undiagnosed autistic people will be like "I don't get upset when my routine changes though!!" and it's because they've built a set of if-then loops in their head to pick from one of 6 different strict routines and they do get incredibly upset when they're unable to keep to any of the 6 scripts. I'm john normal
This is called a fault tree. You will always know how to act if your fault tree captures all possible scenarios. In NASA Mission Control during mission critical events like landings there are huge binders with fault tree protocols, kind of like choose your own adventure books except you’re not the one making the choices, the universe is making them for you and you’re just trying to keep up.
The engineers who develop fault trees, I am told, often imagine new ways for their precious spacecraft to die (new branches on the fault trees) either while in the shower or lying awake at 3am, because human
I feel like IvanTill isn't so much an "unrequited" love, as it is an "unresolved" love.
They both loved each other, maybe not in the exact same way, but the love was there. They just didn't have the terms needed or the knowledge on how to express those feelings in a way that the other could understand them.
Despite all their miscommunication and misunderstandings, Ivan still loved Till enough that he chose to walk to his death in the hopes that Till might continue to live. Till loved Ivan enough that even years after his death, he still thinks about Ivan and is severely impacted by his loss.
Small observations on the ROMH Till cover (and Karma)
I did this pointing out the obvious bc I'm tired of seeing people saying these covers are for Mizi when Vivinos herself hasn't made any content referencing his past crush on her since "Remember everything" came out and it was confirmed that Till no longer has romantic feelings for her.
Not to mention the lyrics of the songs don't fit with his relationship with Mizi, not even from Till's pov. He would never ask Mizi to "make him her god" bc he was aware that she loved someone else and never cared. He never wanted to be reciprocated romantically by her like he wanted to be reciprocated by Ivan, getting angry whenever he denied their connection (like when Ivan "rejected" the flower crown he tried to give him or when he insulted him by calling him a loser and indirectly denying that they were friends)
These things made Till angry bc he CARED, and he realized that Ivan cared too when it was too late.
Do you think Mizi had a higher intimacy rating with Ivan (75%) than with Till (30%) at least in part because of their conversation in the True Face comic?
Like, Ivan is nice to her and they talk and hang out sometimes, which I’m sure is on par with other students, but unlike other male students (sorry to put you in this group Till), he doesn’t “like” Mizi that way.
He doesn’t want anything from her. He doesn’t even want to watch her from a distance like some sort of goddess (so sorry again, Till).
There’s no ulterior motive for him to be friendly to her.
Maybe Mizi could sense that?
She could be friends with Ivan without having to worry about him taking the things she said or did the “wrong way.”
He wouldn’t misinterpret her taking a nap on him or asking for a piggyback ride as something romantic.
She was comfortable around Ivan.
Maybe Mizi even felt like she could trust him? Or at least not have her guard up.
Now that’s not to say that she distrusted Till or thought he would act like the blond guy did, however—
I can see why she would feel less fond of Till versus Ivan.
And the fact that the first thing he said when she asked why he liked her was because she was pretty made things worse.
Till didn’t like Mizi because of her personality.
He liked her because she was pretty.
Shallow. Surface level.
He built up this fantasy of her in his head and that’s what he loved.
Not her.
Just like all of the other boys “circling around her all the time.”
This is my favorite panel in the comic, because it says so much about what Mizi’s thinking without her having to say a word.
The dull look in her eye.
“I see. You’re just like all of the others.”
An invisible string between them is severed.
Mizi is the only one who notices.
This conversation also recontexualizes a lot of other art we’ve seen of Mizi and Till interacting.
She’s not oblivious to his blushing or how he stumbles over his words when talking to her. She knows what it means and is purposefully ignoring all of that because he’s her friend and she wants him to stay that way. Nothing more.
This is the second time Mizi is shown telling Till directly and in no uncertain terms that she likes/loves Sua, and I can imagine the fact that he doesn’t seem to take the hint would make her keep some distance.
It’s her way of protecting herself.
She doesn’t want him to be angry.
Saying no could be dangerous.
The last time she rejected someone it ended in violence.
(Again, not saying Till would do this, but Mizi doesn’t know that for sure.)
She has to be kind and sweet.
She has to let him down gently.
She has to say no in a roundabout way.
She has to tread lightly. Watch her words. Her physical contact. Even how long she looks at a boy so they don’t get the wrong idea.
And if they do, it’s her fault.
Whether or not Mizi knows Ivan is gay doesn’t really matter either.
It’s about the security of knowing you can just be yourself around someone.
Mizi is so full of self hatred and a complex of survivors guilt that she can monologue forever, claiming she's inherently manipulative and held less love in her heart for her castmates than they did her
and then it will cut to a flashback of mizi so overwhelmed by her adoration for sua's face that her collar goes red, and then you'll see her reaction to Till and hyuna's deaths to be to bomb the stadium. every breath mizi takes longer than sua is filled with agony and conflict, and somehow mizi has convinced herself that she was inherently a predator to those she outlived just because she feared death
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