Hello~

"I have no idea what I'm doing here."

[hellomissmurphy]

Had a customer today whose name was Slobodan Srbinovski and I’m like “For.... Slo...bo...dan???” He’s just like “Yeah you can just call me Dan I’m sorry for my name.” I meet the strangest people at work I swear.

[kelpls]

IT’S OCTOBER 

[sassenach-scot]

It’s not October but I can’t not reblog this

[dovewithscales]

This is a viable solution.

[nightmarejasmine]

HALLOWEEN!

[hellomissmurphy]

Using necromancy for pets, I approve

[hellomissmurphy]

My entire family is super tall: my dad is 6′4″, my mom is 5′11″ or 6′, my 24 year old brother is 6′8″ and my 16 year old brother is 6′5″. I’m 5′8″ or 5′9″. I am literally the shortest in the family and taller than most people I know. I met this dude on okcupid, we get to chattin’, a week or two into chattin’ I realize his profile says 5′4″. Mentioned this to my mother and she’s like “haha no we don’t let short people in this house” and mentioned it to my 6′8″ brother and he’s like “Noooo Sissy you can’t date a short guy I’ll step on him at Thanksgiving” So long story short this guy and I have decided we may very well start dating out of spite for my gibborim ass family. 10/10 would date out of spite.

[hellomissmurphy]

My brother almost went to jail for being Dyslexic

So my brother is dyslexic asf, especially about numbers. He had to take special classes for behavior problems and learning disabilities in middle school and elementary school, so we’ve just learned to cope. Also, he’s a car guy, like the kind that street races kinda car guy. So he tends to speed a lot, and ended up getting like ten tickets in such a short time they’re like “Hey man you have to come to court and pay a $500 fine because we don’t know what to do with you” and he’s like “Yeah okay” Except he’s dyslexic and he misread the court order. He reversed all the numbers. So he comes to the station/courthouse like an ENTIRE MONTH LATE and he’s like “Hey I’m here to pay my $500 fine for speeding tickets” and the lady at the window is like “Sir did you know there’s a warrant out for your arrest??” And my brother turns around and stares blankly at the three cops standing behind him with their hands on their holsters and then goes “nO I DIDNT WHAT” They ended up letting him pay the fee and forgave him but he’s still constantly panicked about it like “Shit I got another ticket SISSY WHAT IF I MISREAD THIS ONE SHIT WHAT DAY DOES THAT SAY???”

[imdope420]

English teachers can either be the coolest teacher you ever had or the worst thing ever

[hellomissmurphy]

My freshman English teacher literally went insane they had to put him in the school for special people in the back office because he was no longer allowed to interact with people

[imgfave]

[hellomissmurphy]

What was that, bitch

[preciousprincesa]

boys like it when youre playfully mean to them. call them names. punch them on the shoulder. murder their families 

[hellomissmurphy]

that last one sounds perfect

[eva-420]

[eva-420]

please stop reblogging this post

[twlboaj]

gno

[hellomissmurphy]

gnevar

[greatwhiteprivilege]

it ok

[whimsicalfetus-deactivated20130]

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING

[greatwhiteprivilege]

ur own lil cheerleader

[hellomissmurphy]

POM POM CRABS W00T

[nayx-deactivated20200109]

you are under arrest for being tall.  get down here.  what are you doing

[xk187-deactivated20130123]

who said that

[nayx-deactivated20200109]

im down here

[hellomissmurphy]

I hope you hit your head on the door frame.

[netflixbtw-blog]

snickers frappuccino omfg

[netflixbtw-blog]

almost 40k omg

[hellomissmurphy]

How white are you

[hellomissmurphy]

The fact that my best friend is a guy and I'm a socially awkward girl makes for some interesting conversations

[thugilly]

me: wow that exam was easy *gets a 53*

[hellomissmurphy]

Me in Economics class

[hellomissmurphy]

Everyone take a minute to appreciate how incredible Tom Baker's Doctor was, okay?

[ajinsai]

[patchoulol]

American stereotypes overseas will never cease to amuse me.

[hellomissmurphy]

But chocolate though

[hellomissmurphy]

Can't have Jack and Sally's baby sick

Who is Jack and Sally and why is my friend acting as if I'm their child

[hellomissmurphy]

So I'm sitting here in the Greenhills library and there's this kid eating cake and punch to celebrate the Cincinnati Library System's 160th anniversary and he put his cake in his punch and his mom goes "Oh honey don't do that that's not something normal people do, stop it!" and the little boy goes "But mom, it tastes good."