tumblr portrays subs and this perfect innocent people and doms as the abusive ones. that is fucking wrong. there is just the same chance of a dom being abusive as there is a sub. so doms/switches here are some red flags in subs/switches
verbally/emotionally manipulative. "You love me unconditionally don’t you?“ “If you cared about me you’d…” “Dominants are supposed to…” “No, that’s not how D/s works.” “You’re too big and strong to be taken care of.” “Why don’t you pay attention to me for once?” these are typically used by “subs” are want to get something out of the relationship. they are not into the dom/sub dynamic. they let the dominant face fuck them IF they get a new clothes afterwards.
Verbal/Emotional abuse. “you are the dominant. it is all your fault!” “you control me not the other way around.” “you are dumb/worthless/ugly/etc” “my last dominant was better then you” stuff like this usually coincides with manipulation.
Physical Abuse. whether the “sub” is bigger or smaller then you, physical abuse is abuse. you can tell the difference between playing around, consenting to being slapped/choked/etc and actually being hit. even if the “sub” raises their hand to you and is being genuine, it is abuse.
Refuses to acknowledge dom drop/aftercare for YOU. yes you are dominant. yes you are the “strong” one in the relationship. that being said, YOU DO NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE STRONG. Dom’s get into a headspace just like subs. dom drop is a real thing and needs to prevented against. you also need some form of aftercare. whether that being reassured that they wanted what you did to them or just cuddling afterwards, aftercare is just as important to dominants as it is to subs.
Refuses to do something that is common in dom/sub with some sort of put down. things like “bring you a drink? but I’M the fragile sub here. you bring me the drink” or “kneel? next to you? HA!” something along the lines of that. if your dom/sub dynamic includes the submissive serving you, then they better serve you. that being said, subs do have bad days. i know sometimes i physically/mentally/emotionally cant serve my daddy. i tell him, and he takes care of me. you will not the difference between a sub having a bad day/week and this.
Not being there for you when you have a bad day/week/month. yes you are the dominant. yes you are suppose to be there for your sub. that being said your sub is suppose to be there THE EXACT SAME AMOUNT FOR YOU. if you need cuddles, tell your sub that. if you want to take your aggression out, ask your sub if you can do that. if you just want to sleep and not do anything dom/sub, tell your sub that. im sure they will understand. if they dont, your sub might be abusive
Tries to convince that dom/sub is all about the sub. NOT TRUE AT ALL. technically, the sub is there for the dom’s enjoyment. it is all 100% consensual. BDSM and dom/sub is the same amount about the sub as it is the dom. all parties need to be consenting to participate and getting enjoyment out of it. if the sub tries to make it all about them on a regular basis, that is not okay. you can tell the difference from making a play session all about the sub (ex. forced orgasm) and the sub trying to make it about them constantly.
Disregards your feelings. if your sub does not give a shit about how you feel about something, that is not okay.
Obsessed with every little thing you do. if you need permission to go out, aren’t allowed to hang out with members of the sex you are attracted to, send them pictures of what you are doing every hour, that is not okay. This can be just as abusive as disregarding your feelings.
Anything that YOU dont consent to. you only ever hear about the sub being made to do something they dont consent to. doms are also forced to do things they dont want to do. if your sub forces you to do something that you dont want to do, this is abuse. there is a difference between trying something new (say you want to try out flogging but you dont think you will like it but are curious, that’s okay. if you really really dont like flogging and hate it and the idea of it but your sub forces you to, that’s abusive)
anything that would normally be abusive in a vanilla relationship. IF THERE IS NO CONSENT FROM ALL PARTIES PARTICIPATING THEN IT IS ABUSE!
stay safe and stay kinky!
kianamaiart
prguitarman
gummygunk
janainaart
blakekathryn
jbbartram-illu
theartofmadeline
jacobvanloon
areudirty
