Does anyone remember a post circulating back in April about an LGBTQ bookstore in Ann Arbor? They posted a status on Facebook about how they didnât have any books sales that day?
The post circulated tumblr for a couple of days and their Facebook page was swarmed with likes and support, suddenly they had more online orders than they ever had before. They announced that had roughly 700 online orders with only a staff of three people and a dog to fill them, and even with the deluge of orders they would still be struggling to stay open.
Unfortunately, thatâs how the story is winding up for them. They recently announced that they would be closing and I thought itâd be nice to send them off with one last hoorah!
If you have the available funds, then maybe consider helping them out. Hereâs a link to their website. It may not be a great start to the New Year, but it may make it easier for them,
you can do this. stop sabotaging yourself and your dreams. there will be risks, there will be stress, but go on and actually pursue what you want to do. you will not regret having tried, all things considered. self-doubt can destroy so much of your life. donât let it, please.Â
24 Invaluable Skills To Learn For Free Online This Year
Hereâs an easy resolution: This stuff is all free as long as you have access to a computer, and the skills you learn will be invaluable in your career, and/or life in general.Â
1. Become awesome at Excel.
Chandoo is one of many gracious Excel experts who wants to share their knowledge with the world. Excel excellence is one of those skills that will improve your chances of getting a good job instantly, and it will continue to prove invaluable over the course of your career. What are you waiting for?
2. Learn how to code.
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Perhaps no other skill you can learn for free online has as much potential to lead to a lucrative career. Want to build a site for your startup? Want to build the next big app? Want to get hired at a place like BuzzFeed? You should learn to code. There are a lot of places that offer free or cheap online coding tutorials, but I recommend Code Academy for their breadth and innovative program. If you want to try a more traditional route, Harvard offers its excellent Introduction to Computer Science course online for free.
3. Make a dynamic website.
You could use a pre-existing template or blogging service, or you could learn Ruby on Rails and probably change your life forever. Hereâs an extremely helpful long list of free Ruby learning tools that includes everything from Rails for Zombies to Learn Ruby The Hard Way. Go! Ruby! Some basic programming experience, like one of the courses above, might be helpful (but not necessarily required if youâre patient with yourself).
4. Learn to make a mobile game.
If youâre not interested in coding anything other than fun game apps, you could trythis course from the University of Reading. It promises to teach you how to build a game in Java, even if you donât have programming experience! If you want to make a truly great game, you might want to read/listen up on Game Theory first.
5. Start reading faster.
Spreeder is a free online program that will improve your reading skill and comprehension no matter how old you are. With enough practice, you could learn to double, triple, or even quadruple the speed at which you read passages currently, which is basically like adding years to your life.
6. Learn a language!
With Duolingo, you can learn Spanish, French, Portuguese, Italian, or English (from any of the above or more). Thereâs a mobile app and a website, and the extensive courses are completely free.
Full disclosure: BuzzFeed and other websites are in a partnership with DuoLingo, but they did not pay or ask for this placement.
7. Pickle your own vegetables.
Tired of your farmerâs market haul going bad before you use it all? Or do you just love tangy pickled veggies? You too can pickle like a pro thanks to SkillShare and Travis Grillo.
8. Improve your public speaking skills.
You can take the University of Washingtonâs Intro to Public Speaking for free online. Once you learn a few tricks of the trade, youâll be able to go into situations like being asked to present at a company meeting or giving a presentation in class without nearly as much fear and loathing.
9. Get a basic handle of statistics.
UC Berkeley put a stats intro class on iTunes. Once you know how to understand the numbers yourself, youâll never read a biased ânewsâ article the same way again â 100% of authors of this post agree!
10. Understand basic psychology.
Knowing the basics of psych will bring context to your understanding of yourself, the dynamics of your family and friendships, whatâs really going on with your coworkers, and the woes and wonders of society in general. Yale University has its Intro to Psychology lectures online for free.
11. Make your own music.
Step one: Learn how to play guitar: Justin Guitar is a fine and free place to start learning chords and the basic skills youâll need to be able to play guitar â from there, itâs up to you, but once you know the basics, just looking up tabs for your favorite songs and learning them on your own is how many young guitar players get their start (plus itâs an excellent party trick).
Step two: A delightful free voice lesson from Berklee College Of Music.
Step three: Have you always thought you had an inner TSwift? Berklee College of Music offers an Introduction to Songwriting course completely for free online. The course is six weeks long, and by the end of the lesson youâll have at least one completed song.
Step four: Lifehackerâs basics of music production will help you put it all together once you have the skills down! Youâll be recording your own music, ready to share with your valentine or the entire world, in no time!
12. Learn to negotiate.
Let Stanfordâs Stan Christensen explain how to negotiate in business and your personal life, managing relationships for your personal gain and not letting yourself be steamrolled. There are a lot of football metaphors and itâs great.
13. Stop hating math.
If you struggled with math throughout school and now have trouble applying it in real-world situations when it crops up, try Saylor.orgâs Real World Math course. It will reteach you basic math skills as they apply IRL. Very helpful!
14. Start drawing!
All kids draw â so why do we become so afraid of it as adults? Everyone should feel comfortable with a sketchbook and pencil, and sketching is a wonderful way to express your creativity. DrawSpace is a great place to start. (I also highly recommend the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain if you can drop a few dollars for a used copy.)
15. Make your own animated GIF.
BuzzFeedâs own Katie Notopoulos has a great, simple guide to making an animated GIF without Photoshop. This is all you need to be the king or queen of Tumblr or your favorite email chains.
16. Appreciate jazz.
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Have you never really âgottenâ jazz? If you want to be able to participate in conversations at fancy parties and/or just add some context to your appreciation of all music, try this free online course from UT Austin.
17. Write well.
Macalester Collegeâs lecture series is excellent. If youâre more interested in journalism, try Wikiversityâs course selection.
18. Get better at using Photoshop.
Another invaluable skill that will get you places in your career, learning Photoshop can be as fun as watching the hilarious videos on You Suck At Photoshop or as serious as this extensive Udemy training course (focused on photo retouching).
19. Take decent pictures.
Lifehackerâs basics of photography might be a good place to start. Learn how your camera works, the basic of composition, and editing images in post-production. If you finish that and youâre not sure what to do next, hereâs a short course on displaying and sharing your digital photographs.
20. Learn to knit.
Instructables has a great course by a woman who is herself an online-taught knitter. Youâll be making baby hats and cute scarves before this winterâs over!
21. Get started with investing in stocks.
If you are lucky enough to have a regular income, you should start learning about savings and investment now. Investopedia has a ton of online resources, including this free stocks basics course. Invest away!
22. Clean your house in a short amount of time.
Unf$#k Your Habitat has a great emergency cleaning guide for when your mother-in-law springs a surprise visit on you. While youâre over there, the entire blog is good for getting organized and clean in the long term, not just in âemergencies.â Youâll be happier for it.
23. Start practicing yoga.
Most cities have free community classes (try just searching Google or inquiring at your local yoga studio), or if youâre more comfortable trying yoga at home, YogaGlohas a great 15-day trial and Yome is a compendium of 100% free yoga videos. If youâre already familiar with basic yoga positions but you need an easy way to practice at home, I recommend YogaTailorâs free trial as well.
24. Tie your shoelaces more efficiently.
Itâs simple and just imagine the minutes of your life youâll save!
Yes itâs a real service. I do volunteer work for a rape crisis support service in my city and texting is one of the features we provide as well. But just to boost its credibility, I tried it myself:
Iâm real sick of seeing people do this to their animals. First off, she bought that fox, she didnât adopt it as she has said on her (now private) Instagram. This poor thing is malnourished. She claims it has an allergy, but this fox is not getting the nutrition it needs. It needs meat!
If you want a vegan pet, get a rabbit. You should never force your lifestyle on an animal. They know what theyâre doing in the wild. Youâre not going to see a wolf, fox, lion, tiger, or any other carnivore going out looking for berries and leaves, unless theyâre absolutely starving. Itâs perfectly fine to be vegan, but this is not okay. Itâs downright abuse! Stop hurting your pets, asshole!
holy shit seeing the âbeforeâ picture literally made my heart hurt. that poor thing. you can tell heâs malnourished. sheâs literally killing him and doesnât give a shit.
Also, I HIGHLY encourge everyone to REBLOG, not just âlike.â This needs to get around. No, I donât want her harmed, threatened, or anything of the sort, but I want that poor thing SAFE.
I was gonna make a post about this but I lost the FB page.
Hereâs a nice example of a carnivore being fed a vegan diet. Ami Cat is probably the most popular vegan cat food, vegans also feed it to ferrets sadly.
ALSO donât forget how â"animal loversââ love to lie about rescuing every animal they get.
Youâd think someone with hardline vegan personal ethics would never purchase a difficult wild exotic from a breeder ever in the first place. It feels so backwards that sheâs against giving a carnivorous wild animal a proper diet but not against breeding and selling carnivorous wild animals in the first place.
Sheâs clearly not in it for the well being of animals, but for a twisted ego trip. I hope that poor animal makes it into more capable hands.
The post is to spread awareness. The more people who know, the more people there are to make a report so the authorities actually take the complaints seriously.
If you read anything in the post, youâd see this is in Spain, it has been reported, and nothing has yet been done, so sharing it on a widely known platform to get others actually helps.
I called. Did you? Or are you just bitching to bitch?
Alone in a foreign country, I had to plan my escape on my own.
I was 6 years old when my two older sisters went to Palestine to âvisit family.â At least thatâs what my mom told me.
I was born in Chicago, like my sisters, but our parents are Palestinian, born in Jerusalem. I was four-months-old when our father died â he worked at a gas station and was shot during a robbery. After that, the four of us moved into the basement apartment of my momâs motherâs house, where my sisters and I shared a room.
I worshipped my oldest sister growing up. She was rebellious and loved pop music and makeup, which my grandmother and mother couldnât stand. We were raised Muslim, and while my mom didnât make us wear hijabs â headscarves â to school, we did when we went to mosque on the high holidays. Every other day, we wore long-sleeve shirts and pants or knee-length skirts.
I donât have too many memories of my sisters, but I do remember how much my oldest sister loved Usher. She was 13 and sheâd sing along to his music on the radio in our room. She bought a poster of him, shirtless, and pinned it to the wall next to our bed.
He didnât last long. My grandmother saw the poster one day and ripped it off the wall. She was screaming at my sister, and my sister yelled right back â she was feisty! But it didnât matter; Usher was gone. And a year later, so were my sisters.
My mom said they were âgoing on a tripâ to Palestine, but even as a 6-year-old, Iâd heard rumors about a diary entry. Something about my sister kissing a boy behind a tree, or writing that she wanted to. I remember large suitcases and both of my sisters weeping as we said goodbye. I cried too, but I was more mad at them for leaving me. Who would I listen to the radio with late at night?
Still, I assumed they were coming back. So when my mother told me that they wanted to stay in Palestine, I got really upset. I missed them so much.
The only time I got to see my friends was at school.
In 8th grade, our class took a field trip to tour the high school. No one wore uniforms, like we did in middle school! I could even wear my skinny jeans there. Yep, as strict as my mom was, she did buy me skinny jeans that were super popular then. I remember being in the store and pointing them out and being stunned when she nodded yes, then paid for three pairs at the register. They were the only things I owned that made me feel like a normal kid.
But right before middle school graduation, I came home from school one afternoon to find my mother and grandmother rummaging through my closet.
âWhat are you doing?â I asked.
My mother was holding a garbage bag and my grandmother had scissors. They were cutting my skinny jeans into pieces and throwing them away.
I was so confused â sheâd bought them for me! When I asked my mom why, she said, âTheyâre inappropriate and revealing. Youâre too old to dress like this now!â
I was furious. All I had left were one pair of baggy jeans, which I hated. For the first time in middle school, I was relieved to have a uniform.
As soon as I graduated 8th grade, I started pestering my mom about enrolling me in high school. Every time I asked if sheâd done it, sheâd say, âNot yet.â In July, she said, âIâm signing you up for an all girlsâ school.â But there was a wait list, so then it was going to be online school. I even did my own research and had pamphlets sent to the house, but nothing happened.
By September, all of my friends had started school but me. I woke up every day at 10am and watched TV, cleaned the house, and helped make dinner. I was beyond bored. Meanwhile my mom loved having me around. She didnât work, and always said that it was important for me to learn how to be a good housewife. I cringed every time she said that â that was the last thing I wanted to be.
In fact, I really wanted a job, even if it was just working at my step-dadâs gas station. Anything to get out of the house. I even asked my step-dad if I could get a workersâ permit, which you can get at 15 in Chicago, and he said, âSure!â But just like with high school, nothing ever happened. It was another empty promise.
My laptop was my refuge.
Facebook was the only way for me to stay in touch with my friends. I made up a random name that my parents could never guess and chatted with friends throughout the day. If my mom walked into the room, Iâd switch the screen to a video game. She had no idea. Earlier that year, when I told friends why I wasnât in school, more than one told me, âThatâs illegal!â I kind of knew I had the legal right to be in school, but wasnât sure who to tell. My parents didnât care â itâs what they wanted!
A year passed, and the following summer, I was chatting on Facebook with a guy I knew from middle school.
When he wrote, âWant to go to Chipotle this Friday?â my heart skipped a beat.
I was super excited and typed back, âSure.â
I told my parents that I was going to see my 24-year-old cousin. She was the only person I was ever allowed to visit. Sheâs also incredibly cool and promised to cover for me. I met her at her house, and then she dropped me off at the mall and told me to have a great time.
I did! He was cute, and super nice. I told him that my parents were strict and didnât even know where I was. He was like, âNo worries!â
It was the most fun Iâd had in over a year. At the end of our date, I told him that Iâd be in touch over Facebook, and floated home.
The next night, I was in the living room watching TV when the doorbell rang. My mom answered, and I heard his voice ask, âIs Yasmine home?â
I froze.
My mother started screaming, âWho are you and why are you at this house?â
He said, âIâm Yasmineâs boyfriend.â
I could see him standing in front of my mom, her back to me, and was trying to wave to him, like, âGo away! This is a terrible idea!â
She threatened to call the police, slammed the door, and then screamed at me: âGo to your room. Youâre grounded!â
The next day, my mom went grocery shopping without me and locked the glass storm door from the outside, which meant I was trapped. For the next two weeks, I was literally kept under lock and key when she left.
And then one day, my mother said, âPack your bags. Weâre going to Palestine to visit your sisters.â
Iâd only been there once when I was 10; I donât even remember seeing my sisters then â all I remember is that it was dusty and dry. No green at all. I hated it. Plus, I speak only very basic Arabic, which is what they speak there.
I was dreading the trip. Saying goodbye to my little sister was painful â she was 8 by then. She was the only other person who knew, besides my cousin, about my date. I fought back tears and promised Iâd be back soon.
My mom said weâd be gone for a month, but I didnât trust her. On the way to the airport, I asked to see my return ticket. I wanted proof that it existed. She was indignant as she showed me the ticket, but it made me feel better.
My mother and grandmother and I landed in Tel Aviv, which was as hot and dusty as I remembered. I felt claustrophobic in the cab, which we took to Ramallah, the Palestinian capital. My grandmother has a house there, and both of my sisters lived nearby.
I was so angry about being there that I wasnât even excited to see my sisters. I couldnât believe that theyâd left me all those years before. Now, they were both married with kids. But by the end of that first evening, I relaxed with them. I even told them what happened with my Chipotle date, and they started teasing me, like, âYouâre such an idiot! With a white guy? Really?â
They thought that if heâd been Muslim, I wouldnât have gotten into so much trouble. I wasnât so sure, but it still felt good to laugh with them about it.
About two weeks into our stay, my sisters sat me down and started doing my hair and makeup. I was never allowed to wear makeup at home, so I thought it was cool. When I asked why, they said they wanted me to meet a friend of theirs.
Their friend was in his twenties but still lived with his mom, which my sister called âa problem.â I didnât understand what she meant by that.
He arrived with his mom and uncle and started speaking to me in Arabic. I barely understood anything except for his asking me how old I was.
I said, âIâm 15. I just finished 8th grade.â
He looked perplexed. So was I.
After he left, I asked my sisters what the meeting was about. They explained that the way to meet suitors is through families. When a family thinks a girl is ready to be married â usually sheâs part of that decision â they pass word along to other families that theyâre looking for a husband. The couple then meets through the parents, and if it is a good match, an arrangement is made.
A week passed, and once again my sisters sat me down and started putting makeup on me. They said that another guy was coming to meet me. When I asked, âWho?â
They said, âDonât worry about it. Just have fun.â
The doorbell rang and in walked a guy with his parents. Iâm 5'8" and he was 5'4", nine years older, and missing half of his front left tooth. Everyone seemed very eager. I was repulsed.
I sat stone-faced the entire time they were there. As soon as he and his family left, my mom and grandmother said that they thought I should marry him. They said, âHe has a job and a house.â Thatâs all it took.
I was furious. By then, I realized that theyâd brought me to Palestine to get married and planned to leave me there. Instead of berating them, I immediately started thinking of ways to return home on my own. I had watched SVU. I knew this was totally illegal. I just needed to figure out a way to reach a detective in Illinois who could help me escape.
I also knew then that I couldnât trust my sisters â anytime I complained to them, theyâd just say, âItâs not so bad! Youâll learn to love him!â
He and I met two more times that week and each time, I hoped heâd figure out that I was being coerced. But then, during that third visit, all the men went into one room while the women stayed in another.
My sister, mother, and grandmother were chatting with his mother and sisters when I heard the men read the engagement passage from the Koran, which announces a marriage.
Startled, I said to my sisters, âWhat are they doing?â
My oldest sister said, âTheyâre reading the passage.â
I shouted, âNo!â and fought back tears.
My worst nightmare was becoming a terrifying reality. I ran into the bathroom, curled into a ball, and dissolved into tears. How could my family do this to me? I thought about running away, but how? My mother had my passport. I had no money. I was stuck. I started thinking about different ways to die. Anything was better than this.
After his family left, I could no longer contain my rage at my mother. âHow could you do this to me? I am your daughter!â I shouted. Tears were streaming down my face. I could see my mom was upset, too â she was crying, shaking her head. I think she felt bad about it, but she also felt like it was the best option. I felt so betrayed.
And just then, my grandmother marched into the room and slapped me. âDonât disrespect your mother!â she said, before turning to my mother and saying, âSee? She needs this. How else will she learn to be respectful?â
Thatâs when I learned that my grandmother had set the whole thing up. Sheâd met this manâs family at a mall the same week I met him! His parents owned a restaurant and spotted us shopping. They approached her to see if I was an eligible bride for their son. She told them yes, but that I had to be married before she flew back to the States. He had no other prospects, so they were excited I was one.
I never liked my grandmother, but I didnât hate her until that moment.
The wedding was planned for September 30th, a week and a half away. I was still desperately trying to figure a way out of it. I told my mom, âIâll find a way to leave.â She replied, âEither you marry him or someone way older who wonât be as nice.â
My sisters said the same. âYouâre lucky.â As much as I dreaded what was happening, they made the alternative sound even worse.
A few days before the wedding, my oldest sister finally revealed that she was also married against her will. âI was kicking and screaming the whole way,â she told me. âBut I learned to love him. You will too.â
I donât remember the ceremony â everything is such a blur â but I do remember pulling away when he tried to kiss my cheek and my mother hissing, âKiss his cheek!â I refused.
At the end of the wedding party, both of my sisters were so excited about my first night with him. They even said, âText us afterwards!â
I hated them.
The first night was awful. The only thing Iâm thankful for is that my husband was not a violent or aggressive man. It could have been so much worse. I get terrible migraine headaches brought on by stress, and I used them to my advantage in the weeks that followed.
He took that first week off of work and we spent most of it with his family. I did the best I could to tolerate being around him and his family while I tried to figure a way out of this mess. To do that, I needed to get on the internet.
When he went back to his job as a mechanic, heâd be gone by 9am. Iâd get up, have breakfast and go to his momâs house to help her clean and make dinner. She had a computer, so one day, I asked if I could use it to talk to my mother and she agreed. Instead, I logged onto Facebook and messaged a friend from 3rd grade and told her where I was and what had happened.
She wrote back immediately, âThatâs illegal!â
Once again, I knew that, but I didnât know what to do.
I had another friend I met through Facebook who lived in Texas. He was Muslim. I told him what happened, and he wrote, âYou need to call the embassy!â He even sent the number.
My heart was pounding as I wrote it in a piece of paper and shoved it into my pocket.
On October 14th, I was in our apartment in the afternoon when I finally worked up the nerve to call. I used the Nokia flip phone my husband gave me to talk to him and my sisters.
An American-sounding man answered the phone and I blurted, âIâm a U.S. citizen. My parents brought me here against my will to marry a man. I want to go home.â
After a moment of silence, he said, âWow, this is a first. Hold for a moment.â He connected me to a man named Mohammed, who asked me for my parentsâ names and address in the states.
I gave him all the proof I could think of that I was a US citizen. I didnât know my social security number and didnât have my passport. He said that was okay, but he needed proof that I was actually married. He asked for the marriage certificate. I had no idea where it was. Then he asked me for my husbandâs last name, and I realized, I had no idea what that was either.
Mohammed told me heâd be in touch once he verified all my information. He called me several times over the next two months. During that time, I learned my husbandâs last name, which was legally mine as well.
As I waited for news, I got lots of migraines.
On December 3rd, Mohammed called with the number for a taxi service and the address of a hotel. He told me to be there the next morning at 11am.
The next morning, I waited for my husband to leave and shoved all of my belongings â including the traditional wedding gold my husbandâs family gave me â into my suitcase and called the number. Thatâs when I realized that I didnât even know my address. I told the driver the name of the closest big store and then stayed on the phone with him, telling him when to turn right or left. He still couldnât find me, so I ran down to the main street to flag him down praying no one would see me.
I held my breath for the entire 30-minute ride to the hotel. There, in the parking lot, I spotted a blond woman sitting with a guy in a black van.
âAre you with the US embassy?â I asked.
They said yes, and then she patted me down, explaining it was for security purposes, to make sure I was not strapped with any bombs.
I said, âDo whatever you need to do!â I didnât care â I was so close to freedom.
When they put me in the back seat, I pulled off my headscarf and fought back happy tears: There, with these two strangers, I felt safe for the first time in forever.
We went to the US Embassy in Jerusalem where I spent the day filling out paperwork in order to enter into the foster care system back in the States. I had no idea what that meant other than from this one cartoon show called Foster Home for Imaginary Friends, but agreeing to enter foster care wasnât hard â at least it was a new start.
That night, a diplomat accompanied me to the airport with two bodyguards, and I was placed on a plane to Philadelphia.
On my next flight, I flew from Philadelphia to Chicago O'Hare and sat next to a 20-something guy on his way to his friendâs bachelor party who asked me how old I was.
I said, â15.â
He said, âYouâre too young to be on a plane by yourself!â
If he only knew.
At O'Hare, I had twenty minutes to kill before I was supposed to meet two state officials in the food court, so I went to a computer terminal and logged onto Facebook. I had two accounts at the time: one for friends and one for family. I wanted to see what my family was saying.
A three-page letter from my second oldest sister was the first thing I read. She said she never wanted to see me again, that she hated me, and that if anyone asked her how many sisters she had, sheâd say two instead of three. I was devastated.
Then I read a group chat between my two sisters, my mom, and my momâs sister.
It started, âYasmine ran away.â âWhat? Where?â And then someone wrote, âSheâs ruining our reputation!â Not one of them wondered if I was okay.
My aunt asked if I had taken my gold. When my sister said yes, my aunt replied, âShe could have gotten kidnapped or robbed!â
That was the only mention of concern for my wellbeing.
As painful as it was to read those words, it made me realize that I had made the right choice.
The people I then met in the airport food court introduced me to a woman from Illinoisâ Child Protective Services, who took me under her wing. It was 11am, 24 hours after I ran for my life into the streets of Ramallah to escape my forced marriage.
I first moved in with a woman who fostered several kids, and stayed there for six months. It wasnât ideal â she was very religious and made us go to her Baptist church with her on Saturday and Sunday. But it was still better than what Iâd left. This was confirmed when I had to face my mother in court to establish that I should remain a ward of the state, which is what they call kids whose parents arenât fit to take care of them.
The first court date was two weeks after I arrived. When I saw my mom, I froze. She was sitting in the waiting room and refused to acknowledge me. She didnât make eye contact; it was as if I didnât exist. I felt an awful mix of hurt and rage.
A few months later, I had to testify in a courtroom. My mom was there with her lawyer. He showed photos from my wedding and said, âYou look happy! And your mom said that you wanted to be married.â
I had to explain to a room full of strangers that I was faking that smile to survive and that my mom knew the entire time that I didnât want to marry that man. On the stand, I said, âMy mom is lying.â That was so painful to have to say â I wept in front of everyone. All the feelings Iâd kept inside just poured out.
After that hearing, I officially became a ward of the state of Illinois.
By then, Iâd already started ninth grade. I didnât like my foster mom much. I stopped going to church on the weekends, but she wouldnât let me or my foster brother stay in the house alone so we were locked out until she got home every weekend and weekdays too. It was hard in the Chicago winter, but the agency didnât think I was in immediate danger, so I stayed put. Teens are hard to place.
By January 2014, at 16-years-old, Iâd been in and out of three foster homes. My strategy was just to survive foster care until I was 18, when I would finally be on my own. So when a couple called Carrie and Marvin came to meet me one weekend, I didnât hold out any hope.
Carrie and Marvin had two biological teenagers, both with developmental delays. They understood kids and were super warm, but it still took me a while to open up. I really wanted to make it to 18 living with them, but I never dreamed what actually happened next.
When I hit my one-year anniversary with them, they asked me if I wanted to be adopted. I was shocked! I figured Iâd leave at 18 and just be on my own â I never thought there was an alternative. But they told me that they wanted me around forever. I cannot tell you how good that felt â to be wanted, by an actual family. I said yes.
No more waking up at 6am to someone saying, âPack your bags â youâre out!â For the first time in my life, I could put things up in my room and it was okay. It was the first time since being in that van with the people from the embassy that I felt safe.
I saw my mother one last time in court, at the final termination of parental rights. Carrie had asked her for childhood photos of me, and amazingly, my mom handed them to me there.
It was a cold exchange. She was expressionless. At first, I was insulted. It all seemed so easy, her giving me up. But it was really nice to get the photos. She didnât have to do that.
Now Carrie has them around the house. It makes me feel like Iâm really part of her family, like Iâm her kid.
I finally reconnected on Facebook with my sister a few months ago, the one whoâd said she hated me. She admitted that she wished sheâd had the nerve to do what I had done. Now I understand why she was so upset: I got away. She didnât.
I just graduated from high school â the first in my biological family to do so! In September, Iâm going to Illinois State University and just learned that I won a full scholarship, which means my tuition will be waived for the next five years. I plan to study mass communications, and may want to do something with computers, considering they are literally what saved me.
Regardless of what I end up doing for a living, the thing that makes me the most excited is that I get to choose â what I want to wear, who I want to date, or even marry, and ultimately, who I want to be.
Since this is starting to get quite a few notes, Iâm going to signal boost some information on the subject and some organizations that do a lot of good work in this area.Â
Forced and child marriages are not limited to any single race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, or place of residence. The US is no exception: while forced marriages arenât something you think of as happening in the States, there were at least 3,000 forced and underage marriages that took place in the United States between 2009 and 2011. A national survey found that forced marriage occurs among families of a variety of religious backgrounds, including individuals from Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist, Jewish, and other faith traditions, so again, there is no singular group of people being affected by this practice. While the majority of forced marriages involve girls who are minors and older teenagers, there are a lot of women in their early and mid-20s that become victims as well; men are also victims, though in smaller numbers. One of the (many) complicating factors in the US is the presence of âparental consentâ marriage laws, which allow 15, 16, and 17-year-olds to get married with a parentâs consent; the problem being, of course, that the parents consent to the marriage but the child does not.
If you are facing the prospect of a forced marriage, suspect your family is trying to take you overseas to get married against your will, are in the process of being forcibly married off, are currently in a forced marriage, or have a friend who is in any of the aforementioned situations, here are some resources you can utilize:
Tahirih Justice Centerâs Forced Marriage Initiative: Email [email protected] with your story or call 571-282-6161 and ask for Casey or Dina; they run the Forced Marriage Initiative at Tahirih and are both professional caseworkers whose job completely revolves around helping people leave forced/underage marriages and preventing them from happening in the first place.Â
The mission of the Forced Marriage Initiative is to end forced marriage in the United States, and this is taking place in several forms: Casey and Dinaâs main objective, of course, is to directly assist victims and potential victims. However, they also run a very active education, advocacy, and legal campaign. Jeanne, who also works closely with them, does a lot of public policy work on the subject and is currently working on getting the minimum age of marriage raised to 18 in every state, while Archana does a lot on the policy and legal side of things to try and minimize the numbers of forced marriages happening in the United States.
Unchained At Last: a New Jersey-based non-profit that fights against forced and child marriage in the US. Founder and CEO Fraidy Reiss is a forced marriage survivor, and has dedicated her life to helping other people (mostly women and girls) escape forced and child marriage situations. You can fill out their form or call 908-481-HOPE.
The AHA Foundation: The Foundation deals with issues relating to female genital mutilation, honor violence, and forced marriages, though they focus on advocacy and victims in Muslim communities. Here is their Get Help page and their amazing resource directory, organized by type of service and state.
Manavi: an organization founded specifically to help South Asian women escape domestic violence, sexual violence, and forced marriages. Hereâs their Get Help page and the number of their 24-hour hotline:1-732-435-1414.
Girls Not Brides: A global partnership of over 900 civil organizations from 95 countries committed to ending child marriage. While the partnership itself is only a policy organization, they have a lot of good resources for finding assistance if you are a victim or prospective victim of forced/underage marriage.
The US Department of State has an entire page about the topic
If you are a US citizen or resident abroad, contact your local US embassy for assistance and they will help as much as they are able
Some articles discussing the problem in greater depth:
NPR: Thousands Of Young Women In U.S. Forced Into Marriage
New York Times: Americaâs Child Marriage Problem
PRI: Â The US has a forced child marriage problem, too
Thomson Reuters Foundation: Forced Marriage in America: many women donât know their rights, fear to claim them
TruthDig: Forced Marriage of Children Happens in America, Too
CBS News: The âuglyâ problem of child marriage in the US
Al Jazeera:Â âTill Death Do Us Part: The Forgotten US Victims of Forced Marriageâ
Girls Not Brides: It Does Happen âHereâ: Forced and Child Marriage in the US
PBS: Uncovering the Problem of Forced Marriage in the United States
Good Housekeeping: Child Marriage Still Happens in America
Vice News: There Are No States in the US that Outlaw Child Marriage and the accompanying in-depth video
Washington Post:Â Why can 12-year-olds still get married in the United States?
If you want to get involved in tackling this problem, each one of the organizations I listed above have amazing âGet Involvedâ pages that detail several ways to help end child and forced marriage. You can also get involved by contacting local organizations focused on helping human trafficking victims (whose clients sometimes overlap with forced marriage victims), contacting your state representatives to help get marriage laws changed, and raising awareness and educating people about the issue. You might have heard about the recent drama in Kentucky where conservatives were trying to keep a law that would bar marriage for anyone under 17 and require judicial approval for 17-year-olds to get married from going through because âparental rights.â Speak up: call representatives and get involved! You can also get involved by volunteering or interning for one of the organizations: Tahirih in particular has a great internship program that I highly recommend for anyone interested.
