Heaven

23 artist, psychology major

[heavenblanket]

The Secret History spoilers

I think TSH is a great cautionary tale about avoiding all white friend groups specially if two of them are billionaires and it's frustratingly realistic that nobody gave a fuck when a farmer was horribly mutilated and killed but everyone and FBI got involved over a missing white boy and they suspected anyone from addicts to Arab immigrants before the people who spent the most time with him.

[cheetz0]

Iran is slowly coming back online, but by "online," I mean they've moved from whitelisting some websites to blacklisting everything. I had no idea what these terms meant, but living in Iran forces you to know about technical network and connection stuff. Basically, instead of banning everything except for a few shitty malware apps posing as "social media platforms", they have now moved to filter out and ban the same usual things as before (like Telegram, Instagram, YouTube, everything). So what does that mean? It means more IPs will be available to bypass the ban, and VPNs will be more affordable. So more people can access the internet, STILL ILLEGALLY and THROUGH A PAYWALL.

It's currently close to 4 AM now that I'm posting this, and I've been crying non-stop since midnight because my friends came back online one by one through an unstable connection and said: "Hi, I'm alive." I had prepared myself for the funeral of so many of my friends. Some haven't come back online yet, and we've formed small "search and rescue" groups to find their contacts or families to check if they're okay.

What remains a fact amidst all of this is that nobody in the world ever gave a single fuck about us. I was one of the lucky ones to connect during the complete shutdown via some newly invented way we were too scared to even publish on GitHub for fear of getting arrested. In the time I was connected, I felt immense guilt for having access to the internet, and I begged you all on my socials to be the voice of the people who were about to get executed.

Not even once did I see someone talk about the internet blackout in Iran, and it enrages me.

We've been massacred, mass executed, and then silenced by getting our only way of communicating with the world shut off and the world treats it as some background noise, some irrelevant news that isn't even worth spending time hearing about.

So I'm asking you again, please, be the voice for the people in Iran. We are barely surviving.

[storyweavingspider]

Ay if you Black and trans and still on here reblog this with a comment and/or your pay links rq. I wanna follow yall and I want nonblack people to pay us.

If you nonblack keep ya muzzle on for once and just reblog it when you see it. Ain’t need you out here like

[askjaelyn]

hi! I'm a disabled black trans lesbian who's currently dealing with a symptoms of stage 4 kidney disease and am currently trying to apply for disability for the third time and currently very fucking poor.

https://www.paypal.me/Jebmmcgee

$Jebmcgee Cashapp

[askjaelyn]

I'm once again begging for help once again and can hopefully get some aid for pride. I just recently got my blood work back, and the toxin build up from the kidney disease has made my life one of constant sleeping, extreme fatigue, and chronic bone and joint pain. I'd love help with being able to keep my credit card debt manageable or able to afford to buy my groceries and meds.

http://www.paypal.me/Jebmmcgee

$Jebmcgee Cashapp

[celestial-fang]

Does my sculpture go hard so far

[celestial-fang]

I may have new twink offerings soon

[ra3kiv]

Few surprise me style commissions I have done in may! Thank you to everyone who commissioned me!!

[heavenblanket]

King Charles XII commission

This was soo fun

[heavenblanket]

King Charles XII commission

This was soo fun

[heavenblanket]

My first character sheet/concept art commission :3

I had so much fun drawing her!

Character design & sheet commissioned by https://t.me/GhostlyTheatre

[heavenblanket]

My first character sheet/concept art commission :3

I had so much fun drawing her!

Character design & sheet commissioned by https://t.me/GhostlyTheatre

[heavenblanket]

Next post coming soon: DnD character concept art commission

[gawki]

TTRPG coming soon! ✨

Sign up here to be notified on the day of launch and also get a free preview pdf!

[gawki]

Some bonus cropped sneak peeks at the front book cover I made for Gallerie, without the title font~

[celestial-fang]

My friends group consists of these four categories:

1. Insanely good Chinese artist who uses their skills to draw historical twinks

2. Person who is qualified to be an Imam

3. Trans guy who is into either feet or piss, or both

4. Trans girl who is into body horror

Tag urself

[heavenblanket]

So this is the cross I have to bear forever

[thewalrus-said]

It's my birthday, everyone has to look at my cat.

[saprophilous]

Solum OC commission for Nue <3 Thank you so much!

[heavenblanket]

As a psych student (🤓☝️ I'm so sorry) what I've always been most baffled by are cluster B disorders and personality disorders.

There's a deep rooted sense of nihilism that's shaped me that makes it difficult for me to understand on what grounds we have the tools or rights to classify something as "problematic" or "disordered"?

The truth is many symptoms are not "inherently" problematic; a bunch of educated (sometimes) individuals made agreements and institutions to realize those agreements about what disorders are. That's psychology at its core. Made up, but powerful and impactful realities.

Back on the topic of personality disorders, we are born close to a blank state. We have genetic predispositions that resonate with our environments. We often don't develop "insight" and a sense of personhood till we have certain experiences that become internalized, hence why childhood is the key era for the brewing of personality disorders. Children don't have the equipment and tools to have a fully fleshed out insight and sense of self, they internalize "problematic" behavior much easier and that in turn shapes their insight and sense of personhood.

"problematic" behavior makes sense in relation to other people and in turn the institutions and "senses" they make up, that we internalize and become "me".

At their core, one could say personality disorders are disruptions that exists in our relationships with others and in turn our sense of personhood. It's a deep rooted distortion and even manipulation of reality; but since what we think and what we say become realities and self fulfilling prophecies, who are we to say who's disordered and "abnormal"?

[heavenblanket]

The most life changing intellectual moment in my life was when I learned I can do anything unless I'm being physically stopped from doing so

Personality, beliefs, feelings, relationships; those are either shaped by our limitations (for example, in the case of disabilities) or they're limitations on their own.

Freedom and liberation always come at a cost

The point I'm trying to make is that so much of our lives don't make sense.

Much of our ethics and morality is irrational and nonsensical but often repackaged in a tone of rationality and logic so we don't completely lose our sanity

Those who can manipulate language the best have an advantage.

Once you start questioning the rationality of any person alive, you're bound to find double standards and hypocrisy.

But language is a powerful tool, don't get me wrong. Because through language and the stories we tell we manipulate and create realities.

We can decide what cruelty, harm, abuse, love, loyalty or even personality traits are and through that we create powerful realities and institutions that hold the human civilization together. Civility and justice are but illusions of control.

This has fundamentally changed me as a person and how I see everything and how I interact with my emotions.

At the end of the day, what I say about someone in its essence is about how I feel about them, similarly others can think the same. I don't have to make rational sense of everything.

I feel liberated, but I've become a person who's only capable of criticism and bringing the very foundations of human civilization to its ruin, seeing everyone's hypocrisy and irrationality (even myself) laid bare.

But I don't think people who think otherwise are idiots. On the contrary, they're capable of creating powerful realities and sometimes I miss being that "person", but my power intrinsically comes from another place, a bittersweet nihilism that brings destruction with liberation.