Help from the Love Ninja

The Love Ninja is here for you! Who is he? A mysterious Ninja with a mysterious past from mysterious parts. But that's not important! What is important is he is here to post about the difficulties of finding love... and how sometimes you wish you had a Ninja to help you out.

[helpfromloveninja]

A traveler returns and gives some dating advice.

Well I am finally back from a rather long and perilous journey that took many more months than I thought it would. But, finally, I am home.  Here’s a small anecdote from my weary wanderings.  At one point, I grew hungry* and so I stopped in a small town for food. Another person was there and upon realizing I was a Ninja that dispensed dating advice** they told me they had been suffering all day because they felt they had missed an opportunity with someone they were interested in. if my memory recalls*** this person had the opportunity to invite someone over to hang out but then got cold feet in actually asking because, and I quote... 

“What if they said no?”

Turns out that not only was the other party interested, they were disappointed when they were not asked to hang out. And that series of events led to more second guessing and gnashing of teeth until I walked into the cafe and asked if they had any good live alligator for consumption. 

Upon hearing this predicament, I offered this advice:

If you fear you’ve missed an opportunity, ask that someone, 

“Did I miss something here?”

It never hurts to ask, and if they say yes, well then you need to reply with something along the lines of, 

“Oh I’m so sorry, I hope I haven’t hurt your feelings, what can I do to make up for this?”

People are some of the most resilient creatures on this planet and that tenacity is mostly of a mental nature. We can put up with a lot. So, and this is a certainty to the point of being a universal constant. You’re going to screw up, and while you should always do your best, don’t be afraid of making a genuine mistake. Own up to it and move on without dwelling. It does nothing for you to dwell if you can learn from the mistake and carry on. You’ll show an inner strength that will broadcast a person of confidence and maturity and that’s a good thing. 

Well I’m gone for now, but I’ll be back soon.  <3

LN

*Yes, Ninjas eat, we just eat more Ninja-ey things such as nachos made with real lava.  **Instead of ass kickings.  *** It does... with deadly certainty.

[helpfromloveninja]

I can has cake? And nunchuka two?

Wow... wowwowwowwow. 

This blog turned two today. And I'm sorry folks if you've felt cheated out of more content but suffice it to say, I've had a busy year. 

There's the Love Ninja-ing*, the blog and then there is my time spent to myself. 

And unfortunately I didn't have as much time to myself as I would have liked thanks to the work I do. Do I regret? No way. Regret** is not the mindset of a Ninja. 

So I took some time off (not from Love Ninja-ing*** but from the blog.

And I'm sorry. Sorry to have left folk so unceremoniously, but I am in fact a Ninja and we are known to disappear now and then. I looked in my inbox today and yikes. So I'll be trying to get with that program as soon as possible****. 

So what tidbit can I leave you with today? 

Here's a good one. Are you dating someone? Good! Now let's make it a challenge. A communication challenge that is. You and that special someone should sit down, after a nice meal perhaps, and tell each other one thing you have not mentioned to them ever before. For most folk, there are a lot of things unsaid between significant others. And to be truthful, if you don't communicate, it creates distance. We live in a world where you can message anyone in the world at any moment. Smart Phones honestly give me the creeps, but seriously, unlimited communication in the pocket and people still cannot talk to each other! So do yourself and your partner a favor. Be open, be honest, share. It'll become a habit and that can lead to a great relationship!

<3

LN

*Oh I'm coining that phrase you betcha. 

**Regret is that thing that people drink when they do something stupid I think. Oh no wait, that's alcohol... huh.

*** All rights reserved... boom!

****Even though I'm a Ninja, we are slow to e-mail, sorry. 

[helpfromloveninja]

Love Ninja Advice (Plans and schemes and why they don't mix)

Hmm, this came across my inbox. 

Dear LN, 

Recently I had plans with someone I'm seeing and we were all set to go on a romantic evening downtown. But I love mountain climbing and do it regularly. Now, when we made this date plan it was with the proviso that if an opportunity came up to go climb a set of ranges I've always wanted to, then we'd reschedule the date. Also if something came up on their end then we could reschedule to keep it even. So the opportunity came up and I spent a thrilling weekend in the mountains but now I'm dealing with someone that is mad at me for something we already agreed upon. How can I avoid this in the future?

My response:

I've never met a mountain that loved someone as much as another person does. In fact usually mountains are trying to kill you*. So to sum up... you are seeing someone and planned a special night out but then cancelled on the sure bet that you knew a mountain range would be calling. Were the mountains going somewhere? How about that someone? Because I have to tell you, I've also never heard of mountains getting tired of being stood up and telling that person to take a hike**. 

You've committed a terrible blunder***. You've shown that your hobby is more important than the important someone in your life. And quite frankly the fact that you don't see what you did wrong isn't that great either. 

Again, what were the mountains doing next weekend after your special night? I understand climbing mountain ranges takes time to plan, equipment gathering, and tracking weather patterns but unless this is your profession, couldn't it have waited? You may have missed out on an opportunity of being with someone who is the love of your life. All for a mountain that has been around millions of years and will continue to be around a few more million years (and then some.) And more so, who came up with this compromise? Was it you? I know it was you because you wanted to climb that mountain. Did you ever think of a better compromise? Perhaps that other person wanted to go with you on this amazing trip? Or better yet you could have stuck with your original plans to be with someone. 

You need to learn to be more flexible. I'm not talking about understanding when someone cancels on you... because quite frankly that other person was not planning to cancel on you. You made that plan to cancel on them and try and get out of it guilt free. You knew it. They knew it. That's why they're mad. You made a sad excuse to get out of a date, and you demeaned that other person's intelligence with your lackluster ruse. They saw through it when you were scheming. Don't do it again. 

Here's what you do to avoid such calamities. Have a single plan with someone. Or don't, but do not plan separate events, where only one involves a special someone, on the same day. You follow? When you're dating someone, date them. Plan with them for events and of course have your own time as well, but not as a caveat to time with each other. Keep doing what you're doing now and you'll be starting at the beginning of your climb all over again****.

Having said all this, always be flexible and live in the now. Did some part of your date not work out? Okay, bounce back, be spontaneous, embrace that. You do that when you're climbing right? Dating can be equally challenging but far more rewarding in my mind.

<3

LN

*With only slightly less success than ninjas. But all the same, we respect them for their stoic deadliness. And maybe some other 'ness. Take your pick.

**Mountaineering humor for you. Stick around I've got loads of material.

***Ever fallen into a crevasse? What you've done is worse. Much much worse.

**** Ooh! Another climbing gag!

[helpfromloveninja]

Love Ninja Advice (Going Places)

Huh, 

I guess my dry spell of posts created a dry spell of emails for advice... but here's a good one that popped up the other day: Dear Love Ninja,  I've been dating someone for only a little bit and now due to my job I am moving away and we are really not sure where to go from here. What should I/we do?

My response:

...

Well, what do you want to do? Because there are a lot of options on the table for a couple that has been seeing each other for short time. You can have a long distance relationship* or stop seeing each other, or maybe that person wants to move with you (you really didn't specify what amount of time you'd been dating so... yeah.)

I'm going to harp on one of my favorite tools** of a good relationship and life in general... communication. And here's the tough thing. Both parties have to communicate. Guys, do not clam up your feelings and thoughts on any matter of importance with someone you're dating... and ladies, take it easy on the guys, sometimes they honestly don't notice something that you do. If you talk about it, you have such a greater chance to fixing a problem. 

But as far as keeping this other person in your life, I have one question for you:

"How do you see your life without that person?"

Knowing that answer will help you with your decision. And again a detailed, and dynamic conversation on the matter will help. 

I hope this helps and best of luck to you. 

<3

LN

*http://helpfromloveninja.tumblr.com/post/74030175939/love-ninja-advice-long-distance  **Other than nunchaku, throwing stars, tiger snares, Malaysian tiger snares (those are very different), and also a fine appreciation of red wines. 

[helpfromloveninja]

Love Ninja Anecdote (Strings and Things) Also Wow!

Wow! Just wow.

I know I've been gone for a little while folks and for that I apologize but it seems that there was some serious ninja work to be done and a ninja's work is never truly done*

So I thought I would start my return off with an anecdote. 

We had an obstacle course** when I was being trained as a ninja. One of the sections was a series of interconnected ropes that made a very large web***. Now this web, I felt, was the most challenging. This wasn't because of the drop, well it was, but it was the ropes that were the real problem. There were false ropes, meaning they had more slack in them than it seemed. If you grabbed onto a false rope, it would sag and you would lose your balance... and likely**** get eaten. 

Sensei always used to like to tell us just as we were about to grab onto the wrong rope that 

"You are too focused on one course. There are others."

Now, he didn't tell us which rope was the false one*****, there were many. But what he was doing was ensuring that we were not too focused on one particular path. That's what the false ropes ensured. If you were too focused on one route across the obstacle then you were sure to fail. But if you kept your mind open then you would cross safely. 

Life is like that and so, by proxy, is dating. Perhaps you have been focused on a person you are trying  to begin a relationship with but you become so centered on that someone that if or when it does not work out then you feel like the ground is giving way under you. Trust me, it's not. You're not on that obstacle course. You're just living your life and there will be failures. But luckily those failures need not lead into a pit of doom******. 

I've spoken before on how not to fear failure but learn from it. But it shouldn't just be failure you are learning from. If that's all you do then that denotes you are only paying attention to the end result and not the actions that determined said result. This is where it pays to keep in mind what you are doing while you are dating. This is what sensei was trying to teach me about the web and what I now try to teach you. Life is a web, and various courses have a multitude of outcomes. Pay attention to your course, remember it, if no other reason than to tell others what you learned. Passing on knowledge is one of the greatest achievements we have in life. 

...

Was that too out there? Okay, how about these apples*******... flowers are great but if you realize a special someone's interests and hand make something for them that includes that interest, you're scoring mad points. These should be small things, like origami, or other simple stuff. If they like horses, don't try and make a saddle... I, don't even know how'd that'd work out.

<3

LN

*Like that steak you cook how it always seems just a tad too rare and needs how many more minutes? Three? Five? Ugh. 

**Obstacle may be not be the word... more like an Ultimate Challenge of Death and Strategy Course? Yeah, that's it.

***Over a fifty foot drop, into a pit of crocodiles. They rarely went hungry. See, not team building obstacle course at all. Nope. 

****Absolutely.

*****I sometimes feel my sensei was a bit... mean. 

******Crocodiles. 

*******Apples, do you like 'em?

[helpfromloveninja]

Love Ninja Advice (Getting to know you...)

This came across my inbox of recent...

Dear Ninja, 

I've recently started dating this person (who I think is great) but recently we had our first fight. It was pretty small but I clearly hurt their feelings over some that was said (that I did not mean to be an insult) and I apologized I do not think the apology was effective. What's the best way to make up with someone you're just getting to know?

My response:

Hmm, well you've sort of identified the cause and solution to your problem  at the end there. You are just getting to know this person, yes? Well I hate to break this to you but you're going to make each other mad sometimes. Or upset, or sad. Humans experience such as broad range of emotions and each of those emotions have triggers and each person can have a myriad of them. So two people  equals twice the myriad* and that can be the cause of some shaky times at the start. 

Never forget that this is a complete person with their own set of goals, dreams, fears and thoughts. So when you do or say something which inadvertently upsets them, then COMMUNICATE! Talk about what was said, how it made them feel and then take note of it. Remember to also share your own feelings and triggers with that person and with time you will be both know how to treat each other in a loving and respectful manner that will not unintentionally upset either of you. This can take a lifetime. But like anything truly worth doing, it is worth doing right** 

Oh and if you have a problem with direct communication, you can always write it all down for their perusal. And perhaps they will respond in a similar fashion. The only wrong way to fix the issue is by doing nothing after you've created it. 

Best of luck to you!***

<3

LN

*Tyriad? Twiad? Forget it. 

**Sensei used to say that after he'd whack me upside the head for improper technique. 

***Huh, a whole article gone without any mention of Tigers, Volcanoes, or nunchuka. Oh wait... NERTZ!

[helpfromloveninja]

Love Ninja Anecdote (Sensei or a mentor you should have.)

Hey there. 

So I've mentioned way back when (and recently) my sensei who taught me all my cool ninja techniques... well I'll be honest, I know when you're thinking of a ninja you think of only one thing* but the art of ninjitsu is not the only thing he taught**.

Many times in my less active*** hours I would find my sensei meditating in the communal garden about some ponderous idea that often would stump the greatest of philosophers****. 

He would motion for me to sit near him and together we would talk through the mysteries of the human mind*****. 

The point I am trying to reach at is that at pretty much all the points in our life there is someone who knows better and has been there before that we should be listening to. Listen to them. Make them your sensei, and you will be that much better off. 

This is not exclusively in the realm of romance even. You have people at your job you can learn from, you can learn from your parents, or perhaps a friend who has a different mindset than you do but gets the job done successfully. The ability to listen to those with wisdom (of any type) is crucial in being able to get by in life, never mind what you think going in. You never know everything, no one does. Listen to those who can help and be a better person because of it. 

Okay, that was a little bit vague in the realm of dating advice and I get that. So here's a quick bit of advice. You know the times you take someone out for coffee? Well listen to their order and remember it. Knowing what they like when they go for coffee (which can be extensive and crazy detailed) means you are paying attention. Keep at that and you've got a fighting chance. 

<3

LN

*Awesomeness and explosions and stuff.

**He also taught philosophy, chemistry, and creative writing... what? How do you think I started this blog?

***And less often.

****Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Idiots. 

*****him more than me, mostly I'd sit and fall asleep because I'd been awake for 72 hours straight.

[helpfromloveninja]

Ninja Anecdote (Communication 'n Motion.)

I thought today would be fun to hit two birds with one stone*, some stuff about ninjas and some dating advice.

You may notice that I have quite a verbose vocabulary here but if you were to meet me in person you'd see I speak very little. In fact not at all. Unless I'm in disguise in which case is that even me speaking?

Ninja's aren't sworn to silence, we just don't go jabbering on all day because we waste nothing. We're silent because we are listening and because we are observing. And not only do we take it all in but we show it. Why? Because paying attention is important and you never wanted the sensei to think you weren't paying attention in the dojo**. A lot of you who have read my articles know where this is going.

As in ninja missions, when dating, pay attention and make it show. Why? because you are thus communicating interest. Which is a good thing. Simple things like making eye contact with your date, and providing thoughtful insight to what they are saying is vital to success. Are you one of those people who cannot state people in the eye? That's okay. A good trick is to focus to the left or right of their brow, or the ear, keeping the feel of eye contact while not making you nervous. Oh and blink too, dry eyes are terrible***

I mentioned posture before. How you hold and carry yourself in conversation says just as much as what you are saying. The most romantic speech of your life doesn't amount to a hill of beans if you're muttering it all while looking at your hands and slouching. Slouchy ninjas get the stick.****

Oh and one other thing, when choosing a place to meet someone, do not pick a place with loud music. Granted dancing is great but you are not going to get to know the person. Want to show off your skills? Do that after a get to know each other session.

<3

LN

* This is merely a saying. If a ninja actually threw a stone it would hit all the birds.

**Hanging by thumbs is not fun. Sensei made it worse.

*** All ninja kits have eye drops. 'Nuff Said.

****Cornered by a ninja? Shout "Sensei get the stick!" They might freeze momentarily allowing you to get away... for about ten seconds anyway.

[helpfromloveninja]

Got this yesterday:

Dear Ninja,

You mentioned you had a tiger, Mr. Snackerz. Can I see a photo?

Thanks!

Above is a photo of Mr. Snackerz. He's a Sumatran Tiger (Panthera tigris sumatrae) of the Sunda Islands in Indonesia. He and his kind are critically endangered due to habitat loss, prey depletion and poaching. Of the species of Sunda Island tigers, Sumatran Tigers are the only breed not extinct. 

Tigers aren't the only ones that have it tough. So many of our alpha predator animals are being threatened  into extinction by encroaching humanity. Can you imagine telling your children what these great animals used to look like? How they used to sound? Don't let it happen people. These animals need our help.

Oh and by the way, a zoo is a really fun place to take a date. People love animals and many zoos are dedicated to animal conservation. So win win.

[helpfromloveninja]

Love Ninja Advice (Travel completes you.)

This was an interesting message I received the other day. Dear Ninja,

I travel often for work and I'm worried about meeting someone while I'm far from home and that it won't work but I really will like this person. So I don't go out while I'm traveling because of that fear. Is this a good idea?

My response.

... No, I do not think that is a good idea. A person should always embrace travel as much as they can for the myriad of lessons that can be learned. And part of travel means going out and meeting people! I've spoken before about looking too far forward* and that is what you are falling into**.

So, let's dive into some hypothetical scenarios. You go to some great city for work, and you are out and about when you happen to meet someone. Great! You made a friend. And maybe that person is single and maybe they are not. You've still got a connection in that region that is always a boon especially if you end up returning.

Carrying on, let's say this friendship turns romantic, you are still okay. Because like you said, you travel a lot and you can always come back. Not too mention the whole going too far forward thing again but no one ever knows what the future holds***. You may carry on a long distance relationship, that other person may move, you may move, or maybe it doesn't work out but you stay life long friends.

So many possibilities. And you possibly lose all that by being too scared to give it a try. It sounds to me like the frequent travel isn't the real problem. Never be afraid to go out and give it your best. You may be surprised what lies over the horizon****.

* http://helpfromloveninja.tumblr.com/post/43579732892/thoughts-from-the-love-ninja-part-2

**Like an unsuspecting person in a snare. Hee Hee.

***Except Dr. Emmett Brown. And even then, not so much.

****It may be me, taking my pet tiger for a walk. His name is Mr. Snackerz.

[helpfromloveninja]

Ninja Anecdote (Clothes make the mission.)

So someone questioned me on the wearing of my traditional black* outfit and mask. They asked me what was the point of wearing black at all? And was it true that ninjas wore other colors or even other outfits?

Well, maybe some forgot about my little diatribe about my being a Disguise Master Master** if so that's okay, because it's below.

And yes, to answer shortly, Ninjas wear other colors of outfit. Blue and dark green are in fact excellent for blending a Ninja into a low light environment where as black*** is actually easier to detect. But sometimes, a black (you get it) suit is just the right thing for the job.

It's all about presence you see. Ninjas sometimes made a great show **** during their various missions. A dramatic persona goes a lot farther. Think of Batman but less... angsty, I guess that's a word.

What am I getting at here? Simply put, clothes make the man (or woman) and quite frankly the ladies are doing a lot better on this than the fellas. Men, do not even try to argue this. I've been out on reconnaissance far too many times to see a woman dressed to impressed with a guy who's wearing a t-shirt and the jeans he's been wearing for the last week.

She may tell you that it isn't a big deal (it is. ) And she may say she doesn't care (she does.) In spite of you looking like you crawled out of a ditch (you do) that woman is still out with you. So you better make a good impression. And then get yourself a better wardrobe.

Take it from a Ninja. There are times to get dressed up, and there are times sweat pants are okay. And when you give that extra effort to the person you are seeing, that effort goes a long way in showing that you care for them.

Someone also asked what I wear when I'm not in my Ninja outfit. I didn't quite understand the phrasing but I have to say that I like the look of a trim suit and tie. Very spiffy. Throw in a Ninja mask and I just may wear one sometime. Elegant Ninja. Yeah.

<3

LN

*As the depths of a cave, underwater, at night.

** http://helpfromloveninja.tumblr.com/post/43956726909/a-ninja-anecdote-discretion

***Cave, water, night got it.

****Everything goes boom.

[helpfromloveninja]

A milestone... also some Love Ninja Advice or how I learned to stop worrying when things don't work out.

Hi folks,

It's been a while since I've been on here, suffice it to say a Love Ninja's work is never done*

I've been out of town, and now my inbox is crammed to capacity with some people asking for advice. And I'll get to that in just a moment but first...

I received a message from Tumblr dated a few weeks back that my blog had turned one year old. I also see that this will be my thirtieth post of said blog... that's pretty dang sweet if you ask me. So thanks to all who write to me, and thanks to all those that follow me... the blog, not actually following me... don't do that. I'm still a ninja. There are consequences.** 

With that done, let's get to some advice.

A person I saw the other day mentioned that their recent relationship failed to mature into anything seriously. They then asked me what they did wrong. I listened to their story and honestly concluded that for whatever reason that the relationship failed to takeoff it was not any fault of their own.

That's kind of a big deal in the dating world folks. Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don't. I wish I had a better explanation for it but that is a simple, hard truth and  those are often the most difficult to understand***.

Sometimes you meet people, and even though you both seem like a great match that doesn't mean it's always going to be so. Maybe that other person has something on their mind that keeps them from committing. Or it just isn't the right time in their life. You've heard people say "I just got over a break-up." That is a harsh thing for a person to go through, believe me.

The only answer to this scenario is persevere, buck up, it will all be fine. You're braving a dangerous ocean that is the dating life. You will have setbacks caused by the most minute of meteorology that will leave you feeling stranded in a storm. Then again, you will also have your days in the sun where all is fair winds and following seas.****

<3

LN

*Did you enjoy your first day of romantic spring weather? You're welcome.

**Consequences being an allusion to Malaysian tiger snares. I have lot's of them, some with tigers still in them. Choose wisely!

***That and astrophysics, quantum string theory, the idea of consciousness and yo-yos (HOW DO THEY WORK?!?)

****Who wants to go sailing? No really!

[helpfromloveninja]

Love Ninja Advice (Long Distance)

Here's an interesting message I picked up yesterday...

Dear Ninja Dude, 

I recently met someone who's my ideal person to be with but just as we are getting to know each other they have to leave for several weeks on business. How am I supposed to make this work? Long Distance relationships are no picnic.

My response:

Long distance relationships are a challenge indeed but just try doing something like that in the 18th century*. Here's part of my new approach to my column, now it's got history.

John Adams was one of the founding fathers of the United States of America. He was to some (historians) what would eventually be the modern man. He was against slavery, believed in the idea of the then colonies governing themselves and eventually would become the second President of the United States. His wife Abigail was every bit the match. As the First Lady (and before that) she actively spoke her mind on multiple subjects (slavery, women's rights (this was a point of contention between her and her husband sometimes) and she regularly voiced her beliefs in public so she was very much a modern minded woman**.

How do we know all this? Because they wrote to each other like crazy!

The correspondence between the Adams before their marriage, during continental congress and during the war of independence are considered some of the most romantic letters between a man and woman***. And the best part is that all those letters were saved for the posterity of everyone today. I highly suggest you go and read them over at Masshistory.org****. Think of the hardship those two went through. Their world was changing drastically, violently. Life wasn't that easy back then (seriously look up the average life span of most people and the medicine, tough breaks all around), and there was a WAR happening! And to top all that, Abigail and John were hundreds of miles apart in an age where the fastest you could travel was by sail or by horse! And through it all, they maintained their love by letter which took days at best and weeks at worse to arrive.

Now-a-days we have instant messenger, facebook, facetime, twitter, texting, skype, cell phones, e-mail, smoke signals, not to mention aircraft that can get you anywhere in the world within a day or so. So... in perspective, if John and Abigail could do a bang up job like they did***** then surely with everything today that we have at our disposal we can make a little long distance for not too long not too bad. Give it a shot and put your heart into your writing, and your thoughts upon those you love. Make them feel that they are beside you and all will be well. The time for when they are gone will be over before you know it and the happiness you feel upon their return will be tenfold.

Sometimes a test of endurance in a relationship can be a very good thing indeed.

<3

LN

* No, I'm not a time traveler. That would be awesome and my awesome meter is already filled up. Or is that my flux capacitor fluxing?

** In traditional 18th century garb.

*** This is my opinion, should you not like it, this is my nunchaku. Say hello nunchaku.

**** http://www.masshist.org/digitaladams/archive/browse/

***** Ahem, President and First Lady Adams.

[helpfromloveninja]

Love Ninja Advice (The Benefit of Solitude)

So you find yourself without a date for a special event*.

Maybe you had trouble finding a date. Or that person canceled on you. Now you feel like you just want sit home, and pass out watching TV. Well you have that option friends. There is nothing wrong with a little** couch time if you're not up to a social extravaganza.

But, if I may offer a little advice, sometimes there is no problem going to an event by yourself. Don't misunderstand me, dates are great and it's always good to get out there but you must also be good with just being on your own.

Let me elucidate.

Long ago, in the days of ninja training, the ninja cadets often trained as a team***. But every once in a while without warning our teachers would throw us into an exercise where we were alone and uncomfortable. The object was to make us understand our inner selves in the face of a challenge. And when you are stuck in a frozen wasteland in winter you find out some things about yourself****

The point I am making is there are certain aspects that make up your inner being that only you can unlock. So if there are events, or even stretches of time where you are in fact single, use those opportunities to find out what makes you... you. Putting yourself in social environments where you are not relying on anyone else for support is an exercise in character growth.

Know thyself.

As a caveat, do not take this as a tasking to go alone into areas you are not comfortable with. Always be safe folks and if you are going out anywhere by yourself, let a friend know what you're intending. We ninjas are great for having your back but we can't be everywhere at once*****.

<3

LN

*New Years, office party, snipe hunting, tiger hunting, tiger aided snipe hunting, usual stuff.

**microscopic.

***Two ninjas are always better than one. But one is still incredibly bad ass. So think of that, more so.

****Like how much you'd really like a cup of hot chocolate. What? We have that too!

*****Okay we almost actually can but it's against the ninja code of physics to do so. The last time it was done was in Tunguska 1908... Yeah just look that up.

[helpfromloveninja]

Happy 2014 from the Love Ninja!

So a new year is upon us. Wow.

I am not going to lie when I say I want to shake things up for this blog. More  dating advice, better dating advice, and new forms of media! Yes, you read that right. I got a camera this year from Santa* and hopefully before I take off on a long and mysterious journey** I hope to have a few  Love Ninja guides to dating videos for you all.

Now I know it's just the new year and the usual idea is to make a bunch of promises and not keep them but I'm endeavoring to make this happen. Just bare with me while I figure out all this camera stuff***

<3

LN

*It's great and all, but it's no tiger. Guess there are going to be more traps around the tree next year.

**Disneyland baby. And by Disneyland I mean the deepest jungles of epic continents. So sort of like a real Frontierland.

***Spielberg I am not. In fact, he doesn't even run his own cameras. Plus a ninja he ain't.

[helpfromloveninja]

Merry Christmas from the Love Ninja

Dear Santa,

Well, from a super ninja to a super awesome elf* I have to say I'm a big fan. Maybe one of these days we can swap techniques.** But for now I'll just give you my list and wish you a safe voyage.

My wish list:

1.) New shuriken. I prefer the four point types but any sort you have on you will do.

2.) Ninja socks. Unlike most people, I love socks for Christmas, ninja ones that is. They're extra sneaky.

3.) A tiger. No seriously, you've got those in the North Pole right? The winter ones? What?

Thanks Santa, and I hope you've got your game on this year. I'm sure it was embarrassing for you to have to wake me up to let you out of that tiger snare I set in front of the tree last year. Live and learn big guy***. Live and learn.

Happy Holidays to everyone! And a very happy New Year!

<3

LN

*You're an elf, right?

**The chimneys, I gotta ask how you get down the chimneys.

***Elf?

[helpfromloveninja]

Ninja's Number 25 post!

Hoorah! 25 posts!

What's that? This technically doesn't count because it's not a post about any dating advice? That's preposterous!

... Yep, 25, awesome!

...

Oh all right. Let's actually talk about something many people have asked me before. My obsession with tigers. So, in fact, why am I obsessed with tigers? I'm not. I know I mention them quite often* but honestly I respect them. Tigers are an incredible species of the big cat family** that have a wide diversity in a variety of habitats/climates. There are nine subspecies of Panthera Tigris*** and they are incredibly stealthy, efficient and amazing. So tigers are essentially the ninjas of the wild. Totally. Is it any wonder they have my admiration?

What's that? Tigers have nothing to do with dating? All right, twist my arm why don't you****

Ladies and Gents, if you're dating someone, it's never not okay okay to get them flowers. This goes both ways people. And when they ask you why you brought them flowers you can smile and say "well why not?"The smile they give you will be worth it a thousand times over. But do not give the reason of a ninja told you so... that would take some explaining.

Woo! # 25!

<3

LN

*TIGERS!

**In the big cat family, they're poppa cat.

***The latin name for ninja is actually Tactius Sicarius. Just saying.

****No really, go ahead and twist my arm and see what happens. Sign this waiver first.