Im Socially Awkward

Messy hair 100%

[basketballhoopshowerhead]

whats the meaning of life? son, its those little tiny pumpkins. the ones that are mad small.  you know the ones i mean. 

[byjessicaelena]

Snowdrops!

[mrbulian]

[trans-mouse]

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life

[cmyknoise]

a gem, this is a god damn gem

[thinkoutloud-ovo]

[furples]

[puppy95]

My kink: not having to set alarm for the next morning

[vanwizard]

robber: hey give me all ur money

me: how about i instead buy that gun off of u for all my money

robber: ok

robber:oh shit now ur gonna rob all ur money back

me:no im not a dick who robs people

roober: that hurt way more than any bullet would

[vintagebandpics]

[snorlaxatives]

@ the water that drips down my arms when i wash my face and makes a big ass mess: fuckin fight me

[beevean]

reasons I’m still on this hellsite:

1) nowhere else I could find posts this specifically relatable

[nofaddano-deactivated20150903]

[battlepope]

Take me to this gathering

[rustygirlriding]

Anxiety: THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!!

Me: What is too much?

Anxiety: THIS

Me: I am literally sitting at home doing nothing. My only obligation this evening is to take out the trash. Work went well today. What exactly is the problem????

Anxiety: EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE

Me: But nothing is happening?

Anxiety: TOO MUCH

[meanplastic]

[draumboosky]

I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom

[draumboosky]

My dick has been on fire for over an hour

[draumboosky]

I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”

[draumboosky]

He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.

[draumboosky]

She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.

[draumboosky]

So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.

[draumboosky]

She fucking CUMS

[draumboosky]

And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me

“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”

And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

[deicide4122]

Yes good story but WHY IS IT IN LIKE 8 DIFFERENT PARTS DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE.

ITS THIS. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS.

[draumboosky]

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF

[afroclusterfunk]

its serialized. he’s a modern day dickens

[forgottenships]

[thornhillindustries]

[teachagainstfascism]

remember when Andy scored among the highest ever on the aptitude test for becoming a police officer but then was denied because the interview showed that he was too kind and trusting and empathetic to be a cop

[atthepriceofoblivion]

Build-a-Bear Employee: please,,, I can’t fit any more stuffing into this pikachu

Me: You fool….. Make Him Fatter

[aggressionbread]

Dark Shoutout to Michael’s the craft store for not letting me use their  55% of coupon on coloring books

[aggressionbread]

i forgot the word “callout”