tumblr wont let me delete this account

jesus fuck

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

hey i remade ask for the url if u want

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

hey i remade ask for the url if u want

[hawwokittyremade]

Glow theme

hi i wanted to make a glow theme for aesthetic reasons… though there is also the option to not have it glow (like in the second preview) 

preview 1 | preview 2 | code 

some features are:

post size (250, 300, 350, 400 px) different borders and fonts glow gradient background 4 extra links

if you have any questions, please send me an ask!

(also here is the base code i used!) 

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

im thinking about remaking again to be honest. this blog is nothing but bad memories and just, yikes. 

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

hbhjbjbssndn What's Up™

dissociation and anxiety :(((((

[paintcore]

[cheernobyl-remade-deactivated20]

@angelicmars

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

okay it can't be a coincidence that once i got out of that shitty relationship that my battery power is better on my ipod. like we barely texted when we were together so i can't contribute that to the battery loss so lol he was cursed

[vanwizard]

i. can explain

[satansexandsadness]

Right so I’m watching babadook tonight with Ash and I was really shitting myself cos I’m not great with horror films but now I’m just gonna be thinking of this and pissing myself all way through

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

@gorebee

[flyingpurplepizzaeater]

when you go from a bad situation into a better one you may collapse exhausted and unsure what to do and full of grief, you may need time to regain the ability to do things as yourself or motivated by anything other than terror, you may need time to process or mourn or fall apart in ways you could not before,

and people may use this as proof that the old situation was better for you, proof that you need to go back, and it is not proof that it was better for you or proof that you need to go back

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

!!!

It’s so incredibly common to “fall apart” when you’re finally safe. You no longer need to stay so tightly coiled in on yourself, you can finally leave survival mode and process your trauma. You’re not holding yourself up by sheer terror anymore and suddenly the damage that terror has done to you becomes immediate and obvious. 

[kipplekipple]

This is so important. Don’t go back. Things are already getting better, even if it doesn’t feel that way.

[lilbittydragon-deactivated20241]

This is a documented phenomenon with abuse in particular. I’ve had a number of people ask me why they’re falling apart now after they’ve moved into a safer home, or they’re in a less dangerous area, or they’ve left an exploitative job, or they’re in a healthy relationship for the first time. Generally, it’s because they made that positive change. 

When we’re still in the midst of crisis, we’re often too overloaded and physically/emotionally unsafe to really feel or process anything. So for most of us, everything gets pushed down/repressed/dissociated until later, when we’re safe and supported. The threshold of safety at which processing begins to occur varies from person to person. And the mental calculations used to determine “safety” usually happen on an unconscious level. Very few of us have the conscious thought “I’m safe now, so I can process what happened to me.” Instead, the subconscious realizes some level of safety has been achieved, and so it just dumps a load of suppressed stuff. 

Sometimes, it’s contrast to past experiences that makes us realize something was traumatic at all. In such cases, it’s not that we’ve reached a level of safety and can thus begin to process, it’s that we finally have a basis for comparison to know that what went before was unacceptable. 

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

This post is too relevant to me now. When I was in a relationship with my now ex boyfriend he never let me process the trauma he put on me, nor did I realize that his constant words of "I'm the only one who can handle you" and rape and sexual assault were abuse. I'm now out of that relationship and I keep breaking down sobbing. Because I'm finally processing his abuse.

[dolcestys-blog]

Nothing justifies rape.

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

do some people not realize that abused people don't realize it was abuse till later or ???

[painstation-deactivated20181026]

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

this just in all rapists can DIE!!!! DIE!!!

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

today’s a good day ya’ll <3

[powerburial]

i regret telling a coworker i was vegetarian because now a year later theyre vegan and they live in portland and every single day they post a video on facebook of them like running up to a truck full of cows and crying and apologizing to them

[iamoutofideas]

who’s papa john

[iamoutofideas]

I just realized that I commented on the wrong post.

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

@gorebee

[hellsitewontletmedelete-blog]

hey guys i'm single now and am actually doing really well! i've looked back on my relationship with my ex, and tbh that was really toxic. i felt really suicidal the entire time and he seemingly made a point to make sure i knew i stressed him out. funny thing is, i'm gonna feel suicidal when i'm forced to keep things bottled up bc im made to seem like such a burden. but i'm healing now, and realizing that i'm worth more than my old relationship made me feel. i know that i'm deserving of a nurturing relationship where i'm allowed to communicate my feelings before they turn into suicidal thoughts/ideations/attempts. i am deserving of a relationship in which my partner doesn't see me as nothing but stress and a burden. where my partner doesn't jump ship because things get hard. a relationship, believe it or not, is more than goofing off and sex. there will be hardships, and you have to get through those. relationships aren't always lollipops and rainbows. but it takes emotional maturity to understand that.