LONDON, INTERIOR - A.Z. FELL & CO. BOOKSHOP
JUST AFTER PREVENTING THE SECOND COMING, TAKING DOWN THE METATRON AND SETTING UP KARAOKE NIGHTS BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL EVERY THIRD THURSDAY OF THE MONTH. APOLOGY DANCES HAVE BEEN PERFORMED, ROMANTIC GESTURES HAVE BEEN MADE, LUNCH AT THE RITZ HAS BEEN HAD, CHAMPAGNE HAS BEEN TOASTED.
Aziraphale, trying to act casual, thinking he is succeeding (he's not): So..er..have you ever..done anything? Like this before?
Crowley, trying to act cool, thinking he is succeeding (he's also not): Oh Yeah! Pfft! Loooads of times! Regular..er...regular Sex God, me!
Aziraphale: Oh yes, of course! Many...many times.
Narrator: He's also lying.
*Crowley and Aziraphale stare at each other, both trying to out-casual the other while also trying to look like beings who Have Definitely Done This Before
Aziraphale (at the same time): Should we -
Both: *sputter and gesture to each other. There's a lot of "sorry, go ahead" and "please you first" and "what were you going to" "no no not important." At some point Aziraphal slips in an annoyed "you ARE the Sex God here after all." After that, they fall silent. It's awkward.*
Narrator: It's really fucking awkward.
Aziraphale, embarassed and a little annoyed: *huffs* Well?
Crowley, adding in some nonessential vowel sounds: wuh..ngh..well what??
Aziraphale, gesturing to Crowley: You seem to be the more experienced of the two of us, "Mr. Loooads of Times." *he even includes bunny quotations with his fingers. His impression of Crowley is not bad*
Crowley, offended (probably more vowels): Are you MOCKING me, angel?!
Aziraphale: Meee? Mocking? Not at all!
Narrator: He was mocking him.
Aziraphale: I just figured you would be the one to take charge, so to speak. You are the "Sex God" after all! *more bunny ears* So, go ahead, if you've done this so many times!! *he may be shouting a bit*
Crowley, spluttering even more, actually making sounds that most humans will never make in their lifetimes: How dare-I mean-I-That's rich coming from YOU, Mr. Discreet Gentleman's Club!
Aziraphale's eyes: *wide*
Aziraphale's cheeks: *red*
Aziraphale's mouth: *open*
Crowley: Oh yes, I know allll about that Mr. Holier Than Thou!
Aziraphale: Have you been...SPYING on me??
Crowley: No!! But one hears things. Around.
Narrator: I didn't tell him.
Aziraphale: Things?? What things??
Crowley, leering, but somehow...angrily?: Thhhhiiiinnnnngsssss.
*Crowley may be hissing, he is very worked up*
Aziraphale, looking quite upset: It..it wasn't like that!!
Crowley, after a beat, his attitude drops. He knows he's gone too far: Angel-
Aziraphale: We simply danced! You know how I love to dance!
Crowley, trying to calm him: I know you do, angel. I shouldn't have said-
Aziraphale: And even if it was Like That, there would have been nothing for you to hear about anyway!
Both: *stare* Crowley looks surprised. Aziraphale looks embarrassed and a bit like he's going to cry.
Crowley: So you mean... you...never?
Aziraphale: *shakes his head vigorously. It would be kind of cute if he didn't look so sad*
Crowley, walks over to Aziraphale. He wants to hold him. He's not sure if he's allowed: Why?
Aziraphale, laughs but it could be a sob, honestly: Oh, Crowley. *Aziraphale takes Crowley's hands* You must know.
Crowley: *shakes his head no, but he does know. He's always known. He needs to hear Aziraphale say it*
Aziraphale, smiling up at Crowley: It's always been you. Only you. There's no one else on Earth or in Heaven or Hell that I want the way I want you.
Crowley: *sucks in a breath. One might call it a gasp. Crowley wouldn’t, but one might*
Aziraphale, gesturing with his hands again, (Crowley may whine when he Aziraphale takes his hands away): And I don't CARE if your are a...sex...god. I don't care how many people you've had sex with-
Crowley, trying to interrupt: Er..right. About that, angel..
Aziraphale: And, and you could have taken ALL OF EARTH to bed with you! ALL OF HELL! *waves his hands in a grand sweeping gestures*
Crowley, trying to recapture Aziraphal's hands: Well, let's not get...quite a lot of them have open sores, so...
Aziraphale, absolutely not listening to Crowley: None of that matters to me! Because we're here now!
Crowley, finally has Aziraphale's hands, but not his full attention: Angel, please -
Aziraphale: A group of the two of us!
Crowley: Probably could have phrased that better-
Aziraphale: Just like you said! Finally just Us-
Crowley: *gives up trying to use his words, finally just grabs Aziraphale's face and kisses him. With tongue.*
*it's a very nice kiss. The tongue is even nice. Finally, both of them pull apart. They are out of breath. They smile at each other*
Crowley, a bit sheepish: Me, too.
Aziraphale, not grtting it: You, too..what?
Crowley: I've never - with anyone. I - *he swallows. He can be brave. For Aziraphale. But he does tilt his eyes towards the ceiling, so he isn't looking directly at Aziraphale* Only you. For me. Too. As well. I -hmmm. *he's getting choked up*
Aziraphale, a little misty: Oh. *he isn't sure what else to say, but he's pleased. he tilts Crowley's face back to look at him again*
*they smile. Their eyes look a bit teary*
*they kiss again. It is gentle and quiet and romantic*
Aziraphale, pulling away from the kiss, but not going far. he's looking very pleased: If you really think about it, it's very sweet.
Crowley, pretends he doesn't like where this sentence is going, failing because he's smiling: Angel.
Aziraphale: Some might even call it...
Crowley: Don't say it. Don't you dare.
Aziraphale, leaning in and smiling, like a bit of a bastard: ...nice.
Crowley: *growls* I'll show you nice, angel!
Aziraphale: Oh, I do hope so!
*cut to them slamming into a bookcase while they kiss and try to strip at the same time. They accidentally pull books off the shelves, a hat stand with a black brimmed hat and a scarf gets knocked over, Crowley miraculously saves a lamp from crashing down without even taking his lips away from Aziraphal's. They are throwing clothing everywhere. Crowley hops around because he forgot to take his shoes off before his pants, Aziraphale gets frustrated with all his own buttons. Then he remembers he has ACTUAL MAGICAL POWERS. He snaps his figures, and suddenly they're both naked. Aziraphale absolutely Tackles Crowley, knocking him out of frame, and we just hear moaning and maybe a crash or two*
WE ZOOM TO RIGHT OUTSIDE THE BOOKSHOP WHERE WE SEE A NIGHTINGALE SINGING ON A BRANCH. SUDDENLY A VERY LARGE CRASH AND AN EVEN LOUDER MOAN STARTLES THE NIGHTINGALE. IT LOOKS EXTREMELY OFFENDED AND SCANDALIZED AS IT FLIES OFF.
I wrote this for me. Please be nice.
