im just here to have a good time

cdawg. age 8. (no relation) she/her ~*~ Capricorn Sun / Aries Moon / Leo Rising ~*~ 

[hashtagmurderingmyself]

The American Founders as Dril Tweets

George Washington: basicly a sniper rifle that can switch gears and turn into a baseball bat if the situaiton demands it. an armymans ultimate tool

James Madison: THIngs other people like: being bastards, being Uniformly tasteless THINGS I LIKE: Being reasonably kind, and trying to help, when i can

Ben Franklin: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying

John Adams: THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset. ME: I agree

Abigail Adams: “This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender,” i holler as i overturn my uncle’s barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit

Alexander Hamilton: all young men Must be fitted for a good Italian suit, ideally by age 4. i will not fucking apologize or back down from this

Thomas Jefferson: (POsturing like a dip shit at the public pool) My father owns no small number of shares at the smirnoff ice company. Let me be the lifeguard

Marquis de Lafayette: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

Dolley Madison: looking to spice up my marriage with pg13 comedies about camping

Aaaron Burr: i feel like getting shot would;nt be that bad if you knew how to properly "body spin " away from the bullet or slap it away with your hand

[hashtagmurderingmyself]

capricorn sun: I’ve made an informed and logical decision that accounts for every possible outcome

aries moon: and it is subject to change with no warning or reason

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[unpretty]

i love cutthroat kitchen but bingewatching makes it really stand out how often alton brown refers to himself as ‘daddy’ and makes contestants wear spreader bars

[dr-hollands-deactivated20190209]

I’m sorry what

[unpretty]

you heard me

[unpretty]

[elkian]

#I CAN’T BELIEVE I NOW KNOW WHERE TO BUY THE EXACT FETISH GEAR THEY USE ON MY FAVORITE COOKING SHOW

[fiskeorn-deactivated20180416]

@genericrevenge

[son-of-maglor]

OKAY BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY USING SPREADER BARS ON A COOKING SHOW??!??! DOESNT THAT MAKE IT KINDA HARD TO COOK???!?

[unpretty]

kinda, yeah

[renthebarbarian]

@datas-vibrating-robot-dong this seems like your speed

[gregorydickens]

That logo looks familiar.

[unpretty]

WHAT

OH MY GOD

[sylveonce]

[paintmeahero]

We met Alton Brown at a show he did here - we paid the extra cash to meet him and get a blurry cellphone pic with him and have him sign a picture. He noticed my (male) companion’s pocket watch, and proceeded to order him to take it out of his pocket. It wasn’t obnoxious, it was in a Dom tone that brooked no argument. So he complied. When he found out it wasn’t wound, and so not working, he was deeply disappointed, and told him to do better next time. 

If this guy isn’t a Dom, I’ll eat that spreader bar.

[unpretty]

[strangesequitur]

This post just keeps going new places every reblog cycle.

[pissvortex]

HIGHLY usable dril tweet, very powerful in all future arguments you may have

[luminatress]

The Signs Expressing Affection

*check venus signs* Aries: takes you on adventures, challenges you, shows you off, protects you, tries hard to impress you, flirts and plays around with you, always strives to keep things exciting, seeks your attention and recognition

Taurus: shares their belongings, cooks for you, buys you things you want, invites you to concerts, museums, or for a day at the park or beach, gives physical affection, always wants to be around you

Gemini: listens to you, talks with you about anything and everything, laughs at all your jokes, plans dates and adventures with you, writes poems and writings about you, shares their deepest thoughts and ideas with you

Cancer: acts shy around you at first, looks at you like you’re a dream come true, nurtures and cares for you, brings up sentimental memories, opens up about their past to you, invites you to watch movies and shows with them, cooks for you

Leo: treats you like royalty, shows off their charm and talents when around you, encourages your self-esteem and self-expression, makes you their main focus, lets you know exactly how they feel, public displays of affection

Virgo: supports your goals to achieve, plans and organizes their future with you, checks on you frequently, cleans themselves up more around you, is the first to let you know when you’re doing wrong, works hard to keep the relationship balanced and healthy

Libra: changes their mannerisms and style to fit your aesthetic, gives you all the attention, admires your beauty and appeal, tries hard to keep their appearance up to par, acts flirty and alluring around you

Scorpio: gives you an obsessive amount of attention, does what you ask of them, publicly acts relatively normal but in private acts extremely intimate and passionate with you, expresses their passion physically, may be distant at first but watch for their smirks and gazes

Sagittarius: tries to be more humorous around you to make you laugh, surprises you with dates and gifts, is open and honest with you, always tries to keep things fun, has deep conversations with you

Capricorn: works hard for your attention, gives you anything you want that they can offer, remains devoted and loyal to you, follows your demands, expresses emotions and inner thoughts to you

Aquarius: settles down for you, adores your individuality, makes you feel special, talks to you about their feelings, supports your beliefs and opinions, shows you off on social media, has deep, intellectual conversations with you

Pisces: is vulnerable and open around you, may be shy and not the first to admit it, gives you sentimental and romantic gifts, always knows how you’re feeling, their romantic feelings towards you are pretty obvious, creates fantasies about you, listens to your every word, idealizes you

[sunfortune]

I think we should kill every man who wronged megan fox

[gothcostco]

not to be too millennial but

no money

[celanon]

no house

[clst]

just avocado

[bonginspector]

[episodeixs]

since my gay ass loves space, i decided to take this buzzfeed quiz that determines which planet matches your personality. tag your results and zodiac sign. i’m a gemini and i got venus!

[hashtagmurderingmyself]

kid: dad whats a 69

dad: well son, a 69 is when two people who love each other very much get together with a 6 and a 9 and a 5 6 7 8 [spotlight turns on] [dad breaks into jazz number]

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

The party, pointing to an NPC that the DM never intended to be a recurring character: That’s My Child Now

[gifsboom]

High speed carrot destroys lightbulb. [video]

[randomitemdrop]

Item: appears to be a normal baby carrot, but when the command word is spoken, it flies around the room destroying every light source it can reach in one minute before returning to the owner.

[gayjimothy]

a scientist and an icon

[starcrossedcherik]

But how can you leave out the line where our girl says “You didnt really think I was in love with you?”

Shit was iconic

[gayjimothy]

here you go:

[alexander]

How Animals Eat Their Food

[pastelvirgil]

this video is fuckin ancient and i honestly forgot how funny it was

[alien-fanbitch]

I always forget how funny this is until I watch it again and die laughing!

[radioactivepeasant]

Oh gosh, I forgot this was a thing!

[sharky857]

How can the other guy keep a straight face the whole time? X°D

[verylittlebird]

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

[twinsfawn]

monday mood