â€ïžâ€ïž!!

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almost home
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@theartofmadeline
Not today Justin

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@helpimdrowninginshipsagain
â€ïžâ€ïž!!
Something I love about the episode 1 Vegas rooftop scene as like a foundational scene related to Hollanov's subsequent hook-up years is how it solidifies their equality. One is not more evolved than the other. One is not more reticent than the other. Shane reaches out with a shaky hand, implying Ilya's last words at the all-star gameâBecause Ilya made it sound so simple, give me your phone, we will make a plan to fuckâ but Ilya stonewalls him, pretends like he doesn't even know why Shane could possibly be talking to him. And then you have Ilya's kiss after Shane tries to say goodbye, and Shane's rejection of it because of Ilya's recklessness with their secret. Neither of them is accepting themselves, neither of them has the upper hand despite mutual posturing.
They are both reaching out a shaking hand. Shane with: And I guess I thought that maybe we... never mind. And Ilya with his little laugh and No one is looking.
But on the other end, they are both slamming each other back to earth like with Ilya's stonewalling and his Not Everything is About You, Hollander and Shane with What the fuck are you doing, we're both in tuxedos out in public.
Not to mention the physicality in the performances! Ilya's set jaw, Shane's choked voice. Ilya's heavy footsteps as he goes to takes Shane's handshake that turns into a kiss. Shane's desperate reciprocation, his grabbing hands, and ultimately those same hands push Ilya away! And now it's Ilya's turn to look sincere and hurt. See you next season. Hollander.
And it's not a wholly original dynamic, it's based in their mutual need to stay closeted combined with their mutual yearning, but I think what makes them unique is that both of them are on the same page, really, when it comes down to it. They can't really do this. It's stupid to do this. It's dangerous. Their reasoning and internal struggles are different, but they are both reaching out AND pushing each other away in equal measure.
We donât talk about this enough. With all the big romantic gestures in The Long Game, this, to me, is one of the most romantic moments.
We know Ilya isnât a fan of Shaneâs restrictive diet. He teases him about it, but Ilya is an expert ragebaiter who knows how to tease the people he cares about when they feel safe and in ways that never really hurt.
Shane is âfranticâ in this scene. Ilya has the perfect opening to say something about his diet, and he doesnât take it. He sees that Shane is panicking, steps in and fixes it. He was looking at that menu thinking about Shane and Shaneâs fuckass diet that Ilya doesnât even like. But he knows this is important to Shane. He knows Shane is already nervous about being on a date with Ilya in public and being with another queer couple. So he meets Shaneâs needs without Shane ever having to ask, and he does it quietly, without drawing any attention, so that Shane can save face.
Of course heâs gonna tease him about it a little bit later because thatâs what they do. But he only does that AFTER Shaneâs had a chance to catch his breath and feel safe again.
To be loved is to be known indeed.
essay due 1 hour ago waiting for me but time is of the essence and these are more important
Very important to me that Simon essentially comes from an alien culture from graceâs pov.
I imagine the way you express gratitude or well wishes in Eden has to do with the tree also, a more formal expression might be âMay thy body rot and nourish the soil and join the creator in eternity,â but in casual speech it gets shortened and sounds. very unsettling. To those not in the know.
I also think Simon isnât technically speaking English, it would sorta be like a modern person trying to talk to someone speaking in Elizabethan English-like you can kinda understand it, but you gotta really focus.
them tbh
Finally safe â€ïž
and it's actually serious as fuck to me when you think about it because famously america down ntdp survivor william smith not reposting anything about the literal olympics gold and mack's whole "i just.. said... he just asked me how i was doing" bomb during his post olympics interview and then add in the stick and i might as well hang myself in the public town square and don't. even. let yourself think about the "you need to be proud."
is it casual if i'm your boy best friend and i keep reminders of all of your achievements for you because i'm so proud of you and how much you've accomplished through all of the adversity you face and would it be fine if you gave me one of your olympics sticks so i could display it in my house and remember every time i look at it that even playing on the world's largest stage wasn't enough for you to forget me or want anybody but me with you forever.
and additionally of course i want your stick in the front and center of my collection to draw the eyes of everyone who walks into my house because i would never try to hide what you achieve. and forget all the people who ask you if i'm jealous of all that you have because why would i be jealous when someone who's that much of a star is devoting every inch of himself to me.
would that be okay. if i integrate you into every piece of my life, even my childhood home. says will smith, the famous mosaic of everyone who has ever loved him.
They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesnât like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if thereâs anything they need to do to help
After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says thereâs nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, itâs just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly
And Ilya is like. But. Iâm the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?
Ilyaâs life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced theyâre all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilyaâs hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when heâs causing problems on purpose
Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god Iâm not Anyaâs dad Iâm her brother and she thinks weâre both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.
Obsessed with the idea of Shane randomly encountering Bad Bunny at a bar just like he encountered Rose. (Because he has the BEST luck.)
But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.
And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.
And Shane is completely oblivious. "Hey, you're back! I ordered you a beer. Oh, and this is Benito. Benito, this is my husband Ilya........... Baby, are you okay? Why do you look like that?"
miss americana and the heartbreak prince or whatever they say
Theyâre my mum and dad and I'll fight anyone who tells me otherwise đ„đ„
anyway i do think shane experiences his first depressive episode after the honeymoon. everything just sort of settles in him, the weight of it all and the voyageurs and the decade-long relationships he's lost, the fact that people are burning his jersey outside the arena, the loss of privacy and choice and agency. and suddenly he's just so heavy, and he can't eat and he can't sleep but at the same time he's not getting out of bed. he shakes like a leaf and has nightmares and doesn't even want to open the curtains because the light, he says, gives him a headache.
ilya is so fucking worried about him, because he still doesn't quite believe that depression can get anyone. in his mind, he's lazy and lacks self control and deserves the ugly, awful feelings that pin him to the mattress every other month. but shane is discipline personified, so structured and controlled that the fact he hasn't gotten out of bed for three days is enough to have ilya calling his parents and the team doctor and rose.
and then he crawls into bed with him at the end of the fourth day and kisses his shoulder and says please, sweetheart, why are you crying, what's wrong? what can I do? and for a second he thinks maybe, because shane rolls over to face him, cheeks all splotchy and eyes swollen and he looks so fucking sad, but at least he's looking at him.
but then shane says "I think you've made a really huge mistake," and Ilya's stomach drops through the fucking floor, because-- what? what mistake, what is he talking about?
shanes face crumples and he's sobbing again, words spilling out about how I've ruined your life, Ilya, you can never go home, you're tied to me now and I'm clearly fucking cursed or something, your career, everything, and soon you're gonna realise that and I don't know if I can take it, I've lost so much already, Ilya, they just threw me away. they were so happy that I was leaving. I built that fucking team.
and ilya doesn't interrupt, because he's never seen shane like this, and clearly he needs to get it off his chest. but he does pull him as close as possible and squeeze him and kiss his head and say it's okay, sweetheart, you could never ruin me, they did not deserve you, I love you, I love you, it'll be okay, you can cry, sweetheart, it's so much and you are so strong until his breaths even out and the sobbing subsides
and shane finally gets a full night of sleep, tucked up in his husband's arms, with promises that tomorrow they'll speak to terry together, and that things will be okay
i do love and respect the idea of the world at large being stunned at finding out how long ilya and shane have been together, but i truly think that under NO circumstances would shane ever choose to offer ANY personal details about himself or their relationship willingly.
which combined with ilya loving just making things up and saying them (as seen in the "yes, the rumors are true-" scene) offers the very funny idea that ilya actively tries to offer as much privacy as possible by just throwing out stories about them at random so there IS no central story for people to hound shane about.
assorted backstories a la "ilya just started talking and found out with everyone else where he was going with this":
they got snowed in at all stars one year (b-but wasn't that year in florida?) and decided there was nothing better to do
it started as a bit and neither is willing to give up first
they paired off to combine forces like nato
they paired off to limit how many kids they could have in the future to make sure hockey stayed fair
ilya lost a bet six years ago
shane lost a bet three years ago
ilya got tired of remembering phone numbers for his hookups and shane's is easy
ilya got tired of having to look things up in english and french when talking to other people and decide to marry someone who speaks two languages to save time
shane is gifted enough (wink wink wink) that other people are cowards and only ilya was brave enough to rise to the challenge (this one gets him in trouble on the phone later but it also gets him laid that night at home and also confuses the online speculation about who tops and bottoms, so net positive tbh)
yuna hollander is the best manager in the business and a political marriage was the best way to secure her services longterm
with the end result that all shane has to do is shrug and "my husband has already told our story a thousand times by this point. no point in repeating it and boring people." in interviews to get out of people trying to dig into things he doesn't want to tell them.
the reporter obviously knows he's not serious (...mostly) but plays along with "what kids?" and ilya just âïž as he pulls out his phone and starts looking through, and everyone is like "surely not...bUT WHAT IF", and then he goes "ah! here", and holds out his phone
and it's a picture of anya and luca haas
and ilya just "thirteen hours of labor, but worth every minute, yes?" as he puts his phone back looking SO fucking pleased with himself because he really at least 33% had them for a second
After the first time they fell into bed together, Robby feels incredibly insecure and emotional. Sex with Jack was wonderful, in ways he hadn't experienced in a long time. Jack had been sure and gentle and caring and Robby had not been able to form a coherent thought whatsoever. But now it was over. They were both sweaty and a little sticky and Robby didn't know what to do.
Should he stay? God he wants to stay. Stay close to Jack, soaking in the heat, feeling safe and protected in his arms.
Should he leave? They were done and the way they fell into it, didn't really imply any further attachment. A shudder ran through him. This was a one time thing. Probably. It should be enough. It had to be enough. Something to remember and dream about. Nothing more, nothing less.
Slowly Robby got up and looked around for his clothes. He felt naked in a cold way. Ashamed for wanting more. Flustered because he didn't know how to navigate.
"What're you doing?" Jack asked, propping himself up against the headboard.
"I..." Robby started. What was he supposed to say?
I'm leaving?
I need to go?
I'll get out of your hair?
He rubbed his hands over his beard and neck. A habit, that had been built over the years of too much meaningless sex and not enough genuine touch.
"Mikey?" Jacks soft voice interrupted his thoughts. "Come here, okay?" He held his hands out in invitation.
A small, needy sound escaped Robbys throat, as he let himself fall against Jacks chest. The warmth soothing something deep inside his own. His muscles were still tight and he didn't allow himself to relax. Still worried, still not sure if how much of this was okay.
Jack started to rub circles against his naked back with one hand, the other found a place in his hair. Just holding on.
"What do you want?" Jack asked. Always direct in his approach.
"I want..." his voice cracked.
"Just tell me, love"
Love. Jack called him love. Like they were more than brothers in arms. More than friends, who blew off some steam. It was stupid, but it was enough for Robby to be brave.
"I want to stay." he said quietly, almost a whisper. "I want you to hold me." He continued. "I want to come back to you every day and I want you to come back to me."
The hand on his back stopped and went up to tilt his face towards Jack. His lips were captured by the softest kiss, that brought tears in his eyes.
"You can have that Mikey. All of it and so much more." Jack sounded so sure and confident and Robby couldn't do anything else but believe him.
instances of shane, the worlds most jock, calling ilya baby:
âBaby, what time is it?â
âHuh? Hold on, baby, I canât hear you. Fuck, itâs loud in here.â
âFuck, Ilya, yes, like that, baby, just like that, fuckââ
âIlya, whatâsâ Are you crying? Whatâs wrong, baby, itâs okay, itâsâ Whatâs wrong? Please, tell me, whatâs wrong?â
âFuckinâ A, Rozanov! Yes, baby! Fuck, that was a good one. Câmere.â
âMm, baby, your feet are cold. Ah! Ilya, get your cold fucking feet off me. Put some socks on. Jesus.â
âHold on, Iâll ask himâ Baby, my mom wants to know if steak is good for dinner?â
âYour hair is so fluffy today. No, no, come back, let meâ Yes. Thank you, baby.â
âIlyusha. My baby. Ilyusha. Youâre so pretty. Donât laugh! Iâm being serious!â
âYouâre gonna have to skate better than that to beat me in the scoring race, baby, Iâm locked in this season.â
âFuck, baby, youâre burning up. No, asshole, I mean youâre sick. You canât go to practice like this, donât be fucking stupid.â
âUh, just a beer, please. Thank you, baby, thatâs perfect.â
âIlya, baby, you want a pretzel?â
âHi, baby. You looked good out there, that goal was fuckinâ insane.â
At some point after the cottage but before the public outing TMZ does an article on âIlya Rozanovâs most high-profile hookupsâ which is essentially just a list of Instagram models with paparazzi shots and blurry cellphone pics of Ilya at the club. Shane scrolls through it, absolutely seething, because he is Ilyaâs most high-profile hookup - maybe not by their metric, which seems to be Instagram followers, but Shane hasnât heard about a single one of these women, apart from Svetlana whom he wouldnât have recognised if not for Ilya talking about her. The guys are talking about it in the locker room, as if Ilyaâs a legend for getting with all of these supposedly very desirable women (although that is decidedly not the way the guys phrase it) and Shane is absolutely furious because he canât tell anyone that none of these women got to keep him. He is the only one whoâs gotten to call Ilya his. He is the only person Ilyaâs been in love with.
Anyway, after the next Boston/Montreal game Ilya shows up to practice genuinely looking like heâs been mauled. His entire body is covered in hickeys and bruises that look suspiciously like bite marks - his neck is basically covered in purpling marks with a fair few centred on his chest but a couple of the bruises trail further down, one on his pubic bone, a couple on his thighs, and the darkest one on his hip, a large circle of clear teeth marks - not only that but his back has been practically scratched to ribbons. Ilya is basically a walking sign spelling out âTAKEN - BACK OFFâ and when the gossip of Ilya Rozanov apparently having been locked down by a wild animal reaches the Montreal locker room Shane canât help the proud little smile that blooms on his face because, yes, thatâs his man.