i once asked you: "why do you drink so much?" in which you gave me that half-smile of yours.
you know the one. twisted lips with a soul beyond repair as if you've seen the world and known its end... just waiting for it to come. the one where you know the answer to my question but won't fucking tell me.
but then you countered with "you do the same."
it's different, i had insisted back then and i still believe in what i said. you see, i don't look like as if i want to drink myself to death.
so kyungsoo, i just want you to be honest with yourself. don't have to tell me a single thing.
can't say that because he would be disappointed. probably would strangle me himself if he saw me. so no, i'm not.
if i was suicidal, why would i pick such a method to go? it would be easier with arsenic or preferably a cyanide pill. could easily fly to belgium under the pretence of seeking euthanasia. it's simple enough. costly poison injected and you die peacefully and with dignity, at least that's what they say.
what excuse in order to get euthanised?
unbearable suffering. it was, after all, pardoned for that criminal as well as the twins and the transgendered man. i've tried therapy, worked on my depression, and i could easily talk my way into it. deeper and deeper, about how quality of life has decreased.
but to die from a broken heart sounds even dramatic to my ears.
and if i was truly that way, perhaps i would have picked up other habits, tried something else with more consistency.
smoking for example. except the lag time is 20 years before the repercussions actually kick in. a painful wait and an even slower death. months of chemotherapy. if lucky: i'm 50 with small cell lung cancer. advanced so that without treatment its only a month or two. but it metastasises and is fucking painful. far too slow.
not that i particularly want to die. can't actually. pan wouldn't forgive me. so in order to honor his wishes, i won't. but accidents happen. one day i could be hit by a bus or fall down a flight of stairs and break my neck. or perhaps i accidentally indulge in alcohol and overdose.
it's a bet but i'll take my chances. see, then i'll have an excuse. say it wasn't for you, it was an accident. the doctors didn't make it in time. neither did the rest. and if i was so fortunate to recover then the aftermath of alcohol poisoning... well let's hope this body ceases to function 100% and i can once again request euthanasia. for myself and not for anyone else.
Even Taehyung knows he’s a little late despite being the type to forget about flow of time (where he usually ends up coming late to wherever he’s going,) and given how he got lost and delayed, he can’t do much except offer an apologetic smile and step inside, squishing the other in a tight hug.
He lets go before anything serious can happen, - like earning a chop from Kyungsoo, - and he squats down to let Yuki lick his upturned palm.
"She’s soooo cute,” Taehyung stifles a whine, always getting carried away by the dog’s adorable features. Small animals are all it takes to get him super-excited (he never had a pet except for a fat goldfish when he was little.)
Taehyung looks up at his hyung, scratching behind Yuki’s ear; “Sorry, I got kinda confused with the bus stop,…”
"Also, …," Taehyung narrows his eyes, allowing for a small frown as his voice drops to a whisper, "Does this building really have no 13th floor?”
The young bassists seems to be seriously deep in thought about this, but only until the idea of having cold pizza sinks in;
"Cold? Is it really that cold? I mean, we can pop it in the microwave, right hyung?" he reaches for Kyungsoo’s hand, shaking it a little before he helps himself up, ready to devour everything in sight while keeping his eyes glued to the computer screen, - chances are he’d drop a pizza slice onto his shirt.
It is funny how quickly anger can die, annoyance slips away by squeezing it out of a soul. After all, it is much easier to forgive than forget. People just don't try hard enough. And perhaps there's affection tainting his lips or warming some portion of his heart. If so, he wouldn't complain. (He has an inkling it has more to do with the excitement of rewatching Elric brothers in action than anything else).
Physical intimacy not a foreign concept but he's never been comfortable with it to begin with. Hence his body stiffens a bit, arms hanging idly to the side. Perhaps he should ruffle the other's hair just like he does to Yuki but he's released before he can take action. Lips curl into a smile as the tension from shoulders are released, quietly observing the interaction between the human and his best friend.
There may or may not be one of those foolish smiles that grace proud parent's lips. A happy Yuki usually calls for a happy Kyungsoo.
"You could have just asked me," upon listening to the excuse but quickly adds: "you'll get the hang of it soon enough." Tries to reassure the other only to be carried away with the jumping of topics. Young minds, he can't help but wonder how long attention spans are. Perhaps worse than that of a goldfish.
"Oh we do. It's just that Doraemon doesn't want anyone to access it," he provides with a slight wink, not sure if the other will understand the reference to that one episode where Nobita moves out and resides in an apartment room that shouldn't exist... ah forget it. He might be getting too old for this and that alone is the most depressing thought.
"I..." he begins as he allows the youngster to help himself up. "I was exaggerating," he confesses, slightly ashamed as he diverts his glance to somewhere else. "But we can bake it a little if you wish to reheat it," adds before leaving to grab glasses from the kitchen - soda a compliment and a necessity for pizza. An offhanded wave in Taehyung's direction, invitation for a seat.
"As an apology, I expect you to keep Yuki entertained all evening," his maltese deserving some love and attention on a daily basis. "Do me a favor and start it will you?" he adds before walking over with the glasses in hand, the pizza already laid out on the tea table nestled between the television and the couch.
Her friend told her to take some time and hang out, she needed to relax and let loose but it was a hard thing to do when she was herself. So she did, taking off to the wheel, it was the first thing she wanted to do. She hadn’t been around things like this since she was younger, and when she did want to do go her parent’s told her now, ladies didn’t do that. This was like a dream come true, and she knew Eui was safe, so that was all that mattered.
It had been an easy ride, and she smiled when she saw they made it to the stop, but before she could enjoy it fully the whole stopped. It was a small jump and she looked around, people’s voices could be heard from various ends, and she could hear a kid crying faintly. She shifted and tried to look down a little but she couldn’t see anything but small dots. She didn’t want to start panicking but she could feel it coming over her.
The mess of stalls and booths spread out below him, organized in some sort of unorderly fashion, boasting a standard of colors that unify them together. Beyond the fenced borders is the expanse of the area he resides and perhaps beyond that is the heart of the city itself, closer and closer. A pulsing muscle and congested veins; home. That is, if home was a definitive place and not an emotion or feeling.
Kyungsoo isn't afraid of heights, doesn't mean that others aren't. So as he adapts to the rocking of a halted car, he listens and observes. A faint echo perhaps muffled by the wind and the glass, a plea for help. His gaze flickers to the companion of sorts, observing for signs but he's no medical student. Forced inhalation isn't as obvious until a panic attack sets in or something.
"Are you all right?" mostly out of concern. Just to double check because there would be problems on his hands if someone had decided to pass out right then and there.
☢ : Describe a thought or dream that would cause them to have a mental meltdown.
the soft tinkling of bells alerts you of the arrival of customers and before you look, you twist your lips into one of those smiles. it falls when your gaze lifts and probably apparent as well. there's a smirk on his face and disdain upon your mother's as you watch fingers dig into the sleeve of your brother's arms. they scrutinize every bit — from the wall papers to the innocent puppies milling about and you, especially you from head to toe. a deer in the headlights: you are bound to be run over.
you hear it before they say it: you left home in exchange for a pig sty? the words never cease to grate your ears, his unpolished language a family trait. do they still blame it on father or on you?
look at what you've become, they say and you do.
didn't even come close to your dreams did you brother? he taunts and you have nothing to retort with because the only gap narrowed is the physical proximity.
you are pathetic, he says and you can't help but agree.
and despite knowing intuitively this is nothing more than a dream, you still wake to a damp pillow and have trouble falling asleep afterwards.
somewhere down the line dreams gave way to reality. you can't help but wonder if this is a consequence of becoming an adult or that you were too weak to achieve it. the sad thing is, you're not sure which one is worse.
once upon a time, when the mind decided to be cruel and create such nightmares, there was a warm hand that would engulf your own and all the reassurance was in the gentle squeeze. it wasn't much but it acted as a barrier of sorts that despite all that you have failed to achieve you still had an ounce of a happy ending. since he is no longer here to keep such thoughts at bay, you have learned to hold hands with sleeping pills.
I’ve always envied people who sleep easily. Their brains must be cleaner, the floorboards of the skull well swept, all the little monsters closed up in a steamer trunk at the foot of the bed.
Benioff, David. City of Thieves. (via wordsnquotes)
He arrives around 5:00, afternoon wasted away to the aroma of coffee and the crinkling pages of newly bound books, involuntary as his feet steers him towards the carnival. It's hard to miss, especially the towering ferris wheel from this distance. The buzz and talk of Hongdae recently. He's not sure what he wants so he strolls through, watching the flushed cheeks and interlocked arms or the young children tugging at hems of shirts.
Kyungsoo plasters a smile to his face as he looks from stall to stall and the prizes hung on walls. It stirs childhood memories of longing to bury his face in the fluff of pink on white cones and then the more recent memories of the dissatisfaction when he tries it for the first time. Pan chuckles when he complains it's just sugar.
He needs some air or a drink -
His gaze lands upon the repetitive loop of boxcars in a circle and suddenly has the urge to see the city from a bird's perspective. The setting sun (or at least inching its way towards the horizon) in the backdrop convinces him further as he prays he'll be able to witness the twinkling flare as the carnival comes to life with lights.
There's forever a downside to traveling alone - this world is designed for two and more. Kyungsoo dips his head in acknowledgement as he climbs into the box, allowing a smile to grace his face before turning to the side to witness the scenery outside.
It begins to climb and so does his heart. He hasn't been so fascinated in a while and then
it halts. So does his heart as it swings once or twice in midair and he looks towards his unfortunate companion in question.
marathon could be fun, but i can't run...! ; taehyung & kyungsoo
✉ [ soo-chan ] ⇨ when shall we begin master-sama?
…beep.
[ txt sent ; Veagle ] depends on how fast your short legs can bring you here pup.
…beep.
Taehyung tosses the phone somewhere behind him and leaps out of the covers of his bed, a pile of questionable “Kawaii Tsundere” doujinshi falling over and down from his mattress (the flustered face of Fate Stay Night’s Saber adorning each cover.)
He rushes towards the bathroom to grab a quick shower, apply a satisfying amount of eyeliner and fix his hair, - before he throws on a simple grey hoodie and dashes towards the door.
At the very last moment he stops, - taps his forehead in thought, - the boy’s sure he forgot something, something… !
He returns to his bed and roams the bed sheets until his smartphone is produced from underneath his pillow, complete with a One Piece case adorning the plastic. Taehyung grabs his charger (like he promised), and leaves the apartment skipping, - one could say that the bassist’s in a really good mood that day.
After getting lost three times on his way (and refusing to contact Kyungsoo just because), - he finally arrives at his hyung’s doorstep, wiggling excitedly as he rings the doorbell.
The door opens, - and Taehyung spreads his arms, a broad smile on his lips, ;
✉ [ soo-chan ] ⇨ i put on some clothes and i’m there! ITTEKIMASU!
The vibration of his phone against the coffee table alerts him to the new messages in which he glances and doesn't bother to reply to. Pointless. Face to face conversation something Kyungsoo has learned to appreciate more in this day and age (perhaps a tell-tale sign that he's becoming old?). Misinterpretations bound to occur and people are more interesting to observe in flesh.
It buzzes again and he wonders if it is the youngster lost on his way only to be disproven. Pizza delivery guy. This is one of the few occasions in which he wished everything could be done through the internet (along with grocery shopping) but still politely answers with his apartment floor and number. The transaction is short, within five minutes, and even yuki doesn't bother to bark. Hopefully two large pizzas and a myriad of side orders is enough for a marathon. There's always microwavable popcorn and Kyungsoo can always make ramen.
All that there is left to do is wait.
And he does. Watching the clock tick by as he loads the episodes, allowing the first opening to play through before dragging the time mark back to 0:00.
A century later his doorbell rings. (Okay, he's being dramatic but when episode 1 of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood is fully loaded on your laptop its hard not to find every passing minute a year.) Kyungsoo jumps up and opens the door, not before ruffling yuki's head as the maltese gives a little yap.
"Took you long enough," allowing his eternal waiting to slip through in his tone but he can't hide his delight on his face, "the pizza is probably cold by now."
Daisy: How old were you when you had your first kiss?
Carnation: If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?
Jasmine: What color looks best on you?
Foxglove: Name three facts about your family?
Allium: What’s the best thing you can cook?
His chest heaved with exhaustion from a the rub, slowing to a steady walk as beads of sweat built along his hair line and streamed down his face. Panting and out of breath he came to a slow and steady halt, bending at the waist to place his hands on his knees and give himself a moment before entering the cafe he went to regularly.
Giving a good cough from his chest he straightened his composure and pulled the bottom of his shirt up to wipe the cloth along his forehead before finally walking inside Sangsang Dabang.
Kiba was rather hyper today and this is always where he went when they went on their second run of the day, his lips were try and with every swallow if felt like his tongue was sandpaper. It was a cute and convenient store for him to enjoy while also having his pet alongside him.
Stretching an arm out to grab paper towels he blotted the access sweat from his chest, neck and forehead before throwing it away and pumping three pumps of antibacterial sanitizer to his hands. Slipping his shoes off and leaving them at the door, he crouched down to let his pet free to play amongst the other pets before standing back up.
Pressing his hands against his back the best his arms would allow and bending back, scrunching his nose as he did so - he awaited the loud pop from his spine before letting out a sigh of relief.
Approaching the counter and finally capable of breathing at a proper rate, his eyes wandered up to the counter. Rolling his tongue along his bottom lip as he struggled to pick, raising a brow he turned his attention to the person behind the counter. “Any suggestions? Aish — i can’t pick, im so tired.”
Somehow he finds it therapeutic to dry the mugs and glasses. Three long hours ahead of him as he leaves the more arduous tasks of making the drinks to his employees. Kyungsoo quietly wonders if anything interesting will happen tonight. Otherwise he really should just reduce his hours to closing time, DGBD offers more entertainment during these hours. Most inhabitants of Hongdae are down that street anyways, exchanging lattes for alcoholic beverages.
Half a decade ago would he have done the same? Hard to tell, far too preoccupied with the necessity of proving the world wrong and filling pockets with cash. Funny how when you have half of what you hankered for, you no longer have the motivation to obtain the other half. He still can't tell if it's because his soul has corroded or because he's finally matured. Regardless of the reason, he's content on closing the shop and living his life they way he has dictated it to be.
The soft tinkling of bells alerts him to the presence of a new customer. Well, not new but at least of his arrival. Takes in the way he follows the regulations with a smile - respect goes both ways. Almost everything follows the golden rule after all. But for the sake of things, he allows his lips to purse as the male approaches.
"This isn't a dog daycare you know?" his tone is light enough and the lips tug until they give way into a smile. It is and it isn't. The dogs are his or his employees, most of them the shareholders'. Extended daycare or borrowed pets in some sense. But he doesn't mind, enjoys the way the dogs get along and greet their companion. Humans can only offer so much company, a seeming one sided relationship where the best friend gives them their all.
Beads of sweat, the attire, all hint at some sort of work out. Kyungsoo takes a glance at himself and wonders if he should at least do it once in a while (just not today). A chuckle escapes his lips at the words of the other. "Exercising doesn't impair cognitive functions," he reminds gently before doing what he is asked to. "Well it depends on if you want something cold or not. If you are daring, I recommend the jujube tea otherwise try one of our lattes or yogurt drinks."
two years ago when the young girl had moved to the bustling area she had been faced with a difficult choice—give up her dog. sad was his name, a young dalmatian who had never left her side until then. the dog had been taken away from her at the moment when she needed him the most; it wasn’t a memory that snow liked to remember, especially since the problem had been fixed, but every time that her eyes caught sight of the puppy cafe the memories came back. she had spent a lot of time here, trying to heal. unfortunately it didn’t help much. her mind was still as complicated and frightening as the mines of paris, and fate was still trying to test her strength.
but it wasn’t all bad, as much as snow wanted to say that all she ever did there was have meaningless interactions—that wasn’t true.
Ascension, I’ll never lie to get it
Fake people piss me off like diuretic
To die or live it, you know the choice is yours
Just make sure that the voice is yours
huh?
for a moment had forgotten that there was music streaming from her headphones, filling her mind with inspiration and being overshadowed by old feelings that had no business in her life anymore. but she liked to follow her instincts, and right now they were telling her to enter the cafe and spend what little money she had left on a sweet potato latte. and she did just that.
time passed without her knowledge and half an hour later snow was on her third cup of sweet potato latte and about half way done reciting the little prince to one of the dogs. “and then the little prince said ‘i can judge myself anywhere, i don’t need to live on this planet’. she had the small dog on her lap, he was provably asleep by now. realizing this snow stopped talking and heaved a sigh just before she spotted him. the old man who ran this place. “ahjussi.” she called twice to make sure he understood that it was him who she was calling out to. “ahjussi.” she motioned for him to come closer. “did you perhaps—change this recipe?” snow pointed to an empty cup in a rather serious manner. “it used to taste like dirt.”
the monotony of his daily routine provides comfort ; muscle memory established through time and circadian rhythm consolidated. since when had he become such a coward to hide in the comforts of familiarity? change too daunting, fear of loss too crippling, he's a shade of his former self - tamed by passing years and pan himself. it's pathetic, that much he understands but the serenity provided by security is something he can no longer abandon.
the only constant change are the individuals who walk through the doors, soft tinkling of bells above indicating their presence. one day he'll stay the entire duration to witness the behaviors but for now he allows himself to be whimsical, to explore the streets and the soul of this area. it's kind of sad how he registers none of their faces or names - just passing individuals and tangential lives. somehow he's tempted to keep it that way.
one of his employees to alert him of a minor. 30 minutes till the necessity of asking the young girl to leave (regulations created in the hopes that academics wouldn't be hindered by puppies). kyungsoo proceeds to observe, not quite a stickler to his own laws, flexible when the situation calls for and decides to make his own judgement. elbows settle on the counter in the lull of waning business, picks up the reading of the little prince and his lips curl in amusement. refreshing is the act of childhood innocence despite the futility of it. what was the chinese proverb again?
對牛彈琴. cows can't possible appreciate the harp, neither can a man's best friend fathom the knowledge presented in le petit prince. point proven by the slumbering figure resting on the girl's lap and he smiles out of fondness for his companions that keep this place running.
ahjussi
the young girl says. kyungsoo takes a quick glance around him. it is repeated again and he turns towards the minor as he points his index finger at himself in question. it is the only conclusion and he spies the way his employee's lips curl despite the attempts to suppress a smile and a laugh.
yes, he may be bordering that age when one ought to settle down and start a family but- opens and shuts his mouth. perhaps sadness has taken a larger toll on his appearance than he had expected. a sigh slips through his lips as he focuses on the young girl's questions, leaving the counter as he approaches.
kyungsoo's hands are folded in front of him, habit created from years of servitude, lips forming a perfect smile. "maybe because i had a hand in making it today?" he jokes. it is the usual matter that he leaves all the orders to his employees, trusting them to follow the recipes. "my apologies for the past experiences," kneels so it is less intimidating and less hovering, more of an equal height, "another latte on the house, perhaps?"
