Pharmikon

[insert here when unwell] Awkward emotional dumping ground. Maybe some radical vulnerability. Please don't be weird, I already bring enough of that to the table.

[heavymentall]

I shoulder a lot, but take care of myself as best as I can. I have a great amount of knowledge about many things in spite of my struggles. I hope to still share this despite my overwhelming fear, physical and emotional pain.

EDIT: When I was in my 20's I was super productive. I made a lot of art and learned a lot of things. Then I got sick and burned out and I couldn't figure out why until I met my trauma face to face. Sometimes, when you feel like you've regressed or reverted to a less mature state what's really happening is your body has decided to stop begging you for a break.

I am still figuring out what shape my new life will take but I am thankful I never gave up. I hope you don't either.

[heavymentall]

Book concept

"Taste of the grave"

An exploration and understanding of self-harm in

[heavymentall]

Many instances in my life have created the opportunity for me to work towards something that's "mine".

Today, I felt this for the first time in over a decade. I wanted to make something that's mine... for me.

I'm having a lot more moments that would probably qualify as epiphanies, except they're largely me recognizing my full autonomy and reminding me that I too can play in the water with the other kids.

Every decade or so the universe pets my head and reminds me I have permission to be happy.

[heavymentall]

Sometimes the catalyst for great healing is vocalizing your assault. Unfortunately, giving words to something that happened more than once at different periods in my life is very difficult as my mind has compartmentalized /around/ abuse.

I worry about being an ugly failure. Someone who can't see their own flaws. That I spiral like this so much Ill never grow, but then I have a medical breakthrough or learn something about myself and think im not the worst. I'm just so embarrassed so often.

[depsidase]

[dandelionsresilience]

Just gonna drop these here as a starting point :)

How to identify, and then deal with, your emotions

Emotional regulation skills

Conflict resolution skills

Creating and enforcing boundaries

Dialectical Behavioural Therapy skills

Emotional intelligence ideals to aim for

Axes of self-care/wellbeing

Self-care self-evaluation (find out where you’re starting)

How to make a self-care checklist

How to start a self-care habit

Reparenting resources

Crash Course Psychology

KhanAcademy: Understanding the Self and Society (some units more relevant than others)

Emotional education activities for children and teens

Social-Emotional Learning activities for kids (information can be adapted for adults)

[wetheurban]

You can’t heal if you keep pretending it doesn’t hurt.

[remanence-of-love]

[heavymentall]

When you realize there was no analysis of behavior it was just "I'm sorry" to keep things comfortable:

[heavymentall]

I did not go back to my adderall bc apparently it was a histamine liberator... as were 2 of my other medications.

The last year or so I've been trying my best to be as intuitive as possible about my body while leaving notes/messages with my Drs for record. Basically helping guide them towards a diagnosis I now know I have. The meds I'm on now are for fibromyalgia. I no longer suspect fibromyalgia.

This last week I've lowered my medication, and made a minor adjustment to my already basic diet. Took a b12 supplement today and it is like night and day. I had consistent energy all day. Still have some now. Didn't need any supplements to get through the day. Stomach barely hurt despite weaning off PPIs. Period cramps are coming, but I'm in less pain.

I know it could be assigning a lot to a normal day where the stars happened to align, but I've been maintaining and honoring my body. I've been working on having an intentional relationship with myself and I believe that sort of thing manifests in different ways in ones life. For me, the way has been validating my own experiences, acknowledging my pain, recognizing patterns and doing what in can to redirect them. I want to keep doing this. I need to keep doing this.

I don't think it's a coincidence that this type of thing is happening alongside my pretty frank discussions of abuse. From childhood to adulthood. Some of these things I've always known, others are a bit new-old memories, some I still don't understand. It feels like ice-water I have to enter. To survive the exposure must be gradual.

Maybe my period is starting. Maybe I'm genuinely feeling better. I know which one I hope for.

[deathinfire-blog1]

[furiousgoldfish]

abuse victim after someone comitted an absolute atrocity to them: ohh I don't want them to feel guilty,,, they struggle with guilt so bad, I better get it together. clearly it's my fault, they'd never be bad on purpose... I'm gonna go and reassure them!

[hollanderthoughts]

No one can see how badly I want it :)

[hollanderthoughts]

No one can see how badly I want it

[uwontrememberme]

everything will probably be fine but i have to get really anxious just in case

[alwaysscreechingbasement]

[teashoesandhair]

This doesn’t include the best bit of the whole thing - she found the Twitter thread!

[black-feather-fiction]

This is like one of those romance novels where people bond over accidentally writing each other emails but better.

Like Pride and Prejudice but instead of the love interest getting dissed for his toxicity and then reforming, it’s just two people bonding over dissing a dead toxic asshole.

10/10 would recommend

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

You're not actually a better friend for not articulating and respecting your own needs, limits and boundaries. Your lack of communication and boundaries is not some impressive sacrifice. You're not doing anyone any favors by acting like you're okay with things you aren't okay with. You're just building burnout and resentment that will eventually damage the relationship in question. And when you eventually snap and walk away because you silently overburdened yourself to be a "good friend", it won't be the other persons fault

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— william wordsworth (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[lunamonchtuna]

to be seen without performing. to be heard without screaming. to be missed without disappearing. to be enough without proving it. to be held without falling apart. to be understood without explaining. to be wanted without conditions. to be. to be.