Whenever the universe seems to be against you, rely on the person that knows how to make it warmer ❤️
Sometimes pookies come like out of nowhere, sometimes I struggle a little with them, so @v88sy thank you for your request, im so sorry for the waiting i hope you like it yayyyy🥰🥰🥰 (i still owe you one tho👀)
Different meeting au where Tommy needs somebody to housesit for him while he’s out of town because [insert reason here] and Buck needs a place to stay and their mutual friend Chimney sets up the arrangement
Tommy has to leave before he can meet Buck, but he texts him and tells him where the spare key is and he’s left him a list of instructions on the kitchen counter and some leftovers in the fridge
Tommy’s gone for a couple weeks, but they text every day (maybe eventually speak on the phone/facetime?) — Buck sends him updates and photos of Tommy’s plants to ensure they’re thriving and Tommy’s multiple fish tanks to show all the flora are thriving their too and that the fish haven’t gone belly up (Tommy will never admit how much he laughed the first time Evan made the joke)
Somewhere along the way, they keep up their text conversations even after the routine assurances that Buck is making himself at home and that everything and everybody is still alive and that the house is still standing
Buck starts telling Tommy about his day and vice-versa.
Tommy opens up about his reasons for being out of town [death in the family maybe?]
And they both quickly become the highlight of each other’s day
One night—late night, early morning really but neither of them have gone to sleep yet—Buck says something about staying in Tommy’s house despite never having met him; that he doesn’t even know what Tommy looks like
Within minutes, Buck gets a reply in the form of a selfie of Tommy—tucked in bed, hair rumpled and soft looking (Buck is taken aback by how much he aches with wanting to run his fingers through it), eyes so so blue, and a soft smile on his face.
Buck doesn’t overthink, he takes a similar selfie. As he’s getting ready to take press the shutter button, another message comes in: hi :)
The smile (and the blush he can’t ignore) in Buck’s selfie is genuine
He follows it up with a hi 🙂
[i think it could be funny if there was a mix up somehow and Buck was actually sleeping in Tommy’s bed, not the guest room 😅 like both rooms looked lived in, both full of shelves with books, etc]
Basically what happens is they fall in love over texts and phone calls and probably some sexts and Buck stays for awhile after Tommy returns while he looks for a new place but then he actually stays forever
I was tagged by @chococara25 and @sierranovembr. I'm mostly working on my super secret BT Bang, but this idea gripped me by the throat and compelled me.
Inspired by this post: S1Buck is secretly married to firechief Tommy... I've taken some liberties with the idea.
"Is everything okay at home, Buck?" Bobby's voice comes from the door of the lockers. It's gentle, with an edge of concern.
Buck wracks his brain, trying to think of anything that might give Captain Nash that impression. He hasn't been late, hasn't been reprimanded on a call. He's been completing his assigned tasks around the station with minor supervision. Nothing that would warrant any worry.
Pulling a clean shirt over his head, Buck feels the satisfying reminder of the bruise along his side and ducks his head to hide the smile it brings to his face.
Once his shirt is one and his features are under control, he turns to face Bobby, spine straight, ready for feedback. "All good. Are there any issues here? Did I miss something?"
Bobby studies him, and Buck tries not to shift under the scrutiny. Bobby's mouth forms a straight line, and his eyes look Buck up and down again "You're doing a great job here, kid. You've got a good head on your shoulders, and the making of a good firefighter. I just don't want to see anything pulling you away from that. You know you can come to me if you need anything."
The offer is strange, but appreciated. Buck has spent a long time without anyone in his corner. It's nice to know his captain is looking out for him. He's about to say something dismissive when his phone starts ringing in his locker.
His face falls, because the only reason for Tommy to call him this early is to cancel plans. Biting his lip to stifle the disappointment, Buck breathes in through his nose before taking the call with a subdued "Hey."
He turns away from Bobby to take the call, and misses the complicated expression on Bobby’s face, and the way his brow furrows in worry.
Tagging @emakataken, @chimneyschewinggum, @thecarrott, @chemistry66, @corporatebanana, @frogsinflannel, @sad-girl-hours23, @kinardnatural, @paperyowl, @leashybebes, @whizzzerbrown, @jamieroyjamieroy, and anyone else who wants to share! Love seeing what people are working on
I love all your five/some facts AUs so much! How about: as a probie, Buck is assigned to the 217 instead of the 118 for Bucktommy?
1. Tommy's a transfer filling a pilot spot, but ground crew needs a probie. They'd lost a pilot to retirement and a firefighter to a lower cost of living. He's been there for a few months when it's announced they're getting a new kid in. Apparently Melton was ready to fight Bobby, who'd tried leveraging the fact that he also got Tommy, so it wasn't fair to get one of the top cadets. Tommy's in the kitchen putting his breakfast together when someone clears their throat. He turns and looks and then almost looks again, because there's a beautiful guy in the room. He'd finally come out, but he's not ready to start openly checking guys out at work. So he looks back at the eggs he's making. "You the new kid?" Tommy asks. "Uh, yeah. I'm Evan Buckley. Uh, Buck. Are you Captain Melton?" he asks. "I'm not, but I appreciate the fact that you think I could be," Tommy says, grinning. "He's not here yet, his car didn't want to start. Pull up a stool." So Evan sits on one of the barstools at the island, looking like he's ready to jump out of his skin, so Tommy doesn't offer him coffee. But he does offer him breakfast, and Evan gratefully accepts.
2. Evan's a human puppy. He's adorable. He's cocky, he's impulsive, but he cares a lot. They somehow get the call for pipe baby, because that moment is one of his best in season one. But he's down when he comes in from the call, and he wanders out to the hangar. Tommy's cleaning up the birds and stretching his legs. He sees Evan's expression and asks him what happened. Evan tells him, tells him the whole thing, and Tommy sets down the towel he's using to wipe down the windscreen on Betty. "She's alive," Tommy says. "And she has a chance now. You helped make that possible. She'll get to tell people all about how her birth went one day. It was going to happen, but your being there made a difference." And Evan blinks back tears and nods and thanks him. "Here," Tommy says, handing him a bucket with a cleaning brush inside. "Just the windows and noses today." They clean the rest of the choppers, and Evan asks him if he wants something to eat. He's trying to learn how to cook so Tommy isn't always the one doing it, and Tommy's not mad about being his guinea pig.
3. Evan starts talking to someone, apparently. When he says she's a dispatcher, Tommy gets a sinking feeling and asks her name. "Yeah, that's what I thought," he sighs when Evan tells him. "Fuck, it's going to come up. I was engaged to her. I broke up with her last year." "Why?" Evan asks. "I'm gay. I never told her, but that was it," he says, feeling like a dick for it still. When Patricia goes missing, Evan calls Tommy to let him know. Tommy's shoving his basket of groceries at a clerk and running out of the store to his truck. He shows up where they are, and his first instinct is to hug Abby. While they look, they talk a little. "Buck told me why you left," Abby says. "We weren't really working for a while there, were we? I thought it was to do with all this." "No, not even a little," Tommy reassures her. When they go to pick Patricia up, she smiles and squeezes Tommy's hand and tells him they can watch Murder, She Wrote together after dinner. They used to do that before. "Yeah, we can," Tommy agrees. Patricia can't watch the whole episode, she starts feeling a little agitated, but for a moment, it's like it used to be. Abby shoves a small box into Tommy's hands with the stuff she'd found of his. "Abs, what are you doing?" Tommy asks softly, nodding toward Evan. "What, you think he's too young?" she asks. "No, I know him. He won't think of himself first, not when someone needs him. Or thinks they do," he says, and she gets icy with him immediately. "Have you talked to anyone? Support groups, hospice--" "You can go," she snaps. And Tommy leaves, but Evan follows on his heels.
4. Abby and Evan never get that serious, and Tommy also goes to Patricia's funeral. But when Abby talks about leaving, Tommy asks her if she expects Evan to wait for her. So she talks to him, and he's a little heartbroken. But it's not like it was originally. He's not a ghost in her apartment. He sublets it while she's gone, because living in his house is getting to be too crowded and loud and terrible. But then he starts to seem lonely when he's on shift, and Tommy asks if he wants to grab a beer or something. They're not super close, despite being friendly enough on and off shift. Tommy's been careful about that, keeping Evan at arm's length. Not the way he did with Chimney or Hen, but he doesn't want to get too close. He's had his fill of falling for straight boys. But Evan lights up and accepts, and Tommy feels like a trap's closing around him when they grin at each other.
5. Evan is so fucking cute. He's ridiculous and enthusiastic and knows so many weird things and trips over his words and himself, and Tommy's gripping his beer like a lifeline back to heterosexuality. He can't be expected to deal with this, it's unfair. If he ducks his head and smiles one more time, Tommy's going to do something stupid. He desperately texts Sal asking him to show up unexpectedly as a buffer, but Sal's in fucking Santa Barbara for his anniversary. Tommy curses his entire line and pockets his phone before taking the two new beers and sitting back down and learning about Peru.
6. The thing is, Harbor is close but they're not living in each other's pockets like the 118. Tommy would do anything for his crew, that's part of the deal. It's been part of his deal basically his whole life. He was a football player, a baseball player, a soldier, and now a firefighter. It's been ingrained in his head to turn and help, to be part of a whole greater than himself. But what he does during the earthquake is stupid and dangerous. He's on ground, called in to help on a planned day off. They've got pilots, they need everything else. Evan is with him at a small office building with a collapsed facade, and the floor comes out from under them. Instead of jumping back, he yanks Evan back and shoves him just as the floor goes for good. He lands on his leg and can't hold back the bellow of pain as something snaps. Evan's screaming his name, and Tommy looks up at him and tells him to get out, because the pillar under Evan is cracked to hell, too. They'll probably lose the roof, and then that'll be it. Tommy Kinard dies in a hole because he fucked up and fell for a straight boy. "I'm not leaving you!" Evan shouts, slamming his hand on the floor. He disappears for a moment and comes back over the side on a rope, radioing outside and demanding immediate support. "It's Tommy, Tommy's down," he says hoarsely right as he lands next to him. The roof goes a moment later, but the pillar Evan's helped him sit against holds strong. They've got a bubble of safety for the time being.
7. "Why'd you do that?" Evan asks as he cuts Tommy's pants and gropes around for something hard to use as a splint. "You--why?" "Reacted," Tommy says, a half-truth. And it takes him a moment in the haze of pain to realize Evan is crying. "Hey, hey, 'm okay. I'll be okay. See?" He tries a smile on for size, but it feels more like a grimace. Evan splints him, and he squeezes Tommy's hands after until he stops whimpering. "I'm sorry," Evan says as Tommy falls silent. "Don't be," Tommy says. "You're doing your job. You're good at your job." "Thanks," Evan says softly. They get an updated position on rescue, they'll be there another several minutes while they get dug out from the side. "Why do you let me call you Evan?" Tommy asks. "Everyone else calls you Buck. Even your sister." "I dunno," Evan says, shrugging. "I don't mind it from you, I guess. It used to be this thing that parents and my teachers and everyone said like they were dealing with some kind of problem, so I let them give me a nickname at the academy. Reinvent myself. But I like how you say it." "I just say it," Tommy says. "Yeah, but it's--it's different," Evan says. "It should be me with a broken leg right now, why would do that?" Tommy reaches out and brushes plaster dust off Evan's cheek and then tucks his fingers under Evan's chin and kisses him. When he sits back against the pillar, he shrugs. Evan leans forward, his fists planted on the ground, and kisses him, too.
8. The rescue is dicey. Eventually, they're pulled out by Abrams, Jess, de Palma, and Hart. Tommy has to get loaded onto a stretcher and pulled through a hole and carried down a pile of rubble to a waiting ambulance. Evan gets in the back without saying a word. When they get to the hospital, Tommy spots Chim and Hen dropping off a patient and waves. They jog over to find out what happened, he introduces them to Evan, and Chimney radios for Bobby to come in and say hi. Bobby looks over Tommy and hums. "Maybe you should've stayed," Bobby says. "Nah, not unless there's a helipad on the roof now," Tommy says. He's low priority. Clean fracture, stable vitals. There are critical patients everywhere. "You're the probie that got stolen from under my nose," Bobby says when Evan introduces himself. "You can't have him," Tommy says. "He's ours." And Evan looks at him with the biggest eyes and the pinkest cheeks and nods. "Yeah, what he said," he says. "But it's nice to meet you, sir."
9. Evan falls asleep with his head on Tommy's gurney while they wait. He only wakes when Tommy's wheeled off to get an X-ray, he's on the phone with his sister when Tommy gets back. When he hangs up, Tommy tells him he should get going. "Can I stay?" Evan asks. "Are you sure?" Tommy asks, and Evan nods and threads their fingers together. "Yeah, I wanna ask you out, but you're on drugs right now," Evan says with an easy smile. "Not strong ones," Tommy argues. "Ask me." "You free Saturday?" Evan asks, and Tommy nods.
10. Things get serious after a few false starts. Tommy's had exactly one relationship since coming out, and it wasn't anything special. He's hooked up plenty, but he doesn't want just that with Evan. Evan's never been a with a guy, but he doesn't have hangups after an initial hiccup where his sister had walked in on them making out and it got weird. But they have to tell Melton, and Melton isn't happy. It means one of them has to change shifts or transfer. "The 118 is still short," Evan says. "I was, uh, talking to one of their firefighters." Their probie had transferred before getting his shield, then they just got a new one. But he can come in as a full firefighter, fill the empty spot. Melton begrudgingly calls Bobby and tells him he somehow won. Things are different, though, because Evan isn't the dumb puppy little brother probie to start. He's been on the job more than a year, he's experienced, he's good, and he's been at a station that's known for its competence. He's not quite an equal, he doesn't have the experience of Hen and Chimney, but he finds his place. He goes home to his boyfriend, taking time off to move in with him and watching the news with horror as a firefighter from another house gets caught in an explosion. It's the guy who was covering Buck while he's out. "That could've been me," Buck realizes. So that gets Buck off the hook for NDEs until the lightning strike, by which point his husband is squeezing his hand as he wakes up from the coma.
Ngl there is some unintentional cruelty in the recent promotional material for Disney/ABC adjacent properties using BuckTommy knowing Tim has basically openly admitted to abandoning them as a concept at the behest of podcast besties in his recent interviews. ABC seems content to celebrate them as one of their Big LGBT Couples but if you know the show’s current state you know Tim is too scared of not looking cool to a micro niche podcast for Tommy to even come back briefly. There’s a dissonance there that feels like the higherups are trying to trick people into getting their hearts broken by promising BuckTommy, but that only lasted 1.5 seasons and two years later Buck’s only acceptable “love interest” according to Tim is his son.
Just thought of Buck and Tommy watching Top Gun together and Buck pouting after the bar scene and saying that nobody's ever serenaded him
Tommy gives him that is my boyfriend being a brat? look and says, "is this about Chim's bachelor party?"
And Buck hadn't even been thinking about that or even Tommy in particular, he just meant in general and it never really occurred to him that might be something he'd want. He vehemently denies it.
Tommy isn't convinced exactly, but he trusts Buck to say what he means.
The next week they're watching something where one character brings the other breakfast in bed and Tommy doesn't even register it himself, but he quietly sighs.
Buck turns to him and gets the fondest smile on his face. "Has anybody ever brought you breakfast in bed?"
Tommy shakes his head. "To be fair, I've never done that for anybody either."
A few days later, the morning after Tommy's had a grueling shift, Buck brings Tommy breakfast in bed. Tommy's heart aches with how much he loves Buck and how much Buck loves him. After he's had his second coffee and his brain is finally truly online, he panics and looks over at Buck--who had already eaten his breakfast while Tommy was sleeping and pretty much sat there watching Tommy eat and occasionally swiping a piece of bacon, the sweet weirdo. "I wasn't trying to--manipulate into doing this for me."
"Tommy, I know that. I just wanted to do something nice for you."
"You did, thank you. You know I love it when you eat off my plate."
Buck laughs and steals two pieces of bacon for the sass.
It's not always big, romantic gestures that they do for each other--or even most of the time--there really isn't a whole lot left to compete with a guy stealing a helicopter for you, after all...
"Twice," Tommy inists.
Buck gives him a look. "I love you, but the first time wasn't for me. You didn't even know me."
Then Tommy gives him a look. "Yeah, but I knew--"
And really...what is Buck supposed to say to that? (usually it's, should we have sex here or the bedroom?)
At their wedding reception, Tommy and his groomsmen serenade Buck with "You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’."
Most of the guest think it's an odd song choice, but Buck has never looked happier so they just roll with it.
They're staying at the hotel for the night and when they get to the room and Buck's opening the app to unlock the door, Tommy muses, "You know, I've never been carried across a threshold by my husband before."
Buck grins. "I've been training for this moment."
They experience a lot of firsts as husbands that night.
Everything Is Different Now (But It Kind Of Feels The Same) Part 3
Part 1 Part 2
Evan calls late on a Friday night. Tommy had just settled into bed with a crime novel he'd bought second hand when his phone screen lights up. He picks up immediately, worry gnawing at his gut.
"Hey," Evan's voice is quiet. "Sorry to call so late. I hope I didn't wake you."
"You know you didn't." Tommy has always been a night owl, usually staying up until the wee hours of the morning, especially if he didn't have a shift the next day. "What's up? Everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, things are great." Tommy hears rustling on the other end of the line, then the slide of Evan's back door opening and closing. "I'm taking Theo for a hike tomorrow and he asked if you could come."
"Oh."
Tommy can't say he's not surprised. Since he had come over dinner two weeks before, he and Evan had been in touch, checking in and sharing little life updates, but had been limited. Evan had has hands full juggling work and learning how to be a full time caregiver to a kid who had more energy than even he did, Tommy wasn't expecting hour long phone calls like they used to have.
"You don't have to," Evan says quickly. "I know it's last minute and you probably have plans."
"No – I mean, I don't have plans. I'd love to come."
"Yeah?" His ears are probably playing tricks on him, because Evan sounds so relieved and...hopeful?
"Sure. What time are thinking?"
They spent a long time talking, switching from the hike to how Tommy's last shift had been to how Theo's week at school was to the video rabbit hole on sea turtles Evan had fallen down during a rare moment of quiet. By the time they say their goodnights, Tommy's ear is hot from having the screen pressed to his head for so long.
Evan and Theo are already waiting in the parking lot when Tommy arrives the next morning. Theo looks as pleased as Tommy imagines any four year old would to be woken up at this early on a Saturday morning, arms crossed tightly around his chest and his lower lip jutted out. That all changes when Tommy steps out of his truck and he runs to wrap his arms around his leg.
"Hi, Theo," Tommy greets, patting his head lightly. Theo beams up at him.
"Buck says there's a waterfall. Can we find it?"
"I'm sure we can," Tommy nods. He turns his eyes to Evan. "Hey."
"Hey," Evan grins. There's a moment where it almost seems like he's going to lean forward for a quick kiss, but instead he looks down at Theo and holds out his little backpack. "You ready, kiddo?"
"Yeah, let's find the waterfall!" Theo grabs Buck's hand and tugs him toward the start of the path, and Buck laughs, allowing himself to be pulled along. Tommy falls into step next to them under the shade of the trees.
Theo is a ball of energy, excitedly pointing to the flowers and insects, asking Evan to tell him their names and if they can take pictures of them all. He's loud, especially when a flock of birds takes off when they approach their roost. He squeals with delight and grabs Tommy's hand, pointing up to the sky.
"Like you!"
He keeps his grip on Tommy for a while, his little fingers squeezing tightly around his when he gets excited. The distance doesn't seem to bother him at all, they've walked maybe a mile and a half and his engery hasn't depleted a bit
He's still babbling away when they hear the rush of water in the near distance. He looks eagerly up at Evan.
"Is that it?" Evan pulls up a map of the path on his phone and shows it to him.
"Seems like it."
"So cool!" Theo takes off, kicking up a trail of dust in his wake.
"Stay where we can see you!" Evan yells after him, shaking his head.
"Is that a good idea?" Tommy asks. Evan grins at him and shrugs.
"He's okay. I have an airtag in his backpack, just in case." It's such an Evan thing to say, Tommy can't help but laugh. Evan laughs too and they drift closer as they follow Theo up the path, their shoulders bumping occasionally with their movements.
As eager as he is, Theo doesn't go more than a few feet ahead of them, bouncing in excitment. The waterfall is small, but he's thrilled by it all the same, marveling at the little rainbows the mist creates and small creatures swimming around in the water underneath. Tommy sneaks a few pictures of him and Evan knelt down, Evan pointing out a salamander and telling Theo some facts of his own. Tommy tries teaching them both how to skip rocks across the water's surface and they laugh as each one Evan tries sinks quickly. More hikers come and go, smiling and nodding kindly as they pass or settle on the grass nearby. It hits Tommy that those people see them as another happy family enjoying a day outside, two dads and their little boy who screams in shocked wonder when a fish leaps out of the water. How much he wishes that was true.
They start their descent back to the parking lot after sharing the smorgasbord of snacks Evan had brought with them. Now that the fun part is over and the day has gotten hotter, Theo is no longer as enthusiastic about the excursion and he starts whining quietly after a few yards that he's tired, his legs hurt. Evan has both of their backpacks now, so Tommy stoops and swings him up onto his shoulders without a second thought. The smile it gains from Evan is heart breakingly beautiful and more than a little grateful.
"How's the weather up there?" Tommy asks and Theo giggles.
"Daddy says that, too."
Back in the parking lot, Theo let's Evan buckle him into his carseat with little fuss, his eyes already drooping closed as soon as he gets still.
"Thanks for coming today," Evan says when they walk around to the drivers side. "I think he had a great time."
"I did, too. Thanks for inviting me."
That same tension from a few weeks ago is back, think and magnetic between them. Evan's gaze drops to his lips for a half second, then shoots back up to his eyes.
"I...I should get him home. Let him have his nap."
"Yeah." But he still lingers. Tommy huffs out a laugh and pulls him into a hug. "Drive safe."
"You, too," Evan says into his neck. "We'll see you soon."
And they did. After the hike, it seemed Tommy was being invited to join in on most of Evan and Theo's outings. They explored child-friendly museums and galleries, went to events in the park, spent evenings playing board games gathered around Evan's coffee table or watching animated movies on the couch. There was a memorable afternoon where Evan brought Theo to the Harbor station for a tour and Melton followed the boy around with the quiet amusement of a grandfather helping to sniff out harmless trouble. The three of them fell into each other's lives and routines like clicking a final missing puzzle piece into place.
Every encounter brought Tommy and Evan closer than they had been before. Keeping a tight lock on romance forced them to talk instead of burying themselves in each other's bodies. Evan told Tommy about his childhood, growing up with a family haunted by the memory of a brother he didn't know existed until just a few years ago, and how that loss shaped his relationship with his parents. Tommy told him about a father who was more of a dictator, watching and controlling every move he made until he joined the army, his distant mother who he believes loves him, but never as much as she loves herself, a string of step fathers he never bothered getting to know before they were replaced with the next. They shared secrets and regrets, fears and past glories, until it felt like there wasn't a flaw or scar left unseen. And all the while Theo whirled around them in bursts of glee and screaming anger, evenings of refusing to let Tommy leave until he fell asleep because the idea of him driving scared him, days when he wouldn't speak to Evan, but let Tommy coax him into eating his lunch or changing into his pajamas.
One day, Theo greets Tommy at the door with a little blue envelope decorated with ballons and his name drawn in crayon on the front. Inside is an invitation to Theo's fifth birthday party that weekend.
"I told him we could just ask you to come," Evan says, "but he insisted that all his friends get real invitations."
Later that evening, before getting tucked into bed, Theo makes Tommy pinky promise that he'll be at his party.
"Buck says you can't break these," He says, seriously. Tommy nods.
"I wouldn't miss it. Sleep tight, T-Rex."
Tommy has never been to a child's birthday party, but has an idea of what to expect when he lets himself in the day of the party thanks to movies and TV. There's the excited screams of children in the backyard, streamers and balloons and dinosaur decorations abound. The adults are gathered in the living room and back patio, talking and laughing, the table they had shared that first dinner at is piled with gifts.
"Tommy!" Theo shouts. The congregation of 118 members at the side of the yard looks up as he leaves his friends and runs to hug him.
"Hey, kiddo. Happy birthday!" He can feel multiple sets of eyes on him as Theo runs back to his playmates and Evan makes his way over to his side to take the gift bag from his hands and offer him a beer instead.
"Thank you for coming," He says with a small smile.
"Well, I did pinky promise. I was told those are unbreakable vows." Evan nods with the same seriousness Theo had.
"I have a couple of things to finish up in the kitchen, but I'll be right out. Help yourself to anything."
He bustles off and Tommy sighs. He doesn't know anyone else, so he figures he may as well bite the bullet. He heads over to join the other firefighters at the picnic table by the fence.
It's not nearly as awkward as he feared it would be. No one seems surprised to see his, and they all greet him with friendly familiarity. Soon enough, he's laughing with Howie and Hen about old calls, discussing the pros and cons of the new truck Eddie has been thinking about getting versus the one he has, giving Ravi and the 118's new probie work out tips. It feels normal, but Tommy knows it isn't. He sees the looks exchanged between Howie and Hen when they think he isn't looking. He hears their trepidation of him when they talk about Theo or Evan. It's all subtle, but Tommy is a man who lived most of his life with his head on a swivel, watching and listening for every small change in a person's demeanor.
Tommy is comfortable enough with himself to ignore all of that now. Today isn't about him, it's about the little boy who has had a traumatic year smiling while he blows out the candles on his birthday cake, it's about Theo excitedly tearing into the presents people who care enough to show up brought him, it's about a little boy curled up in his father's lap while they look at his new books together, even if he doesn't know what that moment really means.
People slowly start leaving and soon it's just the extended 118 family lingering, helping Evan gather up miscellaneous trash and take down decorations. Tommy grabs a couple of the serving trays and carries them into the kitchen, hesitating only a moment when he sees Evan's sister already standing at the sink, almost like she was waiting for him.
"That was a heck of a party," He says, shifting under the weight of Maddie's eyes. "Evan did a great job."
"He did," Maddie agrees. She takes the trays from him, emptying the leftovers and starting to wash them. Tommy is about to make his escape when she speaks again. "It sounds like the three of you have been spending a lot of time together."
Tommy can tell she's trying to keep her tone casual, but there's still an edge to it. His shoulders threaten to tighten, ready to go on the defensive, but he forces the feeling down and away. There's no reason for it, and he refuses to let himself be forced into this corner.
"We have," He acknowledges with no further explanation, not giving an inch. Maddie meets his challenge evenly.
"And you think that's a good idea? Given you and Buck's history?" Tommy grits his teeth.
"I think Evan is grown man who can make his own decisions, including who he wants involved his and Theo's lives."
Maddie drums her nails on the counter, obviously fighting against whatever words are poised on the tip of her tongue. After a long moment, she sighs.
"Look, I know you're not a bad man, I know I owe everything I still have to you. But Buck is in a vulnerable place right now learning how to live with all this. The last thing he needs is a boyfriend."
"Funny. Evan said the exact same thing." There's a vicious satisfaction at Maddie's look of surprise, how that drew her up short. "You're right, he doesn't need a boyfriend. He just needs someone who has is back. Someone who he isn't worried is waiting for him to make a wrong move or is going to try to correct him. We're friends, Maddie."
"You know he can never just be your friend," She says, and it's not an accusation, it's not said in a mean, nasty way. She states it as a plain fact. "Please just remember that whatever you two decide to do, there's someone else who's heart can be broken this time."
With that, she wipes her hands on a dish towel and leaves Tommy standing in the kitchen. He's tempted to follow after her, but Evan sweeps in holding Theo.
"Would you mind helping him with his pajamas while I get everyone else out of here?"
Theo whines softly as he's transferred from Evan's arms to his, and tucks his face against Tommy's neck. He can hear the quiet goodbyes being exchanged down the hall as he helps Theo through his bedtime routine; the casual "good night, see you laters" exchanged by him and the Diazes and Wilsons, Jee and Nash's giggles before Chimney takes them to the car, then a quiet exchange with Maddie that shifts to tense whispers.
Tommy is tucking an already half asleep Theo into his bed when Evan rejoins them. He lingers in the doorway for a moment, long enough to watch Evan brush Theo's hair back and kiss his forehead before he retreats to the living room and settles on the couch, the tension that had had kept his muscles tense the majority of the evening finally relaxing. He hears Evan go down the hall and move around in the kitchen, the quiet snick of the front door lock, then Evan walks into living room with two beers dangling between his fingers and offers him one before sitting down.
"Is it just me, or was the the most exhausting party ever?" Tommy chuckles.
"It was something. You did an incredible job, Evan. I know Theo had the time of his life."
"Thanks." They're quiet for a moment. "Tommy, I– I want to to thank you for everything. For how you've shown up for him, no matter what, no matter when. I can never tell you how much it means to both of us."
Evan's looks at him with earnest eyes and Tommy smiles, reaching out to squeeze the hand he has laying on his knee.
"There's nothing that could keep me away. Not from Theo...or from you."
The first kiss is barely there, the softest brush of lips. The next was deeper, firmer. Tommy's hand moves to cup Evan's face and he sighs against his lips, letting his fingers thread into Tommy's hair. They get lost in each other, and it's been a long time since Tommy has just kissed someone like this. One of Evan's hands tightens in his shirt, the other reaches behind himself, knocking a small collection of stuffed animals to the floor so he can lay back, drawing Tommy down with him, whispering his name against his lips like a prayer.
"Buck!"
Theo's voice echoes down the hallway, finally pulling them apart. Evan lays his forehead against Tommy's cheek, the warm huff of his laugher ghosting across his neck.
"I'll be right back," He murmurs, leaning in for one last kiss before gently pushing Tommy away to get up.
Tommy has to fight the urge to pinch himself. He feels like he's living a rom-com romance fantasy, reconciling with the love of his life, helping him care for a child he adores. He knows that he and Evan have a lot to talk about, but for the momemt, he allows himself to marvel at at how the universe has smiled on him.
He waits a while, but Evan doesn't return. Tommy rises and pads down the hall to make sure that everything is okay. He leans against the doorframe and smiles at the sight before him. Evan has fallen asleep laying next to Theo, his cheek pressed against the boys head where he's snuggled up against his chest. Tommy eases into the room and turns off the lamp, leaving the room in the soft glow of the nightlight in the corner.
Back in the living room, Tommy finds himself at a loss for what to do next. The logical thing would be to leave Evan a note and go home, call him first thing in the morning and figure out where they stand. But to leave agter kissing him like that feels wrong. He can almost picture the flash of devastated disappointment that will come across Evan's face when he wakes up to Tommy gone, knows the thoughts that will run through his mind, always the worst case scenario first. To hell with it, he and Evan have never been logical anyway.
Evan's smile when he walks into the kitchen and finds Tommy waiting for the coffee to finish brewing is almost blinding.
"You stayed." Tommy's answering smile is just as bright.
Oh, for the 5 facts prompts, Buck and Tommy meet through Ravi at frisbee golf!
I want you to know I had to look up what frisbee golf was and then I went and made up a bunch of things about it anyway. Also it got away from me and went in a more, hm, poetical direction.
--
1. Covid had shrunk his life down to the essentials: work, grocery store, socially distance runs, home, video calls. Even with the vaccine roll out, Buck was being cautious.; the last thing he wanted to do was catch Covid and put Maddie and his soon to be born niece at risk. He was lonely and restless—Albert was great company when he was there, but he was grabbing as many deliveries as possible as he needed the money—which was why he didn’t laugh when Ravi said, “I have a weekly frisbee golf game with friends. You doing anything on Sunday?”
“Uh, not to sound ungrateful,” Buck said, resisting the urge to look behind him to see who Ravi was actually talking to, “but why are you inviting me? You pretend not to know us outside of work.”
With the mask covering his face, Ravi’s eyebrows were putting in overtime in the judgmental department. “It’s called having a work-life balance and actual boundaries. You should try it.”
“You’re still a probie,” Buck reminded him.
Ravi had a trick of conveying an eye roll without actually rolling his eyes. It was as impressive as it was deeply irritating. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“But why me?” Buck asked, refusing to take that bait. “I didn’t think you liked me.”
“I’m going to be honest,” Ravi said like he wasn’t that all of the time. “It seems like the pandemic has maybe sent you spiraling into madness.” He held up a hand when Buck went to protest. “You chased me with a saw last week.”
“Uh, I was trying to find you so I could demonstrate how to properly use and store the saw.”
“And the best way to do that was by pretending to be Michael Myers?” Ravi pulled out his phone. “I’m sending you the time and place. “Be there.”
His phone vibrated. “I appreciate this, but I don’t want to be your weird coworker who got a pity invite.” And, Buck added silently, he didn’t want to be the weird older guy pretending to be the same age as a bunch of twenty-somethings.
“You are my weird coworker,” Ravi said without a shred of pity, “but I’m inviting another weird coworker so you’ll have someone to be weird with.”
“Thanks?” Buck said. “Wait, what other coworker? Is it Eddie? Did you invite Eddie? Ravi!”
2. Ravi did not invite Eddie. Buck showed up to the park, compressor sleeve on his bad leg, and saw a tiny woman struggling to pull a giant cooler out of the back of her Subaru. Buck ran to help at the same time as another man hurried over, and they both managed to catch the cooler before it slipped and crushed the poor woman. The guy was masked, but his eyes were so blue and, judging by the way the corners creased, he must have had a hell of a smile.
“Nice catch,” the guy said as they navigated the cooler to safety. His voice was higher pitched than Buck was expecting for a guy that size, but it was, and there was no other word for it, melodious.
“You must be the Ravi’s weird coworkers,” she said. “Grab that and follow me.”
The guy’s eyebrows raised, but he obligingly picked up one end of the cooler and Buck took the other, and they followed the woman, who was named Skye and the co-founder of her college’s frisbee gold club. That was how she knew Ravi; they were old friends.
“Ravi, I found your weird work friends,” she called as they joined Ravi and the rest of the group at the course they were setting up.
“Most people are impressed by us being firefighters,” the guy said mildly.
Skye snorted. “Tell you what, kid, save a cat from a tree and I will personally throw you a parade.”
“It’s been a long time since I was called kid,” the guy mused, and Buck was treated to those laugh lines again. They were so deep; this guy must smile a lot. “I’m Tommy.”
“Buck. Buckley. I mean, Evan,” Buck said because apparently he lost control of his mouth. God, he wished he could see that smile. “Evan Buckley.”
“Good to meet you, Evan,” Tommy said.
“Glad you made it,” Ravi said. “We’re about to break into teams. Full warning, Skye gets physical.”
“Yeah, I do,” said Skye, and high fived another woman.
“I didn’t think this was a contact sport,” Buck said, who had spent last night reading the frisbee golf Wikipedia article and watching a couple of video of people trying to toss little discs into various baskets.
“Not the way we play it,” said Skye with a wolfish smile. “Are you ready?”
3. Buck was not, in fact, ready. The third time Skye laid him out, Buck just stayed and contemplated his mortality.
“Still alive down there?” Tommy asked, hands braced on his knees as he leaned over Buck.
“Unfortunately,” Buck said. “Do you think if I play dead they’ll forget I’m here?”
Tommy glanced at where a scrimmage was taking place further down the course. “I think it’s wrapping up. I heard a rumor that cooler we carried was full of snacks. Come on.”
Tommy offered a hand, and Buck was effortlessly pulled to his feet. “Oh,” he said, breathless. “I’m, uh, not used to people being able to lift me.”
“Benefits of being a big, strong firefighter,” Tommy said with those gorgeous laugh lines.
“Yeah, strong,” Buck agreed over the mad scramble happening at the last basket. It was either luck or skill that kept anyone from losing a mask. “This is not regulation play.”
“Yeah, it’s very Calvinball.” Tommy slid him a sly look. “I bet we can raid the cooler while they’re distracted.”
Buck was too old to get caught in the violent tangle of limbs that was happening. “Let’s do it.”
4. An incomplete list of things Buck learned about Tommy as they waited for the frisbee golf game to end:
Tommy was not just a firefighter but a firefighter pilot, which was one of the coolest jobs it was possible to have. (“That’s gotta be like having a super power,” he said way too earnest to be cool, but Tommy just smiled so wide that his nose scrunched and said, “A little bit, yeah.)
Tommy was Harbor’s sacrificial goat who got sent to the academy as a guest instructor (“I lost the final round of rock, paper, scissors,” he said in that dry tone that Buck suspected he used when he wanted to hide the truth as a joke.)
Tommy used to be at the 118 and had the best stories from Chim and Hen’s probie years (Tommy called him Howie, which was weirdly endearing)
Tommy learned to fly in the army (“The PTSD was almost worth it.”)
Tommy knew Muay Thai but had not joined an underground fight club because he was only slightly more well adjusted than Eddie
Tommy had the most beautiful smile Buck had ever seen
“So this is adorable,” Skye said, gesturing between them, “but if you don’t stop bogarting the snacks, I will take you both down.”
Tommy stepped aside and made a dorky little half-bow so Skye could get into the cooler. Apparently everyone contributed to the snack fund but Skye was the one who actually went out and bought everything because she had black market hook ups for the good chips and dip.
Once everyone had raided the cooler and they had all spaced out six feet so they could take off their masks to eat and drink, Ravi raised his can of flavored seltzer and said, “And now it’s time for the traditional poetry reading. Kay has chosen this week’s selection.
Kay, who had an undercut and a septum piercing, said, “You know I had to go with my girl Mary Oliver. You know it, you love it, it’s Wild Geese!”
Everyone cheered, and Buck found himself exchanging a bewildered look with Tommy and Tommy’s politely baffled eyebrows.
From their back pocket, Kay pulled out a phone and began to read. It was a short poem, but it filled him with a sweet ache, like the relief he felt when a wound had been sutured closed. Tommy’s face had softened with each line, and by the end he looked just like how Buck felt, like pain had given way to ease. And then it was over, and Buck wished he’d though to fix his mask back into place so he could have stood shoulder to shoulder with Tommy as they experienced the poem together.
“So,” Ravi said once they were once again masked up and reformed into a loose circle, “what did you think?”
“I wasn’t expecting to be tackled so much,” Tommy said dryly, smile once more hidden away, “but it was fun.”
“Yeah, fun,” Buck said. “Hey, what’s up with the poetry?”
What was up with the poetry was that Ravi’s college roommate was an extremely shy kid named Joshua who Ravi managed to, in the words of Skye, cajole into joining their frisbee golf club using sweet words and a muffin. Joshua hated frisbee golf, but he liked poetry and old books, and so would sit on the sidelines reading to them between plays. And soon everyone had their favorite poets and poems and started bringing them to share with Joshua until it became a tradition after every game for one member to read a new poem they found.
“He had to move back home when his dad got sick,” said Chad, who looked exactly like one of Buck’s roommates from back in the day who would howl without fail at three am every day but was in fact pursuing a masters in gender studies. “But we kept up the tradition, and we either facetime with him or send him the poem.”
“Oh, that’s really cool,” Buck said, who never had the kinds of friends who would do that. He didn’t even keep in touch with Connor, who he’d followed to LA like a lost puppy.
“It is,” said Beth, who was only slightly less violent than Skye, which was good since she was close to him and Tommy in height, “until Skye breaks up with her girlfriend of two years and does nothing but read Richard Siken poems for two straight months.”
Tommy winced, and Sky pointed an accusing finger at him and said, “I knew it! I knew you were one of us!”
Tommy’s eyebrows rose in a way that Buck could only describe as bitchy. “Kid, I was in the army under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. You’re one of me.”
“Wait, what does Don’t Ask Don’t Tell have to do with poetry?” Buck said two seconds before his brain caught up. “Oh, you’re—”
“Gay,” Tommy said, and now those bitchy eyebrows were trained fully on him.
“That’s cool! I mean, I’m an ally.” From outside his body, Buck watched as his raised his fist in the air in encouragement and wanted to die. But instead of death, he opened his mouth and said, “I put up a rainbow on my Instagram profile every June.”
Into the terrible silence that followed, Skye said, “So do you have a reminder about a flag programmed into your phone?”
“No,” he said quickly.
“Oh, he definitely does,” Chad said. “That’s adorable. Ravi, thank you for inviting him. He’s going into my thesis.”
Tommy leaned in close and said, “I think that means he likes you,” which almost made the mortification worth it.
Thank god a bunch of moms chased them to clean up and clear out so that their kids could kick around a soccer ball. He and Tommy carried the cooler back to Skye’s Subaru.
“You need to contribute to the snack fund,” Sky said, holding out a hand. “I only accept cash.”
Who carried cash anymore? Tommy apparently, and he handed over two crisp twenties. “You can get it next time,” he said, and gently knocked his knuckles into Buck’s shoulder.
“I’m adding you to the group chat,” Ravi said, and Buck was officially part of frisbee golf.
6. By the third meet up, Buck had given up on understanding the ever shifting rules and instead spent most of his time on the fringes talking to Tommy. They had started getting take out after the game and eating on Tommy’s back patio and then, because they were both fully vaccinated and careful, moving inside to watch the movies Tommy insisted he had to see.
“Do you miss going out to the movies?” Buck asked one day, perusing the two bookcases dedicated to DVDs and CDs.
“I don’t miss strangers breathing on me in the dark for two hours,” Tommy said dryly, “but, yeah, I miss it.”
“We should go when it’s safe.” Buck brushed his knuckles along Tommy’s shoulder. “I’ll buy you Twizzlers.”
The first time Tommy came to the loft, Buck was mortifingly aware of how empty it was, especially compared to Tommy’s carefully curated house. He didn’t have a single shelf of movies or even books. The only personal touch was the bike hanging on the wall, and it had been years since he’d been cycling. Thank god Albert never cleaned up against himself; his mess was the only sign of life in the entire place.
“I get the appeal now,” Tommy said, gesturing to the two balconies. “That’s almost gotta be worth what you’re getting gouged on rent.”
“Spent a lot of nights out here when I can’t sleep,” he said, and they ate lunch out on the balcony and listened to the city.
But mostly they snuck away when Buck’s leg and Tommy’s knee started acting up after too many tackles. They were deep in a discussion of which weird 80s fantasy movie to see next—Tommy was adamant that Buck needed to experience Tim Curry as the shirtless devil, and Buck wanted to see Labrinyth since he had remembered seeing that with Maddie and loving all the pupped—when Skye said, “This is why we don’t let you be on the same team.” She had evidently clawed her way free from a pile up that, as first responders, he and Tommy should really break up. “At least we’re both equally down a player.”
Tommy pointed to Buck’s leg and then his own knee. “There’s no way our old man joints would survive that.”
“Aren’t you firefighters?” she asked.
“I’ve seen the elbows you throw in there,” Tommy said. “Our job is less dangerous.”
“Ha!” Skye said, and then immediately proved Tommy’s point by trying to take down Ravi.
Chad gestured between them. “Whatever is happening between you two is adorable, and I want an invite to the wedding.”
Where Buck had been expecting Tommy’s to do their bitchy thing, Tommy’s expression instead smoothed out so quickly and completely that it felt like a flinch, like Chad had inadvertently pressed on a tender bruise.
“I don’t think he was trying to be an asshole,” Buck said once Chad had been dragged back into the pile.
“It’s fine,” Tommy said in a tone that meant it was absolutely not fine. “I forget sometimes that’s an option for me. It wasn’t for a long time.”
Buck thought of Abby and Ali and the dating apps he hadn’t opened in months, and said, “Yeah, I get that.” He touched the back of Tommy’s hand. “Want to raid the cooler while they’re distracted?”
They had snacks and made an effort to talk to people who weren’t each other, and then it was time for the ceremonial poetry reading.
Tommy stepped forward and carefully pulled out a piece of paper that had gone soft along the creases, like Tommy had folded it and unfolded it many times. Tommy cleared his throat and, a little shy, said, “This is called the undone cowboy writes to his sweetheart.”
And Tommy began to read.
7. These were the poems Buck had heard since joining the group: an ee cummings poem he remembered reading in high school; Frank O’Hara writing about New York; Sky choosing a poem about Jesus in a gay bar that had made him and Tommy tear up; a poem about the women in Stop & Shop.
He had liked all of them, but none of them had been read in Tommy’s soft, careful voice, and none of them had felt like they were spreading his ribs apart to let in the sun. God, he thought as Tommy read the last line, god just take my heart in your palm.
“I knew you were one of us,” Skye said, and tapped friendly knuckles to his shoulder.
8. The shift had been quiet enough that Buck was able to sneak away and grab the good bunk in the corner with the mattress that didn’t sag and replayed the poem in his head: could you lasso my legs, darling, and press me tender to hay bale?
Buck had spent the better part of a year working on a ranch. Hay was a lot less romantic and a lot more irritating than people thought. It pricked and itched, even through a carefully laid blanket, and Buck had no desire to have it anywhere near his dick and balls again.
And yet he placed his palm against his sternum and thought of leaning against a bale. The hay would try to scratch through his clothes but he wouldn’t notice it, not with how close Tommy would be standing. They were the same height and near the same size, although Tommy had more breadth across the shoulders and carried more muscle. Tommy was immovable when he wanted to be, and Buck had felt the heat of him when they collided on the field.
He pressed down on his own breastbone. It wouldn’t be hard for Tommy to move him. It’d be so easy; Buck would go without a fight. God, he would have to spread his legs so wide to let Tommy get in close, and Tommy would kiss as sweetly as he read the poem.
“Oh,” Buck said, ribs cracked open and his sternum filled with sunlight, “I’m one of them.”
8. Buck was a firefighter and there was a time for evaluation and there was a time for action, and so he showed up to Tommy’s house and said, “Are you the undone cowboy? Can I be your sweetheart? I, uh, also brought lunch. Hi.”
“Hi,” Tommy said, and he was laughing but not at Buck. “You want to come in, sweetheart?”
“Yeah, I really do,” Buck said.
9. Tommy kissed sweeter than the poem.
Buck sliced him an apple.
10. “I’ve got a poem,” Buck said, fumbling his phone out of his pocket. It wasn’t his frisbee gold reading, but this one was important. He wanted to get it right. “It’s from our girl Mary Oliver.”
“Yo Mary Oliver!” Kay shouted.
"It's I Did Think, Let's Go About This Slowly." He cleared his throat and began to read, and on the line, the important one, he met Tommy’s eyes and said, unafraid and full of joy, “‘But, bless us, we didn't.”
Tommy’s smile was still the most beautiful think Buck had ever seen.
11. They invited the entire frisbee golf club to the wedding.
BT Fairytale AU where born sorcerer Tommy was so frightened of his heart breaking that he cut it out and hid it deep within an ancient forest
And rumors grow of a precious treasure within the Curséd Forest (note the little hat on the e, it's extra cursed) that grants the finders their heart's desire
Except people go missing when they enter the Curséd Forest. It is Curséd after all.
And Evan the young, unloved prince who wants nothing more than to be loved, hearing about this treasure, and decides to prove his worth to his parents by locating it to give them their heart's desire — to have Daniel back as the heir to the throne
Since we're talking fairytales, we're getting magical talking animals and wise mentors and saucy companions, and Tommy who has disguised himself "helps" him but really tries to stop the prince over and over. He even turns Evan into a buck deer. Unfortunately his magical obstacles are nothing against Evan's sincere heart and sheer bullheadedness
and at the end of it Evan unearths the chest and opens it and there is a jeweled heart within, beating steadily, and when Evan picks it up, it beats faster. Tommy clutches his chest and gets ready to die
But Evan turns around and puts the jeweled heart into Tommy and looks into his eyes, unafraid and knowing
"You are the sorcerer of the crystal heart," Prince Evan says, and kisses Tommy. Tommy tries to ask about Evan's parents and their wish, but Evan just snorts. "If they truly desired it, they should have tried to search for your heart themselves"
Tommy holds Evan and asks, "what is your heart's desire?"
And Evan says, "to be loved fully and completely as I am, not as what someone else wants me to be"
heey y'all! Chapter 3 of Sunny Days is finally here, and it's angsty and h/c but I'm really proud of it and I hope you enjoy it too!
pls give it some love, here or on AO3 or both bc I'm greedy? love you <3
Unknown Number
Tuesday (ten days ago)
(4:45pm) Hey. This is Tommy, from Gina's café.
(4:45 pm) Hope you got home okay and before your sister.
(7:45 pm) heeey! :D
(7:45pm) yeah, i did! sorry it took me so long to answer btw, she just left haha
(8:00pm) No worries! Just wanted you to have my number.
(8:01pm) right. for lemon cake emergencies ;)
(8:01pm) Exactly. Lemon cake emergencies!
(8:03pm) tks again for today btw. me and sunny had a great time ☀️
(8:04pm) So did I!
Friday
(2:00pm) Hey. As promised: there's lemon cake!
(2:10pm) yay! omw! just gotta leash Sunny!
(4:30pm) today was so much fun! tks again Tommy :)
(4:31pm) I should be thanking you! The girls had a blast with Sunny.
(4:31pm) hehe so did her! she fell asleep as soon as I told her she was off-duty.
(4:32pm) ah, I don't judge her, I do the same when I'm off-duty lol
(…)
Saturday
(10:30am) save me Tommy. Tommy save me D:
(10:30am) What's wrong? Are you okay??
(10:31am) PT is awfulllllll D:
(10:31am) I don't wanna do ittttt
(10:31am) save me Tommyyyyy
(10:31am) say I don't have to do it
(10:32am) …Evan. You had me really worried for a sec.
(10:32am) I mean ittttt this man is a torturer spy disguised as a physical therapist
(10:32 am) he's trying to get info outta me I just know it
(10:33am) Well, maybe you should give it to him then.
(10:33am) I would if I knew what he wanted!
(10:32am) know what'd make me feel better?
(10:32am) lemon cake 🥺
(10:33am) Oh, would it now?
(10:34am) yeah 🥺 save me a piece? 🥺🥺🥺
(10:34am) I'll save you two if you promise to get through PT properly.
(10:35am) you got urself a deal, sir
(10:36am) Okay, then. Good luck on the rest of your session!
(10:40am) see you soon :)
(…)
Monday
(2:01pm) I'm boredddd at home :(
(2:01pm) Stardew Valley is not fun anymore?
(2:02pm) not after playing it all morningggg D:
(2:03pm) Come to the café?
(2:03pm) I'm here, so.
(2:03pm) No lemon cake today, but maybe you can try the carrot one? It's delicious.
(2:04pm) And Sunny could play with the girls?
(2:05pm) yeah that sounds amazing tbh
(2:05pm) me and Sunny will be there soon
(2:10pm) Great! We'll be waiting for you two. :D
Yesterday
(3:00pm) Hey! You coming in today? :)
(3:05) yup! omw :D
Today
(Now) Gina has a new donut recipe and it's life-changing. Should I save you some?
—
"Who's Tommy?", Maddies asks curiously, seeing the name when Buck’s phone lights up on the counter with a new text from Tommy.
Buck’s not sure why he blushes at the question, or why a small part of him doesn’t really want to tell her about him. Perhaps because Tommy is the one new thing in Buck's life that doesn't tie back to his accident. They've only known each other for ten days, but Buck has a great feeling about this part of his life.
A part of his life that feels completely his.
"Oh, he's just this dude I met a few days ago", he says, more casually than he actually feels. "He recommended me this dog-friendly café, and we've been talking a bit ever since. He's cool."
"Look at you going all social", Maddie tries to tease, but Buck can hear the actual pride and relief at her voice.
He's not sure how to feel about it. That his sister is proud of him for… going out and living his life? Meeting people on his own? At the same time it warms his chest, it feels… Weird. It doesn't feel right for Maddie to be proud of him for something that used to be… simple. Normal.
Buck doesn't answer, pretending to be busy getting ready for physical therapy. He wonders, though, if any of those feelings shows on his face, because Maddie's expression shifts to a slightly guilty one.
"I just mean it's good to see you up and about, you know? You're not the kind to enjoy long periods of rest", she says with a small shrug, and Buck chuckles despite himself.
"I am really not", he agrees, picking up his phone to answer Tommy ('yeah! I have PT right now, but will pass by later?').
Buck slips the phone into his pocket after Tommy's immediate reply ('Cool! I'll be here :)'), a small smile tugging at his lips. When he looks up, Maddie's looking at him with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow, a smirk forming on her face.
"You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd think this Tommy person was a crush of yours"
Buck almost loses his balance in surprise, and Sunny rushes to his side, agitated. He quickly calms her down with a couple pats to the head, but she remains by his side, her gaze fixed on him.
"T-Tommy's a guy", he scoffs, cursing the blush taking over his cheeks. "I'm straight"
"I know. That's why I said if I didn't know any better", Maddie says placatingly, but there's a curiosity on her face that reminds Buck of when they were kids — when she could always tell when he was lying.
Except Buck's not lying this time.
Right?
He is straight. Sure, sometimes a cute guy passes by him and he checks out his ass, but that's normal, right? Everyone does that.
And he definitely doesn't have a crush on Tommy. It's just… It has been a long time since Buck's had a new friend.
Surely eagerly waiting for texts and smiling when they arrive is something you do when you have a new friend… right?
"Well. So since you do know better, this whole conversation seems kinda pointless", he says pointedly, but Maddie doesn't seem deterred.
His sister can be so annoying.
"Right", she says slowly, grabbing her car keys and handing Buck his crutches. He's not sure when and how he'll be able to go back to driving, but he really misses it. "Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah", Buck says, transferring his weight from the counter to the crutches. "Sunny, let's go", he commands, and his dog stands perfectly still while Buck leashes her.
Very pettily, he sulks until they get to Maddie's car. And he doesn't mention Tommy again.
[Read more below the cut or on AO3]
Buck can't deny, though, that Tommy has become part of his routine. Stubbornly, he keeps telling himself it's not about Tommy, he just enjoys the café.
It becomes a lot harder to convince himself of that the first time he goes to the café and Tommy's not there.
He tries to shrug it off; after all, of course Tommy has days off. It's not like he lives there. Instead of sulking about it, Buck asks Gina for his usual coffee and a piece of chocolate cake, which is, of course, delicious — he's yet to try one of Gina's recipes and not like it. Spending time at the café kind of making him interested in baking, and he has half a mind to ask Gina for some tips.
It happens again the next day, and the wave of disappointment on his chest feels even louder. To distract himself from it, Buck does ask Gina about baking.
Once he does, they spend a long time talking recipes and some basic baking starters, which is fun — Gina knows her craft, and Buck thinks he could spend hours listening to her talk about flavor combinations and batter consistency. But the whole time, Buck is pretty sure Gina is waiting for him to ask about Tommy.
He doesn't. He really wants to, though, and that shouldn't be confusing. But it is.
He blames Maddie for that.
It gets even more confusing the next time he goes to Gina’s Roast about three days later.
Now that he's basically a regular at the café, Buck usually arrives and goes straight to his favorite table, letting Gina or Tommy just greet him there; it's easier on his leg not to stand for so long. Gina spots him right away and points to the coffee machine, mouthing 'usual?'. Buck gives her a thumbs up and then sits down, putting his crutches aside and giving Sunny a pet so she'll settle under his chair.
As he sits down and looks around, Buck tries to tell himself that he doesn't really care if Tommy is there or not.
He's not convinced.
Especially because Tommy is there, and he's holding Gina's one-year-old, Antonella. She's the cutest thing, with ginger hair just like Bianca, and a constellation of freckles on her rosy cheeks that make her look like a TV ad baby.
Seeing Tommy with her in his arms is… a vision. He's laughing openly, bouncing her around as if he's done it a thousand times before.
And Buck's stupid heart honest-to-God skips a beat.
He could be wrong, but… he doesn't think that happens to straight guys when they see their male friends, adorable babies on their hips or not.
…Huh.
Before Buck has time to dwell on it, though, Tommy spots him, and a bright smile shows on his face. He gives Antonella back to Gina and makes his way towards Buck's table. Sunny’s tail wags once, which is about the biggest display of enthusiasm she ever allows herself while on duty, but it's a clear enough sign that she likes Tommy.
Like service dog, like handler, Buck thinks, and promptly tells his brain to shut it.
He hopes he's managed to school his expression by the time Tommy reaches him.
"Evan, hey!", Tommy greets enthusiastically, sitting across from Buck without even asking anymore.
"Hey yourself", Buck says, smiling brightly. "Is Gina adding babysitting to your duties? Cause I think you could charge extra for that"
"Nah, with Nelly? I should be paying Gina for the pleasure, she's such an angel", he says, smiling at the little girl who's now perfectly content in her playpen behind the counter. "Bia was way more of a handful as a baby. If I had babysat a little more often, I'm pretty sure she would've given me gray hairs"
Buck really starts questioning his straightness when the image of a gray-haired Tommy does… something. To him. Before the heat climbing up his chest can show on his face, he wisely decides to change the subject.
"Wow, you've been working here a long time, huh? You knew Bia when she was a baby?"
Tommy frowns a little, clearly confused, and Buck wonders what the hell he said wrong. Or, even worse, if his very lewd thoughts about gray-haired Tommy are somehow obvious to the other man.
"I did know Bia when she was a baby, and Gio too, but I don't work here", he says, and Buck blinks.
"You don't?"
"No," Tommy chuckles, and Buck’s relieved to realize Tommy doesn’t seem offended by the assumption. "Although sometimes Gina seems to think I do. But no, I only help out when I'm off-duty. Flying is definitely enough of a job."
If Buck thought his brain was short-circuiting before, it's nothing compared to what it does now, with this new piece of (unfortunately, very hot) information.
"Wow! Y-you're a pilot?" Buck blurts out, and Tommy nods completely casual, as if he hasn't just revealed he's the coolest person alive. "That is so cool! It's like you have a superpower or something!"
Tommy shrugs, a small blush coloring his cheeks. He looks shy all of a sudden, and Buck wishes that would make his traitorous heart less interested, but it doesn't work.
If anything, it seems to cause the opposite effect.
"Ah, I don't know if I'd call it that, but yeah, um, it's nice", he says, smiling bashfully. "I mean, I'm definitely a bit of a geek about it. Sometimes I fly for fun on my days off. When I'm not hanging around here, at least"
"That's awesome", Buck says, and he's sure he looks like a starstruck idiot right now, but he can't help it. "So what kind of stuff do you fly? I knew a guy in Peru who flew jets for rich people and said it paid really well"
"That does pay pretty well", Tommy agrees, but then smiles cheekily. "But it's not what I do. I fly choppers, actually"
"Really?"
“Yeah. For LAFD.” Tommy smiles easily. “I’m a firefighter pilot.”
Buck blinks.
It's not like he hasn't heard the word 'firefighter' ever since his accident. Hell, most people in his life are firefighters.
Then why does hearing it said so casually from Tommy's lips feel like being punched to the chest?
For a second, Buck can barely hear the usual café noises over the faint ringing in his ears. He feels like he's underwater; breathing suddenly feels much harder than it did just minutes ago.
"…Evan?", Tommy's voice sounds like it's coming from miles away, and it takes all of Buck's willpower to look him in the eye. "Are you okay? You look pale"
Before Buck gets the chance to answer with more than a nod, Gina gets to their table, putting down two cups of coffee. She and Tommy exchange their usual kind of banter, and if Buck answers any of it, he doesn't remember. The only thing he remembers is the way the coffee burns his tongue once he takes too big a sip, desperately trying to ground himself. It makes him sputter a bit, and Tommy frowns, his expression turning to concern.
"Evan? Are you really okay? Was it something I said?", Tommy asks delicately, which makes Buck feel awful for the half-lie he's about to tell.
"N-no, I was just surprised, is all", he says, and is surprised by how normal his voice sounds. "Um, m-my sister is dating a firefighter"
"Oh, really? What's his name?", he asks curiously, reminding Buck that LAFD are a bunch of gossips. The reminder is, somehow, funny and painful at the same time.
"I-it's, um, Howard Han? D-do you know him?" Buck asks, desperately hoping for a negative answer so the conversation can end there.
The way Tommy's face lights up immediately crushes that hope.
"Howie? No way! Of course I know him, we used to be at the same station!"
"W-what?", Buck asks, unable to keep the surprise from his voice this time.
The loud ringing is back in his ears, his heart beating wildly against his chest.
Tommy used to be 118. Tommy used to be 118.
He used to walk the same halls, slide down the same pole, rush into the same firetrucks as Buck. Eat Bobby's family dinners. Play at the pool table. Lose to Hen at Mario Kart.
All the things he desperately misses now, Tommy knows them too.
That's…. more than Buck can deal with. Much more.
Sunny gives his good leg a nudge, resting her head on his knee and letting out a small whimper. Buck mindlessly scratches behind her ears, grateful for the comfort she's providing.
"Evan", Tommy's voice cuts through his spiral, and Buck realizes it's not the first time the other man called his name. He's looking at Buck with deep concern. "You're not alright. What's going on?"
"I, um… I don't know", Buck lies through his teeth, feeling awful about it, but the truth feels too painful right now. "I think… Maybe I overdid it at PT today. I'm a bit light-headed"
"Okay", Tommy says, and his voice takes that 'first responder' tone that Buck knows all too well and can't stand right now. "Let's put some calories in you, then. What do you want? I'll go get it"
"Um, a-anything's fine", Buck says. Anything to make Tommy go and give him a few minutes to compose himself. "Thanks", he adds.
Tommy leaves the table in a rush, and Buck hides his face in his hands, trying to take deep breaths and mostly failing. He hates this. Hates the memories rushing to him, the devastated feeling settling on his chest, hates that the café suddenly doesn't feel like a safe space anymore.
Buck faintly knows the girls will be back from school at any time, and that they'll want to play with Sunny while he and Tommy continue catching up. And just this morning, he'd been excited about all of that.
But now… He can't look at Tommy and not remember everything he's lost. It's not fair to Tommy, he's painfully aware. But Buck can't help it.
Can’t help but wonder how Tommy will react once he realizes who Buck used to be before his accident. Whether his expression will soften into that same pity Buck’s gotten so used to seeing these past few months.
He doesn't want to find out.
And if they keep hanging out, it's bound to happen. Tommy, Gina, the café… They're not the fresh start Buck was in desperate need of.
They're a mirror to his past. And Buck hasn't been doing well with mirrors lately.
He has to leave.
Bobby is used to feeling guilt. It's something that follows him since Minnesota, and ever since Buck's accident, it's gotten about a thousand times worse.
Seeing how well Buck had been doing had helped. He was adapting, going to his physical therapy, adjusting to life with Sunny (wonderful, darling Sunny, Bobby's always going to thank God for the day they found her), and Bobby had allowed himself to think things would get better.
Now, though…
It starts on a day where Bobby's supposed to take Buck to PT and, half an hour before he leaves, Buck texts him "hey, Bobby, won't make it to PT today. Kinda sore.".
Bobby doesn't think too much of it. Tries not to, anyway.
But then, it doesn't stop there.
Buck hasn't been to the station ever since the accident, and Bobby wouldn't dream of asking that from him until he's well and ready. But he's been keeping in touch with everyone by texts, and inviting them over, and hanging out in the house of whoever happens to take him to PT that day.
He'll also have meals with them when invited, so they all make sure to have occasions for inviting him very often. Bobby has very pointedly made more barbecues in the last months than ever before, and it's only partially because he has a backyard now.
It's not perfect, and Bobby misses the kid at the station every single day. He knows he's not the only one, either — he lost count of how many times Eddie's turned around to tell a joke to his best friend, only to grow silent, face fallen. How many times Chim and Hen have teased Bobby and looked around to see if Buck would join them or jump in defense of his captain (a fifty-fifty equation, usually), only to realize Buck wasn't there.
But he's still in their lives. In Bobby's life. And that's why it hurts so bad when Buck withdraws almost completely, in ways he'd never done before, not even on those first dark days after the accident, where the grief in his eyes gave Bobby chills, because it reminded him so much of himself.
Even in those days, Buck hadn't pulled away from them like he's doing now. He's finding any excuse not to have people over, skipping PT and, when he does bother to go, he doesn't invite anyone to go up anymore.
Bobby, of all people, knows grief isn't linear, so he's trying to give Buck some space and keep his worry to himself. For almost two weeks, he keeps telling himself that's what Buck needs; not someone hovering.
But then, he texts Buck with a "still want me to be your ride for PT today?" and gets nothing in return. Not even an excuse, not even a thumbs down.
Nothing.
"I mean, maybe he went with Maddie or Eddie and just forgot to check his phone. It's no big deal", he's saying to Athena with a calmness he doesn't really feel.
Athena hums thoughtfully, but her sharp gaze is focused on the Tupperware container Bobby is filling with carbonara pasta.
"It's not", she agrees. "But you're still worried."
"I just… it feels very sudden. I don't know what could have happened to get him to act like this"
"Is this for him?", she asks shrewdly.
"I'm just gonna drop it at his place", Bobby shrugs, faux-casually. "If he went to physical therapy with someone else, well, I think it'll be good for him to have a good meal afterwards."
Bobby sighs then, gripping the counter with both hands, and looks directly at Athena.
"Do you think I'm overreacting?"
"Baby, I think that if this was May or Harry I'd have invaded the apartment a week ago", she says, and Bobby's surprised by how validated that makes him feel.
"Yeah, well, that's different. Buck's an adult"
"Hence why you waited this long. But enough is enough"
"And Buck's not my kid!", Bobby realizes suddenly he should have led with that, and doesn't let himself wonder why he didn't.
"Uhum, keep telling yourself that, Bobby", she says, giving him an affectionate pat on the cheek, and Bobby doesn't dignify her with an answer.
Not that he'd have one, anyway.
Bobby uses his key to let himself into Buck's building, but decides to ring the doorbell before entering the apartment. If Buck's not home (or, a paranoid voice whispers in Bobby's ear, pretending not to be home), he'll just let himself in, put the food in the fridge and wait a bit to check on the kid when he's back.
He's not expecting Chimney to open the door. But he is relieved to realize he's not the only one who worried enough to come over.
"Hey, Cap", Chim greets, and the tone of his voice is enough to deepen Bobby's worry even more.
"Hey, Chim", Bobby answers warily, already scanning the apartment to check if everything's okay.
It's messier than Bobby has seen it ever since the first days Buck was home and still figuring out this new place, which wasn't even the original loft he had chosen — that one, with the bed upstairs, had quickly stopped being an option. On those days it had been an array of boxes and Sunny stuff. Now it's a different kind of mess, of takeout leftovers and clothes out of place.
Buck is in the middle of it, sitting on the couch and folded in on himself like he wants to disappear. Maddie is by his side, a pinch between her eyebrows that Bobby understands all too well.
Sunny is by his other side, her head resting on Buck's lap; she's not wearing her vest, but she doesn't get up to greet Bobby. She, like them, seems to sense that her human is not doing so well.
"Here, let me take that to the kitchen", Chim offers, already taking the food container from Bobby's hands.
Bobby barely registers it, his gaze laser-focused on the siblings in the living room. He comes closer, nodding briefly at Maddie and then looking at Buck.
"I brought carbonara", he says, because it feels easier than saying 'I was worried about you'. "Enough to last you three meals. Or two big ones, I don't judge"
Buck's mouth twitches a bit, and Bobby considers it a small victory.
"Yes, you do", he quips back, but it lacks the usual enthusiasm. "Sorry I didn't text you back, Cap, I was…"
He trails off, looking down again, and Bobby swears he feels a physical ache in his chest at Buck's sad expression.
"You don't have to apologize, Buck", Bobby reassures him. "But is everything okay? This isn't like you"
For a second, the silence hangs heavy in the apartment, only broken by a tiny whimper from Sunny. Buck looks at her, his hand buried in her fur, and lets out a shaky breath.
"Not really, no"
Bobby is surprised by the admission; Buck is usually the kind to grin and say he's fine no matter what. He and Maddie exchange a helpless look, and Bobby decides to come closer, sitting on the armchair so he can look Buck in the eye.
"Did something happen, kid?"
Buck opens his mouth, but closes it again, sighing heavily. He shakes his head.
"I… I don't think I can tell it again", he says.
"Buck… Can I?", Maddie asks delicately.
Buck presses his lips together, his hand still buried in Sunny’s fur. For a second, Bobby thinks he might say no.
Then he exhales, squeezing his eyes shut.
“…fine,” he says, barely above a whisper.
Bobby looks at Maddie then, a question clear in his eyes. She bites her lip, looking worriedly at Buck before looking back at him; it seems to Bobby she's searching for the right words.
"You… You know how Buck had been hanging out with this guy a few days ago? From the café?"
Bobby nods, a frown between his eyebrows. Buck had been very excited about going to this new café after physical therapy, and Bobby had smiled to himself seeing the way the kid absolutely glowed when answering the texts from this new friend.
Privately, Bobby had started to suspect Buck might be on the verge of figuring out something new about himself. He wasn't sure, and it wasn't any of his business unless Buck wanted it to be, but he'd already found himself mentally rehearsing an I'm proud of you, Buck speech just in case.
But he didn't think this was about Buck figuring out he had a crush on his café friend. He couldn't see Buck being this devastated about it, not even if it turned out to be unrequited.
"Yeah. Did something happen to him?"
"Not exactly, it's just… Well. Turns out he didn't work at the café as Buck originally thought", Maddie continues, and Bobby still has no idea what the problem actually is. "He… He is actually a firefighter"
Oh.
That's what the problem is.
Bobby looks back at Buck, but he is very deliberately not looking at him, unnecessarily focusing on Sunny's fur instead.
Bobby doesn't push it.
Buck's withdrawal is making a hell lot of sense to him now.
"Not just a firefighter, either", Chim says, coming to stand at Maddie's side. He casts a worried glance at Buck, but then looks at Bobby as if he's about to share something only the two of them will understand. "You're not gonna believe it, cap. It's Tommy."
It takes Bobby a second longer than usual for the name to click, preoccupied with Buck as he is.
"Tommy? Tommy who?", he asks, but then widens his eyes once it dawns on him. "Wait, Kinard?! Tommy Kinard?!"
"Yeah. Tommy Kinard", it's Buck who answers, his voice miserable.
Bobby looks between the three of them, waiting for someone to say this is a joke. He can't believe this; he sort of wants to scream at the universe on the kid's behalf. Eddie and Chim are always joking about Buckley luck (well, they used to; the jokes stopped being funny once Buck stopped escaping unscathed from his unlucky endeavors), but Bobby is starting to wonder if that's a real thing.
What are the odds that, once Buck finally starts building a new life for himself, the first friend he makes turns out to be a former member of the 118?
It's borderline ridiculous.
Bobby doesn't say any of that, though. He can deal with his own feelings about all of this later.
For now, he looks at Buck. And he sighs heavily.
"Oh, Buck."
Buck doesn't answer. His hand tightens in Sunny's fur, and Bobby doesn't know what else to say, how to fix this. Maddie and Chimney also seem at a loss for words.
"Was he… Did he say something? When you told him?"
Buck's shoulders tense, and he gives Bobby a fleeting look that he knows all too well. It's Buck's usual expression when he's done something he's not particularly proud of.
"Buck?", Bobby presses gently.
"I… I didn't tell him", Buck mumbles. "In fact, I… I haven't talked to him since I found out"
The expression in Chimney and Maddie's faces show Bobby that this is news to them as well. Bobby wonders if part of Buck's misery isn't related to the fact that he simply misses Tommy already.
(And oh, Bobby realizes in the back of his mind, this might mean he’s learning something new about Tommy too, but he files that away immediately. Buck is the priority right now.)
"Okay", he says carefully. "Why not?"
"Because!", Buck finally snaps, and part of Bobby is relieved to see him reacting. "I don't want it to become a thing! I liked that it wasn't a thing with him!"
His outburst is followed by silence, and Maddie, Chim and Bobby exchange another helpless look. Sunny moves slightly, nudging Buck's leg with her nose, and that seems to deflate him again.
"I just…", he sighs. "It felt new there, you know? With Tommy, and Gina, and the girls and… It was a place where the accident didn't matter. They never asked. And… And now it feels like…"
Buck trails off, but Bobby understands anyway. He knows very well what it feels like to be looked at by the people who knew what the worst moment of your life felt like; knows it so well that he crossed the country to flee from that feeling.
"Like your fresh start wasn't fresh at all?", he offers.
Buck looks up. For the first time since Bobby walked into the apartment, he actually looks at him.
"Yeah," he says quietly. "Something like that. It feels like if I tell him, then… Then that's another place where I'm the guy who lost his leg under a firetruck. Will I ever be able to stop being that guy?"
Bobby doesn't have an answer to that, even though he desperately wishes he did. Maddie is gently rubbing circles on Buck's back, looking at him as if she wishes she could take the pain away. Chimney, however, has a frown between his eyebrows and looks like he's waging an internal battle.
Eventually, the side that wants to speak wins.
"Buck, I get it. I promise I see where you're coming from", he says, his arms crossed over his chest. "But… Does Tommy?"
Buck looks up at him in surprise, and so does Maddie. Chimney, however, stands firm, and Bobby appreciates him for that.
"I'm just saying, man, from where he's standing, you guys were really hitting it off, and you just disappeared on him, and he has no idea why", he says, not unkindly.
Buck shifts on the couch, looking uncomfortable. Eventually, he nods.
"I know. You're right. Tommy… He's a great guy, and he's done nothing wrong. I just… I don't know how to talk to him now"
"He's still the guy you met, Buck", Maddie says gently. "Things don't have to change"
"You know that's not true", Buck says, and Bobby privately thinks he's right.
"Okay, maybe it's not", Bobby concedes. "And you don't have to keep hanging out with him if you're not ready for that. Just… Don't keep him wondering if he did something wrong."
Buck sighs, nodding minutely.
"Yeah. You're right, Cap."
"I usually am", Bobby jokes, and is beyond relieved when that gets a small smile and an eyeroll out of Buck.
That reaction seems to clear the air a bit, and some of the tension leaves all of their shoulders. Bobby decides to keep the momentum going.
"Now, wanna check out this carbonara I made?", he nudges Buck's shoulder. "I'll even give you the recipe"
"You better", Buck says, reaching for his crutches. "And I've baked brownies, so we can have that for dessert"
As they head to the kitchen, Sunny quickly leaps to the floor, standing perfectly still so she can help Buck with his balance if necessary. However, he gets himself up from the couch without assistance; the kid's getting better at it every day. Once he gets his prosthetic, he'll probably be unstoppable.
Bobby can only wish that Buck's heart would adapt this well.
After the truck bombing and the surgeries on his leg, Buck has trouble getting off.
He wants to want to get off, but his heart and well--dick--just aren't in it.
In addition to being frustrating and making him cranky, it's starting to undermine his sense of self.
He tries everything that has worked for him before...conjuring his favorite fantasies, porn, sexting, and--once he's healed and no longer in a cast--hooking up with a stranger (it was disappointing for all parties involved).
He begrudgingly looks for answers online; tries teas and supplements, various toys, more porn, even meditation.
The meditation app does help a bit with his stress levels, but he's still not able to come.
Until he discovers a different type of app, the structure of which is not too different from the meditation app--there are stories and guided recordings--except they're all designed to get the listener off; talk them through it, as it were...
Buck's curious and desperate and lonely. Maybe it will help to have a voice in his ear, somebody he can pretend is there without the added stress and worry of disappointing them.
There are many different ways to filter the recordings; by length, by gender of the artist, by scenario, etc. There's an overwhelming amount of content and Buck doesn't quite no where to start, but there's even a "getting started" audio guide from one of the co-founders of the company, Tommy Kinard, so Buck clicks on that. Something about the Tommy's voice relaxes Buck and makes him want to hear whatever else he might have to say.
He also finds himself getting hard just from Tommy explaining the different features and subscriptions available; thinks, yeah, he could talk somebody through it...
He learns that Tommy isn't just the co-founder, but has his own series of recordings as well and Buck can't resist finding out just how Tommy would get somebody off
He puts in his earbuds and starts a guided recording; Tommy's deep, commanding voice telling him when and where and how to touch himself and Buck flushes with shame and a few other feelings he can't name when he comes before Tommy tells him to. He still finishes the recording, absently stroking his dick, as Tommy's voice settles him into a rich after-glow, feeling like's he floating.
When he finally comes back to his body, Buck clicks play on the next recording. He's too satisfied--euphoric, relieved--to feel embarrassed that by the end of the day, he's made it through a quarter of Tommy's content.
By the time his next shift rolls around, he's made it through the whole thing.
His libido settles back into its baseline after that, and he finally successfully hooks up with a woman he meets at a bar, but the app--especially Tommy's recordings--become a fixture in his sex life.
On the nights Buck has trouble sleeping, he listens to the sleep stories on his meditation app and on the particular lonely nights, just as he's drifting off to sleep--in that liminal space between dreaming and awake--he wishes he had Tommy's voice in his hear--not telling him how he'd get Buck off, but describing how he'd cuddle him, what he'd make him for breakfast in the morning and...it takes Buck maybe longer than he's proud of to make sense of his desire.
He sits with the thoughts and feelings and everything he can't quite name or put a label on.
Buck's standing in line at his favorite coffeeshop, behind a broad, built dude whose ass he can't stop staring at the first time he considers updating his dating app preferences.
And when it's the guy's turn to order, Buck freezes at the sound of his voice; familiar, even if it's pitched a bit higher than Buck's used to. Maybe it's not him, Buck tries to rationalize to himself, to his body--that is working really hard to betray him right now. He tries to concentrate on anything but the sound of that voice, the one he's been getting off to and falling asleep to for months now.
the name the guy gives the barista is Tommy and Buck's heart is officially hammering in his chest.
Tommy walks away, to the end of the counter to wait for his drink and now it's Buck's turn and suddenly he's forgotten everything he's ever ordered, his tongue feels heavy in his mouth as he mumbles, "I'll have what he had" even though he was very much not paying attention to what Tommy ordered.
Buck pays and walks to the end of the counter where Tommy's still waiting for his drink. Tommy turns and yes, it is his Tommy--well, not his--but it's definitely Tommy Kinard, Buck's looked at his picture on the app and website enough to recognize him; to recognize that cleft and jawline.
Tommy's eyes meet his and Buck's working up to a greeting when he gets distracted by the way Tommy's throat bobs as he visibly swallows.
Buck blushes, barely resists the urge to pull at his shirt collar. "H-hi."
Tommy smiles. "Hi."
"I'm a big fan of your app."
Tommy's eyebrows raise. "Oh!"
Buck wishes for a sinkhole to appear and swallow him whole. "I'm so sorry. Was that weird? That was weird--"
Tommy laughs. "I've definitely gotten weirder. I'm glad to know you're a fan."
Buck is saved momentarily from further embarrassment by the barista setting down his and Tommy's drinks.
"So,"--Tommy glances at the to-go cup--"Buck, if you don't have anywhere to be right now, would you like to share a table with me?"
Buck grins. "I'd love that. On one condition--"
Tommy shrugs one shoulder. "Name it."
"Call me Evan."
Tommy offers the hand not holding his cup. "It's nice to meet you, Evan."
Buck shakes his hand and doesn't want to let go. He never knew how sweet his name could sound.
This is so funnn sorry I got carried away again riffing on your idea...
Buck sitting down being so interested in everything about the process both because he's into Tommy but also just thinks it's SO COOL and was so helpful to him trying to work through his injury and his sexual function trouble - apologizing if he's oversharing (Tommy says he's not, thanks for checking but he's interested to hear) but telling him about how it messed with his head, dealing with the injury and being kept from so many aspects of who he sees himself as, and how much it helped him feel like himself when Tommy helped him find his orgasms again.
Tommy - who got into this work in the first place in part as a way to cope with his own sexual dysfunction - being both very flattered and horny and maybe a little freaked out when he finds out that Evan mostly only listens to HIS stories. They talk all the way through a second coffee because not only is Evan so very much his type, Evan has so many interesting questions that aren't just weird horny line-crossing shit (even though it's definitely a little flirty on both sides). Unfortunately eventually Tommy has somewhere to be and well, they just met and it's a little weird anyway (for both of them) so Tommy goes, "Sorry I've got to run but drop me a line on one of my public socials sometime, I'd love to hear what you think about our new series."
And Buck is like, a little torn between thinking maybe that was just a nice brush-off or was really sincere, but he absolutely listens to the new module (they're trying a new duo of actors doing a bisexuality-focused storyline) and has soooo many thoughts he can't resist sending the message to Tommy in the end.
Tommy replies that he's really grateful for the feedback, and they keep chatting about Evan's feedback, but also carefully delving into more personal topics more and more. Buck starts telling Tommy whenever he's used the app and giving feedback on everything he listens to. Tommy gets brave and records some new content very obviously based on the inspiration of having met Evan and a fantasy about what it might have been (if he was the sort of guy who could just hook up with a stranger, which he isn't really because if he really likes someone his nerves get in the way of his dick). The whole thing is also leaning into some key points Evan had told him he liked.
Buck absolutely clocks the premise of the story. Sends a bunch of messages telling Tommy how much he liked it and how much he liked meeting him and asking more questions asking where he gets his inspiration - asking if they could talk again sometime. Basically just desperate to try and find out without directly asking (and risking making it weird) - was it real? Was that how you felt about meeting me? Or was it just borrowed for inspiration? Is there a chance for us here?
Tommy gives him his number this time instead of answering all his questions over text. They have a call and Buck's asking all about his process, and that segues not-so-subtly into about his dating life asking whether the things he talks about reflect his own desires or are a separate sort of primarily creative writing. Tommy tells him that while he takes inspiration from a lot of places, a lot of it is himself being put into the stories. He gets a little bold and tells him about how when he gets writer's block he sometimes goes and picks up guys for one-offs to ground himself in a real experience again.
Buck is flirting hard as he can without making it too weird and hoping desperately that Tommy will choose him for some inspiration - he finally just says, "If you ever need some more inspiration, I'm uh - I'd be happy to help with that." and Tommy says, "Trust me, you already do." And Buck is like - about to combust over the phone and is like, "I can do more."
And like they so obviously both want each other, but Tommy is more than a little nervous about the idea of having physical sex with Buck because he's scared he won't live up to the fantasy. When he picks up guys it's usually a stranger that he doesn't have to worry about disappointing with his usual struggles with sexual dysfunction - it's easier to get hard when he doesn't care so much, and even if it doesn't happen he can just get them off some other way and never see them again.
Tommy doesn't want to admit all of that, so he ends up telling Buck he doesn't want to just hook up with him - tells him he likes him and especially given the way they met and how Buck already has this sexual relationship with his voice, he wants to take things slow physically while they get to know each other without the sex part overwhelming things… if he's interested.
Buck is so interested - honestly he's a little nervous about being with a guy for the first time and fucking it up too anyway, and besides, his leg is still healing up and this way he won't be tempted to overexert himself. While they're flirting and talking about it, Buck sort of suggests what if he narrated his own stories for Tommy - maybe there's a little miscommunication where Buck meant it as a personal thing to try and level the playing field in terms of sexual intimacy they've shared via the audio format. Tommy misunderstands a little and thinks he wanted to do it for the app or something to try it out because he's had so many questions and been so interested in it anyway - or maybe not that but he liked the idea a ton and just meant to offer to let Buck use the high quality audio equipment so it would be the best possible, and Buck got confused and thought he meant do it for his app. Maybe both or whatever lmao Buck would be excited either way and so would Tommy.
So Buck goes over to Tommy's place to record using his equipment. Tommy puts him in his little recording booth and tells him he's just going to let it record and he won't even listen until later if that makes it easier - which it does for this first pass. Buck takes to it immediately though, because he's always been good at talking during sex anyway, and because he's basically telling Tommy what he'd like to do with him but with a shred of plausible deniability that lets him feel free to do it when he's sitting in the next room over. He just looks at him through the tiny window in the soundproof booth, tells him all about how he imagines it might be and all the things he's curious about and wants to try with him - whenever Tommy's ready. He'll wait.
Tommy doesn't listen to it until later. They just go to dinner and have a really nice date and then don't kiss each other at all even though they say goodnight from spare inches apart kind of drowning in sexual tension, and it feels incredible. Buck is riding that same kind of high he got the first time he learned how to wait for someone all over again.
Tommy chickens out of listening to it and sends it to his editor to just be like - hey I need an unbiased opinion is this any good? The editor is like. Uh. Yeah buddy. It's fuckin' good. In fact I only have to edit out a couple of uses of your name and description of your features and a tiny bit of intro nerves. It'll fit in great with some of our short-form fantasy stuff. So they produce it, and it's a big hit with the users of the app - very much including Tommy who has an incredibly satisfying orgasm listening to it - so on every level Tommy is motivated to ask him to continue doing it.
Buck loved doing it, it turns out, so he gladly says yes - especially when Tommy admits that he really enjoyed it, personally. So Buck keeps coming over before their dates to do recordings while eyefucking Tommy who can't hear him through the soundproof booth. Tommy records his versions after they separate for the night at the end of the dates and he talks about what he would have wanted to do if they hadn't said goodnight at the door. They keep dating and not having sex in person, even though they're both definitely getting off to each other's voices in the app.
It also really helps Buck to have this new project and relationship to focus on while he's healing his leg and so he's less crazy about getting back to work at an impossible timeline and ends up healing up much better just more slowly and there's no clots and no lawsuit and whatever. He just gets back to healthy and gets back to work - and now he's got all these nights in the bunk room daydreaming up new fantasies to tell Tommy.
Tommy is pretty much dying listening to them all because he's getting even more stressed realizing Buck's never been with a guy - because it turns him on like crazy, knowing that he could be his first, but that just makes it more and more intimidating at the same time. He desperately needs to not fuck it up for Evan because he likes him SO much the more they keep dating and he's SO sure his stress would mean he would absolutely fail to get or stay hard and would ruin everything.
So Tommy keeps putting the brakes on for anything physical, freaked out entirely that he's going to ruin his relationship either way because eventually Evan is going to get tired of waiting, isn't he? And maybe Tommy doesn't even really realize that Buck already kind of knows why Tommy's holding back - maybe Tommy basically forgot he did a series partly about sexual dysfunction back in the early days of the app, talking through getting pleasure without getting hard or getting off with some big orgasm. That series was so crazy helpful to Buck in the beginning because in it Tommy kind of talks about how it's something he deals with a lot and the ways he's learned to work with his body instead of against it, and it all made Buck feel so much less alone back when he was really struggling. So he already has a pretty good idea that maybe that's part of it.
So they're just recording things back and forth at each other, getting more and more intense and intimate with their fantasies while going on dates and not having any physical sex together at all, which only fuels their inspiration with wild sublimation. They make it a series, trading between them - 80% of the users are obsessed with it (and 20% are complaining they feel left out, but eh, there's plenty of other content for them).
At some point Buck and Tommy go to some 118 barbecue or party or something and Buck is so happy and proud of his boyfriend and not at all shy to talk about what Tommy's company does, even though this is basically him coming out to them all too because he worked out his sexuality while he was stuck at home alone being kind of left out of the firefam and he just kind of never mentioned to anyone else that he's bi because he had already moved on by miles in his head when he was finally back at work. Since everything was so good with Tommy he wasn't asking for relationship advice, and when Tommy came up it was in the context of normal work-appropriate stories about activities they'd done so with everyone assuming he's straight it just sounded like he'd made a new good friend while injured.
So people are more than a little confused the way he's making moon eyes at the guy he introduces as his boyfriend and probably prying a little more than they should, and somehow it comes up that Tommy's never actually seen Buck's place - neither of them have actually seen each other's bedrooms - and someone goes, "Wait, hold the phone. You've been together for like six months and you haven't even had sex?"
And Tommy's a little mortified and is about to say something to the affirmative even though he sees the judgy confusion from Chim and Eddie and the speaking looks Karen and Hen exchange, when Buck laughs and says, "No, we have tons of sex, actually!"
Tommy's kind of stunned, thinking Evan's maybe covering it up for them to seem normal but Buck keeps talking saying, "We just do it indirectly, over audio and stuff. Sure, our sex life is kind of unconventional, but it really works for us. Honestly I think more people should be deliberate and thoughtful and creative about how they engage in sex instead of just going with the same old whatever they consider normal. The way we do it is incredibly intimate and satisfying," and he's smiling at Tommy so happily and squeezing his hand and perfectly contented.
Bobby probably senses Tommy's as uncomfortable as he is and nudges things in a new direction and dinner resumes as usual, though Tommy isn't really listening to anything much after that. In fact he's feeling a little insane about it because - Evan's right. It works for them. They've gotten this far and it hasn't imploded at all, they're happy. Which means it'll probably also work if they have sex in person and he can't get it up. Which means he might be able to get it up anyway sometimes if he stops being freaked out about getting it up. And either way it doesn't matter because they can have the sex they're already having, but they can make out now too and maybe have sleep-overs and -
When he's walking Evan to his door that night, he backs Evan up against his closed door and kisses him goodnight and it's just this utterly filthy, intimate, passionate thing that absolutely leaves in the dust any of the soft little goodbye kisses they've exchanged so far, and Buck is like, melted against his door and breathless and staring at him with this mix of lust and hope and confusion and concern.
"I like the sex we have too," Tommy says, his heart pounding as he presses intimate, exciting little kisses into the line of Evan's jaw, and up into his ear and his throat in ways that he's never dared to risk treading before lest he start something he can't finish. "But I think I'm almost ready for some other kinds of sex now too, if you're still interested?"
And Evan swallows hard and nods very hard and says a breathless, "Any kinds - whatever you like."
"I might not be able to do everything you've imagined… maybe not even a lot of it. I have trouble sometimes in person," Tommy finally admits, and the thing is Evan doesn't look surprised or concerned or confused or any of it.
He just nods and says, "I know. I don't expect - we'll just do whatever feels good, right? That's all I care about, making you feel good."
"Yeah? Me too," Tommy says, and kisses him again, and Evan clings to him a little bit, groping him back to the same degree Tommy gropes him - and Evan's so obviously hard in his pants - but he doesn't fight when Tommy finally pulls away and says, "Not tonight."
He just says a breathless, "Okay."
"Tonight I'm going to go home and record everything I'm thinking about doing to you right now," he tells him, meaning it more honestly now than he ever has because he explains, "I'm going to tell you about what I think might actually happen, not what I wish would happen. And if it all sounds okay with you after you listen to it-"
Evan nods sharply and says, "It will, Tommy, it will."
Tommy is terrified to hope but he can't help but believe him, he sounds so sure. So he says, "Then maybe next time we can try it."
And then he leaves him there standing against his closed door, hard and yearning and goes home and does exactly as he promised. He hits a lot of the highlights of things he often talks about, but this time he talks about how he probably won't get all the way hard no matter how much he wants him - because he wants him too much, because he's going to be nervous about screwing up. Talks about how he wants to feel Evan's mouth on him anyway, even if he can't cum. How he can't wait to taste him, to use his hands and his fingers on him.
It's hard to get it all out, to admit to some of the things he's afraid of, but in the end it's cathartic, and the thing that really amazes him is he's not actually nervous when he sends it off. Seeing the way Evan had so honestly and openly championed what they have to his loved-ones unlocked something in him. He's feeling secure enough in their relationship now, where they are with things, that he believes it's actually going to work.
And he's right.
They have sex and it's - by almost any standards - terrible. They're both so nervous to start with it's a total shitshow, and for one moment Tommy thinks it's all going to turn sour, but they start laughing, just laughing together - and after that they're just having fun. They try and bail on several things, and eventually they stop trying to have sex and focus on making out - which is amazing actually. They go to sleep together without either of them getting off, and in the morning Evan is looking at him so soft and so happy and -
Yeah, it's perfect.
After that they do get better at having sex together. Tommy doesn't get off a lot of the time, but he loves getting Evan off, loves the way Evan touches him so well even when he doesn't make it to the finish line. They find all sorts of ways to share pleasure, just by learning each other's bodies and getting comfortable but also with toys and other supports.
They still record fantasies for each other, though maybe a little less frequently than they used to, but they're also a little more honest and less idealized, which a segment of the userbase really responds well to. Buck does a special series specifically for listeners dealing with sexual dysfunction where he plays the role of a supportive partner who doesn't expect something they can't give in a way he wishes Tommy'd had from him earlier in their relationship.
The fans of their little seduction series really lose their minds though when they start recording a joint series with both of them in the booth talking through mutual fantasies and quite possibly fucking on mic. It evolves into a regular thing they do that actively puts the listener in the position of playing voyeur or cuck or third in a threesome fantasy, and remains an incredibly popular part of their brand.
Maybe some people think it's weird as hell that only half of the sex they have actually involves touching each other or getting off but they don't care at all, they're too busy just being so fucking happy together.
It takes a lot to surprise Evan Buckley, especially after everything he's seen and done in his 34 years. Hell, the last 10 years alone could be its own novel, and don't even get him started on the last 4.
The fact that he's currently sitting tucked away in a dimly lit booth at a dingy bar with the ex he never quite got over...well, he can safely say it's up there. The fact that it's been well over a year since they last spoke and Tommy agreed to meet without any hesitation definitely took things up a notch.
Tommy suddenly leans in closer, struggling to be heard over the noise. "l'm glad I came out tonight. I've never been here before."
"Yeah, I love you."
And Buck freezes, because there is no way he just said that.
I love it here.
That's what he had intended, and he's absolutely certain that's what came out of his mouth. Except the shocked and confused look on Tommy's face is currently telling a different story.
"Sorry, I need to, uh.."
Disappear. Be anywhere else. Add this to my list of 'what the hell' moments.
"...get another drink."
He's halfway out of the booth before Tommy catches his wrist.
"Evan, wait. Please sit down."
And he does, so willingly that it's almost embarrassing.
"If that was an accident, if you didn't mean it, or even if you just meant it platonically, tell me. Tell me, and we'll pretend it never happened. I'll move on and we can continue just being friends. But if you meant it…I need to know."
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