here comes the sun...

the sun is shining & so are you.

[heartjockey]

MOVED TO @fckurselfie

[heartjockey]

i might ... shove alex onto my general canon multimuse now that it's been updated for the modern era of my existence and freed of themeing :') i feel bad bc i'm not on here a whole lot in comparison to my multimuses.

[heartjockey]

kenjrhkjernhm THANK U for bearing w me :') i'm moving alex over to @fckurselfie srry for the inconvenience but my god will this make it easier for me to write him on a proper / frequent basis. i'll carry things over myself from drafts / anything i want in my inbox so dw about that if we have smth going aaaa

[heartjockey]

i might ... shove alex onto my general canon multimuse now that it's been updated for the modern era of my existence and freed of themeing :') i feel bad bc i'm not on here a whole lot in comparison to my multimuses.

[ohisms]

↪     𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑳𝑬𝑺𝑺 𝑾𝑶𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 .    (  a  series  of  sentence  starters  from  season  5  of  syfy’s  “ warehouse 13 ” .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary . )

nothing to worry about on this end .

keep me posted .

i’ve got another idea .

wait ,  wait ,  wait …

i’m not a total idiot .

look ,  [ name ] ,  that’s not what matters right now .

drive .  okay ?  just … drive fast .

of all the illegal things i’ve done ,  this is probably the least illegal .

we are not talking about that !

are you kidding me ?!

i’m gonna need another pair of hands .

i’ve got a plan i’m absolutely certain will work .

not cool !  not cool !

oh my god ,  what a great idea ,  [ name ] !  wish i’d thought of that !

i’ll explain later .

[ name ] , what just happened ?

i want him dead .

i just think we should make an informed decision .

heartbreaking ,  isn’t it ?  when someone you loved and thought you knew turns out to be someone else ?

the question is ;  are you with me ,  or are you against me ?

hey !  what’d you do that for ?

there goes our element of surprise .

you have no idea what you’re giving up .

so ,  sue me .  i didn’t want you to die .

stop staring at me !

this way i can keep an eye on you .

patience ,  and all will be revealed .

follow my instructions for a change .

are you busy tonight ?

i will cut you .

now if you’ll excuse me , i have to get ready .

do you want to tell me the truth , this time ?

i don’t need you to protect me .

should i ignore the fact that that sounds insane ?

you’re lying , it makes no sense .

i haven’t hurt anyone .

there’s no way i’m leaving you like this .

you have been lying to me .

i haven’t forgotten about  [ name ] .

a little bit dramatic ,  don’t you think ?

okay ,  your life is worse .  congrats .

there’s no need to close that door forever .

can we stop talking about this and just get back to work ?

how about we just start with this ?

hopefully you’ll understand why i did what i did .

i told you i’d be back .

despite everything [ name ] told you ,  you’re here anyways .

life is shorter than you ever think .

i think a little danger is worth it ,  don’t you ?

please note that i didn’t say anything about how dangerous that would be .

you take one hand ,  i’ll take the other ?

what’s so important ?

i’m not blaming you ,  i just wanna know what happened .

i don’t understand .  where am i ?

listen ,  there was -   there was a car accident .

no way ,  come on .  i don’t believe you .

we’re gonna talk everything through from the very beginning .

i have the feeling this is gonna take awhile .

don’t worry about it .  i’ll take care of  [ name ] .

i didn’t have very much when i came here ,  so i guess i’m kind of trying to make up for that .

the internet’s still around ?

i gotta say ,  i’m really hating this .  i just ,  nothing feels real .

i’m just gonna wake up and be me again .

this cannot be my life !

please stop saying it’s gonna be alright because it’s not !

i was in a mental institution .

not to outdo you ,  but crazy girl carries a lot more stigma .

my strongest memories of you have to do with that guitar .

oh ,  boo - hoo ,  what .  is .  the .  plan ?

did you not hear me say very ,  very carefully ?!

this place is about as secure as a kiosk at the mall .

do not snap at me ,  okay ?

do you have any enemies ?  anyone who might want to hurt you ?

am i doing all these things with my mind ?!

i haven’t cursed anyone in years .

weren’t you nervous to play in front of people ?

let’s just say i’m addicted to more than just coffee .

would you play for me ?

since you missed the concert ,  i thought we could have one of our own .

my keen sense of perception is giving me the impression that you are upset .

don’t partonize me ,  [ name ] .

look ,  why don’t we just quietly work together ?

it was an accident ,  i didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt .

i didn’t know it was gonna be dangerous .

no one’s gonna die !  okay ?  we’re gonna fix this .

have you seen him ?  i mean ,  really looked at him ?

when you really love someone ,  you want them to be happy .  even if it isn’t with you .

talking down to me does not help !

i’m not talking down to you ,  i’m just talking you DOWN  …  there’s a difference .

it’s this place ,  it’s a thousand things !

you SHOT me ?!

with clear eyes  …  and a full heart ,  you can’t lose .

will you tell me everything that happened while i was sleeping ?

i’m so sorry ,  i know i should’ve told you sooner .

i remember ,  now .  i remember everything .

i’m not gonna let you go back to that .

you’ve tried everything ,  haven’t you ?

if i only get one day ,  i am so ,  so glad i got this one .

i’m counting on you to fix all of this .

i’ll find a way .  i promise .

what answer will make you stop asking ?

relax ,  i’m not here for you .

that’s why you’re yelling like your hair’s on fire ?

i hate being friends with you .

i want to punch things .

i’m on the verge of a major breakthrough !

fine ,  i’ll go .  this better be snappy .

i called the police ,  they said i had to wait 24 hours .

[murderof]

🌻 BASED ROLEPLAY BLOG PROMO. this is # lovestoryed, a semi-selective & private blog for ELLIOT from good old STARDEW VALLEY & i would greatly appreciate if you'd be willing to reblog & like this post if you'd be willing to interact. ♥ crossover & oc friendly, penned by melody.

[nightprompts]

&. 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  various  fluffy  dialogue  prompts  so  soft,  so  sweet,  just  for  you!  )

❛ i just wanted to make sure you’re okay. ❜

❛ there it is, there’s that smile! ❜

❛ you got me flowers? ❜

❛ i’m not afraid of you. ❜

❛ aw, did you miss me? ❜

❛ you’re lucky that you’re cute. ❜

❛ wait, you think i’m cute? ❜

❛ you’re not alone. you never were. ❜

❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜

❛ good morning, sleeping beauty. ❜

❛ it’s better with you here. ❜

❛ don’t worry, i’m staying right here. ❜

❛ you’re welcome to stay, if you want. ❜

❛ don’t be a stranger, okay? ❜

❛ i haven’t laughed like this in a long time. ❜

❛ hold still. this might sting a little. ❜

❛ you can hold my hand, if you want. ❜

❛ i knew you would be here. ❜

❛ i just wanted to say thank you for protecting me. ❜

❛ before you do anything, try this and tell me what you think. ❜

❛ wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look. ❜

❛ we can order pizza, watch a movie, whatever you want. ❜

❛ what, am i not allowed to look at you? ❜

❛ i’m not giving up on you. ❜

❛ is that my shirt? ❜

❛ this is a good look for you. ❜

❛ pinky promise? ❜

❛ c’mere, you. ❜

❛ honey, i’m home! ❜

❛ you remembered? ❜

❛ you’re my family too. ❜

❛ let’s go somewhere, just you and me. ❜

❛ i’m here for you. don’t forget that. ❜

❛ you’re the only thing that matters. ❜

❛ was that your first kiss? ❜

❛ i was worried something happened to you. ❜

❛ your heart is beating so fast right now. ❜

❛ relationships are built on trust, and i trust you. ❜

❛ you always see the good in people. even me. ❜

❛ do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are? ❜

❛ nope, puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work this time! ❜

❛ thanks to you, i know what it means to love again. ❜

❛ how about a kiss before i go? ❜

❛ i’m just glad you’re okay. ❜

❛ here we are, home sweet home. ❜

❛ thanks for being here with me. ❜

❛ seeing you happy is all that matters. ❜

❛ keep it. it looks better on you. ❜

❛ i couldn’t stop missing you if i tried. ❜

❛ you feel like home to me. ❜

[heartjockey]

it’s 1am but reminder i have more sdv + farm sim muses on my multimuse {that i recently remade} @fckurselfie <3

that said i came off hiatus on my main blog so. :’) i can u know. exist.

[candyflossmemes]

spotify wrapped has arrived. send me a number from 1-100 for a starter based on that song, or a lyric from it, or send a 🎁 for me to shuffle.

[heartjockey]

i don’t harshly subscribe to the idea that clara / alex’s mom EITHER got sick OR committed suicide : i think it was a mixture of both and that’s why alex’s feelings on it are so hard to like... decipher when he tries putting it into words. she stopped taking care of herself and her health declined greatly from it, she wasn’t doing well mentally, and it was a spiral that affected her bc she was already kind of a sickly person. her actually declining physical health mixed with the fact she was sort of lowkey sabotaging herself led to this horrible middle ground where she didn’t technically take her own life, but she did kinda intentionally... help herself along? and alex is torn because it isn’t her fault that she died from falling ill, but he also as an adult has started to understand that her death was partially assisted by her own hand and now he’s left in the middle unsure if he should be angry at her for leaving him or just sad about how unfair it all was. esp as he’s grown older and learned that no matter what, you stick it out for the people you care about who love you.

he gets angry when people say his mom “died of a broken heart” because her decline rapidly happened after his father left them / she died so soon after he was gone but to be honest, he thinks it makes it even worse that saying she died of a broken heart is probably pretty accurate for why she took it the way she did.

[heartjockey]

alex is really good at singing, like REALLY good he has an amazing voice which is surprising to himself more than anyone else. but he doesn’t like singing ! he’s too embarrassed ! he only sings in the shower or under his breath while listening to music / studying, etc. it’s one of those “it’s a shame you aren’t more interested in it” kinda things bc he has such a good voice naturally but any time sb asks him abt his thoughts on singing or if he can he just “🧍 bye”

[heartjockey]

i want so badly to be able to scroll sdv mods on nexus w/o seeing peoples. weird and concerning kinks being pushed on every female character in the game kjnmerkhnjm pls...

[heartjockey]

“you don’t, like… make me wanna tear my eyes out… or whatever.”

HE  WATCHES  HIM  IN  ANTICIPATION  ,  EXPRESSION  TORN  BETWEEN  smirk  and smile as the milkshake sat between them is completely disregarded in favor of keeping tabs on him from across their table. Leave it to him to drag Sebastian of all people into some 50′s styled diner with the sun setting low in the sky  :  somehow it seems like it’s entirely something he would do, and something his companion absolutely would not, had he not pleaded with full puppy pout. Not he’s paying the price of it, Alex’s legs crossed under the table so he can perfectly mimic the pose of some smug housewife, both hands folded underneath his chin so it can rest atop his knuckles. He manages to lean forward a little in that pose, just barely biting back his tongue to suppress a snicker.

“  —  so you’re saying you think I’m hot, right?”  He’d meant to just tease him a bit, in all honesty. But looking at him now, half sunk down in his booth seat, he thinks he may have pushed a little too hard with his joking. There’s a point where it stops sounding humorous and starts sounding like he’s actually flirting, probably  ...  but of course, he wasn’t. Or, well  —  he doesn’t know, really. His stomach knots up a bit because it occurs to him that despite the airs he’s putting on, which at this point Sebastian himself has to know to be completely false (  geez, that makes it so much worse  ), the fact of the matter is he doesn’t actually know where the teasing stops and ends. It confuses him, but he doesn’t show it. He’s not unused to being praised, even underhandedly, but not  ...  like this, from a guy.

“I mean, I guess you’ve said as much before.”  One would think it wouldn’t have the same effect the second time around, especially when this time, it’s half mumbled and wrapped in the most round-about sentiment imaginable. Truth be told, though, it has more of an effect. Maybe it’s the setting or ease of the conversation, for once not surrounded by the heaviness of drawn out, deep talk. It’s casual, and in that way, it makes his chest ache a little. Seeing him groan and try desperately to wrangle himself away from the callout only cements it, in a way.  “Is this your way of flirting with me for once?”  He hadn’t even thought of it, until the lighthearted accusation was put out there. It makes him do a double take of his own joke, lips parting for a moment in sudden realization.

Oh.

Suddenly, all that feigned confidence dips. He abruptly drops his demeanor to scramble for his drink, staring down at the frothing desert as he drinks from the stupid little silly straw lest he have to face the fact that he’s started to turn red from the base of his neck to the tips of his ears. It’s not necessarily that he even thinks he’s right, just  ...  the thought of it, without warning, flusters him.

After he’s sipped enough ice cream to give himself a brain freeze, he winces and hides his face in his hands. Now it’s his turn to groan.  “I’m going to die from embarrassment, don’t look at me.”

[heartjockey]

rotinthedark​.

That last statement, firm and true, echoed in the ensuing dead air between them.

I like you. No matter how ugly the insides he’d just bared to him were. He still wanted to be a part of his life. He still refused to let him disappear in the dark.

Because somehow, incredibly, undeniably, they were one in the same.

Two sides of the same ABUSED coin.

Sebastian might have staggered under the weight of that realization if he hadn’t been frozen in shock. Even as Alex crumpled in front of him, overwhelmed by the tidal wave of emotion this drudged up in him, he remained still and staring with wide, pained, brown eyes. His brain processing all of this and analyzing who they’d been to each other before and what this gigantic bombshell would mean for them now.

There was NO coming back from this. No pretending they weren’t anything platonic, no hoping his cold dismissals would finally work, no writing him off as just some over-emotional, clingy weirdo. No believing whatever this phase was would pass and they’d go back to just ignoring each other.

They were too raw, too emotionally nude before each other, for any of that to work anymore. This was a threshold crossed, and it was up to him to decide how he was going to respond.

“…”

Eyes finally looked away from his offended glare, finding their way down to his still burning cigarette. His insides rolled with need at the sight and smell of it and, unable to hold back any longer, he brought it up to his lips for the deepest inhale his lungs could take. Still, conscious of Alex’s presence and attention, his other hand held up a finger to ask for his patience as he did so. He needed to clear his mind of this much, before anything else was said or done. When it came time, he turned away into the breeze to blow his smoke downwind of him. 

Already, blessedly, feeling that rabid animal inside begin to tame. 

Okay…

It wasn’t enough to sate him completely, but it would be for now. Sebastian leaned down and ground the remaining stick in against the bottom of his shoe to douse it, and then flicked it safely into the dirt (he’d pick it back up later.) Hands lifted to rub his pale face, still somewhat red with his own emotion, as he took a few deep breaths to further stabilize himself. Alex could probably use this moment to breathe, too.

… okay.

He swallowed, and then finally looked back over and up at the jock. The boy who’d been breaking his back just to know him. Who went into the mines facing Yoba-knows-what just to find him some obsidian to make dice from for his birthday, of which he still kept on his desk and idly played with during work breaks. Who’d been the first person to ever truly listen to him, to understand him, in a way Sam and Abigail couldn’t. Who’d trusted him with something as intimate and vulnerable as his mother’s grave gift.

The first person who’s seen him in this town, scars and all. Because they were the same goddamn scarred, scared, hurt, CRYING boy deep down inside. Alex just let his come to the surface to breathe.

… Who else could those poor boys have but each other, now? Maybe… maybe for that one boy, he could let that anger die.

Feet carried him forward before he’d fully mentally clocked the action, but he didn’t stop. A hand dug into his front hoodie pocket, rummaging, before finally coming out once he stood before him. Holding a travel pack of tissues, torn open and half empty. Sebastian hesitated, then held it out to him. Eyes dropped down to it.

“… here. Sorry if they smell like smoke.”

HE  REGRETS  ALL  OF  THIS  IMMEDIATELY  ,  because of course he does. Try as he might to escape from the clenched fists of the toxic masculinity that had been beaten into his bones from the moment he’d learned to walk, it would always linger in the back of his mind  :  his father’s voice, taunting him for crying and screaming, because that’s not what a man does. Even still, he forces himself to breathe in, recognizing as silence falls over him that he had  ...  gone far further than he’d meant to. Slowly does the tension relieve itself from his body, expression shedding its steel in favor of softening to something far more melancholy and concerned. He hadn’t meant for his emotions to reach that much height, but it crashes over him in the same way a rush of cold water would.

Not for the first time in his life, though perhaps the first time in their correspondence from Sebastian’s point of view  ...  he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t even notice that his eyes are still ringed red, nor his cheeks stained by the tears of aired grievances he hadn’t faced aloud in quite some time. Now he waits, anticipating rejection that isn’t coming  ...  and it occurs to him that he’s afraid of it.

He doesn’t react to the drag he takes from the cigarette, for once blissfully distant from the scene around him as he tries to wrap his head around what’d just happened. He does take note of it being discarded, but can’t bring himself to comment despite his own confusion, now. He doesn’t regret the heart of it, not really. But as he watches him, silent but patient, understanding but anxious, he wonders  ...  if he would have been as reactionary, had it been someone else.

He’s dragged out of that reverie when, at long last, the dismal heaviness between them is broken, if only slightly, by the sound of Sebastian’s steps towards him against the grass. He doesn’t startle, instead remaining in a distant, emotional haze until suddenly taking in a breath and watching him with tepid curiosity as he approached. He’s not sure what, exactly, he expected.

It wasn’t this.

“  .  .  .  oh.”  It’s like he’d been holding his breath without realizing it. He reaches for the tissues without much thought at first, staring down at them in his hand before registering he looks like a fucking mess. It should be embarrassing, but after everything else, if that’s what embarrassed him, it’d be such a damn joke. Still, he steps away for a moment, just long enough to get himself together  -  blows his nose, wipes his cheeks in a sad attempt to make it look like he hadn’t been crying at all. It doesn’t help he’s still a bit misty-eyed, but the ache that’d settled in his chest starts to feel a little less  ...  rampant.  “Thanks,”  he finally mumbles when he shuffles back to give him the rest of the unused pack for retrieval. Afterwards, he breathes in and turns his gaze elsewhere.

Now he stands awkwardly for a few seconds before abruptly breaking the silence, again.  “I’m not a cute crier.”  His voice cracks a little, but he smiles in a way that’s so abjectly heartbroken, even he feels miserable without having to see it himself.  “I think I may have word vom’d a little more about me than you wanted to know there.”  Brows furrowed, he shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders halfheartedly.  “I don’t want to change you, Sebastian. I like you who you are. I think I just—”  He pauses, clears his throat, and shoves his hands in his pockets.  “—get... scared for the people I like. Especially  —  I dunno  ...  you and I being a thing, yeah, it’s kinda weird, but  ...  I dunno. Te pido disculpas de corazón  —  I’m sorry.”

[heartjockey]

MY FACE CLAIM FOR ALEX GOT UPDATES AFTER A YEAR I’M ON MY HANDS AND KNEES SOBBING SCREAMING

[brainbetrayed]

* idiots to lovers romantic starters

also known as rivals to lovers / idiots to idiots but they’re lovers / rivals to besties / rivals to idiots, the list goes on. some of these are inspired by pre-existing media. change pronouns/aggressive terms of endearment/insults as you see fit! these can also be platonic of course!

“i dunno. sometimes i just… feel things when you’re around.”

“i love your ass.”

“your ass is your best quality.”

“i’d tap that.”

“i love you, bitch.”

“do you ever feel… like… you know… things? like… those warm… feelings?”

“oh my god, stop looking at me like that! i’m gonna end up kissing you.”

“sometimes you’re not annoying.”

“you don’t, like… make me wanna tear my eyes out… or whatever.”

“you love me? are you sure?”

“i don’t hate you.”

“shut up and stay. please.”

“i hate when people say shit like ‘you’re my best friend, i love you, i can’t imagine my life without you. i wake up and you’re the first thing on my mind, and the last thing before i go to sleep. suddenly all the love songs make sense.’ you know? i prefer starting it by saying how much i hate when other people say it, then say what i mean anyway. it’s way less embarrassing like that.”

“we aren’t friends. friends don’t do this kinda thing.”

“maybe i don’t wanna be just friends with you.”

“who the fuck said you aren’t funny?”

“who the fuck called you boring?”

“who the fuck said that? you’re great.”

“i don’t think you’re weird. i think you’re cute.”

“i don’t think you’re weird. you’re a dumbass, maybe, but i like that about you.”

“obviously i like you! i’ve been trying to tell you for ages now!”

“i’ve been flirting with you for the last six months, thanks for noticing.”

“some parts of you don’t make a lot of sense to me, but i don’t know why the sky turns pink at sunset and i still think it’s beautiful.”

“i want you. i don’t know why, i can’t explain it, but i just wanna be around you all the time.”

“i woke up one morning and realised i loved you.”

“you’re the worst. i love it.”

“you’re stupid, that’s what you are, buddy.”

“i wouldn’t die for you, but i think i’d kill for you. maybe. but then, that would mean going to jail… nah. i take it back. no offence.”

“did you know when i call you dude i mean it romantically?”

“what are you gonna do? kiss me?”

“you don’t look totally ugly today.”

“you look… never mind. i didn’t say shit!”

“they’re just flowers, don’t read into it.”

“can you please stop moving your mouth so i can kiss you?”

“you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid.”

“i trust you, stupid.”

“i love you, dumbass.”

“you’re a pain in the ass but i’m glad we met.”

“of course i care about what you think of me!”

“you’re looking at me funny.”

“i’m not looking at you funny! this is just how i look at someone i hate.”

“being with you makes me feel like a better person.”

“being with you makes me feel like a better person. i look like an angel compared to you.”

“huh? what was that? are you being nice to me?”

“sorry i made things weird the other day. we can still hang out, right?”

“sorry i kissed you, that was stupid. let’s just forget about it.”

“maybe kissing you was stupid but i don’t regret it.”

“are we hugging right now, bro? is that what we’re doing? do we… keep going? do we stop?”

“i’m not going anywhere.”

“i’m here, aren’t i?”

“this is all your fault!” *it is not*

“you drive me crazy in a way that makes everyone else look boring.”

“i can tell when you’re lying, you know. you ain’t slick.”

[heartjockey]

starter call since i’m back from the hospital & getting my blogs going again lmao i’m so sorry. 😭 if you’re a multimuse you can either specify or i’ll choose a muse for you if you prefer, it’s fine.

[heartjockey]

IT’S TEN IN THE MORNING AND I LITERALLY CANNOT SHAKE the thought of alex writing poems about his father starting in high school and continuing on into present day, esp once he starts teaching himself more about different skills (incl writing.) like the ones in high school prob started as a general assignment for english class and got laughed off by him as him trying to be like the other stupid ass angsty kids in school {see : sebastian, abigail} / mocking them but in reality it was literally inspired from his home life and then you get to years later in his 20s he has entire journals / diaries full of poems that started off half asses but got more intricate the older he got and the more he improved bc he had nowhere else to write down his thoughts and he never wanted to be blatant about them in case his grandparents ever snooped through his stuff but it’s just

book upon book filled with poetry, some well written and some poorly done, chronicling his characters growth from high school to now. lots of poems about suicide and alcohol and his father’s abuse and mother’s negligence / death and then some more lighthearted about his grandparents and hope but even present day most of it is still about his dad bc he never gets closure so he has to cope SOMEWHERE, he has to let it out SOMEWHERE