded, Bucky made his way to your dressing room, laying across the couch and scrolling on his phone as he waited for you. About 20 minutes later, you came into the room, grinning widely as you spotted him, one leg off o f the couch. Before he had a chance to get up, you made your way over and gently scooched overtop of him. It was a sweet image, your ear pressed to his chest as you laid atop of him, hugging him in a pile of pink tulle. He brought his hand up to rest against the small of your back, rubbing small circled as he softly greeted you.
“Hey there, pretty girl.”
“Hi,” you said in a contentedly.
“Maybe it’s just me but it seems like you played even better than your usual amazing today.”
You hummed in response, and brought your head up to look at him, resting your chin on the tops of your hands.
“Well, if you have anyone to thank, I think it’d be yourself. It’s much easier to play love songs when you have inspiration.” You say as you smiled.
Bucky let out a little laugh, bringing his other hand up to cup your face and kiss you. As you lost yourselves in the kiss, you were so thankful for him and everything he made you feel. It felt like you were learning how to live again, and he was steadying you, holding you up until you were able to do it on your own.
---
After piling up Alpine’s food bowl, you and Bucky took your flight up to New York. It was an easy trip, landing right around lunch time. Since you still had a couple hours until it was check-in time at the hotel, Julia had offered for you both to relax and have dinner at her place until then. You could barely contain your excitement on the cab ride over.
“I haven’t seen her in years. I mean, we talk at least once a week, but we haven’t even been in the same state for a long time. I’m really excited for you to meet her.” You said as you squeezed Bucky’s hand in the back of the cab. He gave you a reassuring smile and you resumed looking out the window at a city you both had called home at one point. It would make a lot of people excited and overwhelmed but to Bucky, it was just the place he grew up in. There was something comforting about the noise of the city, the reddish tones of the bricks in the rows of townhomes and buildings as the car sped past.
Eventually, the cab pulled up to a townhome where a woman was standing out front. You excitedly got out of the cab as Bucky chuckled, handing the driver the fare for the trip. You jogged up the steps and firmly hugged the woman, who laughed brightly as she hugged you back.
Bucky easily picked up both of your suitcases from the trunk and set them down on the sidewalk, closing the trunk to the cab so it could get to it’s next destination. He turned to see that you had finally pulled away from the woman, who he could only assume was Julia. She swept her thick jet-black hair back and glanced down at Bucky, causing you to turn to follow her gaze.
“Ah, thank you, Buck! Sorry, I got so distracted. Bucky, this is Julia. Julia, this is Bucky.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Bucky.” Julia said as she stuck her hand out to shake Bucky’s in a surprisingly small grip for such a short woman.
“Likewise,” He said, as they dropped their hands. “It’s nice to finally meet this roommate she’s been talking about.”
“I feel the same about the hunky sergeant she keeps talking-“
“Julia!”
That made him laugh.
After introductions and carrying everything inside, you all chatted for a while over a cheese board and wine. Bucky hadn’t ever seen a board just for cheese and crackers but he was definitely enjoying the new experience while listening to all the wedding talk.
“So did you and Raul finally pick a venue?” You asked Julia, sinking back into the plush couch against Bucky.
“We did! So, his family’s mostly in Mexico, and mine in Peru, and then our friends are all in New York, so we decided to go with Mexico since it was in the middle. He’s actually there now to visit his family. Besides, it will be so beautiful and the heat will die down in early Fall. Let me pull up the pictures. It’s a ranch outside of the capital with stunning Spanish architecture. The reception area is open air, and it will be perfect for dancing under the stars.”
You flipped through the photos, excitedly pointing out the different parts of the venue that would be perfect for pictures. There was thorough talk of wedding favors, bachelorette parties, and other things to plan for the festivities to come. Eventually though, you started getting tired from the early morning you had. Julia noticed and gestured for you both to take a nap in the guest bedroom.
“I’m just going to shut my eyes for a few minutes.” You said, rubbing your eyes and yawning. You tacked on a sleepy “I missed you” at the end.
She replied with a hug. “I missed you too.”
Thanking her again for her hospitality, you shut the door and flounced onto the bed, eyes already closed. Bucky followed behind you, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you to him, pressing your back against his chest. You reached back lazily, combing your fingers through his hair before you murmured a sleepy goodnight. You drifted off rather quickly and Bucky felt like he was next. Planes always made him a little anxious. It was always the prologue before a big fight, whether it be back then as a soldier in World War II, Hydra’s biggest weapon, or now as… whatever he would be classified as now. “Hero” doesn’t sound right. A good guy? Whatever he was, he didn’t sleep on the plane, so it was really catching up to him. He drifted off to sleep with his face against your hair, lulled to sleep by the scent of your shampoo.
---
He woke suddenly, disoriented by unfamiliar surroundings. Once he recognized where he was, he calmed himself. Bucky hadn’t slept that hard in a while. Looking over to where you had been laying, he saw that you had crept away at some point. Judging by the low light filtering in through the blinds, he had been asleep for a few hours. He got up to shake off the grogginess and find wherever you had snuck off to.
He opened the door to find Julia sitting at the table, reading a magazine. She looked up and smiled disarmingly.
“Good morning! If you’re looking for her, she went to grab us dinner from the restaurant around the corner. I offered to go but she insisted on visiting the family who runs it. It’s been a while since she’s talked to them.”
“Ah. Gotcha.” He said, looking around slightly awkwardly. Before he could figure out what to do, Julia spoke and rescued him.
“Make yourself at home. Would you like anything to drink?” She asked as she gestured to the couch.
“Just some water, thank you.” He responded as he sat.
Julia poured water out of a pitcher into a glass and handed it to him, sitting on the chair across from him.
“You know, I haven’t seen that girl this happy in a long, long time.” She stated matter-of-factly.
Bucky let his gaze drop to the glass in his hands, but he couldn’t stop the small smile that crept onto his face. He sat back and took a deep breath.
“I’m glad. She’s been through a lot.”
“So have you.”
He glanced back at Julia, who shrugged.
“She’s told me a lot about you. In fact, you’re one of the only things she talks about. Like how you listen to her, or make her comfortable, or make her feel excited about something for once. She’s back to how she was when I first knew her. I can not thank you enough for bringing my old friend back.”
“Well, I can’t say she hasn’t done the same for me, if not more. She helps me process what I’m feeling and she’s easy to talk to. She makes life feel… bearable. Which is not how it felt before. I know that I don’t deserve her, but she makes me feel like I do, which is amazing in of itself.”
“You both deserve each other. Everyone deserves love, especially if you don’t give yourself any love. From what I know, you both have been giving and giving, but not to yourselves. She’s always been like that. When I first came to New York, I had never lived in any big city like this, and I was so self conscious about my English. When we met as roommates, she did so much more than she had to. She showed me how to use the Subway, to navigate the city, helped me with my vocabulary- she put so much effort into someone she had just met. She’s always been the kind of person to help you with whatever you need and then some.”
“She is very much still like that.” Bucky confirmed, thinking back to how you had sacrificed part of your salary for the theatre to have its repairs.
“She says that you’re like that too. Constantly giving, sacrificing until you have nothing left, and even then, you would find a way to give more than you had. It’s very admirable. You are a good match for her. And now, at the very least, you’ll have each other to give to, and maybe you’ll both learn to give to yourselves.”
It was true. Neither you or Bucky knew how to take care of yourselves. But you knew how to take care of each other. The sound of the door opening caught their attention as you walked into the house. You were greeted happily by both parties, who had in common their love for you.
---
“Wow, they did not cheap out on the hotel.” You said as you walked into the room. The room was huge, lined with silky grey carpeting, velvety curtains, and two walls made of glass panels overlooking the city due to the room being on the corner of the building. The low warm lighting made everything look extra cozy, with luxurious fur throws over the bed and armchairs, and an in-wall fireplace to match. You took everything in as you slowly opened the door to the bathroom. Bucky followed right behind you.
The floor and walls were made out of a smooth sand-colored stone, including the walls of the shower that weren’t made of glass. Two large showerheads hung directly overtop of the shower, imitating rainfall straight from the sky as you twisted the faucet and watched with wonder. Right in the middle of the room was a huge jetted tub, room enough for two, overlooking the city.
“This is amazing.” You said simply, now turning to Bucky. He was smiling at your wonderment.
“Okay, okay, I know it’s just a bathroom, but this rainfall shower? This tub?” You emphasized, gesturing towards all of it. “I didn’t bring a bathing suit, because obviously it’s February, but we have to try that thing.”
Bucky just chuckled and gave you a kiss before turning you to take your coat off your shoulders. Walking back out to the main room, he hung up your coat for you. When he turned around, he found that you had flounced onto the bed, checking your phone calendar. He laid beside you, clasping his hands on top of his stomach and letting his back adjust to the plush mattress.
“Alright, it’s gonna be a busy week…” You turned your head and looked at him quizzically. “What’re you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” He replied, turning towards you to return your gaze. “I’m sure I’ll figure something out.”
---
Monday
Pulling on your coat, you did one final check in the mirror. Black oxford shoes, grey skinny slacks, and a black knit shirt with a slight turtleneck. Wrapping your scarf around one more time, you turned to Bucky who had just walked out from the bathroom. He was wearing his usual all-black ensemble with his signature leather jacket and gloves.
“Ready to go?” He asked as he gave you a peck on the cheek.
“Yup!” You responded as you picked up your purse. He had insisted on walking you to the studio since it wasn’t far. Grabbing coffee on the way out of the hotel, you two stepped into the brisk New York climate. Thankful for the heat of the cup, you held it close to you as you made your way down the sidewalk.
You could tell exactly where the entrance to the studio was due to all the people filing in with violin cases slung on their backs or carrying cases with the obvious outline of the various wind instruments that would be playing alongside you. The closer you got to the building, the more nervous excitement you had building up. The score had been beautifully written, and you couldn’t wait to play it with the actual orchestra.
Bucky glanced at you through his peripheral as he sensed your breath picking up.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” you answered, looking up at him. “Just nervous. Excited. I haven’t done anything like this in a long time. It feels good.” You stopped walking forward and moved to the edge of the sidewalk, prompting Bucky to do the same. You turned to face him and grabbed his free hand with yours.
“Thank you, again. I don’t think I would be here doing this without you.”
“Of course. You know I’m always gonna be here for you, doll.”
A warm smile came across your face. “How did I get so lucky?”
“I ask that of myself every day.”
You got up on your tiptoes and he met you halfway to give you a warming kiss. When you eventually broke apart, your face was flushed and you let out a content sigh.
“Alright, I guess I should go in… See you at five?”
“See you at five.”
You waved as you turned to walk to the entrance, looking to see him one more time, standing there with a look of love upon his face.
---
“Alright everybody!” Dev started loudly, clapping his hands together to gather the attention of the room. The chatter died down and everyone turned to the front of the recording studio where he was standing. Everyone had someone that they were friends with or someone they at least recognized. But you, you had quietly made your way up the steps towards the back of the room, where the raised platform showcased a range of percussion setups, as well as the piano you were looking for. Gently running your hands across the keys, you had sat on the bench and smiled to yourself observing your surroundings.
“Welcome- to the recording for The Queen’s Gambit soundtrack!”
There was a burst of excited applause and murmuring before Dev continued.
“I hope everyone had a chance to really look over the summary and the scores that I sent out. I’m so happy that everyone could make it. Most of you know me in some way, shape, or form from Julliard- whether as a mentor, alumnus, or other programs. Let me introduce a few faces you may not recognize.”
You braced yourself as he made his way down in the back. They had brought in multiple percussion specialists, for the various vibraphone, marimba, and drum set features. And then there was you.
“Our final guest, who you may know from the photos in the music hall, is The Queen of Russian Classics!”
The whispers that erupted from the orchestra confirmed two things. The first being that Nick had successfully managed to crush your existence into nothing while you were with him. The second, though, was that even after all this time- you were missed. Some craned their necks to get a better look at you, others had an excited expression on their face from seeing someone they considered a role model. You swallowed hard as you tried to keep the overwhelming emotion from bubbling over in the form of tears. As your gaze swept over the room of eager faces to Dev, you tilted your head and gave him a grateful smile that he returned with a wink before calling the attention of everyone back towards him.
“Now that introductions are over, let’s get to playing!”
---
With nothing better to do, Bucky let old habits overtake him. He thought about nothing in particular as he walked through his old neighborhood, letting his legs take him on the route ingrained in his muscle memory. He stopped at the bodega on the corner, buying a second coffee and a newspaper to read as he stood under the awning as it began to mist.
“James?”
Bucky glanced up, halfway through reading the first article. He blinked in surprise, as he never thought that he would hear that voice address him again, or at least without hate laced throughout.
“Yori?”
The two stood staring at each other for a minute before the rain started growing heavier. Instinctively, Bucky moved over and gestured for the old man to join him under the awning. He quickly accepted the offer, and the two stood next to each other in silence, listening to the rain grow ever heavier as it hit the concrete with little remorse.
“How have you been?” Yori said, clearing his throat to get rid of some of the raspiness that came with being a man his age.
“I’ve been okay…” Bucky started cautiously. “You?”
“Better than you might think.” Yori responded, still looking straight ahead of him.
Bucky shifted his weight uncomfortably before finally saying something.
“Look, you don’t have to go out of your way to see me and talk to me to make me feel better Yori. I- ”
“I’ve done a lot of thinking since we last talked.” Yori said, effectively cutting him off. “At first, I was more shocked than anything. Then the shock turned to anger, the anger to despair. I grew numb. One day, I looked around and found myself more alone than I had ever been in the world. It was a dark day.”
Bucky clenched his jaw as he looked down in shame.
“And then, that same day, I look at the newspaper. And who’s face do I see but yours.”
Bucky’s head snapped up. Yori was looking at him with one eyebrow raised.
“New Captain America Takes Down GRC With Former Winter Soldier. Big news that day. It made me wonder about what else you had done. So, I looked up this Winter Soldier. I found out that he was responsible for murder, torture, kidnapping- the list goes on... But more importantly, I found out the means that Hydra had gone through to make him.”
Yori let out a sigh and turned back to face the street, leaving Bucky to continue staring at him.
“They had taken an innocent man and beat him and tortured him until he was stripped of his former life and became this monster… I cannot even imagine the things that they must’ve done to you.” Yori stopped for a moment to control the tremor in his voice. “I am sorry. For everything you’ve had to go through.”
Bucky started shaking his head, quickly and violently. “No, Yori. Don’t apologize to me. I’m the one who should be-”
“No. No, shouldn’t.” Yori said adamantly. “Because you did not kill my son. That wasn’t you. That was whatever those evil men put in you.” He was now pressing against Bucky chest with his palm.
“But I know in here,” He took his palm off of Bucky’s chest and put in on his own. “That the spirit who killed my son was not you. It never was.”
The corner of Bucky’s mouth twitched and he swallowed hard as Yori stood facing in front of him with a pained expression on his face- one that was pained not for his own self, but Bucky’s.
“I wanted to contact you but you changed your number. I tried to write you a letter but you left no forwarding address. I was afraid I was going to die before letting you know that you can rest.” Yori grabbed his hand, his flesh one, and gave it a firm squeeze- a show of affection. “I know it wasn’t you, but if it’s forgiveness that you once sought, then know that I’ve forgiven you, James. And know that I am proud of everything you’ve overcome.”
The tremor in his voice was back. Overwhelmed with emotion, Bucky let out a breath that sounded more like a cough as his shoulders moved silently, tears sliding down his face. Yori shed a few as he brought him in for an embrace. There under the awning, the two men were able to put to rest what had haunted them each for almost an entire lifetime.
@seybox Bro same. I was at first going to be edgy and have him receive a letter but that didnt feel right. I took forever, but I feel the most at peace with this outcome ❤
