HCRM Fan Nonsense @hcrm - Tumblr Blog

Everything Is Different Now (But It Kind Of Feels The Same) Part 3

Part 1 Part 2

Evan calls late on a Friday night. Tommy had just settled into bed with a crime novel he'd bought second hand when his phone screen lights up. He picks up immediately, worry gnawing at his gut.

"Hey," Evan's voice is quiet. "Sorry to call so late. I hope I didn't wake you."

"You know you didn't." Tommy has always been a night owl, usually staying up until the wee hours of the morning, especially if he didn't have a shift the next day. "What's up? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, things are great." Tommy hears rustling on the other end of the line, then the slide of Evan's back door opening and closing. "I'm taking Theo for a hike tomorrow and he asked if you could come."

"Oh."

Tommy can't say he's not surprised. Since he had come over dinner two weeks before, he and Evan had been in touch, checking in and sharing little life updates, but had been limited. Evan had has hands full juggling work and learning how to be a full time caregiver to a kid who had more energy than even he did, Tommy wasn't expecting hour long phone calls like they used to have.

"You don't have to," Evan says quickly. "I know it's last minute and you probably have plans."

"No – I mean, I don't have plans. I'd love to come."

"Yeah?" His ears are probably playing tricks on him, because Evan sounds so relieved and...hopeful?

"Sure. What time are thinking?"

They spent a long time talking, switching from the hike to how Tommy's last shift had been to how Theo's week at school was to the video rabbit hole on sea turtles Evan had fallen down during a rare moment of quiet. By the time they say their goodnights, Tommy's ear is hot from having the screen pressed to his head for so long.

Evan and Theo are already waiting in the parking lot when Tommy arrives the next morning. Theo looks as pleased as Tommy imagines any four year old would to be woken up at this early on a Saturday morning, arms crossed tightly around his chest and his lower lip jutted out. That all changes when Tommy steps out of his truck and he runs to wrap his arms around his leg.

"Hi, Theo," Tommy greets, patting his head lightly. Theo beams up at him.

"Buck says there's a waterfall. Can we find it?"

"I'm sure we can," Tommy nods. He turns his eyes to Evan. "Hey."

"Hey," Evan grins. There's a moment where it almost seems like he's going to lean forward for a quick kiss, but instead he looks down at Theo and holds out his little backpack. "You ready, kiddo?"

"Yeah, let's find the waterfall!" Theo grabs Buck's hand and tugs him toward the start of the path, and Buck laughs, allowing himself to be pulled along. Tommy falls into step next to them under the shade of the trees.

Theo is a ball of energy, excitedly pointing to the flowers and insects, asking Evan to tell him their names and if they can take pictures of them all. He's loud, especially when a flock of birds takes off when they approach their roost. He squeals with delight and grabs Tommy's hand, pointing up to the sky.

"Like you!"

He keeps his grip on Tommy for a while, his little fingers squeezing tightly around his when he gets excited. The distance doesn't seem to bother him at all, they've walked maybe a mile and a half and his engery hasn't depleted a bit

He's still babbling away when they hear the rush of water in the near distance. He looks eagerly up at Evan.

"Is that it?" Evan pulls up a map of the path on his phone and shows it to him.

"Seems like it."

"So cool!" Theo takes off, kicking up a trail of dust in his wake.

"Stay where we can see you!" Evan yells after him, shaking his head.

"Is that a good idea?" Tommy asks. Evan grins at him and shrugs.

"He's okay. I have an airtag in his backpack, just in case." It's such an Evan thing to say, Tommy can't help but laugh. Evan laughs too and they drift closer as they follow Theo up the path, their shoulders bumping occasionally with their movements.

As eager as he is, Theo doesn't go more than a few feet ahead of them, bouncing in excitment. The waterfall is small, but he's thrilled by it all the same, marveling at the little rainbows the mist creates and small creatures swimming around in the water underneath. Tommy sneaks a few pictures of him and Evan knelt down, Evan pointing out a salamander and telling Theo some facts of his own. Tommy tries teaching them both how to skip rocks across the water's surface and they laugh as each one Evan tries sinks quickly. More hikers come and go, smiling and nodding kindly as they pass or settle on the grass nearby. It hits Tommy that those people see them as another happy family enjoying a day outside, two dads and their little boy who screams in shocked wonder when a fish leaps out of the water. How much he wishes that was true.

They start their descent back to the parking lot after sharing the smorgasbord of snacks Evan had brought with them. Now that the fun part is over and the day has gotten hotter, Theo is no longer as enthusiastic about the excursion and he starts whining quietly after a few yards that he's tired, his legs hurt. Evan has both of their backpacks now, so Tommy stoops and swings him up onto his shoulders without a second thought. The smile it gains from Evan is heart breakingly beautiful and more than a little grateful.

"How's the weather up there?" Tommy asks and Theo giggles.

"Daddy says that, too."

Back in the parking lot, Theo let's Evan buckle him into his carseat with little fuss, his eyes already drooping closed as soon as he gets still.

"Thanks for coming today," Evan says when they walk around to the drivers side. "I think he had a great time."

"I did, too. Thanks for inviting me."

That same tension from a few weeks ago is back, think and magnetic between them. Evan's gaze drops to his lips for a half second, then shoots back up to his eyes.

"I...I should get him home. Let him have his nap."

"Yeah." But he still lingers. Tommy huffs out a laugh and pulls him into a hug. "Drive safe."

"You, too," Evan says into his neck. "We'll see you soon."

And they did. After the hike, it seemed Tommy was being invited to join in on most of Evan and Theo's outings. They explored child-friendly museums and galleries, went to events in the park, spent evenings playing board games gathered around Evan's coffee table or watching animated movies on the couch. There was a memorable afternoon where Evan brought Theo to the Harbor station for a tour and Melton followed the boy around with the quiet amusement of a grandfather helping to sniff out harmless trouble. The three of them fell into each other's lives and routines like clicking a final missing puzzle piece into place.

Every encounter brought Tommy and Evan closer than they had been before. Keeping a tight lock on romance forced them to talk instead of burying themselves in each other's bodies. Evan told Tommy about his childhood, growing up with a family haunted by the memory of a brother he didn't know existed until just a few years ago, and how that loss shaped his relationship with his parents. Tommy told him about a father who was more of a dictator, watching and controlling every move he made until he joined the army, his distant mother who he believes loves him, but never as much as she loves herself, a string of step fathers he never bothered getting to know before they were replaced with the next. They shared secrets and regrets, fears and past glories, until it felt like there wasn't a flaw or scar left unseen. And all the while Theo whirled around them in bursts of glee and screaming anger, evenings of refusing to let Tommy leave until he fell asleep because the idea of him driving scared him, days when he wouldn't speak to Evan, but let Tommy coax him into eating his lunch or changing into his pajamas.

One day, Theo greets Tommy at the door with a little blue envelope decorated with ballons and his name drawn in crayon on the front. Inside is an invitation to Theo's fifth birthday party that weekend.

"I told him we could just ask you to come," Evan says, "but he insisted that all his friends get real invitations."

Later that evening, before getting tucked into bed, Theo makes Tommy pinky promise that he'll be at his party.

"Buck says you can't break these," He says, seriously. Tommy nods.

"I wouldn't miss it. Sleep tight, T-Rex."

Tommy has never been to a child's birthday party, but has an idea of what to expect when he lets himself in the day of the party thanks to movies and TV. There's the excited screams of children in the backyard, streamers and balloons and dinosaur decorations abound. The adults are gathered in the living room and back patio, talking and laughing, the table they had shared that first dinner at is piled with gifts.

"Tommy!" Theo shouts. The congregation of 118 members at the side of the yard looks up as he leaves his friends and runs to hug him.

"Hey, kiddo. Happy birthday!" He can feel multiple sets of eyes on him as Theo runs back to his playmates and Evan makes his way over to his side to take the gift bag from his hands and offer him a beer instead.

"Thank you for coming," He says with a small smile.

"Well, I did pinky promise. I was told those are unbreakable vows." Evan nods with the same seriousness Theo had.

"I have a couple of things to finish up in the kitchen, but I'll be right out. Help yourself to anything."

He bustles off and Tommy sighs. He doesn't know anyone else, so he figures he may as well bite the bullet. He heads over to join the other firefighters at the picnic table by the fence.

It's not nearly as awkward as he feared it would be. No one seems surprised to see his, and they all greet him with friendly familiarity. Soon enough, he's laughing with Howie and Hen about old calls, discussing the pros and cons of the new truck Eddie has been thinking about getting versus the one he has, giving Ravi and the 118's new probie work out tips. It feels normal, but Tommy knows it isn't. He sees the looks exchanged between Howie and Hen when they think he isn't looking. He hears their trepidation of him when they talk about Theo or Evan. It's all subtle, but Tommy is a man who lived most of his life with his head on a swivel, watching and listening for every small change in a person's demeanor.

Tommy is comfortable enough with himself to ignore all of that now. Today isn't about him, it's about the little boy who has had a traumatic year smiling while he blows out the candles on his birthday cake, it's about Theo excitedly tearing into the presents people who care enough to show up brought him, it's about a little boy curled up in his father's lap while they look at his new books together, even if he doesn't know what that moment really means.

People slowly start leaving and soon it's just the extended 118 family lingering, helping Evan gather up miscellaneous trash and take down decorations. Tommy grabs a couple of the serving trays and carries them into the kitchen, hesitating only a moment when he sees Evan's sister already standing at the sink, almost like she was waiting for him.

"That was a heck of a party," He says, shifting under the weight of Maddie's eyes. "Evan did a great job."

"He did," Maddie agrees. She takes the trays from him, emptying the leftovers and starting to wash them. Tommy is about to make his escape when she speaks again. "It sounds like the three of you have been spending a lot of time together."

Tommy can tell she's trying to keep her tone casual, but there's still an edge to it. His shoulders threaten to tighten, ready to go on the defensive, but he forces the feeling down and away. There's no reason for it, and he refuses to let himself be forced into this corner.

"We have," He acknowledges with no further explanation, not giving an inch. Maddie meets his challenge evenly.

"And you think that's a good idea? Given you and Buck's history?" Tommy grits his teeth.

"I think Evan is grown man who can make his own decisions, including who he wants involved his and Theo's lives."

Maddie drums her nails on the counter, obviously fighting against whatever words are poised on the tip of her tongue. After a long moment, she sighs.

"Look, I know you're not a bad man, I know I owe everything I still have to you. But Buck is in a vulnerable place right now learning how to live with all this. The last thing he needs is a boyfriend."

"Funny. Evan said the exact same thing." There's a vicious satisfaction at Maddie's look of surprise, how that drew her up short. "You're right, he doesn't need a boyfriend. He just needs someone who has is back. Someone who he isn't worried is waiting for him to make a wrong move or is going to try to correct him. We're friends, Maddie."

"You know he can never just be your friend," She says, and it's not an accusation, it's not said in a mean, nasty way. She states it as a plain fact. "Please just remember that whatever you two decide to do, there's someone else who's heart can be broken this time."

With that, she wipes her hands on a dish towel and leaves Tommy standing in the kitchen. He's tempted to follow after her, but Evan sweeps in holding Theo.

"Would you mind helping him with his pajamas while I get everyone else out of here?"

Theo whines softly as he's transferred from Evan's arms to his, and tucks his face against Tommy's neck. He can hear the quiet goodbyes being exchanged down the hall as he helps Theo through his bedtime routine; the casual "good night, see you laters" exchanged by him and the Diazes and Wilsons, Jee and Nash's giggles before Chimney takes them to the car, then a quiet exchange with Maddie that shifts to tense whispers.

Tommy is tucking an already half asleep Theo into his bed when Evan rejoins them. He lingers in the doorway for a moment, long enough to watch Evan brush Theo's hair back and kiss his forehead before he retreats to the living room and settles on the couch, the tension that had had kept his muscles tense the majority of the evening finally relaxing. He hears Evan go down the hall and move around in the kitchen, the quiet snick of the front door lock, then Evan walks into living room with two beers dangling between his fingers and offers him one before sitting down.

"Is it just me, or was the the most exhausting party ever?" Tommy chuckles.

"It was something. You did an incredible job, Evan. I know Theo had the time of his life."

"Thanks." They're quiet for a moment. "Tommy, I– I want to to thank you for everything. For how you've shown up for him, no matter what, no matter when. I can never tell you how much it means to both of us."

Evan's looks at him with earnest eyes and Tommy smiles, reaching out to squeeze the hand he has laying on his knee.

"There's nothing that could keep me away. Not from Theo...or from you."

The first kiss is barely there, the softest brush of lips. The next was deeper, firmer. Tommy's hand moves to cup Evan's face and he sighs against his lips, letting his fingers thread into Tommy's hair. They get lost in each other, and it's been a long time since Tommy has just kissed someone like this. One of Evan's hands tightens in his shirt, the other reaches behind himself, knocking a small collection of stuffed animals to the floor so he can lay back, drawing Tommy down with him, whispering his name against his lips like a prayer.

"Buck!"

Theo's voice echoes down the hallway, finally pulling them apart. Evan lays his forehead against Tommy's cheek, the warm huff of his laugher ghosting across his neck.

"I'll be right back," He murmurs, leaning in for one last kiss before gently pushing Tommy away to get up.

Tommy has to fight the urge to pinch himself. He feels like he's living a rom-com romance fantasy, reconciling with the love of his life, helping him care for a child he adores. He knows that he and Evan have a lot to talk about, but for the momemt, he allows himself to marvel at at how the universe has smiled on him.

He waits a while, but Evan doesn't return. Tommy rises and pads down the hall to make sure that everything is okay. He leans against the doorframe and smiles at the sight before him. Evan has fallen asleep laying next to Theo, his cheek pressed against the boys head where he's snuggled up against his chest. Tommy eases into the room and turns off the lamp, leaving the room in the soft glow of the nightlight in the corner.

Back in the living room, Tommy finds himself at a loss for what to do next. The logical thing would be to leave Evan a note and go home, call him first thing in the morning and figure out where they stand. But to leave agter kissing him like that feels wrong. He can almost picture the flash of devastated disappointment that will come across Evan's face when he wakes up to Tommy gone, knows the thoughts that will run through his mind, always the worst case scenario first. To hell with it, he and Evan have never been logical anyway.

Evan's smile when he walks into the kitchen and finds Tommy waiting for the coffee to finish brewing is almost blinding.

"You stayed." Tommy's answering smile is just as bright.

"I told you, nothing can keep me away."