Reminiscing
❝𝘐 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘉𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰'𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘺𝘦 𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘦 𝘖𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴, "𝘒𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘮𝘦, 𝘚𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘎𝘰𝘥"❞
Word Count: 1,316
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The Winter King was an odd, odd man. But to his subjects and everyone else in the Land of Ooo, he was very eccentric. Positive. He liked to obscure things with a cover of goodness. He made everything better. He made everyone better. But, how true was that, really? He knew it wasn’t, and he couldn’t pretend it was. He knew who he was, he knew what he'd done within the course of his life, and he’d come to terms with that. He was trying to, at least.
Winter sat on the floor of the ice cold room and watched his ice Marceline strum on her bass guitar, smiling as she did so. He liked watching her try and come up with songs and melodies. He just enjoyed watching her in general. It made him think back to simpler times, when he first found her during the war. He was so different back then. What made him think he was responsible enough to look after a child? Especially in his growing state of madness? And when she got sick? It turned out to be so much worse than he initially thought it was. After that… Drastic loss and failure, looking at her now made him a bit sad. But at the same time, having her here, in a bit of an unethical way, it relieved him of that sadness, at least for a while.
He did wonder though; what would she be like now if he hadn’t failed her? Would she be happy? Would she even like playing music? Would he even still know her? Would he have remembered her… At all?
Eventually, the little girl stopped playing and she looked at him, her beady but frosty eyes looking at him with innocent curiosity,
“What did you think, Simon? I’m getting better, right?” Marceline was excited when she asked for his opinion on her growing skills. She was always excited when she was around him. It was something that put him at ease. She put him at ease. How could she not? She was one of the last bonds he really ever had. One of them anyway.
Winter just laughed and happily clapped his hands,
“It was beautiful, Marcy! You really are getting better..”
—
Sitting at his piano, he slowly pressed down on one of the keys, repeatedly. He wasn’t looking to play anything, not today. He was just looking to clear his head. Winter wasn’t one to dwell on the past, he preferred to look at the present, and what was to come. But he had his days where his thoughts consisted of nothing but memories from the past. They were always so clear, too. They weren’t vague or foggy, he remembered them all like they happened yesterday. It was something he looked at as more of a con than a pro.
He thought about himself a lot. Not in his usual egocentric way, but more about the way he was. How he used to be, how he is now. When he was still just ‘Simon Petrikov’, he was never a shy man, not at all. He was always a bit of an extrovert, not nearly as self absorbed as he is now, but his social skills were always lacking. He always enjoyed reading, and studying rare artifacts and philosophical ideals, all things he never got around to doing anymore now. He never really had time. It made him think too much about the past.
And what was he like now? An egocentric, morally corrupt ice wizard. He kissed away any opportunity at friendship, or anyone who seemed to want to get a bit too close to him. He did this as a personal choice, fearing the result of them disliking him when they actually get to know him, and fearing what he’d do when that happened. Saying he was afraid of what he himself was capable of was an understatement. He was horrified.
Maybe he was just a coward. Maybe he always had been, as much as he tried to hide it. It made him wonder how someone like Betty ever took an interest in him.
Betty?
He hadn’t actually thought about her in a long, long time. Was it a conscious effort? He wasn’t sure.
Winter remembered her perfectly. She was brilliant, very goal-oriented. She was somewhat like him, just a bit less cautious about things. She was… Eccentric. He remembered looking at her and always thinking about how much he wanted to be like her. Maybe that’s why he acted the way he did now. The two shared similar qualities, but she was always much nicer than he could ever be.
He had always been fairly apathetic when it came to most people and things around him, but not with Betty. He always had such a deep care for her, and it was a mutual feeling between the two of them. The two had never dated. It wasn’t something either of them were interested in at the time, and neither of them was what the other was looking for at the time, gender wise anyway. But nevertheless, they had a very strong bond, they were drawn to each other. Maybe their friendship bordered on obsession, that was something he could realize now. At the time though, it wasn’t the conclusion either of them came to.
Maybe they just didn’t know that friendships weren’t supposed to harbor that level of obsession. Maybe they were both just two lonely people with so-so social skills trying to navigate their interpersonal relationships on their own. They were happy with what they had at the time. In those moments. She was really the only person who was ever able to become that close with him. She was the only person he’d ever cared about on such a deep level. He missed the feelings he had with her. The feelings of excitement, and the joy he got from being around another person. The late night conversations they had that would lead to nowhere, but they didn’t care, they were just having fun. It was feelings he longed for. Feelings he ached for. Feelings he despised.
Then she died.
He didn’t remember how.
He didn’t remember when.
Whether it was something he could have prevented or not, was something he’d never really know. Perhaps his brain just repressed that part of all of this. He was fine with that, but at the same time, he was itching to know. The only thing he knew was that she was dead.
Winter was… Lucid. He was there, he knew that for sure. It wasn’t something most could say about a lot of Simons. But, while he was no longer fully affected by the crown’s madness, it still left some lingering insanity within him. Most days his memories of the past were fogged and out of place, others they were as clear as day, it felt like he was reliving those moments. It was weird. He found that on some days he felt like him, he felt like Simon, and as odd as it felt, he enjoyed it. But other days, he felt like he was still under the full effects of the crown. When he stood up to do something, and suddenly felt like he blacked out for a second, and found himself doing something else instead. When his mind was storming with nothing but anger, despair, and fear. Never knowing what was going on around him.
It was a repulsive experience.
Now, all he could do was sit. Sit in his wonderland of ice, snow, and his own delusions. No longer having his best friend who was long gone and dismissing any thought or mention of her. No longer having the adorable, helpless little girl he failed to raise. He just had himself and his thoughts in the walls he built up around himself.
He hated reminiscing more than anything.