There was that look in Hayden’s eyes that only other young adults with dead dads had when she talked about losing her father. Hayden got in. Hayden knew what it was like to watch, smell, see his father dying. A single tear rolled down Sam’s face, the skin around her mouth pulling tight. She was clenching her jaw slightly, and trying to keep it together, especially as he told her about his own lost, about how in a matter of minutes, his whole life had went up in flames, and everything had changed. And Sam knew how scary change could be, because she was always changing.
She wasn’t the same girl that she was at fourteen when her father had died. Nor was she the girl that moved all the way out to San Francisco on her own to go to school at only eighteen. Nor was she the girl that she was a year ago, in the middle of one of the most turbulent relationships of her life with a guy she love-hate-loved in a viscous cycle. Sam could only be who she was in a moment. And right now, she was a girl that needed another beer, and the big guy’s arm around her. Maybe he was repulsed, having seen her devour the meal that he had effortlessly prepared.
“I know it’s not the same,” Sam murmured softly, peeling the label off of her bottle of beer, “but I know exactly what it was like being… the weird kid.” Stealing a glance at Hayden, she spoke again, “I meant it when I said I would have been friends with you when we were younger. I can just… tell, because you have a good soul. You don’t seem to be the judgmental type at all. Like… there’s this purity in your eyes, and I… just.. can’t shake it.” The admission might have been a little too much, she was flustered slightly by her own words.
Sam nodded, eyes bright as she agreed. “Let’s make a connection,” the girl breathed as she successfully got off the beer label in one pull. Slowly, she began to fold it, leaning over the table. If this wasn’t her first time here, she’d be getting up, taking the dishes in to the sink, and doing them, before returning with beers, but she didn’t want to overstep her welcome. Sam was new here. Hayden and her barely knew each other, but she was beginning for cosmic strings to pull them tautly together and for some type of bond to form, beyond just their shared trauma.
“That’s the one thing I really miss about Texas is the night sky,” she admitted. Her hands continued working until a teeny, tiny crane was beginning to form. “I would lay on my back on the roof and just watch the sky and I’d imagine what if I could just float up there, through the cosmos and into nothing. And then, there, out there in the vacant space of nowhere, I could be infinite. I was sick of being made of Earth, but I guess that’s just… dysphoria,” Sam chuckled, placing the tiny crane in front of Hayden.
“If only right?” He chuckles a little, feeling as though they very well might have been friends had their paths aligned sooner in life; yet now he’d never know and could only hold her at her word. “I wouldn’t call it purity, I can attest that I’m far from pure; but I can admit that there’s very little I’ll judge a person for save for the truly immoralities that are pretty bad if acted upon.” The references to the types of things that cause kneejerk reactions in most people; those sorts of things were involuntary as they generally are disgusting acts, of which should be judged harshly. Whereas all other things matter very little outside being a good person and caring regardless of what has happened.
“I think at this point, I’m fairly invested in getting to know you. It’s not often these blind date things turn out as a decent match.” Hayden mused as they were fairly lucky to have experiences and thing in common; even if they were morbid in some ways, there was a link they had. Beyond that though Hayden was sure no matter how things panned out, that Sam would become a mainstay in his life; she was too interesting not to be. “I’ve been back to Vancouver a few times to visit my Ma’s family and it’s a whole different beast to be in the mountains away for the civilization.” He agrees.
“It’s kind of why I like being in the forest or in the garden. It feels natural. I don’t need to perform or act any way for anything because the plant life is happy for water and sunlight.” There’s a small pause as he takes the tiny crane into his palm; thing small construct dwarfed in his hand as he smiles. “I hope one day you feel infinite on earth, cause I know that we can be anything we want to be here; though it’s a lot of letting go other’s concerns and freeing our minds to do that.” He’s loosely quoting his therapist from years ago now, though the sentiment applied here.
“What do you do for fun?” Hayden asks, the last word lingering in his mouth for a moment as he puts the crane on the table and pulls up Vulcan; who quickly nuzzles into the crook of his neck with a exasperated huff... as if telling them it’s about time he got to snuggle. “I’ve got a lot of weird musings that a lot of people get weirded out by; for example... I only listen to classical music. Yeah no lyrics, just great symphonies of instruments and the great composers of old. It’s so soothing.” The smith shared, feeling that the swell and dips and adventures each piece took you on was a greater journey than words could convey, as their meaning was all up front and with classical the depth was unbound to understanding of phases and words. Limitless.
