she was going to call me a bitch (playful) and i saw her gears turning like no but he's trans i need to call him the male equivalent. and then say fag and look so so surprised at the word that came out of her own mouth. it was like watching someone fail a disco elysium skill check irl
*scrolling tumblr* hmmm. i agree with the sentiment of this post, but the phrasing feels off to me. it doesnât really have that Reblog factor, you know? *scrolls* oh good, a post that just says âi jerk off till my penis scrweamâ . i better reblog this
Division of labor in the home is one of the most important equity issues of our time. Yet at this rate it will be another 75 years before men do half the work.
The optimistic tale of the modern, involved dad has been greatly exaggerated. The amount of child care men performed rose throughout the 1980s and â90s, but then began to level off without ever reaching parity. Mothers still shoulder 65 percent of child-care work. In academic journals, family researchers caution that the âculture of fatherhoodâ has changed more than fathersâ actual behavior.
Sociologists attribute the discrepancy between mothersâ expectations and reality to âa largely successful male resistance.â This resistance is not being led by socially conservative men, whose like-minded wives often explicitly agree to take the lead in the home. It is happening, instead, with relatively progressive couples, and it takes many women â who thought their partners had made a prenatal commitment to equal parenting â by surprise. Why are their partners failing to pitch in more?
The answer lies, in part, in the different ways that men and women typically experience unfairness. Inequality makes everyone feel bad. Studies have found that people who feel theyâre getting away with something experience fear and self-reproach, while people who feel exploited are angry and resentful. And yet men are more comfortable than women with the first scenario and less tolerant than women of finding themselves with the short end of the stick. Parity is hard, and this discrepancy lays the groundwork for male resistance.
Though many men are in denial about it, their resistance communicates a feeling of entitlement to womenâs labor. Men resist because it is in their âinterest to do so,â write Scott Coltrane and Michele Adams, leaders in the field of family studies, in their book, âGender and Families.â By passively refusing to take an equal role, men are reinforcing âa separation of spheres that underpins masculine ideals and perpetuates a gender order privileging men over women.â
While interviewing working parents for a book on parenthood, I spoke with one dad in Vermont who said: âThe expectation among my male friends is still that they will have the life they had before having kids. My dad has never cooked a meal. Iâve strayed from that. But subconsciously, the thing that makes you motivationally step up and do something when youâre not being asked âŠâ he trailed off, and then said: âI have justifications. Itâs a cop-out.â
Take love out of the equation and focus on the workplace, and itâs clear how this plays out. Studies show that male employees sit back while their female co-workers perform the tasks that donât lead to promotion. In a series of lab studies, the economists Lise Vesterlund, Linda Babcock and Maria Recalde and the organizational behaviorist Laurie Weingart found that in coed groups, women are 50 percent more likely than men to volunteer to take on work that no one else wants to do. But in all-male groups, the men volunteer just as readily.
In an interview with NPR, Dr. Vesterlund explained that the women do the work âbecause theyâre expected to.â The men âcome into the room, they see the women, they know how we play these games.â
We play the same games at home. I interviewed couples separately and found that the women were often angry, while many men didnât seem to realize there was a problem.
The couples offered three explanations for this labor imbalance. The first was that women take over activities like bedtime, homework and laundry because men perform these tasks inadequately. But this isnât âmaternal gatekeeping,â the theory that men want to help but women disparage their capabilities and push them out. Instead these seem to be situations that necessitate the intervention of a reasonable adult.
A mother in California said: âItâs important to me that my sons are not falling asleep in class and that theyâre not late for school. My husband does not share those priorities, so I do bedtime and school drop-off.â
The dad in Vermont explained: âI do laundry when I need it. When it comes to the kidsâ laundry, I could be more proactive, but instead I operate on my time scale. So my wife does most of their laundry. Let me do it my way and Iâm happy to do it, but if youâre going to tell me how to do it, go ahead and do it yourself.â
The second explanation involved forgetting or obliviousness. A mother in Illinois said: âMy husband is a participatory and willing partner. Heâs not traditional in terms of âI donât change diapers.â But his attention is limited.â She added, âI canât trust him to do anything, to actually remember.â
A dad in San Francisco said that many of the tasks of parenting werenât important enough to remember: âI just donât think these things are worth attending to. A certain percentage of parental involvement that my wife does, I would see as valuable but unnecessary. A lot of disparity in our participation is that.â
Finally, some men blamed their wivesâ personalities. A San Diego dad said his wife did more because she was so uptight. âShe wakes up on a Saturday morning and has a list. I donât keep lists. I think thereâs a belief that if sheâs not going to do it, then it wonât get done.â (His wife agreed that this was true, but emphasized that her belief was based on experience: âWe fell into this easy pattern where he learned to be oblivious and I learned to resent him.â)
A father in Portland, Ore., confirmed that his wife takes on more but said: âIt has to do with her personality. She always has to stay busy. No matter what day of the week it is, she has a need to be engaged, to be doing something.â
Many mothers told me they had tried to change this and had aired their grievances with their partners, only to watch as nothing changed. A mother in Queens said she spent three years trying to get her husband to do more before coming to terms with the fact that maybe it was never going to happen. âHe notices the unfairness, but he just accepts it as something we have a disagreement about,â she said. âHow much convincing of the other person can you do?â
All this comes at a cost to womenâs well-being, as mothers forgo leisure time, professional ambitions and sleep. Wives who view their household responsibilities âas unjust are more likely to suffer from depression than those who do not,â one study says. When their children are young, employed women (but not men) take a hit to their health as well as to their earnings â and the latter never recovers. Child-care imbalances also tank relationship happiness, especially in the early years of parenthood.
Division of labor in the home is one of the most important gender-equity issues of our time. Yet at the current rate of change, MenCare, a group that promotes equal involvement in caregiving, estimates that it will be about 75 more years before men worldwide assume half of the unpaid work that domesticity requires.
If anything is going to change, men have to stop resisting. Gendered parenting is kept alive by the unacknowledged power bestowed upon men in a world that values their needs, comforts and desires more than womenâs. Itâs up to fathers to cop to this, rather than to cop out.
i am so sickkkkkkkk of people seeing misogyny perpetuated by a man and automatically going "well SOMEONE'S closeted" omfg you know that men hate women even when theyre attracted to them right??? why are you more interested in making fun of gay people than hating misogynists. you fucking freak
the avatar movies are crazy bc "what if colonizers literally inhabited and puppeteered the bodies of indigenous peoples in order to exploit their homeland" sounds like the premise of some sort of anticolonial horror film, like specifically the kind of thing that would be commenting on self-indigenization among white settlers, but because it's James Cameron his whole takeaway from that premise is "it would be preddy cool"
actually sorry. the takeaway is also "the white settler possessing an indigenous body would actually be extremely good, perhaps even The Best, at being indigenous, and he would become their Leader"
now maybe im ignorant about some sort of nuance to this discussion but i find the rebrand of selfshipping to yumeshipping to be one of the most "thing, japan" incidents in recent online culture
[ID: a digital drawing of a furry dragon flying, facing to the right. It is blue and white with black stripes, six black and yellow wings, and red horns and claws. End.]
Remember when a UK bookstore offered visitors the opportunity to vandalize Harry Potter pages for 25 pence? They raised over ÂŁ4,000 for transgender healthcare! And now they need your support. Emily, co-owner of The Bookish Type, is fundraising for her own gender-affirming surgery that's covered in every Western European country aside from the UK and Ireland. Let's help her like she helped dozens of other trans people access care in an increasingly hostile nation. Support her on GoFundMe here.
"why do transmascs all have names like Elliot Liam or Alex and nothing cool!!"
because you bullied us out of the cool name
every joke you guys make about 2020 kids a Tommy goes back into the closet, every comment you make about neopronouns a kid named Bug who uses Xe/He/It/Pog switches to He/They Milo and never feels comfortable, every joke you make about the freaks from from 2020 and focus on them being Theyfab trenders instead of the fucked up things they did a teenage boy who was about to call himself Swamp online dies
bullying kills, and despite the fact you keep saying that, theres still only Alex Elliott and Robin left and everytime you make a joke about who they used to be instead of how they used to act, a sarah comes back and hates herself
discoholicmusic
germansingergirl
theartofmadeline
ellievsbear
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
