THIS IS NOT A TEST @hatchethawked - Tumblr Blog

Posts

multimuse by quin. technically multifandom but heavily hatchetfield universe oriented. 28, he/him, nz. this is now my only rp blog, my spam musings/aesthetic sideblog is @n1ghthawks , feel free to reblog from there as much as you want.

muse list & rules. prompts. wishlist.

@gloomtovvn, casimir: “When is the last time you ate?”

concern for her wellbeing is something cassie is still getting used to. casper has always cared, but that was casper. they were practically joined at the hip, he had no choice but to care. but a parental figure caring, a parental figure even existing, that was new. obviously casimir has always been in her life, but in the whirlwind of growing up on a stage she hadn't exactly interacted with him in meaningful ways until everything went down. he had tried, he'd done a good job all things considered, but she had been in her own little bubble, a cassandra michaels bubble. it had never been cassie's choice, nothing ever really was. casimir and cassius had both slipped away, falling out of cassandra's favor and thus out of cassie's social circle. there were moments, brief but potent, after her time at correctional school where she craved desperately the care and comradery that came from her brothers, a love and understanding that came without prerequisites, without conditions. the kind of love one should attain from a parent, but that cassie had always turned to her brothers for, to varying degrees of success. even when she hadn't offered him a thing, casimir had always been by her side. with age he no doubt learned not to take it personally, instead making note of the way every movement, every word, every tone used, had been a mirror of her mother. never intentionally, moments where cassie had been caught off guard had formed some of her fondest memories with her brothers, her deepest connections with casimir coming from moments where pageantry and performing were out of mind. but she had always been on far more than she'd been off, and no matter how many years he'd spent trying to get through to her, only recent losses have begun to truly crack her porcelain shell.

he must've asked her that a million times throughout their lives. echoed by every boy in the house, shrugged off without a real answer. caspian had always been skilled at diversion, at confusion, at moving a conversation along quick enough to fool someone into forgetting their concern. charm used as a weapon, though it only ever hurt herself. its all coming back to bite her now. caught in the throws of grief, she seems to have half forgotten how to perform. the one feeding her a script (and nothing else) was gone, leaving cassie alone to answer every prompt thrown her way. the bellevues have been sweet, have saved them from the worst outcomes, but they have only left cassie in a state of constant bewilderment. why is everyone always concerned about her? why is everyone tracking what she does, what she eats? and that nagging, gnawing thought in the back of her mind: when will they send her away? when will her answers finally be wrong enough that she returns to the hell she always goes back to? her greatest enemy is gone, but cassie still believes her parents to have been on her side, to have truly loved and cared for her. she has not yet realized that love does not involve midnight kidnappings and being whisked away to the wilderness to repent for nonexistent sins. she has not yet realized that to be loved is to be kept, to be cared for, and to be fed.

"why does everyone keep asking me that?" but its obvious to see, even if they hadn't all seen her worst before. frail skin pulled taut over her bones, clothes fitting a little looser than they should, paranoia and anxiety palpable any time she enters a room. they'll catch her moving as if she's on stage, effort made to uphold the perfect posture, the smiles she gives all too plastered on, never real. grief will do that, but it's clear that caspian is not handling this well. that's without considering the way things have shifted with casper, the reality of what he'd done hanging over their heads constantly, memories of blood flashing through her head every time she meets his gaze. she doesn't hold it against him, despite the pain it's caused. she knows casper more than she knows herself, knows that if he did it then it needed to be done. but knowing that and allowing herself to believe that are not the same thing.

"there's a lot of food in this house." it's not an answer, and she can see in his face that he doesn't accept it as one. its an observation, it's almost a question. they'd never had this much food in their house, and it wasn't as if they couldn't afford it. she doesn't know what to do with the food here, how to approach it. everyone keeps offering her snacks, tells her to take what she wants. nobody counts the calories, nobody controls the portions. she's free to pick whatever she wants, whenever she wants. and yet she wont. she picks nothing, she settles in the familiar feeling of hunger. adds it to the pile of guilt and fear and shame that resides within her, keeps it close as if it's a core piece of who she is. "its good for casper, his blood sugar." deflecting, though she means it. being able to keep him safe and alive is the most important thing in her life right now. it always has been. its easier to do here, not that she's let herself question why.

she looks at him intently, trying to figure him out, trying to work out his motives. as if her brother would have some nefarious plan, as if something has to be wrong here. everything has been too calm, too settled. it's all just a little too wrong. with her parents she'd learned to read their every breath, to understand what even the slightest look means. she can't read him like that, she'd never learned to. had never been scared of him the way she was of them. it leaves her even more anxious, as if backed into a corner. she doesn't know how to talk her way out of a situation where the other person genuinely cares for her, knows her as well as he does. "you dont need to worry about me." but they both know thats not true.

#oops i went insane and this got long #its a lot of words for not saying a lot i think sdjkfsd but They #im not proofreading this if it doesnt make sense try 2 just feel out the vibes #gloomtovvn #eating disorder cw #answered.#answered prompts.#cassie: in character.

stiwfssr

#ted: desires.#dyn. ted & wilbur | wileytm.#kurt: desires.#liam: desires.#dont look at me #marvel: desires.#jason: desires.#levi: desires.#vinnie: desires.#nick: desires.#peter: desires.#agent mega: desires.#we dont need to talk about it. i could tag more people

just woke up to the news ab anthony head im devastated

#giles has always been so special 2 me

halcyoncyrus

give it up for ted being pathetic

#ted: visage.#hes sooooo #tgwdlmr spoilers #the couch was a good addition his lounging is important 2 me

niallhoranhasthat1thing

Sabrina Carpenter

The Short Report With Sabrina Carpenter | Vogue

#oh cassie w her glasses on..... rare rare sight most of the time she is going in blind fr #queen of losing her contact lenses #cassie: visage.

thebarksy

Samantha Barks as: Éponine in Les Misérables 2012, dir. Tom Hooper

“[She had] the form of an unripe young girl and the look of a corrupted old woman; fifty years joined with fifteen.”

#éponine: visage.#she on the brain

cassie vegetarian trait except much like every other trait she has it is faye dependent. cassie lifelong vegetarian opposed to eating meat but doing it bc faye tells her? probably very likely

#sweet baby angel. i love her and her easily manipulated ways #cassie and having strong moral and emotional positions on things that r thrown out the window constantly bc of faye #cassie who will parrot fayes feelings on things even if she does not believe it herself #bc keeping faye around and staying on her good side is more important than her own sense of self god #babygirl. stand up