the commander's heart

private & independent costia | written by jasmin

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

GOODBYE

i gotta be honest with you. at first i really believed my hiatus would be just that, a hiatus, but after some time, i’ve come to a decision that this place isn’t for me anymore. while i do love my threads and i’m so happy i’ve met so many amazing people here, i also recognize that i don’t exactly miss this too much. 

i don’t miss wasting hours here, being anxious and worrying about things when i’m not online. it’s simply not okay. and being here takes time from stuff i genuinely want to do. like writing novels, reading books, learning how to crotchet, drawing more often, and so on and so on. even though i try to give myself a time-limit for how much i can be around here working on drafts and all that, it never works out. i just go out of control, and it’s my fault. 

but time isn’t the only reason, definitely not. maybe the most important reason for me to quit is that i don’t enjoy the 100 any longer the way i used to. if you’ve been around me for a little longer, you probably know how much i despise the direction they took along s3 and s4. it’s not the show i fell in love with at first. it’s not the world i want to explore. while i still love octavia and all the other characters, i’m simply TIRED with it. i want to move on, i want to be really excited about new things again, and clinging onto this most likely isn’t that great idea for me.  

in the end, it seems the best decision to simply leave. i’ve had amazing time here, and i definitely will miss all the blast i’ve had with you. but this is better for me, for my mind and happiness. HOWEVER, leaving doesn’t mean i don’t care about you. i’ve made friends here, and i do want to keep in touch with you – if you just want to. you can get my skype info if you just ask via im. if we’ve been writing for longer while, and you’re up for it, i’m always open to writing some threads on skype. it’s more casual, and let’s be real, i don’t want to get rid off octavia just yet.

but you will also ALWAYS find me on one blog, no matter what. i might change others a lot, drop blogs when i get interested in different things, but it will stick with me as long as i’m going to be on tumblr. if you ever need anything, you’re more than welcomed to send a message to my wlw blog, TINYGAYLADY. 

perhaps one day i’ll come back, who knows? i can’t tell future. but for now, this is a goodbye. i love you so much, i hope you all the good! take care of yourselves and stay strange awesome! 

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

GOODBYE

i gotta be honest with you. at first i really believed my hiatus would be just that, a hiatus, but after some time, i’ve come to a decision that this place isn’t for me anymore. while i do love my threads and i’m so happy i’ve met so many amazing people here, i also recognize that i don’t exactly miss this too much. 

i don’t miss wasting hours here, being anxious and worrying about things when i’m not online. it’s simply not okay. and being here takes time from stuff i genuinely want to do. like writing novels, reading books, learning how to crotchet, drawing more often, and so on and so on. even though i try to give myself a time-limit for how much i can be around here working on drafts and all that, it never works out. i just go out of control, and it’s my fault. 

but time isn’t the only reason, definitely not. maybe the most important reason for me to quit is that i don’t enjoy the 100 any longer the way i used to. if you’ve been around me for a little longer, you probably know how much i despise the direction they took along s3 and s4. it’s not the show i fell in love with at first. it’s not the world i want to explore. while i still love octavia and all the other characters, i’m simply TIRED with it. i want to move on, i want to be really excited about new things again, and clinging onto this most likely isn’t that great idea for me.  

in the end, it seems the best decision to simply leave. i’ve had amazing time here, and i definitely will miss all the blast i’ve had with you. but this is better for me, for my mind and happiness. HOWEVER, leaving doesn’t mean i don’t care about you. i’ve made friends here, and i do want to keep in touch with you – if you just want to. you can get my skype info if you just ask via im. if we’ve been writing for longer while, and you’re up for it, i’m always open to writing some threads on skype. it’s more casual, and let’s be real, i don’t want to get rid off octavia just yet.

but you will also ALWAYS find me on one blog, no matter what. i might change others a lot, drop blogs when i get interested in different things, but it will stick with me as long as i’m going to be on tumblr. if you ever need anything, you’re more than welcomed to send a message to my wlw blog, TINYGAYLADY. 

perhaps one day i’ll come back, who knows? i can’t tell future. but for now, this is a goodbye. i love you so much, i hope you all the good! take care of yourselves and stay strange awesome! 

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

GOODBYE

i gotta be honest with you. at first i really believed my hiatus would be just that, a hiatus, but after some time, i’ve come to a decision that this place isn’t for me anymore. while i do love my threads and i’m so happy i’ve met so many amazing people here, i also recognize that i don’t exactly miss this too much. 

i don’t miss wasting hours here, being anxious and worrying about things when i’m not online. it’s simply not okay. and being here takes time from stuff i genuinely want to do. like writing novels, reading books, learning how to crotchet, drawing more often, and so on and so on. even though i try to give myself a time-limit for how much i can be around here working on drafts and all that, it never works out. i just go out of control, and it’s my fault. 

but time isn’t the only reason, definitely not. maybe the most important reason for me to quit is that i don’t enjoy the 100 any longer the way i used to. if you’ve been around me for a little longer, you probably know how much i despise the direction they took along s3 and s4. it’s not the show i fell in love with at first. it’s not the world i want to explore. while i still love octavia and all the other characters, i’m simply TIRED with it. i want to move on, i want to be really excited about new things again, and clinging onto this most likely isn’t that great idea for me.  

in the end, it seems the best decision to simply leave. i’ve had amazing time here, and i definitely will miss all the blast i’ve had with you. but this is better for me, for my mind and happiness. HOWEVER, leaving doesn’t mean i don’t care about you. i’ve made friends here, and i do want to keep in touch with you – if you just want to. you can get my skype info if you just ask via im. if we’ve been writing for longer while, and you’re up for it, i’m always open to writing some threads on skype. it’s more casual, and let’s be real, i don’t want to get rid off octavia just yet.

but you will also ALWAYS find me on one blog, no matter what. i might change others a lot, drop blogs when i get interested in different things, but it will stick with me as long as i’m going to be on tumblr. if you ever need anything, you’re more than welcomed to send a message to my wlw blog, TINYGAYLADY. 

perhaps one day i’ll come back, who knows? i can’t tell future. but for now, this is a goodbye. i love you so much, i hope you all the good! take care of yourselves and stay strange awesome! 

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

GOODBYE

i gotta be honest with you. at first i really believed my hiatus would be just that, a hiatus, but after some time, i’ve come to a decision that this place isn’t for me anymore. while i do love my threads and i’m so happy i’ve met so many amazing people here, i also recognize that i don’t exactly miss this too much. 

i don’t miss wasting hours here, being anxious and worrying about things when i’m not online. it’s simply not okay. and being here takes time from stuff i genuinely want to do. like writing novels, reading books, learning how to crotchet, drawing more often, and so on and so on. even though i try to give myself a time-limit for how much i can be around here working on drafts and all that, it never works out. i just go out of control, and it’s my fault. 

but time isn’t the only reason, definitely not. maybe the most important reason for me to quit is that i don’t enjoy the 100 any longer the way i used to. if you’ve been around me for a little longer, you probably know how much i despise the direction they took along s3 and s4. it’s not the show i fell in love with at first. it’s not the world i want to explore. while i still love octavia and all the other characters, i’m simply TIRED with it. i want to move on, i want to be really excited about new things again, and clinging onto this most likely isn’t that great idea for me.  

in the end, it seems the best decision to simply leave. i’ve had amazing time here, and i definitely will miss all the blast i’ve had with you. but this is better for me, for my mind and happiness. HOWEVER, leaving doesn’t mean i don’t care about you. i’ve made friends here, and i do want to keep in touch with you – if you just want to. you can get my skype info if you just ask via im. if we’ve been writing for longer while, and you’re up for it, i’m always open to writing some threads on skype. it’s more casual, and let’s be real, i don’t want to get rid off octavia just yet.

but you will also ALWAYS find me on one blog, no matter what. i might change others a lot, drop blogs when i get interested in different things, but it will stick with me as long as i’m going to be on tumblr. if you ever need anything, you’re more than welcomed to send a message to my wlw blog, TINYGAYLADY. 

perhaps one day i’ll come back, who knows? i can’t tell future. but for now, this is a goodbye. i love you so much, i hope you all the good! take care of yourselves and stay strange awesome! 

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

GOODBYE

i gotta be honest with you. at first i really believed my hiatus would be just that, a hiatus, but after some time, i’ve come to a decision that this place isn’t for me anymore. while i do love my threads and i’m so happy i’ve met so many amazing people here, i also recognize that i don’t exactly miss this too much. 

i don’t miss wasting hours here, being anxious and worrying about things when i’m not online. it’s simply not okay. and being here takes time from stuff i genuinely want to do. like writing novels, reading books, learning how to crotchet, drawing more often, and so on and so on. even though i try to give myself a time-limit for how much i can be around here working on drafts and all that, it never works out. i just go out of control, and it’s my fault. 

but time isn’t the only reason, definitely not. maybe the most important reason for me to quit is that i don’t enjoy the 100 any longer the way i used to. if you’ve been around me for a little longer, you probably know how much i despise the direction they took along s3 and s4. it’s not the show i fell in love with at first. it’s not the world i want to explore. while i still love octavia and all the other characters, i’m simply TIRED with it. i want to move on, i want to be really excited about new things again, and clinging onto this most likely isn’t that great idea for me.  

in the end, it seems the best decision to simply leave. i’ve had amazing time here, and i definitely will miss all the blast i’ve had with you. but this is better for me, for my mind and happiness. HOWEVER, leaving doesn’t mean i don’t care about you. i’ve made friends here, and i do want to keep in touch with you – if you just want to. you can get my skype info if you just ask via im. if we’ve been writing for longer while, and you’re up for it, i’m always open to writing some threads on skype. it’s more casual, and let’s be real, i don’t want to get rid off octavia just yet.

but you will also ALWAYS find me on one blog, no matter what. i might change others a lot, drop blogs when i get interested in different things, but it will stick with me as long as i’m going to be on tumblr. if you ever need anything, you’re more than welcomed to send a message to my wlw blog, TINYGAYLADY. 

perhaps one day i’ll come back, who knows? i can’t tell future. but for now, this is a goodbye. i love you so much, i hope you all the good! take care of yourselves and stay strange awesome! 

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

GOODBYE

i gotta be honest with you. at first i really believed my hiatus would be just that, a hiatus, but after some time, i’ve come to a decision that this place isn’t for me anymore. while i do love my threads and i’m so happy i’ve met so many amazing people here, i also recognize that i don’t exactly miss this too much. 

i don’t miss wasting hours here, being anxious and worrying about things when i’m not online. it’s simply not okay. and being here takes time from stuff i genuinely want to do. like writing novels, reading books, learning how to crotchet, drawing more often, and so on and so on. even though i try to give myself a time-limit for how much i can be around here working on drafts and all that, it never works out. i just go out of control, and it’s my fault. 

but time isn’t the only reason, definitely not. maybe the most important reason for me to quit is that i don’t enjoy the 100 any longer the way i used to. if you’ve been around me for a little longer, you probably know how much i despise the direction they took along s3 and s4. it’s not the show i fell in love with at first. it’s not the world i want to explore. while i still love octavia and all the other characters, i’m simply TIRED with it. i want to move on, i want to be really excited about new things again, and clinging onto this most likely isn’t that great idea for me.  

in the end, it seems the best decision to simply leave. i’ve had amazing time here, and i definitely will miss all the blast i’ve had with you. but this is better for me, for my mind and happiness. HOWEVER, leaving doesn’t mean i don’t care about you. i’ve made friends here, and i do want to keep in touch with you – if you just want to. you can get my skype info if you just ask via im. if we’ve been writing for longer while, and you’re up for it, i’m always open to writing some threads on skype. it’s more casual, and let’s be real, i don’t want to get rid off octavia just yet.

but you will also ALWAYS find me on one blog, no matter what. i might change others a lot, drop blogs when i get interested in different things, but it will stick with me as long as i’m going to be on tumblr. if you ever need anything, you’re more than welcomed to send a message to my wlw blog, TINYGAYLADY. 

perhaps one day i’ll come back, who knows? i can’t tell future. but for now, this is a goodbye. i love you so much, i hope you all the good! take care of yourselves and stay strange awesome! 

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

HIATUS

so… for a while being around here has been more like a responsibility than something i GENUINELY enjoy. i really love writing my girls, but this place has become tiring and upsetting, giving me more anxiety than actual relief. also the community has changed a lot, there’s been so much i’ve gone through and it’s exhausting. it’s not anyone’s fault, do not think like that, i love you all so much! but thinking constantly how i need to do replies and how i need to be active and so on isn’t doing good for me. i’m losing the spark and i feel like you and more importantly I deserve much better. 

i’ll be on hiatus for UNDEFINED TIME, i don’t know how long. week? more? i seriously don’t know, i’m coming back only when i feel good about that. this hardly is the last you’ve seen of me, last year i disappeared as well and came back much happier. i have no reason to believe it won’t be same now. i just need a damn BREAK. i basically call it a small summer vacation lmao. 

stay safe lovelies, jas is out! 🖤

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

HIATUS

so… for a while being around here has been more like a responsibility than something i GENUINELY enjoy. i really love writing my girls, but this place has become tiring and upsetting, giving me more anxiety than actual relief. also the community has changed a lot, there’s been so much i’ve gone through and it’s exhausting. it’s not anyone’s fault, do not think like that, i love you all so much! but thinking constantly how i need to do replies and how i need to be active and so on isn’t doing good for me. i’m losing the spark and i feel like you and more importantly I deserve much better. 

i’ll be on hiatus for UNDEFINED TIME, i don’t know how long. week? more? i seriously don’t know, i’m coming back only when i feel good about that. this hardly is the last you’ve seen of me, last year i disappeared as well and came back much happier. i have no reason to believe it won’t be same now. i just need a damn BREAK. i basically call it a small summer vacation lmao. 

stay safe lovelies, jas is out! 🖤

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

HIATUS

so… for a while being around here has been more like a responsibility than something i GENUINELY enjoy. i really love writing my girls, but this place has become tiring and upsetting, giving me more anxiety than actual relief. also the community has changed a lot, there’s been so much i’ve gone through and it’s exhausting. it’s not anyone’s fault, do not think like that, i love you all so much! but thinking constantly how i need to do replies and how i need to be active and so on isn’t doing good for me. i’m losing the spark and i feel like you and more importantly I deserve much better. 

i’ll be on hiatus for UNDEFINED TIME, i don’t know how long. week? more? i seriously don’t know, i’m coming back only when i feel good about that. this hardly is the last you’ve seen of me, last year i disappeared as well and came back much happier. i have no reason to believe it won’t be same now. i just need a damn BREAK. i basically call it a small summer vacation lmao. 

stay safe lovelies, jas is out! 🖤

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

HIATUS

so… for a while being around here has been more like a responsibility than something i GENUINELY enjoy. i really love writing my girls, but this place has become tiring and upsetting, giving me more anxiety than actual relief. also the community has changed a lot, there’s been so much i’ve gone through and it’s exhausting. it’s not anyone’s fault, do not think like that, i love you all so much! but thinking constantly how i need to do replies and how i need to be active and so on isn’t doing good for me. i’m losing the spark and i feel like you and more importantly I deserve much better. 

i’ll be on hiatus for UNDEFINED TIME, i don’t know how long. week? more? i seriously don’t know, i’m coming back only when i feel good about that. this hardly is the last you’ve seen of me, last year i disappeared as well and came back much happier. i have no reason to believe it won’t be same now. i just need a damn BREAK. i basically call it a small summer vacation lmao. 

stay safe lovelies, jas is out! 🖤

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

HIATUS

so… for a while being around here has been more like a responsibility than something i GENUINELY enjoy. i really love writing my girls, but this place has become tiring and upsetting, giving me more anxiety than actual relief. also the community has changed a lot, there’s been so much i’ve gone through and it’s exhausting. it’s not anyone’s fault, do not think like that, i love you all so much! but thinking constantly how i need to do replies and how i need to be active and so on isn’t doing good for me. i’m losing the spark and i feel like you and more importantly I deserve much better. 

i’ll be on hiatus for UNDEFINED TIME, i don’t know how long. week? more? i seriously don’t know, i’m coming back only when i feel good about that. this hardly is the last you’ve seen of me, last year i disappeared as well and came back much happier. i have no reason to believe it won’t be same now. i just need a damn BREAK. i basically call it a small summer vacation lmao. 

stay safe lovelies, jas is out! 🖤

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

HIATUS

so… for a while being around here has been more like a responsibility than something i GENUINELY enjoy. i really love writing my girls, but this place has become tiring and upsetting, giving me more anxiety than actual relief. also the community has changed a lot, there’s been so much i’ve gone through and it’s exhausting. it’s not anyone’s fault, do not think like that, i love you all so much! but thinking constantly how i need to do replies and how i need to be active and so on isn’t doing good for me. i’m losing the spark and i feel like you and more importantly I deserve much better. 

i’ll be on hiatus for UNDEFINED TIME, i don’t know how long. week? more? i seriously don’t know, i’m coming back only when i feel good about that. this hardly is the last you’ve seen of me, last year i disappeared as well and came back much happier. i have no reason to believe it won’t be same now. i just need a damn BREAK. i basically call it a small summer vacation lmao. 

stay safe lovelies, jas is out! 🖤

[madecommander-deactivated201711]

HIATUS

so… for a while being around here has been more like a responsibility than something i GENUINELY enjoy. i really love writing my girls, but this place has become tiring and upsetting, giving me more anxiety than actual relief. also the community has changed a lot, there’s been so much i’ve gone through and it’s exhausting. it’s not anyone’s fault, do not think like that, i love you all so much! but thinking constantly how i need to do replies and how i need to be active and so on isn’t doing good for me. i’m losing the spark and i feel like you and more importantly I deserve much better. 

i’ll be on hiatus for UNDEFINED TIME, i don’t know how long. week? more? i seriously don’t know, i’m coming back only when i feel good about that. this hardly is the last you’ve seen of me, last year i disappeared as well and came back much happier. i have no reason to believe it won’t be same now. i just need a damn BREAK. i basically call it a small summer vacation lmao. 

stay safe lovelies, jas is out! 🖤

[neptunite]

[ojistah-deactivated20180719]

sweatie:

Floral wlwoc moodboard || terfs don’t touch

[hedatombom-blog]

tidalveined: 

And Luna sat silently, letting her eyes roam over the other as she searched her body, fingertips making its way over bruises, bandages. The look upon Costia’s face is not LOST upon Luna…  They make the corner of her lips slowly tug down, clearly not pleased by the way the other had been treated. She had known since young’s on that the world was CRUEL…  It had only been confirmed to her the moment she had felt HIS blood on her hands. When she had stumbled back from HIS body and stared at her hands. Because her hands had nurtured too. Her hands had held. She had been CLOSE. And yet their CULTURE had forced this fate upon her. Upon them all.  So she had turned her back to it all. She had fled. She knew not for certain whether she would have WON from Lexa… She only knew that she didn’t want to CHANCE it.

And the life she had chosen now? It brought a certain sense of PEACE over her. She was able to look at herself and see someone WORTH saving. Derrick had HELPED. Had stood by her side unconditionally. Her right hand man. Partners. Co-leaders. And she couldn’t be more grateful for his being there. Lips curve up almost automatically at the playful word that tumbled from Costia’s lips, her eyes glancing over at the other and a soft laugh spilling from her mouth at the bump to her shoulder. “ I just do what my HEART tells me to do. ” she finally confessed, a light shrug her head tilting a bit, soft curls bouncing upon her shoulder as she looked toward Costia.

“ Or they found me. And I simply helped make it grow. ” she finally spoke, a soft smile touching at her lips. “ I don’t deserve all the credit. ” she admitted, shaking her head once. No, Derrick definitely held some credit too. Along with the others. The first ones. And on they had went until they had grown this society.

She smiles a little, in that way they’ve always been a little similar, Costia and Luna. Listening to their heart before anything else, no commands would stop Costia if she thinks what she’s going to do is right. She’s lived for her heart for so long she can remember, and she’s not going to change it. She’s been beaten and tortured by the Ice Queen’s warriors, they haven’t been kind for her, haven’t held it back. And yet she isn’t going to let any of those experiences to corrupt her heart, she’s STRONGER than that. She isn’t a warrior, but that doesn’t mean she’s any weaker than anyone else. Lexa has believed in her, and she would live for that, even though the Commander probably already thinks she’s dead. Perhaps that’s the way their lives are destined to be. Separated. 

“Of course you don’t,” she says calmly. “No one can do great things alone in this world, they always need help, need people who have their back." She wouldn’t have become one of the greatest chefs in Polis without her mentor, she wouldn’t have become Hedatu without Lexa, without her winning the Conclave. Costia leans a little closer, takes the Nightblood’s hand before kisses the palm tenderly. It’s a familiar touch, the kind she’s used to express in her previous life. “And believe me, I WISH that I will become one of those who will help to allow this place flourish.” It doesn’t matter how long she’s going to stay here in the end, she knows she will still want to help. However long she’s going to spend her time here, she’ll want to stand on her friend’s side, help her and become familiar with the place, with the people who have become so important to Luna. Her friends are also Costia’s friends, always. 

[hedatombom-blog]

mystiicanatomy: 

“Well if I had known this is all it took to get you to hold me this close I would have let you take me skating a lot sooner.” Lexa joked, smiling at her girlfriend. She tried to relax though when she stumbled she gripped Costia’s hands tighter. “Okay- yeah okay.”

“You make me sound like such a tease now!” Costia laughs, her voice bright and filled with kind warmth. She nods a little, encouraging her to relax. “I’m here all the time, you have NOTHING to fear,” she promises when she skates further, not minding how the other’s grip tightens.  

[wlwrphelp]

The 100: Earth Skills

“Who are they? What are they?” “We are so screwed” “It looks like a pain response” “This is what we’d expect to see with exposure to radiation” "I know this is hard, but we don’t have time for false hope” "Please, trust me” "Where’d you get the clothes?” “You want it back? Take it” "Is this what you want? Chaos?” “What’s wrong with a little chaos?” “You can stop this” "Don’t you see you can’t control this?” “Where’s the food?” “What the hell happened out there?” “We were attacked” “We’re stronger than you think” "We can take care of ourselves” "We are not prisoners anymore!” "We both know that you could have sent an apprentice to do this” "I need to know where you stand” “I don’t have a vote” "But you have no proof” “Please, stop” "You wanted to see me?” “Who shot me?” “Who benefits most from my death?” “If you have something to say, just say it” “I followed the law. I did my job” "I had nothing to do with the attempt on your life, but I’m not surprised that it happened” "Keep it covered. It could get infected” “My ankle’s fine” “I’m gonna help” "So far no one else has volunteered” "You’re too important” "You think you’re such an adventurer. You’re really just a coward” "Build a wall. Use the fallen trees” "You could have been killed” "I hear you have a gun” "I don’t need a babysitter” "I’m gonna make your life a living hell” "That’s a lie and you know it” "There’s some kind of a virus” "Is this all you got?” “Guess we got more in common than meets the eye, huh?” “We have nothing in common” "Your secret’s safe with me” "I should be out there” “You’re not gonna cry, are you?” “We need to take a break” “Now you sound like my mother” “We’ve got nothing but time” “Hey, how do we know this is the right way?” “Now would be a good time to take out that gun” "We don’t have time” "What the hell was that?” “Did someone call for a mechanic?“ “Follow me” "Why are you telling me this?” “Those are my terms. Take it or leave it” “We’re on first watch” “I won’t be disobeyed"