#ShitMyRoommateSays @hashtagshitmyroommatesays - Tumblr Blog

I don’t wanna hear one goddamn Trump supporter complain when he starts fucking this country up. Same goes for third party voters.

You made your dirty ass bed, now you lie in it.

Floormate: You know how when it rains, the earthworms come out? Well, when it's sunny, half-naked college kids come out.

#gmu #college #roommate #summer #naked #park #beach #triscuits #St. Patrick's Day #marvolio #marshmallow #marigold #maverick #shield

Velma: It's not like you can go in and adopt an actual Amish person.

#gmu #college #roommate #amish #assignments #safeway #subway #broccoli #cheddar #panera #soup #fly #weird al #german #what

Floormate: You're not a forklift

Floormate: just stop

#gmu #forklift #construction #baking #paper #dvd #finger #colts #pencil #toothbrush #bed

Floormate: Angel food cake...it's like a pillow you can eat.

#gmu #college #angel cake #cake #wedding #sleep #fish #paint #toast #baseball

Floormate: They're clearly existing up there.

Floormate: Uncle Vernon is going to be pissed.

#gmu #college #roommate #Dobby - quiet down!#chocolate #bear #goldfish #godzilla #chinchilla #flinflilla #macaron #macaroon #macaroni #pluto #is a planet #sephora #septum #stress #relief #mike's

Me: Are you riding a horse up there?

Me: What are you doing?

*more noises*

Me: Are they having a galloping race?

Me: This isn't the Kentucky Derby.

#gmu #college #roommate #upstairs neighbors are noisy #and someone is screaming?#and someone is singing?#tea #camels #trader joe's #elite four #captain america #they keep freaking running #jolly ranchers #harry potter #bertie botts #st. ives

Wilma: I'm putting my arms in here.

Floormate: I don't want to be charged for that.

Wilma: It feels good.

#gmu #college #roommate #1500 thongs #london #paris #tel aviv #oven #charges #fees #shitty housing #godzilla #sex and magic #cameradancer100

Floormate: I feel like I need to burn myself.

#gmu #college #roommate #that's a lot of dongs #cell phone #tag #you're it #broccoli #munchkin #smurfs #smurf you #garbage disposal #disgustingness #need to be super clean

Floormate: Why does it look like there's sperm on the sink?

#gmu #college #roommate #dongs #all over the world #redds #st. ives #hair #toes #apricot #scrub #couch #dirty #rainbows #snape

Me: She started on the ice cream without us!

Floormate: BIZNATCH!

Floormate: ...what the fuck is a Biznatch?

Me: I don't know. Google it.

#gmu #college #roommate #biznatch #according to the urbandictionary #biznatch came about in the '90s when rappers tried to get around censors #so instead of bitch #they'd say bizzzznatch #fo'shizzle also comes from this #pizza #broccoli #cheese #panera #pretty nifty

Floormate: Hey, catch! *holds up a glass bottle*

Me: Nuh-uh. I'm not about that life.

#gmu #college #roommate #pepsi #baby lotion #febreze #panda bear #CD #bundle #shoes #mason #hat #chalk #cheerios #cheetohs #chester #field #hockey #canada

Floormate: Woah one of my professors has a rating from 2002.

Floormate: That's so ancient.

Me: Wow 2002? Wasn't the Internet just being born?

#gmu #rate my professor #roommate #college #2002 yo #kony #bronie #phoney #bologna #tribbiani #chocolate #french fries #star wars #jar jar binks #I wanna be Darth Vader

Me: *high-pitched voice* Do you see this bruise?

Floormate: Where?

Me: On the back of my leg - it's huge!

Floormate: Did you kick yourself in your face?

#gmu #college #roommate #face #kick boxing #work #winky face #cow #moo #chocolate #milk #dairy #queen #party #1984 #stacy #orwell

Velma: Calm down, ma'am, I don't want you to give yourself a stroke because someone on the internet made a silly joke.

#gmu #college #roommate #jokes #chicken period #husband #broccoli #rice krispie treats #blue #scooby-doo

Me: And remember, we can buy stuff.

Roommate: ...I can buy stuff too?

Me: Alcohol.

Roommate: OHHHH. Okay.

#college #roommate #water #me #wheat thins #chocolate #health #fitness #apples to apples #lampshade #panda

I love these. You guys sound like such a fun, weird, amazing group of friends.

awe, thanks. we're glad you like. We're gonna try to post more consistently but school is kicking all our butts right now. :)

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